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By *ustaman OP   Man
over a year ago

weymouth

Having to pigeon hole yourself into straight/bi/bi-curious etc is remarkably limiting. Having been kicked back by a couple because I've ticked straight highlights that I don't believe they read my profile. I even went back to it with the idea of editing it to try and explain myself but decided I don't think I could do it any better than I've already written. I'm not turned on by blokes it's a woman's shape/face that initially catches my eye or eye contact. Having said that the probability of mm play would be quite high as I'd be turned on by the lady present. So just how do I describe that in a tick box?

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

More importantly, would you even want to touch tips with anyone who makes decisions based on a tickbox system?

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

Surely that makes you at least bi curious if your thinking about men. Im straight and even when im horniest i only want to play with females im just not sexually attracted to men.

T

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By *ustaman OP   Man
over a year ago

weymouth


"Surely that makes you at least bi curious if your thinking about men. Im straight and even when im horniest i only want to play with females im just not sexually attracted to men.

T"

And there's the trouble with lables, I'm not sexually attracted to men either BUT in the throes of a passionate encounter with a woman I'm probably not going to recoil in horror should a fella also get involved. Perhaps not really bi bi-curious

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Labels are important as they help others to find those like themselves.

Whilst some might find them limiting, I find that those that ‘closet’ themselves or claim that labels don’t matter are the ones with the biggest hang ups regarding same sex play.

I’m bisexual, I’m proud to be so and I don’t want to deal with someone’s sexual crisis whilst having sex.

I’ve never seen someone secure in their sexuality claim that labels don’t matter, it’s mostly from those dealing with stigma and shame

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don’t want to deal with someone’s sexual crisis whilst having sex.

"

Exactly this. Which is why I’m increasingly skeptical about meets from here.

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly


"I’ve never seen someone secure in their sexuality claim that labels don’t matter, it’s mostly from those dealing with stigma and shame "

Same can be said for people who feel labels matter too much and can't explain who they are without shorthand, though.

People are tricky. I like that about 'em.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I don’t want to deal with someone’s sexual crisis whilst having sex.

Exactly this. Which is why I’m increasingly skeptical about meets from here. "

I don’t deny a persons right to self identify but I’m absolutely going to consider what that means in relation to them and me.

If you’re claiming to be straight in your profile but messaging me for sex, then you’re not straight and you’re lying, neither of which makes me want to fuck you.

Labels do matter

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I’ve never seen someone secure in their sexuality claim that labels don’t matter, it’s mostly from those dealing with stigma and shame

Same can be said for people who feel labels matter too much and can't explain who they are without shorthand, though.

People are tricky. I like that about 'em. "

I’d rather a person who understands themselves than someone who doesn’t know or is lying

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly


"I’ve never seen someone secure in their sexuality claim that labels don’t matter, it’s mostly from those dealing with stigma and shame

Same can be said for people who feel labels matter too much and can't explain who they are without shorthand, though.

People are tricky. I like that about 'em.

I’d rather a person who understands themselves than someone who doesn’t know or is lying"

Fair. It's a good point.

But if we're wishing, I'd rather a person who is trying to understand themselves. I don't think a label gets that across.

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By *ustaman OP   Man
over a year ago

weymouth


"Labels are important as they help others to find those like themselves.

Whilst some might find them limiting, I find that those that ‘closet’ themselves or claim that labels don’t matter are the ones with the biggest hang ups regarding same sex play.

I’m bisexual, I’m proud to be so and I don’t want to deal with someone’s sexual crisis whilst having sex.

I’ve never seen someone secure in their sexuality claim that labels don’t matter, it’s mostly from those dealing with stigma and shame "

Not sure I said labels don't matter just that by definition they are limiting, people are more complex

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"Labels are important as they help others to find those like themselves.

Whilst some might find them limiting, I find that those that ‘closet’ themselves or claim that labels don’t matter are the ones with the biggest hang ups regarding same sex play.

I’m bisexual, I’m proud to be so and I don’t want to deal with someone’s sexual crisis whilst having sex.

I’ve never seen someone secure in their sexuality claim that labels don’t matter, it’s mostly from those dealing with stigma and shame "

So much nope. But I've made the point before when you've mentioned stigma and shame.

I don't like labels. Never have.

Have I sucked a dick? Yep. Have I done anything else with men? Nope. Never even kissed one. And the last time anything MM happened was around 7 years ago.

I've had plenty of straight sex since. Some am I still bi, even though I don't actively participate in MM sex? Am i straight, even though I might in the future?

I'd never be in a MM relationship and for me it's a pure physical act that if it was possible to do with women I would, and would have no need for any MM interaction.

So to be it's fluid. It changes over time. And by labelling yourself as one status in particular, especially online, you are pigeon holing yourself in the eyes of others.

By definition bi men and women can play straight with the opposite sex, yet some fail to see this. This may reflect what you consider to be shame and stigma, but it's certainly not the case in the majority of people I've ever met and is more a sense of bewilderment and frustration at people's intolerance, attitudes and negative perceptions, particularly with men as opposed to women.

Why is it that nobody gives a shit if a woman is bi, but are averse to men being the same?

I'd say the ones with the hang ups are those that need to pin a label on someone, rather than view then as an individual.

A

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I disagree with the vocal minority of people on here who are pushing for ‘no labels’, many of which are confused men who cannot come to terms with being on bi spectrum and insist they are straight. Or well meaning females push for no labels.

The problem with this approach is it keeps many men on here in a state of confusion and denial. Labels help you come to terms with what you are, embrace it life is short

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The choices on here can be limiting. I think it's only Straight, Bi-curious, Bisexual and Gay. There are lots of other words that people use to describe themselves now and they might not feel like they fit on to one of those boxes.

I've never been a huge fan of labels for myself but I understand they can have their uses at times. I'm very secure in my sexuality but I'd also rather not be shoved in a box that doesn't describe me the right way.

Px

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I label myself and happy with it for my present life. In the future I may change that label because my sexual preferences have changed.

What I object to, is someone labelling me. Due to that I don’t label anyone else or will participate in threads in which someone is confused with their own sexuality anymore.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Labels are important as they help others to find those like themselves.

Whilst some might find them limiting, I find that those that ‘closet’ themselves or claim that labels don’t matter are the ones with the biggest hang ups regarding same sex play.

I’m bisexual, I’m proud to be so and I don’t want to deal with someone’s sexual crisis whilst having sex.

I’ve never seen someone secure in their sexuality claim that labels don’t matter, it’s mostly from those dealing with stigma and shame

So much nope. But I've made the point before when you've mentioned stigma and shame.

I don't like labels. Never have.

Have I sucked a dick? Yep. Have I done anything else with men? Nope. Never even kissed one. And the last time anything MM happened was around 7 years ago.

I've had plenty of straight sex since. Some am I still bi, even though I don't actively participate in MM sex? Am i straight, even though I might in the future?

I'd never be in a MM relationship and for me it's a pure physical act that if it was possible to do with women I would, and would have no need for any MM interaction.

So to be it's fluid. It changes over time. And by labelling yourself as one status in particular, especially online, you are pigeon holing yourself in the eyes of others.

By definition bi men and women can play straight with the opposite sex, yet some fail to see this. This may reflect what you consider to be shame and stigma, but it's certainly not the case in the majority of people I've ever met and is more a sense of bewilderment and frustration at people's intolerance, attitudes and negative perceptions, particularly with men as opposed to women.

Why is it that nobody gives a shit if a woman is bi, but are averse to men being the same?

I'd say the ones with the hang ups are those that need to pin a label on someone, rather than view then as an individual.

A"

The ability to self identify is important, I absolutely agree with you there. Sexuality isn’t performative though, the belief that ‘I haven’t sucked a cock in 15 years means I’m straight’ is dismissive of a person’s sexuality. It also dismisses those that haven’t had sexual encounters before.

You don’t agree with me? That’s cool. You’re not ashamed, brilliant! But plenty of others are, hence why I said ‘mostly’.

If you don’t like labels, then that’s your prerogative. Remove all identifiers from your profile and life, then see how that goes…

It’s usually just the sexuality one that people struggle with though and that’s a very curious thing given how pervasive labels actually are in life

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Labels are important as they help others to find those like themselves.

Whilst some might find them limiting, I find that those that ‘closet’ themselves or claim that labels don’t matter are the ones with the biggest hang ups regarding same sex play.

I’m bisexual, I’m proud to be so and I don’t want to deal with someone’s sexual crisis whilst having sex.

I’ve never seen someone secure in their sexuality claim that labels don’t matter, it’s mostly from those dealing with stigma and shame

So much nope. But I've made the point before when you've mentioned stigma and shame.

I don't like labels. Never have.

Have I sucked a dick? Yep. Have I done anything else with men? Nope. Never even kissed one. And the last time anything MM happened was around 7 years ago.

I've had plenty of straight sex since. Some am I still bi, even though I don't actively participate in MM sex? Am i straight, even though I might in the future?

I'd never be in a MM relationship and for me it's a pure physical act that if it was possible to do with women I would, and would have no need for any MM interaction.

So to be it's fluid. It changes over time. And by labelling yourself as one status in particular, especially online, you are pigeon holing yourself in the eyes of others.

By definition bi men and women can play straight with the opposite sex, yet some fail to see this. This may reflect what you consider to be shame and stigma, but it's certainly not the case in the majority of people I've ever met and is more a sense of bewilderment and frustration at people's intolerance, attitudes and negative perceptions, particularly with men as opposed to women.

Why is it that nobody gives a shit if a woman is bi, but are averse to men being the same?

I'd say the ones with the hang ups are those that need to pin a label on someone, rather than view then as an individual.

A"

I will also say, concerning why female bisexuality is accepted but male isn’t, doing a little reading regarding sexual dynamics and politics would be helpful. There are a lot of good sexual history resources online regarding it. Take a look at things regarding the make sexual gaze and societal acceptance. It’s really enlightening

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"Labels are important as they help others to find those like themselves.

Whilst some might find them limiting, I find that those that ‘closet’ themselves or claim that labels don’t matter are the ones with the biggest hang ups regarding same sex play.

I’m bisexual, I’m proud to be so and I don’t want to deal with someone’s sexual crisis whilst having sex.

I’ve never seen someone secure in their sexuality claim that labels don’t matter, it’s mostly from those dealing with stigma and shame

So much nope. But I've made the point before when you've mentioned stigma and shame.

I don't like labels. Never have.

Have I sucked a dick? Yep. Have I done anything else with men? Nope. Never even kissed one. And the last time anything MM happened was around 7 years ago.

I've had plenty of straight sex since. Some am I still bi, even though I don't actively participate in MM sex? Am i straight, even though I might in the future?

I'd never be in a MM relationship and for me it's a pure physical act that if it was possible to do with women I would, and would have no need for any MM interaction.

So to be it's fluid. It changes over time. And by labelling yourself as one status in particular, especially online, you are pigeon holing yourself in the eyes of others.

By definition bi men and women can play straight with the opposite sex, yet some fail to see this. This may reflect what you consider to be shame and stigma, but it's certainly not the case in the majority of people I've ever met and is more a sense of bewilderment and frustration at people's intolerance, attitudes and negative perceptions, particularly with men as opposed to women.

Why is it that nobody gives a shit if a woman is bi, but are averse to men being the same?

I'd say the ones with the hang ups are those that need to pin a label on someone, rather than view then as an individual.

A

The ability to self identify is important, I absolutely agree with you there. Sexuality isn’t performative though, the belief that ‘I haven’t sucked a cock in 15 years means I’m straight’ is dismissive of a person’s sexuality. It also dismisses those that haven’t had sexual encounters before.

You don’t agree with me? That’s cool. You’re not ashamed, brilliant! But plenty of others are, hence why I said ‘mostly’.

If you don’t like labels, then that’s your prerogative. Remove all identifiers from your profile and life, then see how that goes…

It’s usually just the sexuality one that people struggle with though and that’s a very curious thing given how pervasive labels actually are in life"

Labels and identifiers aren't the same though. I can't choose to identify as anything other than a white male with brown eyes, because that's what I am. It's not in any way subjective or up for debate. I can't decide to identify as a teenager because again, I'm not. I can't choose to identify as a native American because - yep - I'm not.

I can choose not to label or identify myself sexually though. Because that is something that can change, be fluid and vary.

Not choosing to pick a label for that aspect of my life doesn't dismiss anyone else's choices at all. Nor does it impact them in any way.

The spectrum is too diverse and wide for there to be an accurate label for all, perhaps bar those that insist they are 100% straight or gay, which of course is their choice.

If people worried less about how people choose to describe themselves then there'd certainly be more open-ness and honesty.

And it's pretty insulting to describe someone who chooses a different description of themselves as having a 'sexual crisis', living in fear, shame or concerned about stigma. It's exactly those kinds of remarks that drive people to hide their behaviour, choices and interactions from others.

A

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Op, if you're hoping to appeal to men or couples where the guy is bi, it's probably wise to at least say you're bi curious.

If you're only hoping to have sex with women, then probably no need.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich


"Labels are important as they help others to find those like themselves.

Whilst some might find them limiting, I find that those that ‘closet’ themselves or claim that labels don’t matter are the ones with the biggest hang ups regarding same sex play.

I’m bisexual, I’m proud to be so and I don’t want to deal with someone’s sexual crisis whilst having sex.

I’ve never seen someone secure in their sexuality claim that labels don’t matter, it’s mostly from those dealing with stigma and shame "

Best reply I've seen

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I've never been interested in labels or in how others choose to describe themselves unless it's someone I know describing themselves as the complete opposite of how they behave and are seen by those around them.

However over the last year or so I've seen a lot of comments on here telling straight men that they shouldn't be ashamed to open up and express themselves sexually.

Then as soon as a straight man says "I'm proud to be straight and have no interest in being anything else" he is told he is narrow-minded or hiding behind his bravado.

If someone tells me they are straight, bi or gay I don't challenge that or ask them to justify that regardless of whether they are male or female.

I've even seen comments on threads claiming that a man insisting he is straight is actually a red flag!

How did that happen all of a sudden?

Does a straight women raise those red flags too or only when she isn't prepared to take one for the team?

I'll continue to respect whatever label people choose for themselves even if those same people don't show me the same level of respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe you should say something like your heterogeneous sexually when turn on .would play equally with both parties in a couple scenario if that is what was on offer when turn on .

Just a thought OP hope this helps or gives you a idea of how to expense your sexuality in your profile .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bi curious.

Any hole will do when horny.

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By *ustaman OP   Man
over a year ago

weymouth


"Maybe you should say something like your heterogeneous sexually when turn on .would play equally with both parties in a couple scenario if that is what was on offer when turn on .

Just a thought OP hope this helps or gives you a idea of how to expense your sexuality in your profile . "

Thought I did but perhaps I need to be a little more plain

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The sexuality tick box should be removed. Just go off the 'looking for' list.

People change their profile sexuality depending on who they are looking to meet so it's a worthless tick.

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By *ustaman OP   Man
over a year ago

weymouth


"The sexuality tick box should be removed. Just go off the 'looking for' list.

People change their profile sexuality depending on who they are looking to meet so it's a worthless tick. "

Or add one that says fluid

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich


"Maybe you should say something like your heterogeneous sexually when turn on .would play equally with both parties in a couple scenario if that is what was on offer when turn on .

Just a thought OP hope this helps or gives you a idea of how to expense your sexuality in your profile .

Thought I did but perhaps I need to be a little more plain "

If we are looking for a bi guy why would we go any further than the bit of your profile that says 'straight'.

Dunno about others but we look at a profile before opening a message and I suspect quite a few do that.

If you are bi or bi-curious just own it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The sexuality tick box should be removed. Just go off the 'looking for' list.

People change their profile sexuality depending on who they are looking to meet so it's a worthless tick.

Or add one that says fluid "

Fluid... will fuck anything that offers.

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By *ustaman OP   Man
over a year ago

weymouth


"The sexuality tick box should be removed. Just go off the 'looking for' list.

People change their profile sexuality depending on who they are looking to meet so it's a worthless tick.

Or add one that says fluid

Fluid... will fuck anything that offers. "

or nobody

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole

I'm Pansexual, - fem, so tick everybox. Take your pick.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I think I’m towards the straight end of the bisexual spectrum. If there is such a place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don’t want to deal with someone’s sexual crisis whilst having sex.

Exactly this. Which is why I’m increasingly skeptical about meets from here.

I don’t deny a persons right to self identify but I’m absolutely going to consider what that means in relation to them and me.

If you’re claiming to be straight in your profile but messaging me for sex, then you’re not straight and you’re lying, neither of which makes me want to fuck you.

Labels do matter"

I agree. I get messages mostly from guys who define themselves as straight. My experiences of this haven’t been positive ranging from wasted time (they politely decided they actually are and we left it there) to being threatened when the testosterone kicks in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Labels are important as they help others to find those like themselves.

Whilst some might find them limiting, I find that those that ‘closet’ themselves or claim that labels don’t matter are the ones with the biggest hang ups regarding same sex play.

I’m bisexual, I’m proud to be so and I don’t want to deal with someone’s sexual crisis whilst having sex.

I’ve never seen someone secure in their sexuality claim that labels don’t matter, it’s mostly from those dealing with stigma and shame

So much nope. But I've made the point before when you've mentioned stigma and shame.

I don't like labels. Never have.

Have I sucked a dick? Yep. Have I done anything else with men? Nope. Never even kissed one. And the last time anything MM happened was around 7 years ago.

I've had plenty of straight sex since. Some am I still bi, even though I don't actively participate in MM sex? Am i straight, even though I might in the future?

I'd never be in a MM relationship and for me it's a pure physical act that if it was possible to do with women I would, and would have no need for any MM interaction.

So to be it's fluid. It changes over time. And by labelling yourself as one status in particular, especially online, you are pigeon holing yourself in the eyes of others.

By definition bi men and women can play straight with the opposite sex, yet some fail to see this. This may reflect what you consider to be shame and stigma, but it's certainly not the case in the majority of people I've ever met and is more a sense of bewilderment and frustration at people's intolerance, attitudes and negative perceptions, particularly with men as opposed to women.

Why is it that nobody gives a shit if a woman is bi, but are averse to men being the same?

I'd say the ones with the hang ups are those that need to pin a label on someone, rather than view then as an individual.

A

The ability to self identify is important, I absolutely agree with you there. Sexuality isn’t performative though, the belief that ‘I haven’t sucked a cock in 15 years means I’m straight’ is dismissive of a person’s sexuality. It also dismisses those that haven’t had sexual encounters before.

You don’t agree with me? That’s cool. You’re not ashamed, brilliant! But plenty of others are, hence why I said ‘mostly’.

If you don’t like labels, then that’s your prerogative. Remove all identifiers from your profile and life, then see how that goes…

It’s usually just the sexuality one that people struggle with though and that’s a very curious thing given how pervasive labels actually are in life"

Someone may have never have sucked dick but if they found themselves being around at the thought of being With another man (or woman for women) then I’d probably start asking why is that?

Is it just a curiosity? Is there something more going on ?

Etc etc

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

I do think that strict straight/bi/gay categories are a bit limiting and sometimes fail at describing someone's sexuality accurately.

Though in OPs case, if the couple you messaged were looking for a bi guy, maybe they wanted someone a bit more enthusiastic about man on man play than "I'll do it if there's a woman there and I'm horny enough"?

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By *haneportsMan
over a year ago

portsmouth

I’m fully bi & both my fab profiles stare as such.

I’ve also stated on here that I can play straight at a meet or open to their limits.

Theres too many labels out there now so i keep it simple & to the point.

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