FabSwingers.com forum: Why you should want to fuck me

By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

No, not me. Well, if you insist

No, this is a chance to advertise yourself for when a "fuck, pint, avoid" thread pops up.

So, tell us all what you have to offer. Why should everyone on the forum be clamouring to claim in public that they want to fuck you? And remember, the way to a person's lust gland is often through their funny bone. Make me giggle and I might jump you

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I'll start

Female with pulse married to a hottie with a soft sexy Scottish accent.

Live in the Midlands so easy to get to.

Great boobs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'll start

Female with pulse married to a hottie with a soft sexy Scottish accent.

Live in the Midlands so easy to get to.

Great boobs

Well I’m sold. When are you free?

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Me: I’ll feed you cake

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve the greatest penis pic’ on fab.

The only reason anyone should need to jump my bones.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fatty living in the Midlands seeks female to help him eat his stash of freddo's and curly wurly's, also makes a mean beans on toast.

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By *reamblueMan
over a year ago

London

I can ride a bike with no hands

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Large lingerie collection and a cracking set of boobs. Mr is OK but let's be honest nobody is interested in him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would anyone fuck me?

Well it’s always good to give to needy charitable no-hopers isn’t it?

Imagine the endorphin rush doing helping someone less fortunate than yourself.

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

Manchester(ish).

Lippy northern bird with a nice arse.

Makes a great brew.

Loves oral.

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By *ookie doughMan
over a year ago

leic

They call me tripod

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No, not me. Well, if you insist

No, this is a chance to advertise yourself for when a "fuck, pint, avoid" thread pops up.

The question is would you and your partner like me? If the answer is yes, then you won't be disappointed (both).

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Why would anyone fuck me?

Well it’s always good to give to needy charitable no-hopers isn’t it?

Imagine the endorphin rush doing helping someone less fortunate than yourself.

Damn it Danet, I'd had something similar to say! Now what do I post?

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I have my own teeth, I can guarantee you mediocre, brief, bumpy sex. I probably won’t cry after I cum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No, not me. Well, if you insist

No, this is a chance to advertise yourself for when a "fuck, pint, avoid" thread pops up.

The question is would you and your partner like me? If the answer is yes, then you won't be disappointed (both). "

Sorry that was a joke.

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By *rTongueMan
over a year ago

...

I make the best post-sex cuppa you’ll ever have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would give you the best 30 seconds of my life

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'm a hirsute misanthrope and I won't take my mask off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ass is peachy bouncy and wonderful and I will send you to heaven

I will do things that you could only dream about in your wildest dreams

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I have boobs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I won’t take up much of your time so you can get on with your day

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

It will top up your levels of self-loathing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why would anyone fuck me?

Well it’s always good to give to needy charitable no-hopers isn’t it?

Imagine the endorphin rush doing helping someone less fortunate than yourself.

Damn it Danet, I'd had something similar to say! Now what do I post? "

We can double team, Meli. Then their one-off charitable deed can be more like a Telethon!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can deep throat me without it hitting the back of your mouth. Win win

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

Semi literate, slightly aged Scotsman with teeth, although he needs to post them away to get cleaned.

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By *ong-leggedblondWoman
over a year ago

Next Door

I'm a milf

Enough said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because i did a 100 meter time of 8.16 seconds on olympic gold on the master system

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

"I'm a milf

Enough said

Yip.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Because we can fuck with your mind more than your body.

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By *aydeeMan
over a year ago

I come with the beer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because im an amazing likeable funny guy...who can give you fucks and giggles all night

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

According to a couple of my veris, I’m slightly better than a wank, so there you go. It’s called being a winner, folks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ps please dont i dont want to break you

So i suppose being so unattainable would be another reason

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

There is a high possibility that I will also cook you dinner. So that's a net saving

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

C has the tricks of a porn star, has great tits, is submissive and looks incredible in stockings and heels…

I bring cake and cock…

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

Because I have big tits and apparently give great blow jobs

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By *ighty_tightyMan
over a year ago

Norfolk/Suffolk

Totally average, in every area.

If you want someone that doesn't stick out from the crowd then I'm your man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Middle aged gran, can't accomadate, nor drive. Sporting a lot of grey hair these days, haven't really worn makeup in a decade, can't walk too well in heels. Mostly busy with work... But I do put out on occasion

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

You shouldn’t

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By *arkandlovelyWoman
over a year ago

South Derbyshire

I'm pretty enough that you won't mind me lying there disinterested.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a penis, what more do you want

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a penis, what more do you want

Is it attached or a spare one you pop in the post?

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By *B69Woman
over a year ago

Wiltshire

I look ok with a paper bag over my head

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I look ok with a paper bag over my head"

Need proof tbh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a gash that won't close and an ass that won't quit.

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By *unCuriousHarryMan
over a year ago

somrwhere over the rainbow, The Shire

I make a mega cup of tea

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By *unCuriousHarryMan
over a year ago

somrwhere over the rainbow, The Shire

"I'm a milf

Enough said

Well helloooooo then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a penis, what more do you want

Is it attached or a spare one you pop in the post?

Like Mr Potato Head

it is very much not removable

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By *BootyfulDayWoman
over a year ago

…

"Fatty living in the Midlands seeks female to help him eat his stash of freddo's and curly wurly's, also makes a mean beans on toast."

Hmm do you add cheese to the beans on toast?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only my general awesomeness

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

You should sleep with me to find out why you should

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

I’ve been told I’m funny so can make you laugh they say I’m like Peter Kay great at socials

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sex is equivalent to 30 mins exercise… but I include an orgasm with that….

I’ve not had sex t for a while…imagine the effort I would put in….

Everyone knows where Manchester is, it is literally on the map….

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

"I have a penis, what more do you want

... a pulse to go with it?!

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By *beeMan
over a year ago

Bristol

"I have a penis, what more do you want

... a pulse to go with it?!

Well that's 2 boxes I tick!!

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By *.R.MMan
over a year ago

Norfolk

You’ll find out why afterwards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Big burly bear for cuddles, always have decent coffee, and the best snacks for after.

Can also cook minute rice in 58 secs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gilf with my own teeth and hair.

Been told I scrub up well got big boobs and a pussy like velvet. Also give great blow jobs

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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago

Milton keynes

I have cakes lol added bonus if wanted smeared on me lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Gilf with my own teeth and hair.

Been told I scrub up well got big boobs and a pussy like velvet. Also give great blow jobs

Honestly sounds like you have the whole packet... I was excited at own teeth, and it kept getting better lol

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"Gilf with my own teeth and hair.

Been told I scrub up well got big boobs and a pussy like velvet. Also give great blow jobs

Sold

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a gash that won't close and an ass that won't quit."

This is a keeper

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“I thought I could cook but his guy, wow!, makes

Me look average” Mr G Ramsey

“The only guy is run into a burning building with” Every Firefighter Ever

“That’s his penis! I didn’t know whether to fuck it or fight it” - anonymous

Just a few comments people have made about me over the years…

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By *aughty but nice...Man
over a year ago

Staffs

"I have a gash that won't close and an ass that won't quit."

Marriage material

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By *aughty Couple ABCCouple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

I have lovely soft skin (so I've been told) and give a really gentle blow job (something else I've been told!).

Hubby is very good at watching

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By *aughty Couple ABCCouple
over a year ago

West Bromwich

"I have lovely soft skin (so I've been told) and give a really gentle blow job (something else I've been told!).

Hubby is very good at watching

Oh and I've also got boobs

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By *osey WalesMan
over a year ago

Surrey

I build stuff.

I am good with my hands.

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

What you see is what you get

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can helicopter for days

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

"I have a penis, what more do you want

... a pulse to go with it?!

Well that's 2 boxes I tick!!

Sold! Lolol

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By *auti Lass and MoleCouple
over a year ago

Bicester

Some people say that animals are great judge of characters. If that is true, then these should help you decide.

Dogs adore us.

Cats tolerate us (highest praise they offer).

Gold fish like to blow us kisses.

If that hasn't swooped you off your feet, we also make an amazing velvetised hot chocolate.

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By *dventurous biMan
over a year ago

tesside

"Middle aged gran, can't accomadate, nor drive. Sporting a lot of grey hair these days, haven't really worn makeup in a decade, can't walk too well in heels. Mostly busy with work... But I do put out on occasion

You had me at gran

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By *dventurous biMan
over a year ago

tesside

Old bloke with most of his teeth and some of his hair remaining.

I don’t have multiple orgasms but I am a carrier.

Not a gynaecologist, but will have a look if you want.

I have a prehensile tongue and can breathe through my aural appendages.

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By *aughty but nice...Man
over a year ago

Staffs

Apparently I have some girth which I'm led to believe is much sort after

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'll start

Female with pulse married to a hottie with a soft sexy Scottish accent.

Live in the Midlands so easy to get to.

Great boobs

Hmmm. Decentttttttt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You shouldn’t, I’m very dull haha but if anyone wants to get me a very unhealthy maccies breakfast - now we’re talking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you’re unsure then you shouldn’t fuck me. That’s my advice.

But if you are feeling me anyway, I’m worth it.

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

"You shouldn’t, I’m very dull haha but if anyone wants to get me a very unhealthy maccies breakfast - now we’re talking

Wished I had known that sooner what what would you like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You shouldn’t, I’m very dull haha but if anyone wants to get me a very unhealthy maccies breakfast - now we’re talking

Do you want a ‘large one’?

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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago

Stirling

I’m a flexible, potty mouthed Scot!

A lover of the risqué, unashamed exhibitionist, who will dance on your dick like a kinky ballerina

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My cock is very nice... .it will open doors for you or carry your shopping

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By *airytaleOfNewPorkMan
over a year ago

Close By

Me? Sheeesh... I guess because I am obsessed with the pleasure of others above my own.

I also bring wine with cake or biscuits on request

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By *weetiepie99Woman
over a year ago

cardiff

Nice things come in small packages (me), and i make a delish lemon drizzle cake

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By *J GeminiTV/TS
over a year ago

Northumberland

I have a figure to seduce that shy Male in the couple and oral skills to prepare him for his lady

Oral skills to satisfy the lady after she has been filled and extra benefits to keep her aroused while he recovers

All in all, I'm a handy sex toy for any couple

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

"My cock is very nice... .it will open doors for you or carry your shopping "

Damn!! I’ve just been shopping too

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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Unassuming and approachable middle aged chap who is still too young of mind to be entirely serious, but too old and tired to get dramatic about anything.

Good enough in a kitchen to rustle up pre-/post-sex snacks, squishy and comfortable enough to sleep on due to too many similar snacks at other times.

Inoffensively penised; girthy enough to notice, short enough to leave your cervix/tonsils where they are. Lightly bearded for those who enjoy mild vaginal exfoliation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My cock is very nice... .it will open doors for you or carry your shopping

Damn!! I’ve just been shopping too

"
.

Well if you had asked it would have helped you

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By *airytaleOfNewPorkMan
over a year ago

Close By

"Nice things come in small packages (me), and i make a delish lemon drizzle cake"

I'm sold on the Lemon Drizzle Cake!

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I bang like a barn door in a force 5 gale and hardly ever shout random off-putting things while having sex. I also try my best not to badly injure partners, and it's the thought that counts.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

"My cock is very nice... .it will open doors for you or carry your shopping

Damn!! I’ve just been shopping too

Well if you had asked it would have helped you

How very kind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can breath through my ears. For at least a minute.

I can stay hard for hours. Whether I stay awake is a different matter.

I under promise and yet still fail to deliver

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will make you a millionaire shortbread with biscoff and Nutella.

And if you fancy going toe to toe on Tekken 3 or Worms Armageddon before or after, the offer is there.

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By *eliusMan
over a year ago

Henlow

I get fucked regularly, by my clients, Inland Revenue and utility suppliers … Oh! You mean fucked! Sorry why should you? .. well you shouldn’t I ain’t all that.

Reverse psychology 101 …

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My cock is very nice... .it will open doors for you or carry your shopping

Damn!! I’ve just been shopping too

Well if you had asked it would have helped you

How very kind

Mail me next time and will open those doors for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You shouldn’t, I’m very dull haha but if anyone wants to get me a very unhealthy maccies breakfast - now we’re talking

I'll throw in maccies and a KFC for later

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By *innocentMan
over a year ago

Littlehampton

I have the greatest collection of dogs enjoying their first ever pupacinos that anyone has ever seen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You shouldn’t, I’m very dull haha but if anyone wants to get me a very unhealthy maccies breakfast - now we’re talking

I'll throw in maccies and a KFC for later

Done and done

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By *niceoneMan
over a year ago

South Glos

Because its not all about me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Michael fassbenders slightly uglier younger brother with a slightly bigger dick.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bizarrely I have a stash of freddos and curlywurly. We might be on to something here. Do the beans have those lovely little polymer sausages in and do you put an egg on top?

"Fatty living in the Midlands seeks female to help him eat his stash of freddo's and curly wurly's, also makes a mean beans on toast."

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By *intsizedpocketrocketsCouple
over a year ago

Stafford

"I'll start

Female with pulse married to a hottie with a soft sexy Scottish accent.

Live in the Midlands so easy to get to.

Great boobs

Female with a pulse

Got to be the best advert there!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Last warning

You shouldnt im far too addictive run away while you can

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 29/04/22 13:25:18]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make a damn good cheesecake?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The question for me is why shouldn’t you fuck me

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

I’m a flirter that needs to turn the flirtery into fuckery.

They say you can laugh people into bed, I’m not funny so I’ll have to bribe you with beer and crisps.

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By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

Because you want to? Come on, you know you do!

If you like someone who is respectful, doesn't take himself too seriously, loves a bit of a cuddle and will actually turn up, then drop me a message

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because my vagina holds the key to eternal happiness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have cake

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have cake

"
im on my way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have cake

im on my way"

Hurry up

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Because my vagina holds the key to eternal happiness. "

Ah, no wonder my husband can never find his house keys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

40 something, average looking, neat pretty pussy ( so I’ve been told ) , can probably beast you in a gym session and out squat you.

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By *rixieMeWoman
over a year ago

Farfarfar away

I’m round the corner, somewhere!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because I'm worth it!

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By *lex D.Man
over a year ago

London

I walk to playdates around London town in a suit with a briefcase full of toys.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck - I vaguely remember what the act is and how to do it, now that I'm a bit rusty, could be very malleable with the right person

Pint - I can barely handle 3 pints so a cheap night out

Avoid - yeah, I'll agree, I'm pretty avoidable most of the time

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Curvy, giggly, dark-haired beauty. Big boobs, amazing bum, and a little kinky. Centrally located.

Available with optional penis.

Also available with optional fiancé (with non-optional penis).

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By *alty surpriseMan
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

Well travelled ,well groomed mature man..very cheeky ,very unselfish in bed..someone you'd want to see again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"40 something, average looking, neat pretty pussy ( so I’ve been told ) , can probably beast you in a gym session and out squat you.

I’ll take that bet.

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By *exymarvelMan
over a year ago

cardiff

Happy go lucky, always looking out for others and very considerate. One day may get some fun if it feels right

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I want to get to know you before anything happens sexually.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because unlike all these other heathens and reprobates, I am a true gentleman, I always make sure I fart outside the duvet

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

A man is shipwrecked on a desert island. One day he finds a magic lamp on the beach. He rubs it and a genie appears.

"I will grant you three wishes," says the genie.

"For my first wish, I would like a boat with a full tank of petrol."

The genie snaps his fingers and the boat appears.

"For my second wish, I would like 10 million pounds."

The genie snaps his fingers and a bag appears stuffed with the money.

"For my final wish, I would like to be so popular that everyone likes me."

For the last time, the genie snaps his fingers and the man is turned into a box of chocolates!

I'm always willing to share a chocolate finger or two or even throw in a French fancy & a pot of sweet strong tea!

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By *weetiepie99Woman
over a year ago

cardiff

"Nice things come in small packages (me), and i make a delish lemon drizzle cake

I'm sold on the Lemon Drizzle Cake!

What about the small packages

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"I make a damn good cheesecake?"

What flavour?

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By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

Ok, food seems to be the main interest here, so.... Fridgecake anyone?

I've got salted caramel, jammy dodger or Baileys, but open to more suggestions.

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By *aughty_Smooth_OperatorMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

I love cake and don't mind sharing

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