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The intimidation factor

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By *agic.M OP   Man
over a year ago

Orpington

I know some women would never approach or message a man on fab, but the reasonings behind that choice are very diverse, with some simply being intimidated by the man (or their profile). I understand intimidation comes from a place of fear and insecurities (we all have insecurities) but I am trying to understand why a woman would be intimidated by a man on fab, because this concept of " I'm not good enough for him" is very confusing to me... we might not be compatible, however I would never not give a woman the chance to show me what type of person she is.

Could it be that these insecurities come from a place of prejudice? You see a man that looks in a specific way (let's say conventional handsome) and automatically think he is narcissistic or vain or full of himself, and because of that he would automatically reject you? Do you think that because he looks like that he is maybe shallow and has unrealistic high beauty standards for what he wants in a partner?

Now please don't misunderstand this thread, as I am not trying to offend anyone, and I know guys are also guilty of these types of prejudices... me being one of them...there have been times when I saw a woman that looks and dresses in a specific way, and I automatically thought "I'm not rich enough to take her out on a date" (and I know it's wrong and I'm trying to be better than that).

So to be more direct in my question ...do any of you ladies feel intimidated by a man's profile/pictures (on fab) to such a degree that you wouldn't message them or approach them? And if yes, why? What makes them intimidating?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

I’ll think ‘he’s way too fit for me’

But, then I have clarity and think , actually …. he may be conventionally handsome and bring a chiselled jaw to the table - but ‘I’m fucking amazing’ and I’ll appreciate that person from afar and carry on with my day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely yes for me, they look great, body type (and I don't mean gym toned either), I'm just punching well above! I think I would be laughed at!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Definitely yes for me, they look great, body type (and I don't mean gym toned either), I'm just punching well above! I think I would be laughed at! "

You’re not punching!!!

You’re amazing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmmm I simply don’t message because I am lucky that they do first.

I have done a few times with guys I liked and with majority I had no problems at all and it was a good outcome x

Obviously my insecurities would be rejected for being a woman of trans experience. If they don’t know, it can go either direction and yes. It does feel Shitty cos there might be the attraction till they found out the info

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It happens the other way too. I don't lack confidence in person but I get really wound up with an introduction message. I just start wondering why that gorgeous woman would take the time to read it.

Obviously if you don't try you get no where though so I stay polite and don't hassle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Definitely yes for me, they look great, body type (and I don't mean gym toned either), I'm just punching well above! I think I would be laughed at!

You’re not punching!!!

You’re amazing "

Awe thank you my lovely! Mwah!

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Yes. Absolutely.

I'll flirt with anyone on the forum. But it takes a hell of a lot of soul searching for me to send that first message, and it has always been with a "to hell with it, all I have to lose is a little pride".

Usually I bottle it and don't send the message, or it'll be about something forum related as opposed to "I think you're awful purty, wanna bump uglies".

But it's because I'm well aware I'm not who most men fantasise about, especially on here, and past experience has taught me that putting myself out there to be shot down, laughed at or scorned is just going to hurt.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

To be honest I've not been intimidated by a man's looks. They're just looks and they're not my main draw to a man or woman. My other half is nearly a decade younger and is much fitter than me.

Fear of rejection because of poor mental health is a totally different thing. I'm currently not in the mindset to deal with rejection so we're not meeting. Once I'm a better place I'll approach anyone who gets my cogs whirring.

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By *xploring_FunWoman
over a year ago

Coventry

Because at least half the time I’ve messaged first I’ve got something nasty back in reply.

It’s quite rare now that I message first.

Recently even invited some people that I’ve met before to a bukkake event and a few didn’t even acknowledge the message so it’s unlikely I’ll bother in future.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes. Absolutely.

I'll flirt with anyone on the forum. But it takes a hell of a lot of soul searching for me to send that first message, and it has always been with a "to hell with it, all I have to lose is a little pride".

Usually I bottle it and don't send the message, or it'll be about something forum related as opposed to "I think you're awful purty, wanna bump uglies".

But it's because I'm well aware I'm not who most men fantasise about, especially on here, and past experience has taught me that putting myself out there to be shot down, laughed at or scorned is just going to hurt."

You

Are

Amazing

And utterly beautiful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like this question.

I have always figured I’d be too much of a hag for a certain kind of man. I don’t do make up. I don’t do fillers. I’m severely under stocked in the lingerie department, mostly because my tits are too small to pull anything off. All of these are very superficial things. But in my experience, certain types of men expect such things as a given, and if I can’t meet that basic expectation, I don’t envision them making it past that to get to the non superficial stuff.

On the flip side, this concept of punching above your weight was alien to me until a couple of years ago when I met someone that I really liked but they thought they could never be good enough for me because they perceived this beauty and the beast sort of thing that I didn’t even realise existed. In the end, the insecurities became too much for either of us to bear.

I don’t like the punching concept. It stops people from being themselves, and they focus too much on the skin deep and not enough on the natural chemistry. So now, I avoid people who think they’re punching. I don’t need my heart broke a second time.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I've never been intimidated by just a man's pictures.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained I say.

They will either respond or they won't. Rejection (if you can call it that) is part of life and just because a stranger may say no, it doesn't make a difference to me as we all have preferences x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't get intimidated, if I fancy him I'll wink or message. The worst that can happen is he doesn't reply or he replies saying no thanks. Neither of those situations would affect me too much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some do they seem to think im this gym rat when im more little fat gobshite

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't believe in leagues so its not that. But if a man is super athletic, gym fit and says on the profile, I assume he would judge my wobbly bits. That's a reflection on me though not them.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Some do they seem to think im this gym rat when im more little fat gobshite"

The second part if that sentence is so true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally if I looked at a profile and had any worries about being in their league I’d check out their verifications.

If they describe a decent person who is good company and interested in making sure the woman’s needs are met as well as their own then I’d take the chance and message.

I would of course make sure I met their tick box list first.

Nothing ventured…..

Viv

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

No not really. I’m probably guilty of thinking if they’re really fit they probably meet lots of people so we wouldn’t be compatible anyway so I wouldn’t bother but that’s probably all x

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By *dalisqueWoman
over a year ago

land of make believe

I really don't feel intimidated by pictures at all

I'm looking for so much more than a physical attraction so am only compatible with men that are too.

Having said that,I don't message first anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't stand a chance with any of the fit guys in the furom. I got cheeky at the Manc social and said hello to some of these men. Not one of them acknowledged me with a veri. That says it all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a great question again OP and the answers so far have been really interesting to read.

It has brought another question to mind but I will leave that for another thread later

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By *nto the LouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

I absolutely get intimidated by good looks and fit bodies. This is partly because I think they wouldn’t be interested in me because they’re out of my league and partly because I’d feel even worse about myself next to them.

I’ve turned interest down from people I’ve thought are really hot on here because I can’t think why on Earth they’d be interested in me.

I also wouldn’t message any man first because I would never assume they’d be interested.

Yes I have issues

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wouldn't stand a chance with any of the fit guys in the furom. I got cheeky at the Manc social and said hello to some of these men. Not one of them acknowledged me with a veri. That says it all."

I’m sorry , what do you mean they didn’t acknowledge you? Did you verify them and they didn’t reciprocate?

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I can't put words in anyone's mouth but looking at this from a position where I don't send messages at all and therefore every single conversation in the last 2 years has been initiated by women, I think it's a myth that there are large numbers of women who don't send the first message.

Obviously there will be some women who may be reluctant just as there are some men equally reluctant because of their individual insecurities.

Most people that contact me are surprised that I'm not having loads of conversations ongoing and that I'm not meeting lots of people but that's just their perception based on the fact that I've put some effort into my profile and I'm a regular forum poster so therefore I must be "popular".

At least half the women who get in touch decide to do so because they are attracted to that perceived popularity and that's what floats their boat. Those women are always very confident and single minded and very sure that their method of approach will work. It may well do with some men but they obviously haven't been paying attention if they expect it to work with me because any predetermined expectation is a major turn off.

The other 50 percent of messages I receive are from women who have read my profile and seen enough in my forum posts to feel comfortable enough to get in touch.

Those are the women who send messages as if we are already mid conversation and have spoken before. The normal everyday type of messages that encourage me to respond positively and don't treat me like a number.

I can't say if any of those women regret making first contact or if they feel any differently now but just like a man making the first move, it's all about the angle of approach. Get that wrong and you will crash and burn. Read the clues in the profile and it should be a smooth landing.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

In my many years on Fab, there's only ever been one man I've been intimidated by. It wasn't solely his photos though, it was his photos with others. He was/is still beautiful. Beautiful body. Beautiful face. Decent nose. Good accent (yep, if you're reading this, I'm talking about you Conrad (not his real name!)). And that way with words? Honestly, it takes someone from my industry to have such control with language. Fricking beautiful.

And I convinced myself there would be absolutely zero chance he'd be interested in me - I was very low in self esteem, saw other women as infinitely better than me. More desirable. How could someone like him even notice me? The chubby posh twat with big boobs.

But. We met. Met again. You get the idea.

And I realised, it wasn't so much that my insecurities about talking to him came from a place of prejudice. It was me, beating myself up and deciding I wasn't good enough. Not that he was too good.

So now, I'm embracing the squishy. If I like the look of someone, I'll message them. Talk to them. Be happy in me, accept that there's not a league. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I think absolutely no one could fancy me. But it's boring and tiring hating yourself.

Life is too short.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"I wouldn't stand a chance with any of the fit guys in the furom. I got cheeky at the Manc social and said hello to some of these men. Not one of them acknowledged me with a veri. That says it all."

It doesn’t really though. I rarely do veris myself. I don’t really think to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In my many years on Fab, there's only ever been one man I've been intimidated by. It wasn't solely his photos though, it was his photos with others. He was/is still beautiful. Beautiful body. Beautiful face. Decent nose. Good accent (yep, if you're reading this, I'm talking about you Conrad (not his real name!)). And that way with words? Honestly, it takes someone from my industry to have such control with language. Fricking beautiful.

And I convinced myself there would be absolutely zero chance he'd be interested in me - I was very low in self esteem, saw other women as infinitely better than me. More desirable. How could someone like him even notice me? The chubby posh twat with big boobs.

But. We met. Met again. You get the idea.

And I realised, it wasn't so much that my insecurities about talking to him came from a place of prejudice. It was me, beating myself up and deciding I wasn't good enough. Not that he was too good.

So now, I'm embracing the squishy. If I like the look of someone, I'll message them. Talk to them. Be happy in me, accept that there's not a league. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I think absolutely no one could fancy me. But it's boring and tiring hating yourself.

Life is too short."

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"Yes. Absolutely.

I'll flirt with anyone on the forum. But it takes a hell of a lot of soul searching for me to send that first message, and it has always been with a "to hell with it, all I have to lose is a little pride".

Usually I bottle it and don't send the message, or it'll be about something forum related as opposed to "I think you're awful purty, wanna bump uglies".

But it's because I'm well aware I'm not who most men fantasise about, especially on here, and past experience has taught me that putting myself out there to be shot down, laughed at or scorned is just going to hurt.

You

Are

Amazing

And utterly beautiful "

You

Made

Me

Well

Up

And back at you gorgeous

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t feel intimidated by men/women in fab or in real life, we’re all people, and I don’t buy into the punching theory, it’s about attraction, connection and chemistry.

As I said the other day though, it requires bravery for me to message/wink someone.

Not because I think I’m above messaging someone, but because I’m anxious about approaching/meeting new people and I find it hard. I’m also scared of men I don’t know, because I’ve had some really horrible experiences, so I measure people up very carefully before I decide to message/wink or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread has some interesting replies

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By *RANDMRSJAECouple
over a year ago

chester

I was when we first joined & hugely anxious about putting a photo on. The photos might show a few good angles & lucky lighting but it’s not quite the reflection I see in the mirror.

However, I’ve seen how positive people can be about each other. Women are supportive of women and men can compliment each other without it being weird. It’s such a good platform to lose body insecurities and be more accepting of yourself & others.

I rarely message first, so I can’t really answer your question. It still surprises me when I get a message from a guy I don’t believe would give me a second glance away from Fab.

I would feel (and have felt) it necessary to point out that we wouldn’t match body wise !

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

I wish more ladies would message. I'm a pussy cat x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont get intimidated, I just dont bother messaging as the standard responses are either a) No reponse, or b) Sarcasm or abuse about my marital status.

Im not sure Fab is really for me to be fair.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"Definitely yes for me, they look great, body type (and I don't mean gym toned either), I'm just punching well above! I think I would be laughed at! "

I've obviously intimidated you, as I'm blocked

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

Nope, never. I've only met one person from here who I didn't initiate contact with, and I've met some very good looking (in my opinion) men. Looking aesthetically pleasing in their pictures would make me more likely to message (unless their profile text or forum posts give me the sense that we wouldn't be compatible personality wise).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not intimidated as such, I just assume that he couldn't possibly be interested in me and if I thought he was I'm not good at 'putting myself out there'

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"This thread has some interesting replies "

Yeah, there's some stunners on here, and a few friends and hotlisters too. Do say hi if you want x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wouldn't stand a chance with any of the fit guys in the furom. I got cheeky at the Manc social and said hello to some of these men. Not one of them acknowledged me with a veri. That says it all."

Did you veri them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you should ever think because someone has a certain body type that they won't be interested in you. Personally I've done that much cycling my body is definitely adapted that way so I'm slim with obviously muscular legs. But to be honest I'm more attracted to women with curves, always have been and wobbly bits are wonderful. Really, I know there's physical attraction but for me I need a connection too and that's not something you can see in photographs.

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

I just don’t message men because I don’t have to. I get inundated and have made excellent choices from those deluges of messages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not intimidated. If I like the look of him I'll send a message. I'm more put off by things they are into or their character, than how they look like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fab has given me a superpower. The total confidence that I never would have believed. I would have no problem messaging anyone I wanted too. Even if it was just a you are hot message. J x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some do they seem to think im this gym rat when im more little fat gobshite

The second part if that sentence is so true "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Definitely yes for me, they look great, body type (and I don't mean gym toned either), I'm just punching well above! I think I would be laughed at!

I've obviously intimidated you, as I'm blocked "

I was blocked first I found. just saying

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By *ighty_tightyMan
over a year ago

Norfolk/Suffolk

Yep.

I'm fully aware I'm not anything "special". Average in almost all areas, not that it's a bad thing but those with more unique attributes do stand out.

Does that stop me sending a polite compliment, no. Does it lower my response expectations, yes.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Millions of years of never facing rejection because you are your gender that gets picked is what causes this

It’s the same thing how we are scared of the dark despite knowing we are safe. Millions of years of nocturnal animals hurting us when we can’t see them.

It’s just a fear of rejection they don’t have to face. Why face something when your inbox is full?

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"Definitely yes for me, they look great, body type (and I don't mean gym toned either), I'm just punching well above! I think I would be laughed at!

I've obviously intimidated you, as I'm blocked

I was blocked first I found. just saying "

Really? How's that happened? See if I can work that out x

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"Definitely yes for me, they look great, body type (and I don't mean gym toned either), I'm just punching well above! I think I would be laughed at!

I've obviously intimidated you, as I'm blocked

I was blocked first I found. just saying "

You're not on my list (it's only got two people on it) x

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By *B69Woman
over a year ago

Wiltshire

I’ve never felt intimidated and have messaged men before, but I do doubt myself sometimes when a young good looking gym fit guy would msg, I do wonder why they would be interested in an old couch potato

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"I’ve never felt intimidated and have messaged men before, but I do doubt myself sometimes when a young good looking gym fit guy would msg, I do wonder why they would be interested in an old couch potato"

You're having a laugh, right? Gorgeous lady x

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

The whole point of our profile and posts on the forum is to intimidate others, so they don’t bother wasting their time looking for something we aren’t interested in.

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By *ighty_tightyMan
over a year ago

Norfolk/Suffolk


"I’ve never felt intimidated and have messaged men before, but I do doubt myself sometimes when a young good looking gym fit guy would msg, I do wonder why they would be interested in an old couch potato"

They message because they are not blind and your pictures are fantastic

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

The only reason I don't usually msg incredibly fit guys is because I know I probably couldn't keep up with their energy levels.

Nothing really to do with looks or not being on their level of whatever.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I rarely approach men for a myriad of reasons.

I know I’m not what most men find attractive on Fab (height, size etc) so I just wouldn’t put myself out there. We’ve all seen the threads where your ideal type of man/woman etc is stated.

I’m rubbish at flirting and I’m not very gregarious so can’t flirt or chat my way into a man’s attention.

I’m also very, very shy and also I’m old fashioned and like to be wooed (dating wise, not fab wise).

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"I rarely approach men for a myriad of reasons.

I know I’m not what most men find attractive on Fab (height, size etc) so I just wouldn’t put myself out there. We’ve all seen the threads where your ideal type of man/woman etc is stated.

I’m rubbish at flirting and I’m not very gregarious so can’t flirt or chat my way into a man’s attention.

I’m also very, very shy and also I’m old fashioned and like to be wooed (dating wise, not fab wise).

"

You're very attractive, but I'm 1 year too old x

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By *agic.M OP   Man
over a year ago

Orpington


"I absolutely get intimidated by good looks and fit bodies. This is partly because I think they wouldn’t be interested in me because they’re out of my league and partly because I’d feel even worse about myself next to them.

I’ve turned interest down from people I’ve thought are really hot on here because I can’t think why on Earth they’d be interested in me.

I also wouldn’t message any man first because I would never assume they’d be interested.

Yes I have issues "

Would you feel bad about yourself next to any "gym fit" guy? Even if they were a colleague? Or a friend? Or a friend with benefits? Would you not socialize at all with a fit guy? In any environment?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't get intimidated by men.

However, I've got a body type that's in fashion at the moment and I have high self esteem.

I do get intimidated by women though and not by their looks. More on an intellectual level. That they'll think I'm a bit of a wazzack.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I first joined fab yes I found profiles that I took one look at and thought he wouldn't be interested. A lack of self confidence on my part. Though in saying that I had a little more confidence than I had done.

Being really honest, I would have avoided those that had plenty of women to choose from simply because, selfishly, I wanted someone who would be free and available and less likely to say no because they were seeing someone else.

Sounds possessive right?.. Its not it's just a case of wanting a yes rather than a no. Call me shallow.

I'd be put off of first messages with guys that stated certain things on their profile and meant we weren't a match.

Others I messaged several times and either didn't get a reply or it took months to get a meet... Because it turned out they had someone.

PW

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I don't think I'm intimidating at all ..just not interesting enough

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

I've never been intimidated by guys on here. Why would I be? They're just people.

However, when I was first on here, I wouldn't message attractive or gym fit guys 'cos I thought they'd find me physically repulsive (as I do, 50% of the time). Thankfully that's now changing. I've met some wonderful guys who DO find me attractive & that's done wonders for my confidence.

Yes, there are still guys who aren't attracted to me, but have become good friends instead. That's just as important to me. X

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"I've never been intimidated by guys on here. Why would I be? They're just people.

However, when I was first on here, I wouldn't message attractive or gym fit guys 'cos I thought they'd find me physically repulsive (as I do, 50% of the time). Thankfully that's now changing. I've met some wonderful guys who DO find me attractive & that's done wonders for my confidence.

Yes, there are still guys who aren't attracted to me, but have become good friends instead. That's just as important to me. X"

Red, as ever, you pretty much sum up my feelings too. I do message stereotypically "fit" guys, who I might find attractive and had various responses (mainly no, ta ). I don't find all "gym fit" guys attractive, by the way, and realising a physically attractive person is an unpleasant person is enough to put me right off.

I also don't want to be fetishised as a "BBW" or similar, which seems to be a thing among a subset of guys, so that further puts me off messaging or replying, if they refer to me as a BBW.

It is what it is....

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish


"I wouldn't stand a chance with any of the fit guys in the furom. I got cheeky at the Manc social and said hello to some of these men. Not one of them acknowledged me with a veri. That says it all."

Eh? I chatted to pretty much everyone and didn’t get verified. It’s not what I go for. I go to chat to my mates and maybe even make new ones.

I think you know my answer to your question op. If I like someone I’ll message. Sometimes I’m their type - sometimes I’m not. It’s no big deal. My self esteem isn’t reliant on whether a stranger on a swinging site fancies me or not. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do send messages to men. I do friendzone myself though. So they're friendly messages not "hey you're gorgeous" ones. I don't think i am intimidated, just realistic about myself.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Not especially. However if their profile says they are looking for someone over 30 under 50 with skyward pointing boobs, overly long legs with a panting fanny who takes it up the jacksie and is incapable of 'no' ..... I wouldn't push my luck ........

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"I wouldn't stand a chance with any of the fit guys in the furom. I got cheeky at the Manc social and said hello to some of these men. Not one of them acknowledged me with a veri. That says it all."

Not really. That says they didn't write a verification, nothing else. I said hello to probably 98% of the people who walked through the door at the social, and had further conversation with a fair few people, but I didn't get verified by most of them, nor did I verify most of them. It doesn't mean anything other than we didn't verify each other.

You said hi to lot of people at the social, I was impressed because you took the bull by the horns (so to speak). Why not do it again and verify them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/04/22 18:29:17]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I rarely approach men for a myriad of reasons.

I know I’m not what most men find attractive on Fab (height, size etc) so I just wouldn’t put myself out there. We’ve all seen the threads where your ideal type of man/woman etc is stated.

I’m rubbish at flirting and I’m not very gregarious so can’t flirt or chat my way into a man’s attention.

I’m also very, very shy and also I’m old fashioned and like to be wooed (dating wise, not fab wise).

Luna you're stunning. Anyone who doesn't find you attractive is very misguided indeed x

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As for my being intimidated by anyone i just dont i dont even feel nerves only 1 person has ever been able to make me feel vulnerable in any kind of way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not especially. However if their profile says they are looking for someone over 30 under 50 with skyward pointing boobs, overly long legs with a panting fanny who takes it up the jacksie and is incapable of 'no' ..... I wouldn't push my luck ........

"

Well said Granny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would feel intimidated and worried that a young fit handsome guy was just on a milf hunt. I wouldn't want to be a tick in the mature women section. I would wonder why they were not looking for an equally young fit beautiful woman instead of an old bird with wobbly bits..

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin


"I like this question.

I have always figured I’d be too much of a hag for a certain kind of man. I don’t do make up. I don’t do fillers. I’m severely under stocked in the lingerie department, mostly because my tits are too small to pull anything off. All of these are very superficial things. But in my experience, certain types of men expect such things as a given, and if I can’t meet that basic expectation, I don’t envision them making it past that to get to the non superficial stuff.

On the flip side, this concept of punching above your weight was alien to me until a couple of years ago when I met someone that I really liked but they thought they could never be good enough for me because they perceived this beauty and the beast sort of thing that I didn’t even realise existed. In the end, the insecurities became too much for either of us to bear.

I don’t like the punching concept. It stops people from being themselves, and they focus too much on the skin deep and not enough on the natural chemistry. So now, I avoid people who think they’re punching. I don’t need my heart broke a second time. "

I can identify with a lot of this post.

I also don't do make-up, nails, fake tan, don't own a huge lingerie collection or heels for that matter... which very well may make me more unattractive to many men on a swinger's/sex site.

Yet I have had no problems in the past on my single woman's profile to initiate conversation with a man (that's how I met himself).

However, I do look to see if there is the potential of compatibility through the profile and Forum interactions.

I don't believe in punching above your weight - there's just incompatibility. That's my firm belief. Confidence issues can be lethal to any relationship.

I know I won't be attractive, physically and personality wise, to everyone and vice versa. Sometimes that chemistry is there for one but not the other. That's life. But it didn't mean that I wouldn't take a chance on a profile that was of interest to me... and knockbacks won't change that either.

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By *rMojoRisinMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

So that’s why women don’t message me, they’re intimidated by my beauty!

Thank fuck, I thought it was because I was a sweary motherfucker!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

No, I message who I feel like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn’t feel intimidated by any profile. In all honestly I still feel like Fab is an online world, and people are never unapproachable in the ‘real’ world so if I ever felt I wanted to message someone I would.

My truth though, is that, I’ve not really messaged anyone with a view to meeting for an extremely long time. I just occasionally dabble on the forums. So I’m sure those who really need the outlet of meets / socialising etc would feel more inclined to consider the question from their own perspective. Some people will have different tastes or capabilities, but I’ve never felt out of anyones “league”.

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

A lot of ladies on this thread do appear to be intimidated by 'fit' men.

Why not take a chance on a 'fat' man instead?

Bet I don't get any ladies messaging me haha

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

I'm not fit. Message me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes.

An extremely attractive mid 30s-40s guy with a cracking body, personality and who seems to have his shit together? Would tick all the boxes if I were looking for a man but I'd also automatically assume they would not be interested in a woman pushing 50. Especially if their verifications suggest their type is a hot as fuck 20 something with no wrinkles or stretch marks and tits he could rest his pint on.

Not looking for anyone to blow smoke up my arse btw. Just giving an honest answer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not especially. However if their profile says they are looking for someone over 30 under 50 with skyward pointing boobs, overly long legs with a panting fanny who takes it up the jacksie and is incapable of 'no' ..... I wouldn't push my luck ........

"

You beat me to it

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By *RANDMRSJAECouple
over a year ago

chester


"Not especially. However if their profile says they are looking for someone over 30 under 50 with skyward pointing boobs, overly long legs with a panting fanny who takes it up the jacksie and is incapable of 'no' ..... I wouldn't push my luck ........

You beat me to it "

A panting Fanny though

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"Yes.

An extremely attractive mid 30s-40s guy with a cracking body, personality and who seems to have his shit together? Would tick all the boxes if I were looking for a man but I'd also automatically assume they would not be interested in a woman pushing 50. Especially if their verifications suggest their type is a hot as fuck 20 something with no wrinkles or stretch marks and tits he could rest his pint on.

Not looking for anyone to blow smoke up my arse btw. Just giving an honest answer."

Oh......(stops writing PM) xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not especially. However if their profile says they are looking for someone over 30 under 50 with skyward pointing boobs, overly long legs with a panting fanny who takes it up the jacksie and is incapable of 'no' ..... I wouldn't push my luck ........

You beat me to it

A panting Fanny though "

Raises hand for that

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By *o30Woman
over a year ago

Lincoln

I rarely message first. The few times i have i got ignored so now if I see a guy I like look of I look at his profile and verifications. If he's meet women the complete opposite to me, I usually block & move on.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"I rarely message first. The few times i have i got ignored so now if I see a guy I like look of I look at his profile and verifications. If he's meet women the complete opposite to me, I usually block & move on.

"

They ignore you? Idiots. Raise your age range by a year.....better class of man x

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By *RANDMRSJAECouple
over a year ago

chester


"Not especially. However if their profile says they are looking for someone over 30 under 50 with skyward pointing boobs, overly long legs with a panting fanny who takes it up the jacksie and is incapable of 'no' ..... I wouldn't push my luck ........

You beat me to it

A panting Fanny though

Raises hand for that "

Just thought it was a menopausal thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Clearly accounts for my lack of meets here.

Clearly. No other excuse necessary.

That's my script and I'm sticking to it.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"Not especially. However if their profile says they are looking for someone over 30 under 50 with skyward pointing boobs, overly long legs with a panting fanny who takes it up the jacksie and is incapable of 'no' ..... I wouldn't push my luck ........

You beat me to it

A panting Fanny though

Raises hand for that

Just thought it was a menopausal thing "

Only panting fanny I ever saw was at the 3.20 at Doncaster. Came last xx

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By *o30Woman
over a year ago

Lincoln


"I rarely message first. The few times i have i got ignored so now if I see a guy I like look of I look at his profile and verifications. If he's meet women the complete opposite to me, I usually block & move on.

They ignore you? Idiots. Raise your age range by a year.....better class of man x"

The ones who would be interested in meeting me are usually mikes away haha

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I have messaged many men on fab and never feel intimidated by any profile. I just say what I want to say and if I don't get a response then it is not the end of the world. Life is too short to sit on the fence.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"I rarely message first. The few times i have i got ignored so now if I see a guy I like look of I look at his profile and verifications. If he's meet women the complete opposite to me, I usually block & move on.

They ignore you? Idiots. Raise your age range by a year.....better class of man x

The ones who would be interested in meeting me are usually mikes away haha "

Have train, can travel xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not especially. However if their profile says they are looking for someone over 30 under 50 with skyward pointing boobs, overly long legs with a panting fanny who takes it up the jacksie and is incapable of 'no' ..... I wouldn't push my luck ........

You beat me to it

A panting Fanny though

Raises hand for that

Just thought it was a menopausal thing "

Oh. Yes of course that's totally what I interpreted it as.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"I have messaged many men on fab and never feel intimidated by any profile. I just say what I want to say and if I don't get a response then it is not the end of the world. Life is too short to sit on the fence."

Ahem....my inbox must be broken x

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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago

Derbyshire village


"Definitely yes for me, they look great, body type (and I don't mean gym toned either), I'm just punching well above! I think I would be laughed at!

You’re not punching!!!

You’re amazing "

I hate the term "punching above my weight" - everyone has their qualities and looks is only part of the whole

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"Definitely yes for me, they look great, body type (and I don't mean gym toned either), I'm just punching well above! I think I would be laughed at!

You’re not punching!!!

You’re amazing

I hate the term "punching above my weight" - everyone has their qualities and looks is only part of the whole "

I'm more Northern conference trying to play Premier league

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

O yes, totally intimidated tbh.

I'm not very confident, plus I'm fat and short

I don't do make up, lean towards scruffy at all times although I do try and struggle for time and can't accommodate. Not exactly a catch lol.

I'll wink if I'm very brave.

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By *ed LipstickWoman
over a year ago

Fucksville

I'll admit to not messaging men that I deem too attractive for me, must be to do with my own insecurities, was always the lanky, flat chested ginger at school

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"I'll admit to not messaging men that I deem too attractive for me, must be to do with my own insecurities, was always the lanky, flat chested ginger at school "

So wrong. So lovely xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"O yes, totally intimidated tbh.

I'm not very confident, plus I'm fat and short

I don't do make up, lean towards scruffy at all times although I do try and struggle for time and can't accommodate. Not exactly a catch lol.

I'll wink if I'm very brave. "

You're pretty.

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By *o30Woman
over a year ago

Lincoln


"O yes, totally intimidated tbh.

I'm not very confident, plus I'm fat and short

I don't do make up, lean towards scruffy at all times although I do try and struggle for time and can't accommodate. Not exactly a catch lol.

I'll wink if I'm very brave. "
you should wear your hair down more, looks great on you x

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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago

Derbyshire village


"Definitely yes for me, they look great, body type (and I don't mean gym toned either), I'm just punching well above! I think I would be laughed at!

You’re not punching!!!

You’re amazing

I hate the term "punching above my weight" - everyone has their qualities and looks is only part of the whole

I'm more Northern conference trying to play Premier league "

Nonsense. We may not be George Clooney (insert alternative) but I can tell you've a great sense of humour and I bet you're a caring sort too - you dress well and you've had favourable veris. Conference indeed!

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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago

Stirling

No, never

Intimidation to me is by product of low self esteem, fear of rejection or little self worth which in turn is projected into these statements that ‘good looking people’ are full of themselves. People who suffer from self doubt talk themselves out of many situations because they convince themselves it’s not worth it, focus on the worst possible outcome or they believe someone attractive can’t possibly be a non arrogant prick. There guard is up before any form of interaction, like a sense of self preservation almost - it’s a fear of being ignored or overlooked that prevents them for going for things they want in life that could be anything from a person to a job or what not.

Good looks are something different to everyone we’re all attracted to different things - if I see a profile and I like the look of the person, I’ll tend to read there bio - lack of effort in how the write would indicate to me that they expect to get by on looks alone, that there’s perhaps an arrogance there which may put me off messaging but I never think that persons too good for me or too whatever x

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By *atalie..Woman
over a year ago

Bolton

It's not that I'm intimidated by men or women, it's that I see who they play with via verifications, and if they are not built the way I am, I just don't bother

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"Definitely yes for me, they look great, body type (and I don't mean gym toned either), I'm just punching well above! I think I would be laughed at!

You’re not punching!!!

You’re amazing

I hate the term "punching above my weight" - everyone has their qualities and looks is only part of the whole

I'm more Northern conference trying to play Premier league

Nonsense. We may not be George Clooney (insert alternative) but I can tell you've a great sense of humour and I bet you're a caring sort too - you dress well and you've had favourable veris. Conference indeed!"

Cheers fella

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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago

Derbyshire village


"Definitely yes for me, they look great, body type (and I don't mean gym toned either), I'm just punching well above! I think I would be laughed at!

You’re not punching!!!

You’re amazing

I hate the term "punching above my weight" - everyone has their qualities and looks is only part of the whole

I'm more Northern conference trying to play Premier league

Nonsense. We may not be George Clooney (insert alternative) but I can tell you've a great sense of humour and I bet you're a caring sort too - you dress well and you've had favourable veris. Conference indeed!

Cheers fella "

No worries

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"It happens the other way too. I don't lack confidence in person but I get really wound up with an introduction message. I just start wondering why that gorgeous woman would take the time to read it.

Obviously if you don't try you get no where though so I stay polite and don't hassle."

It’s probably bias but it always feels to me like beautiful fir women , what I call the insta women do reply but are such hard work like short replies , waiting hrs / days for replies making no effort to go deeper, it feels like they literally are messaging dozens of men so I just give up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No, never

Intimidation to me is by product of low self esteem, fear of rejection or little self worth which in turn is projected into these statements that ‘good looking people’ are full of themselves. People who suffer from self doubt talk themselves out of many situations because they convince themselves it’s not worth it, focus on the worst possible outcome or they believe someone attractive can’t possibly be a non arrogant prick. There guard is up before any form of interaction, like a sense of self preservation almost - it’s a fear of being ignored or overlooked that prevents them for going for things they want in life that could be anything from a person to a job or what not.

Good looks are something different to everyone we’re all attracted to different things - if I see a profile and I like the look of the person, I’ll tend to read there bio - lack of effort in how the write would indicate to me that they expect to get by on looks alone, that there’s perhaps an arrogance there which may put me off messaging but I never think that persons too good for me or too whatever x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What a circle jerk.

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By *agic.M OP   Man
over a year ago

Orpington


"No, never

Intimidation to me is by product of low self esteem, fear of rejection or little self worth which in turn is projected into these statements that ‘good looking people’ are full of themselves. People who suffer from self doubt talk themselves out of many situations because they convince themselves it’s not worth it, focus on the worst possible outcome or they believe someone attractive can’t possibly be a non arrogant prick. There guard is up before any form of interaction, like a sense of self preservation almost - it’s a fear of being ignored or overlooked that prevents them for going for things they want in life that could be anything from a person to a job or what not.

Good looks are something different to everyone we’re all attracted to different things - if I see a profile and I like the look of the person, I’ll tend to read there bio - lack of effort in how the write would indicate to me that they expect to get by on looks alone, that there’s perhaps an arrogance there which may put me off messaging but I never think that persons too good for me or too whatever x"

FACTS!

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

We don’t feel intimidated by people who look attractive.

It’s more the vibe they give off…some can be attractive and approachable, others can be the type to just want their ego stoked.

There’s nothing to be intimidated by…we are all just people, all with our own insecurities and dreams

K

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"No, never

Intimidation to me is by product of low self esteem, fear of rejection or little self worth which in turn is projected into these statements that ‘good looking people’ are full of themselves. People who suffer from self doubt talk themselves out of many situations because they convince themselves it’s not worth it, focus on the worst possible outcome or they believe someone attractive can’t possibly be a non arrogant prick. There guard is up before any form of interaction, like a sense of self preservation almost - it’s a fear of being ignored or overlooked that prevents them for going for things they want in life that could be anything from a person to a job or what not.

Good looks are something different to everyone we’re all attracted to different things - if I see a profile and I like the look of the person, I’ll tend to read there bio - lack of effort in how the write would indicate to me that they expect to get by on looks alone, that there’s perhaps an arrogance there which may put me off messaging but I never think that persons too good for me or too whatever x"

Problem is though lovely, these feelings follow self esteem, low self worth and rejection have been drummed into some people so relentlessly and so harshly for so long that they're stuck now.

I love to see people with the confidence to just be them, and to go for what they want no matter what, but I doubt I'll ever be one of them.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple


"This is a great question again OP and the answers so far have been really interesting to read.

It has brought another question to mind but I will leave that for another thread later"

Just to say, your pictures are amazing. Ms x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Intimidation to me is by product of low self esteem, fear of rejection or little self worth which in turn is projected into these statements that ‘good looking people’ are full of themselves. People who suffer from self doubt talk themselves out of many situations because they convince themselves it’s not worth it, focus on the worst possible outcome or they believe someone attractive can’t possibly be a non arrogant prick. There guard is up before any form of interaction, like a sense of self preservation almost - it’s a fear of being ignored or overlooked that prevents them for going for things they want in life that could be anything from a person to a job or what not."

Although there is plenty of space inside my head, could you get out of that particular part of it please? You’re disturbing all my other neuroses…..

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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago

Stirling


"No, never

Intimidation to me is by product of low self esteem, fear of rejection or little self worth which in turn is projected into these statements that ‘good looking people’ are full of themselves. People who suffer from self doubt talk themselves out of many situations because they convince themselves it’s not worth it, focus on the worst possible outcome or they believe someone attractive can’t possibly be a non arrogant prick. There guard is up before any form of interaction, like a sense of self preservation almost - it’s a fear of being ignored or overlooked that prevents them for going for things they want in life that could be anything from a person to a job or what not.

Good looks are something different to everyone we’re all attracted to different things - if I see a profile and I like the look of the person, I’ll tend to read there bio - lack of effort in how the write would indicate to me that they expect to get by on looks alone, that there’s perhaps an arrogance there which may put me off messaging but I never think that persons too good for me or too whatever x

Problem is though lovely, these feelings follow self esteem, low self worth and rejection have been drummed into some people so relentlessly and so harshly for so long that they're stuck now.

I love to see people with the confidence to just be them, and to go for what they want no matter what, but I doubt I'll ever be one of them.

"

Oh I absolutely understand that some people cannot help feeling this way and by no means was I being dismissive. Wouldn’t do if we were all the same - but you are a truly special human being whether you recognise it or not, you are! xx

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"No, never

Intimidation to me is by product of low self esteem, fear of rejection or little self worth which in turn is projected into these statements that ‘good looking people’ are full of themselves. People who suffer from self doubt talk themselves out of many situations because they convince themselves it’s not worth it, focus on the worst possible outcome or they believe someone attractive can’t possibly be a non arrogant prick. There guard is up before any form of interaction, like a sense of self preservation almost - it’s a fear of being ignored or overlooked that prevents them for going for things they want in life that could be anything from a person to a job or what not.

Good looks are something different to everyone we’re all attracted to different things - if I see a profile and I like the look of the person, I’ll tend to read there bio - lack of effort in how the write would indicate to me that they expect to get by on looks alone, that there’s perhaps an arrogance there which may put me off messaging but I never think that persons too good for me or too whatever x

Problem is though lovely, these feelings follow self esteem, low self worth and rejection have been drummed into some people so relentlessly and so harshly for so long that they're stuck now.

I love to see people with the confidence to just be them, and to go for what they want no matter what, but I doubt I'll ever be one of them.

Oh I absolutely understand that some people cannot help feeling this way and by no means was I being dismissive. Wouldn’t do if we were all the same - but you are a truly special human being whether you recognise it or not, you are! xx"

I would never have thought you were being dismissive... I just thought it was worth pointing out.

And thank you. I may not see it in me... but I see it in you

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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago

Stirling


"No, never

Intimidation to me is by product of low self esteem, fear of rejection or little self worth which in turn is projected into these statements that ‘good looking people’ are full of themselves. People who suffer from self doubt talk themselves out of many situations because they convince themselves it’s not worth it, focus on the worst possible outcome or they believe someone attractive can’t possibly be a non arrogant prick. There guard is up before any form of interaction, like a sense of self preservation almost - it’s a fear of being ignored or overlooked that prevents them for going for things they want in life that could be anything from a person to a job or what not.

Good looks are something different to everyone we’re all attracted to different things - if I see a profile and I like the look of the person, I’ll tend to read there bio - lack of effort in how the write would indicate to me that they expect to get by on looks alone, that there’s perhaps an arrogance there which may put me off messaging but I never think that persons too good for me or too whatever x

Problem is though lovely, these feelings follow self esteem, low self worth and rejection have been drummed into some people so relentlessly and so harshly for so long that they're stuck now.

I love to see people with the confidence to just be them, and to go for what they want no matter what, but I doubt I'll ever be one of them.

Oh I absolutely understand that some people cannot help feeling this way and by no means was I being dismissive. Wouldn’t do if we were all the same - but you are a truly special human being whether you recognise it or not, you are! xx

I would never have thought you were being dismissive... I just thought it was worth pointing out.

And thank you. I may not see it in me... but I see it in you "

I just adore you, always will x

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By *weetiepie99Woman
over a year ago

cardiff

No, i don't feel intimidated. I am reasonably confident in my self, and know i have plenty to offer. I guess i am just a bit 'old school' in that i usually don't make the first move. Having said that it wouldn't stop me either

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"What a circle jerk."

Oh Libby.

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By *agic.M OP   Man
over a year ago

Orpington


"No, never

Intimidation to me is by product of low self esteem, fear of rejection or little self worth which in turn is projected into these statements that ‘good looking people’ are full of themselves. People who suffer from self doubt talk themselves out of many situations because they convince themselves it’s not worth it, focus on the worst possible outcome or they believe someone attractive can’t possibly be a non arrogant prick. There guard is up before any form of interaction, like a sense of self preservation almost - it’s a fear of being ignored or overlooked that prevents them for going for things they want in life that could be anything from a person to a job or what not.

Good looks are something different to everyone we’re all attracted to different things - if I see a profile and I like the look of the person, I’ll tend to read there bio - lack of effort in how the write would indicate to me that they expect to get by on looks alone, that there’s perhaps an arrogance there which may put me off messaging but I never think that persons too good for me or too whatever x

Problem is though lovely, these feelings follow self esteem, low self worth and rejection have been drummed into some people so relentlessly and so harshly for so long that they're stuck now.

I love to see people with the confidence to just be them, and to go for what they want no matter what, but I doubt I'll ever be one of them.

Oh I absolutely understand that some people cannot help feeling this way and by no means was I being dismissive. Wouldn’t do if we were all the same - but you are a truly special human being whether you recognise it or not, you are! xx

I would never have thought you were being dismissive... I just thought it was worth pointing out.

And thank you. I may not see it in me... but I see it in you

I just adore you, always will x"

Get a room you two!! And take me along

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By *cotty1376Man
over a year ago

PRESTON

it works both ways, i look at profiles and think i will leave it as there is no way she would reply or be entertained with me, and i admit that is after looking at some of the other guys on here. I;m a very confident person but i know i am not Adonis , that's just life i suppose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would feel intimidated and worried that a young fit handsome guy was just on a milf hunt. I wouldn't want to be a tick in the mature women section. I would wonder why they were not looking for an equally young fit beautiful woman instead of an old bird with wobbly bits.."

1) You look fantastic, so there’s no reason in that respect that someone younger wouldn’t be interested.

2) As someone who, in their 20s, actively sought older women, in my personal experience there was one huge benefit with women in their late 30s/40s/early 50s at that point; trust. On the whole I found them far more trustworthy, transparent and direct than women of my own age.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

For me it's pure lack of confidence and low self esteem and the age old no way would he be interested in me, look at him and look at me.

It's why I've hardly messaged anyone I found attractive through fear of rejection because of my headspace not any pre conceived idea that they'd be arrogant etc

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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago

Derbyshire village


"For me it's pure lack of confidence and low self esteem and the age old no way would he be interested in me, look at him and look at me.

It's why I've hardly messaged anyone I found attractive through fear of rejection because of my headspace not any pre conceived idea that they'd be arrogant etc "

It's interesting, the lack of confidence thing, cos most of us experience it and yet in others we can't always transfer the feeling. Or something that makes sense.

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By *ean counterMan
over a year ago

Market Harborough/ Kettering


"For me it's pure lack of confidence and low self esteem and the age old no way would he be interested in me, look at him and look at me.

It's why I've hardly messaged anyone I found attractive through fear of rejection because of my headspace not any pre conceived idea that they'd be arrogant etc "

I know what you mean but occasionally you have to say "ah fuck it"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me it's pure lack of confidence and low self esteem and the age old no way would he be interested in me, look at him and look at me.

It's why I've hardly messaged anyone I found attractive through fear of rejection because of my headspace not any pre conceived idea that they'd be arrogant etc "

I agree with that TG. My unwillingness to approach gorgeous men isn't because I think they're twatbiscuits. It's because I'm a twatbiscuit.

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By *ean counterMan
over a year ago

Market Harborough/ Kettering


"For me it's pure lack of confidence and low self esteem and the age old no way would he be interested in me, look at him and look at me.

It's why I've hardly messaged anyone I found attractive through fear of rejection because of my headspace not any pre conceived idea that they'd be arrogant etc

I agree with that TG. My unwillingness to approach gorgeous men isn't because I think they're twatbiscuits. It's because I'm a twatbiscuit. "

Twatbiscuit ! I'm writing that one down

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By *cotty1376Man
over a year ago

PRESTON


"For me it's pure lack of confidence and low self esteem and the age old no way would he be interested in me, look at him and look at me.

It's why I've hardly messaged anyone I found attractive through fear of rejection because of my headspace not any pre conceived idea that they'd be arrogant etc "

i have had the same feelings on here, but in real life, i have talked to ladies that i thought were out of my league and they said they would prefer the connection rather than looks, FAB is all about looks in my eyes , until you get to know people, being the person you genuinely are will always bring you the person you will be happy with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No, never

Intimidation to me is by product of low self esteem, fear of rejection or little self worth which in turn is projected into these statements that ‘good looking people’ are full of themselves. People who suffer from self doubt talk themselves out of many situations because they convince themselves it’s not worth it, focus on the worst possible outcome or they believe someone attractive can’t possibly be a non arrogant prick. There guard is up before any form of interaction, like a sense of self preservation almost - it’s a fear of being ignored or overlooked that prevents them for going for things they want in life that could be anything from a person to a job or what not.

Good looks are something different to everyone we’re all attracted to different things - if I see a profile and I like the look of the person, I’ll tend to read there bio - lack of effort in how the write would indicate to me that they expect to get by on looks alone, that there’s perhaps an arrogance there which may put me off messaging but I never think that persons too good for me or too whatever x"

Mmmm...kinda agree & disagree.

I have pretty good self esteem, know my worth, and find myself in situations now as an older woman that I'd have talked myself out of when younger. Maybe part of my reluctance to message younger, attractive men on here is down to how nabbing an older lady is sometimes presented like an item on a bucket list.

And I know I'm so much more than a box to be ticked.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"No, never

Intimidation to me is by product of low self esteem, fear of rejection or little self worth which in turn is projected into these statements that ‘good looking people’ are full of themselves. People who suffer from self doubt talk themselves out of many situations because they convince themselves it’s not worth it, focus on the worst possible outcome or they believe someone attractive can’t possibly be a non arrogant prick. There guard is up before any form of interaction, like a sense of self preservation almost - it’s a fear of being ignored or overlooked that prevents them for going for things they want in life that could be anything from a person to a job or what not.

Good looks are something different to everyone we’re all attracted to different things - if I see a profile and I like the look of the person, I’ll tend to read there bio - lack of effort in how the write would indicate to me that they expect to get by on looks alone, that there’s perhaps an arrogance there which may put me off messaging but I never think that persons too good for me or too whatever x

Mmmm...kinda agree & disagree.

I have pretty good self esteem, know my worth, and find myself in situations now as an older woman that I'd have talked myself out of when younger. Maybe part of my reluctance to message younger, attractive men on here is down to how nabbing an older lady is sometimes presented like an item on a bucket list.

And I know I'm so much more than a box to be ticked. "

Indeed you are. You're a rare thing on here, honest, gorgeous and funny xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No, never

Intimidation to me is by product of low self esteem, fear of rejection or little self worth which in turn is projected into these statements that ‘good looking people’ are full of themselves. People who suffer from self doubt talk themselves out of many situations because they convince themselves it’s not worth it, focus on the worst possible outcome or they believe someone attractive can’t possibly be a non arrogant prick. There guard is up before any form of interaction, like a sense of self preservation almost - it’s a fear of being ignored or overlooked that prevents them for going for things they want in life that could be anything from a person to a job or what not.

Good looks are something different to everyone we’re all attracted to different things - if I see a profile and I like the look of the person, I’ll tend to read there bio - lack of effort in how the write would indicate to me that they expect to get by on looks alone, that there’s perhaps an arrogance there which may put me off messaging but I never think that persons too good for me or too whatever x

Mmmm...kinda agree & disagree.

I have pretty good self esteem, know my worth, and find myself in situations now as an older woman that I'd have talked myself out of when younger. Maybe part of my reluctance to message younger, attractive men on here is down to how nabbing an older lady is sometimes presented like an item on a bucket list.

And I know I'm so much more than a box to be ticked.

Indeed you are. You're a rare thing on here, honest, gorgeous and funny xx"

Xxx.

You're just after a pint of my finest blue top

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"No, never

Intimidation to me is by product of low self esteem, fear of rejection or little self worth which in turn is projected into these statements that ‘good looking people’ are full of themselves. People who suffer from self doubt talk themselves out of many situations because they convince themselves it’s not worth it, focus on the worst possible outcome or they believe someone attractive can’t possibly be a non arrogant prick. There guard is up before any form of interaction, like a sense of self preservation almost - it’s a fear of being ignored or overlooked that prevents them for going for things they want in life that could be anything from a person to a job or what not.

Good looks are something different to everyone we’re all attracted to different things - if I see a profile and I like the look of the person, I’ll tend to read there bio - lack of effort in how the write would indicate to me that they expect to get by on looks alone, that there’s perhaps an arrogance there which may put me off messaging but I never think that persons too good for me or too whatever x

Mmmm...kinda agree & disagree.

I have pretty good self esteem, know my worth, and find myself in situations now as an older woman that I'd have talked myself out of when younger. Maybe part of my reluctance to message younger, attractive men on here is down to how nabbing an older lady is sometimes presented like an item on a bucket list.

And I know I'm so much more than a box to be ticked.

Indeed you are. You're a rare thing on here, honest, gorgeous and funny xx

Xxx.

You're just after a pint of my finest blue top "

You know me better than that.....but if it's spare, my special k could do with a splash xx

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I'm not scared to message anyone, anywhere, but, I don't want someone thinking I'm a dead cert for a blow job just because I've shown interest.

Even hot men get desperate sometimes

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.


"For me it's pure lack of confidence and low self esteem and the age old no way would he be interested in me, look at him and look at me.

It's why I've hardly messaged anyone I found attractive through fear of rejection because of my headspace not any pre conceived idea that they'd be arrogant etc

I agree with that TG. My unwillingness to approach gorgeous men isn't because I think they're twatbiscuits. It's because I'm a twatbiscuit. "

Ahem.

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By *agic.M OP   Man
over a year ago

Orpington


"I'm not scared to message anyone, anywhere, but, I don't want someone thinking I'm a dead cert for a blow job just because I've shown interest.

Even hot men get desperate sometimes "

That's true!

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

I think I messaged you first once OP

I don’t mind messaging first if I think it’s worth my time and effort and I’m rarely wrong about that decision.

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By *astesLikeMagicWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle

Absolutely.

If a guy looks well fit like toned and lean then I think he won't wanna play with this old bod that's birthed 4 kids.

I like to see my potential play partner in their profile pics but some have pics of them with people too and if a guy has these sort of pics with stunning women, even more reason to think I'm wasting my time

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By *agic.M OP   Man
over a year ago

Orpington


"I think I messaged you first once OP

I don’t mind messaging first if I think it’s worth my time and effort and I’m rarely wrong about that decision. "

Indeed you have...and I replied

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito


"I think I messaged you first once OP

I don’t mind messaging first if I think it’s worth my time and effort and I’m rarely wrong about that decision.

Indeed you have...and I replied "

See I wasn’t wrong in my decision

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Yep.

I'll start from the start....

Emotionally rejected by the mother from as early as I can remember. Couldn't do right for doing wrong. In a childs mind that's rejection, from the person who's supposed to love and care for you the most. That shit does some deep damage.

Fit in with most groups at school, until I stood up for someone who was being bullied and became the target of said bullying. Last 2 years of secondary school were pure hell. I barely attended my final year due to it. Rejected ny my peers.

Found a tribe... my ice hockey teammates. Yaaay, I'm cool again. I fits.

Was great for a shag, but not as a partner (most lads in my late teens) so rejected based on who I was rather than the fact I possess a vageeeen.

My sons dad, wouldn't see my side of things regarding most things. Would ask his parents opinion on everything. So, my voice was rejected, my opinions rejected, felt like my worth was being rejected.

Next relationship was an abusive one. Oh yaaay, not only was my soul rejected coz he tried to change me, my life was too as it was very nearly beaten out of me. That shit devalues you internally even though you know its not true.

Then, my last ex. The one who was a beauty to look at, the popular one. Now, he didn't reject me. In fact he doted on me. He was however, incredibly aware of my distaste and sickening of cheating and need for truth based upon my experience with the abusive one. Aaaand, none of that mattered, because it was rejected when he chose to enter a "relationship" with me, whilst his wife was blissfully unaware at home, and I was blissfully unaware that she was blissfully unaware thinking her life was hunky dory and her husband wasn't dick deep in someone else.

So yeah, rejection happens, but I do think how it happens can impact greatly on how we perceive it.

Now, I know full well I'm awesome. I also know full well that I'm not everyone's tipple and that's fine, that rejection is attraction based. Have I felt shit when people haven't been attracted to me and I am them? Course I have, I'm human. What I struggle to handle and am not prepared to put myself through is having my morals rejected via bullshit or deception and falling for a line. Hence I'm a celibate dry old hag with no desire to be desired.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Yep.

I'll start from the start....

Emotionally rejected by the mother from as early as I can remember. Couldn't do right for doing wrong. In a childs mind that's rejection, from the person who's supposed to love and care for you the most. That shit does some deep damage.

Fit in with most groups at school, until I stood up for someone who was being bullied and became the target of said bullying. Last 2 years of secondary school were pure hell. I barely attended my final year due to it. Rejected ny my peers.

Found a tribe... my ice hockey teammates. Yaaay, I'm cool again. I fits.

Was great for a shag, but not as a partner (most lads in my late teens) so rejected based on who I was rather than the fact I possess a vageeeen.

My sons dad, wouldn't see my side of things regarding most things. Would ask his parents opinion on everything. So, my voice was rejected, my opinions rejected, felt like my worth was being rejected.

Next relationship was an abusive one. Oh yaaay, not only was my soul rejected coz he tried to change me, my life was too as it was very nearly beaten out of me. That shit devalues you internally even though you know its not true.

Then, my last ex. The one who was a beauty to look at, the popular one. Now, he didn't reject me. In fact he doted on me. He was however, incredibly aware of my distaste and sickening of cheating and need for truth based upon my experience with the abusive one. Aaaand, none of that mattered, because it was rejected when he chose to enter a "relationship" with me, whilst his wife was blissfully unaware at home, and I was blissfully unaware that she was blissfully unaware thinking her life was hunky dory and her husband wasn't dick deep in someone else.

So yeah, rejection happens, but I do think how it happens can impact greatly on how we perceive it.

Now, I know full well I'm awesome. I also know full well that I'm not everyone's tipple and that's fine, that rejection is attraction based. Have I felt shit when people haven't been attracted to me and I am them? Course I have, I'm human. What I struggle to handle and am not prepared to put myself through is having my morals rejected via bullshit or deception and falling for a line. Hence I'm a celibate dry old hag with no desire to be desired.

"

Oh, my main point which I forgot to write coz as well as dry I'm also a dipshit, I think that ....

When we fear rejection, deep down its actually us, rejecting ourselves.

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By *onkeynutWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

Maybe a little. I’m less likely to send the first message to those profiles, but I may wink. It’s simply because I don’t think they would be overly interested in me which is not a lack of confidence, just that I own a mirror and I’m a realist.

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures

I hate the term 'Gym Fit'

It's like saying 'I can't walk up a hill without wheezing but I come close to (you'll never meet) the Men's Fitness / Woman's magazine of choice standard of physical perfection

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London


"For me it's pure lack of confidence and low self esteem and the age old no way would he be interested in me, look at him and look at me.

It's why I've hardly messaged anyone I found attractive through fear of rejection because of my headspace not any pre conceived idea that they'd be arrogant etc

It's interesting, the lack of confidence thing, cos most of us experience it and yet in others we can't always transfer the feeling. Or something that makes sense. "

Yes, perfect sense, I think. We're all (well, vast majority of people) our own worst critics, aren't we? So we will always have an inner voice telling us we have a big nose or are too fat (or whatever!), no matter how much others tell us otherwise! The key, and not saying it's easy, is to keep a lid on that inner voice!

Interesting thread, OP. Know you were asking women, but for me, I'm not "intimidated" but am quite selective in who I message. Realism rather than being intimidated, but simply no point messaging someone who is clearly not going to be attracted to me...

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By *hisStagsVixenCouple
over a year ago

peterborough

I admit that there’s a lot of guys on here I’d love to have the confidence to message, but just don’t. But that my issue, defiantly not theirs. My body confidence had grown massively since joining this site, but there’s still that voice in the back of my head that tells whispers ‘no one is going to find you attractive’ from time to time. Just need to shut that b*tch down!!

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