FabSwingers.com forum: Weirdest First Message

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Today I got a message from someone telling me that he's got a slow cooker and he thought I might be interested.

Have you had weirder that that?

(I'm not that bothered about slow cookers but if you any of you have any old microwaves, I'm collecting them. I'm using them to build a time machine in my loft.)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Today I got a message from someone telling me that he's got a slow cooker and he thought I might be interested.

Have you had weirder that that?

(I'm not that bothered about slow cookers but if you any of you have any old microwaves, I'm collecting them. I'm using them to build a time machine in my loft.)"

I’ve got a flux capacitor for sale if you’re interested.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"Today I got a message from someone telling me that he's got a slow cooker and he thought I might be interested.

Have you had weirder that that?

(I'm not that bothered about slow cookers but if you any of you have any old microwaves, I'm collecting them. I'm using them to build a time machine in my loft.)"

Better than FAF. Maybe he wants to cook a romantic roast

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Today I got a message from someone telling me that he's got a slow cooker and he thought I might be interested.

Have you had weirder that that?

(I'm not that bothered about slow cookers but if you any of you have any old microwaves, I'm collecting them. I'm using them to build a time machine in my loft.)

I’ve got a flux capacitor for sale if you’re interested."

Where have you had that from?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ive a delorean.. and sone dodgy lybian friends with glowing radiactive stuff.

.. probably had some punchline if you responded.. now we will never know.. unless you respond?

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By *hisky and WineCouple
over a year ago

the vicinity of Betelgeuse

"Today I got a message from someone telling me that he's got a slow cooker and he thought I might be interested.

Have you had weirder that that?

(I'm not that bothered about slow cookers but if you any of you have any old microwaves, I'm collecting them. I'm using them to build a time machine in my loft.)"

We got a message yesterday completely out of nowhere telling us this guys wife had her first BBC the night before. That was the whole message, no context, nothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Today I got a message from someone telling me that he's got a slow cooker and he thought I might be interested.

Have you had weirder that that?

(I'm not that bothered about slow cookers but if you any of you have any old microwaves, I'm collecting them. I'm using them to build a time machine in my loft.)

I’ve got a flux capacitor for sale if you’re interested.

Where have you had that from?

Found it at a car boot sale. The idiots thought it was an Amstrad computer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Today I got a message from someone telling me that he's got a slow cooker and he thought I might be interested.

Have you had weirder that that?

(I'm not that bothered about slow cookers but if you any of you have any old microwaves, I'm collecting them. I'm using them to build a time machine in my loft.)"

Perhaps slow cooker is a metaphor for something else...tell him your after a quickie does he have a sandwich toastie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How much for the capacitor?

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By *parrow77Man
over a year ago

cheshire

I had one few days ago no hello or anything, just said

are you free come and pee on me and send me home to wife covered in you?

lol lucky wife I thought haha

I always get strange off men asking random but never a hello lol

now blocked em again so easier

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Today I got a message from someone telling me that he's got a slow cooker and he thought I might be interested.

Have you had weirder that that?

(I'm not that bothered about slow cookers but if you any of you have any old microwaves, I'm collecting them. I'm using them to build a time machine in my loft.)

I’ve got a flux capacitor for sale if you’re interested."

It is a shame that we cannot post links, as there is a company in Ireland that sell them.

Search for oreilly auto and flux capacitor for a gander.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I get odd ones from the men on couples profiles telling me about their exploits with other guys and how their wives don’t know they’re bi.

Thanks guys…

I’d prefer cooking tips

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We once received a message from a single guy asking if we'd meet him in a hotel room and if I'd have a fight with a girlfriend he was bringing.

The mind boggles

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"ive a delorean.. and sone dodgy lybian friends with glowing radiactive stuff.

.. probably had some punchline if you responded.. now we will never know.. unless you respond? "

Of course I responded! I asked if it was code for something and he said no, that I thought I might be interested.

I told him I'm more into microwaves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably not the weirdest but the most random for me was "Kitty Hungry, Kitty need feeding"

All I thought was poor cat

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We once received a message from a single guy asking if we'd meet him in a hotel room and if I'd have a fight with a girlfriend he was bringing.

The mind boggles

Who won?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got asked if I could drop my wife off so she could suck someone off in his shed whilst his wife was asleep in the house.

Long story short he got what he wanted and we’ve got a new lawn mower

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We once received a message from a single guy asking if we'd meet him in a hotel room and if I'd have a fight with a girlfriend he was bringing.

The mind boggles

Who won? "

Was it on PPV???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you hard..is one i recently got...lol

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By *inkylipsWoman
over a year ago

Debauchery

I got asked if I wanted to watch a man shit on a bench in a park and eat it in public. I just said no thank you that’s not for me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I got asked if I could drop my wife off so she could suck someone off in his shed whilst his wife was asleep in the house.

Long story short he got what he wanted and we’ve got a new lawn mower

Nice!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That, someone wanted to take us away for the weekend, pictk us up, pay for everything, wait on us, bath us, pleasure us and then fall asleep at our feet.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"I got asked if I could drop my wife off so she could suck someone off in his shed whilst his wife was asleep in the house.

Long story short he got what he wanted and we’ve got a new lawn mower

She prostituted herself for a lawnmower ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That, someone wanted to take us away for the weekend, pictk us up, pay for everything, wait on us, bath us, pleasure us and then fall asleep at our feet."

I've told my dad off for trying to spend my inheritance before .... I'm so sorry, I'll have words with him, again!!

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Some that just say 'hi', you reply 'hi' and they come back with 'hello' , all goes quiet. A day or two later, 'hi' ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I got asked if I could drop my wife off so she could suck someone off in his shed whilst his wife was asleep in the house.

Long story short he got what he wanted and we’ve got a new lawn mower

She prostituted herself for a lawnmower ?"

Don’t be silly. She hit him with a spade and took the lawn mower. We’re not savages.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

She prostituted herself for a lawnmower ?

Don’t be silly. She hit him with a spade and took the lawn mower. We’re not savages."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I got asked if I could drop my wife off so she could suck someone off in his shed whilst his wife was asleep in the house.

Long story short he got what he wanted and we’ve got a new lawn mower

There is a guy near me that keeps asking to suck me off in his shed, I asked if there was anything else in it for me? He said anything I want but but dont ask for a lawnmower...how strange

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I got asked if I could drop my wife off so she could suck someone off in his shed whilst his wife was asleep in the house.

Long story short he got what he wanted and we’ve got a new lawn mower

There is a guy near me that keeps asking to suck me off in his shed, I asked if there was anything else in it for me? He said anything I want but but dont ask for a lawnmower...how strange

That’s because we took it

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

In his defence, perhaps he was going for the Reeves and Mortimer surrealist approach to Fab? Eranu?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont tend to get strange ones really all seem quite sane so far

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

" He said anything I want but but dont ask for a lawnmower...how strange

That’s because we took it

Did you get the grass clippings box too ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" He said anything I want but but dont ask for a lawnmower...how strange

That’s because we took it

Did you get the grass clippings box too ?"

Yep. We’ll be going back for the strimmer soon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" He said anything I want but but dont ask for a lawnmower...how strange

That’s because we took it

Did you get the grass clippings box too ?

Yep. We’ll be going back for the strimmer soon

did you take a blanket? how did you stop all the old grass getting in the boot?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" He said anything I want but but dont ask for a lawnmower...how strange

That’s because we took it

Did you get the grass clippings box too ?

Yep. We’ll be going back for the strimmer soon

did you take a blanket? how did you stop all the old grass getting in the boot?"

I used a van and a tarp. This isn’t my first rodeo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" He said anything I want but but dont ask for a lawnmower...how strange

That’s because we took it

Did you get the grass clippings box too ?

Yep. We’ll be going back for the strimmer soon

did you take a blanket? how did you stop all the old grass getting in the boot?

I used a van and a tarp. This isn’t my first rodeo."

clearly!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had one from a 'Guy' saying "I know on your Profile you say your straight, but if you want I can suck you dry. Give a BJ like you have never had before..." Etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Had one from a 'Guy' saying "I know on your Profile you say your straight, but if you want I can suck you dry. Give a BJ like you have never had before..." Etc."

those are the only messages i get

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ive a delorean.. and sone dodgy lybian friends with glowing radiactive stuff.

.. probably had some punchline if you responded.. now we will never know.. unless you respond?

Of course I responded! I asked if it was code for something and he said no, that I thought I might be interested.

I told him I'm more into microwaves. "

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Meet us tomorrow?

No I don't do that. It says so on my profile.

Sorry, just read it now. If you meet us tomorrow we will get you a coffee?

What about the plane ticket?

What plane ticket?

The one I'll need to get to you in the States for that coffee obviously!

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By *romagefraisWoman
over a year ago

Sunderland

Someone asked if I'd had a glass bottle before.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I got asked if I could drop my wife off so she could suck someone off in his shed whilst his wife was asleep in the house.

Long story short he got what he wanted and we’ve got a new lawn mower

There is a guy near me that keeps asking to suck me off in his shed, I asked if there was anything else in it for me? He said anything I want but but dont ask for a lawnmower...how strange

That’s because we took it

He said could he have it back please ? His missus is asking lots of questions ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Someone asked if I'd had a glass bottle before."

And your answer was...

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By *herryEatersCouple
over a year ago

East Cheshire

"That, someone wanted to take us away for the weekend, pictk us up, pay for everything, wait on us, bath us, pleasure us and then fall asleep at our feet."

Did it work ?

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By *orny-chubbyMan
over a year ago

East London

Had one message me saying

“I don’t charge for sex but ££££ would appreciated”

My response was “so you charge then!? “

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By *romagefraisWoman
over a year ago

Sunderland

[Removed by poster at 24/04/22 20:46:31]

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By *romagefraisWoman
over a year ago

Sunderland

"Someone asked if I'd had a glass bottle before.

And your answer was..."

Not yet.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Someone just stated

"You wouldn't die in a car crash would you"

Baffled... yes I am

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By *r SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle

"Someone just stated

"You wouldn't die in a car crash would you"

Baffled... yes I am"

I’m thinking about airbags. Dunno what it means though

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By *entBarryUKMan
over a year ago

Ashford

"I got asked if I wanted to watch a man shit on a bench in a park and eat it in public. I just said no thank you that’s not for me "

Wow! You are so polite!

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Someone just stated

"You wouldn't die in a car crash would you"

Baffled... yes I am

I’m thinking about airbags. Dunno what it means though

Pervert

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By *JcouplemidlandsCouple
over a year ago

Peak District

"Hi, I am in Buxton at the weekend with a group of biker mates and all the hotels are booked up, if we pay you can we stay with you? There are 8 of us in total" the message title was b&b. At the time we didn't even accommodate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We once received a message from a single guy asking if we'd meet him in a hotel room and if I'd have a fight with a girlfriend he was bringing.

The mind boggles

Who won? "

We politely declined his offer

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

We actually had a first message that contained only the words, "Can I shit in her mouth?"

Kinks aside, it was disappointing that there wasn't even a "Hi"!

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

‘Can I take the female out for a McDonalds breakfast?’

A young couple who lived in the South West, asked if they mind them coming to ours when they visit their parents ‘something about being fucked by people my parents age just before I turn up at their door…it’s a huge turn on’

Obviously we said yes to both

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By *onderstuff73mMan
over a year ago

Brum

"Today I got a message from someone telling me that he's got a slow cooker and he thought I might be interested.

Have you had weirder that that?

(I'm not that bothered about slow cookers but if you any of you have any old microwaves, I'm collecting them. I'm using them to build a time machine in my loft.)"

My timing is awful. Have just taken my old microwave to the tip! Normally it would’ve taken about 20 minutes to get there, but I did it in 2 on high!

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By *ove2lick27Man
over a year ago

Sheffield

This is hilarious ??

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By *uv2kissMan
over a year ago

fenland

What are these messages of which you speak.

Is it some kind of code ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would anyone like to buy me a double sausage and egg McMuffin?

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By *ickJMan
over a year ago

Hemel Hempstead

"Would anyone like to buy me a double sausage and egg McMuffin?"

In return for being sucked dry in a garden shed?

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By *heArrowsCouple
over a year ago

I need someone to give me permission to cut my balls off, can Mrs arrow or you give it to me?

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By *idnight RamblerMan
over a year ago

Pershore

I've a hunch 'slow cooker' might be a euphemism

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

Ows u

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I got asked if I could drop my wife off so she could suck someone off in his shed whilst his wife was asleep in the house.

Long story short he got what he wanted and we’ve got a new lawn mower

There is a guy near me that keeps asking to suck me off in his shed, I asked if there was anything else in it for me? He said anything I want but but dont ask for a lawnmower...how strange

That’s because we took it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need someone to give me permission to cut my balls off, can Mrs arrow or you give it to me?"

I can best that - two men have asked me to cut their knob off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Might be a blessing in disguise, have you seen the price of dogfood recently!

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By *traight up guyMan
over a year ago

Morpeth

Have just received this from a guy (when I'm not looking to meet men):

How far down do you lower your trousers to when you sit on the toilet? To around your ankles, shins or knees?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m sure we are not allowed to share DM’s

I’ve only ever got a couple of odd ones. The ones you don’t know how to reply. I’m rarely speechless, but wow. There’s some people even stump me.

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By *errocaWoman
over a year ago

Shropshire

Some of these are hilarious

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By *issVanillaWoman
over a year ago

"I need someone to give me permission to cut my balls off, can Mrs arrow or you give it to me?

I can best that - two men have asked me to cut their knob off.

I've had this..I told him I had an axe in the shed & he replied could I use a knife instead..

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By *adForGood69Couple
over a year ago

plymouth

A guy messaged us and his opener was

'Can I piss in her dirty c**t'

I asked if that approach ever worked and he said not really!

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By *an1978Woman
over a year ago

GONE/TIMEOUT (No DMs please)

I had one that went straight in with something like

"I was wondering if you might be on your period right now and if so can I come fuck you"

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By *inkylipsWoman
over a year ago

Debauchery

"We actually had a first message that contained only the words, "Can I shit in her mouth?"

Kinks aside, it was disappointing that there wasn't even a "Hi"!

This is what gets me…… ask me what you want but it’s the lack of hi or hello that irks me

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

"We actually had a first message that contained only the words, "Can I shit in her mouth?"

Kinks aside, it was disappointing that there wasn't even a "Hi"!

This is what gets me…… ask me what you want but it’s the lack of hi or hello that irks me

"
and no please or thankyou!! You had a lucky escape There - no manners!!

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By *orkshire_roses999Couple
over a year ago

yorkshire

"Today I got a message from someone telling me that he's got a slow cooker and he thought I might be interested.

Have you had weirder that that?

(I'm not that bothered about slow cookers but if you any of you have any old microwaves, I'm collecting them. I'm using them to build a time machine in my loft.)

I’ve got a flux capacitor for sale if you’re interested.

Where have you had that from?

Found it at a car boot sale. The idiots thought it was an Amstrad computer

A what? Sorry I’ve never heard of one of these

MrY

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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds

Not on here but I once got asked if I wanted to be a pirate with someone, seeing as I had the assets for it

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

"Not on here but I once got asked if I wanted to be a pirate with someone, seeing as I had the assets for it

P"
wooden leg/parrot/ missing an eye and a hook?

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By *cunnylassCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

I was asked if I could bring two dogs to a party.Have you any idea how difficult it is to steal 2 dogs?

Mike

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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago

Reading

I had one a while back from a male. Stating could he come to mine and by the time he left . I would not want to be with a female again

. My profile says not bi . I deleted and blocked

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"We actually had a first message that contained only the words, "Can I shit in her mouth?"

Kinks aside, it was disappointing that there wasn't even a "Hi"!

This is what gets me…… ask me what you want but it’s the lack of hi or hello that irks me

and no please or thankyou!! You had a lucky escape There - no manners!!

Yeah, can you imagine someone coming up to you in a pub and asking the same question!

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By *wlmanMan
over a year ago

Rugby

“You look like my brother!”

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By *ntcovMan
over a year ago

Church Gresley / Swadlincote

I've had that one too ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had "if you were a boogie I'd pick you first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've had "if you were a boogie I'd pick you first

Seriously

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By *toC Thats MeWoman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Did you fuck my dad last night, cos I found your knickers on my bedroom floor

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've had "if you were a boogie I'd pick you first

Seriously

"
yes very weird

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By *aizyWoman
over a year ago

west midlands

Got one today, all it said was 'have you ever seriously punished a woman?'

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

I got 1 that said, "Hi we like your profile, so where are all the big cock?"

wtf!!

Like where does it say in my profile im the 'big cock' whisperer? Hahaha

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

I never get messages

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By *wlmanMan
over a year ago

Rugby

"I've had that one too ..."

Thankful she wasn’t my sister....

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By *amesnplanesMan
over a year ago

Banbridge and Dublin

I had a really fun message from a couple.

Said they liked my profile, my typical approach and they said they wanted to meet me.

All nice thus far....

Then the wife announced that she has a fetish demand for a certain very expensive brand of French cosmetic makeup pallets, and that a possible meet would involve her using the makeup prior to and during the play.

Interesting!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Asked by a straight male (I'm also a straight male) if I'd like to just sit and have a wank together

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By *D of funCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

He wanted to smash my back doors in... I said just knock on the front....lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think I just had the worse one guy messages I'm having a cheeky wank while my son is on the edge of the bed on his ipad

that's just bang out of order! Fucking animal I'm fuming tbh

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By *ememberTheNameMan
over a year ago

barnsley

"Today I got a message from someone telling me that he's got a slow cooker and he thought I might be interested.

Have you had weirder that that?

(I'm not that bothered about slow cookers but if you any of you have any old microwaves, I'm collecting them. I'm using them to build a time machine in my loft.)"

Wow

I wish people thought of me when getting rid of slow cookers

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By *aughtynottsCouple
over a year ago

Outside Nottingham

“Do you live at number 16 Talbot rise”

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