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Funniest 'sexual' request from here

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So after speaking to a young lady here for a week she asked if we could meet up and if she can sit on my face. Now bear in mind I'm only 5'4" 57kg(9 stones). Well my last lover loved bouncing on top of me. The amount of times I told her 'I'm suffocating'. But no, she just carried on.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I'm baffled about a couple of things...

1) how is that a funny "sexual" request... when it's actually afairly usual thing that people do in a sexual way...

2) what has your weight got to do with it?

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By *aughty but nice...Man
over a year ago

Staffs

Not really funny but a guy once offered to pay for a hotel room so he could just watch me play with who ever was my FWB at the time he made a point that no interaction from him would happen.

There are some very very strange folk on here

Since then my message filters have been changed

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"I'm baffled about a couple of things...

1) how is that a funny "sexual" request... when it's actually afairly usual thing that people do in a sexual way...

2) what has your weight got to do with it?"

2) after the face sitting she had challenged him to a game of see saw

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

We were offered £200 by a guk if *K* let him suck my cock... I had no day in it apparently Anyway, £200 is £200

LvM

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not in to kink shameing or anything

Yes there’s been requests that I have thought not for me

But each to they own

As long as it’s legal the only ones I frown appon are some off the odd out there illegal ones

Witch haven’t been that meny just one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(Pussy cat) I had some guy asking to buy my used undies - perhaps more weird than funny?

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"I'm baffled about a couple of things...

1) how is that a funny "sexual" request... when it's actually afairly usual thing that people do in a sexual way...

2) what has your weight got to do with it?

2) after the face sitting she had challenged him to a game of see saw"

That's cleared that up.

Thanks Mr

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By *ersiantugMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"sit on my face and tell me that you lova me..."

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By *tarflyLouWoman
over a year ago

Preston

Somebody asked if I would stand topless and push him into a slurry pit and watch him sink whilst playing with myself and holding a big bag of his cash.

Not sure it rates as funny, concerning maybe given how dangerous slurry pits are!

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"I'm baffled about a couple of things...

1) how is that a funny "sexual" request... when it's actually afairly usual thing that people do in a sexual way...

2) what has your weight got to do with it?"

I'd be chuffed to bits if she wanted to do that

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"We were offered £200 by a guk if *K* let him suck my cock... I had no day in it apparently Anyway, £200 is £200

LvM"

Would K let me do it for...

*checks back of sofa and bottom of handbag*

.... ooh. £7.84, three safety pins and a box of plasters?

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito


"I'm baffled about a couple of things...

1) how is that a funny "sexual" request... when it's actually afairly usual thing that people do in a sexual way...

2) what has your weight got to do with it?"

Agreed. Perplexing post

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"Somebody asked if I would stand topless and push him into a slurry pit and watch him sink whilst playing with myself and holding a big bag of his cash.

Not sure it rates as funny, concerning maybe given how dangerous slurry pits are!"

I had that one!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Somebody asked if I would stand topless and push him into a slurry pit and watch him sink whilst playing with myself and holding a big bag of his cash.

Not sure it rates as funny, concerning maybe given how dangerous slurry pits are!"

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By *r SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle

Hopefully it was within 1-2 days of your last sexual encounter

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

A guy wanted me to watch him fuck a melon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had someone want to write their name on my cock and have a photo with it but not actually suck or fuck it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Had someone want to write their name on my cock and have a photo with it but not actually suck or fuck it"

If her name is Jo then send her my way

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

There have been a few request recently involving bodily fluids and the likes which have earned those requesting it a one way ticket to the block list.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy once asked me to sit on his face and fart in his mouth…it blew me away that he asked that

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By * la carteCouple
over a year ago

Dublin


"A guy once asked me to sit on his face and fart in his mouth…it blew me away that he asked that "

You could have blown him away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy asked if I wanted to watch him suck his own cock. Laughed for days after that one. J x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Somebody asked if I would stand topless and push him into a slurry pit and watch him sink whilst playing with myself and holding a big bag of his cash.

Not sure it rates as funny, concerning maybe given how dangerous slurry pits are!"
cos hes slurry man doing what he can to gross out sexy women on his owwwwwwn

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln


"We were offered £200 by a guk if *K* let him suck my cock... I had no day in it apparently Anyway, £200 is £200

LvM

Would K let me do it for...

*checks back of sofa and bottom of handbag*

.... ooh. £7.84, three safety pins and a box of plasters?"

I'll check with the accountant

LvM

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"We were offered £200 by a guk if *K* let him suck my cock... I had no day in it apparently Anyway, £200 is £200

LvM

Would K let me do it for...

*checks back of sofa and bottom of handbag*

.... ooh. £7.84, three safety pins and a box of plasters?

I'll check with the accountant

LvM"

I found a pack of Airwaves as well.

And a mini roll of duct tape.

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

[Removed by poster at 23/04/22 18:58:46]

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By *tarflyLouWoman
over a year ago

Preston


"Somebody asked if I would stand topless and push him into a slurry pit and watch him sink whilst playing with myself and holding a big bag of his cash.

Not sure it rates as funny, concerning maybe given how dangerous slurry pits are!

I had that one!"

Did a murder conviction not appeal to you either?

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"A guy once asked me to sit on his face and fart in his mouth…it blew me away that he asked that "

Can you fart on demand ?

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By *urvybeckiWoman
over a year ago

Enfield

Had a young lad ask me to call his mum as he sucked my tits

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By *torm in a G cupWoman
over a year ago

Land of the Long White Cloud

Not funny, but had a guy ask me for dirty anal. When I politely told him it wasn't my thing he sent me a very rude reply suggesting I was a prude and then blocked me.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Someone said they'd travel to me, just to drink my bath water.

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By *exy wife and her CuckCouple
over a year ago

Angus


"Someone said they'd travel to me, just to drink my bath water."

He must of been very thirsty!

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"Somebody asked if I would stand topless and push him into a slurry pit and watch him sink whilst playing with myself and holding a big bag of his cash.

Not sure it rates as funny, concerning maybe given how dangerous slurry pits are!

I had that one!

Did a murder conviction not appeal to you either? "

Oddly... not so much

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I think some guys think a TV will do stuff a woman won’t do. Especially when it comes to bodily fluids or certain fantasies.

Dressing up for particular role plays that makes me uncomfortable and certainly not something I enjoy or want to do.

I once wrote on my profile how I wanted to dress for a guy, be taken for dinner then maybe a club to have a dance, then back to the hotel. Basically a date.

I was told I was too vanilla for the site

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

During COVID I had a guy ask if I would suck him off through my letterbox.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So after speaking to a young lady here for a week she asked if we could meet up and if she can sit on my face. Now bear in mind I'm only 5'4" 57kg(9 stones). Well my last lover loved bouncing on top of me. The amount of times I told her 'I'm suffocating'. But no, she just carried on. "

Weight is irrelevant

I'm fat and only sleep with slim men and have sat on nearly every single one of their faces

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not funny but there was a guy who messaged me asking to be used as a human toilet and was very descriptive about it

Made me feel sick so I blocked him

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By *ersiantugMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

It's the word 'funniest' that should be in quotes! Maybe with time, some of them..

I held back from going to the loo all day once, so a male ex-nurse could sniff my farts and watch me dump. I'm one of those skinny types who is pretty regular, and when he actually bailed out on me I had really, really bad guts. I wondered if he'd liked to have seen that or not? Not an experiment I'd like to repeat tbh.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Good God! Some highly interesting requests indeed which rightly or wrongly, have made me laugh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy once offered to put money into my boxers while giving him a lap dance and said I could keep the money after. I feel if he saw my dancing he'd ask for a refund

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A guy once offered to put money into my boxers while giving him a lap dance and said I could keep the money after. I feel if he saw my dancing he'd ask for a refund "

Take the money! Run

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just realised I've got role play selected. I was thinking boss/secretary. I don't want to be a mommy. Aha!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A guy once offered to put money into my boxers while giving him a lap dance and said I could keep the money after. I feel if he saw my dancing he'd ask for a refund

Take the money! Run "

Tempting, but don't think I could get that far in just my boxers

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By *ate_BMan
over a year ago

London


"It's the word 'funniest' that should be in quotes! Maybe with time, some of them..

I held back from going to the loo all day once, so a male ex-nurse could sniff my farts and watch me dump. I'm one of those skinny types who is pretty regular, and when he actually bailed out on me I had really, really bad guts. I wondered if he'd liked to have seen that or not? Not an experiment I'd like to repeat tbh."

Wait…what!?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"During COVID I had a guy ask if I would suck him off through my letterbox."

Did he provide proof he can fit it through letterbox and did you turn up?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A guy once offered to put money into my boxers while giving him a lap dance and said I could keep the money after. I feel if he saw my dancing he'd ask for a refund

Take the money! Run

Tempting, but don't think I could get that far in just my boxers "

Keep your shoes on

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By *ersiantugMan
over a year ago

Cardiff


"It's the word 'funniest' that should be in quotes! Maybe with time, some of them..

I held back from going to the loo all day once, so a male ex-nurse could sniff my farts and watch me dump. I'm one of those skinny types who is pretty regular, and when he actually bailed out on me I had really, really bad guts. I wondered if he'd liked to have seen that or not? Not an experiment I'd like to repeat tbh.

Wait…what!? "

--I'm not sure what more I can add?--

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So after speaking to a young lady here for a week she asked if we could meet up and if she can sit on my face. Now bear in mind I'm only 5'4" 57kg(9 stones). Well my last lover loved bouncing on top of me. The amount of times I told her 'I'm suffocating'. But no, she just carried on.

Weight is irrelevant

I'm fat and only sleep with slim men and have sat on nearly every single one of their faces "

I'm large too and love face sitting. We're sitting on their face, so how thin they are is irrelevant, isn't it TessTT? Men huh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What I think matters in the OPs post, is that he told her he couldn't breathe and she didn't stop. That's dangerous. You should have a safe word that immediately stops whatever is happening. I've always got one that's in place with my partners for all aspects of sex, not just this particular thing.

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By *ate_BMan
over a year ago

London

More weird than funny but several years ago a married woman I worked asked me if I knew anyone who sold MDMA (which I did) and soon after asked if I would join her in taking it together. Tempted yes, stupid no.

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By *ersiantugMan
over a year ago

Cardiff


"What I think matters in the OPs post, is that he told her he couldn't breathe and she didn't stop. That's dangerous. You should have a safe word that immediately stops whatever is happening. I've always got one that's in place with my partners for all aspects of sex, not just this particular thing. "

I suppose it must be quite tiring fighting women off all the time

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"What I think matters in the OPs post, is that he told her he couldn't breathe and she didn't stop. That's dangerous. You should have a safe word that immediately stops whatever is happening. I've always got one that's in place with my partners for all aspects of sex, not just this particular thing. "

I'm going to suggest a safe word isn't going to help if you can't breathe and someone's sat on your face. Perhaps a safe gesture?

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By *ate_BMan
over a year ago

London


"What I think matters in the OPs post, is that he told her he couldn't breathe and she didn't stop. That's dangerous. You should have a safe word that immediately stops whatever is happening. I've always got one that's in place with my partners for all aspects of sex, not just this particular thing.

I'm going to suggest a safe word isn't going to help if you can't breathe and someone's sat on your face. Perhaps a safe gesture?"

Is biting a safe gesture?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"What I think matters in the OPs post, is that he told her he couldn't breathe and she didn't stop. That's dangerous. You should have a safe word that immediately stops whatever is happening. I've always got one that's in place with my partners for all aspects of sex, not just this particular thing.

I'm going to suggest a safe word isn't going to help if you can't breathe and someone's sat on your face. Perhaps a safe gesture?

Is biting a safe gesture? "

Probably

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By *ersiantugMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Seriously though, I'm not a huge fan of safewords. When people are alarmed how they respond is typically handled subconsciously, and experiments have shown that our subconscious can be ahead of out consciousness literally by seconds! And these things need to be pretty clear with people anyway imo. I don't go with anyone who I don't think can read me, or seems disinterested in doing that.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

I've had someone ask me to come to their house, walk in, stomp on their balls as hard as I can and walk out again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've had someone ask me to come to their house, walk in, stomp on their balls as hard as I can and walk out again "

Metaphorically speaking this happens to

me daily and I never ask for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What I think matters in the OPs post, is that he told her he couldn't breathe and she didn't stop. That's dangerous. You should have a safe word that immediately stops whatever is happening. I've always got one that's in place with my partners for all aspects of sex, not just this particular thing.

I'm going to suggest a safe word isn't going to help if you can't breathe and someone's sat on your face. Perhaps a safe gesture?"

A gesture is good. One puts his hands on my hips and let's go if he needs me to move and can't speak.

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By *ersiantugMan
over a year ago

Cardiff


"I've had someone ask me to come to their house, walk in, stomp on their balls as hard as I can and walk out again "

Ballbusting is a thing, but sadly one of the biggest kinks for some men out there is actually just shocking women.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"What I think matters in the OPs post, is that he told her he couldn't breathe and she didn't stop. That's dangerous. You should have a safe word that immediately stops whatever is happening. I've always got one that's in place with my partners for all aspects of sex, not just this particular thing.

I'm going to suggest a safe word isn't going to help if you can't breathe and someone's sat on your face. Perhaps a safe gesture?

A gesture is good. One puts his hands on my hips and let's go if he needs me to move and can't speak. "

Yes, we use gesture sometimes too, e.g. if I'm gagged.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What I think matters in the OPs post, is that he told her he couldn't breathe and she didn't stop. That's dangerous. You should have a safe word that immediately stops whatever is happening. I've always got one that's in place with my partners for all aspects of sex, not just this particular thing.

I'm going to suggest a safe word isn't going to help if you can't breathe and someone's sat on your face. Perhaps a safe gesture?

A gesture is good. One puts his hands on my hips and let's go if he needs me to move and can't speak.

Yes, we use gesture sometimes too, e.g. if I'm gagged."

Safest way. I've had something in my hand before to drop before.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We were offered £200 by a guk if *K* let him suck my cock... I had no day in it apparently Anyway, £200 is £200

LvM

Would K let me do it for...

*checks back of sofa and bottom of handbag*

.... ooh. £7.84, three safety pins and a box of plasters?

I'll check with the accountant

LvM

I found a pack of Airwaves as well.

And a mini roll of duct tape."

I think you'll have to throw in that hairy toffee you also found down the back of the sofa, but are reluctant to give up!!

IS

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

.

Someone wanted to pay me 200 for me to let them lick my nipples.

A guy asked me if I could humiliate him in front of his friends while he ate my used condoms

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"I'm baffled about a couple of things...

1) how is that a funny "sexual" request... when it's actually afairly usual thing that people do in a sexual way...

2) what has your weight got to do with it?"

3) Why post it in the Lounge?

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures

Before I turned on the "not looking for single guys" filter on my profile I used to get a few good uns.

Usually at 3am on a friday or saturday night if I still happened to be online (I'm not judging the d*unk and horny - if I was online at that time so was I)

So anyway - I get a message.... "have you ever tried sucking cock?"

Pretty standard so far, so I went for my standard response:

"I've tried many many times but nearly broke my back every time - I'm thinking of having surgery to remove a couple of vertebrae"

to which he replied:

"I can do it for you"

Now call me old fashioned but I'm not going to agree to major surgery from some internet rando.

That was what he meant right?

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By *azzle99Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Weird but made me laugh ever so nervously… “come in to my home as a blind meet, walk up to the bedroom as directed, wear oldest unsexy clothes, put on the blind fold left lying and lie back… he would then come in with garden shears and chop it all off me” - no thanks!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok, so not a direct request to me, but a particularly hot friend of mine was once asked to fart on a guy's face for money.

Rest assured, I nearly died of laughter when she assured me that it was a serious request!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"(Pussy cat) I had some guy asking to buy my used undies - perhaps more weird than funny?"

That's a very common one that. Men wanting to buy undies(greasy and wet)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To use someone as a toilet....

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich


"We were offered £200 by a guk if *K* let him suck my cock... I had no day in it apparently Anyway, £200 is £200

LvM"

What did you spend it on?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was asked to piss on an electric fence while a girl and her mate finger there flanges

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"We were offered £200 by a guk if *K* let him suck my cock... I had no day in it apparently Anyway, £200 is £200

LvM

Would K let me do it for...

*checks back of sofa and bottom of handbag*

.... ooh. £7.84, three safety pins and a box of plasters?

I'll check with the accountant

LvM

I found a pack of Airwaves as well.

And a mini roll of duct tape.

I think you'll have to throw in that hairy toffee you also found down the back of the sofa, but are reluctant to give up!!

IS"

I was going to use that as a tip after the event!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So after speaking to a young lady here for a week she asked if we could meet up and if she can sit on my face. Now bear in mind I'm only 5'4" 57kg(9 stones). Well my last lover loved bouncing on top of me. The amount of times I told her 'I'm suffocating'. But no, she just carried on. "

And it the fear of comments like this that has made me paranoid about sitting on anyone's face. "I'm suffocating".... Charming!!!

Jenny

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By *atdaveCouple
over a year ago

Aston on Carrant

We where offered to be taken to Famous shop in London city for shopping in style. This gentleman works in same posh shop, really surprised us there are many nice people who like to share experiences with sexy people. He had fair big limit to spend on my Mrs.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich


" The amount of times I told her 'I'm suffocating'. But no, she just carried on. "

If you could talk you weren't suffocating

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" The amount of times I told her 'I'm suffocating'. But no, she just carried on.

If you could talk you weren't suffocating "

You can plead for mercy when in pain. Really.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I can imagine muffled groans but not saying "I'm suffocating"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We were offered £200 by a guk if *K* let him suck my cock... I had no day in it apparently Anyway, £200 is £200

LvM

Would K let me do it for...

*checks back of sofa and bottom of handbag*

.... ooh. £7.84, three safety pins and a box of plasters?

I'll check with the accountant

LvM

I found a pack of Airwaves as well.

And a mini roll of duct tape.

I think you'll have to throw in that hairy toffee you also found down the back of the sofa, but are reluctant to give up!!

IS

I was going to use that as a tip after the event!"

Shrewd.

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By *mashingPumpkinMan
over a year ago

Carmarthen


"I was asked to piss on an electric fence while a girl and her mate finger there flanges"

Would the current get conducted by your piss into your cock, I wonder?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm lucky enough to not get any

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm lucky enough to not get any "

Jaffa cakes are sexual. You get plenty of those requests.

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By *xploring_FunWoman
over a year ago

Coventry


"A guy wanted me to watch him fuck a melon."

I had that.

I thought it was a jokey opener and asked what type. Got back a list of which seeds are dangerous/scratchy in different types of melon

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A guy wanted me to watch him fuck a melon.

I had that.

I thought it was a jokey opener and asked what type. Got back a list of which seeds are dangerous/scratchy in different types of melon "

Won't it get all sticky and wet.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Somebody asked if I would stand topless and push him into a slurry pit and watch him sink whilst playing with myself and holding a big bag of his cash.

Not sure it rates as funny, concerning maybe given how dangerous slurry pits are!"

I had that one too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A guy wanted me to watch him fuck a melon.

I had that.

I thought it was a jokey opener and asked what type. Got back a list of which seeds are dangerous/scratchy in different types of melon

Won't it get all sticky and wet. "

I think that’s the point.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

monty bojangles and a plastic clothes peg, it was new to me but I obliged and really enjoyed it

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

A man said he wanted to put a variety of vegetables inside me. I drove some distance to his house. I lay on his bed and waited for the vegetables to appear but he said he had only been joking. What a disappointment.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A man said he wanted to put a variety of vegetables inside me. I drove some distance to his house. I lay on his bed and waited for the vegetables to appear but he said he had only been joking. What a disappointment. "

I hope you punished him for misleading you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A man said he wanted to put a variety of vegetables inside me. I drove some distance to his house. I lay on his bed and waited for the vegetables to appear but he said he had only been joking. What a disappointment. "

Maybe he meant his meat and two veg.

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By *uliette500Woman
over a year ago

Hull


"A guy once asked me to sit on his face and fart in his mouth…it blew me away that he asked that "

I've had that request more than once!

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"A man said he wanted to put a variety of vegetables inside me. I drove some distance to his house. I lay on his bed and waited for the vegetables to appear but he said he had only been joking. What a disappointment.

Maybe he meant his meat and two veg."

Ha ha ! Very true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is creampie the Mrs so cuck can clean up the mess too vanilla for this thread or has this already been mentioned?

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"Is creampie the Mrs so cuck can clean up the mess too vanilla for this thread or has this already been mentioned?"
nah, nice one.

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