FabSwingers.com forum: Planning to have a child

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Was just thinking about it because of Miss CheekyChops' thread..

Is a person ever going to be financially ready to have one? How long is long enough to be with a partner before its the 'right' time to actually start planning?

In the other thread i said id know after 2 years if a partner was worthy of having a child with, but in reality i could be with a guy for 12 years and soon as i have a child he could do a runner and if he did stay around its not to say he'd be a good dad.

Did any of you lot plan to have children or did they just happen naturally?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My little man wasn't planned but best thing to ever happen to me

But what you say is true, there's no garentee any of us, women aswell as men will be great parents.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My little man wasn't planned but best thing to ever happen to me

But what you say is true, there's no garentee any of us, women aswell as men will be great parents.

yeah true. my daughter wasn't conceived out of love was more like a 2 week blip type thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My little man wasn't planned but best thing to ever happen to me

But what you say is true, there's no garentee any of us, women aswell as men will be great parents.

yeah true. my daughter wasn't conceived out of love was more like a 2 week blip type thing. "

Life's great prizes come when least expected

you just have do the best you can and its a learning curve for us all getting it right xx

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Personally, it never crossed my mind to plan to have a child with a "partner". My husband and I worked, saved, bought a house then had children.

My daughter's are the same.

My husband and I are divorced: he helped with our eldests wedding, my middle daughter is not working at the moment he pays all her bills and ensures she has money for interviews as well as paying for her driving lessons. He has bought our youngest a new car, maintains it, helps with her university fees etc - the girls went out with him for lunch yesterday.

I'll never have a bad word to say about him...well...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is no set rule and you just know yourself when the time is right...

I married at 18 because i was pregnant, the pregnancy wasn't planned, my next two were. After my marriage ended i met somebody else and we had a planned baby after being together 3 years, i then fell pregnant again (unplanned) My ex actually left when my daughter was only 3 weeks old and my son was just 1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always known I don't want children. I wonder sometimes if I'll regret it at any point, especially as I am now too old.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My first was planned, my other two happened when i moved house twice lol (well they say new house new baby). I was 30 when i had my first one and feel no different to my best friend who had her's at 18. Now a single mum but wouldn't have it any other way having control is great although mine are 21, 15 and 13.

I don't think waiting to have children has any difference on life. ok if you do have a little more money maybe you could do more and often they are spoiled .... But money dosn't buy love and affection and of course the barriers that have to be set.

(Perky)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my son wasnt planned realy. i used to drink a lot and i sort of got talked into get pregnant, the man i was seeing was married and he wanted to get me pregnant. i thought he would want to marry me but it didnt quite work out like that, of course.

i think you should get married first

only have a kid if your realy sure about it and you have enough money.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always said no kids I ad the depo injec half way through I was being sick told docs thought didn't agree with me hey I was preg that was 16 yrs ago since then 8 more sum with disabilitys but wouldn't change for world

Hubby dairy farmer only see him few hrs in eve n every other weekend he gets off but none were planned but I want 1 more

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

I do truly believe that in todays British society many young women (girls) have a baby as a 'career choice'.

Many try a year or so at work then decide that having a baby is the better option, having the State wipe their arse is seen as the preferred path.

In the Catalan region of Spain for example, it is almost underheard of for young girls to have babies outside of a stable relationship.

I rarely ever see a young Spanish girl pushing along a baby or small child over there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i matured early and at 16 felt an incredible visceral need to have a baby, so i did , and another at 18.I was ready to be a mum but not really ready to choose the best partner, that relationship broke up and when i met the love of my life a few years later i felt that need

again, however he made us wait 5 years before we had a child together .So all 3 planned but in very different ways! x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My cousin last year went to the council to apply for a flat, in which she was told she'd need to go and get pregnant if she wanted a flat sooner rather than later!!!

That's just disgusting to advise people to get pregnant to get a flat quicker.

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By *upitersmileCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

Only one of mine was planned! First one I'd only been with my ex around 6mths when I conceived and I was on the pill!! Number two was planned but we split before we realised I was pregnant, tried to make it work but split for good when she was 6mths old. Number three really was ment to be even though she wasn't planned

was told I'd never have any more naturally but had an eptopic 9mths later so had the marina coil fitted, fell pregnant with that in, doctors said I'm extremely fertile lol ive now been steralised, dont want any more happy mistakes!

I had my babies at 18,21&27. I was a good mum when I was younger but was much more content and happy within our relationship at 27. Number three is my little miracle, I say she is the link that bonds us all, there is alittle bit of all of us in her

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By *kyblue2681Woman
over a year ago

manchester

My son was in no way planned and to be honest its a miracle i got pregnant (was on pill and using condoms!) but the way i see it is even though his dad isn't in the picture he was meant to be here with me. My new partner who I've only been with 6 months and we're already trying for a baby cause this time i just know its right and now Im not 18 anymore i may not conceive as easily. Every couple is different with knowing when they are ready and no one else should judge as they really don't know x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My first was at aged 20

Exac yr later same day my 2n

Yr later my third

Then 2 misses

In 03 another child

07-07

Plus 2 ectopics

Another 2 misses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My first was at aged 20

Exac yr later same day my 2n

Yr later my third

Then 2 misses

In 03 another child

07-07

Plus 2 ectopics

Another 2 misses

i HAD A Ectopic also, didn't find out until almost 14 weeks, lost twins and nearly died on the operating table. Horrible horrible time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My first was at aged 20

Exac yr later same day my 2n

Yr later my third

Then 2 misses

In 03 another child

07-07

Plus 2 ectopics

Another 2 misses

i HAD A Ectopic also, didn't find out until almost 14 weeks, lost twins and nearly died on the operating table. Horrible horrible time

It is as ur always at risk of more too but thank fully were both here xx

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Mine wasnt planned i was a flaming miracle. Was told i couldnt have children, i had to tell my ex husband this before we got to deeply involved.

We got engaged and was planning the wedding. I had really bad appendicitus? so they said and took me down to theatre, gave me a check over before hand and found out i had a belly full of arms and legs, i was 15 weeks gone.We where both amazed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We planned but it happened earlier than we thought. I was told we'd need help to conceive so to go away and try for a year then they'd start treatment. I fell pregnant 5 months after our first date. Naturally. It was tough, but we knew we wanted her and our desire to be good parents gave us a strong relationship. I wanted either straight away but hubby wanted to wait a few years, we started trying around her 2nd Christmas, and fell pregnant in the April.

Even when we argue and can't stand each other, I know I chose the right person to have a baby with. He's a brilliant Daddy and I know he would be if we weren't together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i didnt plan any of mine children

But unplanned does not mean unwanted

As for how long should you be with someone before you know your ready to have a child with them

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By *upitersmileCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

"i didnt plan any of mine children

But unplanned does not mean unwanted

As for how long should you be with someone before you know your ready to have a child with them

I will never marry again but we have child together. In fact I'd say I'm a better parent now than when I was married. Being unmarried does NOT mean you are less commited. If anything were to happen to either on of us, we have all the legal stuff (insurance, pension, will etc) sorted, the only piece of paper we don't have is a marriage certificate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i didnt plan any of mine children

But unplanned does not mean unwanted

As for how long should you be with someone before you know your ready to have a child with them

i was only giving my opinion

I personally wouldnt plan to have a child with smeone who wasnt willing to marry me

That does not mean i think everyone else feels the same

But if i was with a partner and i asked them to marry me and they said no i couldnt imagine then going onto planning a child with them

as i said thats only how i feel

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By *upitersmileCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

"i didnt plan any of mine children

But unplanned does not mean unwanted

As for how long should you be with someone before you know your ready to have a child with them

i was only giving my opinion

I personally wouldnt plan to have a child with smeone who wasnt willing to marry me

That does not mean i think everyone else feels the same

But if i was with a partner and i asked them to marry me and they said no i couldnt imagine then going onto planning a child with them

as i said thats only how i feel "

Haha, just reread that, does sound alittle hard! Sorry xx

I think it's prob because I've already been married and was not a happy experience!! I just don't believe in marriage anymore, which is sad I know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i'd never get into a relationship again never mind marry again, after 3 failed marrages i've come to the conclusion im ment to be alone lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I met my ex wife (17 years ago) she was pregnant then. I was there got the birth and for the last 17 years I have raised him as my own son. I have 2 kids of my own with her and although our marriage failed after 11 years together I still get to see my kids once a month. None of those were planned and I wouldn't change that for the world as I love my kids no matter what.

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By *exki11enWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

We waited 3 years until we were married only to find out after 18 months of trying that we couldn't have children - partly due to early menopause for me. I wish to goodness we hadn't done the right thing and waited.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

First one was not planned but we were happy about it... the others were a natural extension as I never wanted a one child family. Love big families and family gatherings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've raised two sons, and neither of them were planned.

I forgot to jump off

It was a shock at first, but I quite enjoy being a Dad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We were married for 3yrs before we had our first, and 2yrs later our other boy was born. We've been together nearly 32yrs and celebrate 30yrs wed next year

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 29/10/12 19:57:54]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We were married for 3yrs before we had our first, and 2yrs later our other boy was born. We've been together nearly 32yrs and celebrate 30yrs wed next year

Congratulations

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"We were married for 3yrs before we had our first, and 2yrs later our other boy was born. We've been together nearly 32yrs and celebrate 30yrs wed next year

Congratulations

Plus 1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i didnt plan any of mine children

But unplanned does not mean unwanted

As for how long should you be with someone before you know your ready to have a child with them

my opinion on that is, its not a time frame, when someones ready to marry you and commit their life to you then its time to start talking about kids, if someone does not want to marry you why would you have a child with them, someone who loves you enough to marry you isnt going to do a runner if you get pregnant i wouldnt have thought"
on a personal level, would have to strongly disagree. I had been with my ex 2 years, he said he wanted to get married, start a family. Planned the wedding in February, got married in November, found out I was pregnant in December, he told me had changed his mind in January. Suffice to say, I have brought up my child alone and my ex has never ever tried to be a father.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I met my ex wife (17 years ago) she was pregnant then. I was there got the birth and for the last 17 years I have raised him as my own son. I have 2 kids of my own with her and although our marriage failed after 11 years together I still get to see my kids once a month. None of those were planned and I wouldn't change that for the world as I love my kids no matter what.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"i didnt plan any of mine children

But unplanned does not mean unwanted

As for how long should you be with someone before you know your ready to have a child with them

i was only giving my opinion

I personally wouldnt plan to have a child with smeone who wasnt willing to marry me

That does not mean i think everyone else feels the same

But if i was with a partner and i asked them to marry me and they said no i couldnt imagine then going onto planning a child with them

as i said thats only how i feel "

That's how I see it too.

For me, bringing a child into the world had to be with someone committed to me first, and that meant married.

My marriage lasted 24 years but my ex husband never stopped being a good dad to our girls now 21, 25 and 29.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes both my children were planned. I was married, working, mortgage etc. Saved like mad beforehand so I could have 2 years off work with each child, prepared my body taking vitamin supplements and eating healthily, thought about what months I'd like them and the usefulness of their births being evenly spaced.

It worked out for me twice but obviously mother nature has a lot to do with when you conceive and I was lucky with their arrival date planning. With all the other things, yes planned financially, made sure I did what I could to keep healthy in order to carry a child and breastfeed afterwards.

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By *upitersmileCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

I was in two very different situations financially. With the first 2 we had so little money, only his small wage coming in but we managed. I would trawl car boots and charity shops. Don't think my first had anything brand new! Got very friendly with the old dears in one shop who would pick out the nicest things and put to one side for me to have first dibs! I only breastfed out of laziness.. Didn't fancy getting up at all hours to make bottles, was free too!!

Baby number 3 was fortunate enough to be financially stable and I will admit was a lot of fun buying everything new, but I still find myself hunting out bargains at car boots! And pretty much did everything the same, even breastfeeding, she weaned herself not that long ago

I don't think how much money makes much difference to raising children. What bugs me though is those on benefits who say its not enough to live off, I managed on my own for almost 2 years and always had money left at the end of each week. Granted sometimes only a couple of quid but always had enough to see they never went without!!

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

"We were married for 3yrs before we had our first, and 2yrs later our other boy was born. We've been together nearly 32yrs and celebrate 30yrs wed next year

Great stuff guys

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

"i didnt plan any of mine children

But unplanned does not mean unwanted

As for how long should you be with someone before you know your ready to have a child with them

I don't agree that you have to get married to commit your life to someone. Both of us have no interest in getting married yet we have been together since our mid teens (21 years now)

Yet most of our friends who got married are no longer together. So anyone can do a runner married or not.

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

Forgot to add that yes we did plan to start a family. We waited until we were fairly comfortable and could afford for me to give up work for the first couple of years.

But were both suprised at how quickly I fell pregnant as it was the first month that I came off the pill.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Our children were planned, and me being an old fashioned person, they were born after we got married.

We were financially stable before deciding if it was the right time as we both wanted me to stay at home to mind them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Our children were planned, and me being an old fashioned person, they were born after we got married.

We were financially stable before deciding if it was the right time as we both wanted me to stay at home to mind them."

good for you.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Is that a sarcastic good for you?

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By *inktherapyCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

We definitely wanted to be married before having children. We'd also bought a house together and had then bought a larger one ready for children. Our first wasn't planned, but was wanted. No 2 was almost planned! :D (just happened a few months earlier than I was planning to) No 3 was a total surprise... (No 1 I'd just changed jobs 2 weeks before, No 2 I'd been promoted a month before and No 3 I'd changed companies/ jobs 6 months before.... I stopped working after that

)

No 4 was definitely, totally planned - down to the 'I'm dragging you off to bed NOW because tonight is THE time' kind of thing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We didn't plan to have children at all really. We had been married a few years and went on holiday to a cottage in the middle of nowhere in Ireland.

We had a rather big row about nothing because we were both tired and ratty and then had some very good making up sex afterwards and our lad was the result of that!

Best thing we ever did though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is that a sarcastic good for you?

no, i admire you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thought this was one of them get my wife pregnant fetish threads!!!

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