FabSwingers.com forum: Imposter syndrome

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So I went to the Manchester Social and first of all I need to thank the organisers (and day helpers) who made it all work, but since then I’ve been wondering about what I felt about it.

I arrived a couple of hours late on purpose, and stayed to the end, but never really hit it off with anyone. Now admittedly I deliberately didn’t make a list of who I wanted to see (hard when the list isn’t published anyway), so was relying on stuff just happening to an extent (and no-one I am in regular contact with was due to be there either) but I just felt a bit flat on the drive home and since.

I can honestly say I didn’t really fancy anyone, which seems mad in a room full of 200 swingers. The longest chats I had were with 3 couples who essentially rescued the single guy from wandering around looking at name tags. I had a few short chats from people on the forum but mainly pretty brief (not even fair to send or receive a verification off the back off on the whole), and I also saw a couple of people from the lounge who I recognised and had chatted to a little bit for some reason I didn’t feel I could or should say hi other than politely when passing in a corridor etc.

Now I’m naturally not particularly gregarious, or thirsty, so I knew it would be a mixed bag at best, and I’m glad I went in many ways but I’m just wondering if that sort of thing is for me. The next one I can’t attend anyway as I’m on holiday, but I was just wondering, how other people would think about going to another social, had anyone else been to one and just felt like an outsider

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

You tried it and it sounds like it just wasn't for you.

There's no shame in that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m going in August and over the years I’ve said I’m going and haven’t.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dude, first off, give yourself some credit for going. That's a bigger step than many of us take in life.

Here's my take. What we see in others is often not what they are feeling. So I reckon loada of people feel that way. I've been to a social as a couple and it felt there was this whole etaablished social group we weren't part of.

We did speak others and they felt the same. Even ones we thought were part of the scene were taking it!

And in terms of not fancying anyone. If your emotions were spiked, that can play down sex drive. No one thinks about fucking when being chased by a tiger!

I've rambled, so will finish with a

. Total champ imo.

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

We have found the larger socials can be hard to get to know people and click with people as their is so much going on .We started with the smaller socials and got to know people then we started attending the larger ones.It can be daunting attending and not knowing anyone..

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I'm sorry it sounds like you didn't have much fun.

Have you thought about trying a smaller one where it's easier to chat to people?

I've been to quite a few socials and I do normally meet some great people there and have had some absolutely magnificent nights full of laughter at them, so I am heavily biased in their favour but I get that they suit my gregarious nature and may not be for everyone.

After trying quite a few different socials I know which ones suit me and which aren't likely to, I know what sort of size suits me best and I can usually gauge from the posts that first advertise them whether or not they'll be a good fit for me.

I'd definitely have a look at some others rather than letting one experience define socials for you. If you try others and don't enjoy them either then at least you can say you've given it a good go!

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Personally my first time I found it a bit overwhelming and mostly spoke to people I already knew and had a few introductions. Each time has gotten better for me as there's more familiar faces and I've felt more confident to go and make conversation myself rather than just awkwardly sipping a drink on the side lines. I wouldn't say I talk to people because I'm thirsty though

. I'm making friends and it's fun. There isn't any need for me to be attracted to the people I chat to and honestly I'm not sure why you would want to post here where everyone who was there can see it to tell us all you didn't think any of us were attractive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was more relaxed at the second one, but did a lot less socialising as some people came deliberately to meet me, so we spent most of our time chatting with them.

I feel proper awkward randomly saying hi to people and discovering i have no idea who they are, so i tend to revert to my introverted self in crowds

So sorry i didn't say hi!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can someone please hold my hand in August then

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"…..

I wouldn't say I talk to people because I'm thirsty though

Agreed, I was just describing how it might be easier for someone with more flirts and bangs might be naturally better at striking a conversation than myself.

And I need to draw a distinction between me not fancying someone, and that meaning they are not attractive. There were lots of very attractive guys and women, many who were not my style but looked great (you were one, I messaged to say so afterwards).

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

This makes me really sad.. I felt similar at my first social when I went alone and didn’t know anybody but was looked after by the lovely jo & d and a daft bugger in a cowboy hat and got through the afternoon unscathed. It was the second event that I made a few more friends and had got to know a few more people by messages so I kept going back… now I can happily rock up on my own and mooch around the room without second thought. I think it helps if you build platonic friendships around the socials and go to essentially catch up with friends. There were several single males on their own who clearly didn’t know anybody and we got to know a few over the course of the day and I think it would be useful for the organisers of such events if you could suggest anything that would have made you more comfortable.

You’re definately not an outsider and it’s crap you felt that way.

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"So I went to the Manchester Social and first of all I need to thank the organisers (and day helpers) who made it all work, but since then I’ve been wondering about what I felt about it.

Mate, as others have said, you did the hard part, so don't beat yourself up because you didn't fancy anyone. I also bet you made more of an impression on those people who you did chat to than you're giving yourself credit for - being a nice guy counts for a lot, even if you're not the loudest person in a room (that's what I tell myself anyway). That said, for what it's worth, I really understand the feeling you're describing - I'm sure we've all felt it at some point or some event.

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By *r SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle somewhere

The first (and only) group social I’ve been to, I felt like an outsider too.

I met some great people who have become friends.

I’m going to another one soon and have told myself to be more open this time and talk to people I would be scared to talk to in the past

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"…..

I wouldn't say I talk to people because I'm thirsty though

Agreed, I was just describing how it might be easier for someone with more flirts and bangs might be naturally better at striking a conversation than myself.

Messaged me? I haven't had any.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

These kind of socials can be quite overwhelming, it was my second and I still found it so. I just flit around, because I find it tricky otherwise. I end up hardly talking to anyone much.

These things take a bit of practice I think.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"These kind of socials can be quite overwhelming, it was my second and I still found it so. I just flit around, because I find it tricky otherwise. I end up hardly talking to anyone much.

These things take a bit of practice I think. "

I always thought you were a regular. Perceptions are a funny thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"These kind of socials can be quite overwhelming, it was my second and I still found it so. I just flit around, because I find it tricky otherwise. I end up hardly talking to anyone much.

These things take a bit of practice I think.

I always thought you were a regular. Perceptions are a funny thing. "

No, December was my first one

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"…..

Messaged me? I haven't had any. "

Apologies, tried to message, but instead said so publicly on the post MLS thread - you did reply at the time, but a lot of waters passed through the lounge since

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

Large socials aren't for everyone no need to feel like an imposter. Maybe try some of the smaller ones which are a lot more intimate with a smaller amount of people there.

I'm a social butterfly and love small 5 minute chats with lots of different people and I am glad we got to have a brief hello in. I do always recommend making a list of people you really want to meet at a large social as its easy to miss someone. If you do change your mind and go again in December, I'd love to carry on our conversation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"…..

I wouldn't say I talk to people because I'm thirsty though

Agreed, I was just describing how it might be easier for someone with more flirts and bangs might be naturally better at striking a conversation than myself.

I don't fancy Tom Hardy or George Clooney at all but that doesn't mean other people don't find them attractive.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

Socials can be tough with lots of people in attendance, it’s natural that there will be more people who already know each other so can understand it’s tricky for a single guy to make connections.

We’ve been to the Bristol Socials few times and sometimes it’s been great and we’ve met loads of people, other times we’ve hardly chatted to anyone. Obviously you’ll know whether it’s for you but you might go again and have a completely different experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Large socials aren't for everyone no need to feel like an imposter. Maybe try some of the smaller ones which are a lot more intimate with a smaller amount of people there.

The problem is finding out who is going!

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Just do what we did, sit on the outskirts and people watch.

You don’t need to talk to people to have fun, but it does depend on how you gauge it being a worthwhile trip.

It can sometimes feel flat if your expectations are not matched, even if you feel you didn’t have any going in.

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

"Large socials aren't for everyone no need to feel like an imposter. Maybe try some of the smaller ones which are a lot more intimate with a smaller amount of people there.

The problem is finding out who is going! "

Thats what the 10 plus social threads are for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I went to the Manchester Social and first of all I need to thank the organisers (and day helpers) who made it all work, but since then I’ve been wondering about what I felt about it.

Do you ever go to work/ family/ friends large events where you don't know many people?

I'm always an outsider everywhere so it doesn't bother me. I'm a people watcher.

I've been to a few forum socials all over the country. I do speed chatting. 3 minutes then move on... less if their eyes glaze over or they fake a heart attack to get away.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"These kind of socials can be quite overwhelming, it was my second and I still found it so. I just flit around, because I find it tricky otherwise. I end up hardly talking to anyone much.

These things take a bit of practice I think.

I always thought you were a regular. Perceptions are a funny thing.

No, December was my first one

Interesting! It's so easy to think everyone is more "social experienced" than you.

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By *assing Fancies xCouple
over a year ago

Sherwood Forest

This was our first 'Fab' social and we bloody loved it.

We've been to local ones in our area that have been bloody awful to the point there were 2 big groups of people chatting (already friends) and they had little or no interest in speaking to anyone outside of those groups especially 'newbies' which was very disappointing and they invited us

this resulted in us leaving at about 10:30pm because we just kept getting shunned.

This fab social has completely restored our faith in group socials

we seen alot of people we recognised from the forums and would lived to have chatted with but as they were sat chatting or talking to others we didn't really want to impose so I get that. However we met a good few people we spent a lot of time with as well as trying to speak to as many people that were open to chatting with us.

I'd definitely say try another one as I imagine every single one I'd different and with different people, if were going to be honest it's all about what you want to take away from the social, for us it was about meeting new people which we did and we definitely never expected anything naughty to happen

for us we loved it but that was just our experience

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"These kind of socials can be quite overwhelming, it was my second and I still found it so. I just flit around, because I find it tricky otherwise. I end up hardly talking to anyone much.

These things take a bit of practice I think.

I always thought you were a regular. Perceptions are a funny thing.

No, December was my first one

Interesting! It's so easy to think everyone is more "social experienced" than you. "

Yes, as you say, perception is a funny thing.

I ended up feeling awkward a lot of the time, but hopefully it didn’t show

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

I'm fine 1-2-1 but hate big groups, I know people that can walk into a room and chat to anyone in seconds for hours at a time, that's never been me.

I suspect there were plenty of people in the same boat as you or people sticking to those they knew either from forums, from meets or previous socials - maybe not actively socialising once in groups? I'd think people would have messaged others to meet too so there is that safety net.

It takes a lot to meet a bunch of people you don't really know, especially after such a long time of not really doing anything throughout the pandemic

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By *athyperkinsCouple
over a year ago

lifton

Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T

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By *piderBunnyCouple
over a year ago

Back of Nowhere and Beyond

I find that kind of social absolutely overwhelming, and I'm really lucky that GG and Pix appreciated that and gave me a job for both the last two (and the next 100 or so I think), as it stopped me being able to either not leave the safety of home or just hide under a table.

It also meant I wasn't able to have more than a really brief chat with most people, and you were one of the people I'd have liked to spend more time with, OP. I appreciated that you came to talk to me.

My anxiety tends to come out like I'm a bit of a tasmanian devil, unable to focus on anything for more than a moment and spinning out of control. Great for flirting and small talk, not great for more than that. So I'm easier to talk to later on when I've calmed down a bit I think. I certainly enjoy it more.

You absolutely aren't an outsider though, you're a glorious part of the beauty of the forum, and it makes me sad that you felt that way at the social.

Posh

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"…..

Messaged me? I haven't had any.

Apologies, tried to message, but instead said so publicly on the post MLS thread - you did reply at the time, but a lot of waters passed through the lounge since

Totally not having to go back to check

. I blame having a covid addled brain.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"These kind of socials can be quite overwhelming, it was my second and I still found it so. I just flit around, because I find it tricky otherwise. I end up hardly talking to anyone much.

These things take a bit of practice I think.

I always thought you were a regular. Perceptions are a funny thing.

No, December was my first one

Interesting! It's so easy to think everyone is more "social experienced" than you.

Yes, as you say, perception is a funny thing.

I ended up feeling awkward a lot of the time, but hopefully it didn’t show

I definitely didn't pick up on it.

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By *piderBunnyCouple
over a year ago

Back of Nowhere and Beyond

"Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T"

No one had to have a name tag, and most people who did used their fab name. So you can absolutely choose who knows who you are and who doesn't...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T"

You wouldn’t have had to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T"

You were asked what name you'd like displayed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well done for going, a huge step there.

I steer away from large gatherings like that, I know I just wouldn't fit in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm planning to go to the next one.

Assuming plans don't change I will set up a wolf pack group for us single lads that want a bit of bro support.

Cowboy hats will be optional.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you do the pre-social OP? Spurs does a great job bringing a smaller group together so that a few faces are familiar at least

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T"

Yeah I thought that when I heard about the name tag thing. I wouldn’t wear one. Not sure if it was a compulsory thing or not though.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I went on my own to my first one and chatted to everyone. I really enjoyed it and love attending them now. I’ll chat to all that say hi and also make a point of making the first contact with others as well. I can’t wait till the next one

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T

Yeah I thought that when I heard about the name tag thing. I wouldn’t wear one. Not sure if it was a compulsory thing or not though. "

It’s your Fab name not your real name

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By *piderBunnyCouple
over a year ago

Back of Nowhere and Beyond

"I'm planning to go to the next one.

Assuming plans don't change I will set up a wolf pack group for us single lads that want a bit of bro support.

Cowboy hats will be optional.

Cowboy hats are NEVER optional.

At least... they should be compulsory. That would be delightful

Posh

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By *athyperkinsCouple
over a year ago

lifton

"Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T

Yeah I thought that when I heard about the name tag thing. I wouldn’t wear one. Not sure if it was a compulsory thing or not though. "

Some have replied that it wasn't compulsory and you could choose what it said, so not so bad I guess! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T

Yeah I thought that when I heard about the name tag thing. I wouldn’t wear one. Not sure if it was a compulsory thing or not though. "
luckily my name is

Stoplookingatmytits Myeyesareuphere

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Did you do the pre-social OP? Spurs does a great job bringing a smaller group together so that a few faces are familiar at least "

I definitely found it easier after attending this. Not only because its easier to remember people from the night before than 4 months previous but also because I often feel like my "socialising cogs" take some time to get warmed up and often I only really get into the swing of things towards the end of a night so it was like a pre work out and they were nicely limbered up for the Saturday

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Did you do the pre-social OP? Spurs does a great job bringing a smaller group together so that a few faces are familiar at least "

I (perhaps incorrectly) presume(d) the pre socials are very much geared to existing acquaintances

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

I think we were the last to arrive at that social (6.30pm) and you can feel a bit out of place when everyone else has had an extra 4 hours to chat & some met the night before or have met previously. Also a large group had moved outside too so we didn’t get to see quite a few or even the organisers! But don’t give up on them - they do get easier with time. And all credit to anyone who attends solo without knowing anyone - it can be daunting.

Maybe try a smaller social next time?

J x

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Sorry to hear you are feeling flat after your first experience OP. It can be very overwhelming going to a social, especially one as large as Manchester.

You are not alone in your feelings though, as others have said above, I think it comes down to what you might have been expecting from it.

My first social was a London one and I didn’t know anyone, I just grabbed a drink and got talking. It was an odd experience, which I won’t detail here, but it didn’t put me off.

Socials aren’t for everyone, I’ve always said you get out of a social what you are willing to put in.

If you decide to come back in December, come along to the pre social where you’ll meet a smaller crowd and well you will definitely talk to others, no one stands on the sidelines

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

Sorry you felt like that, OP.

I did try to chat to you when I saw you on your own looking lost/bored but you didn't seem keen.

If I'd known you were struggling, I'd have tried harder. I'm quite gregarious, though, so I don't tend to force myself on someone unless they look like they want it

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By *en_Dover79Man
over a year ago

Oswaldtwistle

"So I went to the Manchester Social and first of all I need to thank the organisers (and day helpers) who made it all work, but since then I’ve been wondering about what I felt about it.

They blocked me after I backed out.. realised it was a daytime event so couldnt go.. so fuck em

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Sorry to read you felt like an outsider OP, it must have been quite a difficult experience. Maybe try the smaller events? Or there's the pre-social which is a fantastic way of talking to people, a gentle introduction into the world of socialising with Fabbers.

I wouldn't say I'm either gregarious or thirsty, I don't attend the socials to find people to diddle. It might be about expectations realignment (view it as social, a chance to talk to people socially).

I don't rely on things to just happen before a social - I'll talk to those attending (found on the thread, in Telegram groups), make the effort. It's difficult for me - autism means I can easily have a sensory overload, avoid sitting down so I don't end up stimming my legs but I still make it work by having coping mechanisms and things in place to ensure I have fun.

This might sound a bit harsh but I do believe that to some extent people get what they put into a social.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T"

You didn’t have to wear a name tag - it only said your fab name.

I found that really helped at this social

They’re not easy I think a lot of people sometimes feel awkward at them.

I just try and mingle around a quick hello to everyone and crack a joke or two and just try and make conversation… The pre social is really good it breaks the ice for the main one

Sorry to hear it wasn’t as expected Dangermouse

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

My first MLS, when I was single, I didn’t know what to expect but found that people were ‘normal’. I don’t mean that in a bad way but I guess being on the forums and seeing/hearing things go on I had it in my head what everyone was going to be like.

Some people with big personas on the forums were shy. People who I expected to be in awe of/scared of, turned out to be normal people. People who I maybe hadn’t chatted to on the forums I got to know more.

You do build up an image of what to expect and I guess people will have done that of me too.

Once I realised this, I relaxed more and got chatting to a lot of different people and had a lovely time.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

The Manchester social can be a tad daunting to newbies by the number of people who attend, and most of the crowd know one another.

I specifically went and sat with a lady who clearly looked like a fish out of water and I hope I made her feel a little more welcome after I introduced her to others too.

I saw a few *single* guys amongst the crowd but their shyness perhaps got the better of them.

Can I make a few suggestions to the OPs for the next one …..

* in the case of newbies one of the OPs perhaps start them off by introducing them to regulars who will make them feel welcome and when they feel ready they will mingle themselves. You don’t have to hold their hand all the session. Or maybe a social buddy for newbies?

* I know publishing the guest list creates tensions amongst some but ….have you considered printing the guest list to hand out to those attending on the day as they check in? It could also be used to remember who you’ve met/spoken too as a tick list. You could highlight newbies with a note * please introduce yourself to newbies.

Just because there are name tags doesn’t mean you have to wear it but what are you afraid of? If you dont tell people who you are someone sure as hell else will do it for you so why hide.

Just a thought ….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry OP but at least you went! I went to West London social and didn’t talk to many people, did feel like most people knew one another but I met some gorgeous people and through them some more gorgeous people. And I’m going again because getting comfortable at these things take time! Also going to go to the next Manchester social and hopefully it’ll help having been to other social and met people. I think with these things, they get better every time you go.

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"This makes me really sad.. I felt similar at my first social when I went alone and didn’t know anybody but was looked after by the lovely jo & d and a daft bugger in a cowboy hat and got through the afternoon unscathed. It was the second event that I made a few more friends and had got to know a few more people by messages so I kept going back… now I can happily rock up on my own and mooch around the room without second thought. I think it helps if you build platonic friendships around the socials and go to essentially catch up with friends. There were several single males on their own who clearly didn’t know anybody and we got to know a few over the course of the day and I think it would be useful for the organisers of such events if you could suggest anything that would have made you more comfortable.

You’re definately not an outsider and it’s crap you felt that way. "

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By *assing Fancies xCouple
over a year ago

Sherwood Forest

"Did you do the pre-social OP? Spurs does a great job bringing a smaller group together so that a few faces are familiar at least

I (perhaps incorrectly) presume(d) the pre socials are very much geared to existing acquaintances "
not at all, it was our first and we attended the pre social, again it was nice to turn up to the main event and actually have people we've already chatted a had a laugh with the night previously there to escape to when we was stood on our own

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you do the pre-social OP? Spurs does a great job bringing a smaller group together so that a few faces are familiar at least

I (perhaps incorrectly) presume(d) the pre socials are very much geared to existing acquaintances "

No the exact opposite.. They are for newbies

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

"Did you do the pre-social OP? Spurs does a great job bringing a smaller group together so that a few faces are familiar at least

I (perhaps incorrectly) presume(d) the pre socials are very much geared to existing acquaintances not at all, it was our first and we attended the pre social, again it was nice to turn up to the main event and actually have people we've already chatted a had a laugh with the night previously there to escape to when we was stood on our own

This

Especially joining the group chat spurs created for the pre social helps people to connect loads

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The Manchester social can be a tad daunting to newbies by the number of people who attend, and most of the crowd know one another.

I specifically went and sat with a lady who clearly looked like a fish out of water and I hope I made her feel a little more welcome after I introduced her to others too.

I saw a few *single* guys amongst the crowd but their shyness perhaps got the better of them.

Can I make a few suggestions to the OPs for the next one …..

Just because there are name tags doesn’t mean you have to wear it but what are you afraid of? If you dont tell people who you are someone sure as hell else will do it for you so why hide.

Just a thought …."

Some good suggestions there DC

Maybe newbies have a different colour name tag?? At dancing we give them a sticker so people make an effort to engage them

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

OP, what you describe is basically me at any event in my life where I don't know people, the larger the event the worse it being. I think that a lot of us suffer from social anxieties - that's society in general, not just fab parties, but yes maybe fab type socials in particular as we can put one hell of a lot of expectations upon ourselves in those settings. Personally I'm a lot better in smaller groups, though again if it happens that there is nobody there that I know already, I can easily end up being the one that listens in on fragments of conversations but never manages to feel comfortable saying anything. The mental and emotional pressures around sex are intense for those of us where it is a once-in-a-blue-moon event rather than a frequent occurrence, making the whole thing more difficult.

Personally I do intend to continue going along to socials and club events (though only if and when the covid risk abates, but that's a topic for a different forum section). Future events though I think that I shall make strenuous efforts to get there early instead of my usual two or three hours late, so that I can make myself known to people as they arrive - rather than walking into a room that is full of people who are already all gathered in groups.

There probably are no easy answers for those of us who are not naturally comfortable at parties, and for who casual conversation is not an easy skill. Should we even be "swingers" in the first place? Arguably not. But perhaps it's the closest to a "fit" that some of us will find, so we just have to keep trying.

PS. OP, it's not all negative, I have made some wonderful friends through fab and through socials, it perhaps just takes me longer than it does for those with party skills. Whether social encounters will ever extend into sexual experiences, who knows. For the moment though friendships are sufficient.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Did you do the pre-social OP? Spurs does a great job bringing a smaller group together so that a few faces are familiar at least

I (perhaps incorrectly) presume(d) the pre socials are very much geared to existing acquaintances

No the exact opposite.. They are for newbies

Precisely that, half the spaces are reserved for newbies to the Manchester social, at the pre social.

I personally hate anyone standing sitting on their own at these things and do make a beeline for them, if I spot them. Some just need that nudge to join in, others are quite happy to be alone and observe.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"Did you do the pre-social OP? Spurs does a great job bringing a smaller group together so that a few faces are familiar at least

I (perhaps incorrectly) presume(d) the pre socials are very much geared to existing acquaintances "

As others have said, they aren’t.

Its a smaller gathering and Spurs will try her hardest to make sure you feel included and introduce people about.

Just don’t wear a hat!

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Did you do the pre-social OP? Spurs does a great job bringing a smaller group together so that a few faces are familiar at least

I (perhaps incorrectly) presume(d) the pre socials are very much geared to existing acquaintances

As others have said, they aren’t.

Its a smaller gathering and Spurs will try her hardest to make sure you feel included and introduce people about.

Just don’t wear a hat!"

New venue, hats will be good

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Sorry OP but at least you went! I went to West London social and didn’t talk to many people, did feel like most people knew one another but I met some gorgeous people and through them some more gorgeous people. And I’m going again because getting comfortable at these things take time! Also going to go to the next Manchester social and hopefully it’ll help having been to other social and met people. I think with these things, they get better every time you go.

Aww I'm sad to miss you at the next one!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you do the pre-social OP? Spurs does a great job bringing a smaller group together so that a few faces are familiar at least

I (perhaps incorrectly) presume(d) the pre socials are very much geared to existing acquaintances

As others have said, they aren’t.

Its a smaller gathering and Spurs will try her hardest to make sure you feel included and introduce people about.

Just don’t wear a hat!"

Oh the bouncer tried to break my balls when i turned up in my hat

Apparently hats are against the dress code?!?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good on you for posting about it, DM. I think that's something many people wouldn't do. They'd just never go again. As you prob know, I was meant to be there but couldn't make it. I hope that we may have chatted in person?

I was bloody terrified about the event and I am a very gregarious person. I think the key thing is maybe not knowing particular individuals going that you really hit it off with on here. I planned a couple of socials beforehand with locals so there would be some friendly faces. Is that something you could maybe do? There are some Manchester regulars near you.

A room full of strangers is off putting to just about anyone, I think. And once you feel a bit lost, it gets harder to socialise. Maybe attending the pre-social would really help - I've heard from others that it's a great event! I believe there is a Barnsley social which is more local to you and presumably smaller and also Leeds and York have regular events. I hope you do enjoy the next event you attend a lot more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No chance - I dislike large groups of people.

Fair play for giving it a try.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Did you do the pre-social OP? Spurs does a great job bringing a smaller group together so that a few faces are familiar at least

I (perhaps incorrectly) presume(d) the pre socials are very much geared to existing acquaintances

As others have said, they aren’t.

Its a smaller gathering and Spurs will try her hardest to make sure you feel included and introduce people about.

Just don’t wear a hat!

Oh the bouncer tried to break my balls when i turned up in my hat

Apparently hats are against the dress code?!?

Enormous fake beehive wigs were fine though

Some inter sting observations, a few that I hadn’t really approached at least from the same angle. I think the thing that would have made the biggest difference would have been having someone I knew (properly, not as in lounge-knew) there, and that was the plan when I signed up but they had to cancel.

Sorry if I looked bored, I never felt it, introverts love to people watch, maybe I had a resting-bored-face?

I’m considering another that has two of my frequent (and longer term) chatters going, and that might feel different.

I’d love to have to wear a hat

Peace out for a bit x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not excited about the number of people there, I like more intimate meetings

but I am excited about who I might bump into, hope fully some new friends or friends who I’ve been hoping to meet up with.

You gotta try these things op.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *he FAB Social - MCRCouple (FF)
over a year ago

manchester

Well this has been an eye opener for quite a few reasons.

Just my two-Pennies worth.

- Name badges are optional.

- the pre-social is absolutely aimed at new people.

- we wouldn’t just block someone who couldn’t come anymore.

Thanks

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T

Yeah I thought that when I heard about the name tag thing. I wouldn’t wear one. Not sure if it was a compulsory thing or not though.

It’s your Fab name not your real name

Or in some cases, not even your real Fab name!

I didn't wear a name tag because it would have damaged my dress and it's pretty fucking obvious who I am anyway

Our experience both times was that Mrs KC enjoyed getting to know people but Mr KC found the large number of people, flashing lights from the disco and general noise overwhelming and didn't stay as long as Mrs (me). That's something for us to discuss as a couple.

Because I was on my own and am not very visible in the wheelchair, especially when it's busy and people have had lots to drink, I retired to the back room to sit at a table and got to know some Fabbers who I'd spoken to a lot in the forums, but never had the chance to actually talk to.

I do wish I wasn't at arse height because people can't see me and I get squashed/stood on or people find it awkward to talk down to me.

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru

It can be daunting OP and going was probably the hardest part

I attend socials across the country and the Manchester one is one of the most inclusive socials I’ve been too. Having been to quite a few now yes you do get to know people and you see familiar faces but that doesn’t stop me wandering around and at the recent one I chatted to lots of new faces and it was great getting to know people a little.

The pre social and chat groups are great ways to get to know folks beforehand

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Whilst I do t want to stop people talking about the Manchester Social in general, the post was more using it as a route into discussing about fitting in to socials in general, and I want to make it clear that I don’t agree with any criticism of the event specifically, I have no issues with it in the slightest (I tried to make this clear in the first sentence), so please don’t be social bashing if you can avoid it.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

Maybe they (socials) just aren’t for you. But at least you tried it.

Maybe one to ones or smaller group socials are for you. Or not. You do Fab your way. It’s your adventure to have.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"Whilst I do t want to stop people talking about the Manchester Social in general, the post was more using it as a route into discussing about fitting in to socials in general, and I want to make it clear that I don’t agree with any criticism of the event specifically, I have no issues with it in the slightest (I tried to make this clear in the first sentence), so please don’t be social bashing if you can avoid it. "

We have attended more kink munches than swinger socials but they are pretty much the same and the important things that we have learned is to put yourself out there and the more people see you the more they will open up.

You can be a veteran of one areas social, but going to another you become the newbie.

Bigger gatherings can be daunting, but also can make it easier to fly under the radar and get a feel for how they work.

Smaller gatherings can allow you to speak with people, but they can also make it so you have to speak with people which can put people off.

Any social gathering attracts accusations of cliques or not being inclusive, but thats just people opting to spend time with people they know and not to intentionally exclude others.

Our first ever social we sat at the bar and watched everyone come in and struggled to join in. We didn’t make that same mistake the next time we went.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I went to the Manchester Social and first of all I need to thank the organisers (and day helpers) who made it all work, but since then I’ve been wondering about what I felt about it.

It's like anything really if you or other people aren't attracted to each other it's not going to happen wether it's a social or real life , it's not you or it's not them it's just not attraction that's all , some people think that just because it's a certain social that there's no problem in getting laid ,some people are particular with whom they have sex with , that you went at all speaks volumes for you ,do not let it get to you if it does , it's all experience .

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

This is why I prefer smaller socials plus if get in too much trouble going to Manchester

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

Firstly, I want to say a big well done to you OP for stepping out of your comfort zone and attending. It was my first time too and I agree, it can be really daunting to go and find a huge room full of people without an idea of who you'd like to speak to.

I was really nervous too but I guess I was lucky that I spoke to a few people beforehand so had an idea of who I wanted to meet. I also attended the Pre-social which is a smaller group and a bit easier to chat to people and introduce yourself which you can give you a bit more confidence to then take into the main social.

I really thought I would feel like an impostor too having a personality on here that may not meet real life expectations but the above things really helped me become more comfortable. I hope it doesn't put you off socials OP as I think they really are a great way to meet new people and become more confident in yourself

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

This was my fourth group social, two of which were with bearded and I still feel like a fish out of water, it's very overwhelming for me personally as I don't have the confidence to walk up to unfamiliar people as I don't want to feel like I'm encroaching if theyre in a group chatting already, so I stick to who I know and with each one I'll slowly get a bit more comfortable talking to people (plus you get to know them a bit more on here)

As for the fancying, I don't even go there with that in my mind, I'm just there to put faces to people and get to meet them irl.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well done for going! A room full of 200+ strangers sounds like my idea of hell.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

Can I ask, are the socials held at normal venues (likes pubs etc) or are they specially hired out? Because I know if I rocked up to one I’d spend hours chatting to some random person at the bar, only to find out they were ‘t on Fab at all, and was there on a works do or something!

awkward!!

I think DC made some good suggestions. If I went I’d like to think someone would introduce me to a few folk to get me started off and then leave it up to me to then mingle, rather than being left to introduce myself.

And I definitely would just use the Socials as a place to put faces to names etc as I don’t sex up forumites (usually).

If I wasn’t so shy and unsociable (and I had the free time and spare cash!) I’d love to go. Would be lovely to see what everybody is really like.

As I said above OP, you put yourself out there. That’s half the battle.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Can I ask, are the socials held at normal venues (likes pubs etc) or are they specially hired out? Because I know if I rocked up to one I’d spend hours chatting to some random person at the bar, only to find out they were ‘t on Fab at all, and was there on a works do or something!

awkward!!

And I definitely would just use the Socials as a place to put faces to names etc as I don’t sex up forumites (usually).

If I wasn’t so shy and unsociable (and I had the free time and spare cash!) I’d love to go. Would be lovely to see what everybody is really like.

As I said above OP, you put yourself out there. That’s half the battle. "

The latest Manc social was held at a bar/pub/club type venue. We (Fab) had exclusive use from 2pm to about 6pm? You had to be on The Fab Manchester Social guestlist to get in between those times. After that, we were given warning that the bar would be opened to the general public. So, definitely Fab people between 2-6 (ish)pm

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T

Yeah I thought that when I heard about the name tag thing. I wouldn’t wear one. Not sure if it was a compulsory thing or not though.

It’s your Fab name not your real name

I know that

. Jesus I’m not that dumb!

Still wouldn’t

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

awkward!!

And I definitely would just use the Socials as a place to put faces to names etc as I don’t sex up forumites (usually).

If I wasn’t so shy and unsociable (and I had the free time and spare cash!) I’d love to go. Would be lovely to see what everybody is really like.

As I said above OP, you put yourself out there. That’s half the battle.

Oh that sounds good

plenty of time to mingle then.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T

Yeah I thought that when I heard about the name tag thing. I wouldn’t wear one. Not sure if it was a compulsory thing or not though.

It’s your Fab name not your real name

I know that

. Jesus I’m not that dumb!

Still wouldn’t "

Name tags were entirely optional. I didn't wear one. Mr KC did (with Mr KC on it)

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By *ong-leggedblondWoman
over a year ago

Next Door

OP, it was my 1st Manchester social as well. I was very nervous about going and really struggle with these sort of things.

Thankfully I had met a few before the pre social which did help.

It has helped me overcome a few insecurities but I have loads more. I have also planned to go to a few more in the next few months, these are more local to me.

As for anyone fancying me, I very much doubt it..

Anyway OP, I hope you go to another soon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

awkward!!

And I definitely would just use the Socials as a place to put faces to names etc as I don’t sex up forumites (usually).

If I wasn’t so shy and unsociable (and I had the free time and spare cash!) I’d love to go. Would be lovely to see what everybody is really like.

As I said above OP, you put yourself out there. That’s half the battle. "

There was once a forum social at a club. We met in the hotel lobby for an afternoon pre-social. Some random, innocent, non Fab bloke was there. Some forumites got chatting to him and he ended up coming to the club with us that night. He's been on here ever since.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Pre social really helped in Dec for my 1st time. Knowing a few people helps too, if you feel a bit lost go chat to a familiar face with no pressure.

Tbh would rather feel like OP than swamped by people I know and not be comfortable to go off & chat to whoever I like the look of, I feel sorry for some of the women you see people literally hovering trying to get a slot!

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

awkward!!

And I definitely would just use the Socials as a place to put faces to names etc as I don’t sex up forumites (usually).

If I wasn’t so shy and unsociable (and I had the free time and spare cash!) I’d love to go. Would be lovely to see what everybody is really like.

As I said above OP, you put yourself out there. That’s half the battle.

I’m now wondering who it is!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

awkward!!

And I definitely would just use the Socials as a place to put faces to names etc as I don’t sex up forumites (usually).

If I wasn’t so shy and unsociable (and I had the free time and spare cash!) I’d love to go. Would be lovely to see what everybody is really like.

As I said above OP, you put yourself out there. That’s half the battle.

There’s also a rumour of someone dragging a friend along once who knew nothing about the party until during a conversation at a table

poor fella. *a long time ago.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally think a huge group social would be overwhelming for me so I totally get where you are coming from OP. I don't think I could be comfortable enough to step out my comfort zone to try one so hats off to you for going. The next one might be a little easier

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP, it was my 1st Manchester social as well. I was very nervous about going and really struggle with these sort of things.

Thankfully I had met a few before the pre social which did help.

It has helped me overcome a few insecurities but I have loads more. I have also planned to go to a few more in the next few months, these are more local to me.

As for anyone fancying me, I very much doubt it..

Anyway OP, I hope you go to another soon. "

Lovely, please don't put yourself down. You don't deserve that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally i dont like group socials as good a time as iv had when iv been they can be a bit distracting and find it hard to relax

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

My experience at socials has been similar. My very first one I went on my own having never met anyone there and only chatted to one or two beforehand.

I'm comfortable talking to anyone but not really the type to bounce up and introduce myself generally and especially not when people are sitting in large groups. I did on this occasion however and got a quick nod before they turned away to continue chatting with their pals.

I made a point of speaking to a couple at the bar while they were a captive audience and they walked away without speaking before messaging the next day to ask why I wasn't at the event??

I have been to other socials were women outnumbered the men by 2-1 but this wasn't reflected in the attitude of those there because it was more like a ladies who lunch event and approaching a table of 15 women wasn't really an option.

I've had messages from people I've never spoken to prior to socials telling me how much they were looking forward to meeting me on the night who then completely blanked me when I spoke to them and had the nerve to message the next day to say they hadn't seen me.

These events had less than 60 people at them in small venues so the chances of not being seen were slim.

I understand people will be catching up with friends etc but with the little childish games they really don't do themselves any favours and as a result I would be reluctant to attend any more social events.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

"My experience at socials has been similar. My very first one I went on my own having never met anyone there and only chatted to one or two beforehand.

I made a point of speaking to a couple at the bar while they were a captive audience and they walked away without speaking before messaging the next day to ask why I wasn't at the event??

These events had less than 60 people at them in small venues so the chances of not being seen were slim.

Had you said what your Fab username was?

I’m personally not good with remembering names so would probably be logged into Fab and searching their Fab username. If I went to one that is.

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By *he FAB Social - MCRCouple (FF)
over a year ago

manchester

I’ve just caught up... Covid had me snoozing!

From an organisers point of view we do try and get newbies to mingle, one in particular stood out as he’d voiced his concerns in the thread and was sitting on his own nursing a pint so I just grabbed a few people and introduced them. At the end of the night he said he was so glad he’d decided to come and had had a great time!

We are about to help also, the couple that came in late, I spotted you but you were very deep in a conversation with a guest and I didn’t want to interrupt that.

We do not publish the guest list as we’ve been asked by so many not to as we’re aware of people ‘stalking’ others on the list and we don’t want to fuel this.

There is multiple fab threads to join in on and there’s telegram groups for both the pre-social & the main social for those who wish to chat to others before the event.

The colours on badges may be something we look into but not everyone wants to wear a badge so I don’t know if that would be futile tbh.

Finally... we do not block anyone just because they can’t attend, many people have plans changed etc leading up to it, we’re all people with other lives, so you’re sentiments back at you Mr!

Pixie

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

I like the idea of name badges as we have been to loads of socials where we have been chatting all night to a couple and then forgotten their name as we are both useless with names

I think it’s brave going to a social on your own thankfully I have my husband so if no one talks to us then me and my husband will have a great time together regardless.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I like to go to socials to be sociable and meet people I've seen, or interacted with, on the forums.

I've never gone to see if anyone fuckable turns up.

I've talked to people and had a good rapport, but I wouldn't be bothered if I didn't want sex with anyone who went.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

"My experience at socials has been similar. My very first one I went on my own having never met anyone there and only chatted to one or two beforehand.

I made a point of speaking to a couple at the bar while they were a captive audience and they walked away without speaking before messaging the next day to ask why I wasn't at the event??

These events had less than 60 people at them in small venues so the chances of not being seen were slim.

Had you said what your Fab username was?

I’m personally not good with remembering names so would probably be logged into Fab and searching their Fab username. If I went to one that is. "

Yes I had every time. Some of these were people who sent me a facepic and asked for mine so we would recognise each other at the event.

I thought it a little strange as I had never spoken to them before but was aware of their profiles and they were all well verified.

I overhead my name being used as I passed their group and caught them looking in my direction a number of times so I can only assume they had an ulterior motive for the messages.

These women were far from shy and were social butterflies.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I like to go to socials to be sociable and meet people I've seen, or interacted with, on the forums.

I've never gone to see if anyone fuckable turns up.

I've talked to people and had a good rapport, but I wouldn't be bothered if I didn't want sex with anyone who went.

Same for me

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere

"Did you do the pre-social OP? Spurs does a great job bringing a smaller group together so that a few faces are familiar at least

This

Especially joining the group chat spurs created for the pre social helps people to connect loads

Even though I’d been to a couple of socials in the past the chat group is a brilliant way introduce yourself.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

When someone new attends an STP I try to engage with them and bring them into conversation.

They aren't huge affairs, so it's easier to do that.

I went to a slightly larger group social and noticed one small group of people in a corner only chatting amongst themselves.

My thoughts were that they could have met up in a pub and had a chat instead of taking up space at an organised social.

I go to meet new friends.

My first group social I decided I didn't like the chairs so far apart and asked people to move in, so we could chat to more people.

I'll also get off my chair, if we're at tables and pop onto a vacant chair on another table, for a quick chat.

I'm like a cuckoo

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I like the idea of name badges as we have been to loads of socials where we have been chatting all night to a couple and then forgotten their name as we are both useless with names

I think it’s brave going to a social on your own thankfully I have my husband so if no one talks to us then me and my husband will have a great time together regardless."

I wouldn't want a badge with my username on in a public space.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

"My experience at socials has been similar. My very first one I went on my own having never met anyone there and only chatted to one or two beforehand.

I made a point of speaking to a couple at the bar while they were a captive audience and they walked away without speaking before messaging the next day to ask why I wasn't at the event??

These events had less than 60 people at them in small venues so the chances of not being seen were slim.

Had you said what your Fab username was?

I’m personally not good with remembering names so would probably be logged into Fab and searching their Fab username. If I went to one that is.

Yes I had every time. Some of these were people who sent me a facepic and asked for mine so we would recognise each other at the event.

I thought it a little strange as I had never spoken to them before but was aware of their profiles and they were all well verified.

I overhead my name being used as I passed their group and caught them looking in my direction a number of times so I can only assume they had an ulterior motive for the messages.

These women were far from shy and were social butterflies. "

Well it sounds like you had a lucky escape there really - you don’t need that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I go to a lot of social events. For me, they are just this. I enjoy being social, getting out, dressing up/making effort etc. i rarely find I’m attracted to people at them if I’m honest. I also find people don’t want to talk to me ahahaha! Recently found out that I’m intimidating and give off a vibe. I make it my point to make sure I do get and talk to people though.

I don’t think socials are for everyone though and that’s fine

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'm sorry you had a difficult time. I haven't been to one in awhile, but I found that I had to work at the socials to make them work for me. It's a bit overwhelming for some people, like me.

They can be really wonderful (and the hosts do a great job to make them so), but obviously (like anything) they're geared more to certain personality types.

I hope you try a social again. Going for the first time really is the hardest part.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"I wouldn't want a badge with my username on in a public space.

Mine just said “Message deleted”

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Port talbot

For me socials are about just socialising and getting to know people, you have to approach people and talk to them if they don't approach you.

People are expecting to be approached as that's the whole point being there.

As for you saying there was nobody attractive there, have you had your eyes tested recently?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My experience at socials has been similar. My very first one I went on my own having never met anyone there and only chatted to one or two beforehand.

I made a point of speaking to a couple at the bar while they were a captive audience and they walked away without speaking before messaging the next day to ask why I wasn't at the event??

These events had less than 60 people at them in small venues so the chances of not being seen were slim.

Had you said what your Fab username was?

I’m personally not good with remembering names so would probably be logged into Fab and searching their Fab username. If I went to one that is.

Yes I had every time. Some of these were people who sent me a facepic and asked for mine so we would recognise each other at the event.

I thought it a little strange as I had never spoken to them before but was aware of their profiles and they were all well verified.

I overhead my name being used as I passed their group and caught them looking in my direction a number of times so I can only assume they had an ulterior motive for the messages.

These women were far from shy and were social butterflies. "

That's disgusting and tbh this is what puts me off....People talking about me not to me

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I like the idea of name badges as we have been to loads of socials where we have been chatting all night to a couple and then forgotten their name as we are both useless with names

I think it’s brave going to a social on your own thankfully I have my husband so if no one talks to us then me and my husband will have a great time together regardless.

I wouldn't want a badge with my username on in a public space.

Again, badges were completely optional. I did not have one. Mr did. His choice. The bar/pub was not a public space from 2-6pm, it was restricted only to the people on the social guest list and we were given warning of the time when it was reopened to the public.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Anyway, how long till the next one?

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I wouldn't want a badge with my username on in a public space.

Noted

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

We do not publish the guest list as we’ve been asked by so many not to as we’re aware of people ‘stalking’ others on the list and we don’t want to fuel this

Pixie

Stalking!

that’s a very strong word to use in context with a social event!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T

No one had to have a name tag, and most people who did used their fab name. So you can absolutely choose who knows who you are and who doesn't...

I’m the opposite, I’d have loved recognising those I’d interacted with on the forums by seeing their Fab names.

I’ve got an appalling memory so it would be a welcome plus

Viv

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By *he FAB Social - MCRCouple (FF)
over a year ago

manchester

We do not publish the guest list as we’ve been asked by so many not to as we’re aware of people ‘stalking’ others on the list and we don’t want to fuel this

Pixie

Stalking!

that’s a very strong word to use in context with a social event! "

Strong maybe but so very accurate!

Pixie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Anyway, how long till the next one?

August 19th pre-social

August 20th social

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"For me socials are about just socialising and getting to know people, you have to approach people and talk to them if they don't approach you.

People are expecting to be approached as that's the whole point being there.

As for you saying there was nobody attractive there, have you had your eyes tested recently?

Again, that’s not what I said and not the words I used, I said there was none I fancied, that’s 2 very different things

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

We do not publish the guest list as we’ve been asked by so many not to as we’re aware of people ‘stalking’ others on the list and we don’t want to fuel this

Pixie

Stalking!

that’s a very strong word to use in context with a social event!

Strong maybe but so very accurate!

Pixie "

Stalking as in proper stalking? I don’t understand.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

We do not publish the guest list as we’ve been asked by so many not to as we’re aware of people ‘stalking’ others on the list and we don’t want to fuel this

Pixie

Stalking!

that’s a very strong word to use in context with a social event!

Strong maybe but so very accurate!

Pixie

Stalking as in proper stalking? I don’t understand. "

I believe what is meant is individuals making a beeline for specific people they've decided they want to talk to and then following them round, even if the person/people do not wish to speak to them. It's also possible that people who have experienced cyber stalking might be targeted by their online stalker who gets their name put down if a guest list is known in advance. I have no idea if the latter has ever happened but the former certainly does happen (even without published guest lists).

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I like to go to socials to be sociable and meet people I've seen, or interacted with, on the forums.

I've never gone to see if anyone fuckable turns up.

I've talked to people and had a good rapport, but I wouldn't be bothered if I didn't want sex with anyone who went.

Anyone going purely for that probably deserves to fail, but that wasn’t what I meant. I do think, that if you’re going to a large social with the Intent of increasing your circle of friends in a swinging scene however, that it’s not unreasonable to want to come away seeing someone you fancy, for whom you can take the conversation further over messaging, and get to know the people that you are interested in. And this goes hand in hand with (not replacing) meeting others for whom there is no attraction, but still enjoyment in chatting. I definitely had some of the latter, interestingly mainly with non forum embers who’s profiles I had never seen before, so in that sense it was a success in that I didn’t get stuck in an echo chamber of the same people. If I wanted an easy shag, I had one on the table with someone who asked me in the (unisex) toilets to leave with them after 3 sentences of chat (the first two of which were are you with the private group, and what’s your name….). When I declined, she asked if my wife was at home. I’m not interested in that, I went for the social, and have since started this thread to talk about the feelings of fitting in, it to be self entitled about why there weren’t hot girls on tap for me

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

We do not publish the guest list as we’ve been asked by so many not to as we’re aware of people ‘stalking’ others on the list and we don’t want to fuel this

Pixie

Stalking!

that’s a very strong word to use in context with a social event!

Strong maybe but so very accurate!

Pixie

Stalking as in proper stalking? I don’t understand.

Ah ok. I preferred it when it was published but if thems the rules fair enough.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We do not publish the guest list as we’ve been asked by so many not to as we’re aware of people ‘stalking’ others on the list and we don’t want to fuel this

Pixie

Stalking!

that’s a very strong word to use in context with a social event!

Strong maybe but so very accurate!

Pixie

Stalking as in proper stalking? I don’t understand. "

I guess people attending only because someone else is, and then making that other persons night horrible when they are harassed by someone they’ve likely already given the elbow to before

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"I like to go to socials to be sociable and meet people I've seen, or interacted with, on the forums.

I've never gone to see if anyone fuckable turns up.

I've talked to people and had a good rapport, but I wouldn't be bothered if I didn't want sex with anyone who went.

Most of my interactions are with non forum users x

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

We do not publish the guest list as we’ve been asked by so many not to as we’re aware of people ‘stalking’ others on the list and we don’t want to fuel this

Pixie

Stalking!

that’s a very strong word to use in context with a social event!

Strong maybe but so very accurate!

Pixie

Stalking as in proper stalking? I don’t understand.

I guess people attending only because someone else is, and then making that other persons night horrible when they are harassed by someone they’ve likely already given the elbow to before "

Ok. Surely they’d be asked to leave it that was the case though. I’ve never seen that happen at the socials. Fair enough though, if that’s been happening.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

We do not publish the guest list as we’ve been asked by so many not to as we’re aware of people ‘stalking’ others on the list and we don’t want to fuel this

Pixie

Stalking!

that’s a very strong word to use in context with a social event!

Strong maybe but so very accurate!

Pixie

Stalking as in proper stalking? I don’t understand.

Only one of the socials I went to had a chatgroup beforehand and a number of people were removed from that group before details of the location etc were given out and their tickets refunded because of their actions.

One man contacted me privately in connection with an arrangement a number of men in the group had regarding meeting women at that social and another a month later.

I told him I had no idea what he was talking about or who any of the people were that he mentioned by their first names.

He apologised and said he had confused me with someone else in the chatgroup but when I pressed him on what he meant by arrangements he said it was in relation to tag teaming unsuspecting women.

I reported him to the organisers and passed on the other names he had given me and they were all banned from the event.

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By *he FAB Social - MCRCouple (FF)
over a year ago

manchester

" Ah ok. I preferred it when it was published but if thems the rules fair enough. "

I shall take this on board and maybe publish it without the names of those that don’t wish to be publicly named but to back pixie up and to make it as low key as I can on this point what she said wasn’t for dramatic licence there’s been some ‘real life’ reasons behind the decision to not publish the list before.

GG xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Ah ok. I preferred it when it was published but if thems the rules fair enough.

GG xx"

I would absolutely see the benefit in not publishing the list in advance. People can use the threads here and the telegram group to start chatting to attendees - that worked well.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Well done pal. It’s a tough gig being a single guy at a social. The thing I’ve noticed is.

Early doors it’s easier to go up and chat to people. After an hour or so most people have moved into small groups. That’s when you look round the room and think SHIT!

Fortunately when this happened to me I bumped into a couple I knew and we had a laugh. I got introduced to their new friends too.

It’s not for everyone. We can’t all be Coco the Clown or that guy from the advert “Bob” who’s super popular and knows everyone. Not one for the teenagers.

You’ve done it. You’ve ticked the box. Good on you.

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By *athyperkinsCouple
over a year ago

lifton

"Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T

Yeah I thought that when I heard about the name tag thing. I wouldn’t wear one. Not sure if it was a compulsory thing or not though.

It’s your Fab name not your real name

I know that

. Jesus I’m not that dumb!

Still wouldn’t "

Agreed, Nora - fab name still a nope from me! T

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

[Removed by poster at 18/04/22 18:07:08]

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

We do not publish the guest list as we’ve been asked by so many not to as we’re aware of people ‘stalking’ others on the list and we don’t want to fuel this

Pixie

Stalking!

that’s a very strong word to use in context with a social event!

Strong maybe but so very accurate!

Pixie "

As someone who organises a social (all be it in a club so play can happen) I have to agree that there are lots of requests not to publish a list because of people wanting to remain incognito until the night. As well as all the he said she said dramas that seem to follow some people around that I'm just not here to entertain.

Having a forum thread (or 2 or 3) where people can interact and choose wether or not to disclose that they are going works well and everyone seems to get themselves all excited for the main event!

Have been to one Manchester social and it was a great night X

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T

Yeah I thought that when I heard about the name tag thing. I wouldn’t wear one. Not sure if it was a compulsory thing or not though.

It’s your Fab name not your real name

I know that

. Jesus I’m not that dumb!

Still wouldn’t

Agreed, Nora - fab name still a nope from me! T"

As has been said multiple times, name tags were entirely optional!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Ah ok. I preferred it when it was published but if thems the rules fair enough.

GG xx

I would absolutely see the benefit in not publishing the list in advance. People can use the threads here and the telegram group to start chatting to attendees - that worked well. "

I did also sit on the front desk with NSP and peruse the list to see who was there, thinking back I’m not sure people should be able to maybe, but it was largely just an excuse to sit by the door for a bit and talk to NSP while doing it …

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

" Ah ok. I preferred it when it was published but if thems the rules fair enough.

GG xx

I would absolutely see the benefit in not publishing the list in advance. People can use the threads here and the telegram group to start chatting to attendees - that worked well.

I feel slightly used and very flattered now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know I'm nothing to look at so I used the badges to be cheeky and say hello to everyone I could get to.

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

" Ah ok. I preferred it when it was published but if thems the rules fair enough.

GG xx"

Tbf I assumed the social chat threads, were for people who wanted to publish that they were going to the social, when they announced that they were checking in. I do see the need for privacy especially as we want the socials to be open to all. Personally I haven't attended any other social that publishes a guest list over the past year. It is a tricky balance to achieve x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally, I don't think I'd ever go to one of these for the same reasons.

I know I'd pretty much end up on my own and be even more annoyed afterwards.

Plus, it's seems a very sociable social. With a lot of socialising. I'm not sure that's me.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

OP I do remember you and remember having a chat quite early on ...

I made a point of getting to know any newbies and you seemed a great chap..

Please don't be put off any future events as imo they really are a great way to get to know other fabbers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi OP

Sorry to hear about your experience!

I attended this social and it was my 1st big social, I attended the pre social the Friday evening too.

It was a large crowd and very daunting as they all seemed to know each other, luckily for me I did know a few people who arrived shortly after me, it’s fair to say I stuck to them like glue

I didn’t stay till the end as I was ready home earlier and I was all pretty much talked out by then, plus I’d eaten all the brownies

I think it would possibly of been easier if you had arrived at the start before the place was full and you could see people arriving and people were introducing themselves a little more

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

I've never been to one. I have't met anyone from here, so I have no veris. I often read that going to a social is a good way to get veris, so I had a look in the meets section.

There is a social reasonably close to me soon. It said newbies welcome, and all guests must be verified, so I won't be putting myself down for that one.

I couldn't actually go on that date anyway, as am away at a festival that weekend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose it will be an experience for some, that you have experienced OP. It’s a large social by the sound of it, and that will have a full range of people and all the traits, types and personalities they bring etc.

And for those less socially confident etc it is less accessible, and the social is open to all but clearly there are some friendships that have developed too which may make it seem like things are ‘clique’ like but your experience will resonate with others.

The bigger it is, it has more chance to seem less personal, but the pre-social chats etc and getting somewhere towards having rapport with at least some individuals will help ahead of the main event perhaps too.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Personally, I don't think I'd ever go to one of these for the same reasons.

I know I'd pretty much end up on my own and be even more annoyed afterwards.

Plus, it's seems a very sociable social. With a lot of socialising. I'm not sure that's me. "

I think that's part of it. You have to put some effort in. No denying it can be a bit daunting but if you've already written people off because there's no one on the cattle market you fancy, you probably won't get very far and then have a more disappointing experience. Lots of people do interact with lots of different people - I had the pleasure of going up to and talking to some new attendees (sorry for the excited chat!) and also of people approaching me.

I do think the time you arrive makes a difference also.

Socials aren't for everyone, there's no denying that. That being said, I'm sorry the OP had a disappointing time.

Signed

A Thirsty One.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

"I've never been to one. I have't met anyone from here, so I have no veris. I often read that going to a social is a good way to get veris, so I had a look in the meets section.

There is a social reasonably close to me soon. It said newbies welcome, and all guests must be verified, so I won't be putting myself down for that one.

I couldn't actually go on that date anyway, as am away at a festival that weekend."

Meet verified? If not might be worth popping in to chat rooms and getting webcam verified?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally, I don't think I'd ever go to one of these for the same reasons.

I know I'd pretty much end up on my own and be even more annoyed afterwards.

Plus, it's seems a very sociable social. With a lot of socialising. I'm not sure that's me. "

If you change your mind bring suitable footwear for the dance floor

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I suppose it will be an experience for some, that you have experienced OP. It’s a large social by the sound of it, and that will have a full range of people and all the traits, types and personalities they bring etc.

Indeed. There are smaller scale Fab socials in other towns and cities. It's pretty well advertised as to how big the Manchester social is and so of course, people can choose whether to come or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've never been to one. I have't met anyone from here, so I have no veris. I often read that going to a social is a good way to get veris, so I had a look in the meets section.

There is a social reasonably close to me soon. It said newbies welcome, and all guests must be verified, so I won't be putting myself down for that one.

I couldn't actually go on that date anyway, as am away at a festival that weekend."

Wait you have to be verified to go to socials?

Oh no…

There’s my excuse sorted though.

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

"I've never been to one. I have't met anyone from here, so I have no veris. I often read that going to a social is a good way to get veris, so I had a look in the meets section.

There is a social reasonably close to me soon. It said newbies welcome, and all guests must be verified, so I won't be putting myself down for that one.

I couldn't actually go on that date anyway, as am away at a festival that weekend.

Meet verified? If not might be worth popping in to chat rooms and getting webcam verified?"

That's a thought. I might just do that later. Thank you.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I've never been to one. I have't met anyone from here, so I have no veris. I often read that going to a social is a good way to get veris, so I had a look in the meets section.

There is a social reasonably close to me soon. It said newbies welcome, and all guests must be verified, so I won't be putting myself down for that one.

I couldn't actually go on that date anyway, as am away at a festival that weekend.

Wait you have to be verified to go to socials?

Oh no…

There’s my excuse sorted though."

To go to some. Not others. It's clearly advertised when the social is advertised.

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

"I've never been to one. I have't met anyone from here, so I have no veris. I often read that going to a social is a good way to get veris, so I had a look in the meets section.

There is a social reasonably close to me soon. It said newbies welcome, and all guests must be verified, so I won't be putting myself down for that one.

I couldn't actually go on that date anyway, as am away at a festival that weekend.

Wait you have to be verified to go to socials?

Oh no…

There’s my excuse sorted though."
Not all of them normally (.well in wales) they have smaller socials where u don’t have to be verified but it gives people a chance to meet others and get verifications .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've never been to one. I have't met anyone from here, so I have no veris. I often read that going to a social is a good way to get veris, so I had a look in the meets section.

There is a social reasonably close to me soon. It said newbies welcome, and all guests must be verified, so I won't be putting myself down for that one.

I couldn't actually go on that date anyway, as am away at a festival that weekend.

Wait you have to be verified to go to socials?

Oh no…

There’s my excuse sorted though.

To go to some. Not others. It's clearly advertised when the social is advertised. "

Sshhhhh.

You’re ruining my excuse.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I've never been to one. I have't met anyone from here, so I have no veris. I often read that going to a social is a good way to get veris, so I had a look in the meets section.

There is a social reasonably close to me soon. It said newbies welcome, and all guests must be verified, so I won't be putting myself down for that one.

I couldn't actually go on that date anyway, as am away at a festival that weekend.

Wait you have to be verified to go to socials?

Oh no…

There’s my excuse sorted though.

To go to some. Not others. It's clearly advertised when the social is advertised.

Sshhhhh.

You’re ruining my excuse."

Sorry

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

" Ah ok. I preferred it when it was published but if thems the rules fair enough.

GG xx"

I didn’t realise there was chat groups to be fair. I’ve missed the last couple. I wasn’t being awkward. Was just confused at the stalking thing. I’m sure there are reasons.

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By *rMrsBrightsideCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle

OP, it’s interesting to see how different people feel about socials so thank you for posting.

I usually attend socials with my husband but I went to the Manchester one in December on my own. I was only able to do this as I had some good fab friends going so felt comfortable going on my own. I have a lot of respect for single guys going on their own as it is a lot harder for them. I have to say although the largest social I have ever been to, it has been the most inclusive. Probably because a lot of the attendees are personalities you recognise from the forums so it’s easier to get talking to people.

With regards to being attracted to people, we honestly don’t go with any expectations. Quite often we find people are not what we expect or there is no one we are interested in other than as friends but they are a great opportunity to meet new and interesting people and we have made a lot of like minded friends through socials. We still have a flirt and some banter so we get enjoyment out of that.

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By *athyperkinsCouple
over a year ago

lifton

"Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T

Yeah I thought that when I heard about the name tag thing. I wouldn’t wear one. Not sure if it was a compulsory thing or not though.

It’s your Fab name not your real name

I know that

. Jesus I’m not that dumb!

Still wouldn’t

Agreed, Nora - fab name still a nope from me! T

As has been said multiple times, name tags were entirely optional!"

Yes I've seen and understand - just agreeing with Nora that I wouldn't want fab name on show either.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Personally, I don't think I'd ever go to one of these for the same reasons.

I know I'd pretty much end up on my own and be even more annoyed afterwards.

Plus, it's seems a very sociable social. With a lot of socialising. I'm not sure that's me. "

We could have sat quietly and practiced sarcasm. I’ve got sardonic down to a tee, apparently…

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Might sound odd but the thing that's freaked me out here is "name tags". That'd be a big no for me. I'd want to tell me name to whom I choose, if I choose. T

Yeah I thought that when I heard about the name tag thing. I wouldn’t wear one. Not sure if it was a compulsory thing or not though.

It’s your Fab name not your real name

I know that

. Jesus I’m not that dumb!

Still wouldn’t

Agreed, Nora - fab name still a nope from me! T

As has been said multiple times, name tags were entirely optional!

Yes I've seen and understand - just agreeing with Nora that I wouldn't want fab name on show either."

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By *he FAB Social - MCRCouple (FF)
over a year ago

manchester

" Ah ok. I preferred it when it was published but if thems the rules fair enough.

GG xx

I didn’t realise there was chat groups to be fair. I’ve missed the last couple. I wasn’t being awkward. Was just confused at the stalking thing. I’m sure there are reasons.

I think the fact that you haven’t seen it at the socials means GG & I handle it perfectly which is a great thing.

We wouldn’t want it to tarnish anyone’s night out x

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

We do not publish the guest list as we’ve been asked by so many not to as we’re aware of people ‘stalking’ others on the list and we don’t want to fuel this

Pixie

Stalking!

that’s a very strong word to use in context with a social event!

Strong maybe but so very accurate!

Pixie

Stalking as in proper stalking? I don’t understand.

Ah ok. I preferred it when it was published but if thems the rules fair enough. "

I agree with you

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By *he FAB Social - MCRCouple (FF)
over a year ago

manchester

"The Manchester social can be a tad daunting to newbies by the number of people who attend, and most of the crowd know one another.

I specifically went and sat with a lady who clearly looked like a fish out of water and I hope I made her feel a little more welcome after I introduced her to others too.

I saw a few *single* guys amongst the crowd but their shyness perhaps got the better of them.

Can I make a few suggestions to the OPs for the next one …..

Just because there are name tags doesn’t mean you have to wear it but what are you afraid of? If you dont tell people who you are someone sure as hell else will do it for you so why hide.

Just a thought ….

Some good suggestions there DC

Maybe newbies have a different colour name tag?? At dancing we give them a sticker so people make an effort to engage them "

Sorry (& DC) I seem to have missed this post as I scrolled through earlier. All good things to think about. Thank you. GG x

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Haven't had time to read every post and as some were quite specific about this particular event it's not relevant to anything I'm about to type anyway, but thought I'd give the OP (and anyone else) my 2p on the subject of 'socials'.

I've been to several over the years (although not for a loooong time!) and we even organised a forum social once at Xtasia. They've all been very different and yet in many ways the same.

The idea is that it's a chance to meet people face to face, chat and enjoy 'in person' interactions rather than virtual. Some events I've been to have been billed as 'forum socials' which tends to attract many forum regulars so there's often excitement about putting faces and bodies to fab profile names and discovering if real life personalities echo those you see online. Often they do. Sometimes they don't. And sometimes it's clear that the online persona is wildly different from the real person, which will always happen to some extent. You may also be surprised when you put a face and particularly a voice to someone you've only conversed with before over a keyboard. So it's natural to experience a few strange moments when you meet someone and they're not what you expected. You may be attracted more to their virtual self than the real person. Such is life! It doesn't mean they've been duping you or misleading you, nor does it mean they're not attractive - just not what you expected them to be.

Holding an event billed as a social puts ideas in people's minds before they've even arrived and even before they decided to go. The fact it's labelled as a social puts all thoughts of play, sex and any physical interaction to the back of people's minds. yet I've been to loads where there's been as much shagging going on as any normal club night, involving both people who already knew each other and new acquaintances. And this can also throw up issues if people feel left out of any physical fun going on, especially if they truly believed that socials were just that - purely social. I've seen people who appeared to get on like best buddies in the forums fall out because one didn't want to get naked with the other, despite months of online flirting. I've also seen people who appear to dislike each other online actually get on like a house on fire in person.

Socials can be daunting, despite everyone's best efforts. They can also be disappointing sometimes if you've built up a picture of what you expect an event and/or the people attending to be.

Much like a 1-2-1 social meet you've arranged via a message, the key is to go in expecting nothing, be yourself, try and be as sociable and pleasant as possible and don't beat yourself up if the night turns out differently to the idea you had before arriving.

And don't be put off going to another.

You wouldn't completely stop meeting other people just because one a social with someone didn't lead to anything, or you weren't attracted to them. So why do the same with mass gatherings?

Every event is another chance to meet new people. Don't let one disappointing night put you off.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Please remember it’s a completely different experience from single males, to single females.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

I’ll just add re the guest list being published, I’ve not been to a social where a list is published. You interact on the threads, with those that choose to make it known they are going or within chat groups, if one is created.

I issue one for the pre social but that is a lot smaller group to manage it. I send it personally to each attendee. It is specifically for the benefit of the newbies so they know who they are going to be interacting with.

Even then, both times the list is issued (when at capacity) over half will be gone come the week of the social. Even when sending the final list 2 days before, there is always another 6/7 missing come the day of the social and replacements added.

I cannot imagine doing that for a social the size of Manchester. It would be an admin nightmare, along where do you publish something that large.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I wouldn't want a badge with my username on in a public space.

Noted

A hat. I want a hat with BAD NANNA printed on it, just so I can have even more interesting conversations at the bar and try to come up with a reason why lots of people have gathered together having a party

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"I wouldn't want a badge with my username on in a public space.

Noted

Just tell them we are filming a sequel to bad grandpa /bad santa and we are the film crew

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"Haven't had time to read every post and as some were quite specific about this particular event it's not relevant to anything I'm about to type anyway, but thought I'd give the OP (and anyone else) my 2p on the subject of 'socials'.

I've been to several over the years (although not for a loooong time!) and we even organised a forum social once at Xtasia. They've all been very different and yet in many ways the same.

Socials can be daunting, despite everyone's best efforts. They can also be disappointing sometimes if you've built up a picture of what you expect an event and/or the people attending to be.

And don't be put off going to another.

You wouldn't completely stop meeting other people just because one a social with someone didn't lead to anything, or you weren't attracted to them. So why do the same with mass gatherings?

Every event is another chance to meet new people. Don't let one disappointing night put you off.

At my last social someone I chatted to was surprised when I told them who I was. They said "I always thought you were a bit of a cunt", and we laughed so much about it.

I am, obviously, but I have a funny side to me in person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At my last social someone I chatted to was surprised when I told them who I was. They said "I always thought you were a bit of a cunt", and we laughed so much about it.

I am, obviously, but I have a funny side to me in person.

I imagine this how it would go for me.

Only no laughing about it, because I’m just a cunt.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"No chance - I dislike large groups of people.

Fair play for giving it a try."

We can always have a small, intimate group of two

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

At my last social someone I chatted to was surprised when I told them who I was. They said "I always thought you were a bit of a cunt", and we laughed so much about it.

I am, obviously, but I have a funny side to me in person.

I imagine this how it would go for me.

Only no laughing about it, because I’m just a cunt."

Can't please everyone

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures

At the risk of hijacking the thread, can someone point me in the direction of the next social like this please.

There's precious few events I can give my new kilt a good airing and this sounds like one of them

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I like to go to socials to be sociable and meet people I've seen, or interacted with, on the forums.

I've never gone to see if anyone fuckable turns up.

I've talked to people and had a good rapport, but I wouldn't be bothered if I didn't want sex with anyone who went.

My apologies. I thought when you said

I can honestly say I didn’t really fancy anyone, which seems mad in a room full of 200 swingers, I thought you were upset that you wasn't dripping in pus....just kidding, but I did get the feeling you were down in the dumps for not finding a physical attraction amongst so many people.

Don't let it, or how you were treated put you off going to more socials. There has been a different ambience at all the ones I've attended.

Worse ways I've had a nice afternoon/evening out and had a few drinks in a nice place

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Before the thread ends can you explain why the title is imposter syndrome. I'm not getting it I'm afraid.

I am dim though

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"At the risk of hijacking the thread, can someone point me in the direction of the next social like this please.

There's precious few events I can give my new kilt a good airing and this sounds like one of them"

There's one in York this Saturday

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures

"At the risk of hijacking the thread, can someone point me in the direction of the next social like this please.

There's precious few events I can give my new kilt a good airing and this sounds like one of them

There's one in York this Saturday

A bit short notice unfortunately - is there a resource on this site for them so I can plan ahead?

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