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Feeling Numb

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A good friend of mine died on Wednesday - short battle with cancer, it was very aggressive. I honestly can’t believe she’s gone so soon.

Anyway. My mum died (February) in 2018, I cried buckets. My 17 year old cat died in the July of the same year, again I cried buckets. When my dog died 9 months later, there were no tears, nothing. It’s like I hit a brick wall. Last year an elderly friend died. Same thing, I feel so unemotional. I feel I should be crying, but I don’t, I don’t feel anything at all, except sadness.

I’ve read that this could be attributed to depression, but I don’t feel depressed. Should I see my GP about it? I don’t want to go on any medication for it unless there’s nothing else for it

Any suggestions? Anyone felt like this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a natural reaction when faced with a lot of grief to supress our emotions to protect ourselves. It becomes this feeling of numbness where you struggle to feel anything at all. It's usually a dangerous thing because eventually when you break, all that pent up emotion comes with it.

Absolutely speak with your GP OP, it's so important to look after yourself this way. Medication is often the last resort for GPs but they will give you all the options available to you. Counselling might be the best way forward but waiting lists can be a big issue. Sending love and hugs to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like you have been strong for too long.

A trip to the Dr won't hurt and they may suggest some counselling which might be of benefit...Sometimes we just need a little step.

In the meantime don't over asses yourself, just take care of yourself and feel what you feel

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By *anilla switchWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire

So sorry to hear your going through an awful time.

If you are soul searching about this, trust in yourself as you know yourself best.

Perhaps you may benefit from a call to grief/loss counsellor. A GP could refer you to someone but my guess is a long waiting list. Medication is always an option, a plaster to mask the problem but ultimately it is your choice.

Sending hugs x

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By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

Whatever you do ....

Don't judge yourself for how you feel.

Do things that make you feel good. These could be as simple as going for a walk, hard exercise, meditating, doing art, wanking. All good things to do.

Do keep speaking to people. They might not have the answers, but you articulating how you feel might help you find your own answers.

Best of luck with your future,

Gbat

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

I'm not a GP, a counsellor or psychologist, but from what you've described my rather uneducated guess on the matter is that due to being hit multiple times in short succession with grief you may be "all cried out" for lack of a better term? As in, there's still so much trauma that's still so recent that, as a defence mechanism, your ability to grieve / cry may have shut itself down. So it's like a subconscious thing or something?

Maybe try having a chat with your GP about it if you're worried. It may be something that just needs time, and somewhere down the line, something seemingly small or insignificant (by comparison) may trigger your grief again and you'll suddenly find yourself in floods of tears, as your body now deems it "safe" enough for that physiological response again. Or maybe consider having a chat with a counsellor about it? A lot do a free first session so you can feel around for someone who clicks with you, etc.

I wish you good luck and all the best going forwards!

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Call the docs and they can recommend some grief charities in your area to look at, also look at your local church as they have contacts to those charities as well x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry you got such bad news dealing with death isnt easy to say its the only thing we can guarantee in life i did similar after the 4th death i purged emotion and became very cold to people

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The non crying bit I have to deal with as I have Dry Eye Syndrome which is part of Sicca Syndrome - I literally have no tears, but it’s the no emotion bit that’s hard. I can sometimes muster up a few tears which then dry up… but they don’t come naturally anymore. Maybe I’ll watch a heavy tear jerker film & see if that can give me some release until the docs open again on Tuesday

Have a great Easter everyone xx

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters


"The non crying bit I have to deal with as I have Dry Eye Syndrome which is part of Sicca Syndrome - I literally have no tears, but it’s the no emotion bit that’s hard. I can sometimes muster up a few tears which then dry up… but they don’t come naturally anymore. Maybe I’ll watch a heavy tear jerker film & see if that can give me some release until the docs open again on Tuesday

Have a great Easter everyone xx"

You could also try music if you're after a release. I find sad / emotional music that resonates with me to be quite powerful.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

You said you felt sadness. That's feeling something. I'm not sure I understand your problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jess

Firstly, I'm very sorry for your losses.

I'm not surprised you are numb currently, i expect you are in shock and still processing her death in your head.

Personally i don't think you should be worrying about the 'expected' emotional response.... And i imagine that the grief will hit you at some point, possibly the funeral, but possibly much later. It doesn't mean you loved them less.

Sometimes writing a farewell letter to your friend can help with processing your feelings and being able to say the things that you would want to tell them.

It is important to be kind to yourself and give yourself space and time to come to terms with her death.

My heart goes out to you

midnight x

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Everybody grieves differently, it’s nothing to beat yourself up over. You may just be emotionally wrung out right now.

And if it was sudden then there is shock to deal with too. Be kind to yourself and remember your friend and grieve in your own way.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"Everybody grieves differently, it’s nothing to beat yourself up over. You may just be emotionally wrung out right now.

And if it was sudden then there is shock to deal with too. Be kind to yourself and remember your friend and grieve in your own way.

"

This is so true

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By *hunderace...Man
over a year ago

Dudley

Today it's been 21 months since my sons suicide, his mother (ex wife) took her life mother's day 3 weeks ago and I lost my Dad 16yrs next October.

There's no set way in how your grief should manifest itself, your mind is probably still in shock and sometimes this takes time to process.

Despite it being 21 months since my son passed I've only recently started taking grief counselling, there's help out there for those who need it.

Time and talking will help OP...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Today it's been 21 months since my sons suicide, his mother (ex wife) took her life mother's day 3 weeks ago and I lost my Dad 16yrs next October.

There's no set way in how your grief should manifest itself, your mind is probably still in shock and sometimes this takes time to process.

Despite it being 21 months since my son passed I've only recently started taking grief counselling, there's help out there for those who need it.

Time and talking will help OP...

"

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"A good friend of mine died on Wednesday - short battle with cancer, it was very aggressive. I honestly can’t believe she’s gone so soon.

Anyway. My mum died (February) in 2018, I cried buckets. My 17 year old cat died in the July of the same year, again I cried buckets. When my dog died 9 months later, there were no tears, nothing. It’s like I hit a brick wall. Last year an elderly friend died. Same thing, I feel so unemotional. I feel I should be crying, but I don’t, I don’t feel anything at all, except sadness.

I’ve read that this could be attributed to depression, but I don’t feel depressed. Should I see my GP about it? I don’t want to go on any medication for it unless there’s nothing else for it

Any suggestions? Anyone felt like this? "

Sadness is an emotion, you're not unemotional.

I can't say if you're depressed or not but the fact that you're considering seeing your GP suggests to me that it might be worth considering.

This isn't about me obviously but my mum died six weeks ago. I haven't cried much, I'm sad but I had the opportunity to close my business with her and I honestly feel that some grief is too sad for years. I've not wanted to see anybody except close family and people I hardly know, I don't want to have to conform to the idea my (very well meaning) close friends have of how I should be grieving. So, don't put pressure on yourself to express your grief in a certain way or to a certain time scale, it's a very personal thing.

Best wishes to you.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

*too sad for tears

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Today it's been 21 months since my sons suicide, his mother (ex wife) took her life mother's day 3 weeks ago and I lost my Dad 16yrs next October.

There's no set way in how your grief should manifest itself, your mind is probably still in shock and sometimes this takes time to process.

Despite it being 21 months since my son passed I've only recently started taking grief counselling, there's help out there for those who need it.

Time and talking will help OP...

"

So sorry about your losses. We, my friend and other friends, had a friend from school who took her own life in 2007. I guess it’s brought back her death too. X

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