FabSwingers.com forum: Rejection message

By *eerise OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester and that's all you need to know

If someone doesn't appeal to me I send them this message below...what message do you send them?

"Thanks very much for taking the time to message me but unfortunately you don’t match what I’m looking for on this site.

Good luck with your search anyway happy swinging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I reply,

Sorry, no thanks. Good luck on the site x

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

Just to get a message or two... I'll pm you both... :-

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I think its decent of you to at least take the time to reply. X

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

usually,

'you have no verififications, no pictures and im going to need more than a "hello xx" to accept your friend request. Mind send ing me a face pic at all?'

Usually has them running for the hills

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A nice reply saying your not intersted would be good. But seeing messages just deleted we think is a little rude..

Manners cost nothing...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone doesn't appeal to me I send them this message below...what message do you send them?

"Thanks very much for taking the time to message me but unfortunately you don’t match what I’m looking for on this site.

Good luck with your search anyway

happy swinging

Thunk I'll use this in future

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

I always say "Thanks for the message and the joke. Sorry you're not my type. Happy swinging xxx" Never had a nasty reply back and only once or twice had a why back which I've ignored

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We send " thanks for the mail but no thanks.have fun and good luck" we think its only manners to send a reply.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I have stopped replying as it then leaves the door open for some unless I block at the same time. At least not replying means they get the 'stop think!' message when they send another message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A nice reply saying your not intersted would be good. But seeing messages just deleted we think is a little rude..

Manners cost nothing..."

Totally agree but I suppose women and couples do get inundated with messages. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone doesn't appeal to me I send them this message below...what message do you send them?

"Thanks very much for taking the time to message me but unfortunately you don’t match what I’m looking for on this site.

Good luck with your search anyway happy swinging

I don't reply and don't expect a reply.

A non reply tells me all I need to know.

I personally think that your message blurs the boundaries between polite and patronising, but have no doubt that many will disagree with me.

Replying to all messages is just another variable on fab for which there is no right and no wrong approach or method.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A nice reply saying your not intersted would be good. But seeing messages just deleted we think is a little rude..

Manners cost nothing..."

As admin have said its not rude to reply just take it as a no thanks think I will stick with what I do after all why should I spend my time to reply to some people who havnt taken the time to read my profile. Oh and seeing as how my profile is hidden why should I reply to people who can't possibly know what I do or don't want

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks but your not what I am looking for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just don't reply lol

I'm the women men start all the threads about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just don't reply lol

I'm the women men start all the threads about

And me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just don't reply lol

I'm the women men start all the threads about

And me

You're just Trouble (and with a capital 'T')

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just don't reply lol

I'm the women men start all the threads about

And me

You're just Trouble (and with a capital 'T')

Moi , Bussy you know I'm an angel

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"If someone doesn't appeal to me I send them this message below...what message do you send them?

"Thanks very much for taking the time to message me but unfortunately you don’t match what I’m looking for on this site.

Good luck with your search anyway happy swinging

I don't reply and don't expect a reply.

A non reply tells me all I need to know.

I personally think that your message blurs the boundaries between polite and patronising, but have no doubt that many will disagree with me.

Replying to all messages is just another variable on fab for which there is no right and no wrong approach or method."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its nice when you get a no thanks shows they value people "treat others how you'd like to be treated" and all that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a single guy I understand why I don't get rejection messages as I'm sure people would spend all their time sending them out so I don't mind. But getting a rejection message shows that at least someone has taken the time to have a look at your profile and pic. I always send a "thanks for getting back and have fun" message when I get one

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

I usually just reply with...

BOAKKK!!!

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By *nvictusMan
over a year ago

Beeston

I reply:

"This is not the meet you are looking for..."

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By *AGNARXXVMan
over a year ago

ormskirk

The ones i hate say" Thanks for message but were not meeting at present" but still got it all over profile want to meet !! JUST SAY NO THANKS!! im a big boy i wont spit my dummy out for god sake

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By *eerise OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester and that's all you need to know

"If someone doesn't appeal to me I send them this message below...what message do you send them?

"Thanks very much for taking the time to message me but unfortunately you don’t match what I’m looking for on this site.

Good luck with your search anyway happy swinging

I don't reply and don't expect a reply.

A non reply tells me all I need to know.

I personally think that your message blurs the boundaries between polite and patronising, but have no doubt that many will disagree with me.

Replying to all messages is just another variable on fab for which there is no right and no wrong approach or method.

Which part of my message do you find patronising???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone doesn't appeal to me I send them this message below...what message do you send them?

"Thanks very much for taking the time to message me but unfortunately you don’t match what I’m looking for on this site.

Good luck with your search anyway happy swinging

I don't reply and don't expect a reply.

A non reply tells me all I need to know.

I personally think that your message blurs the boundaries between polite and patronising, but have no doubt that many will disagree with me.

Replying to all messages is just another variable on fab for which there is no right and no wrong approach or method.

Which part of my message do you find patronising???"

pretty much all of it

if you are gonna reply at all, (i think) it's much better leaving it at 'no thanks'

basically what your message is saying is either :

a) i don't fancy you, or

b) there is something i don't fancy about you

c) there is something in your profile i find unattractive

so, why fluff it up ?

further, why leave it open to a reply

most people (and i am assuming we are talking about men here), won't leave a polite reply at that

it can only lead to messages asking 'why ?' or hoping to change your mind and i should imagine it then leads to blocks or awkward conversations or just general mithering and arm chancing.

the way the wording reads it's all nicey nicey without actually getting to the point which is you aren't interested

if i got that message i'd think the sender was worried about upsetting me or offending me because i couldn't take a knock back from them.

that i find patronising.

sorry, if i've gone on, but you did ask

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By *eerise OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester and that's all you need to know

"If someone doesn't appeal to me I send them this message below...what message do you send them?

"Thanks very much for taking the time to message me but unfortunately you don’t match what I’m looking for on this site.

Good luck with your search anyway happy swinging

I don't reply and don't expect a reply.

A non reply tells me all I need to know.

I personally think that your message blurs the boundaries between polite and patronising, but have no doubt that many will disagree with me.

Replying to all messages is just another variable on fab for which there is no right and no wrong approach or method.

Which part of my message do you find patronising???

pretty much all of it

if you are gonna reply at all, (i think) it's much better leaving it at 'no thanks'

basically what your message is saying is either :

a) i don't fancy you, or

b) there is something i don't fancy about you

c) there is something in your profile i find unattractive

so, why fluff it up ?

further, why leave it open to a reply

most people (and i am assuming we are talking about men here), won't leave a polite reply at that

it can only lead to messages asking 'why ?' or hoping to change your mind and i should imagine it then leads to blocks or awkward conversations or just general mithering and arm chancing.

the way the wording reads it's all nicey nicey without actually getting to the point which is you aren't interested

if i got that message i'd think the sender was worried about upsetting me or offending me because i couldn't take a knock back from them.

that i find patronising.

sorry, if i've gone on, but you did ask

Thank you for your reply and as you may not have noticed everyone is different and have different ways of saying no thank you.

It seems you may have amnesia as you have said you never send a reply so your advise of sending a no thanks will not be taken on board.

Have a good morning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you for your reply and as you may not have noticed everyone is different and have different ways of saying no thank you.

It seems you may have amnesia as you have said you never send a reply so your advise of sending a no thanks will not be taken on board.

Have a good morning

That was what I said in my opening thread - that there is no right and no wrong.

If it works for you, then great, carry on, I was offering but one angle on how it may be perecived.

As for the comments on not relying, again I was offering by way of example an alternative, not a definate.

But your response to that was to play with my words - as people will do with yours !

I am not attempting to be contentious, merely honest in answering a direct question from yourself.

You will find in The Forums that, should you choose tp publish them, people will challenge your ideas and not take them as read. I'd get used to it.

Hope the remainder of your morning is great too

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

you could just threaten them with a shovel in the knackers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On our couple profile....

We usually reply "READ our profile" to find why you are not suitable, had you done so you would not have bothered messaging.

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By *eerise OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester and that's all you need to know

[Removed by poster at 26/10/12 11:40:20]

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By *eerise OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester and that's all you need to know

"On our couple profile....

We usually reply "READ our profile" to find why you are not suitable, had you done so you would not have bothered messaging.

I used to write that, tee hee

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

"On our couple profile....

We usually reply "READ our profile" to find why you are not suitable, had you done so you would not have bothered messaging.

My profile says I will block and delete if they haven't read it, if I bothered sending replies back to all those who didn't read it, I'd never do anything else - my block list has it's own server apparently

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bussy makes a very good point, but I write a similar message to the Op, especially when someone appears to have taken the time to read my profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

If its a message thats worth replying to I tailor what im saying to what they have sent me

I don't reply to everyone

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"On our couple profile....

We usually reply "READ our profile" to find why you are not suitable, had you done so you would not have bothered messaging.

Do you find that replying in that way provokes a negative reaction back to you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually just say "sorry not for me, have fun " but sometimes get snotty messages back you can't like everyone lol

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

If its someone who clearly hasn't read my profile and are miles out of my age range etc then they just get deleted along with the 'fancy a fuck' or 'hello' idiots who can't be bother to write a decent message.

But if its someone who's taken the time to send a message and not a cut n paste one then I will take the time to reply and if they are not what I'm looking for will say I'm not looking for new meets at the moment! I figure that way I'm to offending anyone by saying I'm just not interested!!

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

"Bussy makes a very good point, but I write a similar message to the Op, especially when someone appears to have taken the time to read my profile. "

We send a very similar 'no thanks' message to the OP too.

Had never considered that some may find it patronising till reading this thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally think that your message blurs the boundaries between polite and patronising, but have no doubt that many will disagree with me.

Yeah I'm one of the many... of course your reaction is probably a good indication of why most of us can't even be arsed.

Damned if ya do, damned if ya don't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here is my usual reply:

Thanks for the message. However I am not interested in whatever you may have to offer.

To prevent future contacts and wasting each others time and efforts, I shall block you.

And then I block.

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By *eerise OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester and that's all you need to know

I personally think that your message blurs the boundaries between polite and patronising, but have no doubt that many will disagree with me.

Yeah I'm one of the many... of course your reaction is probably a good indication of why most of us can't even be arsed.

Damned if ya do, damned if ya don't"

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By *eerise OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester and that's all you need to know

"Here is my usual reply:

Thanks for the message. However I am not interested in whatever you may have to offer.

To prevent future contacts and wasting each others time and efforts, I shall block you.

And then I block.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually ignore the message and if they contact me again I block them.

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By *wanzMan
over a year ago

Swansea

Personally - I'd rather recieve ANY form of acknowledgement - even if its a brief 'not for us'

When I get messaged by unsuitables/non-compatibles I think it only polite to reply with a quick line ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bussy makes a very good point, but I write a similar message to the Op, especially when someone appears to have taken the time to read my profile.

We send a very similar 'no thanks' message to the OP too.

Had never considered that some may find it patronising till reading this thread. "

Its not patronising in the slightest.

If people take it that way, who cares. You've been nothing but polite in taking the time to reply and if whoever receives it can't appreciate that and move on, then block them but you've done your bit.

You can't please everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here is my usual reply:

Thanks for the message. However I am not interested in whatever you may have to offer.

To prevent future contacts and wasting each others time and efforts, I shall block you.

And then I block.

I'm curious, why do you use the word 'whatever' in your message. That suggests you don't read them, you probably gets loads so I don't blame you but in which case, why bother replying?

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By *eerise OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester and that's all you need to know

"Bussy makes a very good point, but I write a similar message to the Op, especially when someone appears to have taken the time to read my profile.

We send a very similar 'no thanks' message to the OP too.

Had never considered that some may find it patronising till reading this thread.

Its not patronising in the slightest.

You can't please everyone."

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

best i got was "not in a million years"

thought 'well thats a bit of forward planning'

lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The main points have already been hit upon but I agree with the patronising or the lie about not meeting. Just because some guys handle rejection badly doesn't mean we all do.

As for suggesting a copy and paste reply. I find that kind of ironic considering people go on about guys sending copy and paste messages.

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

It's a shame Fab can't add a "No thanks" link which would reply as the OP mentions. Minimal coding. Minimal effort to decline...

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

I also add a private note (think it's only for site supporters) to say I've indicated I'm not interested...it is funny when I get another message a few weeks later - I tend to reply "Sorry, still not interested!!!"...after the 3rd attempt, I'll block them

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By *issBehavingxxWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I also add a private note (think it's only for site supporters) to say I've indicated I'm not interested...it is funny when I get another message a few weeks later - I tend to reply "Sorry, still not interested!!!"...after the 3rd attempt, I'll block them

I use that too. It's great, cause I'd never, remember everyone I've replied to already otherwise

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By *issBehavingxxWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"It's a shame Fab can't add a "No thanks" link which would reply as the OP mentions. Minimal coding. Minimal effort to decline..."

I'd bet money if we had something like that... the threads moaning about getting deleted without reply, would just be replaced by threads moaning about getting deleted with just an autoreply

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By *issBehavingxxWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"It's a shame Fab can't add a "No thanks" link which would reply as the OP mentions. Minimal coding. Minimal effort to decline..."

I'd bet money if we had something like that... the threads moaning about getting deleted without reply, would just be replaced by threads moaning about getting deleted with just an autoreply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A nice reply saying your not intersted would be good. But seeing messages just deleted we think is a little rude..

Manners cost nothing...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I say thanks for the message but not for me thanks, I usually block them then as some can get really arsey

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

"I say thanks for the message but not for me thanks, I usually block them then as some can get really arsey "

Didn't think I was that bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's a shame Fab can't add a "No thanks" link which would reply as the OP mentions. Minimal coding. Minimal effort to decline...

I'd bet money if we had something like that... the threads moaning about getting deleted without reply, would just be replaced by threads moaning about getting deleted with just an autoreply

Exactly - an auto reply no thanks is the same as not replying at all

I disagree that not replying is rude - writing to someone who states what they want and you are something totally opposite and then complaining about not getting a reply is rude lol

I don't reply because I think that they can write to you again even if blocked if you have messaged them (I may be wrong) x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/10/12 15:42:32]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My message reads: Thanks but not for me, Happy Fabbing!

Sometimes they do respond saying thanks for the response or, what particular don't you like about me, once i made the mistake of going to a bit more detail then he became very rude so now

However I will only send a response to those that have read my profile- the others i just delete, what the point of messaging someone a million miles away?

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

I think the OP's message is very polite, probably too polite for some of the messages I am sure she has received.

I dont mind being ignored, I suppose you get used to it on fab.

I do feel aggrieved though when i find myself blocked for saying something nice about a picture or a comment on a profile.

But hey there are alsorts on fab, so good luck and happy swinging Leerise.

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By *oublewodkaWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

[Removed by poster at 26/10/12 16:05:26]

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By *oublewodkaWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Like a previous poster says....sometimes it leaves the door open to them x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to reply to all the messages but it takes up a lot of time and a lot of the messages I get are of the 'nice pics, fancy a fuck, variety and they always just get deleted.

If I like the look of a single guy I will reply saying that we're not looking for single guys at the moment but may well contact them in the future when we are but a lot of them persist to message every other day asking if we're looking for a guy yet - they end up getting blocked I'm afraid.

I think our profile is pretty specific about what we want and it is extremely rare for us to meet a single guy on his own but tbh I don't think anyone reads it

Maybe its too long lol

L xx

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By *eerise OP Woman
over a year ago

Manchester and that's all you need to know

Some men send me messages saying

"If your interested please send me a line so we can make arrangement's to meet"

So I delete the message as I'm not interested then they send me a follow up message saying

"I've noticed that you have deleted my message"....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On our couple profile....

We usually reply "READ our profile" to find why you are not suitable, had you done so you would not have bothered messaging.

Do you find that replying in that way provokes a negative reaction back to you?"

No we don't. But then it gets sent to the "chancers", so I doubt they would be at all upset by it.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I used to type a tactful message. Now I just say no thanks x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here is my usual reply:

Thanks for the message. However I am not interested in whatever you may have to offer.

To prevent future contacts and wasting each others time and efforts, I shall block you.

And then I block.

I'm curious, why do you use the word 'whatever' in your message. That suggests you don't read them, you probably gets loads so I don't blame you but in which case, why bother replying?

If I cite only one reason why I am not interested, he may come back and say he has this and that to offer instead.

Hence in the inclusion of the word "whatever", so as to leave no doubt I am not interested.

I seldom get messages as I am not searchable.

And I don't usually respond, just go straight to block if it is clear that the sender of the unsolicited message has not read any of my profile.

They are usually those who stroll in after the pubs have closed, or the house is quiet as the wife/partner is asleep, or mobile users.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A nice reply saying your not intersted would be good. But seeing messages just deleted we think is a little rude..

Manners cost nothing..."

I agree totally there. A respectful thank you for looking at our profile but we don't want to pursue it further doesn't take much effort.

If they message after that again I do go for the block button though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you for your interest in our profile, but as we don't want to waste yours or our time, we feel it's better to tell you now that we don't think we'd be compatible xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone doesn't appeal to me I send them this message below...what message do you send them?

"Thanks very much for taking the time to message me but unfortunately you don’t match what I’m looking for on this site.

Good luck with your search anyway happy swinging

I wish everyone was as polite.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I send a similar message as the OP if I wish to reply. There are times I don't.

I do not intend it to be patronising, nor do I have a crystal ball to divine how it will be accepted.

I'm just polite and well mannered in all walks of life, how the recipient accepts/interprets the reply is up to them, I've done my bit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's rare that guys refuse the advances of a woman on here but I hold my hand up and say I have. If someone's not for me, I politely tell them I'd rather lay on my arm for an hour and then have a wank x no seriously just a sorry you're not for me. Have fun message is usually sent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone doesn't appeal to me I send them this message below...what message do you send them?

"Thanks very much for taking the time to message me but unfortunately you don’t match what I’m looking for on this site.

Good luck with your search anyway happy swinging

"
Thankyou for your message and Best wishes in the future here on fab! Happy swinging. Regards S&B

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Some men send me messages saying

"If your interested please send me a line so we can make arrangement's to meet"

So I delete the message as I'm not interested then they send me a follow up message saying

"I've noticed that you have deleted my message"....

I get that. Or 'so you're not interested then?' Erm, no?

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

"If someone doesn't appeal to me I send them this message below...what message do you send them?

"Thanks very much for taking the time to message me but unfortunately you don’t match what I’m looking for on this site.

Good luck with your search anyway happy swinging

I don't reply and don't expect a reply.

A non reply tells me all I need to know.

I personally think that your message blurs the boundaries between polite and patronising, but have no doubt that many will disagree with me.

Replying to all messages is just another variable on fab for which there is no right and no wrong approach or method."

I agree bussy but the lady is new think after 6 months perhaps her message will be shortened to two words ..

I warn that cock pics/avatars will result in delete no reply .cant be bothered if they cant.

But hey ho all to their own i guess,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally - I'd rather recieve ANY form of acknowledgement - even if its a brief 'not for us'

When I get messaged by unsuitables/non-compatibles I think it only polite to reply with a quick line ..."

Agreed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I reply in a similar vein to their message. I reply to most mails as 99% of the time I'm not searchable so only get a couple of unsolicited mails a week, so it's not a big issue.

I really can't understand why people don't just go looking for what they want rather than sit waiting for people to contact them... and then complaining about all the mail they get.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

I tend to reply with a message saying that we are not looking for the same things and most of the time that is the end of it. Sometimes people come back and ask why not, sometimes I will reply to a second message but if it does not stop there I have learnt it is best not to encourage further communication so I stop. Personally I only block people when they have caused me upset so I do not have many on my block list.

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By *he-Hosiery-GentMan
over a year ago

Older Hot Bearded Guy

"If someone doesn't appeal to me I send them this message below...what message do you send them?

"Thanks very much for taking the time to message me but unfortunately you don’t match what I’m looking for on this site.

Good luck with your search anyway happy swinging

Personally, I think that response is fine. I'm struggling to see how it can be interpreted as being 'patronising', in any way, whatsoever.

But, that's just me

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