FabSwingers.com forum: Questions, Questions, Questions

By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

Last weekend I went to meet a guy i've recently been seeing. We have met on and off since before Christmas. Just for sex. Last weekend he invited me over for dinner and movie. All went well, as the evening went on and we were on his bed watching a film he leant over and we started making out. We remive most of our clothes. Within about ten minutes he said "I'm sorry, I can't get it up"

I said that it didn't matter and it was fine. Not to worry about it. I went to the bathroom as i needed a wee, but thought also it would give him a couple of minutes to potentially sort himself out. Get his head straight.

When I got back he had put his underwear back on. We kissed a little more and he cuddled into me and then went to sleep. The following morning I made a hood effort abd acted like nothing had happened the night before.

When I got home the next day I text him and thanked him for the meal he cooked, he apologised for what happened, I said it didn't matter and that I would like to see him again. He didn't reply so I left it till the next day and sent another message. Still no reply from him. We would usually send a couple of messages every day so this is unusual for him.

I guess I'm wondering did I do something wrong? Does he not find me attractive? Should I leave it and see if he replies, or send him another message?

Can't tell if he's not interested or just embarrassed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hes likely embarrassed by it

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

He’s not that into women?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Green arrow. I’m a bit confused tbh.

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By *asty tatsyMan
over a year ago

london

"Hes likely embarrassed by it"

I would say his probably embarrassed by it

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Hes likely embarrassed by it"

I agree.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Ask him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s likely that he’s just mortified by it all, and highly embarrassed, but you did all the right things and he probably just needs time because you can be sure he’s probably more scared about it happening again (and again) than worried about is happening once.

Or, and harsh as it seems (but you did bring it up), he might just not have been feeling it, and may not really be interested any more. I know that the only time I had a similar thing, it was when I really didn’t want to be there any more (and surely enough I never was again, and it never happened again)

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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

"Hes likely embarrassed by it"

That's what I am hoping

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"Ask him."

This, it's good to talk .. really ... when he's ready to of course

There can be many reasons why these things happen to men .. things going on in life etc ... don't over think it ... just ... be there as you have been ... don't act as if something has changed ... if that makes sense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you Annie?

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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

"He’s not that into women?"

He used to be

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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

"Green arrow. I’m a bit confused tbh. "

???

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By *othicslaveCouple
over a year ago

Norfolk

"Hes likely embarrassed by it

I agree. "

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

It's a bit of a head fuck. Could be many reasons. Unless you can read minds you'll never know unless you can get him to open up (even if the reason is something you may not like). Of course you can't make him open up and as by the sounds of it because it's to some extent a casual relationship he may not feel like you have that level closeness (no offence, I dont know how close or compatmentalised you both are). But if it's a good enough thing you have going to try saving, my only advise would be (if he does ever reply) to create an environment/opportunity for open disclosure. Not a guaranteed you'll get that or truth, granted But I think a better option for long term results than sweeping it under carpet.

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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

"Ask him."

I can't when he won't reply to me

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Ask him.

I can't when he won't reply to me

That's a shame, as this will play on his mind and yours too.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

If hasn't replied to any messages you've sent already, leave the ball in his court. Otherwise you'll just come across as desperate/needy x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Last weekend I went to meet a guy i've recently been seeing. We have met on and off since before Christmas. Just for sex. Last weekend he invited me over for dinner and movie. All went well, as the evening went on and we were on his bed watching a film he leant over and we started making out. We remive most of our clothes. Within about ten minutes he said "I'm sorry, I can't get it up"

I guess I'm wondering did I do something wrong? Does he not find me attractive? Should I leave it and see if he replies, or send him another message?

Can't tell if he's not interested or just embarrassed.

"
speaking as a man. Im guessing his confidence was knocked, and thought you would be disappointed. And he probably doesn't want it happening again, his ego might be getting in the way of messaging you

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By *ighty_tightyMan
over a year ago

Norfolk/Suffolk

Embarrassed, disinterested, busy.

To be honest there's a million and one reasons.

You've tried, he hasn't replied. It really is up to him now.

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By * U mineMan
over a year ago

Fun

He needs a friend, if the lady would mail me then we could discuss making him jealous.

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By *oubleswing2019Man
over a year ago

Colchester

"He needs a friend, if the lady would mail me then we could discuss making him jealous."

That's an awful idea.

Poor fella is probably feeling quite low already due to lack of performance and suggesting that you and the lady attempt to "make him jealous" is completely appalling.

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By *inx.x3Woman
over a year ago

Bath

He’s probably mortified but he’s being a bit of a Twat if he’s ignoring you just because he couldn’t get it up and he’s embarrassed about it.

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By *uffolkClareClactonDaveCouple
over a year ago

Felixstowe/Clacton-on-Sea

He's embarrassed. He needs to understand that it happens to most of us at some point.

It really isn't a big deal and the more he worries about it the more pressure he'll put himself under next time.

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By *uffolkClareClactonDaveCouple
over a year ago

Felixstowe/Clacton-on-Sea

He's embarrassed. He needs to understand that it happens to most of us at some point.

It really isn't a big deal and the more he worries about it the more pressure he'll put himself under next time.

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

Embarrassed, and it will get worse if he doesn’t deal with it.

Men’s heads are annoyingly fragile for all sorts of reasons, and he needs to overcome this with your understanding and lack of pressure (for which I applaud you)

When you two are relaxed, and just chilling, things will be ok and he’ll realise it’s just a blip.

Almost every man will understand it. There’s sometimes a strange moment in our heads which says ‘Oh shit, it’s not playing tonight!’, and that’s the end of play. It’s nothing to blame the lady for, and the less attention drawn to it the better… because it’ll sort out when the pressure is off. The blue pill won’t help matters, either, in these circumstances.

I hope this makes sense.

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

"He's embarrassed. He needs to understand that it happens to most of us at some point.

It really isn't a big deal and the more he worries about it the more pressure he'll put himself under next time."

Yeah, you said it more succinctly

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

He might be stressed and needing some time out.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

In the end you have to move on. It's annoying but sometimes we don't get answers and we have to be ok with that or drive ourselves crazy.

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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago

Milton keynes

Likelihood the reason could be he's embarrassed by it and it's knocked his confidence. Only thing you can do is just wait and see if he replies soon. Hope the issue gets resolve soon though

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

There's something on his mind lovely, give him some time and support where you can as you already are

Just remember if this is something he cannot come back from, please don't over think it. Closure is not always attainable x

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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

"It’s likely that he’s just mortified by it all, and highly embarrassed, but you did all the right things and he probably just needs time because you can be sure he’s probably more scared about it happening again (and again) than worried about is happening once.

Thanks. Really helpful answer and some good points.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

He's embarrassed.

I've had similar when playing at clubs or parties on a couple of occasions to the point that I will not play at club's or parties anymore.

It's gotten into my head now and no matter how horny and turned on I am my man servant will not respond.

I'd say leave him alone.

He knows your ok with it but honestly the more you go on the worse it will get for him.

Also he may be on medication that is causing it.

Looking at your pictures I'd say it's almost definitely not you.

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

He may have freaked a little by the change in MO. If it has previously just been sex and last time felt like a date his mind may have been spinning towards "what ifs" for the direction of your relationship. Especially if he isn't ready for that kind of step.

Hopefully you can begin communicating to resolve things

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By *unnerbenMan
over a year ago

Dublin / Cork

He had probably done the aul “there’s something about Mary” trick and fired off the gun before your arrived so as not to blow too quick and then couldn’t re load quick enough . I’d say just embarrised in all reality though and I’m sure he is into women and you or else wouldn’t of met numerous times

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A) He realised he’s gay, he now sucks dick for tangfastics.

B) he doesn’t like you anymore.

C) he’s a shit cunt.

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By *ood Girl KatWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

Easier said than done to not worry, but it's up to him to reach back out when he's ready.

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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

"Ask him.

This, it's good to talk .. really ... when he's ready to of course

I'm open to talking about it as soon as he is ready too. I tried to act as normal after it happened and the following morning. Even in my text messages. I guess I should just wait and see if he replies.

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By *oah VailMan
over a year ago

Dover

"He may have freaked a little by the change in MO. If it has previously just been sex and last time felt like a date his mind may have been spinning towards "what ifs" for the direction of your relationship. Especially if he isn't ready for that kind of step.

Hopefully you can begin communicating to resolve things

I think it’s got too “involved” for him. There’s a good chance he’ll make his excuses and disappear.

Or just disappear.

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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

"He's embarrassed.

I've had similar when playing at clubs or parties on a couple of occasions to the point that I will not play at club's or parties anymore.

It's gotten into my head now and no matter how horny and turned on I am my man servant will not respond.

I'd say leave him alone.

He knows your ok with it but honestly the more you go on the worse it will get for him.

Also he may be on medication that is causing it.

Looking at your pictures I'd say it's almost definitely not you."

Thanks

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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

"In the end you have to move on. It's annoying but sometimes we don't get answers and we have to be ok with that or drive ourselves crazy."

Very true

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By *aughty_Smooth_OperatorMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Maybe his thinking damm it I forgot to buy the Viagra this time round

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By *lectrumMan
over a year ago

south shields

He’ll be in touch when his erection returns don’t worry

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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

Hopefully you can begin communicating to resolve things

I think it’s got too “involved” for him. There’s a good chance he’ll make his excuses and disappear.

Or just disappear. "

You could be right. He had invited me to stay over and that would be the first time I stayed so maybe it got a little to real for him.

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Hopefully you can begin communicating to resolve things

I think it’s got too “involved” for him. There’s a good chance he’ll make his excuses and disappear.

Or just disappear.

You could be right. He had invited me to stay over and that would be the first time I stayed so maybe it got a little to real for him."

If he gets back in touch it could be worth addressing. If you are happy with the "just sex" option then make that clear. If you liked the date thing too then say. Just making each other aware of where your comfort limits are is a good start.

Wish you well with this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You didn’t leave your toothbrush there did ya?

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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

"You didn’t leave your toothbrush there did ya?"

No I didn't

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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

"It's a bit of a head fuck. Could be many reasons. Unless you can read minds you'll never know unless you can get him to open up (even if the reason is something you may not like). Of course you can't make him open up and as by the sounds of it because it's to some extent a casual relationship he may not feel like you have that level closeness (no offence, I dont know how close or compatmentalised you both are). But if it's a good enough thing you have going to try saving, my only advise would be (if he does ever reply) to create an environment/opportunity for open disclosure. Not a guaranteed you'll get that or truth, granted But I think a better option for long term results than sweeping it under carpet. "

Thanks. Some good advice

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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

"He needs a friend, if the lady would mail me then we could discuss making him jealous.

That's an awful idea.

Poor fella is probably feeling quite low already due to lack of performance and suggesting that you and the lady attempt to "make him jealous" is completely appalling."

Have to agree. There's no way I could do that

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By *uitednbooted2Man
over a year ago

Berkshire

It could be any number of reasons OP most of which have been mentioned above. However I will say this, a guy’s responsibility for getting an erection is his alone not yours. There are many reasons I guy may fail in that area but it is his responsibility to sort out not yours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You say you only meet for sex with this guy, but then say you went over for dinner and a movie. Sry but that sounds more like dating, so I'm confused. More confused as if it's just sex and sex never took place why are you trying to establish why he never performed. Me thinks the plot has thickened and perhaps he doesn't want a relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jumping in again , when I went through a very long cheating spell , many many years, I only had sex with someone for very short periods of time, then I got bored and used all sorts of excuses to end it , but never saying it, wife was onto us, not in the mood, changing jobs, blah de blah, he might just be married and it's time to bail, I know I done it various ways for years

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By *heekyGent44Man
over a year ago

Northwich

"Hes likely embarrassed by it

That's what I am hoping

So this guy has seen you before and I'm assuming you have had pretty amazing sex.

And now his real life brain is starting to take over from his Fab brain as he thinks, Wow, this could be a little bit more. So dinner, a movie, absolutely perfect......

But then he's trying so hard for everything to be perfect that the "other brain" fails!

Poor bloke went into that night dreaming of what could happen with a stunningly beautiful woman. Then his whole masterplan fell apart because he couldn't perform. He's mega embarrassed, really pissed off with himself and his pride and ego are crushed.

The more beautiful the woman, the more the desire to perform, the more pressure and the failure, so don't take it to heart and see what happens in time xx

And keep writing your amazing stories Fiona x

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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

"You say you only meet for sex with this guy, but then say you went over for dinner and a movie. Sry but that sounds more like dating, so I'm confused. More confused as if it's just sex and sex never took place why are you trying to establish why he never performed. Me thinks the plot has thickened and perhaps he doesn't want a relationship. "

Yah we both meet for sex when we can and both still see other people as agreed. That particular night was the first time I stayed and he was the one who invited me over.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

I had this happen, really liked the guy. I think he was just too embarrassed, which was a shame. I still enjoyed his company, sex or just a fumble!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100 percent he is ??, worst thing is to keep talking about it, if it was a one off, could have and probably has happened to most men be by drink,recreation drugs or steroids.

If it becomes a more frequent event then a chat to his gp ,but it's highly unlikely its you that's the issue. To be blunt ,men being men they get an errection seeing a hairy brush in a DIY shop.

But it will definitely matter, to him 100 percent

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

Send one more text after a few days and leave it at that.

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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

"Hes likely embarrassed by it

That's what I am hoping

So this guy has seen you before and I'm assuming you have had pretty amazing sex.

And now his real life brain is starting to take over from his Fab brain as he thinks, Wow, this could be a little bit more. So dinner, a movie, absolutely perfect......

But then he's trying so hard for everything to be perfect that the "other brain" fails!

The more beautiful the woman, the more the desire to perform, the more pressure and the failure, so don't take it to heart and see what happens in time xx

And keep writing your amazing stories Fiona x"

Thanks

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By *iona OP Woman
over a year ago

outskirts

"Send one more text after a few days and leave it at that."

I was thinking I'd send him one this evening and see if he replies.

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