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Your best dad jokes

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hit me with them please

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By *erverseintentionsMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'll ask him when he gets back .. he went to get ciggies 20 years ago..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

5/4 people admit to being bad with fractions.

two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks

Whats brown and sticky? a stick

what was the name of the emperor penguin? Julius Freezer

RIP boiled water. You will be mist.

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show i've ever seen.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"5/4 people admit to being bad with fractions.

two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks

Whats brown and sticky? a stick

what was the name of the emperor penguin? Julius Freezer

RIP boiled water. You will be mist.

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show i've ever seen.

"

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

Him: ‘I was going to tell you a joke about my cock, but it’s too long’

Her: ‘That’s a coincidence. I was going to tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man with no arms and legs?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Him: ‘I was going to tell you a joke about my cock, but it’s too long’

Her: ‘That’s a coincidence. I was going to tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it’"

That did make me laugh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

an invisible man married and invisible woman. the kids where nothing to look at either.

I've just been diagnosed as being colour-blind. I know, it certainly came out of the purple to me.

You can't have a nose 12" long, otherwise it would be called a foot..

I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. she seemed surprised

I told my doctor that I had broken my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I bought a thesaurus the other day and when I got home and looked at it every single page was blank, I have no words to say how upset I am

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The inventor of the Velcro has died.

RIP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a girl with tiles on her

head?

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...

Lady Astor is blaming me for ruining her birthday, which is utterly ridiculous, I didn't even know it was her birthday.

Winston

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By *axx82Man
over a year ago

Gloucester

[Removed by poster at 03/04/22 09:00:43]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

My dog ate some scrabble tiles the other day, and now he’s leaving me little messages all over the house.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When my grandma died, I had her cremated and put her ashes in a trophy that said "World's Best Grandma."

She urned it.

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...

have a fear of speed bumps. I’m slowly getting over it.

I have a fear of elevators, but I’ve started taking steps to avoid it.

Winston

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

Dad, are we pyromaniacs?

Yes, we arson.

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By *unfriends1976Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

I farted in a lift once

It was wrong on so many levels

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By *yronMan
over a year ago

grangemouth

Do mascara and lipstick ever argue? Yes, but then they do make up.

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

Before I left for music college, my dad said to me: “Remember, it’s better to have lobsters in your piano, than crabs on your organ.”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I met the chap who invented window sills yesterday.

What a ledge.

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By *yronMan
over a year ago

grangemouth

I was wondering why this frisbee kept looking bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?

Fucks funny.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I was attacked by a bloke with a power tool last night, there I was minding my own business and then BOSCH

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

What do you call a field of cows that are all masturbating?

Beef strokin’ off.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me to night!

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...

My son asked why the Star Wars movies came out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3.....

I answered in my best Yoda voice; "in charge of scheduling, I was"

Winston

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

The odds of curing an eating disorder through religion are slim to nun.

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...

Lady Astor just moaned that I hadn't listened to a single word she'd said.

I thought, thats a weird way to start a conversation

Winston

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Lady Astor just moaned that I hadn't listened to a single word she'd said.

I thought, thats a weird way to start a conversation

Winston"

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By *ndrewmanc777Man
over a year ago

salford

I used to be a Werewolf but im all right Nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 for price of 1

My grief counsellor died last week....she was so good i did not give a shit

...

Got mugged by 6 dwarves last night....not happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Btw...so forgot to say if anyone wants a double entendre i will give them one

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted.

I've lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

Dad: "Son, if you keep wanking you're going to go blind."

Son: "Dad, I'm over here."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where do you take a cow on a date?

The mooooooovies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My housemates are convinced our house is haunted.

I've lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange."

I went to a haunted bed and breakfast in France. I left.

The place was giving me the crepes.

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By *erverseintentionsMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Kobe Bryant . The only African American male to take his child when he left.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My housemates are convinced our house is haunted.

I've lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

I went to a haunted bed and breakfast in France. I left.

The place was giving me the crepes."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone stole my trainers and hi vis the other day.

I thought you can run but you can’t hide

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Someone stole my trainers and hi vis the other day.

I thought you can run but you can’t hide "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

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By *uperjackMan
over a year ago

Bristol

If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler."

A clown held a door open for me today, I thought, “that’s a nice jester”

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink…

No one listened, but he kept warning them until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the cinema.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

A man is washing the car with his son. The son asks…

“Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”

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By *erverseintentionsMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm not saying your a slag .but even your underwear says "next"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What cheese camouflages a horse in the fridge?

Mascarpone

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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

I hear Brighton is not good for bread...

but Hovis

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By *uperjackMan
over a year ago

Bristol


"If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.

A clown held a door open for me today, I thought, “that’s a nice jester”"

An unemployed jester is nobody’s fool.

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By *uttyjonnMan
over a year ago

SEA


"If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.

A clown held a door open for me today, I thought, “that’s a nice jester”"

The clown at the fair got sacked, they are suing for funfair dismissal

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

I’ve spent the afternoon re-arranging the furniture in Dracula’s house. I was doing a bit of Fang-Shui

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...


"If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.

A clown held a door open for me today, I thought, “that’s a nice jester”

The clown at the fair got sacked, they are suing for funfair dismissal "

I tried to blow a clown once, tasted funny.

Lady Astor

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a dog with no tongue??

Scruffy bollox

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By *erverseintentionsMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Why don't Mexico have an Olympic team ?

Because anyone who can run jump or swim is already across the border .

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.

A clown held a door open for me today, I thought, “that’s a nice jester”

The clown at the fair got sacked, they are suing for funfair dismissal

I tried to blow a clown once, tasted funny.

Lady Astor

"

Two cannibals are eating a Clown. One says to the other...

“Does this taste funny to you?”

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By *ealthy_and_HungMan
over a year ago

Princes Risborough, Luasanne, Alderney

i just completed a jigsaw after 6 long hard months. i'm really chuffed with myself though because it said 3-5 years on the box.

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By *heLaserGuyMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Her : if you were my husband I'd poison your coffee.

Him: if you were my wife I'd drink it

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By *WDomMan
over a year ago

Taunton

Why did the chicken cross the road?

- to get to the idiots house.

Knock knock

-who’s there?

The chicken

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By *herri and her ChapstickCouple
over a year ago

stevenage

Oh my god! This has my husband all over it ffs lol

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By *ocusMan
over a year ago

Cambridge

What did the slug say to the snail?

“Big Issue sir?”

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What did the slug say to the snail?

“Big Issue sir?”"

If a snail says he's not home, he's definitely lying!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

Why is six afraid of seven?

Seven is a registered six offender.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

My wife caught me wanking off to an optical illusion. I told her it’s not what it looks like.

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

I recently came into a bunch of money. I usually use paper towels.....

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

Husband: “Tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

Wife: “Your dick is much bigger than your brother’s.”

Goodnight you have been a wonderful audience.....

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...

My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex.

They’re his watch dogs.

Winston

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex.

They’re his watch dogs.

Winston"

I saw a sign in a shop window that said "Watch batteries fitted, £2.50."

I thought “Why would anyone pay to see that?”

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...

A man found a magic lamp with a genie that offered him three wishes.

The man said, “For my first wish, I’d like to be rich.”

“Okay, Rich,” said the genie. “What would you like for your second wish?”

Winston

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...


"My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex.

They’re his watch dogs.

Winston

I saw a sign in a shop window that said "Watch batteries fitted, £2.50."

I thought “Why would anyone pay to see that?”"

Winston

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

I've got a dyslexia fetish.

It makes my spine stiff.

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...

What's the leading cause of dry skin?

Towels.

Winston

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

A mosquito’s father became a divorce lawyer. He was already a bloodsucking parasite, all he needed was a briefcase......

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Why should I pay for rechargeable batteries, that have no power?

Surely there's no charge.

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By *ocusMan
over a year ago

Cambridge


"What did the slug say to the snail?

“Big Issue sir?”

If a snail says he's not home, he's definitely lying!

"

Properly loled at that

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What did the slug say to the snail?

“Big Issue sir?”

If a snail says he's not home, he's definitely lying!

Properly loled at that "

A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

People are up in arms about the building of a new crematorium. Apparently it’s a burning issue..

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Why did the princess never marry? She preferred a series of one-knight stands..

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By *areToShareCouple
over a year ago

Bingham

My wife complained I never buy her flowers.

To be fair, I didn't know she sold flowers!

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I actually heard a really good dad joke the other day, and instantly thought of you!

I forgot which joke it was though...

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

What plant is best positioned between 2 slices of bread?

A cheese plant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What happens if a cow drinks her own milk?

It comes in at one end and out of the udder.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I actually heard a really good dad joke the other day, and instantly thought of you!

I forgot which joke it was though... "

It makes me happy you thought of me in that context

It makes me sad that you forgot

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By *hedark_knightMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

What did one wall say to the other wall?

Meet me in the corner.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *al kalMan
over a year ago

london

How does a computer get d*unk?

It takes screen shots..

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

I went to the doctor and said ‘Doc, yesterday I woke up and I thought I was a wigwam. Then this morning I woke up and thought I was a Teepee’.

He said ‘ I know exactly what’s wrong with you. You’re two tents’.

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...

I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation.

I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.

Winston

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they’re really good at it.

Why do elephants paint their balls red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

What is the loudest sound in the jungle?

Giraffes eating cherries.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

The world's loudest masturbator has just been apprehended by police...

But he won't cum quietly.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you do if you see a herd of elephant's cumming over a hill.

Swim for it

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

North West

How do you know there's an elephant in your fridge?

There's footprints in the butter.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you find in a snooker table that you also find in a man's trousers?

Pockets.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

What's Forrest Gump's computer password?

1forrest1

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By *nselfishpleaserMan
over a year ago

kent


"Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they’re really good at it.

Why do elephants paint their balls red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

What is the loudest sound in the jungle?

Giraffes eating cherries. "

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

What's E.T. short for?

Because he's only got little legs!

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

Struggling to think of what to buy someone for Christmas?.....

Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Q who's your favourite vampire

A the one on sesame Street

Q he doesn't count

A I think you'll find he does

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.

Winston

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ndtheswingersMan
over a year ago

colchester

Have you seen the new corduroy pillow cases?

They are making headlines

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *unhoneyCouple
over a year ago

Huddersfield

What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea ?

You wouldn't pay £50 to have a lentil on your face would you !

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *unhoneyCouple
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Disneyland divorce court judge, "Mickey you can't divorce Minnie just because she's got big teeth"

Mickey, "I didn't say she had big teeth, I said she was fucking Goofy"

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By *xploring2getherCouple
over a year ago

Desborough

William Shakespeare walks into a pub... the barman shouts, "Oi! You! You're Bard!"

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By *unhoneyCouple
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Why shouldn't you take the piss out of a dwarf with a learning difficulty ?

Because it's not big and it's not clever !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why shouldn't you take the piss out of a dwarf with a learning difficulty ?

Because it's not big and it's not clever ! "

I had a dwarf do some unpaid work for me...he always wanted paying under the table.

Also used to play poker with him but stopped...he always had a huge chip on his shoulder

#2for1tuesday

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.

Winston"

I came.second in a winston churchhill lookalike.competition.....i was close but no cigar

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Which type of bees produce milk?……

Boobies!!

D.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just back from my positivity course....it was shit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent…

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"People are up in arms about the building of a new crematorium. Apparently it’s a burning issue.."

Yeah, them NIMBYs and their placards that say "Over my dead body!"

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"Which type of bees produce milk?……

Boobies!!

D."

38 Bs does a good job too.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Why is the Ester Bunny white?

It's not a bunny: it's an Artic Hare, that'll explain the Easter snowfalls.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *reamblueMan
over a year ago

London

What do you call a vampire with big shoulder blades?

Count Scapula

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A father is teaching his boy how to pee in the toilet.

"OK son", he says. It's as easy as counting to 5.

1. Pull down your pants.

2. Pull back your foreskin.

3. Pee in the toilet.

4. Put your foreskin back.

5. Pull up your pants.

From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seal walked into a club.

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By *al kalMan
over a year ago

london

My ex once asked if they were the only one in my life.

I said yes.

The rest have been 9's or 10's.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Went past a school the other day and on a sign post it said SLOW CHILDREN i thought that cant be good for they self esteem

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

Lad on holiday in Thailand..after a few days texts his mate back home

Saying weather here is just like your mam ..40 and hot

How's things doing back home..?

Mate texts back weather here just like your sister 18 and wet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I asked my girlfriend if I was the first man she'd ever slept with. She said you will be if I fall asleep.

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

My mate asked if I wanted to go for a gin.....

Not sure where he was but I ended up spending hours in the forest looking for food

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I spent last night shooting down flying saucers

I'm going out now to sweep up a mountain of sherbet

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By *udley hotwife86Couple
over a year ago

DUDLEY

What does the horny toad say ?

Rub it rub it

What happened to the man who slipped on a bra ?

He fell into a booby trap

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By *lceeWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Why did the tomato blush?

.

.

.

.

.

Because he saw the salad dressing!

Still the greatest joke ever told.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just so everyone is clear, I'm going to put my glasses on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why can’t you do stocktakes in Afghanistan?

Because of the Tally ban

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I keep my guitar in the car now

It’s great for traffic jams

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cant belive how much my glasses weigh . Stepped on scales this morning said 13 stone , put my glasses on it said 18

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found Batman shampoo in the shop the other day but I couldn’t believe they didn’t have conditioner Gordon

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By *tevecabra7Man
over a year ago

cabra

3 men in an attic which 1 works for the army ?

The 1 in the tank ??

What you call a homeless Italian man ?

Giovanni change ??

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By *al kalMan
over a year ago

london

100 years ago most people rode horses and the rich droves cars.

Nowadays most drive cars and the rich ride horses.

How the stables have turned……

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Beach Boys walk into a bar.

“Round?”

“Round...”

“Get a round?”

“I’ll get a round...”

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By *eniandMikeCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

What do you call a bad boxer who’s dad has the shits????

A slap happy chappy way a crap happy pappy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the pornstar and ghostbuster say to their girlfriend?

Bustin makes me feel good.

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By *an from UncleMan
over a year ago

ml1

Woman says to obnoxious guy, if I was married to you I would feed you poison

Guy says if I was married to you I'd take it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Disney have announced plans to produce their first porn film, focusing on group sex and coprophilia. It's to be titled Pretty Shitty Gang Bang.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For most of my life, I've helped people when they needed help. But do they call me Blair the helper? No.

For most of my life, I have given money and time to charity, but do they call me Blair the charitable? No.

Yet, just once, you shag one sheep....

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By *andy and DannyCouple
over a year ago

Barnstaple


"What do you call a girl with tiles on her

head?"

roof ? Lol

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"What does the horny toad say ?

Rub it rub it

What happened to the man who slipped on a bra ?

He fell into a booby trap

"

This is now a gift card. Just search for Spike Miligan: booby trap/WW II joke.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"Disney have announced plans to produce their first porn film, focusing on group sex and coprophilia. It's to be titled Pretty Shitty Gang Bang."

Actually it's their second. Their first one was a live action film starring David Mac Pullin and the film was called Wanker in the Woods.

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By *ony tunnelMan
over a year ago

birkenhead

Mary had a little lamb,the doctor died of fright.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"Mary had a little lamb,the doctor died of fright."

Mary had a little lamb,

The doctor died of fright.

It had nothing to do

With the fact

That she was called

The shepherds' delight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and ultimately I'm perfect!

Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

I was in the loo on the train this morning having a shit. Suddenly, a voice called out: "Can I see your ticket, please?"

"Not right now." I replied, "I'm having a shit."

"I don't believe you" Said the voice, "slide it under the door."

"No probs" I replied, "the yellow bits are sweetcorn..."

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent


"I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and ultimately I'm perfect!

Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces."

I’m saving that

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

I've just put all my old dogging equipment up for sale on eBay.

I haven't had any bids yet, but I've got 12 watchers.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've just put all my old dogging equipment up for sale on eBay.

I haven't had any bids yet, but I've got 12 watchers."

Love it, stole it

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

That would make a brilliant (Range) Rover advert.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you ever tried to catch a fog?

I tried yesterday but I mist…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Used to be addicted to swimming but gave it up.....happy to say i have been dry for two years now

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

My 6-year-old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill.

Looks like she's preparing some kind of

barbie queue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The most horrible building in our town was the VD clinic. When it was torn down, everyone was clapping.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still, no eye deer.

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By *usiclover84Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

I can't believe how much the price of bouncy castles has gone up by since last year. That's inflation for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still, no eye deer. "

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls?

Still, no fucking, eye deer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's a new restaurant opening up on the high street called Karma. There isn't a menu, you just get what you deserve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still, no eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls?

Still, no fucking, eye deer."

What do you call a legless, copulating, eyeless deer.

Still, fucking, no eye deer

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

My boat got sunk by a storm at anchor but I’m not harbouring any bad feeling about it..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you believe I was thrown out of my church for claiming Jesus spoke with a lisp.

It was a real slap in the faith

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I asked my girlfriend if I was the only one she had been with.

She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My friend was in hospital recently and for a while it was Touch and Go. Luckily hes been moved off the premature ejaculation ward now!

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still, no eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls, comatose after supping a shedload of Swedish vodka?

Absolut-ly, still, no fucking, eye deer.

What do you call a legless, copulating, eyeless deer.

Still, fucking, no eye deer

"

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By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

One that you girls can use for a reply to some of your undesirable messages:-

You remind me of a woodpecker without a break.... A head banger.

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By *r SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle

What do you call a shoe made of a banana?

A slipper!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls, comatose after supping a shedload of Swedish vodka?

Absolut-ly, still, no fucking, eye deer.

"

Still, absolut-ly, no fucking, eye deer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son asked me, “dad, when should I use a condom?”

I replied, “every conceivable occasion.”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls, comatose after supping a shedload of Swedish vodka?

Absolut-ly, still, no fucking, eye deer.

Still, absolut-ly, no fucking, no eye deer "

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

There is a sign in the village of Condom, France that tells people leaving the village to please-come-again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is a sign in the village of Condom, France that tells people leaving the village to please-come-again."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've got a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My doctor said that I might die because I accidentally consumed clay.

I’m shitting bricks to be honest.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"My doctor said that I might die because I accidentally consumed clay.

I’m shitting bricks to be honest."

If you drank liquid cement, you would have just been stöned,

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

I was going to write a book about online rabbit holes, but I'll do it just after this YT video.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Started the new whiskey diet....lost 3days already

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By *he AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara


"Hit me with them please "

Quote,,

I 2 was a man trapped inside a womans body,,

But then I was born....

Chuck Norris.

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures

I used to be addicted to doing the hokey y

luckily I managed to turn myself around

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures

When I was a kid my dad got fired from his road building job for theft.

I refused to beleive it, but the signs were there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate street performers.

But then again I’m a mime artist, so I can’t talk.

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