FabSwingers.com forum: Judgey judgey

By *wist my nipples OP Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Is judging others always bad?

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless it was a contest I think it is.

People do things for a reason even if they are unaware of that reason.

You can either choose to ignore it or become curious about the deeper reason why. Not to judge but to understand

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

No. I think there's a negative connotation attached to it but I think we all, to varying degrees, judge people. It doesn't mean we discuss it, shame people or whatever else. It does mean that we make snap judgements on reading something, viewing etc.

We judge whether it's safe to cross the road, judge how much water we need in a kettle for a cup of tea. Judging isn't the big evil.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No. I think there's a negative connotation attached to it but I think we all, to varying degrees, judge people. It doesn't mean we discuss it, shame people or whatever else. It does mean that we make snap judgements on reading something, viewing etc.

We judge whether it's safe to cross the road, judge how much water we need in a kettle for a cup of tea. Judging isn't the big evil. "

But is this judging or having a bias?

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Everyone judges others no matter what they say,everyone does in one way or another.

It's how they react to others I find more important. Some people especially on here and the internet in general like to think their opinion is the only one that matters and seem to take joy in attacking others whom they don't agree with especially if they have other people backing them up. I think that says more about anyone than judging others.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

No. Judging on sight is what people call instinct.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

It's only perceived as bad when the person being judged is receiving negative judgement

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

We judge whether it's safe to cross the road, judge how much water we need in a kettle for a cup of tea. Judging isn't the big evil.

But is this judging or having a bias? "

A bias? Well yes, if a fondness for staying alive or having a full hot drink is a bias, it's definitely not judging.

No, that's a rather glib response. I think our bias can play in to our judging but I don't think it's a bias. We all form judgements, in my mind. It doesn't have to be a bad thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is judging others always bad?

Mrs TMN x

Not if you're a judge.

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By *ausageNmashCouple
over a year ago

Andover

Amazes me how many sanctimonious people there can be on a swinging site

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By *wist my nipples OP Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Amazes me how many sanctimonious people there can be on a swinging site

Why's that?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

We judge whether it's safe to cross the road, judge how much water we need in a kettle for a cup of tea. Judging isn't the big evil. "

Mmmmmmm I'd say those are more akin to estimates than judgements.

Part of the prob here is that no one defined judgement so we can use it anyway we feel like.

Here cum da jurrrrrdge !

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Amazes me how many sanctimonious people there can be on a swinging site

Bless you my sausage. Hallowed be thy mash......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all judge people and have our own views/experiences with them. Making a judgement at face value is okay, what's not okay is forming an opinion based on others views. Also anyone who judges someone based on sex, race, class, appearance etc needs to have a serious look at who they are as a person.

It's natural to judge, we all do it. But never use that judgement to attack, put people down or boost your own ego.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

We judge whether it's safe to cross the road, judge how much water we need in a kettle for a cup of tea. Judging isn't the big evil.

Mmmmmmm I'd say those are more akin to estimates than judgements.

Part of the prob here is that no one defined judgement so we can use it anyway we feel like.

Here cum da jurrrrrdge !"

TMN has left it open to our interpretations so we answer it based on our views on the word. Let's say we go with a dictionary definition - an opinion or estimate formed (that way my tea/road reference is still valid).

It could boil down to semantics but I think there's a general shared understanding of what's meant. Maybe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But never use that judgement to attack, put people down or boost your own ego. "

You can't have any fun these days.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I demand a jury trial

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Nope I judge. Do I impose my judgement onto others no. Unless they are being cunts of course...then it just slips out

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Meli ! I haven't quoted you for fear of summoning the wrath of the thread length Gods. ....

I don't think you wiggled out of the 'estimate' v 'judgement' argument very well

I'm going to give a short answer to the O.P. cos i'm cleaning the oven...... one thing leads to another n all that.

We all judge. We judge every single thing, every single second of every single day. It's how we survive ( or not ) in any given situation.

I seldom get into conversations with people who say they don't judge ( unless I know the person ) because those who are adamant that they don't judge, tend to be using the word in place of something more suited. They are really saying they treat others as they wish to be treated. They don't reach conclusions based on intangible nuances such as clothes , manners, wealth, diet , body shape etc...... I expect when they are burgled they will not judge the person who desecrated their security at all .... they will simply love them and show them the right road. ( my tongue was so far in my cheek it came out of my ear )

My eyes and ears are the tools that inform my brain... I judge before I can even see someone - then judge further on sight .... then other 'tools' come into play and we decide if it's safe to stay in the company of others ( fuck me.. this is too long ) Don't you judge me!

It isn't wrong to 'judge' in this sense. It IS wrong to 'judge' if we are using subconscious biases to allay our fears and wrongly labelling another when so little is known of them ....

The oven calls so I'll just say to everyone ......

Judge Wisely.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

B.T.W.....

A few months back TMN asked a Q about judgement and I said I don't tend to judge others and TMN went ......

Mwahhhhhh haaaaaaaaa haaaaaa lol haaaa hooooo Mwahhhhhh

I mean .... ffs......judgey judgey judgey!

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Hell yeah I do all the time. Just not in public.

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By *wist my nipples OP Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"B.T.W.....

A few months back TMN asked a Q about judgement and I said I don't tend to judge others and TMN went ......

Mwahhhhhh haaaaaaaaa haaaaaa lol haaaa hooooo Mwahhhhhh

I mean .... ffs......judgey judgey judgey!"

You got me Granny!

It comes up so frequently, I'm fascinated by different takes on it.

However...

You have somewhat spoiled my fun by defining judgement.

Consider yourself judged harshly. By me.

Mrs TMN

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Is judging others always bad?

Mrs TMN x

Depends what you do with that judgment I guess.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Meli ! I haven't quoted you for fear of summoning the wrath of the thread length Gods. ....

I don't think you wiggled out of the 'estimate' v 'judgement' argument very well

I'm going to give a short answer to the O.P. cos i'm cleaning the oven...... one thing leads to another n all that.

We all judge. We judge every single thing, every single second of every single day. It's how we survive ( or not ) in any given situation.

No, I didn't. Stuck a dictionary definition in (I mean it did mention estimates...) and hoped for the best. Only you could get away with calling me out on that.

You're right though Granny. We all do judge. It sounds nice when we say we don't.

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By *wist my nipples OP Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Don't judge me"

"I don't judge anyone"

Is it actually that we only welcome or feel safe to admit to positive judgements?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all do it whether we admit to it or not. Best we can hope for is to keep it in check and not be too much of an arse with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Don't judge me"

"I don't judge anyone"

Is it actually that we only welcome or feel safe to admit to positive judgements? "

You know that show Judge Rinder?

Well I did and now he's blocked me on Twitter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all judge everyday, we form options and conclusions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's how we navigate life, every decision we make has a judgement within it. Most are done instantly with little thought about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We all judge people and have our own views/experiences with them. Making a judgement at face value is okay, what's not okay is forming an opinion based on others views. Also anyone who judges someone based on sex, race, class, appearance etc needs to have a serious look at who they are as a person.

It's natural to judge, we all do it. But never use that judgement to attack, put people down or boost your own ego. "

Omg YES. Exaclty my thought

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

Op Short answer - yes but only insofar as the judged agree.

By the loose definition of 'evaluation' we all 'judge' pretty much from birth. We learn by observing, processing and applying in new situations. The bit that seems to be missing from this discussion (and the common root of the word) is about power. To judge or to be a Judge, was and is to be in a situation where you can affect or impose consequences on someone who is being judged. In most circumstance we lend the power to individuals (be they legal or spokespeople) to act on our behalf, and we expect those people to be impartial and empirical - none of which really applies to Fab.

However Fab forumites do give their *opinions*, and some clearly hope to persuade or cajole others into believing and acting upon them (and wanting to be seen as a moral arbiter), made more powerful when a consistant narrative develops across posters (collective judgement). That can still mean sod all if the recipient says "Yah boo sucks to you"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm judging all of you with my judgey eyes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haven’t read the thread.

There is judgement and there is discernment, and there’s a difference between the two.

We all have judgemental thoughts, they pop into our head without warning or forethought, however having the thought is not the problem, it’s what you do with it that counts.

The thought can be reframed, looked at from another angle or told to bugger off for being a little bitch.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"Haven’t read the thread.

There is judgement and there is discernment, and there’s a difference between the two.

We all have judgemental thoughts, they pop into our head without warning or forethought, however having the thought is not the problem, it’s what you do with it that counts.

The thought can be reframed, looked at from another angle or told to bugger off for being a little bitch. "

Or we can remain firm on the thought we've formed.

There's nothing wrong with that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Haven’t read the thread.

There is judgement and there is discernment, and there’s a difference between the two.

We all have judgemental thoughts, they pop into our head without warning or forethought, however having the thought is not the problem, it’s what you do with it that counts.

The thought can be reframed, looked at from another angle or told to bugger off for being a little bitch.

Or we can remain firm on the thought we've formed.

There's nothing wrong with that "

Yes, maybe, depends what it is I guess

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Making judgements based on evidence isn’t bad. If someone shows themselves to be a racist is it bad to judge that person? I don’t think so.

Prejudging, though, is bad in my opinion. Nothing to do with the fact that we do it or that it happens. But I personally don’t think prejudging is good regardless of whether those judgements are good or bad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Don't judge me"

"I don't judge anyone"

Is it actually that we only welcome or feel safe to admit to positive judgements? "

I don't understand the "don't judge me" whine.

People are allowed to judge. People are allowed to have opinions.

Life is not always positive. No matter how 'perfect' a person thinks they are, someone will judge. Whether the £20 million they gave to charity wasn't enough, or if they are wearing a onesie to go shopping.

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