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Swinger/poly/cuckold/ENM - what's that all about?

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

I have learned a lot about different types of relationships - including my own! - from the fab forums over the past few years.

I've also seen folk making assumptions or judgements with no understanding or insight into what they're talking about. This can often lead to offence being taken, people becoming defensive, and nobody gaining anything.

I hope this thread can give folk a space to ask questions about different relationships without fear of "getting it wrong" and for people to explain what works for them, and why, in the spirit of sharing

Cos for me, sharing is fun!

Mrs TMN x

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

I'll start - we started with the classic "looking for a bi female to explore my bi side" but realised pretty quickly that wasn't really our bag. First time we tried a threesome with another guy was a different story. Over time this has developed into more of a hotwife dynamic - I meet men alone and send pics and vids to Mr TMN, or sometimes he comes too. He just loves seeing me enjoying myself sexually and tells me he feels a certain pride in "showing me off".

Ask away if there's anything you want to know! I'll shut up now.

X

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Well this went well...

Anyone?

Mrs TMN x

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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough / Stamford

Throwing our thing in here...we've been swinging since we first got together, the result of Char having her own BDSM life that I didn't really want to get into, so after discussions we ended up here.

We sort of swing between HotWife and Stag/Vixen, though I much prefer the HotWife dynamic as it makes me feel less like I'm driving it.

Think we've found our feet and know our way around the lingo, though seems there's some phrase or word every day that I have to research, still

(Bry)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve completed knowledge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm still not sure I understand the difference between hot wife and stag/vixen. Both in how it looks and the underlying emotions.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

On Holibobs

This is quite common, especially when the people in those dynamics only believe that their way fits the label and cannot/don't want to see from another's mindset. This leads to Newbies starting into the dynamic thinking that they are not right because one way is being illustrated to them.

Good thread lovely x

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"I'm still not sure I understand the difference between hot wife and stag/vixen. Both in how it looks and the underlying emotions. "

I was wondering myself what the stag/vixen thing was x

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

Hey OP!

Why wasn't exploring with a bi woman your bag?

Does Mr TMN ever want a bit of tit for tat kind of thing? You know, sitting at home, twiddling his thumbs, getting bored... do you ever feel guilty/worry that it's a very vagcentric dynamic?

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

I don't fully understand the difference between transgender / transvestite & cross dresser, I'll pop what I think and then people can tell me if I'm wrong, also which pronouns should be used when addressing them

Transgender - i think transgender is someone is living as a different sex to their birth, be they pre or post op, or have no plans for surgery as it's my understanding not everyone chooses to undergo surgery. Pronouns if in doubt ask but I'd usually be guided by how they dress

Cross Dresser - I think is someone who likes to dress as the opposite sex occasionally but may have no wish for this to be a permanent thing - pronouns again I guess ask but again I'd probably be guided by outfit, ie if they were dressed as a female I'd refer to them as her

Transvestite - this is the one I definitely feel I have no understanding of, my feeling is that it's similar to a cross dresser

I hope I don't cause any offence asking or if my understanding is incorrect, but this felt like a safe space to get better educated

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

So I've just read this:

In the widest sense, a hotwife is a wife that has sexual relations with men outside of her marriage with the knowledge of her husband. These lifestyle marriages tend to focus on the wife and her extramarital relations, often meaning that the husband is faithful to his hotwife, not having any relations outside of the marriage. This is more common in a cuck/hotwife dynamic than in a stag/vixen relationship.

A Stag/Vixen relationship is a subset of Hotwifing. Typically, this implies that the Stag (husband) is actively involved in all aspects of her extramarital relationships. This may include playing with her and her extramarital partners (MFM or FFM, etc.). The defining aspect of a Stag, is that he is not interested in any way in the humiliation part of the hotwife dynamic x

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

I have a ENM (ethical non monogomy) lifestyle. Polyamorous if you like.. The terms don't matter to me.

Essentially, I choose intimate/romantic/sexual partners who are also open to more than one intimate connection. Ie not monogamous. Everyone has to be aware and on board for clarity and respect. Honesty and transparency.

Although I have loving, committed partnership, I am free to explore connections with others whether they be platonic, sexual, romantic, casual, long term, short term. I am agreeabe to my partners having the same liberty. We do not impose on each other how to conduct our choices. At the sane to e we hold each other in high regard.

We do have good communication and boundaries which are agreed with care and respect.

I choose to have one to one partnerships and am open to what is present between us.

hope that explains a bit of my poly/ENM world

X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have a ENM (ethical non monogomy) lifestyle. Polyamorous if you like.. The terms don't matter to me.

Essentially, I choose intimate/romantic/sexual partners who are also open to more than one intimate connection. Ie not monogamous. Everyone has to be aware and on board for clarity and respect. Honesty and transparency.

Although I have loving, committed partnership, I am free to explore connections with others whether they be platonic, sexual, romantic, casual, long term, short term. I am agreeabe to my partners having the same liberty. We do not impose on each other how to conduct our choices. At the sane to e we hold each other in high regard.

We do have good communication and boundaries which are agreed with care and respect.

I choose to have one to one partnerships and am open to what is present between us.

hope that explains a bit of my poly/ENM world

X "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I've just read this:

In the widest sense, a hotwife is a wife that has sexual relations with men outside of her marriage with the knowledge of her husband. These lifestyle marriages tend to focus on the wife and her extramarital relations, often meaning that the husband is faithful to his hotwife, not having any relations outside of the marriage. This is more common in a cuck/hotwife dynamic than in a stag/vixen relationship.

A Stag/Vixen relationship is a subset of Hotwifing. Typically, this implies that the Stag (husband) is actively involved in all aspects of her extramarital relationships. This may include playing with her and her extramarital partners (MFM or FFM, etc.). The defining aspect of a Stag, is that he is not interested in any way in the humiliation part of the hotwife dynamic x"

I never saw HW as having humiliation. I like the male interaction part as being a differentiation.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I just like having sex with a man, sometimes 2.

I've always wondered how poly people find the time to have more than 1 close intimate relationship as well as the other practicalities of life- work, friends, hobbies etc and children...if one coupling decide to have children, how do they negotiate that?

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"So I've just read this:

In the widest sense, a hotwife is a wife that has sexual relations with men outside of her marriage with the knowledge of her husband. These lifestyle marriages tend to focus on the wife and her extramarital relations, often meaning that the husband is faithful to his hotwife, not having any relations outside of the marriage. This is more common in a cuck/hotwife dynamic than in a stag/vixen relationship.

A Stag/Vixen relationship is a subset of Hotwifing. Typically, this implies that the Stag (husband) is actively involved in all aspects of her extramarital relationships. This may include playing with her and her extramarital partners (MFM or FFM, etc.). The defining aspect of a Stag, is that he is not interested in any way in the humiliation part of the hotwife dynamic x

I never saw HW as having humiliation. I like the male interaction part as being a differentiation. "

I didn't either x

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

On Holibobs


"I just like having sex with a man, sometimes 2.

I've always wondered how poly people find the time to have more than 1 close intimate relationship as well as the other practicalities of life- work, friends, hobbies etc and children...if one coupling decide to have children, how do they negotiate that?"

One of my friends has 2 households, he spends 2 days at a time with them in constant rotation. It works for all of them

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire


"I just like having sex with a man, sometimes 2.

I've always wondered how poly people find the time to have more than 1 close intimate relationship as well as the other practicalities of life- work, friends, hobbies etc and children...if one coupling decide to have children, how do they negotiate that?

One of my friends has 2 households, he spends 2 days at a time with them in constant rotation. It works for all of them "

Does he have kids in each household?

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I am into enm -ethical non monogamy. It works very well for me. My lovers are good friends. It satisfies my need for the physical and the emotional without the need for a full on relationship which is not what I want right now.

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I'm still not sure I understand the difference between hot wife and stag/vixen. Both in how it looks and the underlying emotions. "

I think people interpret it in different ways. They are also sometimes used interchangeably, I think? A hotwife generally plays alone, stag and vixen more likely to have the stag there, even if he doesn't join in? Not totally sure - and tbh I think everyone's dynamic is individual.

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"Hey OP!

Why wasn't exploring with a bi woman your bag?

Does Mr TMN ever want a bit of tit for tat kind of thing? You know, sitting at home, twiddling his thumbs, getting bored... do you ever feel guilty/worry that it's a very vagcentric dynamic? "

I like women. I find them very sexy, I love how they're all soft and delicious and how they kiss all soft and beautiful. I've found that beyond that, I'm not too bothered! So I'd describe myself as bi playful really - when I'm in the moment I love it as part of the bigger picture.

I'll leave the rest of your question for Mr TMN... X

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I have a ENM (ethical non monogomy) lifestyle. Polyamorous if you like.. The terms don't matter to me.

Essentially, I choose intimate/romantic/sexual partners who are also open to more than one intimate connection. Ie not monogamous. Everyone has to be aware and on board for clarity and respect. Honesty and transparency.

Although I have loving, committed partnership, I am free to explore connections with others whether they be platonic, sexual, romantic, casual, long term, short term. I am agreeabe to my partners having the same liberty. We do not impose on each other how to conduct our choices. At the sane to e we hold each other in high regard.

We do have good communication and boundaries which are agreed with care and respect.

I choose to have one to one partnerships and am open to what is present between us.

hope that explains a bit of my poly/ENM world

X "

Thank you for sharing x

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By *ighty_tightyMan
over a year ago

Norfolk/Suffolk

I'm assuming they exist but you never hear of hot husband's.

Why so?

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I'm assuming they exist but you never hear of hot husband's.

Why so?"

They do, and you do. Less common than hotwives round here certainly - but why?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I've just read this:

In the widest sense, a hotwife is a wife that has sexual relations with men outside of her marriage with the knowledge of her husband. These lifestyle marriages tend to focus on the wife and her extramarital relations, often meaning that the husband is faithful to his hotwife, not having any relations outside of the marriage. This is more common in a cuck/hotwife dynamic than in a stag/vixen relationship.

A Stag/Vixen relationship is a subset of Hotwifing. Typically, this implies that the Stag (husband) is actively involved in all aspects of her extramarital relationships. This may include playing with her and her extramarital partners (MFM or FFM, etc.). The defining aspect of a Stag, is that he is not interested in any way in the humiliation part of the hotwife dynamic x

I never saw HW as having humiliation. I like the male interaction part as being a differentiation. "

I've seen some people here and elsewhere in a Hotwife dynamic who like the humiliation element. Until I joined this site I always thought it included that. And I don't find that appealing at all.

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By *uffolkcouple-bi onlyCouple
over a year ago

West Suffolk

Our reasons for being in here….I’m the female of the couple, I have always known my bf was bi (we were best friends before) he went years with no bi action due to being married, from my personal point of view I don’t believe in denying him those feelings he gets from gay sex, he is a bi bottom and I don’t have a cock for him to suck and get fucked by, everything else we can do between ourselves. So we look for guys for that reason only, I love seeing my man happy and pleasured in ways I can’t give him, it’s very kinky when I suck his cock as he is sucking cock at the same time

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"So I've just read this:

In the widest sense, a hotwife is a wife that has sexual relations with men outside of her marriage with the knowledge of her husband. These lifestyle marriages tend to focus on the wife and her extramarital relations, often meaning that the husband is faithful to his hotwife, not having any relations outside of the marriage. This is more common in a cuck/hotwife dynamic than in a stag/vixen relationship.

A Stag/Vixen relationship is a subset of Hotwifing. Typically, this implies that the Stag (husband) is actively involved in all aspects of her extramarital relationships. This may include playing with her and her extramarital partners (MFM or FFM, etc.). The defining aspect of a Stag, is that he is not interested in any way in the humiliation part of the hotwife dynamic x

I never saw HW as having humiliation. I like the male interaction part as being a differentiation.

I've seen some people here and elsewhere in a Hotwife dynamic who like the humiliation element. Until I joined this site I always thought it included that. And I don't find that appealing at all. "

My understanding is that if you include a humiliation element of the hotwife's partner then he is a cuckold. I know plenty folk who have an element of hotwifing in their relationship - myself included - but Mr TMN is not a cuck, there is no humiliation involved. I think everyone's set up is particular to them x

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"Our reasons for being in here….I’m the female of the couple, I have always known my bf was bi (we were best friends before) he went years with no bi action due to being married, from my personal point of view I don’t believe in denying him those feelings he gets from gay sex, he is a bi bottom and I don’t have a cock for him to suck and get fucked by, everything else we can do between ourselves. So we look for guys for that reason only, I love seeing my man happy and pleasured in ways I can’t give him, it’s very kinky when I suck his cock as he is sucking cock at the same time "

Thanks for sharing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't fully understand the difference between transgender / transvestite & cross dresser, I'll pop what I think and then people can tell me if I'm wrong, also which pronouns should be used when addressing them

Transgender - i think transgender is someone is living as a different sex to their birth, be they pre or post op, or have no plans for surgery as it's my understanding not everyone chooses to undergo surgery. Pronouns if in doubt ask but I'd usually be guided by how they dress

Cross Dresser - I think is someone who likes to dress as the opposite sex occasionally but may have no wish for this to be a permanent thing - pronouns again I guess ask but again I'd probably be guided by outfit, ie if they were dressed as a female I'd refer to them as her

Transvestite - this is the one I definitely feel I have no understanding of, my feeling is that it's similar to a cross dresser

I hope I don't cause any offence asking or if my understanding is incorrect, but this felt like a safe space to get better educated "

Yes, you're right; rather confusingly transgender and transsexual are now used interchangeably, although it would be better if a distinction between sex and gender had been maintained, and perhaps transsexual used for those who are physically altered to resemble the opposite sex, whereas gender should really mean masculine or feminine rather than male or female, which is (biological) sex.

Transvestite is as you think just a more old fashioned word for cross dresser, although some may think that cross dresser is more likely to mean someone who does occasionally and basically as a fetish/kinky sex thing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I've just read this:

In the widest sense, a hotwife is a wife that has sexual relations with men outside of her marriage with the knowledge of her husband. These lifestyle marriages tend to focus on the wife and her extramarital relations, often meaning that the husband is faithful to his hotwife, not having any relations outside of the marriage. This is more common in a cuck/hotwife dynamic than in a stag/vixen relationship.

A Stag/Vixen relationship is a subset of Hotwifing. Typically, this implies that the Stag (husband) is actively involved in all aspects of her extramarital relationships. This may include playing with her and her extramarital partners (MFM or FFM, etc.). The defining aspect of a Stag, is that he is not interested in any way in the humiliation part of the hotwife dynamic x

I never saw HW as having humiliation. I like the male interaction part as being a differentiation.

I've seen some people here and elsewhere in a Hotwife dynamic who like the humiliation element. Until I joined this site I always thought it included that. And I don't find that appealing at all.

My understanding is that if you include a humiliation element of the hotwife's partner then he is a cuckold. I know plenty folk who have an element of hotwifing in their relationship - myself included - but Mr TMN is not a cuck, there is no humiliation involved. I think everyone's set up is particular to them x"

I don't want a cuck either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I just like having sex with a man, sometimes 2.

I've always wondered how poly people find the time to have more than 1 close intimate relationship as well as the other practicalities of life- work, friends, hobbies etc and children...if one coupling decide to have children, how do they negotiate that?

One of my friends has 2 households, he spends 2 days at a time with them in constant rotation. It works for all of them "

Gives me a headache just thinking about that

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I just like having sex with a man, sometimes 2.

I've always wondered how poly people find the time to have more than 1 close intimate relationship as well as the other practicalities of life- work, friends, hobbies etc and children...if one coupling decide to have children, how do they negotiate that?"

For me I live with one partner so managing my relationship with my other partner is kind of the same as when I negotiated having a partner while I lived at my parents after I graduated. That's how my relationship began with my other partner. Also just like with mono people, all aspects of my life aren't necessarily separate plates to juggle. I do spend one on one time with friends but I also see friends with one partner or the other or both depending on everyone's availability. To be honest even when I was single I often saw my friends in groups more anyway so this fits in well with my life.

I also don't want children so that's not really an issue for me. My partners also don't want children. If anything changed in that regard it would mean some serious conversations, just as if a mono couple were on different pages about it. I do have polyamorous friends with kids though. It often works similar to when parents have split up and have new partners but with the benefit of the parents still being together.

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By *wist my nipples OP   Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"Hey OP!

Why wasn't exploring with a bi woman your bag?

Does Mr TMN ever want a bit of tit for tat kind of thing? You know, sitting at home, twiddling his thumbs, getting bored... do you ever feel guilty/worry that it's a very vagcentric dynamic? "

Hello Firstly, congratulations on “vagcentric dynamic” - if I was a teenager, I’d name my band that. As for your question, wanting a bit of tit (for tat, or otherwise) is a regular thing - and I have Mrs TMN’s full support and encouragement with this. That being said, I very much enjoy Mrs TMN’s meets - I’m often there and when I’m not, they can be even more exciting. Put it this way, there’s not a lot of thumb twiddling (although I do often play PS5 when she’s out - just another win for me).

Mr TMN

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