FabSwingers.com forum: How to love your body?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hey guys!

I’m hoping for abit of help and advice here. These past 6 months I’ve put a few pound back on and absolutely hate the way I look

I’m obviously trying to diet, exercise and walk a lot more in between work and family life.

I’m constantly comparing my body to others and would love to have the perfect body… but as a mum of two and difficult births I know this can’t always happen. Oh and I don’t have thousands of pounds to pay for the perfect boobs and lypo

How can I start to like myself again

sounds so silly I know but I know there’s a lot of help and advice on these forums.

Thanks

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"Hey guys!

I’m hoping for abit of help and advice here. These past 6 months I’ve put a few pound back on and absolutely hate the way I look

I’m obviously trying to diet, exercise and walk a lot more in between work and family life.

How can I start to like myself again

sounds so silly I know but I know there’s a lot of help and advice on these forums.

Thanks

Err....you have nothing to worry about. You've got a lovely figure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you find out let me know. I honestly think even women who we think have the “perfect” whatever that even is, bodies are insecure about something.

I have managed to loose 15 kg on my own but I am still the ugly fat friend.

I fake confidence. It’s the only way else I’d never get up.

Take some sexy pics of yourself. Do your make up really pretty. Find confidence in something else about yourself other than your physical attributes and that’s when self love really comes in.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

You're all gorgeous x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your issues are not outside but inside you. Have you looked for an NLP counsellor as you won't get one on the NHS. You'll have to pay and from what you say I would say 1 x 2 hour session would crack it but I don't know what's going on deeper down.

It is not your body that's the issue it is your thoughts and feelings about it that are the issue so try changing them.

Take a look at David Snyda on you tube, you might find a couple of useful videos in his collection. Possibly best to do the exercises alone for the first time at least.

Best of luck. x

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

To be honest OP, I don't think there is such a thing as the "perfect body"

I think we would all change something if we could. I've learned to embrace what I have, I think that's the first and foremost thing you have to do and those that don't like it can jog on.

I hope you achieve the look you are going for and it sounds like you have the determination to get there.

Good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you find out let me know. I honestly think even women who we think have the “perfect” whatever that even is, bodies are insecure about something.

I have managed to loose 15 kg on my own but I am still the ugly fat friend.

I fake confidence. It’s the only way else I’d never get up.

Take some sexy pics of yourself. Do your make up really pretty. Find confidence in something else about yourself other than your physical attributes and that’s when self love really comes in.

Xx"

I lost 3 and half stone last year and put 5lb back on but it feels like 55 pounds!!

It’s so hard isn’t it but I just want to love myself again.. sounds cringe but you know what I mean x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Your issues are not outside but inside you. Have you looked for an NLP counsellor as you won't get one on the NHS. You'll have to pay and from what you say I would say 1 x 2 hour session would crack it but I don't know what's going on deeper down.

It is not your body that's the issue it is your thoughts and feelings about it that are the issue so try changing them.

Take a look at David Snyda on you tube, you might find a couple of useful videos in his collection. Possibly best to do the exercises alone for the first time at least.

Best of luck. x"

Fab thanks for that xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just enjoy your body. Don't compare everyone is different.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To be honest OP, I don't think there is such a thing as the "perfect body"

I think we would all change something if we could. I've learned to embrace what I have, I think that's the first and foremost thing you have to do and those that don't like it can jog on.

I hope you achieve the look you are going for and it sounds like you have the determination to get there.

Good luck xx"

I think I need to stick at it and hopefully loosing a few pounds will help that.

Thank you so much xx

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By *bcums3Couple
over a year ago

lanarkshire

"Hey guys!

I’m hoping for abit of help and advice here. These past 6 months I’ve put a few pound back on and absolutely hate the way I look

I’m obviously trying to diet, exercise and walk a lot more in between work and family life.

How can I start to like myself again

sounds so silly I know but I know there’s a lot of help and advice on these forums.

Thanks

Your gorgeous!…but you gotta feel it!…nurturing your mind, body and soul!….prioritise yourself (as a mum I know that’s hard) and baby steps, it doesn’t all happen at once….it helps to find someone you can share the journey with and talk about it…walking and swimming have been the 2 best things for me (f)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

op no such thing as the perfect body.

its whatever and whoever you feel confortable with.

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

I totally understand you, I'm in a similar position. I lost weight and toned up last summer but then have put weight back on. My clothes are tight and I feel uncomfortable. It affects my whole mood.

I think you need to go easy on yourself and continue with the exercise. Make small goals for yourself that are achievable. You sound like you have a busy life so just do what you can when you can. Youve done amazing in the amount of weight you've lost so be very proud of yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A friend of mine once said to me "I could never be a woman, I couldn't hate myself that much".

Cruel life for a woman. Using beauty and looks as competition against other women, then as time goes by and those looks change, envy and self loathing set in.

There are 2 things you should always remember.

1: MOST women (normal women that aren't full of lip fillers, silicone and have had more surgeries than a multiple cancer sufferer that leaves them looking like some grotesque cartoon of a human being) have saggy bits, wobbly bits, lumpy bits, misshapen bits, stretch marks, scars, bumps and scrapes. NO ONE is perfect. Never have been, never will be. Most guys would rather take an old beater who's enjoyable to be around, than some bimbo with a fetish for emptying your bank account as quickly as she does your balls.

2: No matter what the self estimation of one's attractiveness happens to be is ultimately meaningless. There will ALWAYS be someone that finds you attractive. That should be all you worry about. Easier said than done I know.

Its far better if you can put a smile on someone's face, they're always going to remember that, way before they think about what you look like. And that means something. As cheesy as it sounds in the end personality really does make up for any perceived (justified or otherwise) visual flaws you THINK you might have.

That being said. Don't focus on what you hate about yourself. Focus on what you love about yourself. The only truly unattractive feature of any woman is the inability to focus on what's good about herself and only concentrate on the negative. This will bring confidence and nothing is sexier than that.

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By *aramel.desiresMan
over a year ago

London

I say you have to think “lifestyle change” rather than a diet as a diet is temporary. So plan meals, no snacks in the house, eat healthy and add some exercise. Walk, run, swim or sex, just do more if you can. Also good for your lungs and muscles.

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

"Hey guys!

I’m hoping for abit of help and advice here. These past 6 months I’ve put a few pound back on and absolutely hate the way I look

I’m obviously trying to diet, exercise and walk a lot more in between work and family life.

How can I start to like myself again

sounds so silly I know but I know there’s a lot of help and advice on these forums.

Thanks

I feel the same lovely. I’ve put weight on and it goes straight on my tum and hips.

I’m moving more and eating better at the moment so hoping to shift a few pounds

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hey guys!

I’m hoping for abit of help and advice here. These past 6 months I’ve put a few pound back on and absolutely hate the way I look

I’m obviously trying to diet, exercise and walk a lot more in between work and family life.

How can I start to like myself again

sounds so silly I know but I know there’s a lot of help and advice on these forums.

Thanks

Thanks lovely.

I’m hoping to kinda fit more of a routine into my days off. When I am working and hopefully the weather improving will just help so much more.

Thank you x

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By *essiCouple
over a year ago

suffolk

"Just enjoy your body. Don't compare everyone is different.

Exactly this..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A friend of mine once said to me "I could never be a woman, I couldn't hate myself that much".

Cruel life for a woman. Using beauty and looks as competition against other women, then as time goes by and those looks change, envy and self loathing set in.

There are 2 things you should always remember.

It’s bloody hard being a woman let me tell you. Although I bet men have their own shit they deal with too which we don’t know too much about.

Thanks for the advice tho. Really appreciate it x

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I'll send you a photo of me naked; that will make you feel better about your few pounds overweight

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By *amie HantsWoman
over a year ago

Atlantis

It’s super cheesy but it definitely works.

Rather than standing in the mirror focussing on what you would change, try and pick out 5 things you are grateful for.

For example, without my eyes I wouldn’t have the job I have.

I don’t like them, but without my legs I’d never be able to walk along the beach.

Without my liver, I wouldn’t have been able to make questionable decisions last weekend…

That last one was obviously aiming for some comic relief. I’m hoping you get my drift.

Loving our bodies doesn’t come easily, maybe start by accepting your body for how it is, not what you want it to be- and being grateful for your body. Once that’s mastered you never know, you might end up loving your body again

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I'm now at least 8 stone overweight and my brain isn't helping me lose any.

I'm not happy about the health aspects of it, but I'm not stressing over how I look.

That isn't going to help me lose weight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with sparkle 1974 , remember that bodies brought to children into the world , no mean feat, be proud of it

I’ve got bad acne scars in chest & back , never used to take my top off , now I’m like , that’s me, doesn’t bother me at all now

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

I would suggest

1st unfollowing all influences you body admire on social media (you will always subconsciously compare yourself to them/ envy)

2nd Acknowledge & celebrate the effort/progress you've made in your self improvement journey

3rd Try not to give a crap much on others peoples opinions on how you look, you do you

4th Give yourself reg compliments cause your awesome (I flirt with myself in the mirror every morning doing my hair

haha)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The most powerful thing anyone can say to us, is what we say to ourselves

Remove the 'i want you to like me' sticker from your forehead and put it on your mirror, where it belongs

... And then tell yourself you love yourself every day as you look into your eyes in the mirror

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey S & K

I feel you it can be really hard at times. I’ve been there believe me. The best thing I did was not to compare myself it’s not easy, but if you can find something you love that’s a start. The better weather will help take little slow steps to changing what you need to

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

Hey OP. Over the last 4 years or so I have been training on a regular basis. I have on and off for years though.

I have changed my diet too, I cut out a lot of carbs. I do eat toast in the morning, Morrisons Malted Bloomer (4 slices) I found that that fills me up and I don't need to eat or snack during the day but that may also have something to do with drinking coffee which I think may suppress my appetite.

At the gym I love having a cheeky look in the full length mirror when I walk to the shower and I get a kick out of the difference in my shape.

If you can't go to the gym or train regularly Decathlon have a good range of equipment, I use mine while I'm watching TV at night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey guys!

I’m hoping for abit of help and advice here. These past 6 months I’ve put a few pound back on and absolutely hate the way I look

I’m obviously trying to diet, exercise and walk a lot more in between work and family life.

How can I start to like myself again

sounds so silly I know but I know there’s a lot of help and advice on these forums.

Thanks

I’m with you OP, I’d like to know the answer on how to learn to like myself. Like you I’ve lost weight but still feel very conscious of my curves. I have been very lucky to meet some amazing guys who have been very complimentary but I don’t think I’ll ever shake that feeling of not being ‘good enough’. In my rational head, I know that looks shouldn’t matter but I think us women are so programmed to believe that it does matter, that it’s ingrained within us.

for what it’s worth, I think you have an amazing figure and I’m slightly envious of it!

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"It’s super cheesy but it definitely works.

Rather than standing in the mirror focussing on what you would change, try and pick out 5 things you are grateful for.

For example, without my eyes I wouldn’t have the job I have.

I don’t like them, but without my legs I’d never be able to walk along the beach.

Without my liver, I wouldn’t have been able to make questionable decisions last weekend…

That last one was obviously aiming for some comic relief. I’m hoping you get my drift.

This ^

Plus remember your body changed for a reason, carrying two beautiful children into your life. It is life changing in so many ways, mentally & physically.

When I think of my baby shelf I remember why it’s there, I smile and love it, as it is a consequence of the most important person in my life and I wouldn’t swap that for how I used to look.

It takes time, OP but hopefully you will find acceptance and love of yourself soon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are like kintsugi. The Japanese believe that mending what is broken makes it more beautiful because it becomes unique. People are like that too. You can spend your life being the mended vase thinking you used to be perfect, or you can be the person who mended the vase, who thinks the unique vase is perfect.

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

Comments about ‘normal women that aren’t full of lip fillers, silicone’ are part of the problem.

Being judged for how we look, seeing constant scrutiny of womens appearance on tv, social media etc, how women are slagged off if they gain weight and pics of them paraded in magazines to shame them for their size.

I see a lot of body positivity on offal medias now which is amazing, if only the judgement would stop

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

"Comments about ‘normal women that aren’t full of lip fillers, silicone’ are part of the problem.

I see a lot of body positivity on offal medias now which is amazing, if only the judgement would stop "

*social medias

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By *not123Couple
over a year ago

sp1

Come to conclusion I loom like the Mitchellin man I struggle with my weight looks arnt great but can't change it so we have to learn to love what we are

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

Was having this conversation recently… when you invite people around your house you hope they don’t notice negative things you do… when you go around theirs we never look with the same critical eye. Everyone of those you say you admire aren’t happy with parts of themselves… it’s human nature to be self critical… show off what you are proud of and focus on them

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By *oolkoupleCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire

Something that works for me is to focus on the amazing things my body can do, rather than what it looks like. I tell different parts why I'm grateful for them to really focus the positive energy. This has the added benefit of reminding me how important it is to care for my body with nutrition and exercise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m happy to chat more in-depth about this OP but there has been some good advice so far.

I would add a couple of things though

First off journal these emotions and feelings. Understand what is triggering them and how you can navigate these the best that you can.

The second is to find a strong why that you feel the need to change. For example weight loss falls under 2 categories. Looking better and health. Why are these important to you. Look deeper than the superficial level.

A great trick for this is to ask why at least 5 times to get to the root of the problem.

Like I said I’m happy to run this through with you any time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey guys!

I’m hoping for abit of help and advice here. These past 6 months I’ve put a few pound back on and absolutely hate the way I look

I’m obviously trying to diet, exercise and walk a lot more in between work and family life.

How can I start to like myself again

sounds so silly I know but I know there’s a lot of help and advice on these forums.

Thanks

You're too hard on yourself, cut yourself some slack , All women compare their self to others , they mightened come right out and say so but they do so if it's any good to you cut yourself some slack , be happy in your own skin , most important , cause , imho , if you start looking for reasons then you'll always be doing so , you ..yes ..you ..are perfect just the way you are .

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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

"Hey guys!

I’m hoping for abit of help and advice here. These past 6 months I’ve put a few pound back on and absolutely hate the way I look

I’m obviously trying to diet, exercise and walk a lot more in between work and family life.

How can I start to like myself again

sounds so silly I know but I know there’s a lot of help and advice on these forums.

Thanks

I understand how you feel- I lost 10st & have had 6 cosmetic skin removal surgeries to try to feel normal, but trust me- attractiveness isn't in the wrapping, it's in the attitude & personality!!

I absolutely promise you that anyone looking at you won't focus on what you consider as your imperfections- they're looking at the glint in your eye, the way you flick your hair or give a certain look. It's your smile, your laugh, your opinion, your humour, your compassion, your scent, the funny things you say, the kind things you do...

I'm sure you get the picture!!

Your body IS perfect!! It created 2 brand new human beings & that is a precious gift that's well worth a few physical signs that you achieved this!

Nobody looking at you will see the things that you think are imperfect. They'll see the beautiful woman that I see in your pics.

Enjoy what you have, darling.

We're not here for long enough to waste time on self loathing & insecurities xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all for the lovely, motivating advice and comments. (Struggling to reply individually) I have read them all and each one has made me realise I am being far too hard on myself. But, equally I do want to look and feel better about myself and my body.

I love this site and forums for this! Not just the swinging side but the social too

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"Thank you all for the lovely, motivating advice and comments. (Struggling to reply individually) I have read them all and each one has made me realise I am being far too hard on myself. But, equally I do want to look and feel better about myself and my body.

I love this site and forums for this! Not just the swinging side but the social too

Glad you're here for help, advice and support

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Learn to love your own body OP. The only person you have to impress is yourself. Everyone loves a different body shape and for the record, don't be so hard on yourself

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

I love this site and forums for this! Not just the swinging side but the social too

That's exactly it, OP - be kind to yourself. I know very few (no!) people who are completely happy with their bodies, but you're working hard on things you want to change, so commend yourself for everything you are doing, rather than criticising yourself for what you're not! Easier said than done, I know!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Over the first lockdown I began to love and accept my body for what it was by doing the following.

-unfollowing diet focused accounts on social media

-following influencers that promote body positivity who are similar sizes and shapes.

-looking at their photos for clothing inspiration.

-talking to others about how they see themselves and realising that we all have some form of body dismorphia.

-slowly uncovering my problem areas (wearing shorter sleeves, shorter skirts, tighter clothing) and realising the world hasn't ended because others can see more of me than usual.

-looking in the mirror and identifying the bits of myself that I like and focusing on that. It really helps to reduce the body dismorphia.

I say all this but I have lost every shred of confidence I built up now

I've left an active job and gone into a much slower job which is mentally challenging and the weight is creeping up quicker than I dare to think about.

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

My problem I have is those around me telling me I'm fat and need to loose weight. My boss asks me when am I going to go back to the gym. I am currently comfort eating as I have huge work pressures and worries/stress at the moment.

You're not alone OP, believe me. I'm really struggling right now too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I literally have no idea, I think focusing on other stuff like things you love, might help a bit

Like I started doing Pole dancing and that really upped my body confidence, I appreciated my body a bit more. yes I don’t have the perfect curves and I have wobbly bits, but everyone has them. And even if they don’t, they might be insecure about other things x

Whether it’s skin problems or just something. I think it’s only human x

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By *arkcrystalMan
over a year ago

Bristol

I have to wank in the dark.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

You need to find your worth and that is not linked to your weight.

I am on a weight loss journey. The longest fucking journey in the world but not because I hate my body. I'm very comfortable with it but I want to look after it a bit better, try to reverse my diabetes etc.

I don't compare myself to others because they are not me. I have completed more than half of my 'body perfect' friends have but they have done lots of things I haven't. That's life.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"My problem I have is those around me telling me I'm fat and need to loose weight. My boss asks me when am I going to go back to the gym. I am currently comfort eating as I have huge work pressures and worries/stress at the moment.

You're not alone OP, believe me. I'm really struggling right now too."

Your boss is a dick!

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I sometimes think there's too much focus on loving your body. And that I think is somewhat impossible, I've yet to find anyone who loves every part of their body.

Maybe focus on body acceptance. There are some amazing IG posters who show the realities of posing, light etc on cellulite, folds and rolls. So when you see slim bodies with rolls well then of course you have them too.

It is challenging to see that you are fine as you are. And yes I have days where I compare myself to others. But working towards neutrality is easier than thinking your body perfect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey guys!

I’m hoping for abit of help and advice here. These past 6 months I’ve put a few pound back on and absolutely hate the way I look

I’m obviously trying to diet, exercise and walk a lot more in between work and family life.

How can I start to like myself again

sounds so silly I know but I know there’s a lot of help and advice on these forums.

Thanks

No advice as 2 kids later I'm in the same position, just thought I'd say I think you look great.

Mrs

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

"I sometimes think there's too much focus on loving your body. And that I think is somewhat impossible, I've yet to find anyone who loves every part of their body.

It is challenging to see that you are fine as you are. And yes I have days where I compare myself to others. But working towards neutrality is easier than thinking your body perfect. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Embrace what you ever. Remember that looks are subjective, everyone has different preferences and it doesn’t make anyone less or more stunning. Just knowing that there’s always people that think your body looks amazing tells you how beautiful you actually are.

Harder said than done I know, but as a man who’s only 5’6, not built like a brick house and Indian origin it tends to put me out of a lot of womens preferences but same time remember there are plenty that love it too. That’s what gives me the confidence.

And let’s be honest, the look of our body alone isn’t what leads to a good time…personality is just as important when it comes to how sexy someone is.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Acceptance of change is a huge part of it. Embracing my menopausal body was a big one for me and dropping the lockdown weight I gained was something I wanted to do for myself and my health.

Its a life journey and there will be highs and lows, I wish you luck OP

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By *G999Man
over a year ago

Everywhere & Nowhere

" Although I bet men have their own shit they deal with too which we don’t know too much about. "

We definitely do

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By *lan4FFUUNNMan
over a year ago

Genoa Italy and Liverpool

You look great, sexy body and beautiful feet x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Although I bet men have their own shit they deal with too which we don’t know too much about. "

Yes we do. When I see so many women looking for “tall, gym fit, white or black ONLY” (often the “only” or something similar written in uppercase for extra emphasis) doesn’t exactly do great things for a guys confidence does it?

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Oh OP if you're on IG have a look at georgie.clarke

She's really helped with showing how bodies look literally seconds apart. But slightly different poses, like today it's a picture in sunlight Vs shade. Really does help me see bodies look different from one moment to the next, and that people generally only show the good ones.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

The OP is gorgeous and should change nothing about herself at all.

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By *ld StrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Telford

It’s really difficult to tell a person how to love their body simply because it’s your body not mine. I personally have found their is no such thing as a perfect body to ourselves but we will be perfect to someone.

How did I become comfortable in mine, well I accepted the things I couldn’t change ie things out of my control. And made changes to the things where possible I could that make me feel happy.

I don’t compare myself to anyone else because we are all different and it’s likely the person you are coveting to be may well even have the same issues themselves looking at others and there lies the vicious cycle of people never feeling good enough.

I have totally accepted who I am but I don’t let that confidence in myself stop me being aware of my flaws as a person or in denial of my mental physical health. I’m fully aware I’m not everyone’s cup of tea but I am

Happy enough not to be and still like myself.

Social media is a beast it makes people want things others have but blinds you to the beauty you already have if you could just see that In Yourself. Soon as you do that the freedom to shine because you don’t feel oppressed by those thoughts shows a more beautiful person

Hope it helps beautiful people and sorry about the grammar

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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago

Stirling

Learn to accept your flaws and see them as unique characteristics to you, don’t compare yourself to others, dress for your shape - don’t be concerned if this means buying a bigger size we all know no two shops are the same.

Take up a hobby that increases confidence, a dance/fitness class for example- I teach classes to a variety of shapes/sizes and ages and all I care about is making woman feel good about themselves - get them interacting with each other and learning to laugh more - if along the way they start to lose weight or see a change in there shape that benefits them then even better if that’s there goals.

Most of all take time to love yourself again, treat yourself to the that hair cut you always wanted, get your nails done…anything that gives you that little spring in your step!

Self care and surrounding yourself with those who accept you as you are will all add to your general mood, for what it’s worth I think you are beautiful!

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