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Negativity on threads

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Since my return I have noticed that there has been lots of negativity on some threads.

Body shaming

Photo shaming

Kink shaming

Don’t get me wrong when people deliberately antagonise their yes it can turn brutal and that may be justified to some degree.

But other people who start threads are just genuine in their questions but yet still get shamed in one way or another.

My question is do you think about your comment before commenting?

You don’t give a fuck?

You are scared to go against the opinion of everyone else?

Are you like this away from fab?

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

I type then think. If I think it's okay I send it, if it isn't then I delete it. I don't say something just to fit in but also don't say anything rude or abusive.

There is enough shite going on in the world without me adding to it in here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I type then think. If I think it's okay I send it, if it isn't then I delete it. I don't say something just to fit in but also don't say anything rude or abusive.

There is enough shite going on in the world without me adding to it in here. "

Exactly

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

I very much give a fuck! Wouldn't deliberately hurt someone with my words

Definatly don't go with majority opinion! Will say just what I think in I hope a nice way! And I know alot of my opinions are very controversial! Depends how passionate I feel about a particular topic

And yes exactly the same in real life! X

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I'm not arsed about going against the flow but I figure there's enough negativity in the world without me adding to it so much of the time when I disagree I tend to move on to a different thread.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Any kind of shaming is usually called out pretty quickly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's always been shaming on here since I joined at least. It's whether people call it out that matters more, I think. I do, but then I'm a loud mouth as you know BG.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a bit of a wind up but I don’t think I’m ever negative. I call people out if I think what they’re saying is wrong and that’s exactly how I am in real life but mostly I’m just on the forums for a laugh.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I don't follow the "if you have nothing nice to say....." principle because that's just another way of saying no one should be challenged.

However even though I think it's fairly obvious I don't say things on here to fit in, I avoid any form of deliberate shaming because I know what is like to be on the receiving end.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it can take one comment to set the tone for a thread and in the past, I have been quick to jump on with what other people are saying.

But recently, I've tried to be a bit more thoughtful in my responses because even if an original post may seem to lack a bit of common sense, it doesn't give people the right neg all over them in the way I've seen. It symbolizes a hive mentality that isn't inclusive for a forum meant for everyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think it can take one comment to set the tone for a thread and in the past, I have been quick to jump on with what other people are saying.

But recently, I've tried to be a bit more thoughtful in my responses because even if an original post may seem to lack a bit of common sense, it doesn't give people the right neg all over them in the way I've seen. It symbolizes a hive mentality that isn't inclusive for a forum meant for everyone "

Hmm. There's a post lacking common sense and then the ones which are racist, sexist or just plain revolting. I try to hold back the sarcastic comments on the first type. I won't hold back on the second.

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.


"I don't follow the "if you have nothing nice to say....." principle because that's just another way of saying no one should be challenged.

However even though I think it's fairly obvious I don't say things on here to fit in, I avoid any form of deliberate shaming because I know what is like to be on the receiving end. "

If someone is abusive or rude then I say something. But like you I stay away from shaming someone.

I do however make sarky comments on some of the threads that ask for a meet at the drop of a hat, as happened this morning.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Since my return I have noticed that there has been lots of negativity on some threads.

Body shaming

Photo shaming

Kink shaming

Don’t get me wrong when people deliberately antagonise their yes it can turn brutal and that may be justified to some degree.

But other people who start threads are just genuine in their questions but yet still get shamed in one way or another.

My question is do you think about your comment before commenting?

You don’t give a fuck?

You are scared to go against the opinion of everyone else?

Are you like this away from fab? "

The interesting bit of this question, for me, is how you start it. Since you returned, suggesting you left. Now, there are many reasons for leaving (and returning) so without trying to guess or suggesting I'm correct (I'm only posturing), it is fairly common for Forum users to leave because of issues on the forum, rather than any problem with the site per se. We've all seen it with individual arguments causing people to storm off, or people just getting fed up and needing a break.

With that in mind, is there a chance that you are experiencing confirmation bias and each time you see any of the above behaviours it is re-enforcing or confirming that it happens, perhaps more commonly than it actually does?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think it can take one comment to set the tone for a thread and in the past, I have been quick to jump on with what other people are saying.

But recently, I've tried to be a bit more thoughtful in my responses because even if an original post may seem to lack a bit of common sense, it doesn't give people the right neg all over them in the way I've seen. It symbolizes a hive mentality that isn't inclusive for a forum meant for everyone

Hmm. There's a post lacking common sense and then the ones which are racist, sexist or just plain revolting. I try to hold back the sarcastic comments on the first type. I won't hold back on the second. "

Absolutely, and I've seen those responses which are vile and have no place here. But I've seen them less than posts where someone asks a question, the first person takes the piss and then it becomes a free for all. That's what gets my back up mostly

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

It doesn't matter what you say sometimes as someone will twist it into something that wasn't meant/implied x

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

I say things as I see them. What is viewed as ‘negativity’ by some in here, is their reaction to my honesty, and their inability to see my side

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am I sarcastic away from fab and stand up for my opinions and others being shamed? Damn straight I am.

I realised a few months ago that I am a lot more vocal now because I had someone put me down for every opinion I had. Make snide remarks about my loud voice. I dont believe I shame people and I try not to be negative but there is always more work to be done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think it can take one comment to set the tone for a thread and in the past, I have been quick to jump on with what other people are saying.

But recently, I've tried to be a bit more thoughtful in my responses because even if an original post may seem to lack a bit of common sense, it doesn't give people the right neg all over them in the way I've seen. It symbolizes a hive mentality that isn't inclusive for a forum meant for everyone

Hmm. There's a post lacking common sense and then the ones which are racist, sexist or just plain revolting. I try to hold back the sarcastic comments on the first type. I won't hold back on the second.

Absolutely, and I've seen those responses which are vile and have no place here. But I've seen them less than posts where someone asks a question, the first person takes the piss and then it becomes a free for all. That's what gets my back up mostly"

Yes I know what you mean. I try to think first before I comment. Don't think I always behave perfectly. I have friends who will message if they think I'm getting overly wound up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/03/22 10:57:27]

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By *izandpaulCouple
over a year ago

merseyside


"Since my return I have noticed that there has been lots of negativity on some threads.

Body shaming

Photo shaming

Kink shaming

Don’t get me wrong when people deliberately antagonise their yes it can turn brutal and that may be justified to some degree.

But other people who start threads are just genuine in their questions but yet still get shamed in one way or another.

My question is do you think about your comment before commenting?

You don’t give a fuck?

You are scared to go against the opinion of everyone else?

Are you like this away from fab? "

Fab is a site we use to meet other swingers or meets in clubs and parties.

We generally look at verifications and if been on over 6 months and no verifications to show real meets, don't really care what's on verification. That's been a problem during covid but should sort itself out soon.

As we don't do drama don't really comment too much.

Some folks get upset at the nature of replies but fab is no different to any social media site, if you don't have a thick skin be careful about posting opinions.

We've never had a problem with anyone and met some great people.

Don't care what people think of us, why should we, they don't know us, so anything they write will just be an opinion based on nothing.

What is great about swinging is some of the normal niceties of social life don't apply.

Don't care what you do for a living, don't care what house or car you have, not bothered about your kids or family problems, just as long as you want to have sex with us and we feel the same its a great night for us.

Very rarely do swingers become long term friends, got friends, don't need anymore.

Sounds shallow, it is, who cares.

We love it.

Are we like this away from FAB, absolutely not, we are a normal couple whose family, friends and associates would be horrified, amused and maybe envious of our very secret life.

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford

The anonymity of the Internet has made people who are uncomfortable in social situations, or confrontation, VERY comfortable saying things and talking in a manner that would likely have in person consequences.

I don’t want to say ‘the real world’ because the Internet is the real world.

I don’t think challenge is bad, but being deliberately antagonistic for no reason seems silly imo. And if you challenge and are clearly not getting anywhere with being understood just walk away. There are way too many ego driven weirdos who have to win every conversation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have an inbuilt filter

Would I say that to someone face to face given the situation

If the answer is yes then I will say it. If the answer is no then I won’t.

I was told that when you look in the mirror the only person you have to justify yourself is the reflection.

I try and live by that

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham


"The anonymity of the Internet has made people who are uncomfortable in social situations, or confrontation, VERY comfortable saying things and talking in a manner that would likely have in person consequences.

I don’t want to say ‘the real world’ because the Internet is the real world.

I don’t think challenge is bad, but being deliberately antagonistic for no reason seems silly imo. And if you challenge and are clearly not getting anywhere with being understood just walk away. There are way too many ego driven weirdos who have to win every conversation "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Any kind of shaming is usually called out pretty quickly "

Not when there are several people doing it at the same time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are a people on this website who as a agenda try to do everything to stop swinging. They don't swing and they don't agree with it so they create fake profiles and verify themselves. All for the purpose of stopping all of us having fun. In some cases they can create up to 20 profiles and be incredibly abusive just to scare people away from the website. You just got to be aware of it as sort the wheat from the chafe. Most of the time its women that are targeted and scared away. Then loads of guys message them after a abusive message and bang there gone.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

I just let it fly. No fucks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are a people on this website who as a agenda try to do everything to stop swinging. They don't swing and they don't agree with it so they create fake profiles and verify themselves. All for the purpose of stopping all of us having fun. In some cases they can create up to 20 profiles and be incredibly abusive just to scare people away from the website. You just got to be aware of it as sort the wheat from the chafe. Most of the time its women that are targeted and scared away. Then loads of guys message them after a abusive message and bang there gone.

"

Wait what??

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast


"Any kind of shaming is usually called out pretty quickly

Not when there are several people doing it at the same time "

There is also a reluctance by many to call out women and couples if they start shaming and anyone trying to say that all shamers are treated equally really needs to give their head a wobble or take off their blinkers.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

I refer to it fairly often because it sums up my approach to life fairly well (for the majority at least), an interview with Anthony Mackie on racism but it applies to so many different topics, subjects and discussions.

The smartest person in a conversation is the one who listens.

Its a cursed trait that not many people have, but being able to view things from beyond the box. To view both boxes, no matter how vile one may be and then base judgement or challenge, or agreement from that. Not from a place of raw emotion.

Just because I listened, and took in what some raging racist may have said does not mean I agree or condone what they have said, or that they are immune from any and all consequences I may send their way once I have listened.

Lots more issues would be resolved through listening and discussion than instant resistance and shutting off all forms of civil communication.

To educate you need to listen to negativity, so you are able to deliver the education successfully. Some people will resist and become an immovable object, and that's on them, but you can't say that you didn't attempt to keep it as a discussion. By digging your own heels in the same way prior, you are restricting discussion yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are a people on this website who as a agenda try to do everything to stop swinging. They don't swing and they don't agree with it so they create fake profiles and verify themselves. All for the purpose of stopping all of us having fun. In some cases they can create up to 20 profiles and be incredibly abusive just to scare people away from the website. You just got to be aware of it as sort the wheat from the chafe. Most of the time its women that are targeted and scared away. Then loads of guys message them after a abusive message and bang there gone.

"

Pubs open?

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.


"There are a people on this website who as a agenda try to do everything to stop swinging. They don't swing and they don't agree with it so they create fake profiles and verify themselves. All for the purpose of stopping all of us having fun. In some cases they can create up to 20 profiles and be incredibly abusive just to scare people away from the website. You just got to be aware of it as sort the wheat from the chafe. Most of the time its women that are targeted and scared away. Then loads of guys message them after a abusive message and bang there gone.

"

Huh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I refer to it fairly often because it sums up my approach to life fairly well (for the majority at least), an interview with Anthony Mackie on racism but it applies to so many different topics, subjects and discussions.

The smartest person in a conversation is the one who listens.

Its a cursed trait that not many people have, but being able to view things from beyond the box. To view both boxes, no matter how vile one may be and then base judgement or challenge, or agreement from that. Not from a place of raw emotion.

Just because I listened, and took in what some raging racist may have said does not mean I agree or condone what they have said, or that they are immune from any and all consequences I may send their way once I have listened.

Lots more issues would be resolved through listening and discussion than instant resistance and shutting off all forms of civil communication.

To educate you need to listen to negativity, so you are able to deliver the education successfully. Some people will resist and become an immovable object, and that's on them, but you can't say that you didn't attempt to keep it as a discussion. By digging your own heels in the same way prior, you are restricting discussion yourself. "

Excellent!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are a people on this website who as a agenda try to do everything to stop swinging. They don't swing and they don't agree with it so they create fake profiles and verify themselves. All for the purpose of stopping all of us having fun. In some cases they can create up to 20 profiles and be incredibly abusive just to scare people away from the website. You just got to be aware of it as sort the wheat from the chafe. Most of the time its women that are targeted and scared away. Then loads of guys message them after a abusive message and bang there gone.

"

Um. I think this might be quite a different issue?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Still so much positivity too though x

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I don't have an issue with anyone debating a point on here as long as it stays civil quite often it doesn't tho,but that's the internet so many hide behind anonymity.

I don't see any difference on the forums now than there was when I joined a few years ago just different people come and go on here.

Often you see people jump on threads especially when it's a popular poster has gone against something or someone and then others all jump in.Or jumping in to defend a woman when if a guy posts the same thing he would get attacked but yet again that's the norm on here unfortunately.

I say what I think when I post it's no different on here than it would be in real life. I try not to shame anyone and even when I see threads that I completely disagree with I will quite often just move on and ignore now .I can't be bothered with the drama that some create over threads anymore.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Maybe my meter is skewed, or I’m not reading the right threads, but I don’t see as much negativity as others.

That being said I try not to shame others in my posts, outside of implying they are idiots.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I'm very much the same on fab as I'm in real life. My friends will literally say hold her drink she's about to give her two penneth worth.

Yeah there's shaming if there's a DDlg thread. I know exactly who is going to turn up to say it's eww, wrong etc etc. And then won't openly debate their opinions so it's for what cause? And then they'll try and play the victim and say they are being shamed for kink shaming. It's kind of school yard really.

Some of my opinions are wrong, nobody can be right 100% of the time. Can I debate why I think the way I think? Yes I'm an adult. Don't necessarily think it's negatively to be honest. I think it's the lack of ability to debate.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.


"I'm very much the same on fab as I'm in real life. My friends will literally say hold her drink she's about to give her two penneth worth.

Yeah there's shaming if there's a DDlg thread. I know exactly who is going to turn up to say it's eww, wrong etc etc. And then won't openly debate their opinions so it's for what cause? And then they'll try and play the victim and say they are being shamed for kink shaming. It's kind of school yard really.

Some of my opinions are wrong, nobody can be right 100% of the time. Can I debate why I think the way I think? Yes I'm an adult. Don't necessarily think it's negatively to be honest. I think it's the lack of ability to debate. "

What's DDIg

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm very much the same on fab as I'm in real life. My friends will literally say hold her drink she's about to give her two penneth worth.

Yeah there's shaming if there's a DDlg thread. I know exactly who is going to turn up to say it's eww, wrong etc etc. And then won't openly debate their opinions so it's for what cause? And then they'll try and play the victim and say they are being shamed for kink shaming. It's kind of school yard really.

Some of my opinions are wrong, nobody can be right 100% of the time. Can I debate why I think the way I think? Yes I'm an adult. Don't necessarily think it's negatively to be honest. I think it's the lack of ability to debate.

What's DDIg"

Daddy dom/little girl. Whenever it’s brought up it descends into chaos.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm very much the same on fab as I'm in real life. My friends will literally say hold her drink she's about to give her two penneth worth.

Yeah there's shaming if there's a DDlg thread. I know exactly who is going to turn up to say it's eww, wrong etc etc. And then won't openly debate their opinions so it's for what cause? And then they'll try and play the victim and say they are being shamed for kink shaming. It's kind of school yard really.

Some of my opinions are wrong, nobody can be right 100% of the time. Can I debate why I think the way I think? Yes I'm an adult. Don't necessarily think it's negatively to be honest. I think it's the lack of ability to debate. "

That particular topic always leads to meltdown. Don't quite get why. But I think if people are going to shame they should be able to debate their reasons why. And I will listen. If they're just going to call me names, I won't listen.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Still so much positivity too though x"

Yes some of the threads are really good fun

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

I come on here for fun & a giggle.

I amuse myself reading the comments of certain forumites that clearly have no self awareness of how negatively they come across. Having had a number of time outs in the past, I save my disdain & sarcasm for the comments that truly rile me. Sadly, they're becoming far more prolific.

See? Even I'm moaning and whinging now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I come on here for fun & a giggle.

I amuse myself reading the comments of certain forumites that clearly have no self awareness of how negatively they come across. Having had a number of time outs in the past, I save my disdain & sarcasm for the comments that truly rile me. Sadly, they're becoming far more prolific.

See? Even I'm moaning and whinging now "

Sometimes a moan is good for you

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

I have a big dark cloud hanging over my head 24/7 everything I do and say is affected by it.

So sorry if I come across a bit Magoo at times.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.


"I come on here for fun & a giggle.

I amuse myself reading the comments of certain forumites that clearly have no self awareness of how negatively they come across. Having had a number of time outs in the past, I save my disdain & sarcasm for the comments that truly rile me. Sadly, they're becoming far more prolific.

See? Even I'm moaning and whinging now

Sometimes a moan is good for you "

Aye. In the right context But constant whining on here is not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I consider the internet to be a lot like people driving.

As soon as you put that level of seperation between a person like that, a few people feel alright saying anything without consequence.

Using the driving thing, if someone cut you off just to save five seconds nearly forcing you and the kids off the road and you were on foot... you would likely do a lot more than a toot of the horn.

Afraid the internet is what it is..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What i said yesterday about the fur was actually a compliment not a dig just in case its playing on your mind op compared to my piddly chest hair pal

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

The other side of that coin is, is abuse/shaming intended by the poster? I see a lot of accusations on here where I personally don't think someone is intending to be abusive, but they are accused of it because someone else doesn't like their differing opinion (usually jumped on and turned into a witch hunt by cronies if it's one of the "popular" people who takes offence). We're all human, there will be occasions where we all word something clumsily. Obviously there will be times when people are on the wind-up or being purposefully antagonistic, but in my opinion the majority of differing opinions are not intended as negative, they're just different. It's all very subjective, and people will read what they want to into comments.

I don't post anywhere near as much as I used to, but I'm never afraid to speak my mind or to question something that I don't agree with, despite having a lot of vitriol directed my way over the years...I'm a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their opinion, whether I agree with it or not.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I'm very much the same on fab as I'm in real life. My friends will literally say hold her drink she's about to give her two penneth worth.

Yeah there's shaming if there's a DDlg thread. I know exactly who is going to turn up to say it's eww, wrong etc etc. And then won't openly debate their opinions so it's for what cause? And then they'll try and play the victim and say they are being shamed for kink shaming. It's kind of school yard really.

Some of my opinions are wrong, nobody can be right 100% of the time. Can I debate why I think the way I think? Yes I'm an adult. Don't necessarily think it's negatively to be honest. I think it's the lack of ability to debate.

That particular topic always leads to meltdown. Don't quite get why. But I think if people are going to shame they should be able to debate their reasons why. And I will listen. If they're just going to call me names, I won't listen. "

Definitely I get why some find it weird and strange. But then it all boils down to so people want to discuss with people who are involved in that scene and understand it better or what they think it is from internet porn. Which we all know is a fair and accurate representation of sex regardless of the type you're into

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

I do not shame others, mostly because I dont care and it's none of my business. But I'm incredibly negative, but that's just me and to be anything else would be disingenuous of me. I have strong opinions and convictions, mostly negative in nature.

I dont expect anybody to interact with me, but neither am willing to change how I think for the benefit of others sensibilities.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest recently I've seen more threads like this complaining about negativity than I have actual negative comments.

A lot of the time somebody disagreeing with someone else is seen as negative or shaming when often it isn't. Being negative is absolutely fine and not a problem unless it turns into abuse, I don't really know why we call it how as often as we do.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

It’s never been any different. Simply different faces at different times disagreeing on different points. No one person will ever change it. It’s a collection of individuals bringing their own day/opinion/agenda to whatever thread they choose.

All you can do is be accountable to yourself. I know how my comments are intended and I’m just fine with that. I mostly just stay away these days so it’s a drop in the ocean.

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I never thought I will post as much as I do but I enjoy the banter as well as some of the very informative threads on here. I try to be very measured if I am expressing an opinion, recognising that others may disagree and that's OK if it's all civilised and appropriate. Some people however can be arrogant, narcissistic, rude and abusive in one way or another but I have found that that most are inclusive people to make my time and contributions worthwhile. I also ignore the so called 'cliques' that have been mentioned so many times as unfortunately don't really work well in an open forum like this - I have my close real friends for that. I can't really change anything on here, I am just me and choose to contribute or not in my own way and ignore/block/filter those people that don't float my boat. I try to just pass the time and distress a bit from daily life when I come on here. Certainly not to make anyone uncomfortable with what I say or do in the hope that others also behave in the same considerate manner. We are all different, we don't need to conform but we need to be kind, inclusive and considerate to others.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.


"I do not shame others, mostly because I dont care and it's none of my business. But I'm incredibly negative, but that's just me and to be anything else would be disingenuous of me. I have strong opinions and convictions, mostly negative in nature.

I dont expect anybody to interact with me, but neither am willing to change how I think for the benefit of others sensibilities."

But that's you and it's fine.

You don't start negative threads like "Why do guys always...." Or "Is it just me..." that are worded to spawn nothing but negativity, encouraging folk to pile on in the deluded headspace that it'll make the OP more popular.

Are these the threads you're referring to OP? As others tend to be as Frida says above, genuine discussion points where folk will likely disagree (apart from the trolls)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I never thought I will post as much as I do but I enjoy the banter as well as some of the very informative threads on here. I try to be very measured if I am expressing an opinion, recognising that others may disagree and that's OK if it's all civilised and appropriate. Some people however can be arrogant, narcissistic, rude and abusive in one way or another but I have found that that most are inclusive people to make my time and contributions worthwhile. I also ignore the so called 'cliques' that have been mentioned so many times as unfortunately don't really work well in an open forum like this - I have my close real friends for that. I can't really change anything on here, I am just me and choose to contribute or not in my own way and ignore/block/filter those people that don't float my boat. I try to just pass the time and distress a bit from daily life when I come on here. Certainly not to make anyone uncomfortable with what I say or do in the hope that others also behave in the same considerate manner. We are all different, we don't need to conform but we need to be kind, inclusive and considerate to others. "

You say we need to be kind and inclusive but what does that mean? I see that bandied about a lot on the forums without any real context.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

The forums are often like an amalgamation of 80's action movies.

Some people like to launch grenades and run away while others snipe from a distance before retreating back into the shadows.

Others kick open the saloon door and come in shooting and act surprised when some start shooting back.

While a few people often get caught in the crossfire there will always be those who pretend to be immune to everything going on around them or claim they don't see it.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I do not shame others, mostly because I dont care and it's none of my business. But I'm incredibly negative, but that's just me and to be anything else would be disingenuous of me. I have strong opinions and convictions, mostly negative in nature.

I dont expect anybody to interact with me, but neither am willing to change how I think for the benefit of others sensibilities.

But that's you and it's fine.

You don't start negative threads like "Why do guys always...." Or "Is it just me..." that are worded to spawn nothing but negativity, encouraging folk to pile on in the deluded headspace that it'll make the OP more popular.

Are these the threads you're referring to OP? As others tend to be as Frida says above, genuine discussion points where folk will likely disagree (apart from the trolls)

"

I dislike negative biased based OPs. It's channelling negatively from the off. Not everyone has to agree, I hate cheese, it's gone off milk, but that doesn't mean I can't understand why some people love scoffing it. Why can't people debate their sides of an argument and have others listen? Isn't that the point of a debate?

I'm now expecting an inbox full of cheese lovers saying I'm wrong lik

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"The other side of that coin is, is abuse/shaming intended by the poster? I see a lot of accusations on here where I personally don't think someone is intending to be abusive, but they are accused of it because someone else doesn't like their differing opinion (usually jumped on and turned into a witch hunt by cronies if it's one of the "popular" people who takes offence). We're all human, there will be occasions where we all word something clumsily. Obviously there will be times when people are on the wind-up or being purposefully antagonistic, but in my opinion the majority of differing opinions are not intended as negative, they're just different. It's all very subjective, and people will read what they want to into comments.

I don't post anywhere near as much as I used to, but I'm never afraid to speak my mind or to question something that I don't agree with, despite having a lot of vitriol directed my way over the years...I'm a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their opinion, whether I agree with it or not.

"

Agreed. I've grown old and tired of people being labelled as shaming or abusive because they've not conformed to the status quo, they've not framed a reply absolutely perfect without any tiny mistake. I also dislike the rather incessant pisstaking of a poster, often new, male and not causing instant fanny flutters so not readily welcomed, who receive "helpful" replies of cake, replies deliberately going off on a tangent. Everyone has off days, even the holier than thou posters like myself so maybe cut some slack? Generally it could be more welcoming though.

I don't think the constant bleating about negativity is particularly productive either. It tends to bring the rather ironic posters a la moi, complaining and doing little to change it.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.


"The other side of that coin is, is abuse/shaming intended by the poster? I see a lot of accusations on here where I personally don't think someone is intending to be abusive, but they are accused of it because someone else doesn't like their differing opinion (usually jumped on and turned into a witch hunt by cronies if it's one of the "popular" people who takes offence). We're all human, there will be occasions where we all word something clumsily. Obviously there will be times when people are on the wind-up or being purposefully antagonistic, but in my opinion the majority of differing opinions are not intended as negative, they're just different. It's all very subjective, and people will read what they want to into comments.

I don't post anywhere near as much as I used to, but I'm never afraid to speak my mind or to question something that I don't agree with, despite having a lot of vitriol directed my way over the years...I'm a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their opinion, whether I agree with it or not.

Agreed. I've grown old and tired of people being labelled as shaming or abusive because they've not conformed to the status quo, they've not framed a reply absolutely perfect without any tiny mistake. I also dislike the rather incessant pisstaking of a poster, often new, male and not causing instant fanny flutters so not readily welcomed, who receive "helpful" replies of cake, replies deliberately going off on a tangent. Everyone has off days, even the holier than thou posters like myself so maybe cut some slack? Generally it could be more welcoming though.

I don't think the constant bleating about negativity is particularly productive either. It tends to bring the rather ironic posters a la moi, complaining and doing little to change it. "

Well said Meli!

I despise the practice of putting down newbies, just because they've been unfortunate in their wording.

*I despise people bleating about negativity.

*I despise people demanding we become more inclusive - I'll interact with who I like thanks!

*I'm actually starting to despise the forum. Such a shame, it's been wonderful in getting to know lovely folk. I'll stick to Nocturnaling from now on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I contribute to a forum it is either;

To add a bit of humour, usually daft

or

Provide an opinion eg who is the best music artist

or

Genuinely help someone, if I think I can

I don't get being negative and unpleasant.

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"When I contribute to a forum it is either;

To add a bit of humour, usually daft

or

Provide an opinion eg who is the best music artist

or

Genuinely help someone, if I think I can

I don't get being negative and unpleasant. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be honest recently I've seen more threads like this complaining about negativity than I have actual negative comments.

A lot of the time somebody disagreeing with someone else is seen as negative or shaming when often it isn't. Being negative is absolutely fine and not a problem unless it turns into abuse, I don't really know why we call it how as often as we do. "

Agree with this (surprise! )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be honest recently I've seen more threads like this complaining about negativity than I have actual negative comments.

A lot of the time somebody disagreeing with someone else is seen as negative or shaming when often it isn't. Being negative is absolutely fine and not a problem unless it turns into abuse, I don't really know why we call it how as often as we do.

Agree with this (surprise! )"

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I agree with Meli and Lorna. This place is just the same as it has always been since I first joined here back in 2016. It goes in cycles.

One minute the forums are a love in, the next folk are having a strop. It is as it has always been.

The main bother is that some can’t discuss certain things without turning into a fire cracker.

I was like this when I first started, I took everything personally. But you know what, most folk don’t mean things personally. Throwaway comments they are mostly. But if you’re having a bad day you can take it more personally than it was intended.

I’d like to think *cough* that I’m more chilled out these days after learning my lesson from forum holidays in the past and taking stock of how I react to someone on the forums. They could be going through all kinds of hell in their personal life for all I know. And I’m truly not here to make folk sad or upset. So what I do now if I post on a contentious thread is leave my comment and don’t re-visit it for a day. That way I don’t get my arse in my hand if someone makes a troll like comment on the thread. And it works!

We won’t all get along, but if we chill out and take things less negatively/personally, then we can all putter along together nicely. And maybe ignore those folk who get on your tits.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Over time I've learned to ignore and bypass certain people on the forum as I can't be arsed with the playground mentality. I left that a long time ago and refuse to feed into it. Comments from a random stranger who I will never meet mean nothing on here and are like water off a ducks back x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The other side of that coin is, is abuse/shaming intended by the poster? I see a lot of accusations on here where I personally don't think someone is intending to be abusive, but they are accused of it because someone else doesn't like their differing opinion (usually jumped on and turned into a witch hunt by cronies if it's one of the "popular" people who takes offence). We're all human, there will be occasions where we all word something clumsily. Obviously there will be times when people are on the wind-up or being purposefully antagonistic, but in my opinion the majority of differing opinions are not intended as negative, they're just different. It's all very subjective, and people will read what they want to into comments.

I don't post anywhere near as much as I used to, but I'm never afraid to speak my mind or to question something that I don't agree with, despite having a lot of vitriol directed my way over the years...I'm a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their opinion, whether I agree with it or not.

"

I agree with this... Also i think sometimes people accidentally misread the OP, which is understandable when we are just reading written words on a screen.. But they don't bother to get clarification, they just plough on with their take on it

Others of course sometimes deliberately 'misread' the OP with the intent of causing mischief

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By *izandpaulCouple
over a year ago

merseyside


"I come on here for fun & a giggle.

I amuse myself reading the comments of certain forumites that clearly have no self awareness of how negatively they come across. Having had a number of time outs in the past, I save my disdain & sarcasm for the comments that truly rile me. Sadly, they're becoming far more prolific.

See? Even I'm moaning and whinging now "

Thought it was only me that got time outs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Problem is, a lot of the regular forumites take it in themselves to try and "one-up" each other with the scathingness (if thats a word) of their commenting, in order to prove they are the top opinionated forum dweller, for some odd reason.

I genuinely dont believe most of them are actually quite so passionate or outraged as they make out - but its good for their point scoring and back slapping.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Problem is, a lot of the regular forumites take it in themselves to try and "one-up" each other with the scathingness (if thats a word) of their commenting, in order to prove they are the top opinionated forum dweller, for some odd reason.

I genuinely dont believe most of them are actually quite so passionate or outraged as they make out - but its good for their point scoring and back slapping."

Do they though? I've seen comments like this before and it's always aimed at regular posters but I think people forget be it regular or intermittent we are all individuals. Regular posters may disagree with each other, doesn't mean it's done as one upmanship and I find that in itself quite negative but it's always the fault of the regular poster.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I do not shame others, mostly because I dont care and it's none of my business. But I'm incredibly negative, but that's just me and to be anything else would be disingenuous of me. I have strong opinions and convictions, mostly negative in nature.

I dont expect anybody to interact with me, but neither am willing to change how I think for the benefit of others sensibilities.

But that's you and it's fine.

You don't start negative threads like "Why do guys always...." Or "Is it just me..." that are worded to spawn nothing but negativity, encouraging folk to pile on in the deluded headspace that it'll make the OP more popular.

Are these the threads you're referring to OP? As others tend to be as Frida says above, genuine discussion points where folk will likely disagree (apart from the trolls)

"

Not so much the fact that discussions can’t be had as adults. More the actually shaming.

The example that really didn’t sit well with me was the now infamous anal thread. Perfectly fine OP yet he was shamed over a pic that he had on his profile. Ok it was to everyone’s tastes but the thread shamed him for having such a photo on his profile

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By *izandpaulCouple
over a year ago

merseyside


"I refer to it fairly often because it sums up my approach to life fairly well (for the majority at least), an interview with Anthony Mackie on racism but it applies to so many different topics, subjects and discussions.

The smartest person in a conversation is the one who listens.

Its a cursed trait that not many people have, but being able to view things from beyond the box. To view both boxes, no matter how vile one may be and then base judgement or challenge, or agreement from that. Not from a place of raw emotion.

Just because I listened, and took in what some raging racist may have said does not mean I agree or condone what they have said, or that they are immune from any and all consequences I may send their way once I have listened.

Lots more issues would be resolved through listening and discussion than instant resistance and shutting off all forms of civil communication.

To educate you need to listen to negativity, so you are able to deliver the education successfully. Some people will resist and become an immovable object, and that's on them, but you can't say that you didn't attempt to keep it as a discussion. By digging your own heels in the same way prior, you are restricting discussion yourself. "

I tend to say "oh really" and move on.

Don't like to waste my time listening to racists or bigots.

Do get your drift about listening.

My dear mum used to say you've got 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Problem is, a lot of the regular forumites take it in themselves to try and "one-up" each other with the scathingness (if thats a word) of their commenting, in order to prove they are the top opinionated forum dweller, for some odd reason.

I genuinely dont believe most of them are actually quite so passionate or outraged as they make out - but its good for their point scoring and back slapping.

Do they though? I've seen comments like this before and it's always aimed at regular posters but I think people forget be it regular or intermittent we are all individuals. Regular posters may disagree with each other, doesn't mean it's done as one upmanship and I find that in itself quite negative but it's always the fault of the regular poster. "

Well if you've seen comments of this type and always aimed at the same type of people, that would suggest its true then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do not shame others, mostly because I dont care and it's none of my business. But I'm incredibly negative, but that's just me and to be anything else would be disingenuous of me. I have strong opinions and convictions, mostly negative in nature.

I dont expect anybody to interact with me, but neither am willing to change how I think for the benefit of others sensibilities.

But that's you and it's fine.

You don't start negative threads like "Why do guys always...." Or "Is it just me..." that are worded to spawn nothing but negativity, encouraging folk to pile on in the deluded headspace that it'll make the OP more popular.

Are these the threads you're referring to OP? As others tend to be as Frida says above, genuine discussion points where folk will likely disagree (apart from the trolls)

Not so much the fact that discussions can’t be had as adults. More the actually shaming.

The example that really didn’t sit well with me was the now infamous anal thread. Perfectly fine OP yet he was shamed over a pic that he had on his profile. Ok it was to everyone’s tastes but the thread shamed him for having such a photo on his profile "

I know exactly the thread you are talking about, he wasn't shamed.

He asked for opinions on his photos and he got them when people started to disagree with him he became racist. The entire thread was removed and I think this is part of the problem people ask for opinions, don't like it when they get them and then apparently they have been shamed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Problem is, a lot of the regular forumites take it in themselves to try and "one-up" each other with the scathingness (if thats a word) of their commenting, in order to prove they are the top opinionated forum dweller, for some odd reason.

I genuinely dont believe most of them are actually quite so passionate or outraged as they make out - but its good for their point scoring and back slapping.

Do they though? I've seen comments like this before and it's always aimed at regular posters but I think people forget be it regular or intermittent we are all individuals. Regular posters may disagree with each other, doesn't mean it's done as one upmanship and I find that in itself quite negative but it's always the fault of the regular poster.

Well if you've seen comments of this type and always aimed at the same type of people, that would suggest its true then. "

Is it true or just some people's perception because it always seems to be aimed regular posters but somehow they've got an agenda.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham


"I do not shame others, mostly because I dont care and it's none of my business. But I'm incredibly negative, but that's just me and to be anything else would be disingenuous of me. I have strong opinions and convictions, mostly negative in nature.

I dont expect anybody to interact with me, but neither am willing to change how I think for the benefit of others sensibilities.

But that's you and it's fine.

You don't start negative threads like "Why do guys always...." Or "Is it just me..." that are worded to spawn nothing but negativity, encouraging folk to pile on in the deluded headspace that it'll make the OP more popular.

Are these the threads you're referring to OP? As others tend to be as Frida says above, genuine discussion points where folk will likely disagree (apart from the trolls)

Not so much the fact that discussions can’t be had as adults. More the actually shaming.

The example that really didn’t sit well with me was the now infamous anal thread. Perfectly fine OP yet he was shamed over a pic that he had on his profile. Ok it was to everyone’s tastes but the thread shamed him for having such a photo on his profile "

If it’s the one I’m thinking about, I agree

People were being nasty to him right off the bat and at first he was being very polite with his replies

Doesn’t excuse his actions after. But as I said on the thread. “Be kind” only applies when people choose to. There was no “be kind” in that thread for no other reason than a few people thought his pics weren’t tasteful. And they couldn’t leave it at just saying that.

“Be kind” - “to me, and I’ll only return it if I feel like it”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not negative

I'm anti positive

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

If in doubt, offer love cake. It usually works and it is delicious by the way.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire


"If in doubt, offer love cake. It usually works and it is delicious by the way. "

I think it would be a positive thing to ban any mention of cake or popcorn

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If in doubt, offer love cake. It usually works and it is delicious by the way.

I think it would be a positive thing to ban any mention of cake or popcorn "

And Jaffa cakes?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If in doubt, offer love cake. It usually works and it is delicious by the way.

I think it would be a positive thing to ban any mention of cake or popcorn

And Jaffa cakes?"

Trust Wonko to bring the negativity

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"If in doubt, offer love cake. It usually works and it is delicious by the way.

I think it would be a positive thing to ban any mention of cake or popcorn

And Jaffa cakes?"

I thought you already had the decree absolute on that.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling


"I do not shame others, mostly because I dont care and it's none of my business. But I'm incredibly negative, but that's just me and to be anything else would be disingenuous of me. I have strong opinions and convictions, mostly negative in nature.

I dont expect anybody to interact with me, but neither am willing to change how I think for the benefit of others sensibilities.

But that's you and it's fine.

You don't start negative threads like "Why do guys always...." Or "Is it just me..." that are worded to spawn nothing but negativity, encouraging folk to pile on in the deluded headspace that it'll make the OP more popular.

Are these the threads you're referring to OP? As others tend to be as Frida says above, genuine discussion points where folk will likely disagree (apart from the trolls)

Not so much the fact that discussions can’t be had as adults. More the actually shaming.

The example that really didn’t sit well with me was the now infamous anal thread. Perfectly fine OP yet he was shamed over a pic that he had on his profile. Ok it was to everyone’s tastes but the thread shamed him for having such a photo on his profile

I know exactly the thread you are talking about, he wasn't shamed.

He asked for opinions on his photos and he got them when people started to disagree with him he became racist. The entire thread was removed and I think this is part of the problem people ask for opinions, don't like it when they get them and then apparently they have been shamed. "

I don't think it was the same thread. I know the one you mean, and I don't recall it being about anal - he asked for opinions on his pics and it was mostly civil until somebody noticed a very vulgar status on his profile (I'm not sure what) and then things turned from there and he was the extremely more hostile than anyone else as you say, he went directly for racism and such things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do not shame others, mostly because I dont care and it's none of my business. But I'm incredibly negative, but that's just me and to be anything else would be disingenuous of me. I have strong opinions and convictions, mostly negative in nature.

I dont expect anybody to interact with me, but neither am willing to change how I think for the benefit of others sensibilities.

But that's you and it's fine.

You don't start negative threads like "Why do guys always...." Or "Is it just me..." that are worded to spawn nothing but negativity, encouraging folk to pile on in the deluded headspace that it'll make the OP more popular.

Are these the threads you're referring to OP? As others tend to be as Frida says above, genuine discussion points where folk will likely disagree (apart from the trolls)

Not so much the fact that discussions can’t be had as adults. More the actually shaming.

The example that really didn’t sit well with me was the now infamous anal thread. Perfectly fine OP yet he was shamed over a pic that he had on his profile. Ok it was to everyone’s tastes but the thread shamed him for having such a photo on his profile

I know exactly the thread you are talking about, he wasn't shamed.

He asked for opinions on his photos and he got them when people started to disagree with him he became racist. The entire thread was removed and I think this is part of the problem people ask for opinions, don't like it when they get them and then apparently they have been shamed.

I don't think it was the same thread. I know the one you mean, and I don't recall it being about anal - he asked for opinions on his pics and it was mostly civil until somebody noticed a very vulgar status on his profile (I'm not sure what) and then things turned from there and he was the extremely more hostile than anyone else as you say, he went directly for racism and such things. "

Yes that's the one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do not shame others, mostly because I dont care and it's none of my business. But I'm incredibly negative, but that's just me and to be anything else would be disingenuous of me. I have strong opinions and convictions, mostly negative in nature.

I dont expect anybody to interact with me, but neither am willing to change how I think for the benefit of others sensibilities.

But that's you and it's fine.

You don't start negative threads like "Why do guys always...." Or "Is it just me..." that are worded to spawn nothing but negativity, encouraging folk to pile on in the deluded headspace that it'll make the OP more popular.

Are these the threads you're referring to OP? As others tend to be as Frida says above, genuine discussion points where folk will likely disagree (apart from the trolls)

Not so much the fact that discussions can’t be had as adults. More the actually shaming.

The example that really didn’t sit well with me was the now infamous anal thread. Perfectly fine OP yet he was shamed over a pic that he had on his profile. Ok it was to everyone’s tastes but the thread shamed him for having such a photo on his profile

I know exactly the thread you are talking about, he wasn't shamed.

He asked for opinions on his photos and he got them when people started to disagree with him he became racist. The entire thread was removed and I think this is part of the problem people ask for opinions, don't like it when they get them and then apparently they have been shamed.

I don't think it was the same thread. I know the one you mean, and I don't recall it being about anal - he asked for opinions on his pics and it was mostly civil until somebody noticed a very vulgar status on his profile (I'm not sure what) and then things turned from there and he was the extremely more hostile than anyone else as you say, he went directly for racism and such things. "

Anal extravaganza is still up - is that the one OP refers to? The one with the "model" - he was politely given advice and said thank you. Then trashed them in his status.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If in doubt, offer love cake. It usually works and it is delicious by the way.

I think it would be a positive thing to ban any mention of cake or popcorn

And Jaffa cakes?"

Sorry, you can't. They're in the Hall of Fame now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do not shame others, mostly because I dont care and it's none of my business. But I'm incredibly negative, but that's just me and to be anything else would be disingenuous of me. I have strong opinions and convictions, mostly negative in nature.

I dont expect anybody to interact with me, but neither am willing to change how I think for the benefit of others sensibilities.

But that's you and it's fine.

You don't start negative threads like "Why do guys always...." Or "Is it just me..." that are worded to spawn nothing but negativity, encouraging folk to pile on in the deluded headspace that it'll make the OP more popular.

Are these the threads you're referring to OP? As others tend to be as Frida says above, genuine discussion points where folk will likely disagree (apart from the trolls)

Not so much the fact that discussions can’t be had as adults. More the actually shaming.

The example that really didn’t sit well with me was the now infamous anal thread. Perfectly fine OP yet he was shamed over a pic that he had on his profile. Ok it was to everyone’s tastes but the thread shamed him for having such a photo on his profile

I know exactly the thread you are talking about, he wasn't shamed.

He asked for opinions on his photos and he got them when people started to disagree with him he became racist. The entire thread was removed and I think this is part of the problem people ask for opinions, don't like it when they get them and then apparently they have been shamed.

I don't think it was the same thread. I know the one you mean, and I don't recall it being about anal - he asked for opinions on his pics and it was mostly civil until somebody noticed a very vulgar status on his profile (I'm not sure what) and then things turned from there and he was the extremely more hostile than anyone else as you say, he went directly for racism and such things.

Anal extravaganza is still up - is that the one OP refers to? The one with the "model" - he was politely given advice and said thank you. Then trashed them in his status."

Thats the one I was thinking of.

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By *ollycouple71Couple
over a year ago

manchester


"If in doubt, offer love cake. It usually works and it is delicious by the way.

I think it would be a positive thing to ban any mention of cake or popcorn "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If in doubt, offer love cake. It usually works and it is delicious by the way.

I think it would be a positive thing to ban any mention of cake or popcorn "

I don't. We can't just ban things because we don't like it, that in itself is negative.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Since my return I have noticed that there has been lots of negativity on some threads.

Body shaming

Photo shaming

Kink shaming

Don’t get me wrong when people deliberately antagonise their yes it can turn brutal and that may be justified to some degree.

But other people who start threads are just genuine in their questions but yet still get shamed in one way or another.

My question is do you think about your comment before commenting?

You don’t give a fuck?

You are scared to go against the opinion of everyone else?

Are you like this away from fab? "

It's also jumping on people unnecessarily for having an opinion that differs. If I feel attacked then I will stand my ground. You would think It's kids posting at times not grown adults.

If you don't like someone, avoid them. If you do respond then do so with courtesy and respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do not shame others, mostly because I dont care and it's none of my business. But I'm incredibly negative, but that's just me and to be anything else would be disingenuous of me. I have strong opinions and convictions, mostly negative in nature.

I dont expect anybody to interact with me, but neither am willing to change how I think for the benefit of others sensibilities.

But that's you and it's fine.

You don't start negative threads like "Why do guys always...." Or "Is it just me..." that are worded to spawn nothing but negativity, encouraging folk to pile on in the deluded headspace that it'll make the OP more popular.

Are these the threads you're referring to OP? As others tend to be as Frida says above, genuine discussion points where folk will likely disagree (apart from the trolls)

Not so much the fact that discussions can’t be had as adults. More the actually shaming.

The example that really didn’t sit well with me was the now infamous anal thread. Perfectly fine OP yet he was shamed over a pic that he had on his profile. Ok it was to everyone’s tastes but the thread shamed him for having such a photo on his profile "

I hadn't actually read the whole thread. Only when it kept being brought back. I have read it all now and yes, you're right. They were very graphic photos and there were a lot of shaming remarks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If in doubt, offer love cake. It usually works and it is delicious by the way.

I think it would be a positive thing to ban any mention of cake or popcorn

And Jaffa cakes?

I thought you already had the decree absolute on that. "

I wish

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I just scroll on by the negatives. If people want to post that then good luck to them but it gets ignored.

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Covent Garden


"Since my return..."

^

^

He's the Messiah. It's the second coming.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s can be.

Take the Ddlg threads. Yes, it’s not for everyone, but there are the posters who absolutely revel in shaming those who partake in that particular kink. I get it, it’s not for everyone and that’s fine, but it’s easy enough to move on and join another thread.

I don’t give a fuck if people judge me for it, but others do care, and have messaged me saying how much it upsets them, so I will always call people out for shaming, and that’s goes for any kink. It goes on a lot, especially for a site such as this, and I will always stand up for peoples right to like what they like.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling


"It’s can be.

Take the Ddlg threads. Yes, it’s not for everyone, but there are the posters who absolutely revel in shaming those who partake in that particular kink. I get it, it’s not for everyone and that’s fine, but it’s easy enough to move on and join another thread.

I don’t give a fuck if people judge me for it, but others do care, and have messaged me saying how much it upsets them, so I will always call people out for shaming, and that’s goes for any kink. It goes on a lot, especially for a site such as this, and I will always stand up for peoples right to like what they like.

"

As somebody else has said, it's then the attempt at reversal of the situation and the shamee then trying to play the victim which makes it all the more irritating behaviour, which then makes me feel even more justified and determined to either educate or stand up to their behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just post what on my mind at the time

99% off the time the only person I am shameing is myself do a pritty good job off it as well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s can be.

Take the Ddlg threads. Yes, it’s not for everyone, but there are the posters who absolutely revel in shaming those who partake in that particular kink. I get it, it’s not for everyone and that’s fine, but it’s easy enough to move on and join another thread.

I don’t give a fuck if people judge me for it, but others do care, and have messaged me saying how much it upsets them, so I will always call people out for shaming, and that’s goes for any kink. It goes on a lot, especially for a site such as this, and I will always stand up for peoples right to like what they like.

As somebody else has said, it's then the attempt at reversal of the situation and the shamee then trying to play the victim which makes it all the more irritating behaviour, which then makes me feel even more justified and determined to either educate or stand up to their behaviour. "

Yes, I agree, but it’s pointless if there is no self awareness round peoples actions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I pray for a world where we can just love each other unconditionally, that’s my dream, my motto is be more gerbil, they love, they don’t hate

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"I pray for a world where we can just love each other unconditionally, that’s my dream, my motto is be more gerbil, they love, they don’t hate"

And they very ocassionally nibble but never bite

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I pray for a world where we can just love each other unconditionally, that’s my dream, my motto is be more gerbil, they love, they don’t hate"

Daddy Dom/little gerbil is a world I want to live in

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"Since my return I have noticed that there has been lots of negativity on some threads. "

It's been the same the whole time I've been here.

People are far from perfect and whinging is a full time hobby for many. Almost any social media channel will concur. Negativity sells.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I pray for a world where we can just love each other unconditionally, that’s my dream, my motto is be more gerbil, they love, they don’t hate

Daddy Dom/little gerbil is a world I want to live in "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s can be.

Take the Ddlg threads. Yes, it’s not for everyone, but there are the posters who absolutely revel in shaming those who partake in that particular kink. I get it, it’s not for everyone and that’s fine, but it’s easy enough to move on and join another thread.

I don’t give a fuck if people judge me for it, but others do care, and have messaged me saying how much it upsets them, so I will always call people out for shaming, and that’s goes for any kink. It goes on a lot, especially for a site such as this, and I will always stand up for peoples right to like what they like.

As somebody else has said, it's then the attempt at reversal of the situation and the shamee then trying to play the victim which makes it all the more irritating behaviour, which then makes me feel even more justified and determined to either educate or stand up to their behaviour.

Yes, I agree, but it’s pointless if there is no self awareness round peoples actions."

Especially the ones who outright express their disgust with terms like "the disgusting", "that's creepy"....etc and then preach tolerance, acceptance and 'kindness' on another thread. Laughable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I pray for a world where we can just love each other unconditionally, that’s my dream, my motto is be more gerbil, they love, they don’t hate

Daddy Dom/little gerbil is a world I want to live in "

Don't gerbils eat their own babies?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s can be.

Take the Ddlg threads. Yes, it’s not for everyone, but there are the posters who absolutely revel in shaming those who partake in that particular kink. I get it, it’s not for everyone and that’s fine, but it’s easy enough to move on and join another thread.

I don’t give a fuck if people judge me for it, but others do care, and have messaged me saying how much it upsets them, so I will always call people out for shaming, and that’s goes for any kink. It goes on a lot, especially for a site such as this, and I will always stand up for peoples right to like what they like.

"

100 x this, Hippy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I pray for a world where we can just love each other unconditionally, that’s my dream, my motto is be more gerbil, they love, they don’t hate

Daddy Dom/little gerbil is a world I want to live in

Don't gerbils eat their own babies? "

I said what I said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Since my return I have noticed that there has been lots of negativity on some threads.

Body shaming

Photo shaming

Kink shaming

Don’t get me wrong when people deliberately antagonise their yes it can turn brutal and that may be justified to some degree.

But other people who start threads are just genuine in their questions but yet still get shamed in one way or another.

My question is do you think about your comment before commenting?

You don’t give a fuck?

You are scared to go against the opinion of everyone else?

Are you like this away from fab? "

Just give my tuppence worth in the threads l like , don't do negativity tbh , life's too short to get wrapped up in that . .I try to keep it simple and fun , the way things should be , in here as well as the real world

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s can be.

Take the Ddlg threads. Yes, it’s not for everyone, but there are the posters who absolutely revel in shaming those who partake in that particular kink. I get it, it’s not for everyone and that’s fine, but it’s easy enough to move on and join another thread.

I don’t give a fuck if people judge me for it, but others do care, and have messaged me saying how much it upsets them, so I will always call people out for shaming, and that’s goes for any kink. It goes on a lot, especially for a site such as this, and I will always stand up for peoples right to like what they like.

As somebody else has said, it's then the attempt at reversal of the situation and the shamee then trying to play the victim which makes it all the more irritating behaviour, which then makes me feel even more justified and determined to either educate or stand up to their behaviour.

Yes, I agree, but it’s pointless if there is no self awareness round peoples actions.

Especially the ones who outright express their disgust with terms like "the disgusting", "that's creepy"....etc and then preach tolerance, acceptance and 'kindness' on another thread. Laughable."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like coming to a church and shaming people for praying..

This is a world of kink and the unusual, I consider myself in someways a guest in someone else’s house, bring your best behaviour and your most kind, caring and forgiving disposition or leave, since this ‘house’ really isn’t likely to be for you.

Live and let live, be supportive or say nothing at all, we are each here for our own thing, entertaining differing degrees of the unusual. I don’t believe that ‘normal’ exists in society, let alone here in a land of the exotic. Unless it’s illegal, have at it. I celebrate your right to express yourself through your kink.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Like coming to a church and shaming people for praying..

This is a world of kink and the unusual, I consider myself in someways a guest in someone else’s house, bring your best behaviour and your most kind, caring and forgiving disposition or leave, since this ‘house’ really isn’t likely to be for you.

Live and let live, be supportive or say nothing at all, we are each here for our own thing, entertaining differing degrees of the unusual. I don’t believe that ‘normal’ exists in society, let alone here in a land of the exotic. Unless it’s illegal, have at it. I celebrate your right to express yourself through your kink. "

This is a great way to put it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only read the post that mention cake and popcorn. A ban on these words means we have to talk about sex

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)


"I only read the post that mention cake and popcorn. A ban on these words means we have to talk about sex "

...any food stuffs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Overall, mine are considered

There are times, however, when my sarcasm wins out

There are also times where a comment needs questioning and alternative views offered

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Like coming to a church and shaming people for praying..

This is a world of kink and the unusual, I consider myself in someways a guest in someone else’s house, bring your best behaviour and your most kind, caring and forgiving disposition or leave, since this ‘house’ really isn’t likely to be for you.

Live and let live, be supportive or say nothing at all, we are each here for our own thing, entertaining differing degrees of the unusual. I don’t believe that ‘normal’ exists in society, let alone here in a land of the exotic. Unless it’s illegal, have at it. I celebrate your right to express yourself through your kink. "

Great anaolgy Hades

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By *icassolifelikeMan
over a year ago

Luton

I shamed myself once.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I only read the post that mention cake and popcorn. A ban on these words means we have to talk about sex

...any food stuffs "

( • )( • )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I made a comment in that anal extravaganza thread saying that I wish I hadn't looked. The comments did seem to get progressively worse after that.

I hate to think I've inadvertently shamed someone as that is not my intention at all. I'll think twice about posting from now on in case it might be taken as inappropriate/offensive/shaming.

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