FabSwingers.com forum: (How to) get over it

By *C79 OP Man
over a year ago

Caterham

Asking for some genuine advice here.

There is someone I have really liked for years. We are good friends & also work together. She is not only physically my type but she's one of the best human beings i've ever met. I have a real thing for her! Problem is that i am 95% sure she knows what I think of her & i am 99% sure nothing would ever happen. I would never risk our friendship but some days, it is absolute torture knowing i'll have to battle and balance how I feel.

Some life circumstances add further complication which i think reduces the possibility of anything even further.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How do you manage the emotional balance?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Asking for some genuine advice here.

Some life circumstances add further complication which i think reduces the possibility of anything even further.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How do you manage the emotional balance?"

In my opinion I wouldn't because 1 you work together and that's like shit on your own door step and 2 if she rejects you then things mite because awkward and why wreck a good friendship

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I studiously ignore it, keep my mind off it, and keep busy

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By *C79 OP Man
over a year ago

Caterham

"In my opinion I wouldn't because 1 you work together and that's like shit on your own door step and 2 if she rejects you then things mite because awkward and why wreck a good friendship "

Thanks for the feedback. I'm certain that i'm never going to act on it. What i'm wondering is if anyone can suggest ways to manage the internal struggles that come with consciously deciding not to act. Also, I know I compare everyone else to her & nobody is ever good enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Coming as someone who has fucked things up with perfect women more times than I care to count and been affected by the same struggles you probably are.

My only advice is not easy but its to try to stop putting yous two together in your head rather acknowledging you are both people who see the colour red and have different life paths.

If your not right for her she is not right for you either.It's a two way street always at least thats what helps me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I take it one or both of you is attached?

It’s a tricky situation for sure. I’m not sure I could live with saying nothing - surely that’s better than having a tormented friendship!

It sounds like you have put her on a pedestal too. That’s understandable, as infatuation can do that, but bear in mind that few people can live up to it in real life!

Good luck

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By *C79 OP Man
over a year ago

Caterham

"I take it one or both of you is attached?

It’s a tricky situation for sure. I’m not sure I could live with saying nothing - surely that’s better than having a tormented friendship!

It sounds like you have put her on a pedestal too. That’s understandable, as infatuation can do that, but bear in mind that few people can live up to it in real life!

Good luck

Neither of us are attached. I am a separated dad but thats a different matter. I've said enough in the past for her to know my thoughts. I think you are right, getting her off the pedistal is tough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I take it one or both of you is attached?

It’s a tricky situation for sure. I’m not sure I could live with saying nothing - surely that’s better than having a tormented friendship!

It sounds like you have put her on a pedestal too. That’s understandable, as infatuation can do that, but bear in mind that few people can live up to it in real life!

Good luck

Neither of us are attached. I am a separated dad but thats a different matter. I've said enough in the past for her to know my thoughts. I think you are right, getting her off the pedistal is tough."

That’s really hard

If you’ve said enough for her to know your thoughts, and she hasn’t acted on it, then it’s definitely time to move on. Easier said than done, I know x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had a similar situation myself , not a work colleague but known her years and had a good friendship together that lasted through both our breakups , started having stronger feelings for her and I knew it was probably only coming from me , but I just asked her out for food and a beer and told her how I felt.

She wasn't in the same place as me , but I knew if I didn't ask her I would of been wasting years thinking about what if .Still good friends and it's not bothered ether of us , apart from the odd joke about me getting patched

Go for it m8

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By *LiamMan
over a year ago

Midlands

I had that same thing, I still love her to pieces but have had to cut all ties with her and haven't spoken to her in nearly 2 years..

You feel like you can't go a few days without her being around but the truth is mate she's just like everyone else in your life.. There is a time limit in everyone and sometimes you just have to let go to elevate yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You live once. Say what you feel. Limitations are imaginary. This isn't just friendship(from your side) if you feel this way. So, you're kind of lying now for yourself and her anyway. She has mind too, so, whatever she says, you will feel better and forever, maybe, probably will be different, but better. You can't destroy what doesn't exist. If you have this always on your mind, this can effect your mental health and heart functions in long run. You are most important and first in your life

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By *akie32Man
over a year ago

winchester

ive had similar in the past, my fix was to find someone else, we wernt right for each other and it would have never worked, so distancing my mind worked for me, and luckaly i found someone else, and i never thought of her that way again

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By *unning LinguistMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Yes. I've been in exactly the same situation. Still am though we don't work for the same company anymore. We've come very close to doing something about it on 3 or 4 occasions and we flirt so much many of our colleagues are convinced we have. But I think we both value our friendship too much. Oh and the fact I was already married with 2 young kids when we first met was a factor...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my very limited experience, if its complicated already then a fresh start with someone else is for the best. Who knows, maybe if you DID have a relationship, after a few months you might have found out that you weren't as compatible as you thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You dont

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

We mistook friendship love for romantic love and went there. It was clear from pretty early on that being best friends doesn't mean that we were good romantic partners and the toxicity crept in. After the break up that tore us both apart mentally and physically. We managed after time to regain a level of friendship. but I've lost a best friend and that will haunt me forever

Nowadays friendzone love is more important to me and I just wouldn't go there.

Embrace your feelings for her and try to imagine loosing her and hopefully that will help quash anything. One day possibly you might be able to talk to her about it as her feelings towards you will help with any closure

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By *C79 OP Man
over a year ago

Caterham

There are some good pieces of advice in here & I'll take what seems to fit my situation. Thankyou.

Its reassuring to hear that what seems to be quite an isolating scenario is actually shared by many people. That is somewhat comforting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Asking for some genuine advice here.

Some life circumstances add further complication which i think reduces the possibility of anything even further.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How do you manage the emotional balance?"

I'd go with the 5% and the 1%

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

You need to find someone as equally awesome and I'm sure that will help distract you buddy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There’s only one sure way to solve this conundrum.

Play spin the bottle, if she slips you the tongue, slip her the finger.

You’ll know from there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a similar thing happen in the past. Unfortunately the only way I could get over it was to cut off all contact.

It was slightly different as this woman was stringing me along a bit and would get d*unk and tell me she wanted more, then the next day go back to normal.

It hurt at first but got easier over time. Then I met my amazing wife and I’m sure you’ll meet someone who wants you just and much as you want them

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Still in love with an ex girlfriend from over 20 years ago. We are Facebook friends so I do see what’s happening in her life.

So why didn’t we settle down and get married and live happily ever after ?

Kids I wanted them, she didn’t.

It really hurt at the time as I absolutely loved every bit of her, especially her laugh. But we both knew it wasn’t going to work long term. She’s married and a step mum now and looking at her posts, seems very happy.

Love is not always reciprocated but it should be given wherever possible. My love for her means if she’s happy, then I’m happy for her. So I find it easy to live with, the disappointment, knowing I did the right thing for someone I deeply love. Who knows maybe I’ll hear her beautiful laughter in the future, when she divorces that loser

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Ask how her weekend went is usually a good indication of her lifestyle i.e. Single. Ask her out for a group coffee is not committing to anything. You can get to know her in a relaxed situation. Good luck!

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