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"Use the most common tool on here Block them " That was my first thought but it seems like a bit of a dick move as we were getting along well. | |||
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"Use the most common tool on here Block them That was my first thought but it seems like a bit of a dick move as we were getting along well." Will they take a friendly 'back off' message? | |||
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"If you chatted with someone in a club 100+ miles away but didn’t play. Then you had a chat on here and decided you’d meet up next time you were at that club but clearly stated it wouldn’t be for at least 3-6 months due to a hectic schedule. What would you do if this person was messaging daily/weekly? Commenting on every status update or meet request you post even though they can’t meet?" Lol Are you asking for a friend?   | |||
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"Just remind them that they are x amount of miles away and the club meet is still open but for now something closer to home is the only option you have at the moment " It’s not just that though. It’s getting tiresome. | |||
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"Use the most common tool on here Block them That was my first thought but it seems like a bit of a dick move as we were getting along well. Will they take a friendly 'back off' message?" I’m not sure. I guess there’s only one way to find out. | |||
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"If you chatted with someone in a club 100+ miles away but didn’t play. Then you had a chat on here and decided you’d meet up next time you were at that club but clearly stated it wouldn’t be for at least 3-6 months due to a hectic schedule. What would you do if this person was messaging daily/weekly? Commenting on every status update or meet request you post even though they can’t meet? Lol Are you asking for a friend? "No. I work for Sydney University and this is purely for research purposes | |||
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"I do feel thst any advice should come from a couple who may or may not have been in this situation, but I think its a decision that you should make as a couple Good luck with whatever you decide" Thanks  | |||
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"They might just want to be friends. Some people prefer to stay in touch. It's not necessarily a bad thing. "Possibly but it is getting borderline obsessive. Basically anything we do/post on here they message saying they wish they could meet or asking if we’d drop our plans to drive to their house 100 miles away. | |||
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"Just remind them that they are x amount of miles away and the club meet is still open but for now something closer to home is the only option you have at the moment It’s not just that though. It’s getting tiresome." Just block me then | |||
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"If you are still willing to meet you could politely ask him to back off, if you are completely over it then just block, saves a lot of hassle " I think we’re leaning towards the latter unfortunately. | |||
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"Use the most common tool on here Block them That was my first thought but it seems like a bit of a dick move as we were getting along well." The thing is - they're are doing a dick move - you're just responding to their behaviour. | |||
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"I'd just say I'll give you a shout when I'm ready to meet up. Chat soon" We’ve said similar at least 5 times. | |||
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"Just remind them that they are x amount of miles away and the club meet is still open but for now something closer to home is the only option you have at the moment It’s not just that though. It’s getting tiresome. Just block me then "Done  | |||
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"Use the most common tool on here Block them That was my first thought but it seems like a bit of a dick move as we were getting along well. The thing is - they're are doing a dick move - you're just responding to their behaviour. " I think you’re right. I just wanted to see what others would do in the same situation. | |||
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"They might just want to be friends. Some people prefer to stay in touch. It's not necessarily a bad thing. "I think I’m guilty of this. I’m very loyal to friends and it can be taken the wrong way. It’s probably best to have a chat with them and tell them what you are thinking | |||
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"They might just want to be friends. Some people prefer to stay in touch. It's not necessarily a bad thing.
Possibly but it is getting borderline obsessive. Basically anything we do/post on here they message saying they wish they could meet or asking if we’d drop our plans to drive to their house 100 miles away."They will read this and the problem may disappear. I'd just say sorry it won't work after all and I won't be travelling that way again. | |||
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"They might just want to be friends. Some people prefer to stay in touch. It's not necessarily a bad thing.
I think I’m guilty of this. I’m very loyal to friends and it can be taken the wrong way. It’s probably best to have a chat with them and tell them what you are thinking "I’ve chatted to you loads. It’s 2 completely different situations. You seem to know the right times to message and also when the conversation has ran it’s course. You’re also not asking to meet when it’s impossible. | |||
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"They might just want to be friends. Some people prefer to stay in touch. It's not necessarily a bad thing.
I think I’m guilty of this. I’m very loyal to friends and it can be taken the wrong way. It’s probably best to have a chat with them and tell them what you are thinking "Don't feel bad. I think it's a fine line between keeping in touch enough vs too much. Can't win either way sometimes. | |||
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"Am sure they will see this thread anyway and get the message haha "They only use the forums for club guest lists. Unless they green arrow us 
I didn’t actually think about that. | |||
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"Block. This sort of behaviour is a fast track to pissing me off. He would’ve been history already. " That seems to be the most popular answer. | |||
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"If you chatted with someone in a club 100+ miles away but didn’t play. Then you had a chat on here and decided you’d meet up next time you were at that club but clearly stated it wouldn’t be for at least 3-6 months due to a hectic schedule. What would you do if this person was messaging daily/weekly? Commenting on every status update or meet request you post even though they can’t meet?" Too much I'd tire very easily of attention so intense In fact, it bores me Certainly would lose interest | |||
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"They might just want to be friends. Some people prefer to stay in touch. It's not necessarily a bad thing.
Possibly but it is getting borderline obsessive. Basically anything we do/post on here they message saying they wish they could meet or asking if we’d drop our plans to drive to their house 100 miles away.
They will read this and the problem may disappear.
I'd just say sorry it won't work after all and I won't be travelling that way again."It’s our favourite club. We will be going back and we’re almost certain to bump into each other again. | |||
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"They might just want to be friends. Some people prefer to stay in touch. It's not necessarily a bad thing.
Possibly but it is getting borderline obsessive. Basically anything we do/post on here they message saying they wish they could meet or asking if we’d drop our plans to drive to their house 100 miles away."Remind them of what you’ve previously said regarding meeting & limitations, be blunt & honest that the constant messages are making you uncomfortable. If they don’t take the clear hint to back off, calm it down, then block | |||
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"They might just want to be friends. Some people prefer to stay in touch. It's not necessarily a bad thing.
Possibly but it is getting borderline obsessive. Basically anything we do/post on here they message saying they wish they could meet or asking if we’d drop our plans to drive to their house 100 miles away.
Remind them of what you’ve previously said regarding meeting & limitations, be blunt & honest that the constant messages are making you uncomfortable. If they don’t take the clear hint to back off, calm it down, then block "This seems less harsh than blocking. I ignored his last message but it’s the 3rd day in a row he’s messaged and I just didn’t have anything else to say. If he messages back I’ll try this approach. | |||
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"I’d give them a back off message first, and remind them that you do intend to play with them when the time is right, which isn’t right now. If he doesn’t get the message, tell him you’re not taking his shit and block him " This seems the best approach. | |||
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"I'd just say I'll give you a shout when I'm ready to meet up. Chat soon We’ve said similar at least 5 times." Oh yeah then, they have become pest I'd just block them. It's not your fault its them and it will have happened to them before . | |||
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"I'd just say I'll give you a shout when I'm ready to meet up. Chat soon We’ve said similar at least 5 times. Oh yeah then, they have become pest I'd just block them. It's not your fault its them and it will have happened to them before ." I don’t mind the odd message just so we don’t forget about them but this is just excessive. We’ll tell them to back off and then if they continue we’ll block. | |||
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"If they aren’t listening to you saying you’ll meet them at the club as you arranged, I’d stop replying to their messages. I’d they persist then message back and say you’re going to block them now because they have put you right off and aren’t taking notice of what you have politely asked, then block before they can reply" I think it’s between that or just telling them to back off next time and then block if they persist. | |||
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"I had a similar situation. Firstly I was polite. Then I was not so polite. Then I was blunt and eventually blocked. You’ve been clear with your boundaries and they aren’t respecting them. I guess a lot depends on what value you think they have to you…. Do what feels right." At the end of the day they’re just someone we had a brief chat with in a club. We’ve chatted on here but not to the point we’d consider us friends. We said we’d meet next time we were at that club with no guarantees of play just to chat and have a few drinks together. I guess I just don’t want to offend them. | |||
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"Nooo that behaviour really gets on my pip, I’d have to block, I can’t stand it. I do have limited patience these days though "I guess stuff like this is a lot more common for single women to deal with. | |||
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"Part of me thinks just carry on and hope they find someone else to stalk, the other part wants to tell them that although you get on the messaging is becoming a bit of a chore and you don't want to get bored of chatting with them " He knows he’s speaking to the male half. So he’s always polite and respectful. It’s just getting a bit much and if it continues we won’t want to meet him. | |||
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"If you like chatting to that person and like their attention - keep chatting. If it's weirding you out and you no longer feel comfortable - I'd say my apologies, block them and not come back to that club. Some strangers can be a tad overwhelming and you don't know how they will take rejection. " I just keep having the thought that if he’s like this now will he become more intense if we do meet. | |||
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"They might just want to be friends. Some people prefer to stay in touch. It's not necessarily a bad thing.
Possibly but it is getting borderline obsessive. Basically anything we do/post on here they message saying they wish they could meet or asking if we’d drop our plans to drive to their house 100 miles away.
Remind them of what you’ve previously said regarding meeting & limitations, be blunt & honest that the constant messages are making you uncomfortable. If they don’t take the clear hint to back off, calm it down, then block
This seems less harsh than blocking. I ignored his last message but it’s the 3rd day in a row he’s messaged and I just didn’t have anything else to say. If he messages back I’ll try this approach."Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. However, they don’t get an opportunity to change their way unless told they are being too full on, to them they might not be. | |||
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"Part of me thinks just carry on and hope they find someone else to stalk, the other part wants to tell them that although you get on the messaging is becoming a bit of a chore and you don't want to get bored of chatting with them He knows he’s speaking to the male half. So he’s always polite and respectful. It’s just getting a bit much and if it continues we won’t want to meet him." Just tell him that, I've had the same thing and it can kill the desire | |||
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"I had a similar situation. Firstly I was polite. Then I was not so polite. Then I was blunt and eventually blocked. You’ve been clear with your boundaries and they aren’t respecting them. I guess a lot depends on what value you think they have to you…. Do what feels right. At the end of the day they’re just someone we had a brief chat with in a club. We’ve chatted on here but not to the point we’d consider us friends. We said we’d meet next time we were at that club with no guarantees of play just to chat and have a few drinks together. I guess I just don’t want to offend them." You're being careful with their feelings. Are they being as careful with yours? If you let them know the issue and nothing changes - I guess you will have your answer. But it is supposed to be fun at the end of the day. Not dreading the next message. | |||
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"If you like chatting to that person and like their attention - keep chatting. If it's weirding you out and you no longer feel comfortable - I'd say my apologies, block them and not come back to that club. Some strangers can be a tad overwhelming and you don't know how they will take rejection. I just keep having the thought that if he’s like this now will he become more intense if we do meet." Just sounds a bit pushy and gaslighty (if it's even a word). I would definitely be weary. If you don't push them away now - they might be even pushier in real life and feel entitled to have sex with you, because you know, you've been chatting for so long! If you do push him away now and bump into him at that same club - god only knows what drama they might cause after a few drinks. Good luck OP with whatever decision you make. Missus | |||
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"Part of me thinks just carry on and hope they find someone else to stalk, the other part wants to tell them that although you get on the messaging is becoming a bit of a chore and you don't want to get bored of chatting with them He knows he’s speaking to the male half. So he’s always polite and respectful. It’s just getting a bit much and if it continues we won’t want to meet him. Just tell him that, I've had the same thing and it can kill the desire " Thanks for the advice | |||
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"I had a similar situation. Firstly I was polite. Then I was not so polite. Then I was blunt and eventually blocked. You’ve been clear with your boundaries and they aren’t respecting them. I guess a lot depends on what value you think they have to you…. Do what feels right. At the end of the day they’re just someone we had a brief chat with in a club. We’ve chatted on here but not to the point we’d consider us friends. We said we’d meet next time we were at that club with no guarantees of play just to chat and have a few drinks together. I guess I just don’t want to offend them. You're being careful with their feelings. Are they being as careful with yours? If you let them know the issue and nothing changes - I guess you will have your answer. But it is supposed to be fun at the end of the day. Not dreading the next message. " You’re right. I think we know what to do. | |||
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"They might just want to be friends. Some people prefer to stay in touch. It's not necessarily a bad thing.
Possibly but it is getting borderline obsessive. Basically anything we do/post on here they message saying they wish they could meet or asking if we’d drop our plans to drive to their house 100 miles away."Block. That's just really pushy and a little bit creepy. | |||
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"If you like chatting to that person and like their attention - keep chatting. If it's weirding you out and you no longer feel comfortable - I'd say my apologies, block them and not come back to that club. Some strangers can be a tad overwhelming and you don't know how they will take rejection. I just keep having the thought that if he’s like this now will he become more intense if we do meet. Just sounds a bit pushy and gaslighty (if it's even a word). I would definitely be weary. If you don't push them away now - they might be even pushier in real life and feel entitled to have sex with you, because you know, you've been chatting for so long! If you do push him away now and bump into him at that same club - god only knows what drama they might cause after a few drinks. Good luck OP with whatever decision you make. Missus " It’s our favourite club so chances are we’ll see him again. Plus he’s messaged when we’ve been to other clubs in that area. Thanks for the advice | |||
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"These are signs that you've had a lucky escape so block.... As it's very creepy" It’s getting that way. | |||
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"They might just want to be friends. Some people prefer to stay in touch. It's not necessarily a bad thing.
Possibly but it is getting borderline obsessive. Basically anything we do/post on here they message saying they wish they could meet or asking if we’d drop our plans to drive to their house 100 miles away.
Block. That's just really pushy and a little bit creepy."That’s what we thought. It’s a shame because when we talked in a club he seemed great but I guess anyone can put on an act for a short period. | |||
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"Super clingy people are always a red flag. Better to end it all now "I think you’re right | |||
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"I have no experience of clubs etc, but let me tell you that this would annoy me a lot! I’ve had guys message me a lot even though we’re not meeting. It’s like they’re lonely and want some kind of pseudo-girlfriend experience. I like to be nice, but my life is too busy to provide that. " Yeah that’s sort of what’s happening here. Like he’s taking comfort in having a few messages back and forth regularly even though he knows we’re not meeting for a while. It was ok at first but it’s become boring fast. | |||
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"Super clingy people are always a red flag. Better to end it all now
I think you’re right "I’d be concerned they may turn hostile if they see you having fun, getting meets/veris while they are “waiting their turn”. | |||
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"I have no experience of clubs etc, but let me tell you that this would annoy me a lot! I’ve had guys message me a lot even though we’re not meeting. It’s like they’re lonely and want some kind of pseudo-girlfriend experience. I like to be nice, but my life is too busy to provide that. " Yeah I think a lot of men are looking for that. Messaging just for a "chat". But can't chat with everyone who asks, can we? Im now pretty blunt and say "forums are for chat". You have to hit it off with them, and feel they could be a friend to want to do that. Doesn't seem as though that's the case here. | |||
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"Super clingy people are always a red flag. Better to end it all now
I think you’re right
I’d be concerned they may turn hostile if they see you having fun, getting meets/veris while they are “waiting their turn”."I hadn’t really thought about that. Maybe that’s why he messages every time we post a meet. | |||
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"Super clingy people are always a red flag. Better to end it all now
I think you’re right
I’d be concerned they may turn hostile if they see you having fun, getting meets/veris while they are “waiting their turn”.
I hadn’t really thought about that. Maybe that’s why he messages every time we post a meet. "Is it a man or a couple? | |||
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"Super clingy people are always a red flag. Better to end it all now
I think you’re right
I’d be concerned they may turn hostile if they see you having fun, getting meets/veris while they are “waiting their turn”.
I hadn’t really thought about that. Maybe that’s why he messages every time we post a meet.
Is it a man or a couple? "A man. | |||
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"I have no experience of clubs etc, but let me tell you that this would annoy me a lot! I’ve had guys message me a lot even though we’re not meeting. It’s like they’re lonely and want some kind of pseudo-girlfriend experience. I like to be nice, but my life is too busy to provide that. Yeah that’s sort of what’s happening here. Like he’s taking comfort in having a few messages back and forth regularly even though he knows we’re not meeting for a while. It was ok at first but it’s become boring fast." Totally get you. Fine at first but then the messages elicit an  response. I myself have decided to take a firmer stance with this, even though I feel bad about doing so. Some guys just feel better about their lives when they have a woman to ‘check in’ with daily. But it cannot be sustained without the other party getting bored and a bit pissed off! Also, neediness isn’t attractive.
Here’s how I’d play it:
Dear X
It has been good corresponding with you, but we’re thinking that there is probably no point in communicating quite so frequently. Why don’t we get back in touch with you nearer the time of our meet, and we can see how we’re all fixed then.
Bye for now,
…..
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"Post a link to this thread on your status update. They might decide they don't want to contact you again after seeing it" like this | |||
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"I have no experience of clubs etc, but let me tell you that this would annoy me a lot! I’ve had guys message me a lot even though we’re not meeting. It’s like they’re lonely and want some kind of pseudo-girlfriend experience. I like to be nice, but my life is too busy to provide that. Yeah that’s sort of what’s happening here. Like he’s taking comfort in having a few messages back and forth regularly even though he knows we’re not meeting for a while. It was ok at first but it’s become boring fast. Totally get you. Fine at first but then the messages elicit an response. I myself have decided to take a firmer stance with this, even though I feel bad about doing so. Some guys just feel better about their lives when they have a woman to ‘check in’ with daily. But it cannot be sustained without the other party getting bored and a bit pissed off! Also, neediness isn’t attractive.
Here’s how I’d play it:
Dear X
It has been good corresponding with you, but we’re thinking that there is probably no point in communicating quite so frequently. Why don’t we get back in touch with you nearer the time of our meet, and we can see how we’re all fixed then.
Bye for now,
…..
"I think a meet is off the table now but I will try and be as polite as that rather than too blunt. | |||
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Its a tough one as obviously they're keen but it's like being mean to be puppy.
Maybe stretch your answers back to a couple of days that will cure the heat | |||
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"They might just want to be friends. Some people prefer to stay in touch. It's not necessarily a bad thing.
Possibly but it is getting borderline obsessive. Basically anything we do/post on here they message saying they wish they could meet or asking if we’d drop our plans to drive to their house 100 miles away."I would be tempted to say something along the lines of"you've already explained your circumstances in they you can't meet for a while, and that they need to show some patience or you will loose interet as you don't like being pushed/pressurised". They may of seen this post too and hopefully they'll take the hint. | |||
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"Have you thought about sending the link for the forum topic
Its a tough one as obviously they're keen but it's like being mean to be puppy.
Maybe stretch your answers back to a couple of days that will cure the heat"I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I just wanted other peoples opinions to see if I was overreacting or not. | |||
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"They might just want to be friends. Some people prefer to stay in touch. It's not necessarily a bad thing.
Possibly but it is getting borderline obsessive. Basically anything we do/post on here they message saying they wish they could meet or asking if we’d drop our plans to drive to their house 100 miles away.
I would be tempted to say something along the lines of"you've already explained your circumstances in they you can't meet for a while, and that they need to show some patience or you will loose interet as you don't like being pushed/pressurised".
They may of seen this post too and hopefully they'll take the hint."He doesn’t use the forums or at least he doesn’t post in them. If he has then maybe I won’t need to do anything about it so win win really. | |||
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"Have you thought about sending the link for the forum topic
Its a tough one as obviously they're keen but it's like being mean to be puppy.
Maybe stretch your answers back to a couple of days that will cure the heat
I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I just wanted other peoples opinions to see if I was overreacting or not."I'd never expect you to invite them here. Honesty is probably the best approach, we are all adults and if you explain you're interested but your time is limited and you'd like to stay in touch but not as frequently as you are at the moment I'm sure they'll be fine. | |||
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