FabSwingers.com forum: Knowing you have an STI

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Should you.........

Make a potential meet aware during initial messaging ?

Make your meet aware when you are actually face to face ie meeting for initial social drink ?

Declare before any sexual activity occurs ?

Apparently, one is not legally obliged to say anything at all, as long as penetration involves the use of a condom ?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

don't meet surely! Legality is not the same as moral obligation

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Good grief! you would'nt make any arrangements apart from picking up a prescription surely!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Should the situation ever arise (so far so good, touch wood - no - not that wood you perves!)i wouldn't even be looking for meets.

Depending on what the said STI is - I'd expect anyone in that situation to refrain from any sexual activity til it's been treated. And if it's one of those "sorry, you're stuck with it for life" situations - out of respect for others I'd be hanging up my boots!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if i had a STI i wouldnt meet. but if i got 1 of a meet, i would let them know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"don't meet surely! Legality is not the same as moral obligation

As above and close the profile until things are sorted.

Surely anyone who had an STI wouldn't feel much like playing anyway.

XXXX

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

an honourable person wouldn't be looking for meets till it cleared.

or advise up front if it is something permanent, then choices can be made.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"don't meet surely! Legality is not the same as moral obligation

I ask because the man I 'played' with some months ago, tells me he was not legally obliged to as long as he practiced safe sex. His then partner and some swinging friends agreed and encouraged him to continue swinging without declaring what he had. He is dissappointed that I will not meet him again, and be 'friends'.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"don't meet surely! Legality is not the same as moral obligation

Indeed!

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

If I knew I had an STI it would be no meets until it was long gone. I recently had a dose of BV (not an STI but can be made worse by having sex) and didn't meet, as taking antibiotics makes me feel crap anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd hope that if anyone had a sti they would seriously consider taking a break from ALL sexual contact until it has gone!

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

"Should you.........

Make a potential meet aware during initial messaging ?

Make your meet aware when you are actually face to face ie meeting for initial social drink ?

Declare before any sexual activity occurs ?

Apparently, one is not legally obliged to say anything at all, as long as penetration involves the use of a condom ?

ummm NOT MEET!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd hope that if anyone had a sti they would seriously consider taking a break from ALL sexual contact until it has gone!"

I agree 100%

(Perky)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Swinging sites seem to be getting scarier all the time!

XXXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I just check the OP isn't referring to boy racers in Subarus ?

Seriously though - if anyone posts any differently to the above - i'll run naked down Oxford St in the middle of the xmas sales!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd hope that if anyone had a sti they would seriously consider taking a break from ALL sexual contact until it has gone!"

Nope, they are back on the site, and can't see why I am upset

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would have the courage and honesty to mention it in my profile... And not meet sexually until it was cleared up....

I would not judge someone who had an STI, it may not be a reflection on their sexual practices.... Unless they were criminally dishonest enough to try to hide the fact...

Kudos to those who manage temporary illness and protect the rest of us....

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I'd hope that if anyone had a sti they would seriously consider taking a break from ALL sexual contact until it has gone!"

You'd think so wouldn't you, but selfish, dangerous people have no such compunction.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would have the courage and honesty to mention it in my profile... And not meet sexually until it was cleared up....

I would not judge someone who had an STI, it may not be a reflection on their sexual practices.... Unless they were criminally dishonest enough to try to hide the fact...

Kudos to those who manage temporary illness and protect the rest of us....

I do not judge anyone with STI's, and would not discount sexual activity with a potential life partner. I did however hope an experienced swinger would have disclosed his status and allowed me me make an informed choice BEFORE sexual activity.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Can I just check the OP isn't referring to boy racers in Subarus ?

Seriously though - if anyone posts any differently to the above - i'll run naked down Oxford St in the middle of the xmas sales! "

Get naked, well semi...

Get tested. Take precautions. Be honest.

If you had something permanent, would you give up all sex forever? I would rather someone told me and I could make the decision than have it so stigmatised that we go back to lying or sticking fingers in ears and singing la la laaa.

Do you stop all play when you have a cold sore on your mouth. That's a permanent infection, it's herpes, and transmittable.

I have real difficulties with people reading things like this and then making the decision to say 'no, I'm clean' in order to keep getting meets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I contracted non-specific urinary tract infection after playing with a gent, I felt obliged to inform him in case he was also affected. He reported back to say he was fine.

When being seen by the walk-in centre's doctor, I was asked if it was a condition I suffered on a regular basis, and I replied no, as I don't have sex that often and laughed.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

it I think comes from some high profile incidents in the past where people have been charged with "grievous bodily harm" for passing on HIV knowing that they have it, not taking precautions and not informing their partners of such.....

so far, for STI's at the "lower end" of the scale, if it not "life threatening" you dont have to.... saying that, I am sure most people wouldn't play knowing they had something and realising they could pass it on.... it is reckless, but the law hasn't been tested at that end yet...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I'd say stop meeting till you are clear

Lets be honest asking when to tell someone that its a pointless question? Who's going to meet and say "oh by the way I have a sti"? I'd have thought someone who would meet you knowing they could pass on an infection but is happy to have sex with you anyway isn't going to be the type of person who would tell you

We all know even with a condom nothing's 100%

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By *issBehavingxxWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Can I just check the OP isn't referring to boy racers in Subarus ?

Seriously though - if anyone posts any differently to the above - i'll run naked down Oxford St in the middle of the xmas sales! "

I'm a little tempted to disagree with all of the above...

But seriously... If it was me (and so far never been in the situation) and assuming it was something that can be treated with anti-biotics and can be got rid of, then I wouldn't be meeting until I had been tested again and had the all clear.

I don't even meet in the run up to my regular GUM clinic checks, nor do I meet after a GUM clinic visit until I have my results and have the all clear.

Assuming it's something that will stay with you for life, then I wouldn't keep swinging.

There will be people in the situation who will choose to keep swinging / meeting and the whole legally / morally argument comes into play. If they're honest about the situation upfront from the outset allowing people to choose whether to meet them or not, then while it's not something I would do, no-one can really "stop" them from swinging.

To be honest I dread to think how many members are not STI free and either don't tell anyone, or don't even know themselves because for whatever reason they think they "Don't need to be checked"

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I arranged to meet someone who informed me just prior to the meet that he had noticed some 'funny spots' on his gentleman package but that he had Googled it and it was ok as it was not infectious.

Needless to say I cancelled, politely, told him to get properly checked and then deleted and blocked.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"it I think comes from some high profile incidents in the past where people have been charged with "grievous bodily harm" for passing on HIV knowing that they have it, not taking precautions and not informing their partners of such.....

But I am talking 'the big one' that everybody dreads. I am just reeling because HE is upset that I won't meet again as friends, and he claims that others from this site supported him to carry on meeting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So, you think he has 'the big one that everyone dreads'? Report him to admin and let them sort it out. IF it is true, then he is playing with ALL his potential meets lives!!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

So, you think he has 'the big one that everyone dreads'? Report him to admin and let them sort it out. IF it is true, then he is playing with ALL his potential meets lives!! "

What can admin do though?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

on Gay sites, a lot have a status option to identify HIV + or -

all are welcomed on the site and I applaud people who declare their status upfront.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So, you think he has 'the big one that everyone dreads'? Report him to admin and let them sort it out. IF it is true, then he is playing with ALL his potential meets lives!!

What can admin do though?"

Not a clue really, i'm probably being niave! Its a sunday aft and i'm slightly hungover so not thinking straight, lol.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I am not advocating you playing with someone with HIV nor suggesting you should be his friend because he is HIV+. I am friends with lots of people who are HIV+ (not just because of my work) and most are in committed relationships and did not have any sexual contact with ANYONE of ANYSORT for many years until they met that special person. A couple of people will have more casual sex but always inform and allow people to make the decision.

As to being friends, if I like someone (I stress I) and continue to trust them then I would remain their friend.

Don't forget the Heps, herpes and warts - all for life one way or another and all bigs ones in my eyes. The big one I worry about most for young people is chlamydia: very treatable and temporary as a disease but can make women infertile and that's forever.

Be safe, be honest, look after yourself and get tested. Be honourable in all of your dealings.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Regardless of claims of what people may or may not have said about being encouraged to carry on meeting,you have made a choice not to meet again even as friends,that choice should be respected the same as if you had decided not to meet for a different reason,no-one has to do anything they don't feel comfortable with on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"on Gay sites, a lot have a status option to identify HIV + or -

all are welcomed on the site and I applaud people who declare their status upfront. "

Seriously... I'm going to stop answering threads like these, and take the easy option of waiting till you post to add a few

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

in which case if you are talking about HIV, the he is breaking the law as it stands at the moment because it does contain a bit about given people "informed choices"........ which is is not doing by not revealing....

so his friends are wrong......

but I am not sure what admin can do in respect to his profile..... all you can do is inform them of what you know.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As to being friends, if I like someone (I stress I) and continue to trust them then I would remain their friend.

Be safe, be honest, look after yourself and get tested. Be honourable in all of your dealings."

In one of my earlier posts I did say I do not have a problem with people with HIV, and would not discount sexual relations with some I considered a possible lifelong partner. I am shocked and hurt that someone continued to swing with HIV and didn't tell me when they were aware of their status. Then more shocked when they claimed to be the injured party because I wouldn't meet again as 'friends'

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I have a few friends who are HIV+ but none of them have been sexual partners. It does not stop me being friends with them though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It may be sadder to lose a friend, however, is the person worthy to be one's friend with such dire mentality?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't play till it was clear... um incidentaly... I'm not playing at the moment but that's not the reason why

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

This isn't fair as it is about another member as you have said.

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