FabSwingers.com forum: Dad Jokes Continued....

By *dnmartin OP Man
over a year ago

Hounslow

Years ago I broke up with this guy because he compulsively counted everything.

Wonder what he is up to now?

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

The missus just called me a "lazy prick".

What a cheeky bitch! It took me an hour to take down the Christmas tree this morning.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a 1 eyed dinosaur?

Doyouthinkhesawus

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

I woke up this morning and read in the news that "Energy prices are going up by over 50% today".

I panicked for a few seconds until I spotted the date on the article.

Nice one, BBC News. You nearly fucking had me there for a moment...

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By *dnmartin OP Man
over a year ago

Hounslow

I hooked up with a Muslim guy during Ramadan.

Now we are fast friends

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

Apparently, small-time drug dealers are going to stop growing cannabis.

It seems their electric bills are getting higher than their punters...

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By *dnmartin OP Man
over a year ago

Hounslow

What are the 2 unwritten rules of Dad jokes?

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By *uietlycheekyMan
over a year ago

aberdeen

I'm not saying I'm attractive, but when I

take my clothes off in the bathroom.

I turn the shower on.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I threw my wife a surprise bukakke party.

Everyone came.

You should have seen her face.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man walking through a pile of leaves?

Russell

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By *dnmartin OP Man
over a year ago

Hounslow

My sister came out to the family today, she told us she identifies as a musical instrument.

Mind you, I have always had my doubts about our Monica

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A labracadabrador

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By *dnmartin OP Man
over a year ago

Hounslow

What do you call someone who has not got a phone?

You don't

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By *dnmartin OP Man
over a year ago

Hounslow

What is Whitney Houston's favourite physical co-ordination?

Hand EEEEEEEEEEEYE

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had a pet mouse when I was younger called elvis, one day came home from school and it was caught in a trap

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

A man was arrested today for stealing tins of alphabet spaghetti.

He is expected to be given a long sentence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mate called there ! All upset . He’s missus left him and took he’s satellite dish and Bob Marley cd … no woman no sky

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By *punkyMcFuckKnuckleMan
over a year ago

Now Kilmarnock

A friend of mine has a stutter... His Nana just died. By the time he told us, we were all singing 'Hey Jude'...

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

What do you call two crows that are stuck together?

Velcrows...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy I know got done for combing Arthur Scargill's hair then washing Joe Gormley's face. He's been done for grooming miners.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He drew a gun. I drew a gun. He drew a knife. I drew a knife.

We ended up with two lovely drawings of guns and knifes.

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By *mma29Couple
over a year ago

wirral

"My sister came out to the family today, she told us she identifies as a musical instrument.

Mind you, I have always had my doubts about our Monica "

Hahaha so funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

10 cows in a field. What 1 is on holiday?

The 1 way the wee calf

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

I always wondered why the toilet door on trains said "Engaged".

Well, that was until I needed to use the loo roll and felt the ring slip onto the finger...

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By *eahitis007Man
over a year ago

loddon

Why are pirates called pirates?

They just Aaaarrrggghhhh.

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By *ean counterMan
over a year ago

Market Harborough/ Kettering

I got asked in a job interview whether I could perform under pressure. I said I'd give it a go and went " dum dum dum duddle da da, PRESSURE pushing down on me"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you make the number seven even?

Subtract the 'S'.

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By *eahitis007Man
over a year ago

loddon

"I got asked in a job interview whether I could perform under pressure. I said I'd give it a go and went " dum dum dum duddle da da, PRESSURE pushing down on me"

I had the same question at my job interview, just as I got to the 2nd line, they asked be to be quiet, I was like, "don't stop me now".

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By *ean counterMan
over a year ago

Market Harborough/ Kettering

"I got asked in a job interview whether I could perform under pressure. I said I'd give it a go and went " dum dum dum duddle da da, PRESSURE pushing down on me"

I had the same question at my job interview, just as I got to the 2nd line, they asked be to be quiet, I was like, "don't stop me now"."

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By *eahitis007Man
over a year ago

loddon

Seeing as there's a thread on wild camping, I thought I'd just ask here,

Anyone ever had sex whilst camping? I've heard it's intents.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

For eating all his grass a calf got a pat on the head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just bought a fantastic Abba toilet. What a loo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a cupboard full of lesbians.

A well stocked likeher cabinet.

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By *entleman4MMFMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

What is red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint

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By *hilledGuerillaMan
over a year ago

In the monkey house

How do you spot the blind man in a swingers club??

It’s not hard.

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By *eahitis007Man
over a year ago

loddon

A blind man walks into a bar

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the scientist who successfully made an exact copy of himself?

??Unfortunately it was very foul mouthed and crude, and the scientist grew tired of it, and finally got rid of it by pushing it off a cliff. ??

He was later arrested for making an obscene clone fall. ????????

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By *dnmartin OP Man
over a year ago

Hounslow

What do you get if you cross a boxer with a vacuum cleaner?

Mike Dyson

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Apparently there’s a civil war in Madagascar.

I’ve seen that movie 5 times but I’ve never noticed?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Went on the market today and asked for a pound of apples.

Guy on the market said " its kilos now"

I said fine, I'll have a pound of kilos please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tried to catch some fog this morning

Missed

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

All current Formula 1 drivers have been warned they will no longer be allowed to wear dresses or makeup at any future Grand Prix weekends.

The new DRS (drag reduction system) will be trialled over the next five races...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“My wife often compares me to George Clooney.

She'll say, ‘You're nothing like George Clooney.’"

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

I call my testicles "Wonkas" as they're in-between a willy and a chocolate factory.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats blue and not heavy?

Light blue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to a fetish restaurant the other night.

I got toed in the hole.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

According to a recent Office of National Satistics report six out of seven dwarves are not Happy

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By *arlomaleMan
over a year ago

darlington

Who invented see though bras ??? Seymour Tit

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By *edGrayCouple
over a year ago

Swindon

Why don't fish play the piano?

Because you can't tune-a-fish!

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By *dnmartin OP Man
over a year ago

Hounslow

My penis was in the Guinness book of World records

But the Librarian told me to take it out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I swapped the missus' tampon with a partypopper.

She's in for a suprise when she pulls the string.

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

This one is for the women:

"Mansplaining" is when a man explains something.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

If I had a belt made of £50 notes would that be a waist of money?

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By *eneralKenobiMan
over a year ago

North Angus

If a drummer comes out of retirement will there be repercussions?

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

What do you call a bear with no ear ?

What do you call I fish with no eye ?

Fsh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The model village we visited last month burnt down last night.

They reckoned you could see the flames from 10ft away.

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By *umseekerMan
over a year ago

montrose

Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on their ships ?

So when they come back to port they can —- SCANDINAVIAN

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I was in court the other day for punching someone the judge asked me if I hit him in defensive, I answered no I hit him over it.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Prisoner - I am so cold!

Jailer - Don't worry, I'll put another bar on.

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By *eneralKenobiMan
over a year ago

North Angus

The swordfish has few predators in the wild

Except from the rare penfish which is said to be mightier

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I accidentally filled my escort up with diesel the other day ..

She died .

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By *abfitnfiftyMan
over a year ago

Dorking

"I threw my wife a surprise bukakke party.

Everyone came.

You should have seen her face.

Best one so far

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

What's better than Grease on Olivia Newton John?

Come on Eileen.

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

When I was younger I used to be in a band called "Missing Cat".

You may have seen our posters...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you want to hear a joke about my vagina? Never mind. You’ll never get it!

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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago

Based in Kerry, work in Cork.

Not many of his West Ham teammates like French goalkeeper, Areola. They think he's a bit of a tit.

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

Why doesn't Viagra work on football hooligans?

They only get hard with ten of their mates standing behind them.

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

"When I was younger I used to be in a band called "Missing Cat".

You may have seen our posters..."

We've just started a new band called "The Prevention".

We're better than The Cure...

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

A Woman opens her birthday card and a load of rice falls out !!

She shouts up to her fella " This birthday card I got in the post is full of rice "

Her fella shouts down " That's from your Uncle Ben "

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By *ittycock400Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

A man with a hole in his pocket feels cocky all day.

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By *dnmartin OP Man
over a year ago

Hounslow

How does a Jew make tea?

Hebrews it.

I'll get my coat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the ghost cross the road? to get to the other side

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’

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By *dnmartin OP Man
over a year ago

Hounslow

I had BEEFSTEW as my password, but had to change it.

It wasn't Stroganoff

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By *XXDREAMMan
over a year ago

sudbury

"Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’"
love that one

What do you call a fish with no eyes

A fsh

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

Why doesn't James Bond fart in bed?

Because it would blow his cover

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Light travels faster than sound, which is the reason that some people appear bright before you hear them speak.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

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By *dnmartin OP Man
over a year ago

Hounslow

What is the worse thing about compulsively eating apples?

You can never see a doctor about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A man with a hole in his pocket feels cocky all day."

However, a man with two holes in his pocket, doesn't feel too cocky.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I saw an Elbow tribute band last night, they were called Arse. They were so good and so perfect, I couldn't tell Arse from Elbow.

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By *iman2100Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

I went to the doctor and told him I keep randomly saying "broccoli" and "cauliflower". He said you have Florets syndrome.

My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart.

Someone stole my antidepressant medication. I hope they are happy!

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By *dnmartin OP Man
over a year ago

Hounslow

Did you know Bruce Lee had a much faster brother.

Sudden Lee

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By *aulj69Man
over a year ago

dunstable

[Removed by poster at 23/08/22 17:30:50]

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By *aulj69Man
over a year ago

dunstable

FFS these jokes are shocking. I would tell you the joke about the broken pencil....But there's NO POINT...Queue tumble. Lol X

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By *azkinsWoman
over a year ago

leeds

What do you call a woman with a radiator on her head?.

A. Anita

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By *ttmcdguyTV/TS
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"I swapped the missus' tampon with a partypopper.

She's in for a suprise when she pulls the string."

Bbbaaaaaahhhhhaaaaaahhhhaaaa

Best 1 here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sergeant: "Oi, Private Adey, I didn't see you at camouflage class this morning"

Adey: "Thank you Sergeant!"

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By *erry bull1Man
over a year ago

doncaster

Took my car for a service , but couldn’t get it through the church doors

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As one door closes, another one opens. Worst car I've ever owned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are elevator jokes so classic and good?

They work on many levels.

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By *on-snowedMan
over a year ago

harlow

I met a beautiful vegan girl the other day, we were talking as if we'd known each other for ages...

But unfortunately for me, I'd never met herbivore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As one door closes, another one opens. Worst car I've ever owned."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do extreme sports stars love camping?

Because it's in tents maaaan

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By *ig_eric_tionMan
over a year ago

IPSWICH

Humpty Dumpty fell off the roof of a budget supermarket.

It took Aldi Kings horses and Aldi kings men to poor Humtpty together again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over."

old but good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Went to B&Q and asked the greeter where the garden projects were. He asked if I wanted decking but I got the first punch in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A horse walks into a bar. The barman says “why the long face “

I was half way up a mountain when a man runs up to me and says “ I don’t like your altitude “

What’s brown and sticky.

A stick

I’ll get my coat.

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

Manchester(ish).

"A horse walks into a bar. The barman says “why the long face “

I was half way up a mountain when a man runs up to me and says “ I don’t like your altitude “

What’s brown and sticky.

A stick

I’ll get my coat. "

What's red and sticky?

A Bonfire !!

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By *ixiePoisonWoman
over a year ago

Darlington

What do you call a Russian with three balls?

Whodoyounickaknackerof?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Went to B&Q and asked the greeter where the garden projects were. He asked if I wanted decking but I got the first punch in

"
you definitely should be a comedian

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By *risxbrisxMan
over a year ago

Bristol

Where to rastas keep their Jam?

In a almighty jah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is pink and fluffy

Pink fluff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/08/22 18:51:20]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a women in the distance

DOT

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guy walks into a bar……… “ouch”

What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?

Adoyouthinkhesawus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How does Alfred let Bruce Wayne know his takeaway has arrived?

Dinner

BATMAN!

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

I saw a sign in a shop window that said "Pay No Interest!"

So I carried on walking.

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By *oeofsussexMan
over a year ago

Eastbourne

There was this Englishman, Scotsman and a Dad… (use as starteing formula and continue!)

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By *oeofsussexMan
over a year ago

Eastbourne

"Humpty Dumpty fell off the roof of a budget supermarket.

It took Aldi Kings horses and Aldi kings men to poor Humtpty together again.

That one’s a Lidl old!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a hedgehog and a landrover? The hedgehog has the pricks on the outside

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By *dnmartin OP Man
over a year ago

Hounslow

Why did the slum landlord cross the road?

To ghetto the other side

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Why don't French people eat more than one egg at a time?

Because one egg is un œuf

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By *ryan...Man
over a year ago

1950's Original

A man shouted across from the other side of the lake

"how do I get to the other side"?

I shouted back

"you're on the other side"

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

I like to pretend I'm Les Dennis by walking up to a complete stranger at the airport, putting my arm around them then pointing up at the departures board.

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By *ece_himCouple
over a year ago

Merseyside

Smokings for suckers

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

I've just failed my RAF acceptance exam.

Apparently, "The Bombay Doors" are not an Indian tribute band.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was walking down the street, someone threw cheese at me. I said to them "That wasn't very mature"

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By *ulu and MonkeyCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Q. What do you do if you see a spaceman?

Park your car maaaaaaan

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By *dnmartin OP Man
over a year ago

Hounslow

I went to the zoo yesterday, but there was only one dog in it.

It was a Shih Tzu

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between light and hard?

I can get to sleep with a light on

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By *elnkazCouple
over a year ago

cheshire

What do you call a boomerang thats broken??? A stick...

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

What is the shortest dinosaur...ankly sore arse

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By *ic Sunt DraconesMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

I was caught pouring domestos over some fruit.

I was done for bleach of the peach!

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By *ic Sunt DraconesMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

They say you are what you eat- makes me a twat then!

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By *escourtesMan
over a year ago

hereford

Guy goes up to bar...barman says what do want Donkey?....guy next him says why did he call you Donkey?...He replies I dont know...Eeyore Eeyore he always calls me donkey...

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By *humper.Man
over a year ago

northumberland/scotland

What bird is always our of breath?

Puffin.

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By *ttmcdguyTV/TS
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Saw a cleaner the other day washing her fanny with a mop

I thought what a flash c#$t

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/09/22 20:11:14]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I threw my wife a surprise bukakke party.

Everyone came.

You should have seen her face.

Lmao, best I’ve heard for ages

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By *uke OzadeMan
over a year ago

Ho Chi Minge City

Spider-Man sprays sticky white stuff on someone and he’s a hero. I do it and I’m a pervert!

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By *r bright sideMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Ma scarecrow jus got a gold medal for bein outstanding in his field??

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By *r bright sideMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Q do you know what I can't understand

A Chinese writing ??

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By *dnmartin OP Man
over a year ago

Hounslow

What is blue and very light?

Light blue

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

My dog is called Minton.

Today he ate the shuttlecock and netting from the sport I play.

Bad Minton

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By *inballs99Man
over a year ago

Blackheath

What is Blue and smels like Red paint ?

BLUE PAINT !!

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By *heoralexpertMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough/Helmsley NY

What do you call a German pedofile ???

Vits nicentight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Spider-Man sprays sticky white stuff on someone and he’s a hero. I do it and I’m a pervert! "

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By *dnmartin OP Man
over a year ago

Hounslow

If Gays come out of the Closet, what comes out of the Kitchen?

Pansexuals

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

What's the best way to grill a chicken?

First, you hold it securely by the neck. Then, you waterboard it and scream "WHY DID YOU CROSS THE FUCKING ROAD?"

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By *aughtyTwo8488Couple
over a year ago

derby

I've been telling people of the benefits of eating dried fruit. I'm raisin awareness.

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

What do Lawyers wear to work?

A Law suit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your dad is so dumb he fell in love and even got stuck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mate said he heard IVF was 100% successful 100% of the time. I told him...thats a misconception

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By *yronMan
over a year ago

grangemouth

Why don't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

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By *istalloverCouple
over a year ago

Pays de la Loire -Normandie -Brittany borderFrance

What tv presenter was named after a packet of cigarettes

Sue Perkins

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By *asilForty77Man
over a year ago

a hundred and sixty of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road

I bought a dog from a blacksmith and as soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

Why did the Adobe Acrobat document get put on the sex offenders register?

Because it was a PDF file...

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere

Why does the Little Mermaid wear seashells?

Because she grew out of her B shells….

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By *ister CMan
over a year ago

liverpool

My penis isn't 12inches long but I really does smell like a foot...

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By *aturefun63Man
over a year ago

Belper

Bought my son a light bulb for Christmas,should have seen his face light up when turned it on

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

[Removed by poster at 10/09/22 02:34:43]

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

I've just seen a snake that was 3.14 metres long.

It must have been a pi-thon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man and a giraffe go out on the lash, get horrendously d*unk and the giraffe passes out in the 10th pub. Barman says to the guy..”you going to leave that lying there”?…man says..”he’s not a lion, he’s a giraffe”

I’ll get my coat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don't you ever see a pregnant Barbie doll?

Because Ken came in a different box

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Two golf clubs go into a pub. The first golf club says to the barman "I'll have a whiskey". The barman says "What about your pal? Beer? Spirit?"

The first golf club says

"Only a non alcoholic drink, he's the driver"

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

My wife died of the Big C.

She drowned in the Atlantic.

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By *aughtyTwo8488Couple
over a year ago

derby

Can anyone remember that osteopath joke that was posted?

It was about a week back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thought it was too good to be true..the other day the mrs said tie me up and do what ever you want .apparently going fishing for the day wasnt what she ment ...

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By *orkcouple81Couple
over a year ago

west

My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward

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By *ryan...Man
over a year ago

1950's Original

A Swedish man walks into ABBA

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By *orders CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Kelso

Teacher: What was Robin Hood's girlfriend called?

Little Boy: Truly Glenn.

Teacher: No, it was Maid Marion.

Little Boy: But song goes 'Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding Trudy Glenn...'

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By *orders CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Kelso

"Teacher: What was Robin Hood's girlfriend called?

Little Boy: Truly Glenn.

Teacher: No, it was Maid Marion.

Little Boy: But song goes 'Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding Trudy Glenn...'"

Trudy, not Truly lol

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By *orders CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Kelso

My doctor says I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid. I can stop anytime.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Can pencils do a poo?

Of course,- how else could you have a number two pencil...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not a dad joke more a dirty one

Do you prefer colgate or crest

I myself would like to give you oral-b

Not my joke just one off my meny cringe worthy dms from another platform

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Which Knight always arrived at Camelot unexpectedly?

Sir Prise

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By *escourtesMan
over a year ago

hereford

A guy in pub with octopus says it can play any instrument you bring...it plays pianio, trumpet etc everything thats brought in, until someone gives it bagpipes! Octopus is there wrestling with them, guy says whats up cant you play em? Octopus replies play em? I'm trying to get her knickers off!

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

Now that Her Majesty has passed away there will be no more telegrams for people reaching their 100th birthday.

Instead, Prince Andrew will send a dick pic on their 14th...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I asked my PA if they could take notes during a meeting, she suggested I used my dictaphone.

Needless to say my court case is next week

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do ducks have tail feathers?

To hide their butt quacks.

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By *asilForty77Man
over a year ago

a hundred and sixty of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road

How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a supermarket

And how long have you had this feeling?

Since I was Lidl....

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

I used to meet a woman who punched me in the face every time she had an orgasm.

I didn't mind until I found out she was faking them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mate set me up on a blind date & said, "Heads up, she's expecting a baby." Felt like an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper

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