FabSwingers.com forum: Indicating willingness

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

For this thread, please take as read that both men and women have the right to say no, and that physical contact should only occur with the consent of the person being touched.

Now, I'd say that for a quick, social coffee meet, touching is probably inappropriate, save maybe for a hug or kiss on the cheek to say hi or bye, if offered. Then again, is it ok for the man to go for a hug? Or for the woman?

However, for a meet with a new person that may become a play meet, or even a vanilla date, how do you indicate you'd be ok with the touchy stuff? How do you assess whether the other party is? When is going for that first kiss appropriate? Whose responsibility is it to move things in that direction? Do you just try and see how it goes? Do you ask outright?

What signs and signals do you send (consciously) or look for?

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By *ue care and attentionWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

It's all in the eye contact for me...sends out very powerful signals

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Dont know lol, it just happens

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

"Do you just try and see how it goes?"

That's us

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Think i use telepathy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if i turn my body towards them or move closer, i tend to chew my lip or twitch my nose.. possibly lick my lips, just a lot of smiling.

if im interested i think im pretty obvious about it.. same with if im not interested. Id look away or at other things, not be as happy go lucky, keep answers to 'uh huh' then id make some excuse and go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Eye contacts definitely, followed by physical contacts such as touching the hand/arm, followed by gentle stroking of the hand/arm etc...

If I like someone, I'll make sure he knows.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dont know lol, it just happens"

I find this too!

There's often a moment of silence - not the awkward "can't think of anything to say" type - but one where you both just shut up, make a bit of eye contact - and it just happens!

Either that or it's that trick I learnt off my good friend Derren!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yeah think a good indication is if he touches your hand or arm and the arm goes back so fast it bashes the person behind ya - pretty sure that indicates no touching lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I make it obvious if I am interested. Mostly flirting with the eyes and then little touches.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would always go for the initial hug, because I'm the sort of person who will do that out of appreciation for someone personally rather than there be any other implication.

I think there is a moment when someone reaches out for touch, either with their eyes or with their hands and that is the moment that the boundary is crossed. Usually it's intuitive.

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's all in the eye contact for me...sends out very powerful signals

Thats the way i progress. If they meet my eyes and smile, then its usually a good sign for more than a handshake

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"For this thread, please take as read that both men and women have the right to say no, and that physical contact should only occur with the consent of the person being touched.

What signs and signals do you send (consciously) or look for?"

That is such a good point and I hold my hands up for possibly being more "aloof" than a British person would be; it is just not in my culture to get "physical" that quickly.

However, HOWEVER, lol... I would hug/ kiss on the cheek a person I would want to meet again and they would know how I feel. My body language would be ostentative and if in any doubt I would say... hey its ok to give me a kiss or something. After all, I am not an ice maiden

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

I'm very tactile. I mention this several times before and during meeting someone - and attempt to determine what the boundaries are.

I greet with a kiss on both cheeks and a quick hug. And the same on leaving.

I have never had anyone shy away from that yet. But I'm sensitive that this may be too much for some.

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By *atcherofmyballsMan
over a year ago

hereford

"Think i use telepathy"
I'd best use a mind shield in future

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think as a woman I rely on my intuition & signals, a vanilla date to me is very different to meeting someone for a play date.

Firstly when we meet for a social drink with the idea play may occur, there is of course the 2 of us, and the chemistry between us is already there.

We decide and then will discuss with the person/people we are meeting.

It is more upfront and frank imo, when meeting someone M will shake their hand, a kiss on the cheek and shake of hand for me.

A different scenario when meeting for a vanilla date, our first date M made the first move, but we had been flirting all night, he took the opportunity to kiss me, it could have backfired for him but it didn't.

I am old fashioned, and would never make the first move on a vanilla date.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I will say, I am quite reserved and trying to get away from that, so on meeting, I will do the half hug and the single kiss on the cheek, which then leads me to rub my lipstick off it lol, I just find it is a good icebreaker and puts both more at ease, as to the end? Well it all depends how it all went

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

I'm quite tactile (think of Cupid Stunt patting the cardboard cutout of Parky if you're old enough to remember the Kenny Everett Television Show) I'm forever touching workmates and friends on the arm, shoulder or leg - fortunately they know me well enough not to get restraining orders out (usually)...

I do try to restrain myself on social meets but often to no avail and I end up apologising, fortunately it's never been a problem, but it does usually mean I like the person - if there's no chemistry with someone it's often manifested itself by then and I'm already mentally backing off so a kiss on the cheek would be the end of it...

I'm usually pretty good at reading body language too and often know if someone thinks they'd like the meet to progress or to meet again for play and 9 times outta 10 I'm right...course that 10th time was rather awkward, but the police were very understanding

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

I just come right out n say what i think...either a "yes" or a "no it wont happen" no need to be coy, so i have never left anyone with ambiguity....just the way i am.

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

IF my initial reaction when meeting is.....

Its probably best to finish your coffee quickly then leave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a really touchy feely person so it's hugs and arm and back touching all over. I do try to restrain myself a bit though if I sense the person I'm with is not into that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I just come right out n say what i think...either a "yes" or a "no it wont happen" no need to be coy, so i have never left anyone with ambiguity....just the way i am."

Has this taken anyone aback? I can imagine them turning up at the coffee shop and you take one look and say "no, it won't happen".

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"I just come right out n say what i think...either a "yes" or a "no it wont happen" no need to be coy, so i have never left anyone with ambiguity....just the way i am.

Has this taken anyone aback? I can imagine them turning up at the coffee shop and you take one look and say "no, it won't happen".

"
My time has always been precious and i cant be doing with all the going round the houses lol...actually never had a negative reaction, and i was tactful...but honest.

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By *ue care and attentionWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

I know we are supposed to make our minds up on people in the first 30 seconds or so but I try to give it 5-10 mins of chat before I decide. I know pretty quickly whether it 'clicks' for me

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By *riskygazMan
over a year ago

birmingham

I think you can normaly tell how things are going, and if they are atracted to you or not, so it is a case of playing it by ear

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

If after 10 minutes of them telling me about themselves, I like their smile...

I take my ear plugs out, switch off my iPod and listen....

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

I hate initial 1-1 meets...

Having to sit there and make conversation, bores me to death...

Reason I don't do them anymore!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I just come right out n say what i think...either a "yes" or a "no it wont happen" no need to be coy, so i have never left anyone with ambiguity....just the way i am."

I'm 52...a bit long in the tooth to faf about being coy...there's no ambiguity with me either.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"I just come right out n say what i think...either a "yes" or a "no it wont happen" no need to be coy, so i have never left anyone with ambiguity....just the way i am.

I'm 52...a bit long in the tooth to faf about being coy...there's no ambiguity with me either."
I get that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I shall invent a box for people to take to meets with them. It will, at the press of a button, display a tick or a cross, like on tv talent show things.

Sorted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm unashamedly blunt and ask outright. Its far better to be a bit blunt than waste hours going round the houses.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm unashamedly blunt and ask outright. Its far better to be a bit blunt than waste hours going round the houses. "

How insanely blunt?

Someone on here recently described a social meet with a man who grunted answers at her questions before demanding, "we gonna fuck then?".

Was it you she met?

;-)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

unashamedly*

sodding 'phone

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

in most situations i dont beat arround the bush,otherwise it takes to long to come to the same conclusion.

when it comes to females,even if they are all over me,kissing and touching me,i'm still not sure if it's ok for me to touch them.

i used to think this was some kind of insecurity within me,but through time i realised that was not the reason,the reason was,females are weirdos.

it's been much easier since i came to this realisation.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Semaphore.

Or if there isn't enough clearance for my flags I'll tap it out in Morse on the cup with a teaspoon.

Funnily, my meets all seem to be ex boy scouts...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all about the eye contact.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"in most situations i dont beat arround the bush,otherwise it takes to long to come to the same conclusion.

when it comes to females,even if they are all over me,kissing and touching me,i'm still not sure if it's ok for me to touch them.

i used to think this was some kind of insecurity within me,but through time i realised that was not the reason,the reason was,females are weirdos.

it's been much easier since i came to this realisation.

Blokes are too....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men are from Mars, Women are from planet Odd

I was never too good at picking up on signals, it's only taken more than twenty years before I came to realise that when she had her hand in my pants that she actually wanted me

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