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"In the same vein as the Groucho Marx quote, I sometimes don't want to meet people who want to meet me. Obviously I don't want to meet people I don't fancy. However, I sometimes go off people I do fancy when they express an interest in meeting me. Also, sometimes, I get messages from people I ought to, on the face of it, want to meet, but feel that I don't want to. At times it feels like I only want to meet people if they don't want to meet me. Fear of meeting? Knowing I tend to like gits and arseholes, so not wanting to meet anyone I like in case they are a git or an arsehole? Thoughts? I've stopped meeting for the time being and this is part of the reason why. (This is my amateur psychoanalysis question from early this morning, for those of you that saw the thread)" Don't we all want what we can't have... | |||
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"In the same vein as the Groucho Marx quote, I sometimes don't want to meet people who want to meet me. Obviously I don't want to meet people I don't fancy. However, I sometimes go off people I do fancy when they express an interest in meeting me. Also, sometimes, I get messages from people I ought to, on the face of it, want to meet, but feel that I don't want to. At times it feels like I only want to meet people if they don't want to meet me. Fear of meeting? Knowing I tend to like gits and arseholes, so not wanting to meet anyone I like in case they are a git or an arsehole? Thoughts? I've stopped meeting for the time being and this is part of the reason why. (This is my amateur psychoanalysis question from early this morning, for those of you that saw the thread)" I kinda get where you're coming from. There are people I fancy on fabs but if they expressed an interest (and if we were meeting - which we're not atm) I'd probably think I wasn't 'good enough' to meet them so maybe it's an issue of self-esteem as much as anything. | |||
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"In the same vein as the Groucho Marx quote, I sometimes don't want to meet people who want to meet me. Obviously I don't want to meet people I don't fancy. However, I sometimes go off people I do fancy when they express an interest in meeting me. Also, sometimes, I get messages from people I ought to, on the face of it, want to meet, but feel that I don't want to. At times it feels like I only want to meet people if they don't want to meet me. Fear of meeting? Knowing I tend to like gits and arseholes, so not wanting to meet anyone I like in case they are a git or an arsehole? Thoughts? I've stopped meeting for the time being and this is part of the reason why. (This is my amateur psychoanalysis question from early this morning, for those of you that saw the thread) Don't we all want what we can't have..." To the exclusion of all else? Should being able to have it make us no longer want it? | |||
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"In that case I don't want to meet you " lol You know very little about me. I think my profile has been hidden longer than you've been around here. | |||
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"In the same vein as the Groucho Marx quote, I sometimes don't want to meet people who want to meet me. Obviously I don't want to meet people I don't fancy. However, I sometimes go off people I do fancy when they express an interest in meeting me. Also, sometimes, I get messages from people I ought to, on the face of it, want to meet, but feel that I don't want to. At times it feels like I only want to meet people if they don't want to meet me. Fear of meeting? Knowing I tend to like gits and arseholes, so not wanting to meet anyone I like in case they are a git or an arsehole? Thoughts? I've stopped meeting for the time being and this is part of the reason why. (This is my amateur psychoanalysis question from early this morning, for those of you that saw the thread) Don't we all want what we can't have... To the exclusion of all else? Should being able to have it make us no longer want it?" I recall being in the same situation just recently.... Had a woman completely love me... And another who couldn't be bothered I existed.... Guess for a million pounds which I was into.... ... It's been that way for me as long as recall.... Even now.... However doesn't apply to meets in my case just relationships | |||
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"Do you feel like this just towards new people or do you feel the same with people you have already met?" It's just new people. | |||
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"Don't we all want what we can't have..." we sure do, i find im always attracted to met who have no interest in me | |||
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"I'd probably think I wasn't 'good enough' to meet them " Sometimes we think that when looking at certain profile pics | |||
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"Do you feel like this just towards new people or do you feel the same with people you have already met? It's just new people." Same here!! If anyone I know get's in touch I'm off to buff bronze and get summer ready...If someone new says let's meet, I'm suddenly shampooing the dog (which I don't have) or visiting my son, or anything else I can come up with to talk myself out of it!! | |||
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"In the same vein as the Groucho Marx quote, I sometimes don't want to meet people who want to meet me. Obviously I don't want to meet people I don't fancy. However, I sometimes go off people I do fancy when they express an interest in meeting me. Also, sometimes, I get messages from people I ought to, on the face of it, want to meet, but feel that I don't want to. At times it feels like I only want to meet people if they don't want to meet me. Fear of meeting? Knowing I tend to like gits and arseholes, so not wanting to meet anyone I like in case they are a git or an arsehole? Thoughts? I've stopped meeting for the time being and this is part of the reason why. (This is my amateur psychoanalysis question from early this morning, for those of you that saw the thread) Don't we all want what we can't have... To the exclusion of all else? Should being able to have it make us no longer want it? I recall being in the same situation just recently.... Had a woman completely love me... And another who couldn't be bothered I existed.... Guess for a million pounds which I was into.... ... It's been that way for me as long as recall.... Even now.... However doesn't apply to meets in my case just relationships" I am the women that loves and get walked over more times than a welcome mat... | |||
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"Kinky - I sometimes find that while I may have fancied them before... once we made contact they look , sound and feel different and thats before we even meet. Thats what you are saying isnt it? " No, not really. Examples: I get a message from someone. It's a good message, they match my preferences, their profile appeals and their photos aren't unattractive (I rarely think pwooar over photos and can't judge if I fancy someone from them. Not unattractive is as good as it gets, usually, from a photo). But I don't want to meet. I see someone on the forum. They are funny and again, good profile and photos. I'll joke with them but if they contact me, I wouldn't want to meet. I message someone who I like. They reply with interest. I lose interest. It got to the stage that I wanted meets but I didn't want to meet anyone. I hid my profile at that point! | |||
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"Kinky - I sometimes find that while I may have fancied them before... once we made contact they look , sound and feel different and thats before we even meet. Thats what you are saying isnt it? No, not really. Examples: I get a message from someone. It's a good message, they match my preferences, their profile appeals and their photos aren't unattractive (I rarely think pwooar over photos and can't judge if I fancy someone from them. Not unattractive is as good as it gets, usually, from a photo). But I don't want to meet. I see someone on the forum. They are funny and again, good profile and photos. I'll joke with them but if they contact me, I wouldn't want to meet. I message someone who I like. They reply with interest. I lose interest. It got to the stage that I wanted meets but I didn't want to meet anyone. I hid my profile at that point!" So are you saying that for you a good part of the fun is about the chase but not the kill? | |||
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"Kinky - I sometimes find that while I may have fancied them before... once we made contact they look , sound and feel different and thats before we even meet. Thats what you are saying isnt it? No, not really. Examples: I get a message from someone. It's a good message, they match my preferences, their profile appeals and their photos aren't unattractive (I rarely think pwooar over photos and can't judge if I fancy someone from them. Not unattractive is as good as it gets, usually, from a photo). But I don't want to meet. I see someone on the forum. They are funny and again, good profile and photos. I'll joke with them but if they contact me, I wouldn't want to meet. I message someone who I like. They reply with interest. I lose interest. It got to the stage that I wanted meets but I didn't want to meet anyone. I hid my profile at that point! So are you saying that for you a good part of the fun is about the chase but not the kill? " I honestly don't know. V. confused at the moment. | |||
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"The fantasy of someone is possibly more attractive than what they may be like in reality. Maybe you are subconsciously trying to avoid the let down?" Maybe. I had two meets last year which were dreadful and I've had relatively few since. Perhaps that's it. If they're interested in meeting I subconsciously think they'll behave the same way. Logically I know that's stupid, of course. Subconsciously though, possible. | |||
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"Kinky - I sometimes find that while I may have fancied them before... once we made contact they look , sound and feel different and thats before we even meet. Thats what you are saying isnt it? No, not really. Examples: I get a message from someone. It's a good message, they match my preferences, their profile appeals and their photos aren't unattractive (I rarely think pwooar over photos and can't judge if I fancy someone from them. Not unattractive is as good as it gets, usually, from a photo). But I don't want to meet. I see someone on the forum. They are funny and again, good profile and photos. I'll joke with them but if they contact me, I wouldn't want to meet. I message someone who I like. They reply with interest. I lose interest. It got to the stage that I wanted meets but I didn't want to meet anyone. I hid my profile at that point! So are you saying that for you a good part of the fun is about the chase but not the kill? I honestly don't know. V. confused at the moment." I dont know whether the following makes sense but I feel quite enthusiastic about the scene, meeting people socially and for play times but every now and again I have a moment of "reflection" in want of a better word and then I ask myself why I am doing this, what I am looking for and I sometimes struggle to find a satisfactory answer. Usually, that moment of reflection passes quickly though, if it did not I would hide my profile and take a break as I have done a couple of times. Does that resonate with you? | |||
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" I dont know whether the following makes sense but I feel quite enthusiastic about the scene, meeting people socially and for play times but every now and again I have a moment of "reflection" in want of a better word and then I ask myself why I am doing this, what I am looking for and I sometimes struggle to find a satisfactory answer. Usually, that moment of reflection passes quickly though, if it did not I would hide my profile and take a break as I have done a couple of times. Does that resonate with you?" I can relate to what you say here, I have been on and off the site for the last three years, this is the first time I have actually felt totally relaxed about being here, I'm taking life in the slow lane at the mo as I'm struggling with meeting new people, I'm inundated with requests but doing a good job of talking myself out of meeting people I don't know!...I don't know why I feel like that, I hope it will change in time | |||
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"Kinky - I sometimes find that while I may have fancied them before... once we made contact they look , sound and feel different and thats before we even meet. Thats what you are saying isnt it? No, not really. Examples: I get a message from someone. It's a good message, they match my preferences, their profile appeals and their photos aren't unattractive (I rarely think pwooar over photos and can't judge if I fancy someone from them. Not unattractive is as good as it gets, usually, from a photo). But I don't want to meet. I see someone on the forum. They are funny and again, good profile and photos. I'll joke with them but if they contact me, I wouldn't want to meet. I message someone who I like. They reply with interest. I lose interest. It got to the stage that I wanted meets but I didn't want to meet anyone. I hid my profile at that point! So are you saying that for you a good part of the fun is about the chase but not the kill? I honestly don't know. V. confused at the moment. I dont know whether the following makes sense but I feel quite enthusiastic about the scene, meeting people socially and for play times but every now and again I have a moment of "reflection" in want of a better word and then I ask myself why I am doing this, what I am looking for and I sometimes struggle to find a satisfactory answer. Usually, that moment of reflection passes quickly though, if it did not I would hide my profile and take a break as I have done a couple of times. Does that resonate with you?" Yes, to an extent. I'm thinking of trying a club to see if it's different, and how. I think perhaps it's the anonymous nature of the meets that is bothering me. I'm sure it's just a temporary thing. | |||
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" I dont know whether the following makes sense but I feel quite enthusiastic about the scene, meeting people socially and for play times but every now and again I have a moment of "reflection" in want of a better word and then I ask myself why I am doing this, what I am looking for and I sometimes struggle to find a satisfactory answer. Usually, that moment of reflection passes quickly though, if it did not I would hide my profile and take a break as I have done a couple of times. Does that resonate with you? I can relate to what you say here, I have been on and off the site for the last three years, this is the first time I have actually felt totally relaxed about being here, I'm taking life in the slow lane at the mo as I'm struggling with meeting new people, I'm inundated with requests but doing a good job of talking myself out of meeting people I don't know!...I don't know why I feel like that, I hope it will change in time " Do you sometimes feel positive about meeting ina club only to then think that perhaps parties are better to maybe meeting one to one might be an option? I know I have done - almost like never beeing 100 percent sure of what one wants? Maybe it is the nature of the scene but more importantly, some of us have a low boredome threshold and I include myself here. It takes quite a bit for something/ sombody to hold my attention. Does that play a part in your thinking? | |||
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"We always want what we can't have " I can relate to that also. And I was just thinking that I find myself more attracted to reflective or silly/ banter type threads than the "Fancy/ shag/ etc" type threads. Nothing wrong with the latter but I get bored quickly as I said above. So maybe the choice of what we are attracted to, in terms of posting, meeting, playing....all life choices really reflects a little bit on how much new stimualation we need and conversely how much we like an element of security/ repetition. Like I said, nothing wrong with either.. just different strokes for different folks? | |||
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"I am quite a decisive person - not always a good thing. I can make snap decisions and regret them later. But just put that down to experience. So when I decided to go online to basically find partners for sex the decision was made and I've not regretted it so far. It's been 18months though I started on a few other sites before I found this one. Apart from illness or being away I have had meets pretty much every weekend and also now have an fb. I never talk myself out of a meet and always look forward to meeting new people." The odd thing for me is I've had lots of fun on the site and apart from a couple of occasions when meets haven't gone to plan, there has been nothing that I regret. On the whole I enjoy meeting new people, but for some reason something is stopping me at the moment even though I want too! I hate messing people about so may be it's easier to talk myself out of meeting than making arrangements and backing out further down the line, something which I have never done...I think I need a swift kick | |||
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"In that case I don't want to meet you lol You know very little about me. I think my profile has been hidden longer than you've been around here." I feel you get a better understanding of someone from talking through the forums than you really do form a profile. | |||
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"The fantasy of someone is possibly more attractive than what they may be like in reality. Maybe you are subconsciously trying to avoid the let down? Maybe. I had two meets last year which were dreadful and I've had relatively few since. Perhaps that's it. If they're interested in meeting I subconsciously think they'll behave the same way. Logically I know that's stupid, of course. Subconsciously though, possible." Is there anyone you're friends with off here that you could meet up with for just a coffee? It would still be a 'meet' but totally safe as you'd know they were a decent person and nothing 'bad' would happen. You could do that a few tmes and slowly convince your subconscious that meeting was fun again. I sometimes feel that way (as per your OP). I don't worry about it too much, I just lay low for a bit. I think there's no harm in taking a break for a while. x | |||
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"In the same vein as the Groucho Marx quote, I sometimes don't want to meet people who want to meet me. Obviously I don't want to meet people I don't fancy. However, I sometimes go off people I do fancy when they express an interest in meeting me. Also, sometimes, I get messages from people I ought to, on the face of it, want to meet, but feel that I don't want to. At times it feels like I only want to meet people if they don't want to meet me. Fear of meeting? Knowing I tend to like gits and arseholes, so not wanting to meet anyone I like in case they are a git or an arsehole? Thoughts? I've stopped meeting for the time being and this is part of the reason why. (This is my amateur psychoanalysis question from early this morning, for those of you that saw the thread)" always the case ! When it is hot wont it to be cold and when cold please be hot | |||
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"I am quite a decisive person - not always a good thing. I can make snap decisions and regret them later. But just put that down to experience. So when I decided to go online to basically find partners for sex the decision was made and I've not regretted it so far. It's been 18months though I started on a few other sites before I found this one. Apart from illness or being away I have had meets pretty much every weekend and also now have an fb. I never talk myself out of a meet and always look forward to meeting new people. The odd thing for me is I've had lots of fun on the site and apart from a couple of occasions when meets haven't gone to plan, there has been nothing that I regret. On the whole I enjoy meeting new people, but for some reason something is stopping me at the moment even though I want too! I hate messing people about so may be it's easier to talk myself out of meeting than making arrangements and backing out further down the line, something which I have never done...I think I need a swift kick " Maybe it is just nerves. I just imagine that they will be just as nervous as me, maybe more so since I meet at mine mostly and feel comfortable on home ground as it were. It helps that I am quite a gregarious individual as well, and have lots of confidence (which is most likely down to age but I always did have a fair bit of confidence). I guess, at my age, and with numerous experiences behind me I have a lot of self-knowledge and care very little about people's opinions of me as they really have no important impact on my life. | |||
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" I can relate to what you say here, I have been on and off the site for the last three years, this is the first time I have actually felt totally relaxed about being here, I'm taking life in the slow lane at the mo as I'm struggling with meeting new people, I'm inundated with requests but doing a good job of talking myself out of meeting people I don't know!...I don't know why I feel like that, I hope it will change in time Do you sometimes feel positive about meeting ina club only to then think that perhaps parties are better to maybe meeting one to one might be an option? I know I have done - almost like never beeing 100 percent sure of what one wants? Maybe it is the nature of the scene but more importantly, some of us have a low boredome threshold and I include myself here. It takes quite a bit for something/ sombody to hold my attention. Does that play a part in your thinking? " The low boredom threshold is certainly me, so yes I need someone or something to hold my attention. I recently walked away from a FB relationship or whatever you wish to call it simply because he did very very little to keep me interested. | |||
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"I will also say from a single female, I haven't had that many meets, especially in the last two years, sometimes I try and put myself out there and things seem to being going well, until they maybe get a bit too pushy to meet and just puts me off. Then there are times, when I get a complete influx of email on here, ie I can log in and within 30 minutes, I've got a deluge of over another 30 messages and I'm not even going to say, how many current unread I have.....that I just feel overwhelmed and stops me from emailing anyone back! So I will admit, sometimes I am my own worst enemy " Ah yes, the feeling of being overwhelmed and not wanting to reply to anyone I can definitely relate to. | |||
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"In the same vein as the Groucho Marx quote, I sometimes don't want to meet people who want to meet me. Obviously I don't want to meet people I don't fancy. However, I sometimes go off people I do fancy when they express an interest in meeting me. Also, sometimes, I get messages from people I ought to, on the face of it, want to meet, but feel that I don't want to. At times it feels like I only want to meet people if they don't want to meet me. Fear of meeting? Knowing I tend to like gits and arseholes, so not wanting to meet anyone I like in case they are a git or an arsehole? Thoughts? I've stopped meeting for the time being and this is part of the reason why. (This is my amateur psychoanalysis question from early this morning, for those of you that saw the thread)" Lacking in confidence? | |||
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"Do you feel like this just towards new people or do you feel the same with people you have already met? It's just new people." I feel much better about you turning me down some time ago now! | |||
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"shockarooney,a woman who cant make up her mind what she wants. next you'll be telling us snow is white. " Brilliant. Great thread. | |||
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"Bumping this for Lickety and those seeking to understand Grouchoitis." Lickety all caught up now. I have suffered from this condition. it is possible to get better and it's not terminal. It can feel interminable whence in its midst! | |||
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"I have been forsaken by Mr Whack for fear of it being contagious. " He's an eager pup. Dangle a doggy treat in front of him and he'll come back with his tail waggling. | |||
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"Sounds like a case of not wanting to meet anyone but yet still being happy to waste the time of those that are interested based purely on the selfish reason of enjoying the attention gained from it." Excuse me? My profile quite clearly says I'm not meeting at the moment. How am I wasting anyone's time. Except me own, when I reply to the messages I am STILL getting about meets? | |||
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"I haven't actually read your profile. If you've stated that you're not meeting then fair enough. That's their fault for not reading then! I'd just read the post and figured you'd not even given them any idea that you weren't meeting." At the time I wrote this my profile was hidden and had been for a while. | |||
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"hiya kinky hants maybe the whle thing and the whole forum has a touch of truth for you ? maybe the whle thing stems back to cnfidence or lack of it who knows ,but maybe if too much on here hide your profile for as long as you feel you need maybe never re open it ,perhapes try just a bog standard datng site ? although saying that sum of the people on there have less manners and a re more crude. perhapes just concentrate on your frends around you at momnet ? I have no answer for you sorry just maybe,s and ideas.xx" Dating? What on earth makes you think I'd want a dating site? | |||
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"If I pushed a couch down the road for 3 weeks I would give up leave it and move on." The thread or the site? The thread has only been bumped for someone who missed it, to save having to try and explain it all again. | |||
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"I haven't actually read your profile. If you've stated that you're not meeting then fair enough. That's their fault for not reading then! I'd just read the post and figured you'd not even given them any idea that you weren't meeting. At the time I wrote this my profile was hidden and had been for a while." Fair play. I was commenting on the thread topic. I don't own a crystal ball and I can't read minds! :p | |||
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"I haven't actually read your profile. If you've stated that you're not meeting then fair enough. That's their fault for not reading then! I'd just read the post and figured you'd not even given them any idea that you weren't meeting. At the time I wrote this my profile was hidden and had been for a while. Fair play. I was commenting on the thread topic. I don't own a crystal ball and I can't read minds! :p" But you're happy to jump to the conclusion I'd mess people about? Fifth post in the thread states my profile is hidden and suggests it had been for a while. You may not have a crystal ball but a quick read of the thread would have shown that, as would a look at the first few lines of my profile. Strangely I don't appreciate being accused of wilfully wasting people's time. | |||
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"If I pushed a couch down the road for 3 weeks I would give up leave it and move on. The thread or the site? The thread has only been bumped for someone who missed it, to save having to try and explain it all again." Ah right and there is me using the Search forum subjects: box I must be going wrong. Shoot the couch, make do with what is available to sit on and bury the carcass. | |||
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"I haven't actually read your profile. If you've stated that you're not meeting then fair enough. That's their fault for not reading then! I'd just read the post and figured you'd not even given them any idea that you weren't meeting. At the time I wrote this my profile was hidden and had been for a while. Fair play. I was commenting on the thread topic. I don't own a crystal ball and I can't read minds! :p But you're happy to jump to the conclusion I'd mess people about? Fifth post in the thread states my profile is hidden and suggests it had been for a while. You may not have a crystal ball but a quick read of the thread would have shown that, as would a look at the first few lines of my profile. Strangely I don't appreciate being accused of wilfully wasting people's time." You are VERY quick to jump on the defensive. Clearly you're getting overly sensitive on every little thing when there's no need. If you open up a forum thread you are openly inviting everyone to comment so don't start complaining when people do. If you are trying to start an arguement out of nothing then clearly this site isn't the ideal place to be. | |||
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"I haven't actually read your profile. If you've stated that you're not meeting then fair enough. That's their fault for not reading then! I'd just read the post and figured you'd not even given them any idea that you weren't meeting. At the time I wrote this my profile was hidden and had been for a while. Fair play. I was commenting on the thread topic. I don't own a crystal ball and I can't read minds! :p But you're happy to jump to the conclusion I'd mess people about? Fifth post in the thread states my profile is hidden and suggests it had been for a while. You may not have a crystal ball but a quick read of the thread would have shown that, as would a look at the first few lines of my profile. Strangely I don't appreciate being accused of wilfully wasting people's time. You are VERY quick to jump on the defensive. Clearly you're getting overly sensitive on every little thing when there's no need. If you open up a forum thread you are openly inviting everyone to comment so don't start complaining when people do. If you are trying to start an arguement out of nothing then clearly this site isn't the ideal place to be. " You unjustly accuse me of something, when, had you looked beyond the title of the thread, you'd have seen you are entirely incorrect in your assumption. What I am doing is telling you to look a bit more carefully at the information available before making incorrect judgements about people. You admit you don't have a crystal ball, so maybe giving people the benefit of the doubt would be nice, before chucking accusations around. How do you like unjustly being called a timewaster? | |||
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