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I need to tell you something

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hello lovely people. I’d love to know how you and when you tell someone you’re talking to/ seeing about your mental health struggles (if you do at all). Or how and when you were told. Would you have rather it had gone differently?

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito


"Hello lovely people. I’d love to know how you and when you tell someone you’re talking to/ seeing about your mental health struggles (if you do at all). Or how and when you were told. Would you have rather it had gone differently? "

I didn’t talk, just had a full breakdown. My friends and loved ones knew and tried to help but there was only so much they could do without me admitting it was a problem. I unintentionally made them watch me crumple into a black hole that I still practice staying out of now.

These days I try to be more open about what’s going on in my mind and that in it’s own way helps.

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

If you are the friend in this situation just hold space for your buddy who is experiencing it, meet them for a cuppa, listen with an open heart and tell them you are worried to hear they are feeling that way. Ask them if they’d like help to speak to a doctor or therapist but don’t tell them they have to.

And if you are the one that is spiralling, confide in a friend you trust. And if you don’t feel you can trust anyone then there’s always someone on here that will listen if you ask.

Best of luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hello lovely people. I’d love to know how you and when you tell someone you’re talking to/ seeing about your mental health struggles (if you do at all). Or how and when you were told. Would you have rather it had gone differently?

I didn’t talk, just had a full breakdown. My friends and loved ones knew and tried to help but there was only so much they could do without me admitting it was a problem. I unintentionally made them watch me crumple into a black hole that I still practice staying out of now.

These days I try to be more open about what’s going on in my mind and that in it’s own way helps. "

Firstly, really sorry that you went through this but it’s just wonderful to hear you came out and do what you can to stay out of that hole.

Would you say if you met someone you were interested in it would be first date conversation? Or when you first feel a wobble coming up?

Appreciate your reply

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you are the friend in this situation just hold space for your buddy who is experiencing it, meet them for a cuppa, listen with an open heart and tell them you are worried to hear they are feeling that way. Ask them if they’d like help to speak to a doctor or therapist but don’t tell them they have to.

And if you are the one that is spiralling, confide in a friend you trust. And if you don’t feel you can trust anyone then there’s always someone on here that will listen if you ask.

Best of luck "

Sorry I jumped the gun! Ha.

Thank you for this wonderful advice.

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito


"Hello lovely people. I’d love to know how you and when you tell someone you’re talking to/ seeing about your mental health struggles (if you do at all). Or how and when you were told. Would you have rather it had gone differently?

I didn’t talk, just had a full breakdown. My friends and loved ones knew and tried to help but there was only so much they could do without me admitting it was a problem. I unintentionally made them watch me crumple into a black hole that I still practice staying out of now.

These days I try to be more open about what’s going on in my mind and that in it’s own way helps.

Firstly, really sorry that you went through this but it’s just wonderful to hear you came out and do what you can to stay out of that hole.

Would you say if you met someone you were interested in it would be first date conversation? Or when you first feel a wobble coming up?

Appreciate your reply"

Everyone is different so it’s hard to say when I’d tell someone but definitely fairly early on.

I think I tell people my life story within five minutes of meeting them lol I’m not sure if it’s because I’m being open or trying to scare them off so I’m a bad example for you

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

That is a tricky one and depends on the other person's mindset at the time as well. If I were struggling I couldn't cope with that knowledge, but in a good place I'd have no problems at all

If you are able to. Trust your gut

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was, and continue to be, very supportive of my OH's MH issues

Most are anxiety and performance based, plus there's a hella lot of imposter syndrome going on

It has also helped me to recognise my own issues in this respect

Mine tend to be social anxieties especially in large groups - I simply fail to function / close down

Ideal for a 'swinger'

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hello lovely people. I’d love to know how you and when you tell someone you’re talking to/ seeing about your mental health struggles (if you do at all). Or how and when you were told. Would you have rather it had gone differently?

I didn’t talk, just had a full breakdown. My friends and loved ones knew and tried to help but there was only so much they could do without me admitting it was a problem. I unintentionally made them watch me crumple into a black hole that I still practice staying out of now.

These days I try to be more open about what’s going on in my mind and that in it’s own way helps.

Firstly, really sorry that you went through this but it’s just wonderful to hear you came out and do what you can to stay out of that hole.

Would you say if you met someone you were interested in it would be first date conversation? Or when you first feel a wobble coming up?

Appreciate your reply

Everyone is different so it’s hard to say when I’d tell someone but definitely fairly early on.

I think I tell people my life story within five minutes of meeting them lol I’m not sure if it’s because I’m being open or trying to scare them off so I’m a bad example for you "

I’m going to do it sooner rather than later haha!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"That is a tricky one and depends on the other person's mindset at the time as well. If I were struggling I couldn't cope with that knowledge, but in a good place I'd have no problems at all

If you are able to. Trust your gut"

This is also true. You don’t want to offload on someone. For me it’s more to make the person aware that it is something that affects me a lot and it will probably be something to be aware of in our relationship. Scared to be open about it but gotta tell at some point right?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I was, and continue to be, very supportive of my OH's MH issues

Most are anxiety and performance based, plus there's a hella lot of imposter syndrome going on

It has also helped me to recognise my own issues in this respect

Mine tend to be social anxieties especially in large groups - I simply fail to function / close down

Ideal for a 'swinger' "

It’s good that you’re a support and I’m sure they’re a support for you.

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By *heOriginalLoisWoman
over a year ago

London

I think a lot of it will depend on what you are looking for from the person.

If it plays a big part in your confidence, self esteem, or lack there of just say you have problems in that.

Do you really need to go into the ins and outs of your health with "casual" acquaintances?

Some people are cool about health issues and others are not, due to a lack of understanding in general.

You have to go with your gut OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its easier to discuss since Covid and more likely to have a positive reception... I think if it was me I'd open with "how did you find covid, did you struggle at all" .. And then read the response and take it from there?

I was given a tip to ask people/friends how they were twice, looking them directly in the eye.. How are you [great/fine thanks]...how are you really? [well actually I've...]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think a lot of it will depend on what you are looking for from the person.

If it plays a big part in your confidence, self esteem, or lack there of just say you have problems in that.

Do you really need to go into the ins and outs of your health with "casual" acquaintances?

Some people are cool about health issues and others are not, due to a lack of understanding in general.

You have to go with your gut OP"

My gut is telling me, I want this person as a partner and so she deserves to know at some point but I can’t decide if now or later. The worry is I choose later and have a breakdown and that ruins it or I tell her now and she doesn’t want me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think its easier to discuss since Covid and more likely to have a positive reception... I think if it was me I'd open with "how did you find covid, did you struggle at all" .. And then read the response and take it from there?

I was given a tip to ask people/friends how they were twice, looking them directly in the eye.. How are you [great/fine thanks]...how are you really? [well actually I've...] "

I think you’re right. Maybe in a natural conversation? Rather than forcing it.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It really depends on who it is. What do you know about their response to mental health in general? Are they receptive/ supportive?

It's always a risk, but it's one worth taking. Because the heartbreak of being rejected for who you are is worse, the further along you go. In your shoes I'd rather be hurt a little now than a lot later.

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

A p+sitive trait that I've witnessed is how many great and wondrous folk from the Fab Populace will offer support, guidance and just be there for their fellow 'fabsters'.

It's an admirable trait.

It's a warm reassuring feeling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/03/22 17:57:03]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try keep stuff to myself until i spiral low enough to explode i hate feeling vulnerable or needing help altho a fair few did offer there help and im grateful even tho i payed no attention

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By *uietly_KinkyMan
over a year ago

High Wycombe

It's a very long time since anyone got close enough for it to be relevant.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"I try keep stuff to myself until i spiral low enough to explode i hate feeling vulnerable or needing help altho a fair few did offer there help and im grateful even tho i payed no attention "

Well that’s 47 and a half hours of my life I’ll never get back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I try keep stuff to myself until i spiral low enough to explode i hate feeling vulnerable or needing help altho a fair few did offer there help and im grateful even tho i payed no attention

Well that’s 47 and a half hours of my life I’ll never get back "
im so worth it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think a lot of it will depend on what you are looking for from the person.

If it plays a big part in your confidence, self esteem, or lack there of just say you have problems in that.

Do you really need to go into the ins and outs of your health with "casual" acquaintances?

Some people are cool about health issues and others are not, due to a lack of understanding in general.

You have to go with your gut OP

My gut is telling me, I want this person as a partner and so she deserves to know at some point but I can’t decide if now or later. The worry is I choose later and have a breakdown and that ruins it or I tell her now and she doesn’t want me. "

Hmmm personally then I'd do it sooner rather than later, do it casually.. 'You are very important to me and i see you sharing my future, so its important for me to share something very personal' ... Gauge the reaction... if it goes well they will be pleased that you trusted them and opened up - if they reject you,well in honesty its better to know earlier before you invest more time and emotions on both sides??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I recognise some who are trying to bottle up. And I offer my waterproof shoulder, a sounding board and a leaky memory. If it helps them then I have gained a purpose.

For many it helps to be there to listen, for some its a relief valve

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