FabSwingers.com forum: Am I the only person

By *empting Devil. OP Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Who feels uncomfortable when the word 'girl' is used in discussions on sites like this?

I feel a genuine unease when people discuss what kind of girl they prefer.

By definition all of the females on the site are women, not girls. And if the underage connotation is not there then there is sometimes a patronising connotation.

So, as an unreconstructed feminist, can I campaign for a full cease and desist of use of the word girl on sex sites!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who feels uncomfortable when the word 'girl' is used in discussions on sites like this?

I feel a genuine unease when people discuss what kind of girl they prefer.

By definition all of the females on the site are women, not girls. And if the underage connotation is not there then there is sometimes a patronising connotation.

So, as an unreconstructed feminist, can I campaign for a full cease and desist of use of the word girl on sex sites!

I agree it's the same when someone says boy/s instead of man/men

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes it annoys me, sometimes it doesn't, sometimes I use it myself.

I don't know what the difference is.

I see your point and sort of agree.

I'm not a girl but I can be part of a group of girls sometimes, like the Boots here come the girls campaign thingy.

I dunno. I'm rambling.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Doesnt bother me, usually if someone calls me it they tend to be of an older generation. A saying round here is "old boy" now some may think your refering to an old man, As in "hes a nice old boy" but where actually referring to a lad.

Jay might refer to someone in their 20's as a girl because they are to him.

The one saying and i only have one that makes me feel uneasy and its more of an american term and thats baby girl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sometimes it annoys me, sometimes it doesn't, sometimes I use it myself.

I don't know what the difference is.

I see your point and sort of agree.

I'm not a girl but I can be part of a group of girls sometimes, like the Boots here come the girls campaign thingy.

I dunno. I'm rambling."

Lol go and sit in the corner with your finger on your lip until you can speak sense

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By *empting Devil. OP Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

The times when I feel disquiet is when it is used in discussions about sex amongst people who are a long way from childhood themselves.

Saying I'm going shopping with the girls is one thing. Saying I have three girls waiting in my hotel room and I'm going to fuck them all over is another...

And I know that the people who use it are not in anyway considering underage sex. I just don't think it is appropriate in a sexual connotation.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"The times when I feel disquiet is when it is used in discussions about sex amongst people who are a long way from childhood themselves.

Saying I'm going shopping with the girls is one thing. Saying I have three girls waiting in my hotel room and I'm going to fuck them all over is another...

And I know that the people who use it are not in anyway considering underage sex. I just don't think it is appropriate in a sexual connotation."

Bad case of selectivism young lady. So when your with a guy hes taking you and your lady friends upstairs for a shag but the next day when he treats you all to lunch hes treating you and the girlslol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My gran used to ask me if i had 'gotten myself a girl yet' right up until she passed away 5 yr ago! Now, call me old fashioned, but i'm feckin positive she didn't mean an underage lass!

How many times on these forums have we seen 'women' post that they are 'good girls' and would never do whatever it was on post at the time!

How many 'women' on here say they are 'having a girls night in/out'?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And I know that the people who use it are not in anyway considering underage sex. I just don't think it is appropriate in a sexual connotation."

Well you have changed your tune for the sake of argument. The reason this started was because you said, and I quote "As far as I am aware the forum rules do not allow discussions about underage sex.

So for fecks sake call us women not

girls"

That is why I stood up and defended myself, and for no other reason.

If you don't like the word fine, just like many things context is everything, and I was in no way using it in a derogatory way. Just using it as I would face to face with any girl.

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By *empting Devil. OP Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Bad case of selectivism young lady. So when your with a guy hes taking you and your lady friends upstairs for a shag but the next day when he treats you all to lunch hes treating you and the girlslol"

The selectivism is my point Diamond, it makes me feel uncomfortable when used in conjunction with sexual discussions, not in non sexual ones.

Although some do used it as a subjugating word to infantilise women and devalue them/their opinions.

The Australian parliament is having a major debate about acceptable ways in which to refer to women at the moment...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who feels uncomfortable when the word 'girl' is used in discussions on sites like this?

I feel a genuine unease when people discuss what kind of girl they prefer.

By definition all of the females on the site are women, not girls. And if the underage connotation is not there then there is sometimes a patronising connotation.

So, as an unreconstructed feminist, can I campaign for a full cease and desist of use of the word girl on sex sites!

I think girl is a nice word, it's more personal than woman. "She's a lovely girl," sounds far more appealing than, "she's a lovely woman." IMHO.

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By *eneral HysteriaMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Who feels uncomfortable when the word 'girl' is used in discussions on sites like this?

I feel a genuine unease when people discuss what kind of girl they prefer.

By definition all of the females on the site are women, not girls. And if the underage connotation is not there then there is sometimes a patronising connotation.

So, as an unreconstructed feminist, can I campaign for a full cease and desist of use of the word girl on sex sites!

To answer your question and to not go off-topic... not me: I feel no discomfort with it.

I believe it's normal practice.

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By *empting Devil. OP Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

And as I keep saying the context in which I don't feel it is appropriate is in discussions about sex on sex sites.

The connotation with underage sex is the primary issue.

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By *eneral HysteriaMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

Bad case of selectivism young lady. So when your with a guy hes taking you and your lady friends upstairs for a shag but the next day when he treats you all to lunch hes treating you and the girlslol

The selectivism is my point Diamond, it makes me feel uncomfortable when used in conjunction with sexual discussions, not in non sexual ones.

Although some do used it as a subjugating word to infantilise women and devalue them/their opinions.

The Australian parliament is having a major debate about acceptable ways in which to refer to women at the moment..."

You tell 'em - Go Girl! ermmm Sheila!

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By *empting Devil. OP Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I think girl is a nice word, it's more personal than woman. "She's a lovely girl," sounds far more appealing than, "she's a lovely woman." IMHO."

And how would you feel if you knew that you were being regularly referred to as a lovely boy?

(this is not an attack, this is a genuine request for your opinion)

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By *ifferentClassMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

There would seem to be connotations linked to the word boy (naïve, inexperienced, weak, incapable) if it is used in a certain way (often seen on here) i.e. 'I want a man, not a boy' or 'separating the men from the boys' which does not necessarily refer to age. I would argue that you would never see 'separating the women from the girls' because the word does not carry these connotations of inexperience etc. Nor does it necessarily refer to age. How often in veris do we read of how somebody is a 'big boy' - would anyone really be offended by that? As I said previously, the number of women who gladly refer to themselves as 'girls' makes it a difficult argument to support.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And as I keep saying the context in which I don't feel it is appropriate is in discussions about sex on sex sites.

The connotation with underage sex is the primary issue."

So, if i had a 'girl'friend and was to post on here that she enjoyed having sex with me, you would take that to mean an unlawful act had occurred?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

think you could be over thinking this, its a word same as woman makes no odds to me. ive never once thought negativily to the word. if people have to becareful how they use every word noone would speak

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think girl is a nice word, it's more personal than woman. "She's a lovely girl," sounds far more appealing than, "she's a lovely woman." IMHO.

And how would you feel if you knew that you were being regularly referred to as a lovely boy?

(this is not an attack, this is a genuine request for your opinion)"

Its not used like girl is, as we have the word 'guy' that people like to use that has no comparable for the female gender and is a half way house. Maybe 'gal'? But really slang for the same word...

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By *empting Devil. OP Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Which is why the thread has the title it has.

Because I don't like being referred to as a girl. I am a woman. I am a person. You might even call me a lady (though not if you migrated from the other thread...) hell, I'd prefer bint to girl!

In my mind and experience girl is used as a linguistic way to infantilise a woman. A way to make her less than equal - even the connotations of girl and boy are regarded as different and girl is regarded as more acceptable.

And as for the Americanism of baby girl! #shudders. I dated an American for a while and he could never understand why that phrase turned me off so much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think girl is a nice word, it's more personal than woman. "She's a lovely girl," sounds far more appealing than, "she's a lovely woman." IMHO.

And how would you feel if you knew that you were being regularly referred to as a lovely boy?

(this is not an attack, this is a genuine request for your opinion)"

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest, although I'm 47 years old so I'd probably suggest the person saying it visits specsavers.

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By *ifferentClassMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"think you could be over thinking this, its a word same as woman makes no odds to me. ive never once thought negativily to the word. if people have to becareful how they use every word noone would speak"

Well said. It is already a nightmare trying to have a conversation in a professional setting because of people finding offence and connotations, and common sense goes out the window. You can no longer have a 'brainstorming' session because somebody with too much time on their hands decided that this had connotations of mental illness or some such nonsense. It is now a 'thought shower' in schools, I believe. Too far!

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By *empting Devil. OP Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest, although I'm 47 years old so I'd probably suggest the person saying it visits specsavers.

But would you refer to a woman the same age as you as a lovely girl?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree that when the term girl is used its to highlight a younger woman.. however has nothing to do with anything being under age or illegal.

It depends on my mood if i refer to myself as a girl/lass or woman. dont mind it either.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Well ive decided, im way to naive for this site and ive been thinking about this now. I like being called girl, because it makes me smile cause when you get to my age you dont get called it very often.

My son is 22 if he said he had met a nice girl last night and had sex with her i would think it more normal than saying woman.

It would never enter my head if someone referred to someone as a girl on here that they ment someone under age.

Being a fellow woman id like to back you tempting as its mostly men answering but i cant on this one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well ive decided, im way to naive for this site and ive been thinking about this now. I like being called girl, because it makes me smile cause when you get to my age you dont get called it very often.

My son is 22 if he said he had met a nice girl last night and had sex with her i would think it more normal than saying woman.

It would never enter my head if someone referred to someone as a girl on here that they ment someone under age.

Being a fellow woman id like to back you tempting as its mostly men answering but i cant on this one

Exactly, if i had a partner i would refer to her as my 'girl'friend, as i feel that 'lady'friend or 'woman'friend sounds as if i've hired her for the night!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The times when I feel disquiet is when it is used in discussions about sex amongst people who are a long way from childhood themselves.

Saying I'm going shopping with the girls is one thing. Saying I have three girls waiting in my hotel room and I'm going to fuck them all over is another...

And I know that the people who use it are not in anyway considering underage sex. I just don't think it is appropriate in a sexual connotation."

This I agree with, in general. It depends a little on the person and the context but mostly the use of girl with sexual connotations does bother me.

If nothing else, if you're considering having sex with someone it would be nice if they regarded you as an adult rather than as a silly, soppy, potentially inexperienced being, which using girl rather than woman or lady suggests to me.

For shopping type fun, dining fun, evenings in fun and similar, girl is fine. For sex, call me a woman or a lady, please.

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By *empting Devil. OP Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I'm not expecting or asking anyone to back me. As the title says I was just wondering if I was alone in this way of thinking.

These discussions have drawn my attention to the fact that there are fewer ways to refer to women informally without being unpleasant than there are about men: bloke, fella, guy etc as opposed to ? What is there? Lass, gal, lady? None of them as easy to use so it seems we fall back on using girl. Which, IMHO, isn't as flexible as the variation we have for men.

And gets up my nose as.previously discussed...

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I'm not expecting or asking anyone to back me. As the title says I was just wondering if I was alone in this way of thinking.

And gets up my nose as.previously discussed..."
thats not what you said. you said you didnt like the use of it on sites like this not that it got up your nose in general. ive lost track on this thread now

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I don't like being called girl as I'm a 52 year old woman and it's usually someone younger saying it.

That said, if an older person, if on hearing me complain about getting old say, dismisses me as being but a girl...I beam...go figure!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I'm not expecting or asking anyone to back me. As the title says I was just wondering if I was alone in this way of thinking.

And gets up my nose as.previously discussed...thats not what you said. you said you didnt like the use of it on sites like this not that it got up your nose in general. ive lost track on this thread now"

Hmmm...does appear the OP is saying something different to her opening post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not expecting or asking anyone to back me. As the title says I was just wondering if I was alone in this way of thinking.

Hmmm...does appear the OP is saying something different to her opening post."

Maybe she's working through her thoughts as the thread progresses and gaining a clearer understanding of her thinking and feelings about this.

I can't know, obviously, so that's just a possible explanation that occurs to me.

I often refine my thoughts, feelings and ideas as I discuss them with others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This could be something that evolves like local accents and sayings. Im saying this as in Liverpool girl and lad is used quite a lot in greeting each other but the last couple of years girl has evolved more to a term of endearment. Ive got 3 daughters and they al great each other with girl now and my wife even joins in with it now, only this morning she compliments the clothes my youngest daughter had on for work by saying "looking good there girl".and my wife talks with a niceish scouse accent. Now young men seem to use LAD a lot some of them in each sentence thats moved on from FELLA it is funny to hear and sometimes the younger folk in our society do seem to talk in a forign language. One thing i cant cope with is these young ones who seem to try to talk like asians, is it called BATTY like Ali G I dont mean that to sound racist as we all have different accents but that one drives me nuts.lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't have an issue with being called a girl. At work, it is common to be referred to as boys and girls, in a playful way.

At my age, I am honoured to be considered as one of the girls and not an old hag!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes and no, I see the word girl to mean anyone in their 20's age group and younger but I do think its more about the context and therefore can be perfectly acceptable or unacceptable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who feels uncomfortable when the word 'girl' is used in discussions on sites like this?

I feel a genuine unease when people discuss what kind of girl they prefer.

By definition all of the females on the site are women, not girls. And if the underage connotation is not there then there is sometimes a patronising connotation.

So, as an unreconstructed feminist, can I campaign for a full cease and desist of use of the word girl on sex sites!

I'm with you. I think 'girl' is a creepy/ condescending word to use in a sexual way.

In day to day chat it's fine.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"Who feels uncomfortable when the word 'girl' is used in discussions on sites like this?

I feel a genuine unease when people discuss what kind of girl they prefer.

By definition all of the females on the site are women, not girls. And if the underage connotation is not there then there is sometimes a patronising connotation.

So, as an unreconstructed feminist, can I campaign for a full cease and desist of use of the word girl on sex sites!

OMG!! Just thought it was me. I hate the term 'lady' too. When I've asked guys not to say it they state that they are trying to be polite which is a lovely sentiment but also suggests that the word 'woman' is somehow wrong, rude and to be avoided. Why? I'm happy and proud to be a WOMAN!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/10/12 09:01:44]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son is 22 if he said he had met a nice girl last night and had sex with her i would think it more normal than saying woman.

It would never enter my head if someone referred to someone as a girl on here that they ment someone under age.

Being a fellow woman id like to back you tempting as its mostly men answering but i cant on this one

Exactly, if i had a partner i would refer to her as my 'girl'friend, as i feel that 'lady'friend or 'woman'friend sounds as if i've hired her for the night!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It all depends on how it's used in any particular sentence, but shouldn't be banned just because this it's a sex site ....

Otherwise we'd be banning words from here until eternity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who feels uncomfortable when the word 'girl' is used in discussions on sites like this?

I feel a genuine unease when people discuss what kind of girl they prefer.

I have to agree with the OP.

While it's quite ok to refer to ourselves as "girls" in the general walk of life, and between friends, there are some places that it's really out of place.

For example, it shouldn't be used in the workplace, especially between people of different grades... or anywhere formal.

In the very specific context of being here on a sex contact site (as the OP did say!) it can easily cause offence, or at the very least break a line of contact.

It also disturbs me because there are people on here, men and women, who are looking for girls, in the underage context of the word - I get several contacts hinting at it each year and quickly tell them where to go - and it's sickening when it happens...

So, no, I don't think that it's right to use the word at all here - because when it comes down to it, this is just a sex site, not a social network.

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge

"Who feels uncomfortable when the word 'girl' is used in discussions on sites like this?

I feel a genuine unease when people discuss what kind of girl they prefer.

I have to agree with the OP.

While it's quite ok to refer to ourselves as "girls" in the general walk of life, and between friends, there are some places that it's really out of place.

For example, it shouldn't be used in the workplace, especially between people of different grades... or anywhere formal.

In the very specific context of being here on a sex contact site (as the OP did say!) it can easily cause offence, or at the very least break a line of contact.

So, no, I don't think that it's right to use the word at all here - because when it comes down to it, this is just a sex site, not a social network.

"
the main problem with this is its not a sex site you may use it as a sex site but to each there own i use the site to socialise with freinds and hopefully get more contacts freindly or otherwise back to ops point you dont like the use of the word "girl" inform people you dont like it i am sure they wont use that word with you

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I much prefer to be referred to as a woman and have been known to correct people who call me a girl. I'm 56 and have all the adult and womanly desires and experiences that go with being that age and expect to be treated as such. Fine by me if other women don't mind being called girl though I'm woman enough to accept and respect that we're all different

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

can think of a lot worse things to be called than girl or girlie lol........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I couldn't refer to a women I find attractive as a girl, for me the word women means so much more.

I certainly would never entertain any suggestion of a ban on the word 'girl' on this type of site, but it simply does not form part of my language when I describe someone i feel genuinely attraction to who I consider a respected equal.

Language is important, in my mind there is a very big difference between a girl and a women. (I am in no way referring to the underage aspect of the discussion).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/10/12 09:56:25]

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

It has no negative connotations to me on this site or elsewhere...I have a friend from Fab often calls me Girlie when we speak...I go into work and say "Morning boys n girls" and I go on girly nites out with the girls...I've read the OP and the evolution of the thread and still can find no negativity for me, happy to agree to differ with the OP

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I couldn't refer to a women I find attractive as a girl, for me the word women means so much more.

Language is important, in my mind there is a very big difference between a girl and a women. (I am in no way referring to the underage aspect of the discussion). "

Couldn't agree more about language being important.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Context, tone and intent. All we have on here is some context, maybe a hint of tone and a guess at intent.

Personally, I think it is mostly derogatory to refer to women as girls. The fact that it is a norm and subconscious speaks volumes on sexual equality.

My WI family use girl alot. The curl of the lip tells me when it is meant lightly and when it is meant to put you in your place (wherever they consider that to be!).

I have had woman used in a way I have not found comfortable but even with the distance of age and time I am glad that the sixteen year old me was seen as a woman and not a girl in that context.

Just don't call me madam.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

^^ How about Ma'am (as in Jam and not smarm) ?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"^^ How about Ma'am (as in Jam and not smarm) ?

The last time that happened I was being questioned by security at JFK.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Even though i differ from the op, i have definetly learnt something from this thread. I never realized it COULD be used as a form of derogatary.

It will always stay a simple word to me but i have learnt that others dont share that _iew

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It doesn't bother me at all. But then I was a little for a good few years.

I think it's quite normal to refer to women as girls. It's like we don't say this is my man friend or this is my women friend. It's boyfriend and girlfriend.

Cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't like the terms girl/boyfriends though, and prefer to use lady/gentleman friends.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"^^ How about Ma'am (as in Jam and not smarm) ?

i really like that and the use of the word 'sir'

when I lived in the USA, there were very few things I liked but I did like the respect that is shown from younger to older family members

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

"Who feels uncomfortable when the word 'girl' is used in discussions on sites like this?

I feel a genuine unease when people discuss what kind of girl they prefer.

By definition all of the females on the site are women, not girls. And if the underage connotation is not there then there is sometimes a patronising connotation.

So, as an unreconstructed feminist, can I campaign for a full cease and desist of use of the word girl on sex sites!

My _iew is that women are called - and call themselves - things on here that I find far more offensive than 'girl'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My _iew is that women are called - and call themselves - things on here that I find far more offensive than 'girl'

Too true!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Context, tone and intent. All we have on here is some context, maybe a hint of tone and a guess at intent.

Personally, I think it is mostly derogatory to refer to women as girls. The fact that it is a norm and subconscious speaks volumes on sexual equality.

Totally agree, well put.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sorry tempting...women are girls men are boys..there is no implication that they are children to my reasoning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck me I didn't realise there were so many anal people on here! Don't call me babes, hun, love and now girl! et a grip ffs and get a life everyone knows its over 18's on here so stop all the drama queen shit ladies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no problem being called a girl but we all base our preferences on our own life experience so what is ok for me is probably not for everyone.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Fuck me I didn't realise there were so many anal people on here! Don't call me babes, hun, love and now girl! et a grip ffs and get a life everyone knows its over 18's on here so stop all the drama queen shit ladies.

I'll strop my drama queen shit as long as people keep stropping their misogynistic, casual dismissal of women. That solves it, don't call me hun, babes, sexi, girl or lady, just call me Your Majesty.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

drama queens shit ladies here, I am indignant that guys are left out of this......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll strop my drama queen shit as long as people keep stropping their misogynistic, casual dismissal of women. That solves it, don't call me hun, babes, sexi, girl or lady, just call me Your Majesty."

Her Anal Heinyness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gents can be drama queens too for certain!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I'll strop my drama queen shit as long as people keep stropping their misogynistic, casual dismissal of women. That solves it, don't call me hun, babes, sexi, girl or lady, just call me Your Majesty.

Her Anal Heinyness"

I'll accept HAH(!) for short.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wheres the T-women....back us up!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

the fact that we're mature women means we're going to have mature opinions. If you think its drama queen shit that's your prerogative but I think it possibly makes the first two words of your post less likely to happen

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