FabSwingers.com forum: Disabled life

By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

Whinge coming, anyone wanting happiness and light should click the back button.

I planned a Mum and daughter day out today. She is 5. She wants to learn a language so I booked to come to a bilingual storytelling session for children. I used to take language classes in the establishment and I know it has a lift.

My daughter has been super excited about this all week. Mr KC is having to work today so I don't have him to help and I wanted to just have a nice time with my daughter.

We arrived to find out the lift is broken. The session is three flights of stairs up. She's in the session now, with a lady (a complete stranger) and her daughter of similar age. She's just come to reassure me that my daughter is sitting happily and enjoying herself.

I also had to ask a random stranger to help me roll off the edge of a massive kerb on the way here, because the pavement was suddenly closed by scaffolding but no method provided to get down the kerb or up the other side. We (my 5yo daughter and I) had to dodge cars to get to a flatter bit of kerb, with the random (lovely) stranger trying to stop traffic.

So, I'm sat downstairs in the foyer of this building, on my own. This is not what I planned at all

Pity party over

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By *urvytreatWoman
over a year ago

somewhere nice

What a horrible start to the day! But looking for the silver lining, you still made it possible for your daughter to do what was planned and when she’s finished and comes down with a smile on her face all excited, her smile will warm her heart. I think you’re brilliant for finding a way for her to still do what was planned, a lot of people would’ve turned around and left

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Oh Mrs KC!

I'm so sorry that's happened. You must be so dissapointed and frustrated. If only they could have given you prior warning so you had the option to rearrange or have at least been prepared. Sending hugs!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope you’re day gets better

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By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

If I'd known, I'd have asked her brother to come along. I'd still have been disappointed then, because learning this language is something we would do together. Neither Mr KC nor my son speak it, other than a few words

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

It is poor that these things are not considered. I would think that laws have been broken if you have effectively been excluded from something because of your disability... regardless of the reasons. They must have a responsibility to present a solution to accessibility issues.

On the pavement closure, I would also have thought that there would be a legal requirement to close the pavements in a way as to not unduly restrict access for people with mobility issues.

If I was you, I think I would certainly write a letter of complaint to the relevant management in both cases.

Cal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The lady sounds lovely. It was kind of her to offer and also to come down and give you an update.

Shite sometimes reveals good stuff.

Maybe you can enjoy an ice cream with your daughter later and she can tell you all about it.

Hope they get the lift fixed for next time. X

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By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

I need to learn how to get upstairs in the chair and have the balls to get back down again.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

Gutted for you both!!!

that’s a really shitty combination of things that simply shouldn’t happen!! I hope this afternoon brings lots of fun after that shitshow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m do sorry

Know these kinds of things are far too common even from my extremely limited second-hand experience.Especially ramps and sloped surfaces on the pavements in smaller towns than mine its a disgrace.

Know they mean little but my thoughts are with you and your family.

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

That is just pants OP. I hope you let the establishment know your thoughts on their access points.

I hope your day gets better.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Maybe email the organisers of the storytelling and see if they would do a video of a storytelling that you two can watch together. I know it's not the same as real life but hopefully something to cheer you up

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By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Maybe email the organisers of the storytelling and see if they would do a video of a storytelling that you two can watch together. I know it's not the same as real life but hopefully something to cheer you up "

It's a bit late now, it started at 12. I'm reading a book from the foyer and trying not to cry, to be honest.

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By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

Oh, and this isn't in a small town. This is in a giant city.

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By *piderBunnyCouple
over a year ago

Back of Nowhere and Beyond

Oh Mrs. I'm so sorry. It's shit. Utterly. You should definitely make complaints to the relevant people, but I know that doesn't help now.

Sending hugs, as it's all I can do xxx

Posh

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By *parrow77Man
over a year ago

cheshire

Am sorry mrs kc I know not what you planned and how wanted this to go maybe your beautiful girl will tell you everything she’s learned when sees you and thank god for kindness of strangers.

Virtual hug wish could do more

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

Ah KC!

I know how much that must have upset you to post on here about it.

Shitty things that able bodied would think of a minor inconvenience, have ruined your nice treat.

But, the lady was so lovely to involve you, and Mini KC will have enjoyed it massively.

Have ice cream or nice lunch now, and she can tell you what she learned.

Love & hugs

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

That’s really shitty and an almost in fixable problem with current building designs.

Maybe 2 lifts should be installed to help with these issue

But I do often wonder how it could be done. I’m currently working in big tower blocks with 1 lift per block. 10 stories high. It’s sad to think anyone with a wheel chair is potentially phased out of living there

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By *heOriginalLoisWoman
over a year ago

London

Sorry to read this Mrs KC.

You know how I feel about how shitty disabled access is.

Did they even offer you a refund and to attend another time? Will the lift be fixed next week?

And if you want to cry you go ahead. It will make you feel better to vent your anger.

Sending you hugs as I am heading off to moan at M&S again for having no wheelchair trollies.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"That’s really shitty and an almost in fixable problem with current building designs.

Maybe 2 lifts should be installed to help with these issue

I'm about to move into a block with a lift and weirdly the flats on the top floor are the ones that are adapted for wheelchair users (wider doors, lower light switches, grab rails, etc). I kinda get why as they're the biggest flats but I'm sure they could have planned the building differently and I just hope the arrangements for the lift maintenance is very good!

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"That’s really shitty and an almost in fixable problem with current building designs.

Maybe 2 lifts should be installed to help with these issue

Seems a little silly to me. Fire alarms automatically turn off lifts. Let’s hope the wheelchair users aren’t alone without assistance in the event of a fire

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By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

Wheelchair users are told to wait to be evacuated from high rise buildings. We're told that the "fire refuges" will hold till a firefighter can lift us out. I don't believe it and fully expect to burn and die in such a situation. At work, we have fire evacuation chairs and Mr KC plus a few others are trained to use it. I'm expected to wait till everyone else has gone down the stairs THEN I'm to be evac chaired down.

Anyone alone in a wheelchair in a fire is basically expected to wait and probably die. Grenfell Tower involved the deaths of many, many disabled people.

My day didn't get better with disability access but I'll update later.

I want to scream but I can't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, I’m really sorry for this experience today. Have to say I am appalled at how inaccessible so much of the world is especially when I’m out in London. Saw someone talking on twitter about a horrible experience of getting off a train to find out the lift was broken. I hope the rest of your day is lovely and that we can do more to make the world accessible. What I could do more than offer love and support but sending love anyway

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By *ulldog_71Man
over a year ago

Sedgefield

I've had a slight insight into the poor facilities in a lot of places over the last 6 months, not had to go in a chair but have needed a stick and have to say for all the lack of thought that has gone into public places I have been amazed at the effort a lot of members of the public make for people they do not know that have mobility issues. I know that it can get annoying to repeatedly come up against poor facilities but the kindness of strangers is heartening.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

What a bloody awful way to spend your Mum and Daughter day Mrs KC. I really feel for you xx

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By *oreThanCurvyWoman
over a year ago

Bucks

I hope you are going to have lovely cuddles with your daughter after her activities. It's very sad not to be able to do everything for our little ones, there are many things that can limit us. But at the end of the day, it's important to stay positive for our loved ones and appreciate what we have. I'm sending hugs your way. Xxx

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By *heOriginalLoisWoman
over a year ago

London

The lift broke one year at Bournemouth football club so mum was stuck on the platform for over an hour at the end of the game. The staff didn't have a clue what to do.

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Covent Garden

KC² I'm shaking my fist in solidarity (you know!...) and sending you p+sitive vïbës.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am so sorry. What an utterly crap setup. Your needs matter and people just don't give a thought to the impact that even a small thing can have. I do hope your day with your mini-me got better.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Sending you a big Welsh hug x I’d feel disappointed too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey, hope you got to enjoy yourself while your daughter enjoyed herself. Owl cannot see and is just about to get his new dog on Monday and Pussy cat and children have a connective tissue disorder which means things dislocate all over the place. If we ruled the world the town and highways planners would all get shot and we would do what we could to educate everyone about perceiving things from the perspective of others. Very frustrating and we feel for you. We send you hugs and the strength to hold on to the love in your heart and soul while the world seems to go to Hell around you. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m so sorry

. That’s really rubbish for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just read this thread and it's both sad and frustrating. Re the scaffolding/traffic I'm not surprised, they had the road up near us a few months back, pavement and layby closed, only way through as a pedestrian was on the half open roadway that wasn't wide enough for vehicles to pass safely.

Re the lift, if the organisers had turned up and found the room they had booked was unusable they would have insisted on (or simply have been offered) an alternative venue. When the issue was "only" a broken lift though it appears not to have bothered them the same - a massive lack of awareness.

Sending a hug and hope your evening is better.

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By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

Thank you all for your kind words (both here and privately/via other means of communication).

Today has been really stressful and for me, not enjoyable, although my daughter had a great time.

Other than the pavement issue and the lack of lifts explained in the OP, things continued afterwards.

We went looking for lunch after 1pm. The first two or three restaurants/cafés had hour long waits. We ended up at a popular Japanese themed chain place, although I'd not been to that branch before. Advised 10mins for a table (fine). However, later told they had no wheelchair accessible tables and I'd have to wait for one to become free. They only have 3 in the establishment. We waited the best part of 40mins while five couples were seated ahead of us. Upon being directed to the table eventually, we passed several places where wheelchairs could have been placed, but they had people's coats on. Basically, we need not have waited anywhere near as long. 5yo daughter was absolutely fantastic in waiting though.

Going back to my workplace car park involved negotiating horribly broken pavements, damaged kerbs, absent dropped kerbs, all whilst navigating hoardes of people, including lots of pissed football fans. Despite having my daughter strapped on my knee and wearing a bright pink coat, we appeared to be invisible. We were stood on, tripped over, had cigarettes held near our faces and people swore when they finally realised they were on a collision course. Pavements were obstructed with queuing rope systems, tables/chairs, hen and stag dos, cones, scaffolding, building site encroachment. People standing in front of me and making me stop dead whilst trying to push uphill and up a kerb, with a 22kg child on my knee is absolutely fucking ridiculous and it's only because frankly I have man's shoulders that I can do it. It hurts though. My left shoulder is currently screaming at me.

It's rare I feel so fucking helpless and disabled. Anyone who knows me from here will tell you I'm no wallflower, I'm strong (in every sense of the word) and I take no crap. But today has really deflated me. I just wanted to have a nice day out with my daughter, whilst Daddy was working. I shouldn't need a 6ft 4in bloke walking alongside me/next to me to get about without hindrance. And I am fed up of sitting on the sidelines of my daughter's life, a mere spectator, relying on others to actually do things. I stopped going to parent and baby sessions for exactly this reason - I felt (and was) excluded.

Anyway, that's that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh KC I'm screaming in frustration and anger for you

I can't believe how backward we still are when it comes to disabilities.

Can you send a strongly worded letter about your whole experience to the council???

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

You've really had an awful day today, can't imagine how frustrating and crap that must feel (and it's sadly not a string of one off experiences for you I imagine).

Sending you hugs, x

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

I have been trying to think of something to say OP but I am at a loss for words.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

Unless you live in someone else's shoes, the things you take for granted, can be sobering when you see something so ordinary taken away. I hope your daughter had a great day x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mrs KC I’m literally heartbroken hearing the story of your day!! Life shouldn’t be this difficult regardless of any disabilities. While letters of complaint may not change what happened today, I do hope they help change tomorrow because until people fully understand the challenges you face on a daily basis nothing will change. Sending you the biggest bear hugs and lots of positive energy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's horrible isn't it.

Im sorry that happened and as you know we can both relent to this and I just hope that the lift is fixed very soon so you can together. I will also add people need to bear in mind not all disabilities are obvious and to give people more space and time as that is definitely what is needed and how people can help. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh KC I'm screaming in frustration and anger for you

I can't believe how backward we still are when it comes to disabilities.

Can you send a strongly worded letter about your whole experience to the council??? "

Try having a disability and living in London and being reliant on the tube network. Honestly it's so difficult and like mrs KC said something like a lift being out can mean A day out whatever you have planned has to be cancelled.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Son is a full-time wheelchair user and cannot weight bare or transfer at all, so I know all to well the pain when it comes to wheelchair access and just how much you are often not accommodated for or just completely excluded from. And I have cried a million times about it.

Unfortunately, the lift breaking was unavoidable, and although it would have helped if they could inform you, on the plus side, they did made arrangements to accommodate her and I am sure she loved it, even if it wasn't exactly what you had planned.

Perhaps a dinner or ice-cream date next where she can tell you all about it.

xXx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh KC I'm screaming in frustration and anger for you

I can't believe how backward we still are when it comes to disabilities.

Can you send a strongly worded letter about your whole experience to the council???

I have a lot of empathy.. We need policy changes.. I truly believe that as part of the curriculum, teens should spend 2 weeks in a wheelchair, experiencing life... I am sure that this would not only raise awareness, but it would bring creative solutions and policy change as they entered society

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh KC I'm screaming in frustration and anger for you

I can't believe how backward we still are when it comes to disabilities.

Can you send a strongly worded letter about your whole experience to the council???

Totally agree and I think we definitely need more awareness about hidden disabilities as well.

It's only by people like mrs KC who share their stories that things will actually change.

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By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

"My Son is a full-time wheelchair user and cannot weight bare or transfer at all, so I know all to well the pain when it comes to wheelchair access and just how much you are often not accommodated for or just completely excluded from. And I have cried a million times about it.

Perhaps a dinner or ice-cream date next where she can tell you all about it.

xXx"

The lift had been out of order for some time. The event was pre-book able and so they had both my email and phone number. The organiser didn't make accommodation, it was another parent who offered to take her upstairs with her own daughter. I was making plans "on my feet" so to speak, to leave and try and find other things to do, before the lady stepped in.

Although yes, I can stand for brief periods, I can only do so bearing weight on one leg, like a flamingo and so although I can stand up for the milliseconds it takes to snap a pic in my keks for this place, I can't ascend flights of stairs or walk around town, and whatever I do on my feet, it's on crutches and so no hands to child-wrangle. I can't sit on backless stools or hard chairs in restaurants either.

I got almost to the point of being suicidal, trying to live my life on crutches when my daughter was very little and getting my wheelchair was a new lease of life. I won't complain now about the fact I don't qualify for any state assistance with wheelchair costs, so I bear all that myself. However, just pushing along a pavement (by this, I mean self propelling) can be a nightmare and I have fallen out of my chair several times, having hit potholes and other obstacles.

Anyway, finally home now, after spending the latter part of the day at my Dad's house. His dementia is just

but he seemed to enjoy seeing his Grandchildren (we picked up Child A on the way out of Manchester).

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By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

I would challenge anyone to spend a few days, trying to live their normal lives as a wheelchair user. You wouldn't believe it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would challenge anyone to spend a few days, trying to live their normal lives as a wheelchair user. You wouldn't believe it. "

This.

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By *inky_couple2020 OP Couple
over a year ago

North West

Tomorrow, our daughter is going to a friend's bday party. We were informed the other day that it's in a function room with no wheelchair access, so guess what? Yes, Mr KC to the rescue, while feeble ol' Mrs KC attempts clothes shopping on her own. Stay tuned...

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

The world and this country are totally fucked up in all sorts of ways but ableism is one of the most crap. Of course it's only about 50 years since planning laws started coming in to require better accessibility to public buildings, so it's hardly enough time for many places to make the accommodations (sorry, sarcasm there, it's a way I have of coping with wanting to shout at the high and mighties, if not physically batter them). You had a nice day planned and it was made shit by sociatal systems that are not just crap and not fit for purpose, but that the people who run those systems don't care that they're crap.

I'm ranting when I would have preferred to say something nice to you mrs kc, to try to cheer you in some way. But I know there's nothing useful I could say.

Polly xxx

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