FabSwingers.com forum: Your views...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well now I've got over the shock, i shall ask what you would do in my position..

Sat at home on a Saturday night with friends and my eldest daughter of 21. We've had drinks and around 1 we hear banging, think oh its just next door. I go to the loo , peep in on my 15 year old daughter... she's walking towards me looking nervous, i walked into her room and found a lad the same age as her who i don't know.

What would you do and also how would you deal with your child??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd talk to her. Going mad is only going to mean she won't come to you about things.

Maybe give her a safe sex chat.

It's hard. I am hoping my 14 year old stays anti boys for a bit longer. I would however want to have words with them about sneaking into my house. Lol

Cali

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I think now is an appropriate time to chat to her. Youve also had time to calm down. If shes doing it best to make sure shes as safe as can be both protection wise and who she chooses for her partner.

I know this is serious but i cant get over the devilment of her sneaking someone in, even I waited until my mum had gone out

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I have no parenting experience but I would talk, talk and talk some more.

No anger, just reaffirm boundaries, expectations of her, contraception.

and advise the boys parents if he is under 16

not suggesting that they had sex but if he is over 16 and he knew she was under, maybe the authorities ( not sure tho, as i say I have no children )

hope it works out x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

be calm and just try explain the dangers and about being a single mum at her age as im now a grandad ...love my little grandson to bits but wish she had waited a few more years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly i would throttle the lad for the audacity of sneaking into my house, regardless of the promise he was on, i would have taken it as a personal insult to me and total disrespect that he thought it was ok for him to do it.

The daughter would be in deeeeeeeep shit too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am sorry but she is 15 and she did this under your roof while you was there no respect. After you have calmed down sit calmly and talk with her and maybe see about going the docs for contraception chat x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have no parenting experience but I would talk, talk and talk some more.

No anger, just reaffirm boundaries, expectations of her, contraception.

and advise the boys parents if he is under 16

not suggesting that they had sex but if he is over 16 and he knew she was under, maybe the authorities ( not sure tho, as i say I have no children )

hope it works out x"

talking and setting boundries is key. If the boy is of similar age then they are just finding out what it is all about. The biggest shock is, that as mums, we dont expect it of our little girl.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The safe sex chat is obviously required.

What I can't get over is her sneaking a boy in like that.

She needs to realise that in order for you to trust her, she has to behave responsibly. Time for removal of some privileges until she realises how badly she over-stepped the mark, I'd say.

The big question for me would be where to go from there. If she's having sex, she's probably going to do it anyway. Would you rather that's where you know she is safe, or in cars, woods or goodness knows where?

That's the one I'd struggle with, personally.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok this is what i did ...... I gripped the lad who was a foot taller than myself..lifted him off the floor, dragged him down the stairs and launched him out, i was screaming and shouting whilst doing this. Then calmly walked back to my daughters room , locked the window in which he came and said lie speak to you tomorrow.

Bearing in mind we've had numerous chat about the birds and bees and she has had a regular boyfriend.

I took away her phone and grounded her ... this happened 5 weeks ago, she us still grounded .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if you talk to her without being condescending it will help a great deal, although I don't have a daughter I went through a similar thing with my son. We have a fantastic relationship and he always comes to me with concerns or for advice. He is always honest and open and we have a great relationship. Good luck x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok this is what i did ...... I gripped the lad who was a foot taller than myself..lifted him off the floor, dragged him down the stairs and launched him out, i was screaming and shouting whilst doing this. Then calmly walked back to my daughters room , locked the window in which he came and said lie speak to you tomorrow.

Bearing in mind we've had numerous chat about the birds and bees and she has had a regular boyfriend.

I took away her phone and grounded her ... this happened 5 weeks ago, she us still grounded ."

And I would have done exactly the same thing. But you do need to communicate without shouting at each other what done is done and your daughter needs to know she can come to you no matter what x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Bearing in mind we've had numerous chat about the birds and bees and she has had a regular boyfriend.

I took away her phone and grounded her ... this happened 5 weeks ago, she us still grounded .

And I would have done exactly the same thing. But you do need to communicate without shouting at each other what done is done and your daughter needs to know she can come to you no matter what x"

Yes and we have a fantastic relationship, talk about everything , that's why i can't believe she did this x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is she aware of what you do I know we try to hide it as best as we can but teenagers have ways of finding out and not as innocent as they seam x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is she aware of what you do I know we try to hide it as best as we can but teenagers have ways of finding out and not as innocent as they seam x"

Oh god noooooooo lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bearing in mind we've had numerous chat about the birds and bees and she has had a regular boyfriend.

I took away her phone and grounded her ... this happened 5 weeks ago, she us still grounded .

And I would have done exactly the same thing. But you do need to communicate without shouting at each other what done is done and your daughter needs to know she can come to you no matter what x

Yes and we have a fantastic relationship, talk about everything , that's why i can't believe she did this x"

At the end of the day, she's still 15 and right in the middle of the 'pushing the boundaries' stage. You have to keep in your mind that you didn't fail anywhere here - you have done all you could like any parent. You just can't 'control' a 15 yr old like that. Some of my friends have been through hell with their kids around the same age - surging hormones have a lot to answer for...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks Porky, I've basically done the same ... she is still with her original boyfriend , he's be told of the events also.

Its hard because she can be extremely grown up at times. My problem is that she crossed a boundry ... i want to make sure that it won't happen again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The question is now you know she is active to have the trust under your own roof or would she go else where x and to sneak around I know she is grounded now but you cant keep her locked up forever x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Who can't

Joke......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks Porky, I've basically done the same ... she is still with her original boyfriend , he's be told of the events also.

Its hard because she can be extremely grown up at times. My problem is that she crossed a boundry ... i want to make sure that it won't happen again "

Don't wish to sound like an analyst, but which boundary she has crossed has got to you more? Sneaking the lad in, or that she's seeing more than one lad at once..? Hate to put this to you, but it's not that she's 'holding a mirror' up to you that really got to you? Just a thought..... same as I had with my eldest - it was more MY feelings and questioning MY standards which was the issue, rather than his behaviour which helped me handle him.... and half his friends as it turned out...

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By * pool 1Couple
over a year ago

Liverpool

Think you done what most people on here would have done and well done you,and tell her if there ever is a next time you will just call the police to deal with it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The boundary of sneaking a lad in her window! Whilst her little brother and sister slept in the next room and whilst i was downstairs with her eldest sister and my friends...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The boundary of sneaking a lad in her window! Whilst her little brother and sister slept in the next room and whilst i was downstairs with her eldest sister and my friends..."

Dr Pork here again! You've said you've had loads of birds n bees talks etc, but have you ever specifically told her 'no sneaking boys into your room'..? Interesting that you mention that her younger siblings were asleep in the next room. Is it her lack of concern about them what has upset you? At the end of the day, being sneaky aside, she did bring the lad to somewhere she feels safe and not take him behind the proverbial bike sheds (or chip shop wall in my case... ). I'm assuming your older girl didn't do this sort of thing at the same age..?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Ok, stories of underage sex is not allowed on the site, please don't post about your childs experiences.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

No my older girls didn't do such things... Hmmm i think that's where i mahogany have good wrong, not say " no sneaking boys in your bedroom window" bring them through the door next time

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"Well now I've got over the shock, i shall ask what you would do in my position..

What would you do and also how would you deal with your child??"
RESPECT, and the lack of it...thats what i would talk to her about. Then the usual contraceptive stuff, they will have sex whether its in your house or not so no need to make too much of a huge issue about the sex thing. Teenage girls are sexually active earlier than they ever were....i would maybe approach from the take responsibility for your actions, being treated like an adult etc....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No my older girls didn't do such things... Hmmm i think that's where i mahogany have good wrong, not say " no sneaking boys in your bedroom window" bring them through the door next time

" "

This may sound VERY simplistic - but I think you have hit the nail on the head there! You're KICKING yourself for not thinking of it and 'heading her off at the pass' aren't you...??????

Maybe a little chat along the lines of 'There isn't one single thing you can do that I won't have done at your age, or will know YOU have been up to' maybe what you're looking for.. Lol!

You won't stop her doing it, but she already knows she's going to have to be a lot more 'creative' next time... so Mum's going to have to up her game isn't she...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ok, stories of underage sex is not allowed on the site, please don't post about your childs experiences.

I haven't said my child was having sex... Just asking for _iews on an incident

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No my older girls didn't do such things... Hmmm i think that's where i mahogany have good wrong, not say " no sneaking boys in your bedroom window" bring them through the door next time

This may sound VERY simplistic - but I think you have hit the nail on the head there! You're KICKING yourself for not thinking of it and 'heading her off at the pass' aren't you...??????

Maybe a little chat along the lines of 'There isn't one single thing you can do that I won't have done at your age, or will know YOU have been up to' maybe what you're looking for.. Lol!

You won't stop her doing it, but she already knows she's going to have to be a lot more 'creative' next time... so Mum's going to have to up her game isn't she...

Mum will be one step ahead from thus day forward

Please excuse my predicted text from taking over my previous response

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Ok, stories of underage sex is not allowed on the site, please don't post about your childs experiences.

I haven't said my child was having sex... Just asking for _iews on an incident"

I don't believe I said you had?

I have removed the posts that did

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well now I've got over the shock, i shall ask what you would do in my position..

What would you do and also how would you deal with your child??RESPECT, and the lack of it...thats what i would talk to her about. Then the usual contraceptive stuff, they will have sex whether its in your house or not so no need to make too much of a huge issue about the sex thing. Teenage girls are sexually active earlier than they ever were....i would maybe approach from the take responsibility for your actions, being treated like an adult etc...."

So true and i did that too

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"Well now I've got over the shock, i shall ask what you would do in my position..

So true and i did that too"
Apart from just keeping an eye, there is little more you can do, not easy though xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ok, stories of underage sex is not allowed on the site, please don't post about your childs experiences.

I haven't said my child was having sex... Just asking for _iews on an incident

I don't believe I said you had?

I have removed the posts that did

My apologies

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well now I've got over the shock, i shall ask what you would do in my position..

So true and i did that tooApart from just keeping an eye, there is little mor

e you can do, not easy though xxx"

It sure ain't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would of knocked him into next week!

Lol You sound like you have it under control...good luck tho.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An opinion I had heard a while back from someone else was that if the girl was going to have sex, then it was better that she did so in the family home or the bf's family home, rather than going somewhere else feeling that it was wrong and that somewhere else maybe putting her in potential danger.

Also giving her a full talking over on the use of two methods of contraception to ensure that she doesn't fall pregnant for reasons which have already been fleshed out.

Thirdly take them to a friends and get them looking after their baby for the day and see how they cope and whether they survive the wonders of childhood

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its ALWAYS a shock to realise our kids are getting older. Whilst she was wrong for sneaking the lad, are you POSITIVE anything untoward happened? At that age, kids are getting more rebellious and maybe she just wanted to push you a bit and see how you reacted!

Without absolute proof, i wouldn't go steaming in and accuse her of doing anything as that may just make matters worse!

What i would do, would be to get in touch with the lads parents and invite them round for a chat, explain to them that you don't want this happening again that way they could keep an eye open when the kids are at their house as well. And, i would book an appointment at the family health clinic to get your daughter safe guarded against any unplanned emergencies!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Honestly i would throttle the lad for the audacity of sneaking into my house, regardless of the promise he was on, i would have taken it as a personal insult to me and total disrespect that he thought it was ok for him to do it.

The daughter would be in deeeeeeeep shit too!"

Absolutely! Just who does the little shit think he is sneaking into someone's house to fuck the daughter and then sneak out like a thif in the night. Totally unnacceptable albeit with her complicity. She'd be grounded, like, for EVER!

Seriously though, I'd read the riot act to them both then get his parents round and explain what a lousy set of parents they are. Then I'd kick seven bells of shit out of him if he ever so much as sniffed at my daughter again. (No, I wouldn't, but I'd want to).

Wishy,

dad of: 1 x 15y/o female, 1 x 3y/o male and 1 x 10mos female.

Shit, I got all this to come haven't I!!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I will answer your OP as it read to me.

As far as your OP goes nothing untoward happened so a lot of this thread has been on something that was not mentioned.

For the simple act of sneaking ANYONE into her bedroom at any time I would have grounded her like you did.

The fact she went behind your back shows a lack of respect to you, so thats where the conversation would start when I was calm enough to talk to her about it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I will answer your OP as it read to me.

As far as your OP goes nothing untoward happened so a lot of this thread has been on something that was not mentioned.

For the simple act of sneaking ANYONE into her bedroom at any time I would have grounded her like you did.

The fact she went behind your back shows a lack of respect to you, so thats where the conversation would start when I was calm enough to talk to her about it.

And it did... Right after i took her phone and privileges away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't read anywhere that the OP said they caught them having sex, only that they caught a boy in the daughters bedroom.

I would be upset about it and I would have made the boy leave and spoken to her when I was calmer, well that's in an ideal world, I might have ranted a bit in reality.

The best we can do is communicate with our children and when they do wrong, explain and set a punishment to ensure the boundaries are kept. Teens will kick out against and we just have to keep reassuring and setting the rules and family values we expect. Good luck OP, all will be well soon

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Bearing in mind we've had numerous chat about the birds and bees and she has had a regular boyfriend.

I took away her phone and grounded her ... this happened 5 weeks ago, she us still grounded ."

fancy a fuck mum?

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

And two thumbs up got you by the way

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Bearing in mind we've had numerous chat about the birds and bees and she has had a regular boyfriend.

I took away her phone and grounded her ... this happened 5 weeks ago, she us still grounded .

fancy a fuck mum?

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