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"I think both parties need to take a look at the selves and grow up personally, yes it's not nice to string somome along and just drop the odd message to keep the other person hoping that your interested but on the other hand the person being strung along needs to get a better sense of worth and stop letting such minimum effort tactics hook them. If somone is genuinly interested they should make an effort to let that be known, if somone is not willing to make a proper effort then the other person should cut that shit short before it starts negatively impacting them " Top answer x | |||
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"I think both parties need to take a look at the selves and grow up personally, yes it's not nice to string somome along and just drop the odd message to keep the other person hoping that your interested but on the other hand the person being strung along needs to get a better sense of worth and stop letting such minimum effort tactics hook them. If somone is genuinly interested they should make an effort to let that be known, if somone is not willing to make a proper effort then the other person should cut that shit short before it starts negatively impacting them " I would agree with this, but unfortunately sometimes people target those who are vulnerable. | |||
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"Of the half dozen or so threads about this, this one got the most responses. https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1221553" We can discuss it again. | |||
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"Depends on if it's deliberate or if the person just doesn't want to hurt the person's feelings and break it off. I'd rather physical abuse than emotional. Bruises heal." It’s tricky though, because it’s all interlinked isn’t it. The mental abuse took longer to heal then the physical abuse for sure, but physical abuse fucks you up emotionally too doesn’t it. | |||
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"If someone is breadcrumbing you and it's affecting your mental health then why not take control of the situation yourself and block them. You are allowing it to happen and get to you." Its not always as obvious as some like to think, at least from within. Usually only becomes so after the fact. Its often much easier to see certain behaviours from outside. | |||
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"Isn’t the abusee just allowed to grow a pair and walk away? If you recognise that it’s abusive behaviour then get the fuck out. " Easier said than done, if there's some sort of history or attachment. | |||
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"If someone is breadcrumbing you and it's affecting your mental health then why not take control of the situation yourself and block them. You are allowing it to happen and get to you. Its not always as obvious as some like to think, at least from within. Usually only becomes so after the fact. Its often much easier to see certain behaviours from outside. " Yes totally agree with this, it really is clearer from the outside. It sounds like the OP knows it's happening now so hopefully he will take action and feel better | |||
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"Isn’t the abusee just allowed to grow a pair and walk away? If you recognise that it’s abusive behaviour then get the fuck out. " I really don’t like the phrase ‘grow a pair’, it’s along the lines of man up. It’s not that simple generally, as someone said above, it depends on if there is history/attachment/triggers… It also impl | |||
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"Isn’t the abusee just allowed to grow a pair and walk away? If you recognise that it’s abusive behaviour then get the fuck out. " Depends on the level of abuse and dangerous it might be to leave. It's no always so black and white. | |||
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"Depends on if it's deliberate or if the person just doesn't want to hurt the person's feelings and break it off. I'd rather physical abuse than emotional. Bruises heal. It’s tricky though, because it’s all interlinked isn’t it. The mental abuse took longer to heal then the physical abuse for sure, but physical abuse fucks you up emotionally too doesn’t it. " | |||
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"Isn’t the abusee just allowed to grow a pair and walk away? If you recognise that it’s abusive behaviour then get the fuck out. I really don’t like the phrase ‘grow a pair’, it’s along the lines of man up. It’s not that simple generally, as someone said above, it depends on if there is history/attachment/triggers… It also impl" I didn't know Breadcrumbing was a thing. I very often use emojis at the end of a message to indicate it's light-hearted or flirticious. I will pay more attention to this in future. I totally agree with you about "growing a pair" and "man up". They are utterly discussing phrases. Another is "real men do...". I've known people, men and women, who use them for the sole purpose of demeaning the fella. | |||
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"Isn’t the abusee just allowed to grow a pair and walk away? If you recognise that it’s abusive behaviour then get the fuck out. " This is a horrible thing to say. | |||
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"Definition: "Breadcrumbing" is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. "breadcrumbs") in order to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it's leading someone on." Thanks for that I didn't have a clue lol | |||
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"Isn’t the abusee just allowed to grow a pair and walk away? If you recognise that it’s abusive behaviour then get the fuck out. This is a horrible thing to say. " Once again Outsider... nail. Head. | |||
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"I've learnt to just block them now, it's insulting that they think they can just pop into your life when theirs maybe isn't going so well and they want attention. My younger self used to be flattered, not anymore!" I second that approach life is too short to overthink why and why not… Right people don’t make you second guess things. | |||
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"I've said this before but it bears repeating. If a thought pops into my head or a song comes on the radio and it puts me in mind of someone... If I act on that thought and send a "just thinking of you" text. That could be considered "breadcrumbing". The term annoys me. 99% of people's behaviour is not nefarious, there's no malice aforethought. People are just people acting on instincts. Or you could use Ockham's razor, "the simplest option is usually the correct one". Which is more likely, I'm being kept hanging, being led on in a series of messages over the course of months or years, with planned, calculating, malicious and measured contact or somebody just thought of me so said hi?" I think there is a line between the just thinking of you and actual breadcrumbing. And it's one that is hard to figure out sometimes which side the actions land on. That's where those who are being manipulative and controlling thrive... because that's where the vulnerable ones of us struggle. | |||
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"As soon as I see it it's a deletion Got fed up of hearing nothing for weeks then a random message pop up. No get gone, " With you there x | |||
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"As soon as I see it it's a deletion Got fed up of hearing nothing for weeks then a random message pop up. No get gone, With you there x" Yup, just don't put up with anyone's shit now | |||
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"Isn’t the abusee just allowed to grow a pair and walk away? If you recognise that it’s abusive behaviour then get the fuck out. " • The "abusee" (sic) is also allowed to grow potted plants and make a sandwich. Thank goodness this isn't a thread about depression or bipolar because 'growing a pair' is far from helpful. | |||
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"As soon as I see it it's a deletion Got fed up of hearing nothing for weeks then a random message pop up. No get gone, With you there x Yup, just don't put up with anyone's shit now " I still wonder how you know the difference between "someone's shit" and someone who has a busy life and means well. Especially if it's a fab person. I'm asking out of curiosity and wanting to learn. So please don't think I'm being accusatory. Is it a certain set of behaviours? A certain type of messaging? | |||
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"Why is everyone saying abuse? Since when was leading someone on classed as abuse? It's a bit of a shitty thing to do but I wouldn't go as far to call it abouse." | |||
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"Why is everyone saying abuse? Since when was leading someone on classed as abuse? It's a bit of a shitty thing to do but I wouldn't go as far to call it abouse." Because we live in a victim society | |||
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"I’d never do such a thing. Anyway, which of you sexy things want a little bit of snuggles and cuddles? " Did anyone take you up on the offer ? It's a Pass for me | |||
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"As soon as I see it it's a deletion Got fed up of hearing nothing for weeks then a random message pop up. No get gone, With you there x Yup, just don't put up with anyone's shit now I still wonder how you know the difference between "someone's shit" and someone who has a busy life and means well. Especially if it's a fab person. I'm asking out of curiosity and wanting to learn. So please don't think I'm being accusatory. Is it a certain set of behaviours? A certain type of messaging?" I get that people have busy lives but I don't really buy that line either, especially when they are logging in and out, if someone wants to make the effort they will regardless of how busy they are! Usually indicators for me are when they've logged into Fab and multiple times and no message. Suddenly message when you have a new veri. Or they message saying they're bored. | |||
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"As soon as I see it it's a deletion Got fed up of hearing nothing for weeks then a random message pop up. No get gone, With you there x Yup, just don't put up with anyone's shit now I still wonder how you know the difference between "someone's shit" and someone who has a busy life and means well. Especially if it's a fab person. I'm asking out of curiosity and wanting to learn. So please don't think I'm being accusatory. Is it a certain set of behaviours? A certain type of messaging? I get that people have busy lives but I don't really buy that line either, especially when they are logging in and out, if someone wants to make the effort they will regardless of how busy they are! Usually indicators for me are when they've logged into Fab and multiple times and no message. Suddenly message when you have a new veri. Or they message saying they're bored. " Nods in agreement x | |||
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"Thank you for the responses guys and gals Just to point out the situation I am referring to is not related to anyone on this site but I can imagine it happens on here too. It would never bother me if someone I was sharing messages with and never met or maybe met on a couple of occasions did this. You block and move on. This is related to real life, real people and real feelings involved at some point in a relationship but then one side decides to turn nasty. ?" Well that doesn't sound like breadcrumbing... that sounds like someone changing their mind about a relationship. To me that's different. And a bad choice in partners. | |||
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"As soon as I see it it's a deletion Got fed up of hearing nothing for weeks then a random message pop up. No get gone, With you there x Yup, just don't put up with anyone's shit now I still wonder how you know the difference between "someone's shit" and someone who has a busy life and means well. Especially if it's a fab person. I'm asking out of curiosity and wanting to learn. So please don't think I'm being accusatory. Is it a certain set of behaviours? A certain type of messaging? I get that people have busy lives but I don't really buy that line either, especially when they are logging in and out, if someone wants to make the effort they will regardless of how busy they are! Usually indicators for me are when they've logged into Fab and multiple times and no message. Suddenly message when you have a new veri. Or they message saying they're bored. " Now I'd just interpret this as someone having their fingers in lots of metaphorical pies rather than breadcrumbing. You're (the royal you, not you specifically) not their top choice, but they want to keep you on the back burner. It's not that they're not interested or being deliberately manipulative, it's just that there are other people ahead of you in their queue that they're prioritising. They'd still be kicked to the kerb by me...this might be swinging, but I'm not going to be anybodys plan B. | |||
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"I've said this before but it bears repeating. If a thought pops into my head or a song comes on the radio and it puts me in mind of someone... If I act on that thought and send a "just thinking of you" text. That could be considered "breadcrumbing". The term annoys me. 99% of people's behaviour is not nefarious, there's no malice aforethought. People are just people acting on instincts. Or you could use Ockham's razor, "the simplest option is usually the correct one". Which is more likely, I'm being kept hanging, being led on in a series of messages over the course of months or years, with planned, calculating, malicious and measured contact or somebody just thought of me so said hi?" I think I’m with you on this. I can go ages without messaging people. Then I’ll just think of them and send them a message. I hope they don’t think I’m doing this thing! Something like that wouldn’t even cross my mind. | |||
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"Isn’t the abusee just allowed to grow a pair and walk away? If you recognise that it’s abusive behaviour then get the fuck out. " Does this apply to any kind of abuse, I wonder? If someone is subject to domestic violence over years - should they just "grow a pair"? I think before you say anything else on the topic of abuse, you would benefit from doing some reading. So you don't unwittingly say something so horrible again. | |||
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"I've never used the word breadcrumbing, but it's about intention for me. What's their motivation? Some people it's clearly to keep you dangling. Having very clear boundaries about what's acceptable to you and what you will/won't put up with are the ways to combat those with bad intentions. " Definitely this. And mine are very clear and very straight forward from the start. | |||
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"I've never used the word breadcrumbing, but it's about intention for me. What's their motivation? Some people it's clearly to keep you dangling. Having very clear boundaries about what's acceptable to you and what you will/won't put up with are the ways to combat those with bad intentions. Definitely this. And mine are very clear and very straight forward from the start. " I thought I had good boundaries before I joined here. I've had to be a LOT clearer and stricter or I'd get steamrollered! | |||
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"Not the sort you feed the ducks, although that used to be fun when my kid was young enough to enjoy that activity. They grow up quick so enjoy those moments while you can. I'm talking the sort that starts to have an effect on mental health. Please share your experiences if it's happened to you. More importantly how do you make it stop so it doesn't effect mental health. Why are these types of people so nasty and remain oblivious of their actions and refuse to accept the negative impact they have on people around them? Is mental abuse more or less damaging than physical abuse? " It takes time to them out tbh , it's the worst thing really , but once you do you're ok , you know who to avoid , the worst thing about it as l said you have to go through the process yourself to find these out , l learned the hard way , was promised and promised a meet when it suited the other person better , there was NO urgency on my end , none , whenever it suited them was fine , in the end that person denied even saying such but I had to go through it to find out . | |||
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"I've never used the word breadcrumbing, but it's about intention for me. What's their motivation? Some people it's clearly to keep you dangling. Having very clear boundaries about what's acceptable to you and what you will/won't put up with are the ways to combat those with bad intentions. Definitely this. And mine are very clear and very straight forward from the start. I thought I had good boundaries before I joined here. I've had to be a LOT clearer and stricter or I'd get steamrollered! " Hell yes! | |||
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"I've learnt to just block them now, it's insulting that they think they can just pop into your life when theirs maybe isn't going so well and they want attention. My younger self used to be flattered, not anymore!" Yup | |||
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"I've never used the word breadcrumbing, but it's about intention for me. What's their motivation? Some people it's clearly to keep you dangling. Having very clear boundaries about what's acceptable to you and what you will/won't put up with are the ways to combat those with bad intentions. Definitely this. And mine are very clear and very straight forward from the start. I thought I had good boundaries before I joined here. I've had to be a LOT clearer and stricter or I'd get steamrollered! Hell yes!" | |||
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"As soon as I see it it's a deletion Got fed up of hearing nothing for weeks then a random message pop up. No get gone, With you there x Yup, just don't put up with anyone's shit now I still wonder how you know the difference between "someone's shit" and someone who has a busy life and means well. Especially if it's a fab person. I'm asking out of curiosity and wanting to learn. So please don't think I'm being accusatory. Is it a certain set of behaviours? A certain type of messaging? I get that people have busy lives but I don't really buy that line either, especially when they are logging in and out, if someone wants to make the effort they will regardless of how busy they are! Usually indicators for me are when they've logged into Fab and multiple times and no message. Suddenly message when you have a new veri. Or they message saying they're bored. Now I'd just interpret this as someone having their fingers in lots of metaphorical pies rather than breadcrumbing. You're (the royal you, not you specifically) not their top choice, but they want to keep you on the back burner. It's not that they're not interested or being deliberately manipulative, it's just that there are other people ahead of you in their queue that they're prioritising. They'd still be kicked to the kerb by me...this might be swinging, but I'm not going to be anybodys plan B. " Oh absolutely Lily, nail on head there. And nope, nobody's plan B, it's made very clear | |||
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"Definition: "Breadcrumbing" is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. "breadcrumbs") in order to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it's leading someone on." Oh, leading someone on. What was wrong with that phrase?! | |||
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"Definition: "Breadcrumbing" is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. "breadcrumbs") in order to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it's leading someone on. Oh, leading someone on. What was wrong with that phrase?! " Life likes to confuse us these days with all these new phrases and words . Keeps us on our toes. | |||
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"Definition: "Breadcrumbing" is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. "breadcrumbs") in order to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it's leading someone on. Oh, leading someone on. What was wrong with that phrase?! Life likes to confuse us these days with all these new phrases and words . Keeps us on our toes. " For sure, up until 5 years ago I would have never known what these words referred to. Narccisism is on the increase, perhaps? | |||
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"Definition: "Breadcrumbing" is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. "breadcrumbs") in order to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it's leading someone on. Oh, leading someone on. What was wrong with that phrase?! Life likes to confuse us these days with all these new phrases and words . Keeps us on our toes. For sure, up until 5 years ago I would have never known what these words referred to. Narccisism is on the increase, perhaps? " I think it may have been separated into categories. There was a word the other day I can’t remember what it was now which sounded similar to that. | |||
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"Definition: "Breadcrumbing" is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. "breadcrumbs") in order to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it's leading someone on. Oh, leading someone on. What was wrong with that phrase?! Life likes to confuse us these days with all these new phrases and words . Keeps us on our toes. For sure, up until 5 years ago I would have never known what these words referred to. Narccisism is on the increase, perhaps? I think it may have been separated into categories. There was a word the other day I can’t remember what it was now which sounded similar to that. " Ghosting ? | |||
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"Definition: "Breadcrumbing" is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. "breadcrumbs") in order to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it's leading someone on. Oh, leading someone on. What was wrong with that phrase?! Life likes to confuse us these days with all these new phrases and words . Keeps us on our toes. For sure, up until 5 years ago I would have never known what these words referred to. Narccisism is on the increase, perhaps? I think it may have been separated into categories. There was a word the other day I can’t remember what it was now which sounded similar to that. Ghosting ?" No | |||
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"Definition: "Breadcrumbing" is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. "breadcrumbs") in order to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it's leading someone on. Oh, leading someone on. What was wrong with that phrase?! Life likes to confuse us these days with all these new phrases and words . Keeps us on our toes. For sure, up until 5 years ago I would have never known what these words referred to. Narccisism is on the increase, perhaps? I think it may have been separated into categories. There was a word the other day I can’t remember what it was now which sounded similar to that. Ghosting ? No" Gaslighting I think. Does that sound right? So many words! | |||
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"Definition: "Breadcrumbing" is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. "breadcrumbs") in order to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it's leading someone on. Oh, leading someone on. What was wrong with that phrase?! Life likes to confuse us these days with all these new phrases and words . Keeps us on our toes. For sure, up until 5 years ago I would have never known what these words referred to. Narccisism is on the increase, perhaps? I think it may have been separated into categories. There was a word the other day I can’t remember what it was now which sounded similar to that. Ghosting ? No Gaslighting I think. Does that sound right? So many words!" Gaslighting is also something narcissistic people do. But it can be considerably more abusive - it means making someone question their reality. "Oh you must have forgotten" "You're just imagining it" "You're too sensitive". | |||
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"Definition: "Breadcrumbing" is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. "breadcrumbs") in order to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it's leading someone on. Oh, leading someone on. What was wrong with that phrase?! Life likes to confuse us these days with all these new phrases and words . Keeps us on our toes. For sure, up until 5 years ago I would have never known what these words referred to. Narccisism is on the increase, perhaps? I think it may have been separated into categories. There was a word the other day I can’t remember what it was now which sounded similar to that. Ghosting ? No Gaslighting I think. Does that sound right? So many words!" The head says, It's similar to breadcrumbing. Need a spare brain to keep up with all these new words | |||
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"Definition: "Breadcrumbing" is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. "breadcrumbs") in order to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it's leading someone on. Oh, leading someone on. What was wrong with that phrase?! Life likes to confuse us these days with all these new phrases and words . Keeps us on our toes. For sure, up until 5 years ago I would have never known what these words referred to. Narccisism is on the increase, perhaps? I think it may have been separated into categories. There was a word the other day I can’t remember what it was now which sounded similar to that. Ghosting ? No Gaslighting I think. Does that sound right? So many words! Gaslighting is also something narcissistic people do. But it can be considerably more abusive - it means making someone question their reality. "Oh you must have forgotten" "You're just imagining it" "You're too sensitive"." Yes that’s the one I meant x | |||
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"This is why we have a strict no food when in bed Nothing worse that the feeling of breadcrumbs or biscuit crumbs when you roll over at night " Haha Always one | |||
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"Definition: "Breadcrumbing" is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. "breadcrumbs") in order to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it's leading someone on." So flirting is no longer allowed? Save us all from the PC police | |||
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