FabSwingers.com forum: Message/chat experiment

By *rad670 OP Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

I'm doing a message/chat experiemnt and so far don't like the results and it could get worse. Possibly ike many fellas I am in touch with a few friends on here and chat often but not every day, some are people I've met, some may possibly meet and others just chat friends. I did think I was having to instigate all the conversations and although I usually get nice replies I had to wonder how long it would be before I got a first message from any of the friends I normally chat with and guess what?? 3-4 days from some, 1-2 days from others. So to allow for the weekend and people having lives outside of Fab I'm going to leave it for the week and see what happens, I'm afraid I will be even more disappointed. Does anyone else feel they are the ones always having to instigate a conversation? Not often I'm on a downer, normal happy service will be resumed soon I'm sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There’s an easy step-by-step way to know if you have to instigate a conversation with the opposite sex on here:

1. Inspect genitals. If you have a vagina, go to 2, if you have a penis, go to 3

2. Let them instigate the conversation.

3. You should instigate the conversation.

Simple. Although to be fair it’s great that you get conversation at all, and that they message you eventually if you don’t. I think you’re winning at Fab just with that

#silverlinings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now that you made me think about it there are a couple who might start a conversation. Equally it could be a response to something I said ages ago and they only just noticed..

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Some people just honestly forget to message. Mix it up with people who love to chat and it doesn't feel bad, if the messaging is turning into one words and with no effort then look at walking away, but not everyone is the same chatty wise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some people just honestly forget to message. Mix it up with people who love to chat and it doesn't feel bad, if the messaging is turning into one words and with no effort then look at walking away, but not everyone is the same chatty wise

I just put it down to ladies getting shitloads of messages and I'm not top of their hit parade. Such is life..

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By *rad670 OP Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

Thanks for putting some perspective on it, normal happy self nearly back in the room, I agree I obviously do OK to even get conversations.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

One of the people I chat to from here sends me a good morning WhatsApp every single morning. I never message first (mainly because he's awake far earlier than I). The only times I've ever messaged him first have been if I've not had a message by lunchtime and I'm not aware he's away or with his FWB or otherwise occupied, when I just check that he's ok.

Its not that I'm expecting him to run after me, that's a routine we seem to have settled into.

With others I can be the first to initiate chat.

When it comes to meeting up in person both my current FWBs are married and have families as well as playing as a couple and attending clubs, so I figure they have significantly more calls on their time than I do and they'll give me a shout every month or two when they have free time to meet up.

Again, it's not about them pursuing, it's that I don't want to be a nuisance if they aren't available.

There are all sorts of reasons why one person may do most of the initiating, it's not always that the initiator is being taken for granted.

I do understand your feeling that way though, there have been times when I've felt like I was carrying a friendship and it's never a good place to be. I tend to look at how enthusiastic someone's responses are to me rather than who messages first, it feels like that gives a truer picture

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Not a fan of single word instigation convo like hi or hello.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

It varies but as a rule whoever messaged last is awaiting a response, even if it was the end of that days conversation, the other person starts it up again. I won’t chase or send another message for days / weeks if needs be, unless I have something very specific to say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aww, don’t feel down. Although I can understand where you’re coming from - it’s not a nice feeling when you’re the one initiating every conversation/ putting all the effort in, which can then lead to resentment and that’s even worse!

What I would say, is that I am much less invested in Fab than I was on other dating sites. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the forum and there’s some great people on here. But I don’t care in the same way that I do for my actual friends and family (and even then I’m not always the best at keeping in touch!). I feel way more complacent in Fab, probably also to do with the volume of messages received. I would have to really, really like someone to bother keeping in touch with them.

My advice would be to step back a bit, and let them come to you. If they’re that bothered, they will. If not, you’ll at least have your answer.

Good luck.

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By *rMrsBrightsideCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle

So I chat to quiet a few people with varying degrees of regularity. I generally let them decide how often to message. Basically because I don’t want to seem like I’m too much effort. I know everyone has lives away from here and I never want people to feel like that have to message me so I’m careful not to message too much. I am aware that this may come across as though they are the ones instigating the messages and I’m not that interested but that isn’t a case. I just want people to message me because they want to not because they feel they have to.

If I haven’t heard from someone for a while I will send them a message to check in on them but I wouldn’t pursue people if I feel like they aren’t really interested in chatting.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Honestly, messaging every few days would be too much for me. I don't even speak to my best friend that often.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm doing a message/chat experiemnt and so far don't like the results and it could get worse. Possibly ike many fellas I am in touch with a few friends on here and chat often but not every day, some are people I've met, some may possibly meet and others just chat friends. I did think I was having to instigate all the conversations and although I usually get nice replies I had to wonder how long it would be before I got a first message from any of the friends I normally chat with and guess what?? 3-4 days from some, 1-2 days from others. So to allow for the weekend and people having lives outside of Fab I'm going to leave it for the week and see what happens, I'm afraid I will be even more disappointed. Does anyone else feel they are the ones always having to instigate a conversation? Not often I'm on a downer, normal happy service will be resumed soon I'm sure. "

So just because you message someone they aren't bound to message you straight back!, I'm one of them people I may see a message read it then forget to reply either because I'm busy or I just forget, don't take it so personally mate ts just social media

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't actually keep with messages enough to contact all the people I like to talk to. It's just logistics and this site makes it hard to find a message. If only we could mark messages in a different colour it would make it so much easier. I have quite a few male friends on here and I think they all contact me, I'm afraid to say. I enjoy chatting to them. It doesn't mean I don't value them.

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By *rad670 OP Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

Thanks again everyone for the varied input and throwing a different perspective on my initial thoughts, it's proably highlighted I am reading too much into it and there is probably numerous reasons for not always getting a message, probably highlights I also spend too much time on here too and I maybe need to re-evaluate that time spent.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

. (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Sometimes I've read a message and then leave sending back a reply until I've thought of a witty/deep/suitable response...!?

...life then gets in the way and time has ticked past without even realising ...I then either remember I needed to reply or need nudging if the communication is just on here

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