FabSwingers.com forum: Abuse isn't love !!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm in a resltionship right my partner says she loves me. But all she does is treats me like shit and mentally abuses me. I've been told to get out bt it's so hard to do that I need advice.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *asepaul71Man
over a year ago

Buxton

Nobody should put up with any form of abuse regardless if it's mental or physical. It's easy for me to say get out but I don't know your situation fully.

Bruises do heel and take getting over, mental abuse can be harder to get over.

I'd say step away if you can. I hope you find the support you need, saying I love you comes easy to some, meaning it is a whole different game.

Take care kidda

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eisty LadyWoman
over a year ago

Count Your Blessings Cottage, Gratitude Grove

No one should take shot from anyone - no matter if it’s their partner or not

Talk to someone or ring a helpline, someone will talk you through your options

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Nobody should put up with any form of abuse regardless if it's mental or physical. It's easy for me to say get out but I don't know your situation fully.

Bruises do heel and take getting over, mental abuse can be harder to get over.

I'd say step away if you can. I hope you find the support you need, saying I love you comes easy to some, meaning it is a whole different game.

Take care kidda"

I just think about my kids they come first. Just scared not to see them as she would do that to me just to hurt me and make me suffer mate.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Good advice.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *izzy.miss.lizzyCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

you shouldn't be treated like that

I hope you will be ok

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eisty LadyWoman
over a year ago

Count Your Blessings Cottage, Gratitude Grove

Maybe she’s not happy that she is home with the kids and you’re shagging about on here. Isn’t that a different form of treating someone like shit?

Sometimes such things piss partners off

If a relationship isn’t working walk away and don’t look back. You are legally entitled to see your kids

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *asepaul71Man
over a year ago

Buxton

"Nobody should put up with any form of abuse regardless if it's mental or physical. It's easy for me to say get out but I don't know your situation fully.

Bruises do heel and take getting over, mental abuse can be harder to get over.

I'd say step away if you can. I hope you find the support you need, saying I love you comes easy to some, meaning it is a whole different game.

Take care kidda

I just think about my kids they come first. Just scared not to see them as she would do that to me just to hurt me and make me suffer mate."

Kids should never be used as pawns in relationships, I know. Only you can figure the best way forward, talk to your family or friends if you can

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Maybe she’s not happy that she is home with the kids and you’re shagging about on here. Isn’t that a different form of treating someone like shit?

Sometimes such things piss partners off

Well it's probs why I'm on here loyalty goes when your abused trust me don't go through it lol.

If a relationship isn’t working walk away and don’t look back. You are legally entitled to see your kids"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seek counselling from professionals

Get yourself safe if needed

Make sure your kids are looked after - the threats for you not to see them is just further control

Maybe get rid of your profile here too - it will be used against you, especially as you have face pics showing

It only takes one of her mates to spot it, or someone known to you who likes a bit of drama

Also (and this is not victim blaming) try and figure out if anything you have done or been through acted as a catalyst

I assume it hasn't always been like this, so identifying a trigger may help

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's just more hindonse to my life atm. I'm a big lad just don't want it to be 50 years down the line me regretting losing out on finding that lady of my dreams.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's just more hindonse to my life atm. I'm a big lad just don't want it to be 50 years down the line me regretting losing out on finding that lady of my dreams."

See, that sounds a bit like bollocks to me

I assume she was the lady of your dreams at one point - hence the kids

Nobody intentionally starts a family with someone they're just 'settling' for surely?

So, what changed?

Was it you?

Was it her?

Was it other circumstances?

Do you just want out of the relationship and find yourself clutching at get out clauses so you don't come across as a twat?

I realise this is in contradiction of my previous post, but that comment just made me think the post isn't as genuine as it first appeared

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's just more hindonse to my life atm. I'm a big lad just don't want it to be 50 years down the line me regretting losing out on finding that lady of my dreams.

See, that sounds a bit like bollocks to me

I assume she was the lady of your dreams at one point - hence the kids

Nobody intentionally starts a family with someone they're just 'settling' for surely?

So, what changed?

Was it you?

Was it her?

Was it other circumstances?

Do you just want out of the relationship and find yourself clutching at get out clauses so you don't come across as a twat?

I realise this is in contradiction of my previous post, but that comment just made me think the post isn't as genuine as it first appeared"

Think what you like I don't give a fuck like your opinions

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *il sub princessWoman
over a year ago

West Midlands

"It's just more hindonse to my life atm. I'm a big lad just don't want it to be 50 years down the line me regretting losing out on finding that lady of my dreams.

See, that sounds a bit like bollocks to me

I assume she was the lady of your dreams at one point - hence the kids

Nobody intentionally starts a family with someone they're just 'settling' for surely?

So, what changed?

Was it you?

Was it her?

Was it other circumstances?

Do you just want out of the relationship and find yourself clutching at get out clauses so you don't come across as a twat?

I realise this is in contradiction of my previous post, but that comment just made me think the post isn't as genuine as it first appeared

Think what you like I don't give a fuck like your opinions

But you're here asking for opinions?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's just more hindonse to my life atm. I'm a big lad just don't want it to be 50 years down the line me regretting losing out on finding that lady of my dreams.

See, that sounds a bit like bollocks to me

I assume she was the lady of your dreams at one point - hence the kids

Nobody intentionally starts a family with someone they're just 'settling' for surely?

So, what changed?

Was it you?

Was it her?

Was it other circumstances?

Do you just want out of the relationship and find yourself clutching at get out clauses so you don't come across as a twat?

I realise this is in contradiction of my previous post, but that comment just made me think the post isn't as genuine as it first appeared

Think what you like I don't give a fuck like your opinions

But you're here asking for opinions?"

Well everyone has a opinion but crap ones don't reslly matter babe.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's just more hindonse to my life atm. I'm a big lad just don't want it to be 50 years down the line me regretting losing out on finding that lady of my dreams.

See, that sounds a bit like bollocks to me

I assume she was the lady of your dreams at one point - hence the kids

Nobody intentionally starts a family with someone they're just 'settling' for surely?

So, what changed?

Was it you?

Was it her?

Was it other circumstances?

Do you just want out of the relationship and find yourself clutching at get out clauses so you don't come across as a twat?

I realise this is in contradiction of my previous post, but that comment just made me think the post isn't as genuine as it first appeared

Think what you like I don't give a fuck like your opinions

But you're here asking for opinions?

Well everyone has a opinion but crap ones don't reslly matter babe."

By crap ones, you mean ones you don't agree with?

We're going off sketchy info and one version of events, yours

At first, I gave you the benefit of the doubt

The comment about meeting the woman of your dreams just changed the context though and made your OP seem a little less genuine

Either way, from what I can read, the relationship is toxic and for both your sakes and those of the kids, one of you needs to find the strength to recognise that and leave

Otherwise it will fester, the toxicity will get worse and it will be harder to compromise and have some sort of healthy adult (albeit separated) relationship going forward

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *il sub princessWoman
over a year ago

West Midlands

"It's just more hindonse to my life atm. I'm a big lad just don't want it to be 50 years down the line me regretting losing out on finding that lady of my dreams.

See, that sounds a bit like bollocks to me

I assume she was the lady of your dreams at one point - hence the kids

Nobody intentionally starts a family with someone they're just 'settling' for surely?

So, what changed?

Was it you?

Was it her?

Was it other circumstances?

Do you just want out of the relationship and find yourself clutching at get out clauses so you don't come across as a twat?

I realise this is in contradiction of my previous post, but that comment just made me think the post isn't as genuine as it first appeared

Think what you like I don't give a fuck like your opinions

But you're here asking for opinions?

Well everyone has a opinion but crap ones don't reslly matter babe."

What advice were you expecting? I think you've received very mature replies here. Perhaps maturity us what it comes down to.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's just more hindonse to my life atm. I'm a big lad just don't want it to be 50 years down the line me regretting losing out on finding that lady of my dreams.

See, that sounds a bit like bollocks to me

I assume she was the lady of your dreams at one point - hence the kids

Nobody intentionally starts a family with someone they're just 'settling' for surely?

So, what changed?

Was it you?

Was it her?

Was it other circumstances?

Do you just want out of the relationship and find yourself clutching at get out clauses so you don't come across as a twat?

I realise this is in contradiction of my previous post, but that comment just made me think the post isn't as genuine as it first appeared

Think what you like I don't give a fuck like your opinions

But you're here asking for opinions?

Well everyone has a opinion but crap ones don't reslly matter babe.

What advice were you expecting? I think you've received very mature replies here. Perhaps maturity us what it comes down to."

No worries I've had a good read some are genuinely helpful some just the truth No worries.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/02/22 01:48:06]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *il sub princessWoman
over a year ago

West Midlands

"It's just more hindonse to my life atm. I'm a big lad just don't want it to be 50 years down the line me regretting losing out on finding that lady of my dreams.

See, that sounds a bit like bollocks to me

I assume she was the lady of your dreams at one point - hence the kids

Nobody intentionally starts a family with someone they're just 'settling' for surely?

So, what changed?

Was it you?

Was it her?

Was it other circumstances?

Do you just want out of the relationship and find yourself clutching at get out clauses so you don't come across as a twat?

I realise this is in contradiction of my previous post, but that comment just made me think the post isn't as genuine as it first appeared

Think what you like I don't give a fuck like your opinions

But you're here asking for opinions?

Well everyone has a opinion but crap ones don't reslly matter babe.

What advice were you expecting? I think you've received very mature replies here. Perhaps maturity us what it comes down to.

No worries I've had a good read some are genuinely helpful some just the truth No worries."

Good luck

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's just more hindonse to my life atm. I'm a big lad just don't want it to be 50 years down the line me regretting losing out on finding that lady of my dreams.

See, that sounds a bit like bollocks to me

I assume she was the lady of your dreams at one point - hence the kids

Nobody intentionally starts a family with someone they're just 'settling' for surely?

So, what changed?

Was it you?

Was it her?

Was it other circumstances?

Do you just want out of the relationship and find yourself clutching at get out clauses so you don't come across as a twat?

I realise this is in contradiction of my previous post, but that comment just made me think the post isn't as genuine as it first appeared

Think what you like I don't give a fuck like your opinions

But you're here asking for opinions?

Well everyone has a opinion but crap ones don't reslly matter babe.

What advice were you expecting? I think you've received very mature replies here. Perhaps maturity us what it comes down to.

No worries I've had a good read some are genuinely helpful some just the truth No worries.

Good luck

Big uppppp haha

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can leave the relationship and still be there for the kids which you will have the same rights to as her , don't leave her in bad terms and try to agree as much as you can so use split everything fair. Jumping about being single is not all its cracked up to be, but staying in a relationship that's as toxic as yours is not good for you or your kids.

Woman of your dreams is not on here I'm sure haha but Woman of your next fun meet might be, all the best anyhoo

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lifes too short, start living

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

Try the samaritains helpline

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm in a resltionship right my partner says she loves me. But all she does is treats me like shit and mentally abuses me. I've been told to get out bt it's so hard to do that I need advice."

I was about to say run for the hills then see that you have kids.

But the longer you stay in an abusive, harmful relationship, the worse it will become.

Feel very, very sorry for guys in this situation. The prospect of having to walk away from your kids must be horrific.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm guessing you say you love her yet you're on here fucking about.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm guessing you say you love her yet you're on here fucking about.

Was just about to say this. I think she should run..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/02/22 07:01:52]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm guessing you say you love her yet you're on here fucking about.

Was just about to say this. I think she should run.."

Or he could be on here because of how he is bring treated.

We never know here as you only get one side of the story.....would also be interested to see the responses to a single female profile saying she was in an abusive relationship.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm guessing you say you love her yet you're on here fucking about.

Was just about to say this. I think she should run..

Or he could be on here because of how he is bring treated.

We never know here as you only get one side of the story.....would also be interested to see the responses to a single female profile saying she was in an abusive relationship."

He could be yes.

In which case he should leave.

Just having been through it, where you're made out to be the 'mental abusive' one just to validate their cheating behaviour, it's not always so clear cut.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck her right in the pussy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

No one EVER came here because of how they are treated.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's just more hindonse to my life atm. I'm a big lad just don't want it to be 50 years down the line me regretting losing out on finding that lady of my dreams.

See, that sounds a bit like bollocks to me

I assume she was the lady of your dreams at one point - hence the kids

Nobody intentionally starts a family with someone they're just 'settling' for surely?

So, what changed?

Was it you?

Was it her?

Was it other circumstances?

Do you just want out of the relationship and find yourself clutching at get out clauses so you don't come across as a twat?

I realise this is in contradiction of my previous post, but that comment just made me think the post isn't as genuine as it first appeared

Think what you like I don't give a fuck like your opinions

But you're here asking for opinions?

Well everyone has a opinion but crap ones don't reslly matter babe."

It seems by this latest comment that you aren't looking for opinions, merely validation and justification.

I wish you well and hope you will seek the professional guidance and counselling you need to help resolve this, not least for the sake of your children not becoming pawns between you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is The Man's advice helpline you could call for advice too. All the strength your way.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No one EVER came here because of how they are treated.

Unless you've spoke with ever single person who has ever came to Fab, I don't know how you can make that statement with any certainty.

The OP could be the innocent or guilty party here. We'll never know. You either take folk at face value or call them a liar (not you specifically....meaning anyone commenting on a thread).

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

You should seek professional advice. Your GP (phone appointments can be a real blessing here), an abuse hotline, a counselling if you can access one.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I'm the result of parents who had a toxic relationship. An abusive mother and a father who tried his hardest.

Guess what staying for the kids gifts them? It gives them the gift of they themselves finding unhealthy relationships with abusers and narcissists because they've not witnessed healthy discussions or boundary making. It gives them the gift of remaining in abusive relationships for the sake of their own children because that's what they think they must do. It gives them the gift of self loathing, self harm, and guilt. Guilt for even being born in the first place coz if they'd never been born their parents would never have stayed together.

So tell me, do you really want to give your kids those gifts? Leave them with that as a byproduct of their environment? Or maybe do you think it would serve them better to provide them with a safe space perhaps?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

You can’t safely leave your kids with your abuser. Your exit plan has to include taking them to safety with you and using the courts and legal system to protect them and you. There are refuges out there that will help men - it takes a lot of gumption to walk away from everything, social approval, financial stability, support, sometimes employment - to keep yourself and your kids safe. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but so worth it.

For the people judging, a huge number of women leaving abusive relationships cheat before they leave. They need that confidence boost to repair the damage abuse has done. I don’t see why it’s different for men?

I tried Relate first, and I’d recommend that to anyone. Good luck.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to do what it is right for you otherwise you may regret it for the rest of your life. The first person you have to think about is you. It's the only person you can control x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I'm in a resltionship right my partner says she loves me. But all she does is treats me like shit and mentally abuses me. I've been told to get out bt it's so hard to do that I need advice."

She's given you the green light to leave.

Most abusers don't want you to leave and make it crystal clear that if you did leave you'd regret it, you'd be living in fear (if you lived at all) and make you believe you'd never survive without them, and if they did kick you out they'd do it at a time when they knew you absolutely had no money for a hotel, nowhere to go at that moment hence ensuring you'd be on your knees promising to be better and do as they say so you have a roof over your head for one more night until you can sort something out. Then guess what, you can't sort something out because something would happen where they'd need you there and back to square one for the millionth time.

Get out whilst you can.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

Get off Fab.

It is unlikely the source of the woman of your dreams (or man) and whilst you are looking and hoping you are not doing the things that will give you and your kids a better outcome.

Displacement activity at its worst, thinking with dick rather than brain.

Put (and find) hope in something more tangible than Fab *then* come back.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Get off Fab.

It is unlikely the source of the woman of your dreams (or man) and whilst you are looking and hoping you are not doing the things that will give you and your kids a better outcome.

Oh shut up your like watching paint dry.

Displacement activity at its worst, thinking with dick rather than brain.

Put (and find) hope in something more tangible than Fab *then* come back.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm in a resltionship right my partner says she loves me. But all she does is treats me like shit and mentally abuses me. I've been told to get out bt it's so hard to do that I need advice."

Get professional legal advice first before you do anything else.

I've a number of friends who have lost all contact with thier kids because the vindictive ex thinks it's perfectly acceptable to use them as weapons against them.

Don't expect an easy ride. One of my friends ex was an I.V. drug user and an alcoholic. He had to fight for his kids for 4 years. The courts for some reason thought because she had a vagina she would naturally be the best parent.

The whole game is rigged against fathers. So as I said. Get legal advice before you do anything else. Document everything she says, with times dates and if possible recordings. Chances are she will lie about you. Women are often encouraged to lie about abuse in the home etc to make sure they get custody.

Be very very careful.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

"Get off Fab.

It is unlikely the source of the woman of your dreams (or man) and whilst you are looking and hoping you are not doing the things that will give you and your kids a better outcome.

Oh shut up your like watching paint dry.

Displacement activity at its worst, thinking with dick rather than brain.

Put (and find) hope in something more tangible than Fab *then* come back.

If it is paint drying it's probably the writing on the wall. You don't like this or any other opinion that suggests that focussing on fab may not give you the best outcome for you and your kids. Having had a read through your posts I can see why. I cannot say for certain, but your back story doesn't add up. At the very least you looking for a sub woman for "total domination" whilst saying here you are in an abusive relationship is a very dangerous path for the sub (and possibly you). Unpick your problems before you create more.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm guessing you say you love her yet you're on here fucking about.

Exactly this! Do you know the effects that sneaky behaviour will have on your partner, probably enough to make her react to you differently. People notice these things.

If you have kids why not sit down have a conversation about what you both want and sort or amicably, surely it's not a good environment for them. You both sound unhappy.

Mrs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"I'm in a resltionship right my partner says she loves me. But all she does is treats me like shit and mentally abuses me. I've been told to get out bt it's so hard to do that I need advice."

Whatsoever she do to you OP? Sounds like a dreadful situation.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"I'm in a resltionship right my partner says she loves me. But all she does is treats me like shit and mentally abuses me. I've been told to get out bt it's so hard to do that I need advice.

Whatsoever she do to you OP? Sounds like a dreadful situation."

*what does*

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm guessing you say you love her yet you're on here fucking about.

Exactly this! Do you know the effects that sneaky behaviour will have on your partner, probably enough to make her react to you differently. People notice these things.

If you have kids why not sit down have a conversation about what you both want and sort or amicably, surely it's not a good environment for them. You both sound unhappy.

Mrs"

I want to see you say this to a woman who's is being abused.

Honestly this fucking planet. None of you know his story but because he's a man let's all point the finger and blame him. None of you would be making this comment if it was a woman.

Absolutely disgusting.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I'm guessing you say you love her yet you're on here fucking about.

Exactly this! Do you know the effects that sneaky behaviour will have on your partner, probably enough to make her react to you differently. People notice these things.

If you have kids why not sit down have a conversation about what you both want and sort or amicably, surely it's not a good environment for them. You both sound unhappy.

Mrs

I want to see you say this to a woman who's is being abused.

Honestly this fucking planet. None of you know his story but because he's a man let's all point the finger and blame him. None of you would be making this comment if it was a woman.

Absolutely disgusting."

Well said!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm guessing you say you love her yet you're on here fucking about.

Exactly this! Do you know the effects that sneaky behaviour will have on your partner, probably enough to make her react to you differently. People notice these things.

If you have kids why not sit down have a conversation about what you both want and sort or amicably, surely it's not a good environment for them. You both sound unhappy.

Mrs

I want to see you say this to a woman who's is being abused.

Honestly this fucking planet. None of you know his story but because he's a man let's all point the finger and blame him. None of you would be making this comment if it was a woman.

Absolutely disgusting."

I agree. Some really harsh comments on here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I'm guessing you say you love her yet you're on here fucking about.

Exactly this! Do you know the effects that sneaky behaviour will have on your partner, probably enough to make her react to you differently. People notice these things.

If you have kids why not sit down have a conversation about what you both want and sort or amicably, surely it's not a good environment for them. You both sound unhappy.

Mrs

I want to see you say this to a woman who's is being abused.

Honestly this fucking planet. None of you know his story but because he's a man let's all point the finger and blame him. None of you would be making this comment if it was a woman.

Absolutely disgusting.

I agree. Some really harsh comments on here.

Indeed. Being on here is certainly not the solution but it is totally clear that the equality factor goes out of the window when it's a man in this situation.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm guessing you say you love her yet you're on here fucking about.

Exactly this! Do you know the effects that sneaky behaviour will have on your partner, probably enough to make her react to you differently. People notice these things.

If you have kids why not sit down have a conversation about what you both want and sort or amicably, surely it's not a good environment for them. You both sound unhappy.

Mrs

I want to see you say this to a woman who's is being abused.

Honestly this fucking planet. None of you know his story but because he's a man let's all point the finger and blame him. None of you would be making this comment if it was a woman.

Absolutely disgusting.

I agree. Some really harsh comments on here.

Indeed. Being on here is certainly not the solution but it is totally clear that the equality factor goes out of the window when it's a man in this situation."

It always does. I've had a lot of experience in this area. And no I'm not going to go into why. But the attitude men get when they are being abused is shocking. From ridicule to blame.

No help. No shelters. No friendly ears to listen. And when you do seek help, it's always assumed it's something you did wrong.

Would you see a woman with a black eye and ask her what she did to upset her husband? I've seen men ask other men when they've come into work black and blue. "Should have got the handbag she wanted". The people being dismissive and pointing fingers make me incredibly angry. You people are disgusting.

I hope none of you have sons, brothers of fathers that are victims of abuse.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really hope you find the help you need OP, abuse is never ok no matter what your gender is. I'm guessing you have no one to turn to as you've opted to post here? My advice is go to a charity. There are lots out there for men use the facilities they provide and get yourself a support worker. Mankind is a good one, I really hope you get it sorted, don't suffer alone.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I really hope you find the help you need OP, abuse is never ok no matter what your gender is. I'm guessing you have no one to turn to as you've opted to post here? My advice is go to a charity. There are lots out there for men use the facilities they provide and get yourself a support worker. Mankind is a good one, I really hope you get it sorted, don't suffer alone."

Absolutely. But I'm gonna have to disagree on there being lots of help out there.

Along with mankind, if you can find one (because most of them get shut down by feminists) look online to see if you have a local mens shed. Those places are a goldmine of support for men having problems.

My local one has been up and running for a year or two I go there myself from time to time. It's just a bunch of friendly guys with power tools. You don't have to have issues either. If you're a man and you need to talk to another man these places are great. You won't be judged. They'll listen and can give you even more help. Lots of men don't have support networks, these places are good to build one.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm guessing you say you love her yet you're on here fucking about.

Exactly this! Do you know the effects that sneaky behaviour will have on your partner, probably enough to make her react to you differently. People notice these things.

If you have kids why not sit down have a conversation about what you both want and sort or amicably, surely it's not a good environment for them. You both sound unhappy.

Mrs

I want to see you say this to a woman who's is being abused.

Honestly this fucking planet. None of you know his story but because he's a man let's all point the finger and blame him. None of you would be making this comment if it was a woman.

Absolutely disgusting."

Make what comment, to sit down and discuss amicably? To note cheating behaviour can have an affect on both parties? I fail to see where that is disgusting.

Op asked for advice, advice is what's been given.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well, what a roller coaster this thread is!

OP, if you are in an abusive relationship then you need time and space to make the appropriate choice that is right for you. Until you are ready and recognise that you need to leave the relationship, its not going to happen despite what you are told/ advised. The fact you have posted on here is recognition that it is wrong and potentially very toxic. As someone else posted, staying for the kids is not helping them. Better to split and be amicable rather than together and toxic (easier said than done I know)

In terms of family court I'd say it favours men as its very Patriarchal (worryingly so sometimes) hopefully you can work something out.

My advice would be to seek as much professional advice as possible to help you make an informed decision. Good luck.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aunchy RaccoonsCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

To be honest being on here isn't doing you any favours.

You'd just be better off finishing and being honest as how would you kids see you if you were caught cheating on here? I'd guess a lot worse than if you just ended it yourself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"To be honest being on here isn't doing you any favours.

You'd just be better off finishing and being honest as how would you kids see you if you were caught cheating on here? I'd guess a lot worse than if you just ended it yourself."

How do you know he’a cheating?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

[Removed by poster at 28/02/22 09:21:00]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In terms of family court I'd say it favours men as its very Patriarchal (worryingly so sometimes) hopefully you can work something out.

Please tell me that's a joke? Please say it is.

That's absolute rubbish. You've clearly no experience of it. Why do you think groups like Fathers For Justice or Families Need Fathers exist?

Men are routinely denied access and are routinely not given custody. The family court system is almost always in favour of the woman. Only %13.5 of men get custody of thier kids in any capacity. Now tell me that's patriarchal.

One of the biggest killers of men under 35 is suicide. That's often caused by family alienation after they are refused access to thier own children.

So sorry but your take on the situation at best is very ill informed.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aunchy RaccoonsCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

"To be honest being on here isn't doing you any favours.

You'd just be better off finishing and being honest as how would you kids see you if you were caught cheating on here? I'd guess a lot worse than if you just ended it yourself.

How do you know he’a cheating?"

We've assumed that by going by what he's said and that it's a single guys profile that doesn't mention about being in a relationship.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To be honest being on here isn't doing you any favours.

You'd just be better off finishing and being honest as how would you kids see you if you were caught cheating on here? I'd guess a lot worse than if you just ended it yourself.

How do you know he’a cheating?

We've assumed that by going by what he's said and that it's a single guys profile that doesn't mention about being in a relationship.

Assumption is a very dangerous thing.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *jorkishMan
over a year ago

Seaforth

In terms of family court I'd say it favours men as its very Patriarchal (worryingly so sometimes) hopefully you can work something out.

Please tell me that's a joke? Please say it is.

That's absolute rubbish. You've clearly no experience of it. Why do you think groups like Fathers For Justice or Families Need Fathers exist?

One of the biggest killers of men under 35 is suicide. That's often caused by family alienation after they are refused access to thier own children.

So sorry but your take on the situation at best is very ill informed.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adja_lazloCouple
over a year ago

Solihull

"Maybe she’s not happy that she is home with the kids and you’re shagging about on here. Isn’t that a different form of treating someone like shit?

Sometimes such things piss partners off

If a relationship isn’t working walk away and don’t look back. You are legally entitled to see your kids"

This was our first thought

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aunchy RaccoonsCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

"To be honest being on here isn't doing you any favours.

You'd just be better off finishing and being honest as how would you kids see you if you were caught cheating on here? I'd guess a lot worse than if you just ended it yourself.

How do you know he’a cheating?

We've assumed that by going by what he's said and that it's a single guys profile that doesn't mention about being in a relationship.

Assumption is a very dangerous thing."

It's safe to say that most reading this topic would guess that he's on here without her knowing.

My point was that surely his kids would be effected more if they found out he was cheating rather than him just ending the relationship himself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In terms of family court I'd say it favours men as its very Patriarchal (worryingly so sometimes) hopefully you can work something out.

Please tell me that's a joke? Please say it is.

That's absolute rubbish. You've clearly no experience of it. Why do you think groups like Fathers For Justice or Families Need Fathers exist?

One of the biggest killers of men under 35 is suicide. That's often caused by family alienation after they are refused access to thier own children.

So sorry but your take on the situation at best is very ill informed.

As someone who works closely with DV services I'd say I'm well informed. I have witnessed female victims of abuse being annihilated in courts and children being deemed able to see abusive dads. Having worked with vulnerable people - both male and female most of my working life I'd say I'm quite educated. I appreciate everyones experience of court is different (sounds like yours is) but for myself - in a professional capacity, this is my opinion.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"To be honest being on here isn't doing you any favours.

You'd just be better off finishing and being honest as how would you kids see you if you were caught cheating on here? I'd guess a lot worse than if you just ended it yourself.

How do you know he’a cheating?

We've assumed that by going by what he's said and that it's a single guys profile that doesn't mention about being in a relationship.

Assumption is a very dangerous thing."

It is, along with assuming his side of the story is correct and factual.

All forms of abuse are abhorrent and those abused need help.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To be honest being on here isn't doing you any favours.

You'd just be better off finishing and being honest as how would you kids see you if you were caught cheating on here? I'd guess a lot worse than if you just ended it yourself.

How do you know he’a cheating?

We've assumed that by going by what he's said and that it's a single guys profile that doesn't mention about being in a relationship.

Assumption is a very dangerous thing.

It's safe to say that most reading this topic would guess that he's on here without her knowing.

My point was that surely his kids would be effected more if they found out he was cheating rather than him just ending the relationship himself."

It's not always black and white like that.

If you have no children in the relationship, sure its easy to walk away.

But most men know that leaving will jeopardise your contact with your children, possibly leave you homeless and eventually no income. Hence the high suicide rates amongst divorced men.

It's also possible that he's here because he feels he has no other choice. Mens support groups are woefully lacking and getting help is almost impossible.

Some men just like some women feel trapped and can't escape. Maybe he wants to get caught so she can get rid of him because if he's abusive he probably doesn't have the self confidence to do it himself.

While physical abuse is terrible, psychological abuse is just as bad and in some cases worse. Men often face this because women aren't usually violent. Obviously this isn't always the case. Most studies show that in a physically abusive relationship its combatative on both ends. As in they both abuse each other. Lesbian relationships have the highest rates of physical and mental abuse. Make of that what you will.

Like I say though. It's not always black and white and making assumptions is dangerous. Regardless of what you might think of him or what he's doing he's quite clearly asked for help. And what does he get? Abuse from people here too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To be honest being on here isn't doing you any favours.

You'd just be better off finishing and being honest as how would you kids see you if you were caught cheating on here? I'd guess a lot worse than if you just ended it yourself.

How do you know he’a cheating?

We've assumed that by going by what he's said and that it's a single guys profile that doesn't mention about being in a relationship.

Assumption is a very dangerous thing.

It's safe to say that most reading this topic would guess that he's on here without her knowing.

My point was that surely his kids would be effected more if they found out he was cheating rather than him just ending the relationship himself.

It's not always black and white like that.

If you have no children in the relationship, sure its easy to walk away.

But most men know that leaving will jeopardise your contact with your children, possibly leave you homeless and eventually no income. Hence the high suicide rates amongst divorced men.

It's also possible that he's here because he feels he has no other choice. Mens support groups are woefully lacking and getting help is almost impossible.

That should read "if she's abusive".

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"To be honest being on here isn't doing you any favours.

You'd just be better off finishing and being honest as how would you kids see you if you were caught cheating on here? I'd guess a lot worse than if you just ended it yourself.

How do you know he’a cheating?

We've assumed that by going by what he's said and that it's a single guys profile that doesn't mention about being in a relationship.

Assumption is a very dangerous thing.

It's safe to say that most reading this topic would guess that he's on here without her knowing.

My point was that surely his kids would be effected more if they found out he was cheating rather than him just ending the relationship himself."

Abusers are sneaky. Mine had the Internet tracked and he knew every click I made, every site I visited, every word I typed.

Imagine if it went to family court.

Her: I have proof he's been visiting adult sites trying to find women who want to be dominated sexually by him. I don't want him around my children as I don't trust him and his urges, deviance, or people he may be associating with.

Why give her ammunition?

I personally think the time and effort would be better spent finding actual help, support and safety. Only then, once out of the abusive situation and able to start afresh safely would it be sensible to head back down this road.

Abusers can twist anything, so being here will already give them a leg up.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la

Not sure Fab is really the place to seek advice on this subject. There are lots of other more relevant websites which offer support and advice on domestic abuse.

The fact you are on here looking to meet women or couples doesn't really help your case, and the green arrow doesn't really do you any favours either.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aunchy RaccoonsCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

"To be honest being on here isn't doing you any favours.

You'd just be better off finishing and being honest as how would you kids see you if you were caught cheating on here? I'd guess a lot worse than if you just ended it yourself.

How do you know he’a cheating?

We've assumed that by going by what he's said and that it's a single guys profile that doesn't mention about being in a relationship.

Assumption is a very dangerous thing.

It's safe to say that most reading this topic would guess that he's on here without her knowing.

My point was that surely his kids would be effected more if they found out he was cheating rather than him just ending the relationship himself.

It's not always black and white like that.

If you have no children in the relationship, sure its easy to walk away.

But most men know that leaving will jeopardise your contact with your children, possibly leave you homeless and eventually no income. Hence the high suicide rates amongst divorced men.

It's also possible that he's here because he feels he has no other choice. Mens support groups are woefully lacking and getting help is almost impossible.

Yes of course there could be a lot more to it than that, but we can only base what we've said from what's been said on here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

G here. I was emotionally,verbally and occationally physically abused by my ex wife for years. Couldn't leave because we had kids.

Best decision I ever made was to walk awaywhen the kids were old enough to see what was happening. Yes its been tough, yes she uses the kids to piss me off. But I'd still walk away.

My kids understand what she does and how she is. We have routine talks, not just about her behaviour but mine too. Be honest with them without being derogatory.

Short term gain for long term gain. Its more than worth it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"Not sure Fab is really the place to seek advice on this subject. There are lots of other more relevant websites which offer support and advice on domestic abuse.

The fact you are on here looking to meet women or couples doesn't really help your case, and the green arrow doesn't really do you any favours either.

First thing I did before replying. Lots of wider information, isn't there.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you’re In rented accommodation or bought you can still leave an make yourself homeless, your council will organise homeless accommodation for you til you can sort yourself out. I’d also see a lawyer if you can to split belongings. So sorry she’s doing this, might there be a reason for this? Was she abused when younger? If so maybe she needs help?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would tell everybody the same thing if they came to me and told me they were in an abusive relationship.

Join a sex site and look to fuck other people.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely. But I'm gonna have to disagree on there being lots of help out there.

Fort Alice

Mensadviceline.org

Refuge.org

There's 3 more help is there, mankind is the biggest one that's used. Resources admittedly are limited for males but this could be due to males feeling they're unable to come forward to report it crimes of abuse.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

Absolutely. But I'm gonna have to disagree on there being lots of help out there.

Fort Alice

Mensadviceline.org

Refuge.org

Crisis for men....Google it. They are good, although might just be in Scotland

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm in a resltionship right my partner says she loves me. But all she does is treats me like shit and mentally abuses me. I've been told to get out bt it's so hard to do that I need advice."

Do you think this is the place for the best advice?

At best we only have your side of the story, none of us know you or your partner nor the situation other than what you have told us.

Counselling for both of you might be a starting place if you don't want to leave.

If those close to you have advised to get out I'm not sure what other advise you're looking for here.

Also does she know you're on here looking to meet, if not and she finds out you may have your decision made for you and your own choice removed.

If this happens your reasons you give to other and to yourself for leaving will become of little consequence not only for you but for your friends and her friends.

Hopefully you can see the predicament you're placing yourself in. No need to give her unnecessary ammunition.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread