FabSwingers.com forum: Rebuilding bridges

By *BootyfulDay OP Woman
over a year ago

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Bit of a weird one, everyone talks about not burning bridges but what happens if you want to mend bridges? I'm having a bit of an over think so this may end up being a ramble of what's in my head hehe I think the thread from Hippychick about being self aware has gotten me thinking a bit!

One of my main hobbys is in a studio where I also freelanced some work for them too. this last year though I'll be honest I have completely let them down. I know I'm quite harsh with myself, you are you're biggest critic after all, but I know I have created a lot more work and stress on the team there. Partly I was over worked at my other job and partly I have been in a negative head space and was struggling to deal with normal life things. My response to the stress of letting that team was me burying my head in the sand and over thinking/stressing and avoiding it.

I really want to mend those bridges as I know they don't actually hate me as much as I think they should but it's been so many months that I feel so awkward putting myself out there. I have sent flowers to the 3 people most affected but I guess that is the easier option than actually facing the music, you know?

I really want to get back to the studio as it's been a huge part of my life and I wanna get back to training something I'm passionate about and love doing. Plus I'm getting mega FOMO and actually do love doing the work I did for them.

I know I need to just rip the bandaid off but urgh, I'm just procrastinating it! Have you ever had to swallow your pride and rebuild bridges?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Christ Booty, just tell them you're wanting to get back on board they'll be happy to have you!! It's amazing how easy it is to make amends when you think it's past that point. They probably want you back but don't want to ask. Go on, you'll be fine!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hugs no bridges is truely burned off you meaned something to them

The only bridges that are really burned ment you didn’t mean a thing to them

So op you could try and see if it can be fixed if not then you will know you ment nothing to them

I know my self there’s one bridge I would allow to be built back if that person ever wanted to as they meant the world to me at some point

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Yes, I have done once previously when I realised my pride wasn't as important as the pleasure I get from their company. Just do it OP, say fuck it (not to them), say something similar to your OP to them and I'm sure they'll be happy to have you back - I can't imagine you burnt the bridge to a cinder so you can always mend it.

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By *BootyfulDay OP Woman
over a year ago

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"Christ Booty, just tell them you're wanting to get back on board they'll be happy to have you!! It's amazing how easy it is to make amends when you think it's past that point. They probably want you back but don't want to ask. Go on, you'll be fine!!!

Hehe I feel like I'm being told off by you

I know that I should just own it, apologise and prove myself again but maybe I just over think everything

thank you for giving me a kick on my booty

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By *BootyfulDay OP Woman
over a year ago

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"Hugs no bridges is truely burned off you meaned something to them

The only bridges that are really burned ment you didn’t mean a thing to them

So op you could try and see if it can be fixed if not then you will know you ment nothing to them

I know my self there’s one bridge I would allow to be built back if that person ever wanted to as they meant the world to me at some point "

that's quite an interesting view point, especially that last paragraph! I wonder if they are similar in worrying about approaching you to rebuilding that bridge. thank you for your response

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Maybe arrange a meeting with them over a coffee. Face to face is always best I think.

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By *BootyfulDay OP Woman
over a year ago

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"Yes, I have done once previously when I realised my pride wasn't as important as the pleasure I get from their company. Just do it OP, say fuck it (not to them), say something similar to your OP to them and I'm sure they'll be happy to have you back - I can't imagine you burnt the bridge to a cinder so you can always mend it."

Swallowing your pride seems so hard sometimes hehe I think Meli I need to do that though and just get my life back on track

When you did it, did things go back to where they were before?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hehe I feel like I'm being told off by you

I know that I should just own it, apologise and prove myself again but maybe I just over think everything

thank you for giving me a kick on my booty

Haha, I never envisioned myself kicking your booty

glad to be of assistance

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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago

A world all of his own

I can only speak for myself, of course, but a genuine, heart felt and sincere apology goes an awful long way.

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By *inx.x3Woman
over a year ago

Bath

Did the people you sent flowers to react positively when receiving them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hugs no bridges is truely burned off you meaned something to them

The only bridges that are really burned ment you didn’t mean a thing to them

So op you could try and see if it can be fixed if not then you will know you ment nothing to them

I know my self there’s one bridge I would allow to be built back if that person ever wanted to as they meant the world to me at some point

that's quite an interesting view point, especially that last paragraph! I wonder if they are similar in worrying about approaching you to rebuilding that bridge. thank you for your response

Your welcome and maybe they are maybe they the same as me scared to reach out and find if it ment anything or if it’s truely burned maybe one day we find out and again your welcome x

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

" Swallowing your pride seems so hard sometimes hehe I think Meli I need to do that though and just get my life back on track

When you did it, did things go back to where they were before? "

Get your life back on track OP, you deserve to have happiness in the studio again. Plus if you don't try you'll never know what they'll say to you.

Things did go back to normal after a couple of months, there was a bit of awkwardness at first but now it seems stronger than it was. In a weird way we both value each other more because we've been through it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once the bridge is burnt I never return

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By *BootyfulDay OP Woman
over a year ago

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"Maybe arrange a meeting with them over a coffee. Face to face is always best I think."

After making this post I did message the main director who is at home this week and suggested I come over for a coffee though now she has covid, doh! I have free time tomorrow morning though so I may swing past even just to drop a coffee off at her door and some goodies for her kids

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By *BootyfulDay OP Woman
over a year ago

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Hehe I feel like I'm being told off by you

I know that I should just own it, apologise and prove myself again but maybe I just over think everything

thank you for giving me a kick on my booty

Haha, I never envisioned myself kicking your booty

glad to be of assistance

Hehe if you try it for real I may have a different reaction

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By *BootyfulDay OP Woman
over a year ago

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"Did the people you sent flowers to react positively when receiving them?

they did appreciate it yes so that's a start! I'm working on getting my hours at my main job down so that I can hopefully get a bit more balance and that will help myself and also the studio more

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

I’ve never had to build bridges as I’m a stubborn soul and never go back, to my detriment sometimes I know.

You though should embrace it and get back to what you love doing. The last two years have been tough, so I’m sure they’ll understand and be accepting.

Good luck with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would prefer a rebuild im not good at falling out with people on purpose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never fully burned bridges as I've always felt you never know when you could need that person for help and it genuinely sounds like you didn't burn your bridge as there was nothing intentional or malicious in your act and you tried to make amends by sending flowers. If they don't hold any grudges then there's no harm in reaching out as people are more accepting than we sometimes think.

I can also get very easily irritable and stubborn so if I burned bridges, I'd have no one to speak to

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Be very honest and realistic about what you can commit to, things tend to repeat. Always under promise and over deliver, not vice versa.

I know when suppliers, particularly sole traders go AWOL and let me down , they occasionally come back apologising and recommit, usually when they are skint, invariably they do the same again at some point, it’s in their character usually, professionals tend to keep to their commitments even when facing personal issues, they can separate the two, You learn to expect the worse and look for alternatives, no one wants to be reliant on flaky staff or suppliers.

If you do get a second chance don’t mess it up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I actually think covid has made it easier to build bridges.. People are much more forgiving

What i would say is bite the bullet and do it, if it is important to you

I've tried to build bridges twice.. Once successfully.. The other time it just wasn't meant to be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I actually think covid has made it easier to build bridges.. People are much more forgiving

What i would say is bite the bullet and do it, if it is important to you

I've tried to build bridges twice.. Once successfully.. The other time it just wasn't meant to be "
i found the opposite to be true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I actually think covid has made it easier to build bridges.. People are much more forgiving

What i would say is bite the bullet and do it, if it is important to you

I've tried to build bridges twice.. Once successfully.. The other time it just wasn't meant to be i found the opposite to be true"

Really! I think you can just drop the whole 'my head space was fucked by covid' and people welcome you with open arms

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