FabSwingers.com forum: Is it possible to be "too nice"?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've had this said to me a few times, by close friends too, and I wondered what everyone here thinks about the assertion that a person can be "too nice".

I think my people pleaser side has definitely meant that I've sidelined myself or allowed certain behaviours (in others) to go unchecked.

Also, is it possible to be "too nice" when messaging on here? This is based on recent feedback from a friend who's on here... They said it might help to be a bit more explicit, but i pride myself on being articulate and friendly, rather than overtly sexual. Guess it depends on who you're messaging.

Anyway, all thoughts and contributions welcome and appreciated!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it definitely is possible, I get this comment all the time.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can come across as confident and knowing what you want without being explicit though.

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By *immyGGMan
over a year ago

South Cheshire

"I've had this said to me a few times, by close friends too, and I wondered what everyone here thinks about the assertion that a person can be "too nice".

I think my people pleaser side has definitely meant that I've sidelined myself or allowed certain behaviours (in others) to go unchecked.

Anyway, all thoughts and contributions welcome and appreciated!

I was wondering that very thing this morning myself. However, I'd rather stick to my method of thought out and polite messages than anything else as I would see that as changing who I am if i did it differently.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a subjective opinion. Others may think you are being too nice because in your situation they would feel unhappy behaving the way you do. That doesn't mean they are right and you are wrong. If you're not happy with the responses you're getting to your behaviour then maybe you are being too nice for you. If you are happy then it doesn't matter what others think.

In the opposite situation it's different, others can see you hurting those around you and can give you an honest opinion. If you're being "too nice" in the opinion of others the only person at risk of being hurt is yourself - and only you know if this is happening.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve had it said to me before. In truth, it sucks to hear it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think so for some, if I thought someone was being too nice I’d think there was trouble afoot

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Spose so! But then I'd rather b that than the opposite x

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Does it not depend on what you want to attract to you, or have around you though as well? ...be it friends, lovers, playmates etc.

Either like attracts like or you'll be programmed to want to attract your opposite ...

(Oh heck, now I'm confused

)

There's some sense I'm there somewhere- honest!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nicest guy in the world - every breakup ever. Yeah, you can be too ‘nice’, nice is an awful word in such contexts, any phrase that uses it is negative to some extent

Nice guys finish last

No more me nice guy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was told this a few days ago by a woman I had never met before until we had a work related dinner that night. She said "you're too nice for me. You treat a woman very well.....but you're too nice for me. I like my man to be a little cheeky and rough." Something like that. It was a surprise because I was not at all interested in her and wouldn't have been cheeky even if it had been a date.

Only the object of my desire would see my cheeky and naughty side and my very close friends would sense it in me. Otherwise, I'm more bland than tofu!

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

No ones ever said it to me

I think people pleasing can come from a place of insecurity and needyness , but then so can arrogance , both are red flags

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

"Nicest guy in the world - every breakup ever. Yeah, you can be too ‘nice’, nice is an awful word in such contexts, any phrase that uses it is negative to some extent

Nice guys finish last

No more me nice guy "

Nice has its origin in stupid or ignorant

I’m overly agreeable, but I am getting old, being “nice” has left me alone in this life, but I accept it with grace, I’ve tried to be the opposite and it just wasn’t me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's nice where you let people walk all over you. Too nice to get down and dirty when needed!! That's not attractive.

There's cocky and arrogant and general twatishness behavior treating you like a piece of meat. Also not attractive.

Then there's guys who are confident/self -assured and are also generally decent guys and are nice. But can be freaking filthy when needed. That's attractive!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's nice where you let people walk all over you. Too nice to get down and dirty when needed!! That's not attractive.

There's cocky and arrogant and general twatishness behavior treating you like a piece of meat. Also not attractive.

Then there's guys who are confident/self -assured and are also generally decent guys and are nice. But can be freaking filthy when needed. That's attractive!!"

Was trying to work out how to word it, but you’ve said it perfectly!

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Being too nice comes in a few forms. 2 I can tho know now

1. Being a people pleaser / push over. Just being nice because you aren’t confident to say what you want/need.

2. Being nice because you think being nice entities you to something. Seen often on here. “I was nice and polite in my message so you owe me a reply!”. Thinking that nice buys you stuff instead of being nice because your a good person

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

[Removed by poster at 23/02/22 13:22:10]

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

There’s also another kind of too nice. Such sweet adorable women that literally melt your heart in thier presence and you think there’s no way I can start something with you and ruin all that’s nice and innocent , you deserve someone far far better than me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I think so I message politely and do put nothing sexual, and either gets deleted or no response so I gave up now I just wait if someone views my profile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nice guys finish last because they let their woman cum first

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It isn't possible to be too nice. It is possible to be too self effacing, too eager to please and a general push over. People will take advantage of that. You also end up pleasing very few people because it just isn't possible to please everyone.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Nice guys finish last because they let their woman cum first

Nice guys ask a woman if she "wants" to cum first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m always accused of being too nice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I class my self as a nice guy and it's never hindered or done me any harm at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m always accused of being too nice."

You were my first thought

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too much of nice guy then

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Is there such a thing as a "nice woman"?

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

I just try to be a fundamentally decent type of human being. It does mean that I've never had a fraction of the number of sexual encounters that I know my brother has, but he is an utter bastard who cares about no one and has left a trail of damaged women throughout his whole life.

I know that I'm not any sort of saint, I've made bad decisions at times, and inadvertently hurt people who I care about. But at least I try not to take advantage of others, and if a consequence is that my sex life sucks then I'd rather that than be a crap type of human being.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Almost 40 years ago I was dumped by my first girlfriend at midnight on New year's Eve for being "too nice".

In the years since I've gone through periods of being comfortable with the tag and other times despising it.

In regards to on here there is a fine line between being too nice and being sychophantic.

Often the term is aimed at someone who doesn't have an opinion of their own but constantly echoes everyone else's.

It is also perceived, rightly at times, to be a good way of covering true intentions and often sends up red flags.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

There is no such thing as too nice,but there are definitely some who won't ever voice their true opinion in case it upsets others,or who will agree with the majority even tho it goes completely against what they have said before. That to me is what the phrase too nice means and it's not an attractive trait.

I prefer people who are true to themselves and who won't treat others with kid gloves and will voice their opinions without the need to be demeaning to others.

You can still be nice just don't be a walk over and a people pleaser which ends up being detrimental to yourself.

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By *eadinthecloudsMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Yes.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I think the "too nice" statement means one can come across as a bit fake. Just be yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a power behind learning to say No. It is a hard one to learn if you are a people pleaser. Nothing wrong with being nice, but be nice to yourself first.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

You can still be nice just don't be a walk over and a people pleaser which ends up being detrimental to yourself."

This 10000000000%

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

'Too nice' usually means 'too timid', or 'too boring', unfortunately.

It's all relative though. Plenty of people don't need their partners to be the loudest ones in the room.

Dating is a lot better when you recognise the kind of people you gel with and focus on them.

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"There is a power behind learning to say No. It is a hard one to learn if you are a people pleaser. Nothing wrong with being nice, but be nice to yourself first. "

Jo.Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I definitely think there are negative connotations if somebody is deemed too nice. I remember years ago watching Big Brother and the person that won was really lovely and really nice but lots of people said they didn't trust her because she was too nice and I've never quite understood that.

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By *omer47Man
over a year ago

leigh

In a word...yes. some people take advantage/the piss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, not at all. It can help bring out the best in other people around you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From experience - being too nice people don’t respect you… I’ve grown to dress it by not being so nice - but being nice underneath the facade.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. Now fuxx off. Please.

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By *il sub princessWoman
over a year ago

West Midlands

Too nice will never get into my knickers

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By *he_Last_TitanMan
over a year ago

Bristol

Best thing is just to be you; everyone else is taken.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm too nice,but thats me.

I couldn't be false so not changing how i am just in the hope it's what they want.

Always be real than fake.

Stay true to yourself.

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By *erfectman122Man
over a year ago

from somewhere nice

Yes I think it’s possible to be to nice to the point you get taken advantage for

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By *oubleswing2019Man
over a year ago

Colchester

"and I wondered what everyone here thinks about the assertion that a person can be "too nice"."

I wouldn't fret about it.

Be nice. Extremely nice. And if being nice also means being kind, and polite, and empathic and tolerant, be those too.

Be the person that others say, "You know what, I cannot think of a bad thing to say about them. In fact, quite the reverse".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get this a lot. "You're such a people pleaser" or "You're too nice"

That might be so, but I'll never change, that's me and how I want to express myself to others. Yes, I've been taken advantage of in the past and been used, but you know what? I'll never change who I am fundamentally and no one should make you feel bad for being "too nice"

Sod them, be yourself x

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By *jayjMan
over a year ago

Farringdon, Central London

"I get this a lot. "You're such a people pleaser" or "You're too nice"

Sod them, be yourself x "

This.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Yes if it means you're getting troden on, allowing yourself to get taken for a fool, or doing it because you think it will get you somewhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes if it means you're getting troden on, allowing yourself to get taken for a fool, or doing it because you think it will get you somewhere. "

Slightly different to wanting to be a nice person because that's who you are.

You made it sound like they are doing it in order to gain something.

I just enjoy being nice, couldn't be any other way

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"Yes if it means you're getting troden on, allowing yourself to get taken for a fool, or doing it because you think it will get you somewhere.

Slightly different to wanting to be a nice person because that's who you are.

You made it sound like they are doing it in order to gain something.

I just enjoy being nice, couldn't be any other way "

Yeah the last one was alluding to that. I don't mean it in a manipulate way though. That they're just maybe a bit naive, "if I do this for this woman, maybe she'll finally like me", after two years of her going out with other guys kind while they've done everything for this woman kind of thing.

There is nice. Which sounds like you.

Then there is too nice. Which can be a negative. In my humble opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes if it means you're getting troden on, allowing yourself to get taken for a fool, or doing it because you think it will get you somewhere.

Slightly different to wanting to be a nice person because that's who you are.

You made it sound like they are doing it in order to gain something.

I just enjoy being nice, couldn't be any other way

There is nice. Which sounds like you.

Then there is too nice. Which can be a negative. In my humble opinion. "

Can you be too nice? Yin and yang. If we were all too nice, there would be too much niceness (is that even a word!

) and if everyone was very nasty it would be a terrible place.

You need all sorts in the world and I'm glad if I spread a little happiness or 'niceness'

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

That's my point. Nice is nice. Too nice is not nice.

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By *oubleswing2019Man
over a year ago

Colchester

I'd suggest Benton Fraser from Due South is a good place to start / aspire to

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By *rReyMan
over a year ago

Fleet

I think it is, nobody wants an out and out pillock to message them. But, the flanter levels vary. Some people go hard-core. Some people are a bit more gently, gently, catchy monkey. If you do the latter for the first group then it will be too nice and goodbye.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get this a lot. "You're such a people pleaser" or "You're too nice"

Sod them, be yourself x "

Definitely agree with this

sometimes it’s necessary to be cynical but not too much…the world needs more nice

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I like nice.

Nice for no other reason than that’s the person you are.

I’m fed up of people who are just out for themselves and don’t consider others.

Nice is the way forward.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I like nice.

Nice for no other reason than that’s the person you are.

I’m fed up of people who are just out for themselves and don’t consider others.

Nice is the way forward.

Just not too nice!

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Depends really. On whether it’s sincere niceness or just niceness for the sake of getting a shag.

I like a man to look like he would climb a tree to rescue a kitten but who would also take a spoon to you at the Toby Carvery if you took the last Yorkshire Pud.

It’s a fine line to walk.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's certainly an interesting question OP, I've been told many a time that I can be too nice or over nice, on here and in real life. I tend to just shrug it off, as I know that yes I am a "nice" person, but that doesn't make me a push over.

I understand what you mean about allowing behaviours go unchecked, but for me it's more giving others benefit of doubt.

I can certainly be rather explicit when I want to be, haven't had great response on here from that at times, but thus is Fab at times I guess. Just keep being you OP

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Depends really. On whether it’s sincere niceness or just niceness for the sake of getting a shag.

I like a man to look like he would climb a tree to rescue a kitten but who would also take a spoon to you at the Toby Carvery if you took the last Yorkshire Pud.

It’s a fine line to walk."

What if YOU took the last Yorkshire pud?

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

"Depends really. On whether it’s sincere niceness or just niceness for the sake of getting a shag.

I like a man to look like he would climb a tree to rescue a kitten but who would also take a spoon to you at the Toby Carvery if you took the last Yorkshire Pud.

It’s a fine line to walk.

What if YOU took the last Yorkshire pud? "

Then I’d be forced to get my special cutlery set out. I have a special set of skills.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Yes. I am so nice I keep licking myself.

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

I too have experienced the comment of "you sound like a nice guy!"

As my style of approach to potential matching profiles, is generally to be open, honest and polite, I often receive positive responses along the lines of "it makes a change to view a well constructed message and profile".

That's even if people admit I'm not for them, at least I've had a reply.

But I wouldn't change my style. I cannot be something I'm not, nor could I act it out accurately. Nor am I going to reduce myself to the level of some guys who deliver crass and immature formats & approach messages.

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