FabSwingers.com forum: If anything, be kind

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Nobody truly knows anybody on here and their life. I'm all for banter , however what one person sees as banter someone else may see as intimidating. What I'm saying is.... Just be kind to one another. We all have different opinions, views etc, but just understand empathy and respect. That's all. Make of this what you wish.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Love this! And agree x

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By *rReyMan
over a year ago

Fleet

Good shout OP being kind should be a human default condition.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'd say be kinder, think before you speak but sometimes the people in the most need of kindness are the ones lashing out. Also sometimes you simply cannot be kind, its either dangerous for you or not useful to the person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always try to be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd say be kinder, think before you speak but sometimes the people in the most need of kindness are the ones lashing out. Also sometimes you simply cannot be kind, its either dangerous for you or not useful to the person "

I agree with this.

Also what does be kind mean? What I mean by that is For some people being unkind means someone disagreeing with them, for some being kind is being blunt and honest and that isn't always appreciated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nobody truly knows anybody on here and their life. I'm all for banter , however what one person sees as banter someone else may see as intimidating. What I'm saying is.... Just be kind to one another. We all have different opinions, views etc, but just understand empathy and respect. That's all. Make of this what you wish.

Carlos thinks this is great advice Grasshopper.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Nope

I'll be honest and act within my own thought processes for each individual situation.

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By *jayjMan
over a year ago

Farringdon, Central London

?? agree. I’ve seen far too many people’s status highlighting the recent abuse they’ve received. I’m sure 100% is unwarranted.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

[Removed by poster at 23/02/22 00:49:30]

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Best say nothing then, there will always be someone who doesn’t like what you say

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By *unnyman84Man
over a year ago

maidstone

"Best say nothing then, there will always be someone who doesn’t like what you say "

Agreed

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Interesting to see how different people's perspective are on this. Have a great Wednesday

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

There is a big difference between not liking what people say or agreeing/disagreeing ! To being downright unkind! Imo! Happens alot in here! Seen it to others and been on the receiving end of it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just had a guy give me crap because i didn't answer his message quick enough..

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I'm all for people being understanding but only when there is actually something to be understood.

A large percentage of abuse on this site is often the result of players using the victim card.

I've seen too many people being deliberately abusive in private in order to trigger a response from the other person and it's that reaction that is then made public.

Disagreement on the forums is often stage two.

For that reason I don't throw out an empathy blanket or jump in to tell people they dodged a bullet because unfortunately they have often loaded that bullet themselves and passed it to someone.

Either that or they kick open the saloon door and come in shooting and are surprised that some people have the nerve to shoot back.

So just as others have said before about not taking what anonymous people on the internet say too seriously, I apply that across the board to include the anonymous accusers as well.

It may sound cynical but it hasn't failed me yet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m often complimented on my empathy and kindness, and told that I am understanding of others feelings and say the most upbeat and heart warming things.

There’s no greater feeling than being kind to strangers and helping people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope you are ok.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"I'm all for people being understanding but only when there is actually something to be understood.

A large percentage of abuse on this site is often the result of players using the victim card.

I've seen too many people being deliberately abusive in private in order to trigger a response from the other person and it's that reaction that is then made public.

Disagreement on the forums is often stage two.

For that reason I don't throw out an empathy blanket or jump in to tell people they dodged a bullet because unfortunately they have often loaded that bullet themselves and passed it to someone.

Either that or they kick open the saloon door and come in shooting and are surprised that some people have the nerve to shoot back.

So just as others have said before about not taking what anonymous people on the internet say too seriously, I apply that across the board to include the anonymous accusers as well.

It may sound cynical but it hasn't failed me yet "

This is absolutely true! I could not have worded it better myself

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

[Removed by poster at 23/02/22 09:22:52]

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

I’m always suspicious of any be kind messages because in my experience the ones that preach don’t often act

“He kind” unless they disagree with any of your views.

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I have no interest in conflict on here. There is enough of that out there. You can always tell the ones that 'light the fire' on a thread and just sit and watch it all unravell. You can also tell the ones who thrive on friction (not healthy debate and opinion which most people would welcome). I no longer contribute to any of their threads or posts as I am not here to feed their hunger for conflict.

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By *aptain Caveman41Man
over a year ago

Home

"
totally agree with you lad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Clearly I am more cynical than I thought. I see "be kind" as an empty and meaningless trope. And it's a bit virtue-signalling tbh. I haven't seen Be Kind actually change anyone's behaviour in all the years it's been touted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m always suspicious of any be kind messages because in my experience the ones that preach don’t often act

“He kind” unless they disagree with any of your views. "

This

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

"Clearly I am more cynical than I thought. I see "be kind" as an empty and meaningless trope. And it's a bit virtue-signalling tbh. I haven't seen Be Kind actually change anyone's behaviour in all the years it's been touted. "

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

How do you measure kindness? It doesn't always look as you think. But I do adhere to be polite, I don't have to agree with someone but I can always be polite. Which to me always includes a reason why I disagree, which to me shows a bit of respect to others opinions.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think kindness has been devalued as a word and as an action along with niceness

It doesn't mean be kind to people who are trying to mug you for your wallet. It means to me putting your hand out to a fellow human being if you see they're in distress.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

This

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I prefer “be polite”

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I prefer “be polite” "

I prefer don't be an arse

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I prefer “be polite”

I prefer don't be an arse

Haha and that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I prefer “be polite” "

Can you be polite to a big angry raging penis in front of your face?

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I prefer “be polite”

Can you be polite to a big angry raging penis in front of your face?

Is that an offer?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not referring to you op, but the people that shout #bekind are usually the ones who really aren’t.

I’m kind, and will always try to be, but for me that doesn’t mean agreeing/not standing up for others.

You can disagree, but still see and respect someone else’s opinion. You can debate without being an arse.

We also need to be kind to ourselves.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Unfortunately some people don't know the meaning. Due to certain individuals, I don't use the site half as much as I did as they just come across as nasty x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately some people don't know the meaning. Due to certain individuals, I don't use the site half as much as I did as they just come across as nasty x"

I’m trying to do better.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As I said make it what you wish, everyone will have different stance on this based on their own experience. For me, I believe showing kindness links in to being poilet, yet you can still stay true to yourself and your values etc.

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Unfortunately some people don't know the meaning. Due to certain individuals, I don't use the site half as much as I did as they just come across as nasty x"

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Not referring to you op, but the people that shout #bekind are usually the ones who really aren’t.

I’m kind, and will always try to be, but for me that doesn’t mean agreeing/not standing up for others.

You can disagree, but still see and respect someone else’s opinion. You can debate without being an arse.

We also need to be kind to ourselves."

Very much so.

In some ways, also being blunt and direct is kinder than avoiding hurting somebody else's feelings. It may seem contradictory but it's true.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Not referring to you op, but the people that shout #bekind are usually the ones who really aren’t.

I’m kind, and will always try to be, but for me that doesn’t mean agreeing/not standing up for others.

You can disagree, but still see and respect someone else’s opinion. You can debate without being an arse.

We also need to be kind to ourselves.

Very much so.

In some ways, also being blunt and direct is kinder than avoiding hurting somebody else's feelings. It may seem contradictory but it's true."

I think direct speaking in appropriate situations is very important. That doesn't mean it can't be tempered with kindness.

I have had to have a lot of very difficult conversations with doctors this last week concerning my mother. By far the easiest were the ones in which the doctor spoke plainly in easy to understand words with no euphemisms. That was far kinder because I knew precisely what the situation was

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

I like the saying. 'Treat people as good as you are, not as bad as they treat you!'

Kindness definitely starts with ourselves first.

Jo.Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately some people don't know the meaning. Due to certain individuals, I don't use the site half as much as I did as they just come across as nasty x

I’m trying to do better. "

Yeah you definitely are controversial lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not referring to you op, but the people that shout #bekind are usually the ones who really aren’t.

I’m kind, and will always try to be, but for me that doesn’t mean agreeing/not standing up for others.

You can disagree, but still see and respect someone else’s opinion. You can debate without being an arse.

We also need to be kind to ourselves.

Very much so.

In some ways, also being blunt and direct is kinder than avoiding hurting somebody else's feelings. It may seem contradictory but it's true.

I think direct speaking in appropriate situations is very important. That doesn't mean it can't be tempered with kindness.

Agree. You can be honest and direct, but still be kind.

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By *ighty_tightyMan
over a year ago

Norfolk/Suffolk

"Best say nothing then, there will always be someone who doesn’t like what you say

Agreed"

I don't agree

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Not referring to you op, but the people that shout #bekind are usually the ones who really aren’t.

I’m kind, and will always try to be, but for me that doesn’t mean agreeing/not standing up for others.

You can disagree, but still see and respect someone else’s opinion. You can debate without being an arse.

We also need to be kind to ourselves.

Very much so.

In some ways, also being blunt and direct is kinder than avoiding hurting somebody else's feelings. It may seem contradictory but it's true.

I think direct speaking in appropriate situations is very important. That doesn't mean it can't be tempered with kindness.

As I always say, often (not always) it is far more critical to how kind something is because of the way it is said. The context and wording goes a long way.

Be kind needs to fuck off, keep fucking, then fuck off some more. Fuck off until it comes up to a gate with a sign saying “You Can't Fuck Off Past Here". Climb over the gate, dream the impossible dream, and keep fucking off forever.

To be replaced with "Be honest but also be respectful"

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Not referring to you op, but the people that shout #bekind are usually the ones who really aren’t.

I’m kind, and will always try to be, but for me that doesn’t mean agreeing/not standing up for others.

You can disagree, but still see and respect someone else’s opinion. You can debate without being an arse.

We also need to be kind to ourselves.

Very much so.

In some ways, also being blunt and direct is kinder than avoiding hurting somebody else's feelings. It may seem contradictory but it's true.

I think direct speaking in appropriate situations is very important. That doesn't mean it can't be tempered with kindness.

As I always say, often (not always) it is far more critical to how kind something is because of the way it is said. The context and wording goes a long way.

To be replaced with "Be honest but also be respectful""

. Couldn’t agree more

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"Best say nothing then, there will always be someone who doesn’t like what you say "

The reader can often infer tone and intent that the writer never intended. Just because they don’t like what you say, doesn’t always mean they understood what was said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not referring to you op, but the people that shout #bekind are usually the ones who really aren’t.

I’m kind, and will always try to be, but for me that doesn’t mean agreeing/not standing up for others.

You can disagree, but still see and respect someone else’s opinion. You can debate without being an arse.

We also need to be kind to ourselves.

Very much so.

In some ways, also being blunt and direct is kinder than avoiding hurting somebody else's feelings. It may seem contradictory but it's true.

I think direct speaking in appropriate situations is very important. That doesn't mean it can't be tempered with kindness.

As I always say, often (not always) it is far more critical to how kind something is because of the way it is said. The context and wording goes a long way.

To be replaced with "Be honest but also be respectful""

Perfect! Love this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be replaced with "Be honest but also be respectful""

Kind is the outcome, not the method - excellent post

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

To be replaced with "Be honest but also be respectful"

Kind is the outcome, not the method - excellent post"

Absolutely

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I always disagree with the old trope of saying nothing at all if you haven't got anything nice to say.

If we all adopted that approach nothing would ever be challenged and sometimes even nice people and nice comments have to be challenged especially if they are disingenuous or sychophantic.

Nice and kind are often tools used by tools to deflect and a broadbrush be kind mantra is all part of the sleight of hand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Best say nothing then, there will always be someone who doesn’t like what you say

The reader can often infer tone and intent that the writer never intended. Just because they don’t like what you say, doesn’t always mean they understood what was said."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oooh. Yes. I had a forum post. It got closed cause two people were at it by the look of it.

Everyone is different X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Interesting people's interpretation of these posts. Says a lot about each of you

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Best say nothing then, there will always be someone who doesn’t like what you say

The reader can often infer tone and intent that the writer never intended. Just because they don’t like what you say, doesn’t always mean they understood what was said."

Oh so true !

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

There is a lot of nastiness on here at the moment. Lots of status updates about bad behaviour.

Just be nice to people.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Best say nothing then, there will always be someone who doesn’t like what you say

The reader can often infer tone and intent that the writer never intended. Just because they don’t like what you say, doesn’t always mean they understood what was said."

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I try to think beyond the immediate, how can I help create a better outcome? Sometimes that will require diplomacy, niceness, or silence. Sometimes that will require erecting boundaries, being firm, pushing back.

"Be kind" is a nice enough sentiment, but it's been weaponised like everything else. I won't be a doormat, which it might imply, nor do I much care about silly slogans one might attach based on one's political proclivities.

I judge myself, no one else gets a look in, and I work towards better as I perceive it.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

The #bekind message falls on deaf ears though if you dare express an opinion on here...comments made are often misconstrued and then the poster is berated for daring to disagree x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The #bekind message falls on deaf ears though if you dare express an opinion on here...comments made are often misconstrued and then the poster is berated for daring to disagree x"

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

"Interesting people's interpretation of these posts. Says a lot about each of you

It really does! Good in that respect! Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there’s being kind in terms of how you treat someone and then how you react to thinks derivative of them like an opinion. They overlap but are distinctly different. I won’t be nice to someone if I disagree with them on something important for instance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*things

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

"Interesting people's interpretation of these posts. Says a lot about each of you

What my comments say about me OP is that I spent 49 years putting others first, prioitising their needs, demands and expectations while showing empathy and kindness.

Very little of that was reciprocated and it was draining having others use my kind nature against me. It broke me.

Therefore life experience has taught me to question more but also to say no.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I agree. Being able to say no is looking after yourself. Very important

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/02/22 10:49:33]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I looked at a cpls profile yesterday and from what I can gather a chap had upset them in someway but they had named and shamed him plus called him a gay idiot even though he was straight on his profile,what would you do if you had seen that comment ?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I looked at a cpls profile yesterday and from what I can gather a chap had upset them in someway but they had named and shamed him plus called him a gay idiot even though he was straight on his profile,what would you do if you had seen that comment ?"

Reported it to admin so they could take action. Abusing and making other members in your status is not allowed.

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Having an opinion or disagreeing with someone or having a good old fashioned healthy debate is not the same as being abusive or intentionally seeking conflict as some do. Yes sometimes a comment can be misinterpreted after a while most of us know who the trouble makers and the 'it's my way or the highway' ones are who incidently would probably not do that in real life but can let the bravado override any sense on here. Just my opinion from observing from afar.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reported it to admin so they could take action. Abusing and making other members in your status is not allowed."
to be honest i did but not sure what happened as there comment is still up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't disagree with "be kind", but I do find on some occasions that it's used to replace "don't criticise me" for something that perhaps should be criticised.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can't disagree with "be kind", but I do find on some occasions that it's used to replace "don't criticise me" for something that perhaps should be criticised."

Definitely this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I saw someone disagreeing with others in a completely respectful way on another platform the other day, then someone wrote "be kind" I commented and said what do you mean their not being unkind, The response was yes they are because they are arguing with me, Then came the comment of "if you're got nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. I think ultimately a lot of people don't understand what being kind actually means, And I'm increasingly seeing it being used to shut people down.

Another thing you often see on here is "people need to be more inclusive", "People need to reply to my messages", "People need to stop ignoring me". Actually no none of us need to do anything for anybody else and actually that doesn't make us unkind.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

"Interesting people's interpretation of these posts. Says a lot about each of you

This comment is a prime example of passive aggressive comment tho OP,and surely it goes against what you said in your opening post.

This is why I don't believe in the whole be nice theory on here because people are usually only nice when it suits them and if anyone disagrees at all then the facade slip.

People will always disagree and argue on here no matter what anyone says nothing will change that .All anyone can do is control how they react to it all.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Interesting people's interpretation of these posts. Says a lot about each of you

This comment is a prime example of passive aggressive comment tho OP,and surely it goes against what you said in your opening post.

This is why I don't believe in the whole be nice theory on here because people are usually only nice when it suits them and if anyone disagrees at all then the facade slip.

People will always disagree and argue on here no matter what anyone says nothing will change that .All anyone can do is control how they react to it all. "

I just ignore them, can't be doing with the drama they create.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting people's interpretation of these posts. Says a lot about each of you

This comment is a prime example of passive aggressive comment tho OP,and surely it goes against what you said in your opening post.

This is why I don't believe in the whole be nice theory on here because people are usually only nice when it suits them and if anyone disagrees at all then the facade slip.

People will always disagree and argue on here no matter what anyone says nothing will change that .All anyone can do is control how they react to it all.

I just ignore them, can't be doing with the drama they create."

That's the whole point though it only creates drama if you allow it to.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Interesting people's interpretation of these posts. Says a lot about each of you

This comment is a prime example of passive aggressive comment tho OP,and surely it goes against what you said in your opening post.

This is why I don't believe in the whole be nice theory on here because people are usually only nice when it suits them and if anyone disagrees at all then the facade slip.

People will always disagree and argue on here no matter what anyone says nothing will change that .All anyone can do is control how they react to it all. "

Don’t confuse being nice with being kind. Being nice is the enemy of free speech but no one needs to make cruel personal comments or pile in when someone is being attacked, that’s unkind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I saw someone disagreeing with others in a completely respectful way on another platform the other day, then someone wrote "be kind" I commented and said what do you mean their not being unkind, The response was yes they are because they are arguing with me, Then came the comment of "if you're got nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. I think ultimately a lot of people don't understand what being kind actually means, And I'm increasingly seeing it being used to shut people down.

... "

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

"Interesting people's interpretation of these posts. Says a lot about each of you

This comment is a prime example of passive aggressive comment tho OP,and surely it goes against what you said in your opening post.

This is why I don't believe in the whole be nice theory on here because people are usually only nice when it suits them and if anyone disagrees at all then the facade slip.

People will always disagree and argue on here no matter what anyone says nothing will change that .All anyone can do is control how they react to it all.

Don’t confuse being nice with being kind. Being nice is the enemy of free speech but no one needs to make cruel personal comments or pile in when someone is being attacked, that’s unkind. "

That's true and unfortunately it happens a lot on here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Interesting people's interpretation of these posts. Says a lot about each of you

This comment is a prime example of passive aggressive comment tho OP,and surely it goes against what you said in your opening post. "

Thankyou for raising that. It's very difficult to come across via typing and often people misinterpret what people say. Each person has their own view, stance, on this and what kind is to me is different to somebody else. We can measure it. Maybe another way of putting it is treat people have you like to be treated . Have a great day

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Interesting people's interpretation of these posts. Says a lot about each of you

This comment is a prime example of passive aggressive comment tho OP,and surely it goes against what you said in your opening post.

This is why I don't believe in the whole be nice theory on here because people are usually only nice when it suits them and if anyone disagrees at all then the facade slip.

People will always disagree and argue on here no matter what anyone says nothing will change that .All anyone can do is control how they react to it all.

I just ignore them, can't be doing with the drama they create.

That's the whole point though it only creates drama if you allow it to. "

The point is they create drama and then play the 'it wasn't me' card.

Usually I ignore people like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting people's interpretation of these posts. Says a lot about each of you

This comment is a prime example of passive aggressive comment tho OP,and surely it goes against what you said in your opening post.

This is why I don't believe in the whole be nice theory on here because people are usually only nice when it suits them and if anyone disagrees at all then the facade slip.

People will always disagree and argue on here no matter what anyone says nothing will change that .All anyone can do is control how they react to it all.

I just ignore them, can't be doing with the drama they create.

That's the whole point though it only creates drama if you allow it to.

The point is they create drama and then play the 'it wasn't me' card.

Usually I ignore people like that."

I think you have missed the point.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Interesting people's interpretation of these posts. Says a lot about each of you

This comment is a prime example of passive aggressive comment tho OP,and surely it goes against what you said in your opening post.

This is why I don't believe in the whole be nice theory on here because people are usually only nice when it suits them and if anyone disagrees at all then the facade slip.

People will always disagree and argue on here no matter what anyone says nothing will change that .All anyone can do is control how they react to it all.

I just ignore them, can't be doing with the drama they create.

That's the whole point though it only creates drama if you allow it to.

The point is they create drama and then play the 'it wasn't me' card.

Usually I ignore people like that.

I think you have missed the point. "

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