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After people have been shagging on the telly ..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

.. have you noticed how they just get up afterwards in the morning, get dressed and carry on as normal .. I’m there thinking “bloody hell, have a shower or at least a gentleman’s swill under the hot tap for a few seconds” .. their bits are going to be minging aren’t they with the smell of sex?

Oh and the ladies always wake up with perfect unsmudged make up and lipstick. And nobody has dried dribble crusting up on their chins do they?

Anyway… what other ways does tv misrepresent normal sex?

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

And those guys who aren't popping that bra off. What are you doing men!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"And those guys who aren't popping that bra off. What are you doing men! "

you can always tell which actresses have signed a strict “no nipples on screen” rule, can’t you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And men remain covered below at all times! Like hell they do!

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

No condoms

Despite this, no wadding to the toilet after or spontaneous cum leakage an hour or so later

No need for foreplay or lube

Women can orgasm just from 3 minutes of penetration

Nobody ever does their back in lifting their entire partner's weight against a wall

Women often wearing sexy, skimpy underwear just day to day

Men never have holey boxers on

No pulling pubes out of your throat

I could probably keep going

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


".. have you noticed how they just get up afterwards in the morning, get dressed and carry on as normal .. I’m there thinking “bloody hell, have a shower or at least a gentleman’s swill under the hot tap for a few seconds” .. their bits are going to be minging aren’t they with the smell of sex?

Oh and the ladies always wake up with perfect unsmudged make up and lipstick. And nobody has dried dribble crusting up on their chins do they?

Anyway… what other ways does tv misrepresent normal sex?

"

And just to add a note to your post OP, there's nothing minging about the smell of sex the day after

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The women look like they had fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No snail trails.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And men remain covered below at all times! Like hell they do! "

But they do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The women look like they had fun.

"

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By *ornagainchristianMan
over a year ago

Preston, Glasgow, Cheltenham, Leeds, Birmingham and Leicester (but travel all over the UK


"No condoms

Despite this, no wadding to the toilet after or spontaneous cum leakage an hour or so later

No need for foreplay or lube

Women can orgasm just from 3 minutes of penetration

Nobody ever does their back in lifting their entire partner's weight against a wall

Women often wearing sexy, skimpy underwear just day to day

Men never have holey boxers on

No pulling pubes out of your throat

I could probably keep going "

This cracked me up Lacey! I’ll add no trying to move from one position to the other but your leg’s gone dead so you have to try and hoof it across while explaining what you’re doing and trying not to sound like Alan Partridge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Willy's don't ping out and need putting back in.

Cramp doesn't set in after orgasm

Teeth don't clank together whilst passionately kissing

And definitely don't ever hear fanny farts in films

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/02/22 11:59:14]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

And their hair .. perfect. No bed-head the morning after in TellyLand.

And no wince of the face or screwing up of the nose when their partner talks to them with a bad case of morning breath before cleaning their teeth..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's pretty unusual to see them crack out the double ender or show the lady pegging her man!! Come to think of it they aren't too keen on showing any watersport action either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone looks gorgeous as they orgasm. In my experience people mostly look like

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By *illloganMan
over a year ago

Essex

It's the breath for me, either after being out drinking they breathe heavily in to each others faces or morning after with breath like a sewer, I have to brush my teeth before I even think about a kiss, let alone heavy panting for 2 minutes on top of someone!

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By *iss MaverickWoman
over a year ago

Porthcawl


"It's the breath for me, either after being out drinking they breathe heavily in to each others faces or morning after with breath like a sewer, I have to brush my teeth before I even think about a kiss, let alone heavy panting for 2 minutes on top of someone! "
this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No squirt up the walls

No squelchy condom hanging from the light

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE


"It's the breath for me, either after being out drinking they breathe heavily in to each others faces or morning after with breath like a sewer, I have to brush my teeth before I even think about a kiss, let alone heavy panting for 2 minutes on top of someone! "

Not helped by their tenancy to fall asleep...in it seems all their undergarments...in postcoital bliss, WITHOUT BRUSHING A SINGLE TOOTH.

Good god people.

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By *onkeynutWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

No messy hair, mascara down the cheeks or breaking into a sweat.

No fanny farts or cramp that result in fits of giggles… it’s all very serious!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's the breath for me, either after being out drinking they breathe heavily in to each others faces or morning after with breath like a sewer, I have to brush my teeth before I even think about a kiss, let alone heavy panting for 2 minutes on top of someone! "

This is what I was going to say too.

I struggle to enjoy historical sex scenes for most of these reasons too, as I all I can think is I bet they absolutely stink!

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I love that in movies people can have complete shagathons that go on for days but no woman ever needs to call into a chemist for cystopurin. No UTIs in movies.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"The women look like they had fun.

"

Which ones are you watching?

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By *iggingMan
over a year ago

Oldham


"Everyone looks gorgeous as they orgasm. In my experience people mostly look like "

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

They can never get the positioning right - most of the times it looks like he's either fucking her belly button, or his dick is coming out his chest.

Afterwards he wants a cuddle instead of getting up and going back to watching TV.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames


".. have you noticed how they just get up afterwards in the morning, get dressed and carry on as normal .. I’m there thinking “bloody hell, have a shower or at least a gentleman’s swill under the hot tap for a few seconds” .. their bits are going to be minging aren’t they with the smell of sex?

Oh and the ladies always wake up with perfect unsmudged make up and lipstick. And nobody has dried dribble crusting up on their chins do they?

Anyway… what other ways does tv misrepresent normal sex?

"

And when people on films wake up and roll over, there is no loud fart. The dawn chorus is an important step in the process of waking up and getting out of bed.

Also, I move like a geriatric for the first 5 minutes. Then I’m fine and can go out for a run or whatever, but the first 5 minutes and hobbling down the stairs are a disgrace

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames


"Willy's don't ping out and need putting back in.

Cramp doesn't set in after orgasm

Teeth don't clank together whilst passionately kissing

And definitely don't ever hear fanny farts in films "

Or “hang on there a minute and I’ll slap on some lube”

No discussion either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No awkward wake up afterwards Off a one night club or pub stand

The old emmm ok who are you emmm ooo god really

Ok let’s do the checks look around yip there the condom there ooo god ok that happened or emmm don’t see the condom little pause off relfe ooo wait on finger check yip ooo god it did happen

Ok let’s plan this out whares my dress and stuff yip ok up grab slip on quick

Still missing a stocking and whare the hell my knickers

Ahhh he’s movieing dammm fuck it leave them

Down and out the door call a taxi at the end off the street

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

No argument over who sleeps on the wet patch

No red, sweaty sex faces

Simultaneous orgasms!

No wriggling to get in just right

No squelchy condom noises. In fact, no condoms!

She ALWAYS cums.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No argument over who sleeps on the wet patch

No red, sweaty sex faces

Simultaneous orgasms!

No wriggling to get in just right

No squelchy condom noises. In fact, no condoms!

She ALWAYS cums.

"

Do you not always cum Red???? You've been utilising the wrong men!!!

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.


"No argument over who sleeps on the wet patch

No red, sweaty sex faces

Simultaneous orgasms!

No wriggling to get in just right

No squelchy condom noises. In fact, no condoms!

She ALWAYS cums.

Do you not always cum Red???? You've been utilising the wrong men!!! "

It seems o have indeed, Sir.

I have need of you. And your kilt!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Imagine all the broken pixels

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By *B69Woman
over a year ago

Wiltshire

No one ever offers a tissue

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Oh, and even if they meet in a hot and sweaty nightclub they're quite happy to give each other oral even though he has sticky sweaty bollocks and she has those tiny bobbles of cheap toilet paper all over her foof - no nipping to the bathroom to give their bits a wash.

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By *over me with CumCouple
over a year ago

Near Spalding.

Some of them don't even wipe their cock on the curtains to clean it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Apart from Bridget Jones they all remember to put their best pulling pants on.

Oh. And there's no queefs. Ever.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham


".. have you noticed how they just get up afterwards in the morning, get dressed and carry on as normal .. I’m there thinking “bloody hell, have a shower or at least a gentleman’s swill under the hot tap for a few seconds” .. their bits are going to be minging aren’t they with the smell of sex?

Oh and the ladies always wake up with perfect unsmudged make up and lipstick. And nobody has dried dribble crusting up on their chins do they?

Anyway… what other ways does tv misrepresent normal sex?

And just to add a note to your post OP, there's nothing minging about the smell of sex the day after "

Oh yea I like to stick my head under the covers and savour that aroma.

I'd probably have a shower before going to save the world though.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I’ve never heard anyone fart in bed.

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

I’ve never seen someone fall over trying to sexily take their socks off on tv

Beard

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Who has sex with the sheets / duvet on, too restrictive and warm !

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

No women shout WAIT WAIT then go into an alarming buttock clenching spasm for 30 seconds and then carry on fucking without mentioning they've just re directed a fart.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

The phone rings...... the bloke who has just had to stop fucking gets up to answer it with boxers on the right way round....

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

She goes to the bathroom and doesn't do that ....... oh my fucking God , hot cum running down both legs face ......

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By *xploring_FunWoman
over a year ago

Usually South, Currently North

It’s the hair for me.

He has his hands in it while they’re kissing. They writhe all over the bed for ages.

Then she had slightly ruffled hair without a tug in sight!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one rolls over onto the wet patch

Sex is dry in telly land

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No one rolls over onto the wet patch

Sex is dry in telly land "
maybe thats why that song was made about sex being on fire

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By *xploring_FunWoman
over a year ago

Usually South, Currently North

There’s also no hiccups - nobodies hair gets caught under an elbow, no new positions take three attempts to work, no tangled arms or awkward trying to move arms in the same place at the same time.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

No creaking bones and they always have their pants on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No snail trails."

Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve never heard anyone fart in bed. "

Doesn't mean it didn't happen...

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames


"I’ve never seen someone fall over trying to sexily take their socks off on tv

Beard"

... or stub their toe and hop around, swearing.

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By *immyinreadingMan
over a year ago

henley on thames


"The phone rings...... the bloke who has just had to stop fucking gets up to answer it with boxers on the right way round.... "

... and no boner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s the hair for me.

He has his hands in it while they’re kissing. They writhe all over the bed for ages.

Then she had slightly ruffled hair without a tug in sight! "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/02/22 09:49:15]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After sex, the woman will cover herself with the duvet and walk around with it while looking for her clothes. You were just naked together!

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