FabSwingers.com forum: how to react to being ghosted

By *ingdang OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Manchester

So this all sounds very familiar to you guys. Someone approached you and say all the beautiful words and asking you for a meet. You happen to like him too and agreed a date and time to meet him. All good. Then on the day, you can see him log in and out the site, but never speak to you. Time is ticking, and its only 1 hour to the arrange time to meet. So what shall you do? You politely send a reminder to this person, and he either ignore you, and choose not to read the message, or don't log in again.

So what's the mentality of the other person? What shall I do to avoid being ghosted like this?

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By *toC Thats MeWoman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I would ignore and block, and never let them waste my time or enter my thoughts again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same as above, just block them and move on. It his loss after all. You'll meet someone else x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be fair to the other party as we don’t know if they have something that may be urgent/emergency to attend to, I would just let the arranged time pass by and maybe send a polite enquiry to see if all is ok with them. If it’s ignored/not replied to, I’d then just forget about them and move on. I’d probably also put a note on their profile to not arrange anything again.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

Ignore and block. Harsh, but necessary

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So this all sounds very familiar to you guys. Someone approached you and say all the beautiful words and asking you for a meet. You happen to like him too and agreed a date and time to meet him. All good. Then on the day, you can see him log in and out the site, but never speak to you. Time is ticking, and its only 1 hour to the arrange time to meet. So what shall you do? You politely send a reminder to this person, and he either ignore you, and choose not to read the message, or don't log in again.

So what's the mentality of the other person? What shall I do to avoid being ghosted like this?"

Move on and be thankful you had a lucky escape

I met a guy off here in December, really nice guy, the type you don’t meet very often, loads in common… everything was fine, 2 weeks ago, haven’t heard from him since….. I really really like him and having problems moving on

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By *inda May SimmonsTV/TS
over a year ago

hexham

Everyone basically says the same thing and I agree. Ignore and block and crack on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

U probably had a lucky escape and potentially maybe the meeting would have gone bad , maybe …

I find it kinda rude tho that if people change their mind, or something happen, they should just say it.

I don’t tend to get ghosted, but I did get some guys cancel on me cos of X,Y,Z reason. At least I found it more respectful cos I can understand shit happens

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They might be waiting for you to message, people can play games and find it hard to know where they stand on here. I'd just straight up ask them if the meet is still on, if they don't respond then there's your answer.

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By *ingdang OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Manchester

To be honest I just blocked someone I have been chatting for long time. He did this to me a few times, and yes I know, its my fault to let him doing this to me again and again.

I actually met him once, and liked him, but after that a meet can never be arranged because he would just disappear on the day without given any reason. He then reappear after sometime and want to meet again.

I know its all my fault to let him doing this to me. I blocked him but still felt the hurt. Hope time is best cure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree block and move on

Their loss not yours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unacceptable behaviour on their part. No excuse.

It says do much more about them that it does about you.

Next!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not nice at all it's a cop out, shows that they aren't a nice person, forget and move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Block and move on is the best way

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

If it fades let it and move on.take it as an example that you didn't go and stood up.

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

I was ghosted a couple of weeks ago. I have kept the messages there just to remind me not to message back.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Like others say, block him

It feels like people are waiting for a better offer at times.

Years ago, I'd arranged a social, we agreed a specific date, but we're going to finalise the details later.

Fast forward, he ignored my message then later tried to rearrange. He was told no sorry, you had your chance as he didn't even seem bothered that he'd ignored me etc.

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By *iman2100Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

An off shoot of ghosting is now appearing. It is 'gaslighting'.

This is where the woman, close to the arranged meet time, accuses the man, out of the blue and with no justification, of not wanting to meet her.

However hard he protests that he does wish to meet and will do so she persists in her accusations until eventually she ghosts him. Why she does not say "I have changed my mind" fails me. Yet another timewaster tactic to watch out for.

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By *urora1912Woman
over a year ago

Norfolk East anglia

Theres no need to ghost, it's so rude.

Just be honest if you've changed your mind

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Horrid when this happens! As others say just move on x

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

The other person has to be excited about the meet otherwise what's the point. I would take it as an indicator that they are not or have reconsidered. Either way block and move on to the next.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Block and move on.

Or track them down and murder them in their sleep.

Probably suggest sticking with the first though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having been there before with a guy I'd never do it again, if they can treat you that way they can get fucked.

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By *nternal decoratorMan
over a year ago

swinton

Cunts trick, I just block anyone that leaves me on read or talks then vanishes

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"Having been there before with a guy I'd never do it again, if they can treat you that way they can get fucked.

His loss x

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

If they had logged in and not answered my messages etc I would send a final one saying something like “if you don’t message within the next hour I’m not turning up” or words to that effect, then they can see that you aren’t there to be messaged around, don’t give anyone the power to make you feel crap or ghosted, there’s nothing wrong with bring upfront in your decision making

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt and it’s a shit feeling when it happens, but we just need to pick ourselves up and move on

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

I prempt this by letting them know beforehand that I will expect confirmation a few hours before and if I don't get it, I won't be leaving my house.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"I was ghosted a couple of weeks ago. I have kept the messages there just to remind me not to message back. "

As you’re a site supporter, do you know you can put a private note against someone’s profile? Only you can see it, and it’s good when someone does this to you, then comes back a few weeks later when everyone else is busy……

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

Lots of people are only here for the thrill of the chase, they like to know they can get the meet but never have any actual intentions of going through with it, it's their kink

We just have to forget about them & move on, oh & block so they don't waste your time again

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By *parrow77Man
over a year ago

cheshire

Had that so many times on here and dating site to point it starts make me feel like I’m unwanted and only way someone would take interest is to mock or waste my time

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

"I was ghosted a couple of weeks ago. I have kept the messages there just to remind me not to message back.

I use the private note facility, as a site supporter, very often. Useful for a range of aides-memoires about a range of issues!

As for being ghosted, I learned a severe lesson a couple of years ago, but now I simply chalk it up to experience, attach a private note to their profile if they're still onsite and just move on.

I don't try to analyse it too much, some women are just fickle.

Giuseppe Verdi had the situation suummed up a long time ago:

La Donna e mobile:

woman is fickle!

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By *ohnny-boyMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"U probably had a lucky escape and potentially maybe the meeting would have gone bad , maybe …

I find it kinda rude tho that if people change their mind, or something happen, they should just say it.

I don’t tend to get ghosted, but I did get some guys cancel on me cos of X,Y,Z reason. At least I found it more respectful cos I can understand shit happens "

Its of poor taste tbh...i was chatting with a couple for weeks and recently more intensely where late one evening really out of character she asked me all sorts of things she hadn't asked before...which is something i guess in my mind i was hoping for. Make no mistake it was a genuine profile with many photos' and varies to confirm same. Even as far as to chat with her bubby...However, last Thursday she became very flirty and suggested we meet and get a hotel as action spoke louder than words....i quickly looked for a hotel not too far from her location and confirmed a booking...with that i informed her...and we agreed to speak the next morning....So i'm up and showered and checking but guess what BLOCKED! Ironic hey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once I feel ghosted ... I take a mental note ... and get on with my day

...

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I never chase up if about to meet. If it's meant to be...

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By *cunnylassCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

"I prempt this by letting them know beforehand that I will expect confirmation a few hours before and if I don't get it, I won't be leaving my house."

We've always done this.We also block them if there's no confirmation.

M and M

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By *aven888Woman
over a year ago

Gloucester

maybe a little unfair to say it is just women. I agreed to meet a guy 3 times for a social last week and each time he made an excuse to postpone. (but i decided to give him the benefit of the doubt) Then i was in the chat room and he messages to say that he couldn't 'trust' me because i was talking to people and had decided he didn't want to meet me.......not sure some people actually realise what this site is for

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By *ohnny-boyMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"U probably had a lucky escape and potentially maybe the meeting would have gone bad , maybe …

I find it kinda rude tho that if people change their mind, or something happen, they should just say it.

I don’t tend to get ghosted, but I did get some guys cancel on me cos of X,Y,Z reason. At least I found it more respectful cos I can understand shit happens "

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By *ohnny-boyMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"maybe a little unfair to say it is just women. I agreed to meet a guy 3 times for a social last week and each time he made an excuse to postpone. (but i decided to give him the benefit of the doubt) Then i was in the chat room and he messages to say that he couldn't 'trust' me because i was talking to people and had decided he didn't want to meet me.......not sure some people actually realise what this site is for"

Takes all sorts i guess

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

It would probably be fair to say that he is the controlling, possessive, insecure, jealous type; best avoided!

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By *ampant2kMan
over a year ago

Bristol

I've been ghosted a few times over the years. As annoying and disappointing as it may be, I've learnt to just ignore and move on. Although you soon get a sixth sense for who's genuine and who's not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was ghosted a couple of weeks ago. I have kept the messages there just to remind me not to message back.

I’ve learnt something new today!! Thank you kind Sir (goes off to make notes…)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"U probably had a lucky escape and potentially maybe the meeting would have gone bad , maybe …

I find it kinda rude tho that if people change their mind, or something happen, they should just say it.

I don’t tend to get ghosted, but I did get some guys cancel on me cos of X,Y,Z reason. At least I found it more respectful cos I can understand shit happens

I suspect this was a horny d*unken late night chat on her part, but it’s a dick move to block you

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By *ohnny-boyMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"U probably had a lucky escape and potentially maybe the meeting would have gone bad , maybe …

I find it kinda rude tho that if people change their mind, or something happen, they should just say it.

I don’t tend to get ghosted, but I did get some guys cancel on me cos of X,Y,Z reason. At least I found it more respectful cos I can understand shit happens

I suspect this was a horny d*unken late night chat on her part, but it’s a dick move to block you

I thought so too...but i guess it brings you back to reality and its only a SEX site

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I was ghosted a couple of weeks ago. I have kept the messages there just to remind me not to message back. "

You know the drop down menu you can leave notes as messages don't stay forever unless you've saved

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"U probably had a lucky escape and potentially maybe the meeting would have gone bad , maybe …

I find it kinda rude tho that if people change their mind, or something happen, they should just say it.

I don’t tend to get ghosted, but I did get some guys cancel on me cos of X,Y,Z reason. At least I found it more respectful cos I can understand shit happens

I suspect this was a horny d*unken late night chat on her part, but it’s a dick move to block you

I thought so too...but i guess it brings you back to reality and its only a SEX site "

Yeah but still doesn’t make that ok. Hope you had a back up to make the most of the hotel?!

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I’d leave a private note that says “cockwomble” and then when they try messaging me two years later and I’ve forgotten who they are, I have a little reminder to not entertain them

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By *ohnny-boyMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"U probably had a lucky escape and potentially maybe the meeting would have gone bad , maybe …

I find it kinda rude tho that if people change their mind, or something happen, they should just say it.

I don’t tend to get ghosted, but I did get some guys cancel on me cos of X,Y,Z reason. At least I found it more respectful cos I can understand shit happens

I suspect this was a horny d*unken late night chat on her part, but it’s a dick move to block you

I thought so too...but i guess it brings you back to reality and its only a SEX site

Yeah but still doesn’t make that ok. Hope you had a back up to make the most of the hotel?!

regrettably as it was past 2am when i booked it and lost my money too

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By *ohnny-boyMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I’d leave a private note that says “cockwomble” and then when they try messaging me two years later and I’ve forgotten who they are, I have a little reminder to not entertain them

Already done

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"I prempt this by letting them know beforehand that I will expect confirmation a few hours before and if I don't get it, I won't be leaving my house."

Same!

Or I'll check in the night before.

Quite often they go quiet about 2 days before... Then suddenly reappear weeks/months down the line. Always happy to tell them why they won't get another chance.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Keep it touch with people , keep the comms going ,her their number talk to them by phone before a meet. Never watch people’s status on/offline , that alone is a red flag and tbh creepy

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By *iman2100Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Theres no need to ghost, it's so rude.

Just be honest if you've changed your mind "

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By *ohnny-boyMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I prempt this by letting them know beforehand that I will expect confirmation a few hours before and if I don't get it, I won't be leaving my house.

Same!

Or I'll check in the night before.

Quite often they go quiet about 2 days before... Then suddenly reappear weeks/months down the line. Always happy to tell them why they won't get another chance."

Cant imagine why anyone would cancel you Mimi....must be this new found wolke culture

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By *iman2100Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

That, lady, is gaslighting. He blames you for what he has decided to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There could be all sorts of reasons why he did this but ultimately it’s disrespectful! I have no time for men who are disrespectful, seriously there’s no need! Block, move on, give no fucks, there will be another one along in a minute

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Watch Casper

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

Hi op. It used to be that around 70% of my meets never happened for one reason or another. Frustrating as I’m generally 100% reliable. However - since lockdown I’ve had much more reliable meets. Partly due to luck I imagine - but also because I meet far less these days - and only with people I feel I have a genuine connection with. Unless we’ve met before somewhere there’s also a social/coffee somewhere. Imo if they can’t be arsed to meet for a coffee to make sure we click then they’re not worth a shag.

Hence - as I meet far less - my ‘success’ rate tends to be far greater. The only thing that used to frustrate me is that you can have an amazing meet with mind blowing sex - mutually agree to a semi regular friendship - but it never materialises. These days I’ve learned to become philosophical and smile at the memory of a bloody great meet. If you don’t happen to meet again then so be it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Been there, done that, got the T-shirt and it’s a shit feeling when it happens, but we just need to pick ourselves up and move on "

its the nature of sites like these

more than happy to send pics and chat... but actually meet?

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By *ighty_tightyMan
over a year ago

Norfolk/Suffolk

I don't get the question.

Surely reacting to a ghosting isn't real?

I know ghosting happens but it's just someone not responding/replying. Just accept it and move on

How are you supposed to react?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't get the question.

Surely reacting to a ghosting isn't real?

I know ghosting happens but it's just someone not responding/replying. Just accept it and move on

How are you supposed to react? "

Who ya gonna call?

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By *igJFromSAMan
over a year ago

Woking

You should go to a forest clearing on a moonless nigh t, howl your frustrations to the void until Eldrich beings fine to investigate, strike a bargain with them to make the ghoster suffer for some unknowable price to yourself.

Or if the weather's a bit miserable I guess you could just block and move on line everyone else suggests.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't get the question.

Surely reacting to a ghosting isn't real?

I know ghosting happens but it's just someone not responding/replying. Just accept it and move on

How are you supposed to react?

Who ya gonna call? "

Ghostbusters

Sorry had to do it

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By *xploring_FunWoman
over a year ago

Usually South, Currently North

"I prempt this by letting them know beforehand that I will expect confirmation a few hours before and if I don't get it, I won't be leaving my house."

I do that now too. And if they’re coming to meet me (or on my couple profile with my other half) I’ll give them the street name or hotel name, but not the door number until they confirm.

Organised with 4 guys one evening for the next morning. All well verified. Only one confirmed for the door number the next morning.

I gave the other 3 24 hours to come up with the excuse then blocked.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

So the person that ghosted me exactly three years ago to the week, has popped back up. Nice small talk messages messages about how I am.

I’ve got to the age where I’m quite direct so I called her out on it. She replied but ignored what I said and changed the subject.

I’ve just deleted her messages.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Unfriend and walk away with no second chance

I dont block as i want to see if they will grow some bollocks and come back with a apology.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunatley this has happened to me, I will send a reminder and if I dont get a reply i just delete the message and dont bother with them anymore

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know i was worried sick something had happened was on the verge of breaking a promise to make sure

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