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Is reality and fantasy different

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By *enj08475 OP   Man
over a year ago

brighton

Myself and wife fantasise about lifestyle but are unsure if the reality is very different when you try it in the flesh. Also unsure how the emotions might hurt us after first time, any input from experienced folk welcome, thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s the classic “make sure you talk it through fully, your fears and expectations. And agree boundaries and get-outs if it isn’t working” reply from me on this one.

Fantasy and reality can be poles apart if the comms is all wrong. Some people love seeing their other half in ecstasy with another person, others do get the green-eyed monster when seeing them seemingly enjoying themselves more than they do with you.

In my time here over the years I’ve seen it all, people thriving in the scene and sadly, on the flip side, relationships ending when the balance of enjoyment gets out of kilter.

Take things slowly and work up is my advice.

Have fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Communication is key, I’d imagine. Good luck!

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By *enj08475 OP   Man
over a year ago

brighton

Thanks for advice very useful, any idea of success rate in the lifestyle, ie. Is it more common to work out than not do you think, in the context of good relationships to start with, Ben

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

be willing to ask each other questions that might make you uncomfortable if you aren't capable of that, its more of a gamble. best to know how each other feels as much possible before trying and setting boundaries ect. just some of the advice i can think of thats helped us prepare for our first thats yet to happen.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

A lot of guys come here thinking it's instashag. Seen it in clubs as well. It's more like a social society.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve no idea, since I’m the world’s shittest swinger!

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"I’ve no idea, since I’m the world’s shittest swinger!"

Patience. Happy to assist you X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For some reality is better than fantasy, for others it's about the same and then for yet others it's a whole world of crap.

Take your time, be honest, be open. If jealousy is an issue in normal life it's almost certainly going to be worse if you try swinging. Agree boundaries, agree that no matter how you feel you won't hold it against each other if they do something you've said is within your limits but later turns out not to be. Adjust your boundaries to suit and be prepared that situations will arise that you hadn't considered. Figure out how you deal with those, preferably before they occur but if not, again try not to let your emotions fly at your partner, it's very likely they have a different perception of the situation to you. Get this lot sorted and you'll be fine. Screw it up and you'll end up causing hurt to each other.

Mr

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Reality rarely lives up to the fantasy.

Just keep it as a fantasy and save your sanity.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You've asked a lot of questions Ben which is fine, we all had concerns before we took the plunge. You do sound very unsure if it's the right thing for you though. Other people's experiences might help you to make your mind up but you won't be able to tell how it will affect you and your wife.

Unless you can agree and both be sure that you can try swinging and that whatever happens won't affect your relationship I would say don't do it.

Good luck whatever you decide

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By *enj08475 OP   Man
over a year ago

brighton


"You've asked a lot of questions Ben which is fine, we all had concerns before we took the plunge. You do sound very unsure if it's the right thing for you though. Other people's experiences might help you to make your mind up but you won't be able to tell how it will affect you and your wife.

Unless you can agree and both be sure that you can try swinging and that whatever happens won't affect your relationship I would say don't do it.

Good luck whatever you decide "

Thanks again for your input, appreciated xx I would like to message you more privately for advice but cant?

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By *uckOfTheBayMan
over a year ago

Mold

Don't jump in with both feet (or all four)

You may be best off going to a club on a social night and just hang around and talk to the staff and customers and "get a feel" for what might be going on, without necessarily joining in

You'll be able to gauge the scene a little better and see if it does tickle your fancy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its judt like anything in life, you'll have good anf bad experiences. if the first ones are terrible chances are you'll not want to risk a repeat! or one of you will and one won't

some people make it a lifestyle others a night of madness once a year.

happy hunting !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For us we’d been through quite a lot in our relationship so we knew if either of us got jealous or didn’t like it we’d be able to work through it. We started slow and just took baby steps and talked through everything that happened to make sure we were comfortable moving forward.

I would suggest clubs and just play with each other your first few times and get a feel for what it’s like even seeing other people naked and having sex around you and slowly work your way up to inviting others. That’s basically how we did it and it worked out well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honesty and communication is the only way forward. Set your boundaries and what your comfortable with, do not cross these at any point.

In terms of the after feeling? Truth is you won't know until you've done it. Just make sure your both ready and your relationship is strong enough to deal with the fallout, good or bad.

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By *enj08475 OP   Man
over a year ago

brighton

Thanks guys for all your feedback, it all helps and is valuable, Ben

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