FabSwingers.com forum: Women... please help!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm due to go on a first date with someone I met online. Not from here.

We were talking regularly but closer to the date, she has gradually talked less and less.

And by that I mean she has only said morning to me today. I can see she has read my messages and hasn't replied.

Is this usual? Is she losing interest?

Or am I just reading too much into it?

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Some men with similar experience might have more useful advice for you. I don't but others might. All I can say is everyone has off days and other things in their lives so might not be as big an issue as you thing. Over to you women ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Keep an open mind as there may well be a genuine reason for the lack of messages today.

However, when I am interested in someone I respond to their messages before others and look forward to seeing their replies because its exciting.

If my attention ebbs its usually a sign that my interest is dwindling.

NBVN x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Some men with similar experience might have more useful advice for you. I don't but others might. All I can say is everyone has off days and other things in their lives so might not be as big an issue as you thing. Over to you women ...."

I understand that if she has been busy and unable to reply, then sure. But the fact she has had time to read it and not reply?

Not even 3 minutes later, she posted a pic on "her story" that she was off to the gym.

So if she has time to post that, surely she had time to reply?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When is the date?

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Might be the natural fizzle, she might be busy in real life, might be wanting to save some conversation for the date. So long as everything is still confirmed for the meet I wouldn't worry too much OP

LvM

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When is the date?

She may be busy with the storm today.

Or she may be letting the conversation die because she doesn't want to meet anymore.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The date is tomorrow night at 7pm

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

I have a rule. If I send a message and don't get a reply, I stop. There might be a valid reason, but my spider senses normally tell me something is wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I understand that if she has been busy and unable to reply, then sure. But the fact she has had time to read it and not reply?

Not even 3 minutes later, she posted a pic on "her story" that she was off to the gym.

So if she has time to post that, surely she had time to reply?"

I would cancel the date. If she's the type to post her every move on social media you deserve better than that.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Might be the natural fizzle, she might be busy in real life, might be wanting to save some conversation for the date. So long as everything is still confirmed for the meet I wouldn't worry too much OP

LvM"

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you made sure it is actually a female and if so, is she real? Live video call is only sure way….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She might not be that in to you.

Or married.

Or she’s taken up a new hobby and it takes up a rather large portion of her time.

Or she has joined on Amish community.

Maybe she was in an accident at work and her hands were sucked into a meat grinder and now she can’t reply to messages until she has prosthetics.

Hope this helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm due to go on a first date with someone I met online. Not from here.

We were talking regularly but closer to the date, she has gradually talked less and less.

And by that I mean she has only said morning to me today. I can see she has read my messages and hasn't replied.

Is this usual? Is she losing interest?

Or am I just reading too much into it?"

Sorry to say it friend, but it looks like even Thunderbirds couldn't save the situation now...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I may not be a lady but at least from my perspective, going off the fact that youve said shes not speaking as much as she used to, my guess is that shes losing the enthusiasm, i wouldnt say shes lost interest, as she still said good morning to you, but the buzz of finding a potential suiter is wearing off from the sounds. Of course she could just be busy but that is a bit of a cliché excuse.

Its a common problem in online dating these days that a lot of ppl both men and women are more proactive and eager in the early stages of meeting someone new but it quickly fizzles out. Theres just so much choice out there for them and theyre constantly on the fence to wait for the next exciting person to come along.

To them, arranging a date is just another date (especially as its a lot easier for women to hook a date than it is for men), but for you, the guy, it can be a big deal. My advice is to stick to the arrangement but remain cautious to the fact that they could call it off or may not arrange a second, so try not to get your hopes up if their waning enthusiasm leads them to move on elsewhere

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a rule. If I send a message and don't get a reply, I stop. There might be a valid reason, but my spider senses normally tell me something is wrong."

Same.

I would back off a little, and let her come to you.

Hope it works out x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Could you be coming across pushy I notice you say messages. After two messages I wouldn’t continue until I’d heard back.

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

I'm sorry but if you go on a date you're excited and the chat should increase. Go on the date and just use your own judgement. She genuinely just could be busy but I'd expect a reply before she put anything on her story. If they check anything online before you that's not good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear this OP.

As she posted on her socials about the gym shortly after it could be she hasn't the heart to tell you she doesn't want to move forward but also could be she was focused job in hand and thought she would reply when she had more time?

It could be something silly like sometning has been said and now she is having second thoughts.

I know this doesn't help but you did ask!

Danish x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She might not be that in to you.

Or married.

Or she’s taken up a new hobby and it takes up a rather large portion of her time.

Or she has joined on Amish community.

Maybe she was in an accident at work and her hands were sucked into a meat grinder and now she can’t reply to messages until she has prosthetics.

Hope this helps."

I've lost count of the men who have had meat grinder accidents before our date. It's tragically common.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"I have a rule. If I send a message and don't get a reply, I stop. There might be a valid reason, but my spider senses normally tell me something is wrong.

Same.

I would back off a little, and let her come to you.

Hope it works out x"

I had this on a vanilla site. My mate pointed out the can of lynx deodorant and diesel aftershave on the sideboard after she stopped chatting.....married and fancied the idea of something different, but blew out when literally 45 minutes from the date

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Could you be coming across pushy I notice you say messages. After two messages I wouldn’t continue until I’d heard back. "

Agree with this whole heartedly x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Here is our entire conversation today:

(She posted a pic of herself this morning)

Me: Morning beautiful

Her: Morning

Me: How's you?

Several hours later:

Me: Are you excited about our date tomorrow?

A few hours later:

Me: Are you okay? Not heard from you much today

Minutes later she posts a pic of her saying she off to the gym

Still no reply and I'm not messaging her until she replies

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"Here is our entire conversation today:

(She posted a pic of herself this morning)

Me: Morning beautiful

Her: Morning

Me: How's you?

Several hours later:

Me: Are you excited about our date tomorrow?

A few hours later:

Me: Are you okay? Not heard from you much today

Minutes later she posts a pic of her saying she off to the gym

Still no reply and I'm not messaging her until she replies"

Leave it. See if she replies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe she’s keeping things to chat about at the date

As if you talked about everything before hand I mean what is there to talk about when your on the date

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here is our entire conversation today:

(She posted a pic of herself this morning)

Me: Morning beautiful

Her: Morning

Me: How's you?

Several hours later:

Me: Are you excited about our date tomorrow?

A few hours later:

Me: Are you okay? Not heard from you much today

Minutes later she posts a pic of her saying she off to the gym

Still no reply and I'm not messaging her until she replies"

How long have you been chatting to her (weeks, days)? Does she normally chat back?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She might not be that in to you.

Or married.

Or she’s taken up a new hobby and it takes up a rather large portion of her time.

Or she has joined on Amish community.

Maybe she was in an accident at work and her hands were sucked into a meat grinder and now she can’t reply to messages until she has prosthetics.

Hope this helps."

Delete “hands sucked into a meat grinder”.

Insert “hands sucked under a treadmill”.

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

[Removed by poster at 18/02/22 19:25:29]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here is our entire conversation today:

(She posted a pic of herself this morning)

Me: Morning beautiful

Her: Morning

Me: How's you?

Several hours later:

Me: Are you excited about our date tomorrow?

A few hours later:

Me: Are you okay? Not heard from you much today

Minutes later she posts a pic of her saying she off to the gym

Still no reply and I'm not messaging her until she replies"

A woman's perspective, albeit a woman who loves texting and would never leave anyone dangling:

I would be prepared for the fact your date may not happen. I'm sorry.

I wish people could be honest and upfront but some just don't feel able to.

She may come back to you with a valid reason but, if I'm into a guy and I'm due to meet him, I'm definitely replying to him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope she doesn’t read the forum, it sounds a little crowdy, nothing wrong with what you sent, but think you’re overthinking - maybe she’s just busy, and wanting to go to the gym and not have every waking thought about something happening on another day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yea if she hasnt replied after u sent all of that sorry to say she sounds like she is ghosting you. Why people dont just adult and say they arent interested ill never know

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As I said, I won't message until she does.

Might even ignore her until tommorow, if she replies tonight.

Shall keep you posted if there are any updates haha

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By *B69Woman
over a year ago

Wiltshire

If I had a conversation like yours above then I would say she’s changed her mind.

As others have said leave it now and wait for her response

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Please do let us know!

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Here is our entire conversation today:

(She posted a pic of herself this morning)

Me: Morning beautiful

Her: Morning

Me: How's you?

Several hours later:

Me: Are you excited about our date tomorrow?

A few hours later:

Me: Are you okay? Not heard from you much today

Minutes later she posts a pic of her saying she off to the gym

Still no reply and I'm not messaging her until she replies"

If she replies say sorry I've made other plans. Don't say anything else. Her reply determines your reply after that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here is our entire conversation today:

(She posted a pic of herself this morning)

Me: Morning beautiful

Her: Morning

Me: How's you?

Several hours later:

Me: Are you excited about our date tomorrow?

A few hours later:

Me: Are you okay? Not heard from you much today

Minutes later she posts a pic of her saying she off to the gym

Still no reply and I'm not messaging her until she replies"

How often have you sent multiple messages without reply before? I would say 3 without a reply comes across as needy. If you’ve done that often maybe she’s backed off a bit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not that I am living my love life vicariously through others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a man refers to me as ‘beautiful’ in a message, my fanjo kinda retreats into itself a bit. Sorry, just sayin’.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a natural thing to talk loads when your first connecting and then less as it progresses. Could just be life taking over but that being said, it is a bit of a turn off when people double message. Just take a step back and let her come to you when she's ready, if she doesn't you have your answer.

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By *merald Eyes XWoman
over a year ago

Can you find me….

She could just be busy..

But I suggest you lean back… if she’s interested she will message you and if not you have your answer x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If a man refers to me as ‘beautiful’ in a message, my fanjo kinda retreats into itself a bit. Sorry, just sayin’."

...so the word "beautiful" has the same effect on you as ice cold water on a mans nuts.

Yikes. Personally I'd prefer the word than the water

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Text her and tell her you slept with her sister.

If she doesn’t reply she’s not interested.

If she does, she’s probably also no longer interested.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If a man refers to me as ‘beautiful’ in a message, my fanjo kinda retreats into itself a bit. Sorry, just sayin’.

...so the word "beautiful" has the same effect on you as ice cold water on a mans nuts.

Yikes. Personally I'd prefer the word than the water

Beautiful is fine when you’ve met. But before that it just feels a bit cringe.

Maybe just me being a weirdo! But I don’t like it, and that’s all I know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Judging by the conversation you posted, the ball is in her court. You’ve made the effort and she hasn’t responded. Don’t message again until she replies. No reply before the date, don’t show.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"If a man refers to me as ‘beautiful’ in a message, my fanjo kinda retreats into itself a bit. Sorry, just sayin’.

...so the word "beautiful" has the same effect on you as ice cold water on a mans nuts.

Yikes. Personally I'd prefer the word than the water

Beautiful is fine when you’ve met. But before that it just feels a bit cringe.

Maybe just me being a weirdo! But I don’t like it, and that’s all I know."

If comfortable, after some chats, I sometimes move on to a pet name, but only if the convo is so comfortable, that it's a constant back and forth, and there's some fondness there x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you asked if she is having second thoughts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If a man refers to me as ‘beautiful’ in a message, my fanjo kinda retreats into itself a bit. Sorry, just sayin’.

...so the word "beautiful" has the same effect on you as ice cold water on a mans nuts.

Yikes. Personally I'd prefer the word than the water

Beautiful is fine when you’ve met. But before that it just feels a bit cringe.

Maybe just me being a weirdo! But I don’t like it, and that’s all I know."

Nah, I get what you mean; it sounds insincere and fake if used in isolation like that. So yes, a bit cringe.

Although I wonder if anyone ever uses it with you in messages are you tempted to dip their balls in ice cold water..?

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By *he sultan of swingMan
over a year ago

mid devon

"I'm due to go on a first date with someone I met online. Not from here.

We were talking regularly but closer to the date, she has gradually talked less and less.

And by that I mean she has only said morning to me today. I can see she has read my messages and hasn't replied.

Is this usual? Is she losing interest?

Or am I just reading too much into it?"

Fuck her off pal! She's keeping in you in limbo that's no good you need to know where you stand give her an ultimate gain some of the controll back if she what's to go radio silent then she obviously a time waster I couldn't be doing that shit

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

"Judging by the conversation you posted, the ball is in her court. You’ve made the effort and she hasn’t responded. Don’t message again until she replies. No reply before the date, don’t show."

I agree. I personally would never leave anyone dangling, and I have the same mindset that if you have time to read a message, you have time to reply. If she posted on another format, she had time and chose not to.

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

Are you messaging her to often, I personally wouldn't see any need to chat everyday

For example if the date was arranged on Tuesday I wouldn't expect to have heard from you until today, possibly tomorrow to check it was still going ahead

Anymore and I'd be struggling to think of what we'd chat about on the date

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

[Removed by poster at 18/02/22 20:02:43]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My perspective, if I'm keen on someone I wouldn't be online/posting pics for them to see but not responding to their messages. It gives the impression I'm not that bothered about them...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My perspective, if I'm keen on someone I wouldn't be online/posting pics for them to see but not responding to their messages. It gives the impression I'm not that bothered about them...

Totally.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"Here is our entire conversation today:

(She posted a pic of herself this morning)

Me: Morning beautiful

Her: Morning

Me: How's you?

Several hours later:

Me: Are you excited about our date tomorrow?

A few hours later:

Me: Are you okay? Not heard from you much today

Minutes later she posts a pic of her saying she off to the gym

Still no reply and I'm not messaging her until she replies

How often have you sent multiple messages without reply before? I would say 3 without a reply comes across as needy. If you’ve done that often maybe she’s backed off a bit."

Ok, so I read the whole thread.

The multiple messages would annoy me, if I was busy with work, kids, gym, life, I'll reply when I'm ready or got time.

But, if she has changed her mind, she should just say.

If you don't hear anything tonight, I would msg in the morning and tell her as you haven't heard from her you've made other plans. Just don't be weird about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There could be an abundence of reasons really. Some of which may be she has lost interest for sure.

The only thing you have control over is you though. Don't let these questions fester and wind yourself up. Just be you and go on the date the same as you would have done if she was talking to you.

She may very well be having a rough or busy time but looking forward to your date.

If she is losing interest then there's nothing you can do about it anyway and she's just not right for you. Doesn't mean you're not as awesome as you were a few days ago.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"As I said, I won't message until she does.

Might even ignore her until tommorow, if she replies tonight.

Shall keep you posted if there are any updates haha"

Don't ignore if she replies, that's just childish and game playing.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

""I understand that if she has been busy and unable to reply, then sure. But the fact she has had time to read it and not reply?

Not even 3 minutes later, she posted a pic on "her story" that she was off to the gym.

So if she has time to post that, surely she had time to reply?""

This really annoys me too... It's like when people say "I can see you've been online" you're not owed a response in a set amount of time. You know she's going to the gym and will be busy...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As I said, I won't message until she does.

Might even ignore her until tommorow, if she replies tonight.

Shall keep you posted if there are any updates haha

Don't ignore if she replies, that's just childish and game playing."

She's been ignoring him all day.

For all she knows he could be out with mates tonight and too busy to reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here is our entire conversation today:

(She posted a pic of herself this morning)

Me: Morning beautiful

Her: Morning

Me: How's you?

Several hours later:

Me: Are you excited about our date tomorrow?

A few hours later:

Me: Are you okay? Not heard from you much today

Minutes later she posts a pic of her saying she off to the gym

Still no reply and I'm not messaging her until she replies

How often have you sent multiple messages without reply before? I would say 3 without a reply comes across as needy. If you’ve done that often maybe she’s backed off a bit.

Ok, so I read the whole thread.

The multiple messages would annoy me, if I was busy with work, kids, gym, life, I'll reply when I'm ready or got time.

But, if she has changed her mind, she should just say.

If you don't hear anything tonight, I would msg in the morning and tell her as you haven't heard from her you've made other plans. Just don't be weird about it."

I would personally leave it. I would never ghost someone but if I did then getting another notification would annoy me more. If she’s interested she will reply, if not then move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As I said, I won't message until she does.

Might even ignore her until tommorow, if she replies tonight.

Shall keep you posted if there are any updates haha

Don't ignore if she replies, that's just childish and game playing."

Exactly my thoughts. I hate silly mind games x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here is our entire conversation today:

(She posted a pic of herself this morning)

Me: Morning beautiful

Her: Morning

Me: How's you?

Several hours later:

Me: Are you excited about our date tomorrow?

A few hours later:

Me: Are you okay? Not heard from you much today

Minutes later she posts a pic of her saying she off to the gym

Still no reply and I'm not messaging her until she replies"

Don't chase her, you've messaged so she knows your wondering what's wrong, if she doesn't care enough to reply, then that's it. Leave it there , her loss

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

I've got to say, I'm way too long in the tooth fir games. No message, just stop. Leave it until she makes contact and don't dwell on it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Update: She posted another pic of her at the gym. On the treadmill.

Still no reply.

And I'm with most on here, I'm not going to message her until she does.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"Update: She posted another pic of her at the gym. On the treadmill.

Still no reply.

And I'm with most on here, I'm not going to message her until she does."

Painful, but for the best.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

You've not had a date yet and my alarm bells would be ringing, if a guy was behaving this way.

It should be light, casual and easy, until you have met a few times

She has her life and you are not a major feature in it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Update: She posted another pic of her at the gym. On the treadmill.

Still no reply.

And I'm with most on here, I'm not going to message her until she does."

Call me old fashioned but someone who posts images of themselves at the gym sounds rather like a self obsessed attention seeker.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Move on

I would say

Or just wait to see if she text tomorrow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I was excited about going on a date or planning on turning up I would be messaging you. Creatìng all this uncertainty is a bit crap on her part, you've shown you are keen and she hasnt matched that, shè has had plenty of chance to reply and put your mind at ease, even to say easy tiger if she thought you were too enthusiastic. I would bin her and find someone more compatible.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Call me old fashioned but someone who posts images of themselves at the gym sounds rather like a self obsessed attention seeker. "

Plus a pic of them waking up and a pic of them setting out for the gym

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m only saying this in a friendly way and mean no offence OP but I think it sounds like your coming across a bit heavy sending multiple messages without a reply, if she’s been busy and then seen you sent more messages she probably thinks your going to like this constantly and very needy. It’s still about first impressions at this stage and that would put me off if I’m being completely honest but I’m not her. I hope the date does happen for you though OP and you have a great time

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well the date isn't happening.

I just asked if we still on for tonight?

Her reply: I don't think so, I'm just not feeling upto anything atm.

Going through a few things x

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By *he_Last_TitanMan
over a year ago

Bristol

LvM"

I thought this. Too much conversation before the 1st date can cause the excitement to fizzle, in my experience.

Also, don’t become to obsessed or concerned - plenty of fish in the sea.

Good luck though!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Keep an open mind as there may well be a genuine reason for the lack of messages today.

However, when I am interested in someone I respond to their messages before others and look forward to seeing their replies because its exciting.

If my attention ebbs its usually a sign that my interest is dwindling.

NBVN x"

This for me too!

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By *he_Last_TitanMan
over a year ago

Bristol

"Well the date isn't happening.

I just asked if we still on for tonight?

Her reply: I don't think so, I'm just not feeling upto anything atm.

Going through a few things x"

Well, that’s fair enough; although, a bit shitty that she needed to be prompted to tell you that this late in the game, so to speak.

I would move on and put it down to experience.

Onward chap - chin up.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

"Well the date isn't happening.

I just asked if we still on for tonight?

Her reply: I don't think so, I'm just not feeling upto anything atm.

Going through a few things x"

I had one like this! I asked if we still on they said no for whatever reason can't remember! I thought to myself when was u gonna tell me? Never leave the house to meet without a confirmation on the day x

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

She might be busy with work. At least she is sending messages. However, as been mentioned, if the chat is getting less and less even down to a couple of words, she might be losing interest. Sooner you meet in person the better o/p good luck!

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By *and1009Man
over a year ago

borders

[Removed by poster at 19/02/22 17:59:10]

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

Well, that's shit. Move on bud.

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE

I don't date off of here, but when I used to, I would arrange to meet someone when my mates were out.

Then I'd either meet her or just go out with them.

Still setting time aside and getting ready. Just for different people.

If the date is poor you still can go and have a laugh after.

When they let you down (once for me) you can say "fine".

And mean it.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Just read it's not on. Sorry mate, move on and hope you get lucky next time. Try and meet sooner is the way to go.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"Well the date isn't happening.

I just asked if we still on for tonight?

Her reply: I don't think so, I'm just not feeling upto anything atm.

Going through a few things x"

Sorry to hear, but it does happen.

Could have let you know a bit earlier tho.

If the chat stops, that's generally a red flag tbh tho.

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By *iggyStarjumpsMan
over a year ago

Stockport

Sorry to hear you've been let down, especially at the last minute

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

She has and is still messaging me and has said she still wants to see me.

Just feeling deflated atm. Brother and his gf are taking me bowling to try and cheer me up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every situation is different. So I can't guess what she has in mind. But I can give some unsolicited advice.

I personally avoid chatting for a long time. I barely exchange 3 or 4 messages after which I ask to meet them for a coffee/drink. Be it good or bad, you can never judge your compatibility with a person through messaging on apps. You need to meet in person. So it's better to not waste time messaging. Meet as soon as possible. You will get to know if it works or not immediately.

Also remember that women get lot more requests than men. If you wait longer, there is a good chance that they meet someone who they like in the mean time. Many women do not like going on multiple dates with different people at the same time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She has and is still messaging me and has said she still wants to see me.

Just feeling deflated atm. Brother and his gf are taking me bowling to try and cheer me up"

Don’t let it get you down mate. Has she started messaging more enthusiastically than yesterday? If not you should just say you’re not interested.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

She isn't on here, we met from a different site. Not anything like here.

She is 20 years old. No kids.

She claims she isn't feeling good about herself. A friend of a friend upset her and now she overthonkjng everything, including her appearance.

She said she wants to meet me, just not tonight, possibly next weekend.

Now I'm only replying when she does

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Well the date isn't happening.

I just asked if we still on for tonight?

Her reply: I don't think so, I'm just not feeling upto anything atm.

Going through a few things x"

Sounds like you had a close escape. Everyone’ has to cancel or reschedule occasionally but do it early and honestly if you want a second chance. Block and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She isn't on here, we met from a different site. Not anything like here.

She is 20 years old. No kids.

She claims she isn't feeling good about herself. A friend of a friend upset her and now she overthonkjng everything, including her appearance.

She said she wants to meet me, just not tonight, possibly next weekend.

Now I'm only replying when she does"

Your call but it sounds like she’s just not that into you and that’s she’s maybe procrastinating about saying so, hoping you lose interest and move on. Don’t chase her, don’t message her unless her behaviours change towards you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my experience that's the fizzle I tend meet very quickly can't stand messaging for ages, it gets quite boring messaging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She isn't on here, we met from a different site. Not anything like here.

She is 20 years old. No kids.

She claims she isn't feeling good about herself. A friend of a friend upset her and now she overthonkjng everything, including her appearance.

She said she wants to meet me, just not tonight, possibly next weekend.

Now I'm only replying when she does"

Will she meet for a quick coffee?

She may be genuine. Easier to figure that out in person.

Hope you cheered up.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Oh she's only young... Probably doesn't know what she wants!

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By *oah VailMan
over a year ago

Dover

"Oh she's only young... Probably doesn't know what she wants! "

This. ^

I suspect there’s a very big difference in experience and world view, and it might be impossible to get over it. I’m the same age as you OP, and to be honest I can think of little worse than getting entangled with someone thirty odd years my junior.

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By *ighty_tightyMan
over a year ago

Norfolk/Suffolk

Were you chatting on SC? That would raise plenty of flags in my book lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well the date isn't happening.

I just asked if we still on for tonight?

Her reply: I don't think so, I'm just not feeling upto anything atm.

Going through a few things x"

You shouldn't have sent this text

From the time she didnt have the decency to get back to you in a timely manner you should have ignored her until she gets back to you if she does. Time is the most important thing we have, no need to waste it waiting for someone

These young girls are different from dome of the old people in this thread giving outdated advice. You know damn well she has her phone on her 24/7. The excuse she gave to you, I can guarantee you bro is just that - an excuse.

Just delete the number and move on

A girl who likes you will make things easy. If it's unclear, confusing etc then move on unless they make things easy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh she's only young... Probably doesn't know what she wants!

This. ^

OP is only 33

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

20 years old?!

No wonder she’s being flighty!

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By *oah VailMan
over a year ago

Dover

OP is only 33

Ah. My bad. I was looking at the wrong profile.

Even so, having briefly dated a 20 year old when I was 32, that’s a big gap to bridge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm due to go on a first date with someone I met online. Not from here.

We were talking regularly but closer to the date, she has gradually talked less and less.

And by that I mean she has only said morning to me today. I can see she has read my messages and hasn't replied.

Is this usual? Is she losing interest?

Or am I just reading too much into it?"

Don’t be too over powering or message too much! Just go with the flow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"20 years old?!

No wonder she’s being flighty!"

Exactly, probably common for somebody her age to have stage freight.

She’s probably very inexperienced

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well the date isn't happening.

I just asked if we still on for tonight?

Her reply: I don't think so, I'm just not feeling upto anything atm.

Going through a few things x

You shouldn't have sent this text

Just delete the number and move on

A girl who likes you will make things easy. If it's unclear, confusing etc then move on unless they make things easy"

This! If a date is planned and she decides to cancel, it's her duty to tell that she won't be able to make it. Going by the events, I am pretty sure that OP dodged a bullet.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

"Here is our entire conversation today:

(She posted a pic of herself this morning)

Me: Morning beautiful

Her: Morning

Me: How's you?

Several hours later:

Me: Are you excited about our date tomorrow?

A few hours later:

Me: Are you okay? Not heard from you much today

Minutes later she posts a pic of her saying she off to the gym

Still no reply and I'm not messaging her until she replies

How often have you sent multiple messages without reply before? I would say 3 without a reply comes across as needy. If you’ve done that often maybe she’s backed off a bit.

Ok, so I read the whole thread.

The multiple messages would annoy me, if I was busy with work, kids, gym, life, I'll reply when I'm ready or got time.

But, if she has changed her mind, she should just say.

If you don't hear anything tonight, I would msg in the morning and tell her as you haven't heard from her you've made other plans. Just don't be weird about it."

It does come across as a bit needy. The only people that get good morning messages are my children.

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

Sorry it didn't work out, OP. Plenty of fish and all that...

My advice would have been to chill out a little. Not everyone needs a "hi" every day. If you've arranged to go on a date, just go on the date! From her perspective, it might have come across a bit smothering? (And she has every right to post pictures of herself at the gym, even if that's before replying to you!).

I agree she should have said up front if she didn't want to go on the date, rather than a feeble excuse, but she is very young and maybe didn't know how to say without hurting your feelings.

You seem like a nice guy, and don't need any advice from me, but maybe dating someone a bit nearer your age will mean you have more similar approaches/outlooks. At 20, from what I can just about remember, everything is pretty flexible and casual, where a 33 yo might be more invested from the outset...? Good luck, hope you find what you're looking for!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry it didn't work out, OP. Plenty of fish and all that...

I agree she should have said up front if she didn't want to go on the date, rather than a feeble excuse, but she is very young and maybe didn't know how to say without hurting your feelings.

I’d agree with this and as mum to a twenty year old, they’re notorious for taking ages to reply and for also being wushu washy. He sometimes goes days without replying, he tells me I’m the only person he responds to promptly!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe she is a hairy arsed builder pretending to be a woman ?

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