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Stand Up for Cancer

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Choirs, comedy and all sorts going on.

Check yourselves. Men, I am sure you can find someone to check each testicle. Women, you know what to do with those boobies. Keep a look out for internal signs too.

Now, post a joke and I will donate £1 for each one that makes me laugh.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.

The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"

"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.

The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"

"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet""

I'll donate the £1 for it being the first posted. The yolk was a little soft for me.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.

The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"

"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"

I'll donate the £1 for it being the first posted. The yolk was a little soft for me."
Hey im in a bad mood....wasnt that bad!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Joke was in my sons school library book horrid Henry

Girl in class dying for toilet she ends up wettin herself

Teacher says why didn't u put your hand up

Girl I did but it dribbled through my fingers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Q: What's the difference between a magician and a stripper?

A: One has a cunning stunt.

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By *upitersmileCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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By *oantrimcpl2010Couple
over a year ago

Lisburn

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and asks his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson thinks for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and asks his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson thinks for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!""

This one made me laugh. That's another £1

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you." "

I like a monkey baby No donation for this one but thanks for posting.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Q: What's the difference between a magician and a stripper?

A: One has a cunning stunt.

"

And another £1

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Joke was in my sons school library book horrid Henry

Girl in class dying for toilet she ends up wettin herself

Teacher says why didn't u put your hand up

Girl I did but it dribbled through my fingers "

I laughed, but only because my nephew told me this one. Another £1. Thanks for posting and reminding me of this.

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By *adystephanieTV/TS
over a year ago

glos

What do you call an Alien with 3 balls..

An extra tertesticle ...

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

This joke was told to me by a 5 year old:

Q: Why does Dracula sleep in a coffin?

A: Well you wouldn't want him in your bed, would you?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

This is my nephew's favourite joke (he is 7 so hoping for the cute vote here lol)

How do you wake lady Gaga up?

Poker face

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"What do you call an Alien with 3 balls..

An extra tertesticle ..."

£1 for this one just as reminder to check for an extra testicle.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"This is my nephew's favourite joke (he is 7 so hoping for the cute vote here lol)

How do you wake lady Gaga up?

Poker face "

OK, £1

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"This joke was told to me by a 5 year old:

Q: Why does Dracula sleep in a coffin?

A: Well you wouldn't want him in your bed, would you?"

Some of us might... I have a thing for vampires.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you spot an irishman on an oil rig? He's the one throwing bread to the helicopters

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in the pub on Saturday night and I saw this fella chatting up a cheetah. Hello I thought, he's trying to pull a fast one.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"How do you spot an irishman on an oil rig? He's the one throwing bread to the helicopters "

No donation for this one. Thanks for posting.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I was in the pub on Saturday night and I saw this fella chatting up a cheetah. Hello I thought, he's trying to pull a fast one."

Groan... I expected better of you.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Nick Clegg.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Nick Clegg. "

That is a joke. Another £1.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Groan... I expected better of you."

I like all jokes involving critters

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Groan... I expected better of you.

I like all jokes involving critters"

Find a funny one then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Russian man with three testicles?

Ouja Nikabolokov

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"What do you call a Russian man with three testicles?

Ouja Nikabolokov "

What is it with the extra testicle jokes? I'll have to consider this one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How do you spot an irishman on an oil rig? He's the one throwing bread to the helicopters

No donation for this one. Thanks for posting."

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Mary had a little snatch,

A teeny - tiny hole,

Johnny couldn't quite fit in,

His massive manly pole.

He greased her up and squirmed and shoved,

And pinched her little tit,

But nothing seemed to work for him,

The damned thing wouldn't fit!

So Mary drank alot of wine,

And smoked a little grass,

And just as she was passing out,

He shoved it up her ass.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Mary had a little snatch,

A teeny - tiny hole,

Johnny couldn't quite fit in,

His massive manly pole.

He greased her up and squirmed and shoved,

And pinched her little tit,

But nothing seemed to work for him,

The damned thing wouldn't fit!

So Mary drank alot of wine,

And smoked a little grass,

And just as she was passing out,

He shoved it up her ass.

"

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

"

And old one but a classic. Another donation.

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

A bloke walks into a pub leading a horse, he says anyone makes the horse laugh ill give them £100,, bloke walks over wispers in the horses ear .. horse bursts out laughing,.. bloke gives him his money and he leads the horse out..

Next day the guy with the horse walks back into the pub and says anyone makes the horse cry ill give them £200... Same bloke from yesterday walks over leads the horse into the toilet... A minute or two later horse comes out in floods of tears .. guy gives the bloke his money and asks what did you do that made my horse laugh and cry...I gotta know..!!!

Bloke says yesterday I told him my cocky was bigger than his today I proved it...

.....

I was given a choice at birth either a massive knob or a great memory....

Can't remember what I chose...

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"A bloke walks into a pub leading a horse, he says anyone makes the horse laugh ill give them £100,, bloke walks over wispers in the horses ear .. horse bursts out laughing,.. bloke gives him his money and he leads the horse out..

Next day the guy with the horse walks back into the pub and says anyone makes the horse cry ill give them £200... Same bloke from yesterday walks over leads the horse into the toilet... A minute or two later horse comes out in floods of tears .. guy gives the bloke his money and asks what did you do that made my horse laugh and cry...I gotta know..!!!

Bloke says yesterday I told him my cocky was bigger than his today I proved it...

.....

I was given a choice at birth either a massive knob or a great memory....

Can't remember what I chose..."

And another £1 to help the testicles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Groan... I expected better of you.

I like all jokes involving critters

Find a funny one then "

RIGHT!!

A duck walks into a chemist and says "Can I have some lip gloss please?"

Chemist says "Certainly, will that be cash or cheque?"

Duck says "Put it on my bill"

£1 please.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Groan... I expected better of you.

I like all jokes involving critters

Find a funny one then

RIGHT!!

A duck walks into a chemist and says "Can I have some lip gloss please?"

Chemist says "Certainly, will that be cash or cheque?"

Duck says "Put it on my bill"

£1 please."

Ok, for persistence. Another £1 donated to save your testicles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Russian couple are walking down the main street of Moscow arguing over weather its raining or snowing, the woman is saying Its snowing the man saying its raining,

JUst then Rudolph the former kgb agent comes walking towards them, so they stop him and ask him what the official stance is, is it snowing or raining, Rudolph informs them officially it is raining

As the couple walk away the woman says I still think It's snowing, the husband replies listen love Rudolph the red knows rain deer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

WHy did the washing machine laugh?

Because it took the piss out of the knickers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Choirs, comedy and all sorts going on.

Check yourselves. Men, I am sure you can find someone to check each testicle. Women, you know what to do with those boobies. Keep a look out for internal signs too.

Now, post a joke and I will donate £1 for each one that makes me laugh."

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Because he kneaded a poo!

M

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"A Russian couple are walking down the main street of Moscow arguing over weather its raining or snowing, the woman is saying Its snowing the man saying its raining,

JUst then Rudolph the former kgb agent comes walking towards them, so they stop him and ask him what the official stance is, is it snowing or raining, Rudolph informs them officially it is raining

As the couple walk away the woman says I still think It's snowing, the husband replies listen love Rudolph the red knows rain deer"

That's my sort of joke. Long enough for me to cock up the punchline or the set up.

£1 for this and one for the washing machine too.

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By *icketysplits OP   Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Choirs, comedy and all sorts going on.

Check yourselves. Men, I am sure you can find someone to check each testicle. Women, you know what to do with those boobies. Keep a look out for internal signs too.

Now, post a joke and I will donate £1 for each one that makes me laugh.

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Because he kneaded a poo!

M

"

M, scatty jokes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am loving this thread, here's one:

what did the green grape say to the red grape ...........................??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Breathe u bugger breathe

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