FabSwingers.com forum: Overcoming Insecurities

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If you have, how did you go about it?

Do they still creep up unintentionally?

Did you overcome them on your own or with professional help? Any tips and tactics you've learnt over time to help the mental battle?

Thought as we are currently starting to go back to normal, we could help others with any insecurity that you've managed to overcome or kept at bay.

All self love tips welcome

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Self compassion is amazing (including forgiving yourself for feeling that way, and having compassion for the reasons that you feel that way). As are people who love you unconditionally who can help you rebuild yourself.

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By *utdooorsyguyMan
over a year ago

town

If you don't mind me asking, what type of insecurity is it you are looking to overcome?

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

I think we all have them at some point or another.

I just try to remember others feel just as insecure about various things and the we all just try to cope in our own ways.

And if I know someone is insecure about something, I try to prop them up and tell them not to worry. The less stress in our lives, the better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op from what I can see in your pics your absolutely beautiful

Also posted this before but will post again

As it’s help me so much

Unknown Brian perfect 10

Yeah, I've discussed it with myself

And I'm disgusted with the way

We are told to have a certain face

A certain weight, be flawless

We aren't pixels on a screen

No, we're humans, we breathe

Every single thing we see, curated

It's overrated

These expectations, they keep weighing me down

My heart is begging me to get the hell out of my head

I'm gonna live inside the upside down

For a minute and pretend

Honey, I'm a perfect 10

(Woah)

Honey, I'm a perfect 10

(Woah)

And if I say it enough

It gets engrained in my head

And I start to think

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AEVaK0e1kTE

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Audre Lorde:

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

I have panic attacks in unexpected places, or unexpected time. My only tip is to concentrating on your breathing. Notice the in and the out and slow it down. That moment of self care sees me through most of the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm still tackling them one little step at a time. An understanding friend helps a lot and knows what buttons and how hard to press to help

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Self compassion is amazing (including forgiving yourself for feeling that way, and having compassion for the reasons that you feel that way). As are people who love you unconditionally who can help you rebuild yourself."

I've honestly never heard of self compassion and that makes a lot of sense to be a starting point of helping yourself!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you don't mind me asking, what type of insecurity is it you are looking to overcome?

Not mine per say, I see a lot of insecurities within comments on here. And I thought it might be helpful to pass around helpful tips we may have learnt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I still battle occasionally but it gets better.

You spend long enough in a toxic relationship, it leaves it's mark on you.

Every so often, my doubts come creeping back in and I react badly. I've tried not to but it's there in my subconscious.

Hopefully one day I'll have the confidence to say I am what I am and mean it

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By *utdooorsyguyMan
over a year ago

town

Ah I see, sorry I misinterpreted the post!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They say picture everyone in their underwear...this didn't help me at all the first time in a swinging club!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ah I see, sorry I misinterpreted the post!!!

Me too I think.

Time, and supportive people around you. That helps me when I doubt myself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ah I see, sorry I misinterpreted the post!!!

Me too I think.

Time, and supportive people around you. That helps me when I doubt myself. "

Ah I apologise! I think I rambled.

But it wasn't to just help me, wanted to help anyone that may be wondering how to build themselves up.

But also me included! I haven't found anything to personally help as of yet.

Sorry again x

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By *utdooorsyguyMan
over a year ago

town

I think there have been a couple of posts that have said the same thing.

But learn to love your self, we are always our own wrist critics and see it selves as less than we actually are.

Some thing that had always resonated with me is the line "how do you expect some one else to love you if you don't love your self" it takes time to be happy and we, ourselves, are not perfect but no one, literally no one is . Although very one will be perfect in some one else's eyes, all shapes and sizes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Op from what I can see in your pics your absolutely beautiful

Also posted this before but will post again

As it’s help me so much

Unknown Brian perfect 10

Yeah, I've discussed it with myself

And I'm disgusted with the way

We are told to have a certain face

A certain weight, be flawless

We aren't pixels on a screen

No, we're humans, we breathe

Every single thing we see, curated

It's overrated

These expectations, they keep weighing me down

My heart is begging me to get the hell out of my head

I'm gonna live inside the upside down

For a minute and pretend

Honey, I'm a perfect 10

(Woah)

Honey, I'm a perfect 10

(Woah)

And if I say it enough

It gets engrained in my head

And I start to think

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AEVaK0e1kTE"

Aw I love this!!!

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

I used to be big into self help books and courses. I was very shy before. Less so now but still get nerves in New situations.

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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Got rid of pretty much all of them by my late 20s and have subsequently managed to get most of them back.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Audre Lorde:

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

I agree with this, the breathing technique seems so basic but is the most powerful!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ah I see, sorry I misinterpreted the post!!!

Me too I think.

Time, and supportive people around you. That helps me when I doubt myself.

Ah I apologise! I think I rambled.

But it wasn't to just help me, wanted to help anyone that may be wondering how to build themselves up.

But also me included! I haven't found anything to personally help as of yet.

Sorry again x "

No need to apologise at all. I have a habit of speed reading and missing the point of a thread

I found meditation a great way of self help when I was feeling at my lowest. I could escape any negative thoughts and just concentrate on my immediate surroundings. It really helped. Felt strange at first but once I got into how it's done, it was amazing.

Really recommend it

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

https://youtu.be/MIOgsJftyx8

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Serious answer though - 2 big things for me would be worrying less about what other people think and not trying to keep other people happy above yourself.

The other thing is to put yourself out of your comfort zone now and again - this will no doubt make your stomach flip thinking about it, but the sense of achievement afterwards will open new doors.

Easier said than done I know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the key thing is to remember you are not in competition with anyone else ... this resonated with me when i read it :

'People need other people in their lives who think they are a big deal. No competition, no backhanded compliments, no jealousy, no hate.. Just "i love you, you are enough, i support you and there is noone else on Earth like you" ...'

it is beautiful

Work on your inner happiness and contentment and work on building your resilience... Remember you are unique.. Celebrate yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op from what I can see in your pics your absolutely beautiful

Also posted this before but will post again

As it’s help me so much

Unknown Brian perfect 10

Yeah, I've discussed it with myself

And I'm disgusted with the way

We are told to have a certain face

A certain weight, be flawless

We aren't pixels on a screen

No, we're humans, we breathe

Every single thing we see, curated

It's overrated

These expectations, they keep weighing me down

My heart is begging me to get the hell out of my head

I'm gonna live inside the upside down

For a minute and pretend

Honey, I'm a perfect 10

(Woah)

Honey, I'm a perfect 10

(Woah)

And if I say it enough

It gets engrained in my head

And I start to think

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AEVaK0e1kTE

Aw I love this!!!

Your welcome op

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I used to be big into self help books and courses. I was very shy before. Less so now but still get nerves in New situations. "

Any you can think of that you found most helpful?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Got rid of pretty much all of them by my late 20s and have subsequently managed to get most of them back."

Ow I'm sorry to hear that

did you find a way to rid them previously, that could help you now?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The older I get, the less of a shit I give! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suffer with self confidence issues but slowly it’s coming back to me, however it doesn’t affect me professionally.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

The Chimp Paradox is worth a read.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ah I see, sorry I misinterpreted the post!!!

Me too I think.

Time, and supportive people around you. That helps me when I doubt myself.

Ah I apologise! I think I rambled.

But it wasn't to just help me, wanted to help anyone that may be wondering how to build themselves up.

But also me included! I haven't found anything to personally help as of yet.

Sorry again x

No need to apologise at all. I have a habit of speed reading and missing the point of a thread

Really recommend it

Oooh actually a previous manager I had suggested an app to me once, I wish I remembered what it was called!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Ah I see, sorry I misinterpreted the post!!!

Me too I think.

Time, and supportive people around you. That helps me when I doubt myself.

Ah I apologise! I think I rambled.

But it wasn't to just help me, wanted to help anyone that may be wondering how to build themselves up.

But also me included! I haven't found anything to personally help as of yet.

Sorry again x

No need to apologise at all. I have a habit of speed reading and missing the point of a thread

Really recommend it

Oooh actually a previous manager I had suggested an app to me once, I wish I remembered what it was called! "

Calm?

The UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center have guided meditations you can download too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ah I see, sorry I misinterpreted the post!!!

Me too I think.

Time, and supportive people around you. That helps me when I doubt myself.

Ah I apologise! I think I rambled.

But it wasn't to just help me, wanted to help anyone that may be wondering how to build themselves up.

But also me included! I haven't found anything to personally help as of yet.

Sorry again x

No need to apologise at all. I have a habit of speed reading and missing the point of a thread

Really recommend it

Oooh actually a previous manager I had suggested an app to me once, I wish I remembered what it was called! "

I'd recommend Jason Stephenson's guided meditations on you tubey thingy. He does specific ones for building confidence and lots of other subjects.

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

"Ah I see, sorry I misinterpreted the post!!!

Me too I think.

Time, and supportive people around you. That helps me when I doubt myself.

Ah I apologise! I think I rambled.

But it wasn't to just help me, wanted to help anyone that may be wondering how to build themselves up.

But also me included! I haven't found anything to personally help as of yet.

Sorry again x

No need to apologise at all. I have a habit of speed reading and missing the point of a thread

Really recommend it

Oooh actually a previous manager I had suggested an app to me once, I wish I remembered what it was called! "

Was it Headspace?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ah I see, sorry I misinterpreted the post!!!

Me too I think.

Time, and supportive people around you. That helps me when I doubt myself.

Ah I apologise! I think I rambled.

But it wasn't to just help me, wanted to help anyone that may be wondering how to build themselves up.

But also me included! I haven't found anything to personally help as of yet.

Sorry again x

No need to apologise at all. I have a habit of speed reading and missing the point of a thread

Really recommend it

Oooh actually a previous manager I had suggested an app to me once, I wish I remembered what it was called!

Was it Headspace?"

Yes I think that's the one!! I'm going to try

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

"Ah I see, sorry I misinterpreted the post!!!

Me too I think.

Time, and supportive people around you. That helps me when I doubt myself.

Ah I apologise! I think I rambled.

But it wasn't to just help me, wanted to help anyone that may be wondering how to build themselves up.

But also me included! I haven't found anything to personally help as of yet.

Sorry again x

No need to apologise at all. I have a habit of speed reading and missing the point of a thread

Really recommend it

Oooh actually a previous manager I had suggested an app to me once, I wish I remembered what it was called!

Was it Headspace?

Yes I think that's the one!! I'm going to try "

There is a limited free version or a pay per month one. I have used it after a shite day at work.

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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin

I'm always very honest with myself, which o think helps. Ive learnt to enjoy the aspects of me that I like and I'm proud of while also learning to be concious of the negatives and to try and improve them without setting too much expectations.

One of the key factors is learning to accept what your natural personal is while trying to self-improve within that structure. I don't want to be massively different person and that to me is the most important part I've learnt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some of my insecurities are the first thing people compliment about me at times so it made me realise it’s just me being too hard on my self. You come to realise everyone out there thinks about them self too much to even care about what others so taking that into consideration no ones actually looking at me so I just go out and not care

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think during my youth i was very insecure with myself - as most kids probably are - but you learn to lean on your stengths. nobody is perfect.

just be yourself and accept who you are. im a hairy chubby fucker.. wouldn't want to be and couldn't be bothered being anything else!

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"I used to be big into self help books and courses. I was very shy before. Less so now but still get nerves in New situations.

Any you can think of that you found most helpful?"

Paul McKenna I liked. I used to listen to his guided hyp. Tony Robbins always got me pumped and positive. Neil Strauss.

And a few questionable characters off the internet!

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By *ookie_and_NookieCouple
over a year ago

Kent

I was quite a confident child but had a difficult time as a teen which knocked me right down. I’ve suffered badly with low self esteem and awful thoughts about myself for years. The husband makes me feel like an absolute goddess but my own brain seems to hate me some times. When I turned 30 I decided I wanted to actually do more with my life so I would leave with memories and not dreams so I started living more and trying to worry less. I’m now 36 and realised last year that I was still struggling with issues around my appearance. I started going to the gym and lost two stone which has given me so much more confidence in myself, I’ve also had a few tattoos done and I’ve bought new clothes in styles and colours I would never have worn before. I finally feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in years. I still have off days but I make time for myself now, whether it’s going to the gym, reading a book, listening to music, having a cuppa and watching some TV or building some Lego, I try to put a small amount of time aside every day that’s just for me to step away from everything else and do what I want to do. It helps with my mental well being and destresses me. I’m a work in progress but my increased confidence has helped other aspects of my life too - I’m better at my job, feel more comfortable talking to people, friendships have flourished and my marriage is better than ever too.

C x

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By *m3232Man
over a year ago

maidenhead

I don’t have any. My mental approach is I am who I am and I look like I like look. Some will like me and some won’t and I don’t need approval from anyone.

Most should take that approach as no I think the wold will be a happier place.

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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago

Stirling

I just posted this on another thread - but feel it fits in here too so I’m reposting for anyone who may need to hear this or it resonates with them

Fab to me is like school, you go through many phases, one day your feel popular the next some new people arrive and there popular, some of them play nice in the playground and some are just nasty, some excel in certain areas and not some much in others, some like big social events others are more introverted, some are big characters and others bubble away under the assumed surface, there’s jealously and bitterness and there’s the happy go lucky types too.

After you’ve been there a while you realise who to avoid, who are your true friends and whether or not that boy you have a crush on is worth the hassle…in the interim you muddle through, you notice those worth noticing and you realise that you shouldn’t have given as many fucks, you realise that you are worth way more than a ‘kiss/fuck/pass’ response or a ‘lovely tits’ on TOT thread

My advice before entering the fab school is to be yourself, take things with a pinch of salt and buckle up for the ride! If you ain’t enjoying yourself, press the eject button and take a step back, fab grades mean nothing really

Love yourself first xx

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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Got rid of pretty much all of them by my late 20s and have subsequently managed to get most of them back.

Ow I'm sorry to hear that

did you find a way to rid them previously, that could help you now? "

Martial arts and the gym, but neither hold sufficient appeal for me now to go back to them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm constantly feeling invisible and ignored in life and deep do I know its not the case but in my head I reconcile that if I am, well then that allows me to go and do my own thing which I do. The focus is on what you want and how are you going to get it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just posted this on another thread - but feel it fits in here too so I’m reposting for anyone who may need to hear this or it resonates with them

Love yourself first xx"

Love this!

Need to take a few pointers from this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've got a mole on my face under my nose, i've had it since I was little, I was told that if I had it removed it would leave a bigger scar so its just been left to do its thing. Its not huge but I can't hide it and forget that most people might focus on it (the Austin Powers movie pops up in my head with the whole "MOLE MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY" the kids I was at school with used to point and quote it)

I hate it and airbrush it out of photos but then panic im catfishing people. I've even attempted to lob it off myself as a kid but that made it so much worse and it bleed like a bitch for hours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get anxious in groups but deal with it in my own way....generally acting the fool to mask my awkwardness. And constantly worrying that I'm saying the wrong thing and potentially offending someone. The latter is my worst one I'd say

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By *utdooorsyguyMan
over a year ago

town

[Removed by poster at 17/02/22 00:12:40]

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By *utdooorsyguyMan
over a year ago

town

"I've got a mole on my face under my nose, i've had it since I was little, I was told that if I had it removed it would leave a bigger scar so its just been left to do its thing. Its not huge but I can't hide it and forget that most people might focus on it (the Austin Powers movie pops up in my head with the whole "MOLE MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY" the kids I was at school with used to point and quote it)

I hate it and airbrush it out of photos but then panic im catfishing people. I've even attempted to lob it off myself as a kid but that made it so much worse and it bleed like a bitch for hours. "

Well from what I can see from your photos you look absolutely stunning.

Don't feel the need to change your appearance so people find you attractive, find people that find you attractive for who you are xx

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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

"If you have, how did you go about it?

Do they still creep up unintentionally?

Did you overcome them on your own or with professional help? Any tips and tactics you've learnt over time to help the mental battle?

Thought as we are currently starting to go back to normal, we could help others with any insecurity that you've managed to overcome or kept at bay.

All self love tips welcome

I've reached an age where my body is beginning to age at a rate I am unhappy with, but I am also at an age where I care less what other people think of me!

Other people don't seem to see the things I am most self conscious about, and my attitude is that I have a certain appeal because I'm not self conscious!

Sexy is 100% a state of mind- if you feel it, you exude it & it's attractive & infectious!!

Please try not to focus on self doubt- I promise you that the only one looking at you through a microscope is you!!

Life is a terminal illness- enjoy what you have while you have it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you have, how did you go about it?

Do they still creep up unintentionally?

Did you overcome them on your own or with professional help? Any tips and tactics you've learnt over time to help the mental battle?

Thought as we are currently starting to go back to normal, we could help others with any insecurity that you've managed to overcome or kept at bay.

All self love tips welcome

I've reached an age where my body is beginning to age at a rate I am unhappy with, but I am also at an age where I care less what other people think of me!

Other people don't seem to see the things I am most self conscious about, and my attitude is that I have a certain appeal because I'm not self conscious!

Sexy is 100% a state of mind- if you feel it, you exude it & it's attractive & infectious!!

Please try not to focus on self doubt- I promise you that the only one looking at you through a microscope is you!!

Life is a terminal illness- enjoy what you have while you have it

Never seen "Life is a terminal illness" followed by a smiley face before

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you have, how did you go about it?

Do they still creep up unintentionally?

Did you overcome them on your own or with professional help? Any tips and tactics you've learnt over time to help the mental battle?

Thought as we are currently starting to go back to normal, we could help others with any insecurity that you've managed to overcome or kept at bay. "

All self love tips welcome

yourself

STOP!!

Calm your brain and STOP!!

Simple solution maybe but it's effective. centre yourself - believe in yourself!;

Constant process is to stop worrying about what others think - it really is irrelevant on so many levels!

Breath and be aware of your breathing

So much zen and yoga training will help. Ultimately though the only person that will drag you up is yourself.

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By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

"If you have, how did you go about it?

Do they still creep up unintentionally?

Did you overcome them on your own or with professional help? Any tips and tactics you've learnt over time to help the mental battle?

Thought as we are currently starting to go back to normal, we could help others with any insecurity that you've managed to overcome or kept at bay.

All self love tips welcome

I've reached an age where my body is beginning to age at a rate I am unhappy with, but I am also at an age where I care less what other people think of me!

Other people don't seem to see the things I am most self conscious about, and my attitude is that I have a certain appeal because I'm not self conscious!

Sexy is 100% a state of mind- if you feel it, you exude it & it's attractive & infectious!!

Please try not to focus on self doubt- I promise you that the only one looking at you through a microscope is you!!

Life is a terminal illness- enjoy what you have while you have it

Never seen "Life is a terminal illness" followed by a smiley face before

It's true though!

None of us are getting outta here Alive, so we may as well throw caution & inhibitions to the wind, say fuck it & have fun!!

Nobody will be more critical of you than you are of yourself & that's a shame.

We need to enjoy life & be grateful that we're still here ?

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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago

A world all of his own

"If you have, how did you go about it?

Do they still creep up unintentionally?

Did you overcome them on your own or with professional help? Any tips and tactics you've learnt over time to help the mental battle?

Thought as we are currently starting to go back to normal, we could help others with any insecurity that you've managed to overcome or kept at bay.

All self love tips welcome

Having insecurities is pretty much normal, it's how others "deal" with them that's the issue. If they help you with them, help you to overcome them and accept you with them, then that's great. However, some will just exploit them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you have, how did you go about it?

Do they still creep up unintentionally?

Did you overcome them on your own or with professional help? Any tips and tactics you've learnt over time to help the mental battle?

Thought as we are currently starting to go back to normal, we could help others with any insecurity that you've managed to overcome or kept at bay.

All self love tips welcome

I've reached an age where my body is beginning to age at a rate I am unhappy with, but I am also at an age where I care less what other people think of me!

Other people don't seem to see the things I am most self conscious about, and my attitude is that I have a certain appeal because I'm not self conscious!

Sexy is 100% a state of mind- if you feel it, you exude it & it's attractive & infectious!!

Please try not to focus on self doubt- I promise you that the only one looking at you through a microscope is you!!

Life is a terminal illness- enjoy what you have while you have it

Never seen "Life is a terminal illness" followed by a smiley face before

It's true though!

None of us are getting outta here Alive, so we may as well throw caution & inhibitions to the wind, say fuck it & have fun!!

Nobody will be more critical of you than you are of yourself & that's a shame.

We need to enjoy life & be grateful that we're still here ?"

Love this!

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