FabSwingers.com forum: Let's pretend we all work in a fab office

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

And it's the first day back after a two week break due to an office refurb.

Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff.

Write a brief 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that's work orientated but has a naughty kinky meaning.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Janet your I found your earring in the men's urinal again?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Johnny,

Can you please stop leaving cream on the loo seat at lunchtime.

Kind regards,

Cheeky

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Dear Ms PW,

I'm sorry to raise this on your first day back in the office, but you are invited to a disciplinary in my office at 2pm this afternoon. According to the HR handbook, you are entitled to bring a colleague to attend with you, and you may also choose a suitable instrument to be disciplined with.

Kind regards,

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

Whoever used the photocopier last, please make sure you take all the photographs of your bum away with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good afternoon Cheeky,

I noted that the photocopier is out of paper again, and also the paper recycling is full of pictures of your ass cheeks. As previously noted on your performance report, you should really refrain from recycling sensitive information in the bins and should use the shredder instead,

Regards,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whoever used the photocopier last, please make sure you take all the photographs of your bum away with you."

Damn, great minds…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good afternoon Cheeky,

Regards,

DM"

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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Dear Sandra,

Please make your personal equipment available this afternoon, as we need to perform some specific penetration testing.

Best regards,

Information Security Team

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whoever used the photocopier last, please make sure you take all the photographs of your bum away with you."

Noted

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By *ixen-XWoman
over a year ago

Unicornville Utopia And Lovin It X

It's called hot desking NOT hotwifing

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By *parrow77Man
over a year ago

cheshire

Hi grealish great see your back and always so naughty an cheeky

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By *parrow77Man
over a year ago

cheshire

Can people please close fridge door as keeping cool making nipples hard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Colleagues

All the pencils stink of ass… and it’s kind of gross, so please refrain using your asses as a pencil sharpeners. Because they are not

Thank you!

Miss K

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"Whoever used the photocopier last, please make sure you take all the photographs of your bum away with you.

Damn, great minds…"

this is some office

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP.

We've all been back since last week. So happy that you finally decided to come back to work.

You're fired.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Dear all, please stop trying to force a floppy in your computer. They no longer take them as all drives are now hard.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Ms PW,

Kind regards,

IS "

Dear Sir

I can confirm my attendance for a disciplinary at 2pm. Please instruct me on any tasks that may be required before, during or after said disciplinary. I will give some thought to the option of a colleague but feel at this it is not necessary. I also feel the instrument used for the disciplinary would be best decided by yourself. I wait with great anticipation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy - need to slow down lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/02/22 18:41:31]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ll be the photocopier

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Ms PW,

Kind regards,

IS "

Dear Ms. PW,

I am available to attend your disciplinary as your support. In order to ensure the instruments meet standards required, I suggest you test them on me first. I will then be assured that your discipline is dispensed in a befitting manner as I observe quietly.

With kindest regards,

Sharedow

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Ms PW,

Kind regards,

Dear Sir

PW "

Dear Ms PW,

Thank you for confirming your attendance. A third party is not necessary unless the disciplinary needs to be filmed.

Upon entering my office, I will require you to place your hands on the end of my desk, bending over, with your legs slightly more than hip width apart. Once the position has been assumed, I will begin the disciplinary, working up from bare hands.

This disciplinary will also serve as your performance assessment.

Kind regards,

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By *ickshawedCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Dear Mr Mouse

You have yet again failed to come to work correctly garbed.

You are due in my office at 2 for knot tying lessons. I have a large supply of ties for you to practice with.

Please arrive on time before I get all tied up.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

Please don't staple your naughty photos on the union notice board, please use fab instead.

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

This is the Head of Security,

I’ve just been checking over the CCTV & can confirm you are all a bunch of dirty fuckers!

Now get back to work before I report you to HR

J x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear fellow colleagues

Hope you’ve all recovered from our little “ get together “ I do have some items of clothing in the boot of my car if your missing any please see me Individually.

Welcome back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ATTN ALL STAFF

The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.

Beryl (Accounts)

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"ATTN ALL STAFF

The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.

Beryl (Accounts)"

Dear Beryl

Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.

Tom (logistics)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ATTN ALL STAFF

The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.

Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.

Tom (logistics)"

ATTN TOM (LOGISTICS)

Please be advised that Accounts only have the budget for doors without locks. I hope these will meet everyone's needs.

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"ATTN ALL STAFF

The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.

Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.

Tom (logistics)

ATTN TOM (LOGISTICS)

Please be advised that Accounts only have the budget for doors without locks. I hope these will meet everyone's needs.

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)"

Dear Beryl

Locks not essential, as we'll be standing upright against the door. Full length would be better, as we don't want the cleaners peeking whilst we'll busy.

Yours, Tom (logistics)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ATTN ALL STAFF

The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.

Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.

Tom (logistics)

ATTN TOM (LOGISTICS)

Please be advised that Accounts only have the budget for doors without locks. I hope these will meet everyone's needs.

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

Locks not essential, as we'll be standing upright against the door. Full length would be better, as we don't want the cleaners peeking whilst we'll busy.

Yours, Tom (logistics)"

Dear TOM (LOGISTICS)

The cleaners aren't paid enough to not peek. I'm sure they will be discreet. You and your friend will just have make do, I'm afraid.

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Dear All

Can I remind all staff that the abbreviation required in emails is FAO. Not FAF as some of you seem to be incorrectly entering, Mr Johnson is getting quite upset with your spelling inability.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Whoever used the photocopier last, please make sure you take all the photographs of your bum away with you."

and wipe the brown streaks of the glass window, ta very much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's called hot desking NOT hotwifing

Oops

NBVN x

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"ATTN ALL STAFF

The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.

Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.

Tom (logistics)

ATTN TOM (LOGISTICS)

Please be advised that Accounts only have the budget for doors without locks. I hope these will meet everyone's needs.

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

Locks not essential, as we'll be standing upright against the door. Full length would be better, as we don't want the cleaners peeking whilst we'll busy.

Yours, Tom (logistics)

Dear TOM (LOGISTICS)

The cleaners aren't paid enough to not peek. I'm sure they will be discreet. You and your friend will just have make do, I'm afraid.

Yours, Beryl (Accounts) "

Dear Beryl

I noticed your sexy stocking today. I've had a secret crush on you for years. Please will you authorise the doors, and join me behind one?

Here's hoping, Tom (logistics)

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"Whoever used the photocopier last, please make sure you take all the photographs of your bum away with you.

and wipe the brown streaks of the glass window, ta very much

Those covid wipes and hand gels will come in useful (stores).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Sir,

Please let me know when you're ready for me to perform dictation

Kind regards,

Bella

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear all..

Please remember that the office chairs are for sitting on and nothing else the stains are a nightmare to clean out.

Cleansing Dept

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"Dear Sir,

Please let me know when you're ready for me to perform dictation

Kind regards,

Bella "

Bella

1715, my office and prepare to be late home. I will require you to bring your special equipment with you.

Boss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ATTN ALL STAFF

The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.

Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.

Tom (logistics)

ATTN TOM (LOGISTICS)

Please be advised that Accounts only have the budget for doors without locks. I hope these will meet everyone's needs.

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

Locks not essential, as we'll be standing upright against the door. Full length would be better, as we don't want the cleaners peeking whilst we'll busy.

Yours, Tom (logistics)

Dear TOM (LOGISTICS)

The cleaners aren't paid enough to not peek. I'm sure they will be discreet. You and your friend will just have make do, I'm afraid.

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

I noticed your sexy stocking today. I've had a secret crush on you for years. Please will you authorise the doors, and join me behind one?

Here's hoping, Tom (logistics)"

Dear Tom (Logistics)

Oh my

. I have seen you upstanding more than once and admired your...posture.

How very exciting!

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)

PS Shania (one of the Cleaners) will be thrilled!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ATTN ALL STAFF

The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.

Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.

Tom (logistics)

ATTN TOM (LOGISTICS)

Please be advised that Accounts only have the budget for doors without locks. I hope these will meet everyone's needs.

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

Locks not essential, as we'll be standing upright against the door. Full length would be better, as we don't want the cleaners peeking whilst we'll busy.

Yours, Tom (logistics)

Dear TOM (LOGISTICS)

The cleaners aren't paid enough to not peek. I'm sure they will be discreet. You and your friend will just have make do, I'm afraid.

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

I noticed your sexy stocking today. I've had a secret crush on you for years. Please will you authorise the doors, and join me behind one?

Here's hoping, Tom (logistics)

Dear Tom (Logistics)

Oh my

. I have seen you upstanding more than once and admired your...posture.

How very exciting!

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)

PS Shania (one of the Cleaners) will be thrilled! "

Dear Tom and Beryl,

Please remember to leave room for others to join you in your cubicle.. if they so wish..

Cleansing Management

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Bella

Can you please come to my office IMMEDIATELY !!!

Kind regards

Jack

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"ATTN ALL STAFF

The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.

Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.

Tom (logistics)

ATTN TOM (LOGISTICS)

Please be advised that Accounts only have the budget for doors without locks. I hope these will meet everyone's needs.

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

Locks not essential, as we'll be standing upright against the door. Full length would be better, as we don't want the cleaners peeking whilst we'll busy.

Yours, Tom (logistics)

Dear TOM (LOGISTICS)

The cleaners aren't paid enough to not peek. I'm sure they will be discreet. You and your friend will just have make do, I'm afraid.

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

I noticed your sexy stocking today. I've had a secret crush on you for years. Please will you authorise the doors, and join me behind one?

Here's hoping, Tom (logistics)

Dear Tom (Logistics)

Oh my

. I have seen you upstanding more than once and admired your...posture.

How very exciting!

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)

PS Shania (one of the Cleaners) will be thrilled! "

Dear Beryl

I'm in trap 2. Come now. Bring Shania if you wish. It'll be tight, but I think we'll manage.

Tom (logistics)

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"ATTN ALL STAFF

The cleaners have asked me to mention that the toilet cubicles are for ONE person only.

Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

Please can accounts pay for some cubicle doors so that those of us in pairs can enjoy some privacy.

Tom (logistics)

ATTN TOM (LOGISTICS)

Please be advised that Accounts only have the budget for doors without locks. I hope these will meet everyone's needs.

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

Locks not essential, as we'll be standing upright against the door. Full length would be better, as we don't want the cleaners peeking whilst we'll busy.

Yours, Tom (logistics)

Dear TOM (LOGISTICS)

The cleaners aren't paid enough to not peek. I'm sure they will be discreet. You and your friend will just have make do, I'm afraid.

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)

Dear Beryl

I noticed your sexy stocking today. I've had a secret crush on you for years. Please will you authorise the doors, and join me behind one?

Here's hoping, Tom (logistics)

Dear Tom (Logistics)

Oh my

. I have seen you upstanding more than once and admired your...posture.

How very exciting!

Yours, Beryl (Accounts)

PS Shania (one of the Cleaners) will be thrilled!

Dear Tom and Beryl,

Please remember to leave room for others to join you in your cubicle.. if they so wish..

Cleansing Management "

To all cleansing staff

Tom and Beryl would like to invite you to an office orgy. Please don't bring the bleach in to the toilets, as it smarts my eyes.

Tom (logistics)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

FAO Shania (Cleaning)

Now! Now! Cubicle 2. He's there!

Bring the rope

Kisses, Beryl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"FAO Shania (Cleaning)

Now! Now! Cubicle 2. He's there!

Bring the rope

Kisses, Beryl"

PS bring ALL the rope!

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"FAO Shania (Cleaning)

Now! Now! Cubicle 2. He's there!

Bring the rope

Kisses, Beryl

PS bring ALL the rope!"

Oh Beryl....you minx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry couldn’t come in to work today been on iv antibiotics and saline drip another bloody covid infection

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Memo to all, left in kitchen.

"To the person(s) who left the 12 inch rubber dong please remember to take out the batteries before loading it in the dishhwasher, as it's left a nasty stain all over the crockery below."

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By *assing Fancies xCouple
over a year ago

Sherwood Forest

Memo to all....

Anyone up for a all you can eat lunch?

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"Memo to all....

Anyone up for a all you can eat lunch?

You bring the lunch, we'll bring the munch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi all

After work drinks arranged for this Friday, meet at Chams.

Don't forget it's dress down Friday this week

See you there,

Bella

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"Hi all

After work drinks arranged for this Friday, meet at Chams.

Don't forget it's dress down Friday this week

See you there,

Bella "

I'll arrange childcare!

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Cheesey chips at Chams? The Milky bars are on me!

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By *ustamanMan
over a year ago

weymouth

To purchasing dept,

All these nipples and cocks you've bought are the wrong size, please check with maintenance before sourcing more.

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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago

Stirling

Dear all,

I’ll be interviewing for the new position in room 2 this afternoon, strictly closed door policy..I could use a couple of helpers there’s a lot to get through

Regards

D xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To all maintenance team,

Could you please pop into the boardroom this afternoon, 4pm please.

I need to check you're polishing your tools correctly.

Cheers chaps

Bella

ToolsRus

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By *ustamanMan
over a year ago

weymouth

"To all maintenance team,

Could you please pop into the boardroom this afternoon, 4pm please.

I need to check you're polishing your tools correctly.

Cheers chaps

Bella

ToolsRus"

Maintenance will be there with tools on display, Jimmy might struggle with the 6' one though

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Dear Malcom

Your flies are undone and you’re on mute!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

FAO All staff

Accounts will be closed this afternoon for an internal event. Could Tom from Logistics and Shania and her bosomy friend from Cleaning please report to Accounts at 2pm.

Yours, Beryl

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Hi all sorry to bother everyone.

But to the person who decided to use my carrots sticks that were in the staff fridge in an intimate way, please replace them, as mine now taste a bit weird.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear team,

Welcome back. Unfortunately we are experiencing problems with the heating system and it is stuck on full blast. Please feel free to undress accordingly.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"FAO All staff

Accounts will be closed this afternoon for an internal event. Could Tom from Logistics and Shania and her bosomy friend from Cleaning please report to Accounts at 2pm.

Yours, Beryl"

Dear Beryl and Shania

Please bring appropriate safety equipment for our meeting. High heels, stockings, revealing bras and pants ARE acceptable.

Tom (logistics)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All.

Please note the bulldog clips in the stationary cupboard are not to be used as temporary nipple clamps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To HR, sorry I didnt make it to our interview yet, I got a little tied up in a meeting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Sandra, I'm trying to give up sexual innuendos, as per the new HR policy, but its so very hard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

General notice

Please ensure appropriate safety equipment is used at all times.

For those unaware of where to acquire required rubberised/latex overcoats report to my office.

You go without this safety equipment at your own risk.

D. U. Rex

Health and safety officer.

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By *aughty but nice...Man
over a year ago

Staffs

Can colleagues please refrain from leaving dirty dishes in the canteen sink

Yours sincerely

Mr D Smith

CEO

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

Dear colleagues,

As you the company is experiencing some financial difficulties at present.

The SMT have decided to implement some cost saving measures. From 9am tomorrow morning we will cut of the water supply to the lavatories and ask that you use both sides of the toilet tissue.

Regards

The Health and Wellbeing team.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To all employees... A quick reminder that it is Julie's last day on Friday and we'll be having drinks later to say goodbye.. Lets make sure we all give her one to remember!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In accordance with company guidelines standard chairs in the office should only be used by one person at a time.

It has been noted that this has not always been the case with in our office.

If you require a chair with extra support to allow for dual simultaneous use please contact on site maintenance and/or acquisitions.

Human Resources

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To all colleagues:

It has been noted of late that there has been a spate of colleagues taking time off with Repetitive Strain Injuries, including wrist pains and finger cramp from rapid double mouse clicking.

If you find you are starting to become sore feel free to ask another colleague to assist you, and I am quite sure they’ll give you a hand.

The personal department

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Memo to all.

There is a Karcher window vac for those who seem to leave puddles under their chairs, when working overtime. Please get familiar with the vac's location, in the canteen and be a sweetie by emptying it out ASAP.

Love and kisses,

The Cleaners.

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By *ickJMan
over a year ago

Hemel Hempstead

DearMs PW,

As your union representative, I've been informed by HR thatyou have a disciplinary interview scheduled with them. In the interest of transparancy, it's recommended that I attend to ensure that any discipline is administered in a fair and just way.

In order to keep a record of the meeting, for quality and training purposes, I shall be videoing proceedings (in ultra HD).

I hope this meets with your approval.

NickJ

Union Rep.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I may as well do….I spend more time in work on Fabs than I do actually working

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