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Asking a work colleague to change subject

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I've started work in an office environment, working with women.

The conversations they have are awful., today's subject being a documentary about a baby murderer in graphic detail...

Is it best to just ride out the conversation. And mentally block hearing what they say?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

They don't know I'm an ex medic that left me with bad memories so to speak.

I don't want anyone there to know about

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By *inx.x3Woman
over a year ago

Bath

Could You get up and go and make a cup of tea/coffee?

Hopefully the convo would of changed once you get back..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could have a quite word as it isn't appropriate professional conversation.

People have lost children in similar ways and it could be upsetting.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Could You get up and go and make a cup of tea/coffee?

Hopefully the convo would of changed once you get back.."

Yeah thanks I'll be ready next time

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/02/22 19:57:27]

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By *ightkitty4uWoman
over a year ago

Epsom

I hate office talk, where I worked before they used to talk about all the car crash tv shows,lucky I could just pop my headphones in and blurnt them out

Can you move yourself away? make tea? go off do a task elsewhere or hide in the loo? or if you are lucky enough plug in your headphones?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You could have a quite word as it isn't appropriate professional conversation.

People have lost children in similar ways and it could be upsetting. "

Your right. Ill see ho things go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Clearly, not busy. Would have word with boss about inappropriate chat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love office conversations over tea and lunch. But when the topic is something uncomfortable, feel free to leave. You are not obligated to be part of it. A better solution is to tell them that you are not comfortable about the discussion. But that depends on how your colleagues will take it. Most decent people will understand and change topics.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/02/22 20:02:07]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I hate office talk, where I worked before they used to talk about all the car crash tv shows,lucky I could just pop my headphones in and blurnt them out

Can you move yourself away? make tea? go off do a task elsewhere or hide in the loo? or if you are lucky enough plug in your headphones? "

Unfortunatley I can't, I've got to communicate with them. Buggering off to the printer or tea room would be a good move.

I'm usually good at tollerating bad stuff, today hit home as I had to deal with not being able to help and failed in saving people. It brought back horrible memories and had to get away from it

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'm a miserable bugger arnt I lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are so insensitive OP, sorry that happened. Definitely say how uncomfortable it makes you feel, they sound like vultures picking over bones

I have to shut down inappropriate conversations daily....usually the language they use over the content usually involving how wasted they were at the weekend and the latest hook ups they've had, not appropriate for the sensitive little ears in earshot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They don't know I'm an ex medic that left me with bad memories so to speak.

I don't want anyone there to know about"

Do you suffer from PTSD?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you're miserable. I think society is so desensitised to awful things, and some people don't realise just how triggering it can be listening to stuff like that.

You could always drop a comment asking them to lighten the subject if it's depressing. But, if they aren't being deliberate in trying to offend you then I think maybe it's best to find a coping mechanism to drown them out.

I don't think what they are doing is a bad thing, but hopefully they can be understanding of how you're feeling.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I love office conversations over tea and lunch. But when the topic is something uncomfortable, feel free to leave. You are not obligated to be part of it. A better solution is to tell them that you are not comfortable about the discussion. But that depends on how your colleagues will take it. Most decent people will understand and change topics."

Thanks yes, I am trying not to draw any attention to myself about it... For the moment, could try doing that casually

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're associating comments in a random conversation with events that left you traumatised in a previous job and they're affecting you to this extent, you need to take this further than a fab forum.

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

What if they want to change topic when you are having a conversation. Just ignore.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"They don't know I'm an ex medic that left me with bad memories so to speak.

I don't want anyone there to know about

Do you suffer from PTSD?"

Yep Medic ptsd, thought It was all sorted till today. I got to the small kitchen area and rubbed a bit water on my face, felt an attack coming on and remembered some techniques to help.. I pulled myself back onto an even keel and went back when conversation had changed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They don't know I'm an ex medic that left me with bad memories so to speak.

I don't want anyone there to know about

Do you suffer from PTSD?

Yep Medic ptsd, thought It was all sorted till today. I got to the small kitchen area and rubbed a bit water on my face, felt an attack coming on and remembered some techniques to help.. I pulled myself back onto an even keel and went back when conversation had changed "

I was a paramedic in London for nearly 20 years, suffered badly from PTSD and still have relapses. It happens to us all mate. There are some disassociation techniques that I do that work sometimes. Not every time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you're associating comments in a random conversation with events that left you traumatised in a previous job and they're affecting you to this extent, you need to take this further than a fab forum."

I doubt it'll come up again. It was an exact subject that hit right on the exact subject and exact circumstances from the past that happened to me that set me off!

The odds they talked about the exact subject were bloody slim

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"They don't know I'm an ex medic that left me with bad memories so to speak.

I don't want anyone there to know about

Do you suffer from PTSD?

Yep Medic ptsd, thought It was all sorted till today. I got to the small kitchen area and rubbed a bit water on my face, felt an attack coming on and remembered some techniques to help.. I pulled myself back onto an even keel and went back when conversation had changed

I was a paramedic in London for nearly 20 years, suffered badly from PTSD and still have relapses. It happens to us all mate. There are some disassociation techniques that I do that work sometimes. Not every time."

Yeah it helped me today. thanks for that mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They don't know I'm an ex medic that left me with bad memories so to speak.

I don't want anyone there to know about

Do you suffer from PTSD?

Yep Medic ptsd, thought It was all sorted till today. I got to the small kitchen area and rubbed a bit water on my face, felt an attack coming on and remembered some techniques to help.. I pulled myself back onto an even keel and went back when conversation had changed

I was a paramedic in London for nearly 20 years, suffered badly from PTSD and still have relapses. It happens to us all mate. There are some disassociation techniques that I do that work sometimes. Not every time.

Yeah it helped me today. thanks for that mate"

If it hits you again, you can PM me if you like. I'm no counsellor, but I probably understand where you're at more than most people. I even found a way to stop the nightmares, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"They don't know I'm an ex medic that left me with bad memories so to speak.

I don't want anyone there to know about

Do you suffer from PTSD?

Yep Medic ptsd, thought It was all sorted till today. I got to the small kitchen area and rubbed a bit water on my face, felt an attack coming on and remembered some techniques to help.. I pulled myself back onto an even keel and went back when conversation had changed

I was a paramedic in London for nearly 20 years, suffered badly from PTSD and still have relapses. It happens to us all mate. There are some disassociation techniques that I do that work sometimes. Not every time.

Yeah it helped me today. thanks for that mate

If it hits you again, you can PM me if you like. I'm no counsellor, but I probably understand where you're at more than most people. I even found a way to stop the nightmares, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone."

Thanks fo the offer. I'll see how things go. They caught me out today but I'll be ready if it happens again.

I'm glad you are getting somewhere mate.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"They don't know I'm an ex medic that left me with bad memories so to speak.

I don't want anyone there to know about

Do you suffer from PTSD?

Yep Medic ptsd, thought It was all sorted till today. I got to the small kitchen area and rubbed a bit water on my face, felt an attack coming on and remembered some techniques to help.. I pulled myself back onto an even keel and went back when conversation had changed

I was a paramedic in London for nearly 20 years, suffered badly from PTSD and still have relapses. It happens to us all mate. There are some disassociation techniques that I do that work sometimes. Not every time.

Yeah it helped me today. thanks for that mate

If it hits you again, you can PM me if you like. I'm no counsellor, but I probably understand where you're at more than most people. I even found a way to stop the nightmares, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone."

Big thanks to you.

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By *erms and conditionsCouple
over a year ago

Alton

Mr has had to do this on more than one occasion recently.

Last time he pointed out to them that if any male was having that very convo they'd be dragged over the coals by HR in minutes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Mr has had to do this on more than one occasion recently.

Last time he pointed out to them that if any male was having that very convo they'd be dragged over the coals by HR in minutes."

ideally yes

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Big thanks to EVERYONE for the replies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't message you, but I think I can guess from experience what's in your mind. All I can say is, and it's really not much help, you can't save everyone, every time. Not now, and not then. And you don't want to inflate the whole thing at work and be "that guy". It's not easy my friend. Best of luck.

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

Fly under the radar and listen to those who understand...

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