FabSwingers.com forum: Men who are trying to open up about their struggles

By *agic.M OP Man
over a year ago

Orpington

So jumping off my last thread (that luckily I managed to delete )

I would just like to give my take on it and than I can just leave the forums for a while.

Just like many of you I also have insecurities and issues, and sometimes when all these underlying issues consume you, something as insignificant as a bad experience on fab can just push you over the edge (all it takes is one bad day).

When I decided to open my previous thread it wasn't me asking for advice, it wasn't me victimising myself...it was me (a man) genuinely just wanting to open up and get something off my chest and express my feelings and emotions. I know some will say " why even do it on fab" ...and I hear you, but maybe some of us don't have someone close to talk to about these issues, or maybe it is the fact that fab offers some anonymity, which makes it easier for some of us to open up. When you have a bad day it is important to find ways to talk about it ( or at least that's what I believed). I never thought I would be met with laughs, shame and abuse ( mostly from women) for simply trying to open up and talk about a bad day... words like " you having a midlife crisis or Manopause " or lighten the fuck up, or man the fuck up, those were bitter pills to swallow.

This is part of the reason why men are so afraid to open up, especially publicly...there will always be people that will laugh at you or shame you or tell you to men up (and it feels like the majority of those people will be women).

I won't reply in this thread, and I will take a significant break from the forums for a while...nor am I asking for "are you ok" messages, yes I will be OK, however there is one advice I would like to give every man on fab....BE CAREFUL WHO YOU OPEN UP TO!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know what this is about but just thought I'd say quickly, just suit yourself with the forum. Take a break whenever you feel like it but also, if tomorrow (or even an hours time) your mood shifts and you feel like joining in again, don't think you have to stick to saying you wouldn't.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Talk to real life friends. The internet is like judging decent people from motorway driving.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I was in the process of replying to your other post when it came down. I really do hope that you can find your way to a better place soon.

Honestly from what I read, tge majority of the comments were concerned or supportive. Yes there were a couple of negative comments but I think often we focus so much of our attention on these that it totally distorts our perception of their number. I know I've been guilty of it myself. I can get 101 compliments but a particularly unpleasant comment on my appearance can take up significantly more of my attention than all the positive comments combined.

I'm sorry people weren't very kind OP. Unfortunately there is every type of person on here and that will include some that are unpleasant.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women are shamed too. It's not just men. If women open up about their struggles of parenthood let's say, we're often met with... "you shouldn't have had kids". And people would laugh that off. Even other parents that have their shit together.

We have to experience things in life before we know for sure how well we deal with them. If you're having a bad day then something that someone says, which they believe to be helpful may come across as sinister. (I didn't see all the comments).

Grown men can decide who they wish to open up to. If that's a public forum then they have to realise not everything comes across as intended and yes, there may be some nasty comments.

Hope you come back feeling more refreshed.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmm i think you have to remember that people join forums for many reasons and many use humour to make a connection (good or bad)

No one knows what is going through your head when you write something.. And likewise through the other person's thought process..

Without body language and tone to help, sometimes responses can seem to be in poor taste, but in reality they may not have meant it in the way it is received

Much with people in real life...

I stand by my 'let it go advice'.. It's diffused some very tense situations that friends have gone through.. Once they've laughed it out, because what else can you do but smile in that circumstance, they are a little lighter and a little more resilient.

I hope you are OK OP x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

It's often on threads like these that those who pay lip service on other topics when it suits their agenda show their true colours.

I've seen numerous threads about being supportive and helping each other out in times of need but anyone who isn't myopic or wearing their rose tinted glasses can see that more often than not the people starting those threads are guilty of doing the complete opposite.

Perception is a byword on fab and people love to be seen as popular and kind and caring but seem to forget that their words and actions in private just show them up for the shallow vindictive people they really are.

Fab isn't the place to open up about mental health issues or any difficulties we are having because for every genuinely concerned response there is another playing to their audience.

There are very many ugly people on this site who care for nothing but their own validation.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone struggles hope you feel better soon I have been quite fortunate to message with few lady’s on hear two in particular have opened up more than I should really but give it chance good luck with everything

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Expressing your feelings can be a step in the right direction, whether it's on the internet to people you don't know.. or in a journal..

To question why you'd talk about something like this on a website like this is closeminded, think about the bigger picture..

Talking helps, talking about something is one of the best ways to help yourself understand why you feel how you do.. sometimes it's good to just get something off your chest, no input needed just your output...

Type away

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andering Welsh GuyMan
over a year ago

All over the place

Anyone feel like they are at their whits end and need a chat, DM me, been there and it's not nice.

Things to get better I promise you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ooo wet tight hornyWoman
over a year ago

lancashire

That's bloody awful OP...some times I'm ashamed to be a women. I've lost loved ones to suicide due to Mental Health, I will always listen with out prejudice and so must every one else male or female. Please don't think of us all as the same, cos' we're not. I hope you feel better soon and you can PM me anytime if you need to reach out as your feeling really down

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I wish we have a ‘liked’ button.

I’ve had people tell me to ‘man up’ in the past. That just makes me want to go home put on a dress and watch First Dates, with a glass of red and chocolate.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ollycouple71Couple
over a year ago

manchester

"It's often on threads like these that those who pay lip service on other topics when it suits their agenda show their true colours.

Fab isn't the place to open up about mental health issues or any difficulties we are having because for every genuinely concerned response there is another playing to their audience.

There are very many ugly people on this site who care for nothing but their own validation."
This

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Everyone knows if you post on the forums you get a vast array of opinions - good bad, indifferent, it's what turns your frown upside down or gives you a rage quit.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I keep on posting its ok not to be ok and my door is always open for a friendly chat or just a cuppa.

Now I've been lost for along time now, my old man passed away and my family has been (lets just say not nice) when all I've done is my best.

But I have found fun and laughter in forums now. With out you all knowing you have helped me so much. Op and everyone else if you need to chat im alway here because I understand its hard. Now just have fun because good people come in here and make are day even when we are down

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'Man the fuck up' i cannot tell you how much i hate that phrase.

Ive struggled for about 6-7 years with mental health (ive come out the other side now thanks to talking). i always channelled it through anger or casual sex (i felt better after), id say 3 year ago my strength just went and i gave in, i couldnt hold it together and panic attacks started and i couldnt hold back emotionally which led to repeated attempts to take my own life. I opened up to someone who i thought was a friend i worked with, she seemed fine and understanding, i wanted it to stay private but whenever i had a moment she'd say 'man the fuck up'.... i cannot begin to tell you how much i wanted to punch her face in (i wouldnt btw) then heard via other people i worked with she had said all sorts about me.

I definitely agree you need to be careful who you trust but never be afraid to talk.

Last time i wrote a similar to the above opening up on fab i received a message of a lady saying 'why have you written that on the forums? Arnt you worried you will put women off?

... blocked.

Take care G

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m sorry you’re feeling shit, it’s absolutely ok to feel the way you feel, it’s valid.

You did get a couple of proper shitty comments, but I also honestly think you took a couple of the comments to heart, when they were meant with the best of intentions.

Don’t be afraid to open up, and ask for help, on the whole this is a very supportive place, don’t let the few ruin it for you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'Man the fuck up' i cannot tell you how much i hate that phrase.

I definitely agree you need to be careful who you trust but never be afraid to talk.

Last time i wrote a similar to the above opening up on fab i received a message of a lady saying 'why have you written that on the forums? Arnt you worried you will put women off?

... blocked.

Take care G

Well said. People don’t realise how very damaging the spoken word can be.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OK, I said "lighten the fuck up" because, to be perfectly honest, you came across as a toatie wee bit irrational and over the top. But, as I also pointed out, there could be underlying factors at play which you did not want to share.

Nothing on here is at it seems. You get a snap shot of someone's life and their personality. So with that in mind, remember you are asking a complete bunch of strangers to comment on another complete stranger's situation.

I genuinely wish you well OP. Heid doon, arse up and plough on. Nothing else for it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was horrified at a couple of people in that thread. I can totally understand why you took it down. Feeling low, lost, angry, depressed, anxious - there's no reason that a community of people can't support others and listen to them. Even if you don't understand what it feels like. Not everybody can shrug off unpleasant experiences. Not everybody can walk away without being affected. I can't.

OP hope you find the answers you're looking for away from Fab.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Many of the comments on here from so called Uber swingers either make you want to vomit or want to grab a club.

Nobody has the last word in sex and procreation can be a joy for anyone.

Health issues are best not treated via online chit chat. You get plenty of chat and rather a lot of (s)chit.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I was in the process of replying to your other post when it came down. I really do hope that you can find your way to a better place soon.

I'm sorry people weren't very kind OP. Unfortunately there is every type of person on here and that will include some that are unpleasant. "

Agreed. The majority of comments were supportive - a couple weren't kind.

I hope you are okay OP, you source some jaffa cakes and some of the anger and hate dissipates for you soon.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

Having been in a bad mental health place myself I know it doesn’t matter how many genuinely nice comments you get offering help, you will always take the one or two negative ones to heart and let it fuel your already darkened mood.

I really hope you take a break and feel refreshed when you come back. In the meantime my inbox is there if you just want space to let things off your chest. Keep safe

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone and I mean anyone ,if u ever want to talk I'm a good listener, you certainly won't find any judgement here. Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onkeynutWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

I saw some of the comments and thought they were lacking compassion to say the least.

If a woman posts a serious issue on here they generally get kind and compassionate replies but often, when a man does it’s almost made into a competition.

Be kind to yourself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *jorkishMan
over a year ago

Seaforth

Most showed concern or support a few were quite frankly appalling. I wonder how these negative women would respond to men telling them to woman up etc. Well done to the ones who were supportive whether you be man or woman

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Didn't see other post but hope you're ok...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I saw your last thread also and was shocked at some of the comments. It's horrible how differently men and women are treated on here when they post a thread. The whole man up phrase is vile and used by people who have no understanding or empathy towards others.And like said in a post above I find quite sneery comments on here are often made by those who go on in other threads about being kind.

I hope you find yourself in a better place soon. I'm sorry you feel let down by someone you obviously trusted on here sadly that can happen and it's always a learning curve over time.I hope in future you find someone you can trust on here because once you do it's makes all the other crap so much easier to deal with.

For an adult site it's amazing how many act like petulant teenagers especially behind the scenes. But luckily there are enough decent people on here to balance that .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Didn't see other post but hope you're ok..."

I've written, deleted and re-written a comment multiple times. I don't know how to word what I want to say. So I'll just second this.

I'm sorry you had such a response. People suck sometimes.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I have not seen the posts and can't comment but hope the OP is well and ignores whatever insensitive comments were made. I have noticed there are definitely people on here that at best can be described as insensitive, opinionated and thriving in 'igniting' arguments and at worst some are pretty nasty. Then again it's no different to the real world, full of people like that. Thankfully the place seems also full of caring, helpful people and certainly some with good humour and inofensive banter.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread