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How did you get here ?

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By *rHotNotts OP   Man
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Friday thought.

Do you have a job, home, relationship/s and life that you generally like, or not so much and would change ?

So good or bad, how did you get there ?

I believe it’s a very small number of big events or decisions, probably a handful at most.

I mean we can say if this thing didn’t happen or I didn’t come out the pub and turn the corner at that exact time , or see that job advertised by accident etc etc but maybe you would have got to the same place anyway, just in a different way , different timing and maybe with different people, but same end result.

What are some of those handful of big things for you ? That got you here.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

I often think this way hurts my head though! If I had not got my first job where I did would not have met first husband and in turn would not have my eldest 3 children! And had i not worked in a town center pub would not have met my second partner and not had my youngest 3! I'm a believer in it's all maped out for us though! Mind boggling though x

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

What if? If only there was a life spreadsheet we could all model these what if scenarios.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I got here through a series of seemingly insignificant events. They weren't massive turning points, they were decisions and actions that seemed to have very little consequence at the time.

As an example, my job. I was offered the job I currently have because of my public sector experience. My public sector experience was gained because I was looking to get out of pharmaceutical manufacture and an interesting category role in the NHS was advertised just as my contract at another company was coming to an end.

The recruiter for the NHS took me on because I had experience setting up categories from scratch, and that experience was gained because in my first purchasing role the company went through a demerger and I got on very well with a particular director who asked me to join the new team. I got on well with the director because I was on babysitting duties for one of his visits to the UK and I took him to some great funky restaurants and had a good laugh chatting with him about books and films and shared vague Irish ancestry.

A couple of meals in the mid-90s led directly to my current job.

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By *ysyphusMan
over a year ago

Starbase K-7

I took the bus.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy from my class at school hung himself summertime last year- that got me thinking and I had a real epiphany. It really made me think what I would regret if I had died that day, so now I want to live life to the max and here I am doing it!! There's loads of other factors, but that certainly is the main contributing factor.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A guy from my class at school hung himself summertime last year- that got me thinking and I had a real epiphany. It really made me think what I would regret if I had died that day, so now I want to live life to the max and here I am doing it!! There's loads of other factors, but that certainly is the main contributing factor."

Jesus that's awful

I'm glad you're living life the way you want

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral


"A guy from my class at school hung himself summertime last year- that got me thinking and I had a real epiphany. It really made me think what I would regret if I had died that day, so now I want to live life to the max and here I am doing it!! There's loads of other factors, but that certainly is the main contributing factor."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This might sound deep, it probably will be. Everything I've got now is down to my husband.

I had a termination (no sympathies please) just before I met him, he lost a friend in afghan just before I met him.

He's always said I helped him, but he helped me more.. We have been inseparable since. I was incredibly ill when we met so he's seen me at my absolute worst from the very beginning. My job I've been in for the past 8 years? He was and still is my cheerleader when the going gets tough. House? It's his. Kids? He helped make them. The food on the table, the clothes on our backs? Yeah I earn money, but it's being with him that allows me to spend that spare money.

I'm not sure where I'd be if I hadn't met him, probably not in such a good position in life that I am now.

I know as a woman I should be standing up and shouting about independence but I have him to thank for it all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was made redundant after 17 years and then six months later my fiancé ended our 19 year relationship. Very pleased to be rid of both but I was left with no choice but to start working for myself so I could be there for my kids. Some hiccups like Covid - but I'm happy to be where I am.

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

It was an illness that got me where I am today. I had 2 long periods of time off work over a couple of years.

I couldn't face going back to working shifts so I gave it all up to get an education and nearly 20 years later I'm still here, just not studying.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

[Removed by poster at 04/02/22 15:03:22]

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"A guy from my class at school hung himself summertime last year- that got me thinking and I had a real epiphany. It really made me think what I would regret if I had died that day, so now I want to live life to the max and here I am doing it!! There's loads of other factors, but that certainly is the main contributing factor."

Suicide is always so very sad x

A friend and colleague had a heart attack last Tuesday, underwent surgery, was put in an induced coma and died yesterday.

The shock and sadness..well, it's just awful!

I had the same kind of What if thoughts.

After the loss a younger sister, a husband and friends, I decided that I would just do me and not worry about it.

That's part of how I got here.

My life...that hasn't been that thought out tbh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/02/22 15:04:39]

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"I was made redundant after 17 years and then six months later my fiancé ended our 19 year relationship. Very pleased to be rid of both but I was left with no choice but to start working for myself so I could be there for my kids. Some hiccups like Covid - but I'm happy to be where I am. "

Wow...they are such big changes!

It's good to see that you are happy where you now are x

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By *ormerWelshcouple2020Man
over a year ago

Stourbridge

Some seriously hard stories around.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Split with a ex

Guy that I worked with at the time who I sometimes talked to on brake was a swinger

Gave me the old job fab you be dripping in it within the weeks end story

So went home joined found what he sed far from the truth

Seen they had tv/ts on the site

Back In my younger days I use to dress if you will

So thought do you know what I am single going to experiment while single pulled my guys profile and

Started a tv/ts profile and just went from there god that was like 12 years ago

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Found my husband under my nose in the sixth form common room, having known him since we were 11.

Job - got disillusioned with the pharmaceutical industry and the boring lab work so decided to pick up my teacher training for a second time. Took a job with my current employer as an hourly paid person, didn't expect it to go anyway. Anyway, 9yrs later, I manage a department.

House - bought it just before the 2008 economic crisis so kinda stuck. I'd like to move to a bungalow but can't make it work. The area is nice though.

Life overall - not great but not to do with my husband or job

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I googled ‘ fab singers ‘

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My life is somewhat of a disaster. I haven’t made good decisions, but, emotionally/mentally I’m good, so the rest may come.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford


"A guy from my class at school hung himself summertime last year- that got me thinking and I had a real epiphany. It really made me think what I would regret if I had died that day, so now I want to live life to the max and here I am doing it!! There's loads of other factors, but that certainly is the main contributing factor."

My ex,the father of my youngest 3 children committed suicide 12 years ago this year! I often think of what he has missed with them growing up! Youngest was 11 at time such a waste and sad for them not being able to share their milestones with him x

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I met the Mrs in a video game back in the 90’s, through someone else that I had also met in the game. Both of them lived in different time sones to me, so without that random encounter its unlikely we would have ever met.

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By *rHotNotts OP   Man
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"Found my husband under my nose in the sixth form common room, having known him since we were 11.

Job - got disillusioned with the pharmaceutical industry and the boring lab work so decided to pick up my teacher training for a second time. Took a job with my current employer as an hourly paid person, didn't expect it to go anyway. Anyway, 9yrs later, I manage a department.

House - bought it just before the 2008 economic crisis so kinda stuck. I'd like to move to a bungalow but can't make it work. The area is nice though.

Life overall - not great but not to do with my husband or job "

That’s what I’m taking about , 2 key decisions , 1 maybe a bit of back luck, but you chose a decent area and decided to go back to teacher training and it got you where you are , the rest not that significant. Chances are you would have met someone similar to your husband at sone point after age 11, and been managing a dept or similar , albeit a slightly different route if you didn’t take the first job

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By *rHotNotts OP   Man
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"It was an illness that got me where I am today. I had 2 long periods of time off work over a couple of years.

I couldn't face going back to working shifts so I gave it all up to get an education and nearly 20 years later I'm still here, just not studying. "

Often illness and tragedy force decisions that you probably should have made anyway ! We make the best decisions when boxed in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A realisation one day that I couldn't carry on in the environment I was living in, I wasn't happy. A random job advert that I jumped at the chance for but soon made me realise that I wasn't happy at home and something needed to change. After a never ended circle of fighting and sinking, I was free. Every opportunity that came up I took, what felt like a dip in the road at one point ended up being one of the best decisions I ever made. If I hadn't made that choice, I wouldn't be where I am and who I am now. Still a bit more to go but I know I'm getting there.

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By *rHotNotts OP   Man
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"I often think this way hurts my head though! If I had not got my first job where I did would not have met first husband and in turn would not have my eldest 3 children! And had i not worked in a town center pub would not have met my second partner and not had my youngest 3! I'm a believer in it's all maped out for us though! Mind boggling though x"

But you would probably have ended up in a very similar place , similar partners , similar kids, feeling similar to how you feel now

If you believe it’s all mapped out anyway it stops you making tough decisions that will take you a different way , because you believe you can’t change it, all roads lead to the same place

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My life is somewhat of a disaster. I haven’t made good decisions, but, emotionally/mentally I’m good, so the rest may come."

I think it absolutely will come - you have such strength x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i walked

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By *rHotNotts OP   Man
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"My life is somewhat of a disaster. I haven’t made good decisions, but, emotionally/mentally I’m good, so the rest may come."

if I knew what I know now, 30 years ago, I could have got here in 5-10 years instead of 30, but I’d still be here, I’d just have taken a short cut

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My life is somewhat of a disaster. I haven’t made good decisions, but, emotionally/mentally I’m good, so the rest may come.

I think it absolutely will come - you have such strength x"

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My life is somewhat of a disaster. I haven’t made good decisions, but, emotionally/mentally I’m good, so the rest may come.

if I knew what I know now, 30 years ago, I could have got here in 5-10 years instead of 30, but I’d still be here, I’d just have taken a short cut "

I could do with the short cut

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By *rHotNotts OP   Man
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"A realisation one day that I couldn't carry on in the environment I was living in, I wasn't happy. A random job advert that I jumped at the chance for but soon made me realise that I wasn't happy at home and something needed to change. After a never ended circle of fighting and sinking, I was free. Every opportunity that came up I took, what felt like a dip in the road at one point ended up being one of the best decisions I ever made. If I hadn't made that choice, I wouldn't be where I am and who I am now. Still a bit more to go but I know I'm getting there. "

That realisation triggered a very different pattern of thinking.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford


"I often think this way hurts my head though! If I had not got my first job where I did would not have met first husband and in turn would not have my eldest 3 children! And had i not worked in a town center pub would not have met my second partner and not had my youngest 3! I'm a believer in it's all maped out for us though! Mind boggling though x

But you would probably have ended up in a very similar place , similar partners , similar kids, feeling similar to how you feel now

If you believe it’s all mapped out anyway it stops you making tough decisions that will take you a different way , because you believe you can’t change it, all roads lead to the same place "

Not really! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do believe you do end up where you are supposed to in the end and everyone that comes into your life is for a purpose, good or bad. Every choice I've made has been the right choice for me at that time so I can't regret it or wish I'd done things differently.

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By *ickshawedCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

A broken launderette at university meant I had to use another one much further from my room. I was with my friends, we couldn't be bothered to walk back so got chatting to a guy who was there. He was a member of the computer society, I bumped into him the next day and ended up joining the society even though I knew nothing about computers. I was visiting a friend I made there a few years later for his 25th birthday when I met my now husband who he had met playing World of Warcraft.

If that launderette had been working I could have a very different life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A guy from my class at school hung himself summertime last year- that got me thinking and I had a real epiphany. It really made me think what I would regret if I had died that day, so now I want to live life to the max and here I am doing it!! There's loads of other factors, but that certainly is the main contributing factor.

My ex,the father of my youngest 3 children committed suicide 12 years ago this year! I often think of what he has missed with them growing up! Youngest was 11 at time such a waste and sad for them not being able to share their milestones with him x"

So very sad for them and much harder for you bringing them up without him

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Found my husband under my nose in the sixth form common room, having known him since we were 11.

Job - got disillusioned with the pharmaceutical industry and the boring lab work so decided to pick up my teacher training for a second time. Took a job with my current employer as an hourly paid person, didn't expect it to go anyway. Anyway, 9yrs later, I manage a department.

House - bought it just before the 2008 economic crisis so kinda stuck. I'd like to move to a bungalow but can't make it work. The area is nice though.

Life overall - not great but not to do with my husband or job

That’s what I’m taking about , 2 key decisions , 1 maybe a bit of back luck, but you chose a decent area and decided to go back to teacher training and it got you where you are , the rest not that significant. Chances are you would have met someone similar to your husband at sone point after age 11, and been managing a dept or similar , albeit a slightly different route if you didn’t take the first job "

It's all been achieved under challenging circumstances. I had my son when I was 16. Started my A levels when he was 2 weeks old and my degree when he was 3. Whatever I've achieved, it's been via hard fucking work.

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito


"Friday thought.

Do you have a job, home, relationship/s and life that you generally like, or not so much and would change ?

So good or bad, how did you get there ?

I believe it’s a very small number of big events or decisions, probably a handful at most.

I mean we can say if this thing didn’t happen or I didn’t come out the pub and turn the corner at that exact time , or see that job advertised by accident etc etc but maybe you would have got to the same place anyway, just in a different way , different timing and maybe with different people, but same end result.

What are some of those handful of big things for you ? That got you here."

I’m currently single, unemployed but do have a house. I’m happy with all these things though I do have to start looking for a job soon before I get too comfortable not working.

I am single out of choice, got my house through being evicted and homeless for a short period of time and working my socks off climbing the career ladder over the years to afford a mortgage. I became unemployed because the role I was in was made redundant. It happens. Just trying to work out what opportunity is next in my working life

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito


"A guy from my class at school hung himself summertime last year- that got me thinking and I had a real epiphany. It really made me think what I would regret if I had died that day, so now I want to live life to the max and here I am doing it!! There's loads of other factors, but that certainly is the main contributing factor."

So sorry you lost your friend. Death certainly puts a different perspective on what is important in life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My life would have been very different if my parents hadn't have been selfish when I was 15.

It took me a very long time, and a lot of stupid decisions to make peace with that.

I also had a life changing moment just over 4 years ago , if it hadn't have been for an unexpected knock on the door, I wouldn't be here now.

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito


"This might sound deep, it probably will be. Everything I've got now is down to my husband.

I had a termination (no sympathies please) just before I met him, he lost a friend in afghan just before I met him.

He's always said I helped him, but he helped me more.. We have been inseparable since. I was incredibly ill when we met so he's seen me at my absolute worst from the very beginning. My job I've been in for the past 8 years? He was and still is my cheerleader when the going gets tough. House? It's his. Kids? He helped make them. The food on the table, the clothes on our backs? Yeah I earn money, but it's being with him that allows me to spend that spare money.

I'm not sure where I'd be if I hadn't met him, probably not in such a good position in life that I am now.

I know as a woman I should be standing up and shouting about independence but I have him to thank for it all "

I love this answer

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

So job because it's the one I can do without waffling because the others aren't as simple as a big decision or two.

Accepted to do a PhD, Dad was very poorly. Moved down to look after him, decided to get a job so I'd have my own steady source of income. Went to have coffee, reading a newspaper because friend is still to this day so fucking late, saw an advertisement. Applied. Did accelerated course while taking dad for chemo, all that stuff. And worked. Cried a fair bit during that time and was exhausted. I've stayed in the same company and progressed to a point where I'm very proud of myself. Didn't think I could do it but I have.

Maybe, I'd have been reading a newspaper while at uni and decided to apply for it. Said fuck the teaching fellowship dream and done what I'm doing now. Unlikely.

It was one of the best caffeine fuelled decisions I've made though.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

My mum got ill so she came to live here. It’s what you do, has my life been on hold since? Yes but that is my choice.

How did I end up in Devon, well I bought a house down here in my twenties, bounced around the globe, got married lived in London, didn’t work out, retreated from the world.

Yes there have been pivotal moments, yes sometimes I would like a different life but I am lucky. I have a good family, a home and I earn enough to buy wine that takes the edge off

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By *rHotNotts OP   Man
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"Friday thought.

Do you have a job, home, relationship/s and life that you generally like, or not so much and would change ?

So good or bad, how did you get there ?

I believe it’s a very small number of big events or decisions, probably a handful at most.

I mean we can say if this thing didn’t happen or I didn’t come out the pub and turn the corner at that exact time , or see that job advertised by accident etc etc but maybe you would have got to the same place anyway, just in a different way , different timing and maybe with different people, but same end result.

What are some of those handful of big things for you ? That got you here.

I’m currently single, unemployed but do have a house. I’m happy with all these things though I do have to start looking for a job soon before I get too comfortable not working.

I am single out of choice, got my house through being evicted and homeless for a short period of time and working my socks off climbing the career ladder over the years to afford a mortgage. I became unemployed because the role I was in was made redundant. It happens. Just trying to work out what opportunity is next in my working life "

Sounds like you’re in full control and know what to do, looking for the right opportunity to work hard but not rushing into the wrong one. An experience at the bottom helped even , any regrets?

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By *rHotNotts OP   Man
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"My mum got ill so she came to live here. It’s what you do, has my life been on hold since? Yes but that is my choice.

How did I end up in Devon, well I bought a house down here in my twenties, bounced around the globe, got married lived in London, didn’t work out, retreated from the world.

Yes there have been pivotal moments, yes sometimes I would like a different life but I am lucky. I have a good family, a home and I earn enough to buy wine that takes the edge off "

Doing the right thing is a choice. You’re not lucky , you have a good family , a home and earn enough to buy wine though good choices.

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito


"Friday thought.

Do you have a job, home, relationship/s and life that you generally like, or not so much and would change ?

So good or bad, how did you get there ?

I believe it’s a very small number of big events or decisions, probably a handful at most.

I mean we can say if this thing didn’t happen or I didn’t come out the pub and turn the corner at that exact time , or see that job advertised by accident etc etc but maybe you would have got to the same place anyway, just in a different way , different timing and maybe with different people, but same end result.

What are some of those handful of big things for you ? That got you here.

I’m currently single, unemployed but do have a house. I’m happy with all these things though I do have to start looking for a job soon before I get too comfortable not working.

I am single out of choice, got my house through being evicted and homeless for a short period of time and working my socks off climbing the career ladder over the years to afford a mortgage. I became unemployed because the role I was in was made redundant. It happens. Just trying to work out what opportunity is next in my working life

Sounds like you’re in full control and know what to do, looking for the right opportunity to work hard but not rushing into the wrong one. An experience at the bottom helped even , any regrets?

"

I try not to consider anything in life as a regret. My life ended where I am today sometimes because of forces outside my control but I made all my choices based on my knowledge at that particular point in my life so I stand by them.

Just because I might have new knowledge now about the situation doesn’t mean I can go back and change things. The past is the past and can’t be changed.

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By *rHotNotts OP   Man
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"Friday thought.

Do you have a job, home, relationship/s and life that you generally like, or not so much and would change ?

So good or bad, how did you get there ?

I believe it’s a very small number of big events or decisions, probably a handful at most.

I mean we can say if this thing didn’t happen or I didn’t come out the pub and turn the corner at that exact time , or see that job advertised by accident etc etc but maybe you would have got to the same place anyway, just in a different way , different timing and maybe with different people, but same end result.

What are some of those handful of big things for you ? That got you here.

I’m currently single, unemployed but do have a house. I’m happy with all these things though I do have to start looking for a job soon before I get too comfortable not working.

I am single out of choice, got my house through being evicted and homeless for a short period of time and working my socks off climbing the career ladder over the years to afford a mortgage. I became unemployed because the role I was in was made redundant. It happens. Just trying to work out what opportunity is next in my working life

Sounds like you’re in full control and know what to do, looking for the right opportunity to work hard but not rushing into the wrong one. An experience at the bottom helped even , any regrets?

I try not to consider anything in life as a regret. My life ended where I am today sometimes because of forces outside my control but I made all my choices based on my knowledge at that particular point in my life so I stand by them.

Just because I might have new knowledge now about the situation doesn’t mean I can go back and change things. The past is the past and can’t be changed. "

True. I meant about becoming homeless , I know you can’t go back and change events, but the story and how you feel about the past often does change and that’s as good as. All things equal, are you glad it happened, indifferent or wish it didn't happen ?

For years I was angry about something that happened to me in my 20s felt it held me back and limited me, but now know the opposite is true and I feel lucky it happened

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito


"Friday thought.

Do you have a job, home, relationship/s and life that you generally like, or not so much and would change ?

So good or bad, how did you get there ?

I believe it’s a very small number of big events or decisions, probably a handful at most.

I mean we can say if this thing didn’t happen or I didn’t come out the pub and turn the corner at that exact time , or see that job advertised by accident etc etc but maybe you would have got to the same place anyway, just in a different way , different timing and maybe with different people, but same end result.

What are some of those handful of big things for you ? That got you here.

I’m currently single, unemployed but do have a house. I’m happy with all these things though I do have to start looking for a job soon before I get too comfortable not working.

I am single out of choice, got my house through being evicted and homeless for a short period of time and working my socks off climbing the career ladder over the years to afford a mortgage. I became unemployed because the role I was in was made redundant. It happens. Just trying to work out what opportunity is next in my working life

Sounds like you’re in full control and know what to do, looking for the right opportunity to work hard but not rushing into the wrong one. An experience at the bottom helped even , any regrets?

I try not to consider anything in life as a regret. My life ended where I am today sometimes because of forces outside my control but I made all my choices based on my knowledge at that particular point in my life so I stand by them.

Just because I might have new knowledge now about the situation doesn’t mean I can go back and change things. The past is the past and can’t be changed.

True. I meant about becoming homeless , I know you can’t go back and change events, but the story and how you feel about the past often does change and that’s as good as. All things equal, are you glad it happened, indifferent or wish it didn't happen ?

For years I was angry about something that happened to me in my 20s felt it held me back and limited me, but now know the opposite is true and I feel lucky it happened "

Oh at the time I was angry and grieving a life I enjoyed but shortly after moving into my new house I had a mental health breakdown and it gave me time and new tools to help let things go more quickly than I used to so now I spend less time being angry about stuff I can’t control.

Lots of other things have happened since then that remind me life is short and being angry through it is pointless. Sure feel your emotions at the time they are happening but don’t hold onto them or you’ll miss out on other amazing things.

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