FabSwingers.com forum: Dad jokes please

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think we really need some funny (terrible) jokes today.

Give me your best ones (I may steal them, and I’m not even sorry

)

My wife asked me today if I had seen

the dog bowl.

I said no I didn't know he could.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Youngsters may not get this one!

What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive?

"One day my prints will come!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once dated a girl with 12 nipples

Sounds weird

Dozen tit?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

"I think we really need some funny (terrible) jokes today.

Give me your best ones (I may steal them, and I’m not even sorry

)

My wife asked me today if I had seen

the dog bowl.

I said no I didn't know he could."

My dog has no nose

How does he smell?

Bloody awful

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

When Dearly Beloved asked

"Is it just me or is that pussy getting fat?"

Apparently "No love, it's just you" is not the right answer.

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

I’d been sat in the waiting room at the doctors for about two hours.

The receptionist said

Excuse me, do you have an appointment?

“No” I replied, “I’m just waiting.”

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Youngsters may not get this one!

What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive?

"One day my prints will come!"

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

Gagged….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always take my problems to Tommy

Hilfiger something out…

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I always take my problems to Tommy

Hilfiger something out…"

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

Which bear is the most condescending?

A pan-duh!

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes...you need to let that mango!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The past, present and future walk into a a bar. It was tense!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m glad there’s no German sausage jokes here… they are the wurst

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some guy just called me a 'Tool'.

So, I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

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By *nn_JamesCouple
over a year ago

the

I went on a barging holiday last year.

I didn't have a boat just pushed people in the canal.

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By *he love catsCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

What do you name a Russian man with three balls whodoyounickabollockoff.

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By *ysyphusMan
over a year ago

Starbase K-7

Anybody got any NEW dad jokes?

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By *ooliganMan
over a year ago

Preston

My wife left me due to my obsession with pasta puns...

Can't believe she's gone because of a fusilli jokes...

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma

Fundraisers knocked my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave them a glass of water.

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By *ooliganMan
over a year ago

Preston

What's got 99 balls and makes old women sweat?

Bingo.

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By *rLothbrokMan
over a year ago

Lancs

Yesterday, the doctor told me I was colour blind.

The diagnosis came out of the purple.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Anybody got any NEW dad jokes?

I haven’t heard that one, what’s the punch line

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By *ysyphusMan
over a year ago

Starbase K-7

"Anybody got any NEW dad jokes?

I haven’t heard that one, what’s the punch line

I'd like to punch the people who post the same old jokes every time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Anybody got any NEW dad jokes?

I haven’t heard that one, what’s the punch line

I'd like to punch the people who post the same old jokes every time.

There’s lots I haven’t heard before

It’s just a light hearted thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A piece of string walks into a bar and walks up to counter.

The bartender says, "Sorry mate, we don't serve pieces of string in here, get lost."

Upset, the piece of string walks out the door. A sudden thought strikes him. He ties himself in a knot and messes his hair up.

He walks back into the bar and approaches the counter. The bartender says, "Oi, aren't you that piece of string from before...?"

"No," says the piece of string, "I'm a frayed knot."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why can't penguins fly?...

Because they're chocolate biscuits

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By *he AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara

Why do Dad's take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one!"

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By *ayMyName2018Man
over a year ago

Where the Wild Things Are

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg, but you can’t…….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife says I should do lunges to help stay in shape. I said that would be a big step forward....

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma

"Anybody got any NEW dad jokes?

I haven’t heard that one, what’s the punch line

I'd like to punch the people who post the same old jokes every time.

Imagine coming to a thread about dad jokes of your own free will and getting upset that some of the jokes are the same. Now imagine you repeat that exercise again and get so angry you want to punch someone. A little advice, don't trust atoms, they make everything up

Cheer up matey

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

I’ve just planted some onions in a raised bed. Made a terrible mess of the sheets..

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By *ohnny_ThunderMan
over a year ago

LLandudno

My wife complained that her feet hurt. I said, "you've got your shoes on the wrong feet."

She said, "But they're the only feet I've got."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man goes to the ticket office at the rail station.

Man: I'd like a return please

Ticket officer: certainly sir, where to?

Man: Back here, you dozy sod.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bill says to Ben 'fibble flobble jibble jobble flob a lob'.

Ben pulls up his trousers and says 'Just swallow it, you mad twat'.

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

What’s the most common owl in Britain?

The Teet Owl!!!!!

Hahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's it like shagging a sheep?

Not baaad.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Bill says to Ben 'fibble flobble jibble jobble flob a lob'.

Ben pulls up his trousers and says 'Just swallow it, you mad twat'."

I love this one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I told my son he shouldn’t listen to losers…

Now he won’t talk to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My daughter was doing her history homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo.

I said, "He was a poor boy, from a poor family.”

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My daughter was doing her history homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo.

I said, "He was a poor boy, from a poor family.”"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you know the owl that can be found in most homes in the UK is the Teat?

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Isn't it annoying when you're wanking off 3 bus drivers and then suddenly.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Isn't it annoying when you're wanking off 3 bus drivers and then suddenly..... "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Vladimir Putin visits Poland and is asked by immigration control to answer a few questions.

Officer: Your name?

Vlad: Vladimir Putin

Officer: Nationality?

Vlad: Russian

Officer: Occupation?

Vlad: No, just visiting this time.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

What would you expect to find at the bottom of a Geologist's garden?...

Agate

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By *P994Man
over a year ago

Travelling

Not to brag, but I defeated the local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally, my karate lessons paid off

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not to brag, but I defeated the local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally, my karate lessons paid off"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bill says to Ben 'fibble flobble jibble jobble flob a lob'.

Ben pulls up his trousers and says 'Just swallow it, you mad twat'."

This is BRILLIANT

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By *iffler 2019Woman
over a year ago

Saltash aka Fraggle Rock

A man walks down the street shouting I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, his friend approached him and told him to calm down as he was 2 tense lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once dated a girl with twelve nipples, sounds kinda weird...

Dozen tit?

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By *ryan...Man
over a year ago

1950's Original

My new next door neighbour said " Hi, I've got 15 cats".

I replied,"Oh, I've got one."

She asked "What's it called"?

I said " normal"

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"Isn't it annoying when you're wanking off 3 bus drivers and then suddenly..... "

You send them random unsolicited porn??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you call a dog with no tongue ?"

"Smelly bollocks"

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By *haron StonerTV/TS
over a year ago

Haywards Heath

When I met my wife, I knew it was love at first sight...

Her tail was wagging!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Insurance companies have warned campers that should their tent be stolen in the night, they will not be covered

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

I returned my lizard to the pet store today as it wouldn't stop telling me jokes.

The shop keeper said "that isn't a lizard, it is a stand up chameleon".

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By *ryan...Man
over a year ago

1950's Original

A Swedish man walks into ABBA

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/02/22 21:06:43]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

An armed man ran into a estate

agents and shouted:

"Nobody move!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the nut say while chasing another nut?

I’m a cashew

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It doesn't matter if you're tall, short, fat,

thin, rich, poor, at the end of the day..

It's night.

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By *r SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle

I just applied for a job down at the restaurant.I told them I really bring a lot to the table.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I brought a world map and asked my wife to shoot a dart on it and wherever it lands, I will take her there for two weeks when pandemic ends.

It's her day 5 behind the fridge.

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By *r SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle

"So I brought a world map and asked my wife to shoot a dart on it and wherever it lands, I will take her there for two weeks when pandemic ends.

It's her day 5 behind the fridge."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So I brought a world map and asked my wife to shoot a dart on it and wherever it lands, I will take her there for two weeks when pandemic ends.

It's her day 5 behind the fridge."

This made me laugh out loud

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

A bloke's credit card was stolen, but he didn't report it because the thief was spending less than his wife!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I brought a world map and asked my wife to shoot a dart on it and wherever it lands, I will take her there for two weeks when pandemic ends.

It's her day 5 behind the fridge.

This made me laugh out loud

She’s not laughing but she has found the bobble she’s been looking for

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynaecologist?

One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.

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By *lappyMan
over a year ago

Manchester

when I graduated from my comedy course at university, I thought I’d be laughing

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynaecologist?

One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A DUCK WALKS INTO A BAR ...

"Got any bread?"

"No.

"Got any bread?"

"No.

"Got any bread?"

"No,

"Got any bread?"

"No, and if you ask me again, I'll nail your beak to

the bar!!*

"Got any nails?"

"No."

"Got any bread?"

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By *ynxxxMan
over a year ago

Around and about

What do you call a teacher that's always late for school?

Mr Bus

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Did you know ...

You can tell the gender of an ant just by placing them in water.

If they sink, girl ant.

If they float, buoyant.

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

I’m on the Gordon Ramsay diet. Just eat 2 eggs and fuck off!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Did you know ...

You can tell the gender of an ant just by placing them in water.

If they sink, girl ant.

If they float, buoyant.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Someone broke into my garage last night, stole my tools and stuff, but I can't believe they took my limbo stick too.

Seriously..how low can you go ?

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By *iggyStarjumpsMan
over a year ago

Stockport

I went to the zoo but the only animal they had was a dog.

It was a shih tzu

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By *rMs.NeekCouple
over a year ago

Worcestershire

I would tell you a good science joke....

But all the good ones argon

**look at profile name**

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The adiective for metal is metallic.

But not so for iron.. which is ironic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I was just a little kid, I used to pray for a bicycle. Then as I grew older I learned in Sunday school, that's not how prayer works.

So I stole a bike...and prayed for forgiveness.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A lot of people don't realize the actor that

played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stop kink shaming fabbers for using the metric system.

They have a foot fetish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A DUCK WALKS INTO A BAR ...

"Got any bread?"

"No.

"Got any bread?"

"No.

"Got any bread?"

"No,

"Got any bread?"

"No, and if you ask me again, I'll nail your beak to

the bar!!*

"Got any nails?"

"No."

"Got any bread?""

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tesla founder Elon Musk is originally from South Africa, which is strange.

You'd think he was from Mad-at-gas-car.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I entered my son’s room and said remember son masturbating can make you go blind.

I’m over here dad, he replied.

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By *ieselJuiceMan
over a year ago

Stratford

What did dad say to his son when he saw the one eyed dinosaur?

Doyouthinkhesawus?...Rex?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. He drew another gun.

We ended up with four lovely drawings of guns.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What kind of fish like to sleep? Kippers.

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By *azza72Man
over a year ago

Leeds

A guy walking his dog through the cemetery and I said to him “morning” and he replied “no I’m just walking my dog thanks ”

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By *wosmilersCouple
over a year ago

Heathrowish

How do you know when you pass an elephant?

You can't get the toilet lid down.

(I'll get my coat).

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. He drew another gun.

We ended up with four lovely drawings of guns."

This has really tickled me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My computers got the Miley virus.

It's stopped twerking.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My computers got the Miley virus.

It's stopped twerking."

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By *apden75Man
over a year ago

dundee

What’s the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

Do don’t pay £50for a lentil on your face

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Rome wasn’t built in a day. Well the painters had to wait for the undercoat to dry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My grandad went down in history...

He also fingered a girl in geography."

"i went to the zoo to watch the monkeys wanking.... I then went to visit the lions.... Still wanking".

"my wife is cheating on her diet... She is eating chocolate and fucking other men"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chinese perfume by y y pong.

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

[Removed by poster at 06/02/22 19:02:57]

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Anyone else’s reckon Jesus on the cross might have been thinking those Romans might be great soldiers but their carpentry is rubbish!

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By *uck-RogersMan
over a year ago

Tarka trail

"Anybody got any NEW dad jokes?

I haven’t heard that one, what’s the punch line

I'd like to punch the people who post the same old jokes every time.

"
That's ok syphilis isn't spelt like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A policeman spotted an elderly lady driving while knitting.

“Pullover!" he said.

"No, it's a scarf!" she replied.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

What is the difference between unlawful and illegal?

One is in violation of the law, the other is a sick bird.

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By *rMs.NeekCouple
over a year ago

Worcestershire

Why don't polar bears eat penguins?

They can't get the wrappers off!

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

My mate opened a nightclub for 'Men with erectile dysfunction'

Apparently it was a total flop & no1 came

lol

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By *rMs.NeekCouple
over a year ago

Worcestershire

The police arrested two local youths, one for eating fireworks and the other for drinking battery acid.

They charged one but let the other one off

We're here all week,folks...

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By *rMs.NeekCouple
over a year ago

Worcestershire

What's the difference between light and hard?

You can go to sleep with a light on

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By *rMs.NeekCouple
over a year ago

Worcestershire

Why is a woman like a KFC?

Because when you've finished with the breast and the thigh, all you're left with is a greasy box to put your bone in

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By *ndyn50000Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

What do you call a small cabbage under a pile of leaves...

.... a rustle sprout

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

"Why is a woman like a KFC?

Because when you've finished with the breast and the thigh, all you're left with is a greasy box to put your bone in

Hahaha I'm stealing that 1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't sold a single copy of my autobiography.

That's the story of my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My chiropractor and I got into this terrible fight in the middle of my neck treatment.

Now I have to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My mate opened a nightclub for 'Men with erectile dysfunction'

Apparently it was a total flop & no1 came

lol"

I had this on my status and got complained at, I thought it was funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where do bad rainbows go?

Prism, but its a light sentence.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Where do bad rainbows go?

Prism, but its a light sentence."

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

This is such an awesome thread, really loving it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is such an awesome thread, really loving it "

Thank you

. I’m sure some people probably eye roll at my joke threads, but they seem to cheer people up, which is why I do it.

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By *haggydogMan
over a year ago

Brooklands/London

It's not really appropriate for me to make a dad joke. I'm not a dad.

It would be a faux pa.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where does a General keep his armies? In his sleevies.

Stupid joke but always makes me giggle

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By *haggydogMan
over a year ago

Brooklands/London

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

I was sat in heavy traffic yesterday. And got run over.

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere

What do bees like with their sushi?

Wasa-bee

What do you get when you cross a doorbell and a bee?

A hum-dinger

What does a bee use to style her hair?

A honey comb

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad was a simple man, my mother was a simple woman and they have made me what I am. A simpleton

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By *5funMan
over a year ago

carisbrooke

Why did the seaman cross the road?…..

Because I put on the wrong socks this morning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's white, slimey and moves across the dance floor?

Come dancing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I made my girlfriend moan, squirm and scream all at the same time today.

I accidentally dropped the iron on her feet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is such an awesome thread, really loving it

Thank you

. I’m sure some people probably eye roll at my joke threads, but they seem to cheer people up, which is why I do it. "

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

"What do bees like with their sushi?

Wasa-bee

What do you get when you cross a doorbell and a bee?

A hum-dinger

What does a bee use to style her hair?

A honey comb"

What do you call a pair of bee's that surprise people?

Boo-bees

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By *etMeBeYourFantasyyMan
over a year ago

bournemouth

What do you call someone with no shin bones?

Tony

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did chicken say to the car?

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By *etMeBeYourFantasyyMan
over a year ago

bournemouth

When i die i want to be buried with my favourite records, as its my vinyl resting place

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the pink panther say when he trod on the ant

Dead ant dead ant … dead ant dead ant dead ant deadaaaaaant. Deadeadant deadant

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

Worst thing to say in a job interview:-

“Does your company block porno websites and how long do I get for toilet breaks? “

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

Ok I'll tell you a dad joke - not checked the others above so, sorry if I've copied!

What’s Forrest Gump’s Facebook password? 1forest1.

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By *ale32Man
over a year ago

blackburn

My mate said nothing rhymes with orange..

I said no it doesn’t

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

Why do dogs float in water? Because they are good buoys.

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By *ussexualMan
over a year ago

Brighton

When he was little, my kid asked me "where does poo come from"?

So, I always wanted to be honest with him and went in to a fairly detailed explanation.

After, he looked at me a bit puzzled, and said "what about Tigger"?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Apparently 30% of owners let their pet

sleep in their bed.

I tried it and my goldfish died.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently 30% of owners let their pet

sleep in their bed.

I tried it and my goldfish died."

You got that from Dad Says Jokes on Instagram/Twitter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

GF: I'm sick of you pretending you're a

detective. We should split up

ME: Good idea. We can cover more

ground that way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have bought my wife a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait for her face to light up when she opens it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I enjoyed playing touch Rugby this weekend. It’s definitely easier if you live there though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My yoga teacher attempted to have sex with me today.

She put me in a really awkward position.

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By *each loverMan
over a year ago

Fun town

Me : what's the difference between a chicken drumstick and a penis

Girl : I don't know what's the difference

Me : Want to come on a picnic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From Milton Jones:

I've heard that most football teams have a kit-man, but I've never seen one hurriedly assembled on the touch line.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My wife went on holiday to the Caribbean."

"Jamaica?"

"No, she went on her own accord"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's postman pat with no job?

Pat

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

She said but I want to lose my virginity riding a slapstick comedian.

I said you’re virgin on the ridiculous..

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By *lutonicMan
over a year ago

Leicester

"I always take my problems to Tommy

Hilfiger something out…"

Like it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you heard about the butcher that backed into his meat grinder?

He got a little behind on his work.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Have you heard about the butcher that backed into his meat grinder?

He got a little behind on his work."

I love how you find new ones I haven’t heard

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere

"What do bees like with their sushi?

Wasa-bee

What do you get when you cross a doorbell and a bee?

A hum-dinger

What does a bee use to style her hair?

A honey comb

What do you call a pair of bee's that surprise people?

Boo-bees"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have you heard about the butcher that backed into his meat grinder?

He got a little behind on his work.

I love how you find new ones I haven’t heard

I’ve got far too much time on my hands

A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting.

I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do bees like with their sushi?

Wasa-bee

What do you get when you cross a doorbell and a bee?

A hum-dinger

What does a bee use to style her hair?

A honey comb

What do you call a pair of bee's that surprise people?

Boo-bees

What do you call a Bee hive with no exits?

Unbelievable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the man who stole from a bakery? He was put into custardy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Her: I have a daddy kink

Me: you’re in luck because I just threw some burgers on the grill, champ

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By *ustina1954TV/TS
over a year ago

cardiff

I've just bought my wife a prosthetic leg for Christmas. It's not her main present, just a stocking filler...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What do bees like with their sushi?

Wasa-bee

What do you get when you cross a doorbell and a bee?

A hum-dinger

What does a bee use to style her hair?

A honey comb

What do you call a pair of bee's that surprise people?

Boo-bees

What do you call a Bee hive with no exits?

Unbelievable."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She said 'I'm offering my honour'. I said 'I'll honour your offer'. So I spent the day off her and on her.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

I had a joke about a pizza that I was going to tell you all, but... it was way too cheesy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't say my dad was mean, but I've still got the watch he sold me on his deathbed. I got the last laugh, I paid him by cheque.

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By *hampagne_Supernova_91Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Did you hear about the clown suing the circus after they sacked him?

He's having them for Funfair dismissal

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By *TK421-Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham

"Did you hear about the clown suing the circus after they sacked him?

He's having them for Funfair dismissal

Awh man that joke is like paper...

It's tearable......

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.

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By *ame-room-no-swapCouple
over a year ago

Taunton

I wanted some birdfood so I went to the pet food shop and asked the assistant

"Have you got fatballs?"

"No but I've got a thick cock" he replied.

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By *r SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle

Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just knocked down and killed Les Gray. My own fault for ignoring the Mud Ahead on the Road sign.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just passed a scruffy beggar singing Breakfast in America. I said to him 'That's Supertramp'. He said 'Thanks mate'.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

What did the Egg say to the pan of boiling water?

It's going to take a little while to get me hard ...I just got laid by some chick!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Crazy paving

It's not all it's cracked up to be

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

If you're pussy can fit 4 fingers it's no longer a pussy but a pocket

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By *unky_Fab_FellaMan
over a year ago

Nr Boston

Have you heard about the magic tractor?

It went down the road and turned into a field.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Dear Maths, grow up and solve your own problems.

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