FabSwingers.com forum: Fight or flight…..

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Fight or flight are quite well known responses to a trigger, but you can also respond with fawn or freeze.

Do you know which you do most, does it depend on the situation.

Are you aware of your responses and how to come out of it?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

It definitely does depend on the situation, I've also learned to not react instinctively/be "triggered" and respond because my fight/flight response has kicked in. For the most part I'd say I probably go for fight or fawn. I'm not one to freeze. And I don't flop (which is another response I heard of).

I guess I either try and pacify or sometimes I go in all guns blazing.

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By *m3232Man
over a year ago

maidenhead

Unless cornered always walk away. If cornered then it’s a fight.

I take it this is about a argument going on lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What would fawn be?

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I'm not really one for fighting, but I will do if diplomacy fails.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Generally have been a freezer, found out at a young age that caused less abuse. But I carried it on as an adult which is generally not served me well. So now I freeze go away and then come back fighting once I know I'm safe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Generally have been a freezer, found out at a young age that caused less abuse. But I carried it on as an adult which is generally not served me well. So now I freeze go away and then come back fighting once I know I'm safe."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends on the situation. I had an emotionally traumatic experience a few years ago and I let the hormones and emotions get the better of me. Looking back I wish I took more of a relaxed approach to it.

After that experience I try to look at everything with a level head, even if it's for a few seconds so as to not let the natural responses take over because they can still be the wrong choice with significant implications.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What would fawn be?"

It’s like a people pleasing response…

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

Access then act..

Part of my work is at a height so have a trained responsible now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I’ve typically had a freeze response, but I’ve worked on my feeling of safety, and that has helped.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What would fawn be?

It’s like a people pleasing response…"

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

Fight is generally my natural response. I've learnt to control it more as I've matured, and whilst I still won't usually have a flight response, my fight reactions are a good deal calmer on the whole.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I’ve typically had a freeze response, but I’ve worked on my feeling of safety, and that has helped."

For me I need that break from it. I grew up with any emotional response e.g. crying would make things worse. So now I need time to understand what it is I'm exactly feeling and the rationale behind it. Then I can come back and argue my side. For me this isn't just about home life it's work etc as well.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Freeze

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to be very calm in dangerous situations. Things seem to slow down, almost slow motion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the situation.

Violence or anger and I'll freeze. (abusive childhood)

Challenge me or have a go i'll fight back (not physically).

If something is unbearable it'll be flight.

Fawn I'd have to think about as I'm not sure if I do that and when if I do. That's a new one to me.

But I'll have a read up so thanks for posting.

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

"I tend to be very calm in dangerous situations. Things seem to slow down, almost slow motion. "

I know what you're saying seems to be playout in front of you like it's on tv..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends on the situation.

Violence or anger and I'll freeze. (abusive childhood)

Challenge me or have a go i'll fight back (not physically).

If something is unbearable it'll be flight.

Fawn I'd have to think about as I'm not sure if I do that and when if I do. That's a new one to me.

But I'll have a read up so thanks for posting.

You’re welcome

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Freeze"

Are you aware when you’re in freeze?

I heard it described as getting on a spaceship and flying away the other day.

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

I freeze and I know it. It’s crippling but fortunately after a time in my life when it caused significant distress when I should have run or fought, I have learned to deal with it.

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

"I freeze and I know it. It’s crippling but fortunately after a time in my life when it caused significant distress when I should have run or fought, I have learned to deal with it.

I should add, that’s emotionally, I’ve been in dangerous situations and generally when dealing with physical situations I am calm and clear of thought and generally take the lead.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Freeze

Are you aware when you’re in freeze?

I heard it described as getting on a spaceship and flying away the other day."

Oh yes.

Like Rachael my whole world slows down. But so do I. It's like being sat on, or trying to run through molasses. I want to do things but I just can't. It's a very primitive survival mechanism, like play dead. I have to wait to let it pass. It's unbelievably frustrating.

I try to learn to preempt it, prevent it.

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

local, but not too local

I’m the opposite, so I tend to be an adrenaline addict.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If its a situation involving others it's always de-escalate so I guess at an instinctive level it is fawn or flight. That said, my main desire is to rationalise so I try hard not to go on instinct and almost never get the fight response.

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

Assuming Op you are really referring to human stressors rather than stepping in front of a car! It depends on type of situation and how the situation develops. With sufficient warning and if humour doesnt work just walk away. Little is worth the risks and consequences for the sake of false pride.

It helps to consider in advance what you would really fight for, and therefore what is not worth it (a surprising amount). If it matters a lot then you should be considering it in your actions before the crisis occurs. This also makes it easier to respond with certainty and use the cortisol/adrenaline rather than be overwhelmed by it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I tend to be very calm in dangerous situations. Things seem to slow down, almost slow motion.

I know what you're saying seems to be playout in front of you like it's on tv.."

That’s right. I’m disconnected from the emotion and find I can think pretty clearly.

My sleeve was dragged into a big sander a couple of days ago. It hurt and was quite frightening as the it bunched material from my wrist to my shoulder, pinning me to it having forced my arm to bend until my hand was against my face.

As it growled at me, stalled by the material jamming it, I reached beneath it to find the stop button.

Freeing myself took a while as I cut away my fleece, being careful not to damage myself further.

I was calm throughout.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some really interesting responses here.

The people who’ve learnt to deal with it, what do you do?

I’ve learnt my triggers, and practice conscious awareness of my thought processes, so I can recognise them when they happen.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

I'm not easily triggered and have good control of my emotions. Natural impulse is fight though with age and experience, deconfliction, if possible is the preferred approach.

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By *he AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara

After a lifetime of contacts sports, and having to try make the on the spot decision to get involved /dragged in that will most definitely end up with a red card or worse situation , or let it go walk away, I got very used to the Fight option

But I have learned later in life,,

When it kicks of and someone is dead set on starting with you,,

Silence is the best weapon, for most people in most situations are all blow,, talk a great game, and most people shit themselves when confronted with total silence in responce, if the can't get a read on you, they back down and walk away,,

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"After a lifetime of contacts sports, and having to try make the on the spot decision to get involved /dragged in that will most definitely end up with a red card or worse situation , or let it go walk away, I got very used to the Fight option

But I have learned later in life,,

When it kicks of and someone is dead set on starting with you,,

That requires a calm approach I should think?

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By *he AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara

But I have learned later in life,,

When it kicks of and someone is dead set on starting with you,,

That requires a calm approach I should think? "
yes and a lot of confidence in your own abilities,,

But it works,, and it Deffo works if you can give them the evil eyes while smiling all the while in silence.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

De-escalation - flight - fight

No longer interested in conflict and would rather remove myself from those situations where possible.

Not someone who fawns or freezes.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Some really interesting responses here.

The people who’ve learnt to deal with it, what do you do?

I’ve learnt my triggers, and practice conscious awareness of my thought processes, so I can recognise them when they happen."

Be aware of potential triggers and signs that things are going downhill. Get out if I can, failing that disengage. Failing that, if I have warning time (sometimes it does sneak up out of nowhere), prepare for when it's over and I have to pull myself together again

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Naturally I fight but I’ve learned to control it , especially at work and play politics a little to advance rather than get my own way all the time . Hot heads rarely advance.

Control it through self awareness, meditation etc. For every trigger there a space before responding. When you meditate you learn to own that space and decide how to respond

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Naturally I fight but I’ve learned to control it , especially at work and play politics a little to advance rather than get my own way all the time . Hot heads rarely advance.

Control it through self awareness, meditation etc. For every trigger there a space before responding. When you meditate you learn to own that space and decide how to respond "

Yes. Space before the trigger is exactly it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

But I have learned later in life,,

When it kicks of and someone is dead set on starting with you,,

That requires a calm approach I should think? yes and a lot of confidence in your own abilities,,

But it works,, and it Deffo works if you can give them the evil eyes while smiling all the while in silence. "

I like the sound of that

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Some really interesting responses here.

The people who’ve learnt to deal with it, what do you do?

I’ve learnt my triggers, and practice conscious awareness of my thought processes, so I can recognise them when they happen."

Step away. Not take full responsibility for a situation (unless of course, I should), assess what's actually gone on and engage my rationality rather than my feelings.

I think because I feel emotions quite strongly, it's best if I remove myself from the situation and give my self time and space to process and then reengage. Else you end up with a situation where the person is on the receiving end of my rather sharp, incredibly pedantic (and confident in my knowledge) tongue or one in which I self flagellate to try and make the other person feel better.

Neither serves either of us particularly well and I know exactly why in younger years I responded in one of those ways.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Some really interesting responses here.

The people who’ve learnt to deal with it, what do you do?

I’ve learnt my triggers, and practice conscious awareness of my thought processes, so I can recognise them when they happen.

Sounds like you’re well aware.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Naturally I fight but I’ve learned to control it , especially at work and play politics a little to advance rather than get my own way all the time . Hot heads rarely advance.

Control it through self awareness, meditation etc. For every trigger there a space before responding. When you meditate you learn to own that space and decide how to respond "

Have you heard of practicing the pause?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Some really interesting responses here.

The people who’ve learnt to deal with it, what do you do?

I’ve learnt my triggers, and practice conscious awareness of my thought processes, so I can recognise them when they happen.

Step away. Not take full responsibility for a situation (unless of course, I should), assess what's actually gone on and engage my rationality rather than my feelings.

Neither serves either of us particularly well and I know exactly why in younger years I responded in one of those ways."

That sounds like you’re pretty self aware.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a little ball of rage at times so definitely more fight than flight much to my noses dismay

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m a little ball of rage at times so definitely more fight than flight much to my noses dismay "

Oops

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Some really interesting responses here.

The people who’ve learnt to deal with it, what do you do?

I’ve learnt my triggers, and practice conscious awareness of my thought processes, so I can recognise them when they happen.

Sounds like you’re well aware. "

I've needed to be. I dissociate when I get fully into freeze, and that can be dangerous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m a little ball of rage at times so definitely more fight than flight much to my noses dismay

Oops "

Heavily bullied when I was younger so it’s just natural now

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By *aseMan
over a year ago

Gourock

Have you heard the one, Will jump off at paisley...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn’t realise this until someone at work jumped out at me wearing a mask. Next thing I knew I was being restrained because I’d threw a punch. Luckily I missed and everyone had a good laugh about it afterwards.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn’t realise this until someone at work jumped out at me wearing a mask. Next thing I knew I was being restrained because I’d threw a punch. Luckily I missed and everyone had a good laugh about it afterwards. "

I know not to scare you in Fiume when you're on the toilet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know not to scare you in Fiume when you're on the toilet

As long as you’re not wearing a Pennywise mask I think you’d be alright. Although I’d be wondering why you’re in the mens toilets

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Flight. My natural instinct is to run but if I feel cornered with no way out then I fight.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Some really interesting responses here.

The people who’ve learnt to deal with it, what do you do?

I’ve learnt my triggers, and practice conscious awareness of my thought processes, so I can recognise them when they happen.

Sounds like you’re well aware.

I've needed to be. I dissociate when I get fully into freeze, and that can be dangerous. "

Me too. Dissociation can be scary.

I’ve learnt not to so much.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m a little ball of rage at times so definitely more fight than flight much to my noses dismay

Oops

Heavily bullied when I was younger so it’s just natural now "

I’m sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just tie me up I say

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I go into a panic and concentrate on my breathing to get my heart rate down.

If there was someone/thing there to fight I'd be swinging hooks at them.

I'm not a runner.

I have been paralysed in bed before though, probably due to oxygen or something.

It wasn't a nice feeling and I went back onto my medication afterwards.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Some really interesting responses here.

The people who’ve learnt to deal with it, what do you do?

I’ve learnt my triggers, and practice conscious awareness of my thought processes, so I can recognise them when they happen.

Sounds like you’re well aware.

I've needed to be. I dissociate when I get fully into freeze, and that can be dangerous.

Me too. Dissociation can be scary.

I’ve learnt not to so much.

Yeah. I get why it happens, but it's not practical (understatement, lol) so I've worked hard to try to prevent it if I see it coming

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After 22 years on the front line I'm afraid most of my responses would be fight it's what I'm trained to do

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I know places and things that will cause a panic attack, so I mentally prepare myself and know that I can get out of them if I want to.

I don't like it dictating my life, so I tend to walk right in and go into my bubble.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

It's an interesting thing that I've thought about a lot. With anger and aggression I tend to bolt, just remove myself as far as I can get from the situation. When startled though my natural inclination is to fight, and that is a difficult thing to work on. I know where the behaviour has its roots and I'm much more aware than I used to be, but still if say someone jumps out on me as a practical joke my instinct is to punch or kick.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's an interesting thing that I've thought about a lot. With anger and aggression I tend to bolt, just remove myself as far as I can get from the situation. When startled though my natural inclination is to fight, and that is a difficult thing to work on. I know where the behaviour has its roots and I'm much more aware than I used to be, but still if say someone jumps out on me as a practical joke my instinct is to punch or kick."

Instinct still probably plays a big part, when we are startled I think…

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I go into a panic and concentrate on my breathing to get my heart rate down.

If there was someone/thing there to fight I'd be swinging hooks at them.

I'm not a runner.

I have been paralysed in bed before though, probably due to oxygen or something.

It wasn't a nice feeling and I went back onto my medication afterwards.

I’m sorry to hear that

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By *urplechesterCouple
over a year ago

chester

I think we’re both naturally flighty types, but sometimes when you’re pushed to your limit you’ve got to stick up for yourself, in a non fighty way of course!

Miss pc

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

My immediate response is to dominate the situation with calm firm Intimidation and if buttons are further pushed then restraint is the end result

If they back down then negotiations will ensue diffusing the situation

I hate fighting and if I'm jump surprised then laughter is my reaction

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m a little ball of rage at times so definitely more fight than flight much to my noses dismay

Oops

Heavily bullied when I was younger so it’s just natural now

I’m sorry

it’s ok it wasn’t you, or was it???

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m a little ball of rage at times so definitely more fight than flight much to my noses dismay

Oops

Heavily bullied when I was younger so it’s just natural now

I’m sorry

it’s ok it wasn’t you, or was it???

*checks diary, nope, not in the Scotland area at that time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Naturally I fight but I’ve learned to control it , especially at work and play politics a little to advance rather than get my own way all the time . Hot heads rarely advance.

Control it through self awareness, meditation etc. For every trigger there a space before responding. When you meditate you learn to own that space and decide how to respond

Have you heard of practicing the pause?"

No but I think I do it. I feel I’m actually one or two steps ahead most the time now, aware of how I would naturally react to what’s being said or done and deciding to have a different response that’s a better one, even going through options in the moment without needing to pause.

I say most the time, when I’m very stressed or emotional, old habits come back and I naturally compete , fight and need to win. But it happens much less , hardly ever now

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By *erbert the pervertMan
over a year ago

party in your panties

I always seek pleasure and avoid pain

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fight. By that I mean lash out generally, react with anger but not necessarily physically. I’m getting better at recognising that and suppressing it.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"My immediate response is to dominate the situation with calm firm Intimidation and if buttons are further pushed then restraint is the end result

If they back down then negotiations will ensue diffusing the situation

I hate fighting and if I'm jump surprised then laughter is my reaction

I do this too. I use my old behaviour as an act sometimes, it works , it’s great when complaining , asking for refunds or negotiation. I tone it down a bit. I’d never make it personal , but in a business setting it’s acceptable I think and it really works. Like pretending to be really angry !

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Fight. By that I mean lash out generally, react with anger but not necessarily physically. I’m getting better at recognising that and suppressing it. "

It’s ok to feel the anger, and experience the emotion imo, it’s what you do with it that counts I think.

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