FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Is it really just about the orgasm?

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Reading the who cums first thread, it seems the orgasm is the main event for a lot of people. For me that’s missing out on a huge part of sex, I can have a mind blowing experience without having an orgasm, and having one is just the cherry on top.

Is it really about the orgasm for most?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

I cum pretty easily and a lot but it isn't about my orgasm for me and its taking me some time to adjust to playing with someone who doesn't cum quickly and some yes not at all. I just want to make him cum as I want him to enjoy our meets and that's what I think makes them enjoyable. He assures me it's not.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No it isn't. There is so much more to sex for both men and women.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It's not for me but I don't know about other people.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

If it was all about orgasm for me, then I'd be disappointed by most sexual activity. I struggle to cum at all, ever, even on my own.

I get much more pleasure from the whole thing than the end thing

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Some of the best sex I’ve had has been when I didn’t cum

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great ending. But it doesn’t define the act, for me anyways

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't orgasm with men and although it would be nice to change that - I have a great time nonetheless! I find huge pleasure in other things and an orgasm would merely be a bonus. I do love for the man to come though.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/02/22 07:56:47]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s definitely not for me, I enjoy all the build up, the kissing the touching, the teasing just as much !

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham


"Some of the best sex I’ve had has been when I didn’t cum

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great ending. But it doesn’t define the act, for me anyways "

To tact onto this, funnily enough one of my biggest struggles with new female partners is getting them to understand and accept that for me, not having an orgasm isn’t a problem.

It’s a long battle, so many women seem to be conditioned that if a man doesn’t orgasm it means a bunch of other things

It was bad sex

He isn’t attracted to me

I did something wrong

It’s a serious uphill battle to beat those ingrained ideas and I’ve yet to find a single woman that didn’t hold those ideas in some ways

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I won't lie... I'm disappointed when either one of us doesn't orgasm. I orgasm fairly easily so if I don't then it normally means that something isn't quite right.

I like my partner to orgasm too. I enjoy watching them and experiencing it with them.

Having said that, it isn't all about the end result, it's how you get there. So no. Not all about the orgasm but for me it's a part of the experience that I find incredibly enjoyable.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

No, I don't think an orgasm is the be all and end all of sex.

I do love come though and generally for that to be produced (unless I'm going down the ruined orgasm route), there has to be an orgasm.

I come relatively easily with the right partner but I don't expect them to with me. As long as I can tell they're genuinely enjoying it and in the moment, I'm happy. Sex is about the journey more than the destination (got to finish on a twee soundbite).

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"Is it really about the orgasm for most? "

I hope not, given we ruin so many orgasms and people say they still have fun!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Good to read it’s not just me .

I think either party can not cum, and it’s ok, because it just doesn’t always happen.

It’s just as much about the foreplay, and the act itself isn’t it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Is it really about the orgasm for most?

I hope not, given we ruin so many orgasms and people say they still have fun!"

I don’t think I get this though, can you expand on this……

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I want an orgasm I'll just have a wank.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If I want an orgasm I'll just have a wank. "

Haha, I hear this

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

I'd say it was more important for men, maybe not all but most of us, myself included.

The longer it can be prelonged the better but not just in terms of the final act, my mind goes to some very pleasurable places.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"Is it really about the orgasm for most?

I hope not, given we ruin so many orgasms and people say they still have fun!

I don’t think I get this though, can you expand on this……"

A ruined orgasm is when you stop erm... stimulating someone just as they/before they hit that orgasmic state, so they kind of end up having a damp squib of one rather than fireworks.

One of the best experiences I've had of this involved using a fleshlight on a man and stopping at a certain point so he still ejaculated but didn't orgasm in the traditional big way.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Absoulutley not! That's just the icing on the cake! I enjoy it all! And if there was no orgasam that's fine2! I use my "stored" adventures at later date to facilitate my alone play times!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Is it really about the orgasm for most?

I hope not, given we ruin so many orgasms and people say they still have fun!

I don’t think I get this though, can you expand on this……

A ruined orgasm is when you stop erm... stimulating someone just as they/before they hit that orgasmic state, so they kind of end up having a damp squib of one rather than fireworks.

One of the best experiences I've had of this involved using a fleshlight on a man and stopping at a certain point so he still ejaculated but didn't orgasm in the traditional big way. "

I know what it is, but I don’t understand the point of it, other than as a submissive experience?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is it really about the orgasm for most?

I hope not, given we ruin so many orgasms and people say they still have fun!

I don’t think I get this though, can you expand on this……

A ruined orgasm is when you stop erm... stimulating someone just as they/before they hit that orgasmic state, so they kind of end up having a damp squib of one rather than fireworks.

One of the best experiences I've had of this involved using a fleshlight on a man and stopping at a certain point so he still ejaculated but didn't orgasm in the traditional big way. "

Cruel

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *entlemanFoxMan
over a year ago

North East / London


"No, I don't think an orgasm is the be all and end all of sex.

I do love come though and generally for that to be produced (unless I'm going down the ruined orgasm route), there has to be an orgasm.

I come relatively easily with the right partner but I don't expect them to with me. As long as I can tell they're genuinely enjoying it and in the moment, I'm happy. Sex is about the journey more than the destination (got to finish on a twee soundbite)."

I was going to comment with a thoughtful and dazzling insight, but this has what I was going to write, just better. Thanks Meli.

Q

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

I liked Meli’s phrase….

Sex is about the journey, not the destination and every journey is different.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *entlemanFoxMan
over a year ago

North East / London

DC - Morning, Snap.

Hippychick - love the new avatar BTW.

Q

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire


"DC - Morning, Snap.

Hippychick - love the new avatar BTW.

Q"

Morning Q

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"DC - Morning, Snap.

Hippychick - love the new avatar BTW.

Q"

Thank you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *traight_no_iceMan
over a year ago

Stoke

Personally I give priority to my partner’s orgasm and Consciously, while having sex I want my partner to orgasm. If it does not happen, it is ok. And if I do not orgasm, it is ok too. The most important is to have fun and a good time.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

So much more to sex than an orgasm. The build up can be the most intense and erotic experience.

We’ve had meets where I’ve not had an orgasm but it’s been pretty amazing joining in and getting everyone enjoying the experience.

K

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So much more to sex than an orgasm. The build up can be the most intense and erotic experience.

We’ve had meets where I’ve not had an orgasm but it’s been pretty amazing joining in and getting everyone enjoying the experience.

K"

I’m happy to read so many people don’t put so much emphasis on it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Definitely not, so much more to it than the O.

Just because one or more of you might not orgasm it does not mean that either party hasn’t enjoyed it. It is such a small part of the whole experience for me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Reading the who cums first thread, it seems the orgasm is the main event for a lot of people. For me that’s missing out on a huge part of sex, I can have a mind blowing experience without having an orgasm, and having one is just the cherry on top.

Is it really about the orgasm for most? "

Actually I've given this a bit of thought. Maybe those on the thread were just answering the question? It was after all a thread about orgasms. Judging by the responses here, many don't think an orgasm is the be all and end all.

It's easy to jump conclusions from just one discussion starting point as people's answers will be in line with that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Reading the who cums first thread, it seems the orgasm is the main event for a lot of people. For me that’s missing out on a huge part of sex, I can have a mind blowing experience without having an orgasm, and having one is just the cherry on top.

Is it really about the orgasm for most?

Actually I've given this a bit of thought. Maybe those on the thread were just answering the question? It was after all a thread about orgasms. Judging by the responses here, many don't think an orgasm is the be all and end all.

It's easy to jump conclusions from just one discussion starting point as people's answers will be in line with that. "

Yes, I agree, and that kind of why I asked the question.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"

I was going to comment with a thoughtful and dazzling insight, but this has what I was going to write, just better. Thanks Meli.

Q"

Aww, thank you! That's a lovely acknowledgement of my post and has made me smile on a rather dreary day.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling


"So much more to sex than an orgasm. The build up can be the most intense and erotic experience.

We’ve had meets where I’ve not had an orgasm but it’s been pretty amazing joining in and getting everyone enjoying the experience.

K

I’m happy to read so many people don’t put so much emphasis on it "

While I'm not pointing fingers at people that have posted here, statistically though at least one person that has commented will be bullshitting and the orgasm means more to them than they are letting on.

I gain so much of my own pleasure by giving/causing it for another. The orgasm is the embodiment of that, theirs not mine. That's not to say if they don't it's all ruined especially since pleasure is shown in so many different and subtle ways, the subtle ones being some of the more erotic and sexy.

Shit... Maybe I'm one of those that is bullshitting...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We experimented with tease and denial a few years ago during which we learned my wife gets very cranky if she doesn't get a happy ending.

I wouldn't say it's all about the orgasm but I would say we both expect them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Depends on my mood and who I’m with.

Of course I like long sensual sex sessions where you tease each other for ages before getting down to it. And no, maybe the cum is not the priority, just the closeness. That has a time and a place though.

But I also love it when men cum quickly. Even super quickly. That turns me on. Either before you even get to enjoy his cock fully or just from a quickie where he’s bent me over and slotted it in for 5 minutes whilst waiting for his poached eggs to cook.

And I enjoy looking at a sticky deflated cum covered cock.

I don’t, however, enjoy being pounded for ages. I’m not a butter churn.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me it’s every aspect even down to awkwardly falling off the bed, laughing at each other and carrying on

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Interesting how a lot of people are linking not cumming with orgasm denial or edging etc. Sometimes, some people simply cannot cum. It doesn't work, it's broken. It's nothing to do with teasing or denial but plain and simple defective goods. I still enjoy sex though

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Interesting how a lot of people are linking not cumming with orgasm denial or edging etc. Sometimes, some people simply cannot cum. It doesn't work, it's broken. It's nothing to do with teasing or denial but plain and simple defective goods. I still enjoy sex though "

It’s quite common for women to find it hard to orgasm, or to not orgasm at all, and the pressure makes it worse doesn’t it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago

Stirling

For me sex is about pleasure, pleasure can be found in many things, a simple touch, kiss, spank can send my mind racing, whilst I adore a great orgasm and I enjoy seeing someone writhing in ecstasy it’s not everything.

I’ve had many sexual experiences that have taken my mind to a place of deep sensual pleasure and that feeling of weightlessness, euphoria almost that takes over my body - I may not cum but the sensation has made me think wow!

Connection and chemistry and that tingling feeling that courses through both as you get lost in the moment is just as good as an orgasm with the right person xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can have mind-blowing sex without an orgasm, I too struggle to have them but still enjoy myself

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"Interesting how a lot of people are linking not cumming with orgasm denial or edging etc. Sometimes, some people simply cannot cum. It doesn't work, it's broken. It's nothing to do with teasing or denial but plain and simple defective goods. I still enjoy sex though "

A lot of people?...

You are right though, someone not being able to come doesn't have to be linked to orgasm denial/control. We tend to write from our experiences and possibly, unintentionally, exclude other possibilities.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"For me sex is about pleasure, pleasure can be found in many things, a simple touch, kiss, spank can send my mind racing, whilst I adore a great orgasm and I enjoy seeing someone writhing in ecstasy it’s not everything.

I’ve had many sexual experiences that have taken my mind to a place of deep sensual pleasure and that feeling of weightlessness, euphoria almost that takes over my body - I may not cum but the sensation has made me think wow!

Connection and chemistry and that tingling feeling that courses through both as you get lost in the moment is just as good as an orgasm with the right person xx"

Love this . This is exactly it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Interesting how a lot of people are linking not cumming with orgasm denial or edging etc. Sometimes, some people simply cannot cum. It doesn't work, it's broken. It's nothing to do with teasing or denial but plain and simple defective goods. I still enjoy sex though

It’s quite common for women to find it hard to orgasm, or to not orgasm at all, and the pressure makes it worse doesn’t it."

Yes, it does. My issue is nerve damage so no amount of trickery will overcome it. Sometimes I can cum but often I can't. Too many people see this as some sort of challenge though

Mr KC understands, he knows how to pleasure me, he knows me cumming is not the be all and end all so I can be truly relaxed with him.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't cum or orgasm with someone or on my own. It's amazing how many ask me do I enjoy sex because of this.

I love sex, love kissing, love oral, love feeling wanted, love hearing a guy moan to my touch so for me it's the journey not the destination.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Depends on my mood and who I’m with.

Of course I like long sensual sex sessions where you tease each other for ages before getting down to it. And no, maybe the cum is not the priority, just the closeness. That has a time and a place though.

But I also love it when men cum quickly. Even super quickly. That turns me on. Either before you even get to enjoy his cock fully or just from a quickie where he’s bent me over and slotted it in for 5 minutes whilst waiting for his poached eggs to cook.

And I enjoy looking at a sticky deflated cum covered cock.

I don’t, however, enjoy being pounded for ages. I’m not a butter churn.

"

Hmmm does cum turn to butter if it's pounded

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

Nope, I agree with you.

There is so much more to enjoy, so much more sensations and ways to bring pleasure to each other.

If the orgasm is the main focus for someone, then they (or their partner) probably aren't having great sex.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

No it isn't but at the same time I don't enjoy feeling like someone doesn't care if I never do. So I guess I want things to be somewhere in between.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No it isn't but at the same time I don't enjoy feeling like someone doesn't care if I never do. So I guess I want things to be somewhere in between. "

Yes this!

The journey people not the ending people.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Journey not a destination

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Interesting how a lot of people are linking not cumming with orgasm denial or edging etc. Sometimes, some people simply cannot cum. It doesn't work, it's broken. It's nothing to do with teasing or denial but plain and simple defective goods. I still enjoy sex though "

I mentioned it because I'd taken the discussion as being whether people choose to make sex about the orgasm or not (opposed to whether sex can be enjoyable for those that can't/don't).

Contrary to what many are saying I know that for my wife she isn't satisfied if she doesn't have at least one.

Personally one is quite enough but I also would feel the act was incomplete without an orgasm.

That doesn't mean our sex is better than people who don't have them for whatever reason, I can only answer about my own experiences, but in direct answer to the original question I'd say orgasms are a very motivating factor for us (and to be honest I'd assumed that's what they're for but maybe that's another topic).

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I orgasm so very easily that if I don't have at least one orgasm then something has gone very badly awry.

Because of that I do worry if my partner doesn't orgasm that he hasn't enjoyed himself or doesn't find me arousing. It's a conversation that I tend to have quite early on if I'm with a partner who hasn't climaxed: is he enjoying himself or is there something he'd prefer me to do/stop doing.

As long as he's enjoying himself then it's all good.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"No it isn't but at the same time I don't enjoy feeling like someone doesn't care if I never do. So I guess I want things to be somewhere in between. "

This is also a very valid point

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

After you cum, you comeback to your senses lol

Think that's why most folks are just after the orgasm, I like playing a board game after sex haha

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling


"No it isn't but at the same time I don't enjoy feeling like someone doesn't care if I never do. So I guess I want things to be somewhere in between. "

Its not so much about not caring if you do, more that both parties enjoy regardless.

Personally I care, my intent is to make who I'm with orgasm. Does it happen everytime? No, of course not. But if it doesn't and so long as everything else was pleasurable, enjoyable, and satisfying then I won't let it affect me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *imandher123456Couple
over a year ago

gosport

Male half here ,for me I seem to be able to orgasm maybe 50% of the time , sometimes you can get lost chasing it , so when that happens I'm happier to not have one than spend ages in my head trying to push it , which is never a good ending , I also find that concentrating on enabling my wife to be in the zone gives me a massive amount of mental pleasure, in fact pretty much even more than me actually having an orgasm , so I would say for me , no it's not just about the orgasm

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth


"If it was all about orgasm for me, then I'd be disappointed by most sexual activity. I struggle to cum at all, ever, even on my own.

I get much more pleasure from the whole thing than the end thing "

Exactly this. I enjoy the kissing, the touching, the whole lead up just as much. And the cuddles after.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After you cum, you comeback to your senses lol

Think that's why most folks are just after the orgasm, I like playing a board game after sex haha"

When they cum the horny goggles fall off.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you


"After you cum, you comeback to your senses lol

Think that's why most folks are just after the orgasm, I like playing a board game after sex haha

When they cum the horny goggles fall off. "

Haha reminds me of the song 'back to life, back to reality'

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"No it isn't but at the same time I don't enjoy feeling like someone doesn't care if I never do. So I guess I want things to be somewhere in between.

Its not so much about not caring if you do, more that both parties enjoy regardless.

Personally I care, my intent is to make who I'm with orgasm. Does it happen everytime? No, of course not. But if it doesn't and so long as everything else was pleasurable, enjoyable, and satisfying then I won't let it affect me. "

I've had a relationship of a year where I did twice while we were having sex in the entire time and they were mostly my own doing but he regularly got to cum. I tried to talk to him about it but he wasn't interested in the things that would have helped me get there. That's the most extreme example and I was young and wouldn't put up with that now but I've had experiences since where a few months in I'm still in that boat despite attempts to improve the situation and I've genuinely called things off over it. It sounds dramatic but it feels so demeaning and for me feels like it's not a good sign for other aspects of the relationship going forward.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

See it's kind of a yes and no answer for me. I don't care if it doesn't happen each time. But I do get a massive thrill watching a man cum, and see how their body reacts and the noises they make. I would miss that if it never was to occur again to be honest.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For myself no it’s not all about the orgasm. I absolutely love foreplay and kissing. That moment just before you undress is so special, you almost get an orgasm in your mind knowing what’s to come

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling


"Personally I care, my intent is to make who I'm with orgasm. Does it happen everytime? No, of course not. But if it doesn't and so long as everything else was pleasurable, enjoyable, and satisfying then I won't let it affect me.

I've had a relationship of a year where I did twice while we were having sex in the entire time and they were mostly my own doing but he regularly got to cum. I tried to talk to him about it but he wasn't interested in the things that would have helped me get there. That's the most extreme example and I was young and wouldn't put up with that now but I've had experiences since where a few months in I'm still in that boat despite attempts to improve the situation and I've genuinely called things off over it. It sounds dramatic but it feels so demeaning and for me feels like it's not a good sign for other aspects of the relationship going forward. "

Ohhhh! You actually mean they have no interest in it. I get you, yes. That's a big difference and I misunderstood.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

Whilst I agree it's not the most important thing about sex, it is definitely the perfect ending for a sexual experience...an orgasm is one of, if not the greatest natural pleasures the human body can experience. Everything else until that point is just as important...the kissing, touching, the body to body sensuality, feeling her all around me, her feeling me inside her...and prolonging this as much as possible until the moment of orgasm. If all the other ingredients are there except the orgasm, it just doesn't feel right for me. I had only one experience where I was in a relationship with a woman who could never orgasm during sex, but had no problem orgasm through masturbation, so that shows the problem is clearly ME, your body or mind is rejecting ME (for whatever reason).

So is the orgasm the most important thing about sex? No! If it was, everyone would be just racing to the end

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No it isn't but at the same time I don't enjoy feeling like someone doesn't care if I never do. So I guess I want things to be somewhere in between. "

Yes - my last partner didn't make any attempt to help me orgasm and then he ghosted me. I've only just realised that! All too often I've said "it's hard for me to orgasm" and so...nothing. That's not good enough.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Going against the grain here but it kind of is for me. With the right person, I orgasm very easily. It's all part of it. I enjoy the journey but part of that journey for me is multiple orgasms along the way.

This doesn't happen with everyone and I don't expect it to so it really does depend on who I'm with. I can and do enjoy leading them to orgasm first. It depends on the scene, the person and a lot of other things.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Reading the who cums first thread, it seems the orgasm is the main event for a lot of people. For me that’s missing out on a huge part of sex, I can have a mind blowing experience without having an orgasm, and having one is just the cherry on top.

Is it really about the orgasm for most? "

I'm with ya on this

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London


"Personally I give priority to my partner’s orgasm and Consciously, while having sex I want my partner to orgasm. If it does not happen, it is ok. And if I do not orgasm, it is ok too. The most important is to have fun and a good time. "

I get what you're saying but prioritising an orgasm is pressure to have one and that won't happen for many women.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't care if I never came again during intercouse really, it's all about the whole experience. Yes coming is great, but I'd far rather have 4 hours of debauchery with no end than five minutes and an explosion. I just love the whole thing from foreplay onwards, trying to make the woman have the best time possible, and if that doesn't end in me coming it really isn't an issue for me at all.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London


"Whilst I agree it's not the most important thing about sex, it is definitely the perfect ending for a sexual experience...an orgasm is one of, if not the greatest natural pleasures the human body can experience. Everything else until that point is just as important...the kissing, touching, the body to body sensuality, feeling her all around me, her feeling me inside her...and prolonging this as much as possible until the moment of orgasm. If all the other ingredients are there except the orgasm, it just doesn't feel right for me. I had only one experience where I was in a relationship with a woman who could never orgasm during sex, but had no problem orgasm through masturbation, so that shows the problem is clearly ME, your body or mind is rejecting ME (for whatever reason).

So is the orgasm the most important thing about sex? No! If it was, everyone would be just racing to the end"

It is absolutely not you. At all.

It's physiology, pure and simple.

Why should anyone rely on someone else to achieve an orgasm? I've been single for 35 years and I charge of my own enjoyment, I don't expect any man to to anything other than occasionally do something nice I ask for to help me get there.

It's all in my control.

I daresay if I were in a relationship again then that would change due to familiarity.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"See it's kind of a yes and no answer for me. I don't care if it doesn't happen each time. But I do get a massive thrill watching a man cum, and see how their body reacts and the noises they make. I would miss that if it never was to occur again to be honest. "

I also agree with this, I love watching him cum, and I would miss it, even though it’s not the be all and end all.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Whilst I agree it's not the most important thing about sex, it is definitely the perfect ending for a sexual experience...an orgasm is one of, if not the greatest natural pleasures the human body can experience. Everything else until that point is just as important...the kissing, touching, the body to body sensuality, feeling her all around me, her feeling me inside her...and prolonging this as much as possible until the moment of orgasm. If all the other ingredients are there except the orgasm, it just doesn't feel right for me. I had only one experience where I was in a relationship with a woman who could never orgasm during sex, but had no problem orgasm through masturbation, so that shows the problem is clearly ME, your body or mind is rejecting ME (for whatever reason).

So is the orgasm the most important thing about sex? No! If it was, everyone would be just racing to the end"

The majority of women don't orgasm through penetrative sex. It's nothing to do with you not doing something right. I've never cum through penetrative sex alone in my entire life but could previously cum through masturbation, oral etc. It's harder nowadays to cum at all but if I do cum, it's never from penetrative sex, never from a dildo or vibrator and always from fingers or tongues. That's not because my male partner is doing something wrong but simply because of anatomy.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I wouldn't care if I never came again during intercouse really, it's all about the whole experience. Yes coming is great, but I'd far rather have 4 hours of debauchery with no end than five minutes and an explosion. I just love the whole thing from foreplay onwards, trying to make the woman have the best time possible, and if that doesn't end in me coming it really isn't an issue for me at all."

So what about the person you’re with? Do you feel like she should?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wouldn't care if I never came again during intercouse really, it's all about the whole experience. Yes coming is great, but I'd far rather have 4 hours of debauchery with no end than five minutes and an explosion. I just love the whole thing from foreplay onwards, trying to make the woman have the best time possible, and if that doesn't end in me coming it really isn't an issue for me at all."

If you're talking about 4 hours of actual sex I'll be honest that I'd be bored long before that.

Five minute sessions can be great. We still talk to each other and stuff after.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To me orgasm is the finite moment, I prefer the roadtrip myself

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *traight_no_iceMan
over a year ago

Stoke


"Personally I give priority to my partner’s orgasm and Consciously, while having sex I want my partner to orgasm. If it does not happen, it is ok. And if I do not orgasm, it is ok too. The most important is to have fun and a good time.

I get what you're saying but prioritising an orgasm is pressure to have one and that won't happen for many women."

The pressure is more in my mind, while trying to give the other person the best of times. I am not expecting the other person to come to orgasm. Sometimes this does not happen and I accept this. I never ask whether the other person had an orgasm, I am happy to have good, mutual fun.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"No it isn't but at the same time I don't enjoy feeling like someone doesn't care if I never do. So I guess I want things to be somewhere in between.

Yes - my last partner didn't make any attempt to help me orgasm and then he ghosted me. I've only just realised that! All too often I've said "it's hard for me to orgasm" and so...nothing. That's not good enough. "

Yes! I personally don't even find it that difficult which almost makes it feel worse. However I feel that someone saying they find it difficult should be taken to mean not to take it personally if they don't or ruin the experience by refusing to give up if its not happening even if the other person is bored or fed up. Too many take it to mean they can just not even try or worse, only concentrate on their own pleasure and forget about the other person's completely.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *3nsesMan
over a year ago

Dublin

It's absolutely all about my orgasm. I love the build up and the journey but they are also never the same if I don't reach my destination and for me that's an orgasm.

For the woman I don't really care - it's up to her to decide what important and what isn't and once she communicates that then I'll do my best to provide what she wants.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The end result always seemed the same for me. Like being a dude meant orgasms were limited, like it could only feel so good.

The excitement has always been making someone else explode and doing the things to make that more amazing

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Having gone for 10 years without any form of sexual touch apart from my own I did then go through a period of believing that the woman's orgasm was the ultimate goal every time.

I was almost 50 and had no idea of my own ability or skills but discovered very quickly that I did everything instinctively and if the woman didn't orgasm I assumed that was a failing on my part.

Over time though I have learned there are many forms of pleasure that don't involve orgasm so there is no guilt or frustration if it doesn't happen now as long as both parties have fun and are relaxed about it all.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

Hi op.

I orgasm ridiculously easily and very frequently. Even when sex has been mediocre overall I’ve orgasmed.

A great sexual experience has me cuming pretty much constantly - but for me the overall chemistry has to be great - hence I stopped doing instashags years ago.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No it isn't but at the same time I don't enjoy feeling like someone doesn't care if I never do. So I guess I want things to be somewhere in between.

Yes - my last partner didn't make any attempt to help me orgasm and then he ghosted me. I've only just realised that! All too often I've said "it's hard for me to orgasm" and so...nothing. That's not good enough.

Yes! I personally don't even find it that difficult which almost makes it feel worse. However I feel that someone saying they find it difficult should be taken to mean not to take it personally if they don't or ruin the experience by refusing to give up if its not happening even if the other person is bored or fed up. Too many take it to mean they can just not even try or worse, only concentrate on their own pleasure and forget about the other person's completely. "

Yes sadly true and I let them get away with it. Not again!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *omesticflightMan
over a year ago

Burton-on-Trent

[Removed by poster at 02/02/22 10:27:30]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *omesticflightMan
over a year ago

Burton-on-Trent

The point of a dance isn't to get to the last step.

There is a bit of regret for me when I come, tbh. As in, "oh well, show's over"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The point of a dance isn't to get to the last step.

There is a bit of regret for me when I come, tbh. As in, "oh well, show's over""

But they do call it a climax

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hi op.

I orgasm ridiculously easily and very frequently. Even when sex has been mediocre overall I’ve orgasmed.

A great sexual experience has me cuming pretty much constantly - but for me the overall chemistry has to be great - hence I stopped doing instashags years ago. "

Lucky bitch

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iggyStarjumpsMan
over a year ago

Stockport

So many pleasures to enjoy in sex, orgasm is only one and not the most important for me

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *immerman100Man
over a year ago

Never never land


"Reading the who cums first thread, it seems the orgasm is the main event for a lot of people. For me that’s missing out on a huge part of sex, I can have a mind blowing experience without having an orgasm, and having one is just the cherry on top.

Is it really about the orgasm for most? "

Spot on I get pleasure giving pleasure yeah cuming is like the cherry on the cake but not the be all and end all of sex

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington


"Whilst I agree it's not the most important thing about sex, it is definitely the perfect ending for a sexual experience...an orgasm is one of, if not the greatest natural pleasures the human body can experience. Everything else until that point is just as important...the kissing, touching, the body to body sensuality, feeling her all around me, her feeling me inside her...and prolonging this as much as possible until the moment of orgasm. If all the other ingredients are there except the orgasm, it just doesn't feel right for me. I had only one experience where I was in a relationship with a woman who could never orgasm during sex, but had no problem orgasm through masturbation, so that shows the problem is clearly ME, your body or mind is rejecting ME (for whatever reason).

So is the orgasm the most important thing about sex? No! If it was, everyone would be just racing to the end

The majority of women don't orgasm through penetrative sex. It's nothing to do with you not doing something right. I've never cum through penetrative sex alone in my entire life but could previously cum through masturbation, oral etc. It's harder nowadays to cum at all but if I do cum, it's never from penetrative sex, never from a dildo or vibrator and always from fingers or tongues. That's not because my male partner is doing something wrong but simply because of anatomy. "

I never said it was only penetrative sex...either way, my point is that for me, sexual compatibility is just as important as mental and emotional compatibility. I understand that sometimes it's physiological and sometimes psychological, the reasons why someone cannot orgasm can be very complex...but if a woman had experienced orgasms before (through masturbtion or with someone else) but can't experience that with me...from my perspective we are simply not sexually compatible.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Not at all. Which is why I love tantra so much x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington


"Whilst I agree it's not the most important thing about sex, it is definitely the perfect ending for a sexual experience...an orgasm is one of, if not the greatest natural pleasures the human body can experience. Everything else until that point is just as important...the kissing, touching, the body to body sensuality, feeling her all around me, her feeling me inside her...and prolonging this as much as possible until the moment of orgasm. If all the other ingredients are there except the orgasm, it just doesn't feel right for me. I had only one experience where I was in a relationship with a woman who could never orgasm during sex, but had no problem orgasm through masturbation, so that shows the problem is clearly ME, your body or mind is rejecting ME (for whatever reason).

So is the orgasm the most important thing about sex? No! If it was, everyone would be just racing to the end

It is absolutely not you. At all.

It's physiology, pure and simple.

Why should anyone rely on someone else to achieve an orgasm? I've been single for 35 years and I charge of my own enjoyment, I don't expect any man to to anything other than occasionally do something nice I ask for to help me get there.

It's all in my control.

I daresay if I were in a relationship again then that would change due to familiarity. "

Apologies but I don't believe that what I described and what you described are the same thing...maybe saying "I'm the problem " was a bit extreme, a better way of saying it would be ...we were not sexually compatible

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *he_Wite_NiteMan
over a year ago

Usually Dundee and around


"For me sex is about pleasure, pleasure can be found in many things, a simple touch, kiss, spank can send my mind racing, whilst I adore a great orgasm and I enjoy seeing someone writhing in ecstasy it’s not everything.

I’ve had many sexual experiences that have taken my mind to a place of deep sensual pleasure and that feeling of weightlessness, euphoria almost that takes over my body - I may not cum but the sensation has made me think wow!

Connection and chemistry and that tingling feeling that courses through both as you get lost in the moment is just as good as an orgasm with the right person xx"

Amen!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

All this talk about orgasm... I kind of want one now...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I hope not....it's only going to last three minutes

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales


"All this talk about orgasm... I kind of want one now... "

Can you make your random act of kindness doing a vid of said wank and popping it into public vids for me to enjoy?

Yours hopefully,

Luna (South Wales)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hi op.

I orgasm ridiculously easily and very frequently. Even when sex has been mediocre overall I’ve orgasmed.

A great sexual experience has me cuming pretty much constantly - but for me the overall chemistry has to be great - hence I stopped doing instashags years ago.

Lucky bitch "

I was going to put a smart arse comment in reply to this but heads blank today

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London


"Whilst I agree it's not the most important thing about sex, it is definitely the perfect ending for a sexual experience...an orgasm is one of, if not the greatest natural pleasures the human body can experience. Everything else until that point is just as important...the kissing, touching, the body to body sensuality, feeling her all around me, her feeling me inside her...and prolonging this as much as possible until the moment of orgasm. If all the other ingredients are there except the orgasm, it just doesn't feel right for me. I had only one experience where I was in a relationship with a woman who could never orgasm during sex, but had no problem orgasm through masturbation, so that shows the problem is clearly ME, your body or mind is rejecting ME (for whatever reason).

So is the orgasm the most important thing about sex? No! If it was, everyone would be just racing to the end

It is absolutely not you. At all.

It's physiology, pure and simple.

Why should anyone rely on someone else to achieve an orgasm? I've been single for 35 years and I charge of my own enjoyment, I don't expect any man to to anything other than occasionally do something nice I ask for to help me get there.

It's all in my control.

I daresay if I were in a relationship again then that would change due to familiarity.

Apologies but I don't believe that what I described and what you described are the same thing...maybe saying "I'm the problem " was a bit extreme, a better way of saying it would be ...we were not sexually compatible"

Only sexually compatible people have orgasms?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s the end product but the fun is to be had in getting there . Anticipation, sexual tension etc etc

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"Is it really about the orgasm for most?

I hope not, given we ruin so many orgasms and people say they still have fun!

I don’t think I get this though, can you expand on this……

A ruined orgasm is when you stop erm... stimulating someone just as they/before they hit that orgasmic state, so they kind of end up having a damp squib of one rather than fireworks.

One of the best experiences I've had of this involved using a fleshlight on a man and stopping at a certain point so he still ejaculated but didn't orgasm in the traditional big way.

I know what it is, but I don’t understand the point of it, other than as a submissive experience?"

Well we don’t tend to meet many people that are not submissive, so our experience may differ to others, but orgasm denial and ruination can help with people appreciating that the big O doesn’t have to be the be all and end all of an encounter, and that to minimise it to just another thing helps them appreciate everything else we get upto.

And yes, we also know what its like when your body doesn’t play nice. Both of us have issues when it comes to orgasms, which is part of the reason we do what we do.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Not at all. Which is why I love tantra so much x"

Yes . The energy rising through you, it’s unlike anything else!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"All this talk about orgasm... I kind of want one now... "

Well don’t let us stop you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Is it really about the orgasm for most?

I hope not, given we ruin so many orgasms and people say they still have fun!

I don’t think I get this though, can you expand on this……

A ruined orgasm is when you stop erm... stimulating someone just as they/before they hit that orgasmic state, so they kind of end up having a damp squib of one rather than fireworks.

One of the best experiences I've had of this involved using a fleshlight on a man and stopping at a certain point so he still ejaculated but didn't orgasm in the traditional big way.

I know what it is, but I don’t understand the point of it, other than as a submissive experience?

Well we don’t tend to meet many people that are not submissive, so our experience may differ to others, but orgasm denial and ruination can help with people appreciating that the big O doesn’t have to be the be all and end all of an encounter, and that to minimise it to just another thing helps them appreciate everything else we get upto.

And yes, we also know what its like when your body doesn’t play nice. Both of us have issues when it comes to orgasms, which is part of the reason we do what we do."

So is that the point of it, a ruined orgasm, I don’t really understand it…

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"Well we don’t tend to meet many people that are not submissive, so our experience may differ to others, but orgasm denial and ruination can help with people appreciating that the big O doesn’t have to be the be all and end all of an encounter, and that to minimise it to just another thing helps them appreciate everything else we get upto.

So is that the point of it, a ruined orgasm, I don’t really understand it…"

From our perspective, we enjoy the control over their orgasms, they enjoy giving up control, and the ruination or denial takes what some people see as the grand finale, the stopping point, and makes it just another thing that happens.

We stop when we have had enough, not because someone ejaculated or had an orgasm.

Some times orgasms are involved, sometimes not. There are so many other ways to enjoy yourself, measuring success based on if they had an orgasm is limiting.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm there for the whole experience but it does feel unfinished to me if either party doesn't orgasm at some point.

I don't cum through penetration so if every act was just about the O, I shouldn't be interested in that, yet I love it. Other people tend to find it hard to make me cum, but can still give me loads of pleasure, so I'm good with finishing myself off, but with their participation.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"For me sex is about pleasure, pleasure can be found in many things, a simple touch, kiss, spank can send my mind racing, whilst I adore a great orgasm and I enjoy seeing someone writhing in ecstasy it’s not everything.

I’ve had many sexual experiences that have taken my mind to a place of deep sensual pleasure and that feeling of weightlessness, euphoria almost that takes over my body - I may not cum but the sensation has made me think wow!

Connection and chemistry and that tingling feeling that courses through both as you get lost in the moment is just as good as an orgasm with the right person xx"

Dancer, you've articulated my thoughts much better than I could!

This has been a journey of discovery as I've got older, though. When I was younger I was much more orgasm focussed, for him and for me. Now we've discovered pleasure in all sorts of other things

Mrs TMN x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wouldn't care if I never came again during intercouse really, it's all about the whole experience. Yes coming is great, but I'd far rather have 4 hours of debauchery with no end than five minutes and an explosion. I just love the whole thing from foreplay onwards, trying to make the woman have the best time possible, and if that doesn't end in me coming it really isn't an issue for me at all.

So what about the person you’re with? Do you feel like she should?"

It's always the goal, but not the be all and end all. I'd be hoping she came until she was begging me to stop!!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"From our perspective, we enjoy the control over their orgasms, they enjoy giving up control, and the ruination or denial takes what some people see as the grand finale, the stopping point, and makes it just another thing that happens.

We stop when we have had enough, not because someone ejaculated or had an orgasm.

Some times orgasms are involved, sometimes not. There are so many other ways to enjoy yourself, measuring success based on if they had an orgasm is limiting."

We used to do a fair bit of orgasm play including ruined or denied orgasms but if anything I'd say the orgasm was even more of a focus when we were doing that, even if you didn't always get one.

A game we still like to play is using a random timer. You have sex until the timer goes off but then have to stop and wait until it goes off again. The randomness can be equally motivating and frustrating but again that's still driven by the goal of orgasm.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington


"Whilst I agree it's not the most important thing about sex, it is definitely the perfect ending for a sexual experience...an orgasm is one of, if not the greatest natural pleasures the human body can experience. Everything else until that point is just as important...the kissing, touching, the body to body sensuality, feeling her all around me, her feeling me inside her...and prolonging this as much as possible until the moment of orgasm. If all the other ingredients are there except the orgasm, it just doesn't feel right for me. I had only one experience where I was in a relationship with a woman who could never orgasm during sex, but had no problem orgasm through masturbation, so that shows the problem is clearly ME, your body or mind is rejecting ME (for whatever reason).

So is the orgasm the most important thing about sex? No! If it was, everyone would be just racing to the end

It is absolutely not you. At all.

It's physiology, pure and simple.

Why should anyone rely on someone else to achieve an orgasm? I've been single for 35 years and I charge of my own enjoyment, I don't expect any man to to anything other than occasionally do something nice I ask for to help me get there.

It's all in my control.

I daresay if I were in a relationship again then that would change due to familiarity.

Apologies but I don't believe that what I described and what you described are the same thing...maybe saying "I'm the problem " was a bit extreme, a better way of saying it would be ...we were not sexually compatible

Only sexually compatible people have orgasms?

"

Again, how are you relating one thing (my opinion/preference) to another (broad generalisation). I never said only sexual compatible people can have orgasms ( and honestly I don't know how you cane to that conclusion). Everything I stated above is bases on my opinion and preference. I am simply saying that I personally wouldn't feel sexually compatible with a woman that wouldn't be able to have an orgasm whilst having sex with me.For me the orgasm is just as important as every other part of sex....I simply wouldn't enjoy or feel comfortable during sex if a woman is not able to orgasm (and that's just me being honest) . How other people see/ perceive sexual compatibility is not my business

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

As a woman who is often unable to orgasm for reasons of disability, I feel that I shouldn't bother to try and meet anyone for sexual reasons, to be honest. Mr KC understands me and my body and the broken bits. No other person can understand that without getting to know me pretty well, and encounters in clubs etc before the pandemic cemented that "insta-shag" type stuff is deeply unfulfilling for us both.

Why is orgasm for the woman something that many men think is absolutely essential, even if they tell you beforehand that it's almost certainly not going to happen? It's not a judgment on the man's performance - nothing a sexual partner can do will fix my nerves

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington


"As a woman who is often unable to orgasm for reasons of disability, I feel that I shouldn't bother to try and meet anyone for sexual reasons, to be honest. Mr KC understands me and my body and the broken bits. No other person can understand that without getting to know me pretty well, and encounters in clubs etc before the pandemic cemented that "insta-shag" type stuff is deeply unfulfilling for us both.

Why is orgasm for the woman something that many men think is absolutely essential, even if they tell you beforehand that it's almost certainly not going to happen? It's not a judgment on the man's performance - nothing a sexual partner can do will fix my nerves "

It's not just men that think that...if you look through the comments, there are plenty of women who feel the same..." that the sexual act without the orgasm just feels incomplete ". No one is saying it is the most important part of sex, but it is an essential part of sex, just like so many other factors are.

And you might very well say it's not a judgement on the man's performance, but there are plenty of women who do judge (and some even shame) men based on their sexual performance, especially if the woman doesn't reach orgasm.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's also about the woman making a sandwich afterwards.

(Joking. Joking. Joking. Please don't destroy me lol)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth


"Whilst I agree it's not the most important thing about sex, it is definitely the perfect ending for a sexual experience...an orgasm is one of, if not the greatest natural pleasures the human body can experience. Everything else until that point is just as important...the kissing, touching, the body to body sensuality, feeling her all around me, her feeling me inside her...and prolonging this as much as possible until the moment of orgasm. If all the other ingredients are there except the orgasm, it just doesn't feel right for me. I had only one experience where I was in a relationship with a woman who could never orgasm during sex, but had no problem orgasm through masturbation, so that shows the problem is clearly ME, your body or mind is rejecting ME (for whatever reason).

So is the orgasm the most important thing about sex? No! If it was, everyone would be just racing to the end"

Honestly, the problem is not you. Always more to it than that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *assing Fancies xCouple
over a year ago

Sherwood Forest

So much more to enjoy other than just the ending

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"As a woman who is often unable to orgasm for reasons of disability, I feel that I shouldn't bother to try and meet anyone for sexual reasons, to be honest. Mr KC understands me and my body and the broken bits. No other person can understand that without getting to know me pretty well, and encounters in clubs etc before the pandemic cemented that "insta-shag" type stuff is deeply unfulfilling for us both.

Why is orgasm for the woman something that many men think is absolutely essential, even if they tell you beforehand that it's almost certainly not going to happen? It's not a judgment on the man's performance - nothing a sexual partner can do will fix my nerves

It's not just men that think that...if you look through the comments, there are plenty of women who feel the same..." that the sexual act without the orgasm just feels incomplete ". No one is saying it is the most important part of sex, but it is an essential part of sex, just like so many other factors are.

And you might very well say it's not a judgement on the man's performance, but there are plenty of women who do judge (and some even shame) men based on their sexual performance, especially if the woman doesn't reach orgasm. "

But why do people continue to place so much emphasis on it, even when told by the person that they KNOW they can't orgasm easily or at all? Most women know their bodies, many, many women cannot cum from penetration, for example, so why would someone continue to "push" for them to cum? I just don't get it.

Some women MIGHT judge, but if you were presented with a woman who knows she struggles to cum, who isn't so fixated on the "end goal", you still seemed to suggest you wouldn't be interested in that sort of person? It just seems a very arbitrary way to judge things to me.

Anyway, the whole "orgasm above everything else" attitude has put me off having sex other than with Mr KC or my FWB, to be honest. Unless we were able to build more of a relationship with another person, it's impossible to convey what is/isn't normal for me/us.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

No x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No x"

Short, direct, to the point

To be honest just before it gets to that point I start thinking of the left over pizza anyway

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

Nope. Orgasm is a just a bonus if you’ve had a couple of hours fun fooling around with each other.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

I would say it’s a bonus if it happens. But for me it is the buildup, the chats, the laughter

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't really care about whether I have an orgasm or not (and neither do I care about whether we do penetrative sex or not).

I just like to kiss hot girls

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't really care about whether I have an orgasm or not (and neither do I care about whether we do penetrative sex or not).

I just like to kiss hot girls "

I just orgasmed

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

Also for me, I feel there’s a lot of pressure for guys to perform and make a woman orgasm (maybe because of poor expectations from porn) so I always like to chat with a partner and let them know that sometimes it’s ok that I don’t cum or they don’t cum because I’m just happy being in their naked company exploring each other

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Also for me, I feel there’s a lot of pressure for guys to perform and make a woman orgasm (maybe because of poor expectations from porn) so I always like to chat with a partner and let them know that sometimes it’s ok that I don’t cum or they don’t cum because I’m just happy being in their naked company exploring each other "

This, though in my experience it also happens with women. I think people worry that they are doing something wrong, and honestly, I don't even know how to do it right on me myself, so I try to be reassuring. What you said really clicked with me because for me too it's mostly about exploring one another and being playful and a hot mess

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *itygamesMan
over a year ago

UK

i pretty much orgasm twice a day everyday, because they make me feel good , i think there healthy and good for you.

if its sex then i prefer teasing , flirting, foreplay etc etc if i give a lady a gentle slow clit massage i'd like to think she would orgasm if she wanted one, id have one ,one way or another.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington


"As a woman who is often unable to orgasm for reasons of disability, I feel that I shouldn't bother to try and meet anyone for sexual reasons, to be honest. Mr KC understands me and my body and the broken bits. No other person can understand that without getting to know me pretty well, and encounters in clubs etc before the pandemic cemented that "insta-shag" type stuff is deeply unfulfilling for us both.

Why is orgasm for the woman something that many men think is absolutely essential, even if they tell you beforehand that it's almost certainly not going to happen? It's not a judgment on the man's performance - nothing a sexual partner can do will fix my nerves

It's not just men that think that...if you look through the comments, there are plenty of women who feel the same..." that the sexual act without the orgasm just feels incomplete ". No one is saying it is the most important part of sex, but it is an essential part of sex, just like so many other factors are.

And you might very well say it's not a judgement on the man's performance, but there are plenty of women who do judge (and some even shame) men based on their sexual performance, especially if the woman doesn't reach orgasm.

But why do people continue to place so much emphasis on it, even when told by the person that they KNOW they can't orgasm easily or at all? Most women know their bodies, many, many women cannot cum from penetration, for example, so why would someone continue to "push" for them to cum? I just don't get it.

Some women MIGHT judge, but if you were presented with a woman who knows she struggles to cum, who isn't so fixated on the "end goal", you still seemed to suggest you wouldn't be interested in that sort of person? It just seems a very arbitrary way to judge things to me.

Anyway, the whole "orgasm above everything else" attitude has put me off having sex other than with Mr KC or my FWB, to be honest. Unless we were able to build more of a relationship with another person, it's impossible to convey what is/isn't normal for me/us. "

Well yes, I probably wouldn't be interested in that person...my honesty shouldn't make you or anyone else feel bad. For me compatibility is important in any shape or form...mentally, emotionally, personality wise or sexually, and yes I would probably think we are not sexually compatible and would remove myself from the equation. Similar to going on a date with a woman who tells me she believes the earth is flat, or some other strange things...I would most likely think we are mentally not compatible and wouldn't go on a second date...that doesn't make her a bad person, she just wouldn't be for me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Loving the comparison of can't orgasm for physical injury reasons and flat earthers

Honestly, it's things like this that can make people with physical differences or disabilities feel like freaks

I'm out

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling


"Loving the comparison of can't orgasm for physical injury reasons and flat earthers

Honestly, it's things like this that can make people with physical differences or disabilities feel like freaks

I'm out "

That's not what he did, and you know it.

He compared a date with somebody he is not mentally compatible with, to a sex only meet with somebody he is not sexually compatible with. Don't just hone in on a single part of what he said that is taken woefully out of context

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Loving the comparison of can't orgasm for physical injury reasons and flat earthers

Honestly, it's things like this that can make people with physical differences or disabilities feel like freaks

I'm out

That's not what he did, and you know it.

He compared a date with somebody he is not mentally compatible with, to a sex only meet with somebody he is not sexually compatible with. Don't just hone in on a single part of what he said that is taken woefully out of context "

Thank you for telling me how I feel. Much appreciated

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a woman who is often unable to orgasm for reasons of disability, I feel that I shouldn't bother to try and meet anyone for sexual reasons, to be honest. Mr KC understands me and my body and the broken bits. No other person can understand that without getting to know me pretty well, and encounters in clubs etc before the pandemic cemented that "insta-shag" type stuff is deeply unfulfilling for us both.

Why is orgasm for the woman something that many men think is absolutely essential, even if they tell you beforehand that it's almost certainly not going to happen? It's not a judgment on the man's performance - nothing a sexual partner can do will fix my nerves

It's not just men that think that...if you look through the comments, there are plenty of women who feel the same..." that the sexual act without the orgasm just feels incomplete ". No one is saying it is the most important part of sex, but it is an essential part of sex, just like so many other factors are.

And you might very well say it's not a judgement on the man's performance, but there are plenty of women who do judge (and some even shame) men based on their sexual performance, especially if the woman doesn't reach orgasm.

But why do people continue to place so much emphasis on it, even when told by the person that they KNOW they can't orgasm easily or at all? Most women know their bodies, many, many women cannot cum from penetration, for example, so why would someone continue to "push" for them to cum? I just don't get it.

Some women MIGHT judge, but if you were presented with a woman who knows she struggles to cum, who isn't so fixated on the "end goal", you still seemed to suggest you wouldn't be interested in that sort of person? It just seems a very arbitrary way to judge things to me.

Anyway, the whole "orgasm above everything else" attitude has put me off having sex other than with Mr KC or my FWB, to be honest. Unless we were able to build more of a relationship with another person, it's impossible to convey what is/isn't normal for me/us.

Well yes, I probably wouldn't be interested in that person...my honesty shouldn't make you or anyone else feel bad. For me compatibility is important in any shape or form...mentally, emotionally, personality wise or sexually, and yes I would probably think we are not sexually compatible and would remove myself from the equation. Similar to going on a date with a woman who tells me she believes the earth is flat, or some other strange things...I would most likely think we are mentally not compatible and wouldn't go on a second date...that doesn't make her a bad person, she just wouldn't be for me. "

There's got to be mutual attraction and compatibility for me to want to meet someone.

If we aren't compatible that doesn't make either of us a bad person. Simply just not compatible.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington


"Loving the comparison of can't orgasm for physical injury reasons and flat earthers

Honestly, it's things like this that can make people with physical differences or disabilities feel like freaks

I'm out "

How can you say that though? Honestly how can you accuse me of that? I didn't compare the two, I gave you two different scenarios with two different people I simply might not feel compatible with.

What you just did makes me feel horrible... I'm out of the forums

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *unx2019Couple
over a year ago

Edinburgh for few days

We are lucky as she comes quickly, easily and multiple times. I get enjoyment out of making her cum as know how much she enjoys it but not always overly worried if I don't. So would say it's not always about the orgasm

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Icing on the cake..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *irtyold manMan
over a year ago

barnsley

It takes me ages to orgasam but thats ok as i luv turning women on

So no its not about the orgasam

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd be happy with a reply to my messages, im far from being in a position to contemplate such mythology.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Loving the comparison of can't orgasm for physical injury reasons and flat earthers

Honestly, it's things like this that can make people with physical differences or disabilities feel like freaks

I'm out

That's not what he did, and you know it.

He compared a date with somebody he is not mentally compatible with, to a sex only meet with somebody he is not sexually compatible with. Don't just hone in on a single part of what he said that is taken woefully out of context "

Agreed he was just showing two different examples, he wasn't being personal. Definitely out of context.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *teve_it_aloneMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"Reading the who cums first thread, it seems the orgasm is the main event for a lot of people. For me that’s missing out on a huge part of sex, I can have a mind blowing experience without having an orgasm, and having one is just the cherry on top.

Is it really about the orgasm for most? "

I was on medication for a while that cut my ability to orgasm to about 10% of what it was. Massively frustrating at first and quite soul destroying at times.

Once I got over that I realised that the intimacy was the main thing for me - the closeness of being with someone in an intimate space. That kind of reset my perspective a bit.

Things have since returned to normal, and don’t get me wrong, when the horn gets me, it gets me good, but orgasms are, as you say, the cherry on top.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top