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Empathy

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So I'm a very empathetic person and often feel other people's feelings which can be a blessing and a curse.

I was just wondering if anyone else is the same.

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By *traight_no_iceMan
over a year ago

Stoke

Even if sometimes can be a curse, it is good to have empathy.

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By *uperS77Man
over a year ago

Gloucester


"So I'm a very empathetic person and often feel other people's feelings which can be a blessing and a curse.

I was just wondering if anyone else is the same. "
hopefully you have someone who looks out for your feelings too

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By *orello-pieWoman
over a year ago

southwest


"So I'm a very empathetic person and often feel other people's feelings which can be a blessing and a curse.

I was just wondering if anyone else is the same. "

Always good to be empathetic , look up brene browns empathy on YouTube , I always find it very insightful when trying to explain to others what empathy is xx

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"So I'm a very empathetic person and often feel other people's feelings which can be a blessing and a curse.

I was just wondering if anyone else is the same. "

Why a curse? It’s normal to feel people’s pain or joy, you’d be cold if you didn’t. Processing it is sometimes the problem. One thing I do is never pity or feel sorry for people , it’s a sign our own failures to act or be a good friend

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So I'm a very empathetic person and often feel other people's feelings which can be a blessing and a curse.

I was just wondering if anyone else is the same.

Why a curse? It’s normal to feel people’s pain or joy, you’d be cold if you didn’t. Processing it is sometimes the problem. One thing I do is never pity or feel sorry for people , it’s a sign our own failures to act or be a good friend "

I mean a cause as in I will carry people's problems after I have felt that rush of empathy even when I can't do anything about it.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"So I'm a very empathetic person and often feel other people's feelings which can be a blessing and a curse.

I was just wondering if anyone else is the same.

Why a curse? It’s normal to feel people’s pain or joy, you’d be cold if you didn’t. Processing it is sometimes the problem. One thing I do is never pity or feel sorry for people , it’s a sign our own failures to act or be a good friend

I mean a cause as in I will carry people's problems after I have felt that rush of empathy even when I can't do anything about it. "

Understood.

It’s figuring out the right response. I’ve worked in some desperate situations, anti trafficking , rescue, street work etc and some people just can’t do it. Not because they don’t care or can’t help practically but because they empathise so much with people’s pain it paralyses and over burdens them to the point it makes them ill.

Never feel sorry for people , figure out your response, even if it only helps a tiny bit , you’re part of the solution and it’s enough . You can’t solve everything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm an empath too.

It can be a big burden but I think I've finally mastered it.

I've learned not to show it as some people take advantage!

I've learned that just because you feel their pain, you can not fix them. I no longer suffer fools gladly.

My own feelings now come first and I can shut down to protect them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So I'm a very empathetic person and often feel other people's feelings which can be a blessing and a curse.

I was just wondering if anyone else is the same.

Why a curse? It’s normal to feel people’s pain or joy, you’d be cold if you didn’t. Processing it is sometimes the problem. One thing I do is never pity or feel sorry for people , it’s a sign our own failures to act or be a good friend

I mean a cause as in I will carry people's problems after I have felt that rush of empathy even when I can't do anything about it.

Understood.

It’s figuring out the right response. I’ve worked in some desperate situations, anti trafficking , rescue, street work etc and some people just can’t do it. Not because they don’t care or can’t help practically but because they empathise so much with people’s pain it paralyses and over burdens them to the point it makes them ill.

Never feel sorry for people , figure out your response, even if it only helps a tiny bit , you’re part of the solution and it’s enough . You can’t solve everything. "

Thank you for that and I've worked in similar situations, while I found I was good at my job and had a lot to offer it just got to a point where I'd spend most of my time filled with worry and anxiety for the people we were helping.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm an empath too.

It can be a big burden but I think I've finally mastered it.

I've learned not to show it as some people take advantage!

I've learned that just because you feel their pain, you can not fix them. I no longer suffer fools gladly.

My own feelings now come first and I can shut down to protect them. "

Thank you so much as you pretty much put down what I'm feeling and thinking about it just in a much better way. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I'm a very empathetic person and often feel other people's feelings which can be a blessing and a curse.

I was just wondering if anyone else is the same.

Why a curse? It’s normal to feel people’s pain or joy, you’d be cold if you didn’t. Processing it is sometimes the problem. One thing I do is never pity or feel sorry for people , it’s a sign our own failures to act or be a good friend

I mean a cause as in I will carry people's problems after I have felt that rush of empathy even when I can't do anything about it.

Understood.

It’s figuring out the right response. I’ve worked in some desperate situations, anti trafficking , rescue, street work etc and some people just can’t do it. Not because they don’t care or can’t help practically but because they empathise so much with people’s pain it paralyses and over burdens them to the point it makes them ill.

Never feel sorry for people , figure out your response, even if it only helps a tiny bit , you’re part of the solution and it’s enough . You can’t solve everything. "

I’m curious, does this extend to not having compassion too, in those situations?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

This isn't meant in a bitchy way, it's coming from a place of curiosity. I'm not quite sure how much I buy in to empaths being as common as the forum would suggest but I do think some people are more empathetic.

As an empath, do you find it's selective? As in, only attuned to emotions at certain points, only with friends etc?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"This isn't meant in a bitchy way, it's coming from a place of curiosity. I'm not quite sure how much I buy in to empaths being as common as the forum would suggest but I do think some people are more empathetic.

As an empath, do you find it's selective? As in, only attuned to emotions at certain points, only with friends etc? "

It's a difficult one and obviously I'm more empathetic to people I know well especially if I know the situation in a lot of depth. But in my case no it can even be something on the news I will see about someone who's been through something horrific and I physically feel it and will worry and be anxious about that for days.

I suffer with quite severe anxiety so I think that might have a part to play in it as well.

One example is a few weeks ago we were in a cafe And I saw a woman crying, I went over and asked if she was OK and she said yes fine she was just being silly I wanted to be left alone. I spent the next 3 days feeling really anxious for that woman and couldn't stop thinking about her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This isn't meant in a bitchy way, it's coming from a place of curiosity. I'm not quite sure how much I buy in to empaths being as common as the forum would suggest but I do think some people are more empathetic.

As an empath, do you find it's selective? As in, only attuned to emotions at certain points, only with friends etc? "

Personally, I "feel" people when I walk into a room or meet them for the first time. I seem to hone in on peoples troubled vibes regardless of how they come across at first impressions. Sometimes it's like being able to see inside them.

It's quite difficult to explain.

Put it this way, people tend to end up spilling their guts to me because of my empath abilities.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"This isn't meant in a bitchy way, it's coming from a place of curiosity. I'm not quite sure how much I buy in to empaths being as common as the forum would suggest but I do think some people are more empathetic.

As an empath, do you find it's selective? As in, only attuned to emotions at certain points, only with friends etc?

Personally, I "feel" people when I walk into a room or meet them for the first time. I seem to hone in on peoples troubled vibes regardless of how they come across at first impressions. Sometimes it's like being able to see inside them.

It's quite difficult to explain.

Put it this way, people tend to end up spilling their guts to me because of my empath abilities. "

I totally understand this.

I often will withdraw myself from situations where it's possible people will spill their guts to me simply as a way to protect my emotional well being,it doesn't sit well with me sometimes though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d say I have empathy, in a healthy amount.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’d say I have empathy, in a healthy amount."

I think that's what I ment by saying it can be a curse because it doesn't always feel healthy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd agree that being an empath, as opposed to just simply being able to empathise, sounds like a debilitating trait

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This isn't meant in a bitchy way, it's coming from a place of curiosity. I'm not quite sure how much I buy in to empaths being as common as the forum would suggest but I do think some people are more empathetic.

As an empath, do you find it's selective? As in, only attuned to emotions at certain points, only with friends etc?

Personally, I "feel" people when I walk into a room or meet them for the first time. I seem to hone in on peoples troubled vibes regardless of how they come across at first impressions. Sometimes it's like being able to see inside them.

It's quite difficult to explain.

Put it this way, people tend to end up spilling their guts to me because of my empath abilities. "

This for me too. I’ve learnt to shut it down to an extent, because it’s really hard otherwise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This isn't meant in a bitchy way, it's coming from a place of curiosity. I'm not quite sure how much I buy in to empaths being as common as the forum would suggest but I do think some people are more empathetic.

As an empath, do you find it's selective? As in, only attuned to emotions at certain points, only with friends etc?

Personally, I "feel" people when I walk into a room or meet them for the first time. I seem to hone in on peoples troubled vibes regardless of how they come across at first impressions. Sometimes it's like being able to see inside them.

It's quite difficult to explain.

Put it this way, people tend to end up spilling their guts to me because of my empath abilities.

This for me too. I’ve learnt to shut it down to an extent, because it’s really hard otherwise."

How did you manage to shut it down? I find talking to some people very hard..like they are sucking the life out of me. Feel very down for days afterwards...ugh

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By *urplechesterCouple
over a year ago

chester

I’m with you, and totally agree it’s a blessing and a curse! Sometimes it can be draining, got to watch out for those energy vampires Miss pc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This isn't meant in a bitchy way, it's coming from a place of curiosity. I'm not quite sure how much I buy in to empaths being as common as the forum would suggest but I do think some people are more empathetic.

As an empath, do you find it's selective? As in, only attuned to emotions at certain points, only with friends etc?

Personally, I "feel" people when I walk into a room or meet them for the first time. I seem to hone in on peoples troubled vibes regardless of how they come across at first impressions. Sometimes it's like being able to see inside them.

It's quite difficult to explain.

Put it this way, people tend to end up spilling their guts to me because of my empath abilities.

This for me too. I’ve learnt to shut it down to an extent, because it’s really hard otherwise.

How did you manage to shut it down? I find talking to some people very hard..like they are sucking the life out of me. Feel very down for days afterwards...ugh"

Have you looked up grounding and protecting?

It’s also about boundaries, and they need to be strong, and developing the ability to separate other peoples pain from your own.

It’s hard to explain in black and white.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

I'm emotionally 'tuned' into people in my life; people I come into contact with; random strangers...

I don't choose to connect with people in this way, it just washes over me. Sometimes on meeting; sometimes I can get a sense of them even if we're miles apart and haven't spoken.

I used to run evening drop-in sessions (years ago) to help people manage this sort of thing. It's completely fascinating and (to me) demonstrates how little we (modern humans) 'listen' to our innate abilities.

C

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. Been a problem in life really but it can be useful. Just like anything really, doesn't always come from a good place but if you get a handle on it it can be a good thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to. I still can be but there's so much going on in my life I have to prioritise. I burn out easily when I let feelings weigh my shoulders down. I feel bad that I put myself first but I know it's for the best right now. And in the future I'm sure I'll be back to being the listening ear. Give me maybe 10 years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I used to. I still can be but there's so much going on in my life I have to prioritise. I burn out easily when I let feelings weigh my shoulders down. I feel bad that I put myself first but I know it's for the best right now. And in the future I'm sure I'll be back to being the listening ear. Give me maybe 10 years "

Don't feel bad! There's a reason you are told to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others do the same on a plane

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I used to. I still can be but there's so much going on in my life I have to prioritise. I burn out easily when I let feelings weigh my shoulders down. I feel bad that I put myself first but I know it's for the best right now. And in the future I'm sure I'll be back to being the listening ear. Give me maybe 10 years

Don't feel bad! There's a reason you are told to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others do the same on a plane "

You are too cute for your own good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/01/22 08:10:07]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's possible to be empathetic without immersing yourself in someone else's troubles. It depends how you deal with your own issues. If you're an anxious person then I can see how someone else's issues can make you worry. I'm not a worrier or an anxious person but that doesn't mean I can't tune in to someone else's feelings. It just means I don't become engulfed in them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I used to. I still can be but there's so much going on in my life I have to prioritise. I burn out easily when I let feelings weigh my shoulders down. I feel bad that I put myself first but I know it's for the best right now. And in the future I'm sure I'll be back to being the listening ear. Give me maybe 10 years

Don't feel bad! There's a reason you are told to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others do the same on a plane

You are too cute for your own good "

SSSSSSSHHH! Don't tell anyone! I'm trying to be a badass

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I used to. I still can be but there's so much going on in my life I have to prioritise. I burn out easily when I let feelings weigh my shoulders down. I feel bad that I put myself first but I know it's for the best right now. And in the future I'm sure I'll be back to being the listening ear. Give me maybe 10 years

Don't feel bad! There's a reason you are told to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others do the same on a plane "

This is true. It’s not selfish to put yourself first, you can’t help anyone if you’re burnt out.

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

I put it in a box and let it out to play when I'm in a safe space, took a lot of meditation to achieve this and I reinforce it daily.

I couldn't do the job I do and help all the people I do if I felt their pain xxx

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

While I think we can all detect if someone is feeling uncomfortable / sad / elated / a bit down - No one can know what others are feeling or thinking- not truly. Often empathisers project their own feelings onto others. When we see someone in a situation that we would dislike we imagine they feel the same as we would.

I do feel that I am able to sense when others are 'going through something' empathising is not difficult. It doesn't always follow that I will offer help for that person. It's surprising how many people think that empathising means actively helping.

Not sure which is better - someone helping because they realise help is needed even though they are not empathetic ( teachers , police , social workers, friends, parents etc ) or someone empathising and being able to feel and understand but not seeing it as their remit to help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My best friend calls herself an empath, and I love her dearly, but it can be annoying. A few years back, a mutual friend got cancer and declined very suddenly. Unfortunately she passed away. My friend distanced herself from her, as she found it too much and the situation made her anxious.

But at what point does it become making it all about yourself?

It’s a fine line, maybe?

I guess what I’m trying to say is that being overly empathic doesn’t actually benefit anyone. Being a practical helper, with a reasonable amount of empathy, is the best balance there can be. No one should feel that much empathy that it is damaging to themselves, or unhelpful to others.

Lorna, when I say ‘yourself’ above, I mean people in general. Not directed at you or anyone else on here x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"While I think we can all detect if someone is feeling uncomfortable / sad / elated / a bit down - No one can know what others are feeling or thinking- not truly. Often empathisers project their own feelings onto others. When we see someone in a situation that we would dislike we imagine they feel the same as we would.

I do feel that I am able to sense when others are 'going through something' empathising is not difficult. It doesn't always follow that I will offer help for that person. It's surprising how many people think that empathising means actively helping.

Not sure which is better - someone helping because they realise help is needed even though they are not empathetic ( teachers , police , social workers, friends, parents etc ) or someone empathising and being able to feel and understand but not seeing it as their remit to help. "

Good points

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"While I think we can all detect if someone is feeling uncomfortable / sad / elated / a bit down - No one can know what others are feeling or thinking- not truly. Often empathisers project their own feelings onto others. When we see someone in a situation that we would dislike we imagine they feel the same as we would.

I do feel that I am able to sense when others are 'going through something' empathising is not difficult. It doesn't always follow that I will offer help for that person. It's surprising how many people think that empathising means actively helping.

Not sure which is better - someone helping because they realise help is needed even though they are not empathetic ( teachers , police , social workers, friends, parents etc ) or someone empathising and being able to feel and understand but not seeing it as their remit to help. "

This is very insightful. I find a lot of the time the most help can be just to listen and be heard.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"While I think we can all detect if someone is feeling uncomfortable / sad / elated / a bit down - No one can know what others are feeling or thinking- not truly. Often empathisers project their own feelings onto others. When we see someone in a situation that we would dislike we imagine they feel the same as we would.

I do feel that I am able to sense when others are 'going through something' empathising is not difficult. It doesn't always follow that I will offer help for that person. It's surprising how many people think that empathising means actively helping.

Not sure which is better - someone helping because they realise help is needed even though they are not empathetic ( teachers , police , social workers, friends, parents etc ) or someone empathising and being able to feel and understand but not seeing it as their remit to help. "

I wouldn't necessarily say it's not in my remit to help it's just often I feel completely out of my depth and wouldn't even know where to start in some cases.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I used to. I still can be but there's so much going on in my life I have to prioritise. I burn out easily when I let feelings weigh my shoulders down. I feel bad that I put myself first but I know it's for the best right now. And in the future I'm sure I'll be back to being the listening ear. Give me maybe 10 years

Don't feel bad! There's a reason you are told to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others do the same on a plane "

that's it, I'm sold. I need you in my life to give me motivational words when I need it the most

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"While I think we can all detect if someone is feeling uncomfortable / sad / elated / a bit down - No one can know what others are feeling or thinking- not truly. Often empathisers project their own feelings onto others. When we see someone in a situation that we would dislike we imagine they feel the same as we would.

I do feel that I am able to sense when others are 'going through something' empathising is not difficult. It doesn't always follow that I will offer help for that person. It's surprising how many people think that empathising means actively helping.

Not sure which is better - someone helping because they realise help is needed even though they are not empathetic ( teachers , police , social workers, friends, parents etc ) or someone empathising and being able to feel and understand but not seeing it as their remit to help. "

Agreed GC, eloquent as ever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I used to. I still can be but there's so much going on in my life I have to prioritise. I burn out easily when I let feelings weigh my shoulders down. I feel bad that I put myself first but I know it's for the best right now. And in the future I'm sure I'll be back to being the listening ear. Give me maybe 10 years

Don't feel bad! There's a reason you are told to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others do the same on a plane

that's it, I'm sold. I need you in my life to give me motivational words when I need it the most "

Anytime

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"While I think we can all detect if someone is feeling uncomfortable / sad / elated / a bit down - No one can know what others are feeling or thinking- not truly. Often empathisers project their own feelings onto others. When we see someone in a situation that we would dislike we imagine they feel the same as we would.

I do feel that I am able to sense when others are 'going through something' empathising is not difficult. It doesn't always follow that I will offer help for that person. It's surprising how many people think that empathising means actively helping.

Not sure which is better - someone helping because they realise help is needed even though they are not empathetic ( teachers , police , social workers, friends, parents etc ) or someone empathising and being able to feel and understand but not seeing it as their remit to help.

I wouldn't necessarily say it's not in my remit to help it's just often I feel completely out of my depth and wouldn't even know where to start in some cases. "

Listen and be honest. It's better to hear 'I don't know exactly how to help' if thats the case

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah, totally. Sometimes my girls will say ‘mum, all I wanted was to vent, not for you to fix the problem’!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or offer your opinion!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"While I think we can all detect if someone is feeling uncomfortable / sad / elated / a bit down - No one can know what others are feeling or thinking- not truly. Often empathisers project their own feelings onto others. When we see someone in a situation that we would dislike we imagine they feel the same as we would.

I do feel that I am able to sense when others are 'going through something' empathising is not difficult. It doesn't always follow that I will offer help for that person. It's surprising how many people think that empathising means actively helping.

Not sure which is better - someone helping because they realise help is needed even though they are not empathetic ( teachers , police , social workers, friends, parents etc ) or someone empathising and being able to feel and understand but not seeing it as their remit to help.

I wouldn't necessarily say it's not in my remit to help it's just often I feel completely out of my depth and wouldn't even know where to start in some cases. "

This partly explains why I rush past or cross the street when I see homeless people BUT donate to several homeless/housing charities.

I give support via those that know what to do I guess.

And I don't think I can empathise with a homeless person - I can only imagine they are hungry and cold because i've skipped a meal or walked into an unheated home ... I cannot really claim to know how hungry, how cold, how dirty , how dangerous it can be for them or how their mental illness could impact on me if I approach them so I fund with dosh instead.

I do know that my thoughts about homeless people are more than sentimentality and not as specious as calling myself an empath..... It's just my belief that I should help and that I cannot always do it alone or physically or mentally.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"Yeah, totally. Sometimes my girls will say ‘mum, all I wanted was to vent, not for you to fix the problem’!"

My youngest says this.

I was just talking mum .... I never asked for advice or a fix !

Sometimes she says...... I'm an adult. I'm middle aged mother !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yeah, totally. Sometimes my girls will say ‘mum, all I wanted was to vent, not for you to fix the problem’!"

But on the flipside, there are people n life who do want to continue to moan and not even try to do anything about it. Which can be so draining!

Not that I'm saying your girls are like this, but it's not so straight forward. Plus, you're a Mum! Of course you're going to try and solve stuff.

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By *entative_steps7781Couple
over a year ago

Home

I definitely struggle sometimes and can feel weighed down by it.

One thing I have found is asking people how I can help and offering them options (a listening ear, someone to problem solve with, or just leaving them alone) makes it easier for all involved. Them, because they don't have to spend excess energy working out what they need, and me as I don't spend energy on something that they do not need/want.

MJ x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yeah, totally. Sometimes my girls will say ‘mum, all I wanted was to vent, not for you to fix the problem’!

But on the flipside, there are people n life who do want to continue to moan and not even try to do anything about it. Which can be so draining!

Not that I'm saying your girls are like this, but it's not so straight forward. Plus, you're a Mum! Of course you're going to try and solve stuff. "

I think that's exactly where I've at I think I'm just drained by it.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I can be overly empathetic when it's a subject I understand how they feel as I have experienced it myself. For example child or domestic abuse I can easily step into someone else's shoes and feel how it felt. It's draining as I can predict and feel as they do as well as project my own feelings on that particular situation.

I also have anxiety and that is different, from the abuse I suffered I tend to overfixate and analyse people and situations. This is a hard and is absolutely pointless. I'm getting better at dropping it but somedays are better than others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yeah, totally. Sometimes my girls will say ‘mum, all I wanted was to vent, not for you to fix the problem’!

But on the flipside, there are people n life who do want to continue to moan and not even try to do anything about it. Which can be so draining!

Not that I'm saying your girls are like this, but it's not so straight forward. Plus, you're a Mum! Of course you're going to try and solve stuff.

I think that's exactly where I've at I think I'm just drained by it."

Need to replenish then I reckon. Take some you time

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"While I think we can all detect if someone is feeling uncomfortable / sad / elated / a bit down - No one can know what others are feeling or thinking- not truly. Often empathisers project their own feelings onto others. When we see someone in a situation that we would dislike we imagine they feel the same as we would.

I do feel that I am able to sense when others are 'going through something' empathising is not difficult. It doesn't always follow that I will offer help for that person. It's surprising how many people think that empathising means actively helping.

Not sure which is better - someone helping because they realise help is needed even though they are not empathetic ( teachers , police , social workers, friends, parents etc ) or someone empathising and being able to feel and understand but not seeing it as their remit to help.

I wouldn't necessarily say it's not in my remit to help it's just often I feel completely out of my depth and wouldn't even know where to start in some cases.

This partly explains why I rush past or cross the street when I see homeless people BUT donate to several homeless/housing charities.

I give support via those that know what to do I guess.

And I don't think I can empathise with a homeless person - I can only imagine they are hungry and cold because i've skipped a meal or walked into an unheated home ... I cannot really claim to know how hungry, how cold, how dirty , how dangerous it can be for them or how their mental illness could impact on me if I approach them so I fund with dosh instead.

I do know that my thoughts about homeless people are more than sentimentality and not as specious as calling myself an empath..... It's just my belief that I should help and that I cannot always do it alone or physically or mentally. "

I think that's part of my issue is that I do mentally put myself in that position. I think often for me I'm not sure about others but I often think it's my anxiety rather than feeling what they are feeling.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I can be overly empathetic when it's a subject I understand how they feel as I have experienced it myself. For example child or domestic abuse I can easily step into someone else's shoes and feel how it felt. It's draining as I can predict and feel as they do as well as project my own feelings on that particular situation.

I also have anxiety and that is different, from the abuse I suffered I tend to overfixate and analyse people and situations. This is a hard and is absolutely pointless. I'm getting better at dropping it but somedays are better than others."

I can totally relate that last paragraph.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I can be overly empathetic when it's a subject I understand how they feel as I have experienced it myself. For example child or domestic abuse I can easily step into someone else's shoes and feel how it felt. It's draining as I can predict and feel as they do as well as project my own feelings on that particular situation.

I also have anxiety and that is different, from the abuse I suffered I tend to overfixate and analyse people and situations. This is a hard and is absolutely pointless. I'm getting better at dropping it but somedays are better than others.

I can totally relate that last paragraph. "

To me that isn't empathy, that is a stress response to something in my past. Think some call it hypervigalance, which I think is a good term. And you see people in bad situations like you were in even when they are not.

Like the woman you mentioned in the cafe, for me to do that would require something terrible so I could think that they are in a similar position. Not like one of my best mates who will cry and the drop of a hat when her hormones play up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"While I think we can all detect if someone is feeling uncomfortable / sad / elated / a bit down - No one can know what others are feeling or thinking- not truly. Often empathisers project their own feelings onto others. When we see someone in a situation that we would dislike we imagine they feel the same as we would.

I do feel that I am able to sense when others are 'going through something' empathising is not difficult. It doesn't always follow that I will offer help for that person. It's surprising how many people think that empathising means actively helping.

Not sure which is better - someone helping because they realise help is needed even though they are not empathetic ( teachers , police , social workers, friends, parents etc ) or someone empathising and being able to feel and understand but not seeing it as their remit to help.

I wouldn't necessarily say it's not in my remit to help it's just often I feel completely out of my depth and wouldn't even know where to start in some cases.

Listen and be honest. It's better to hear 'I don't know exactly how to help' if thats the case "

This . Sometimes people need you to hold space for them, to allow them to talk, and for you to just listen and hear them, without needing to reply/share yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Finding the responses very helpful, thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can be overly empathetic when it's a subject I understand how they feel as I have experienced it myself. For example child or domestic abuse I can easily step into someone else's shoes and feel how it felt. It's draining as I can predict and feel as they do as well as project my own feelings on that particular situation.

I also have anxiety and that is different, from the abuse I suffered I tend to overfixate and analyse people and situations. This is a hard and is absolutely pointless. I'm getting better at dropping it but somedays are better than others.

I can totally relate that last paragraph.

To me that isn't empathy, that is a stress response to something in my past. Think some call it hypervigalance, which I think is a good term. And you see people in bad situations like you were in even when they are not.

Like the woman you mentioned in the cafe, for me to do that would require something terrible so I could think that they are in a similar position. Not like one of my best mates who will cry and the drop of a hat when her hormones play up.

"

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