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Assertive women

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Being assertive or sticking up for one's self as a woman on fab often results in being called a bitch or being misread as someone that is unkind.

How do other women handle this? It's one of the most disheartening things about fab for me. Also, would love to hear from men who enjoy or can handle an assertive woman.

Also, I feel like the dynamics of fab mean that women have to be more Frank in their interactions. I've often been told that women on here are up their own arses without any recognition of what it's like to actually be a woman on here. And don't get me wrong I know it's Very though to be a guy on here too.

I feel like misogyny plays a massive part in what makes ffab a less than fabulous experience for many of us.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Being assertive or sticking up for one's self as a woman on fab often results in being called a bitch or being misread as someone that is unkind.

How do other women handle this? It's one of the most disheartening things about fab for me. Also, would love to hear from men who enjoy or can handle an assertive woman.

Also, I feel like the dynamics of fab mean that women have to be more Frank in their interactions. I've often been told that women on here are up their own arses without any recognition of what it's like to actually be a woman on here. And don't get me wrong I know it's Very though to be a guy on here too.

I feel like misogyny plays a massive part in what makes ffab a less than fabulous experience for many of us. "

Apologies for typos, fab has been mad glitchy for me and I can't read what I'm typing.

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington


"Being assertive or sticking up for one's self as a woman on fab often results in being called a bitch or being misread as someone that is unkind.

How do other women handle this? It's one of the most disheartening things about fab for me. Also, would love to hear from men who enjoy or can handle an assertive woman.

Also, I feel like the dynamics of fab mean that women have to be more Frank in their interactions. I've often been told that women on here are up their own arses without any recognition of what it's like to actually be a woman on here. And don't get me wrong I know it's Very though to be a guy on here too.

I feel like misogyny plays a massive part in what makes ffab a less than fabulous experience for many of us. "

As long as the objective is to maintain your self respect in that circumstance and you do not become disrespectful yourself ... I met a few women that called themselves assertive, yet their attitude was arrogant and pushy and sometimes abusive. I feel many people use the word assertive as an excuse to boast themselves in a superior position and put others down.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I prefer to just troll them. If I'm going to get abuse I at least want the chance to be a dick amd it's funnier than arguing.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling


"Being assertive or sticking up for one's self as a woman on fab often results in being called a bitch or being misread as someone that is unkind.

How do other women handle this? It's one of the most disheartening things about fab for me. Also, would love to hear from men who enjoy or can handle an assertive woman.

Also, I feel like the dynamics of fab mean that women have to be more Frank in their interactions. I've often been told that women on here are up their own arses without any recognition of what it's like to actually be a woman on here. And don't get me wrong I know it's Very though to be a guy on here too.

I feel like misogyny plays a massive part in what makes ffab a less than fabulous experience for many of us.

As long as the objective is to maintain your self respect in that circumstance and you do not become disrespectful yourself ... I met a few women that called themselves assertive, yet their attitude was arrogant and pushy and sometimes abusive. I feel many people use the word assertive as an excuse to boast themselves in a superior position and put others down."

Most definitely agree with this.

It is very similar to confidence and arrogance at times.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I prefer to just troll them. If I'm going to get abuse I at least want the chance to be a dick amd it's funnier than arguing. "

Yes, one guy was rude and abusive and entitled to my body today so I was rude back. Sometimes I just block but it felt quite gratifying to tell him that his head was so far stuck up his own ass it had come out of his mouth. Hee hee. Naughty H!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I prefer to just troll them. If I'm going to get abuse I at least want the chance to be a dick amd it's funnier than arguing.

Yes, one guy was rude and abusive and entitled to my body today so I was rude back. Sometimes I just block but it felt quite gratifying to tell him that his head was so far stuck up his own ass it had come out of his mouth. Hee hee. Naughty H! "

It's kind of fun because it is so terribly out of character for me as I'm conflict avoident and a total people pleaser in my life outside of fab.

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By *ucky88oMan
over a year ago

london

I love assertiveness in a Lady so much x

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I think my forum chat balances out my assertiveness, firm but kind is something I strive to be in life and this reflects in my personality.

I do seek out confident men because of this as I am acutely aware of potentially railroading a situation if he is being indecisive...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Being assertive or sticking up for one's self as a woman on fab often results in being called a bitch or being misread as someone that is unkind.

How do other women handle this? It's one of the most disheartening things about fab for me. Also, would love to hear from men who enjoy or can handle an assertive woman.

Also, I feel like the dynamics of fab mean that women have to be more Frank in their interactions. I've often been told that women on here are up their own arses without any recognition of what it's like to actually be a woman on here. And don't get me wrong I know it's Very though to be a guy on here too.

I feel like misogyny plays a massive part in what makes ffab a less than fabulous experience for many of us.

As long as the objective is to maintain your self respect in that circumstance and you do not become disrespectful yourself ... I met a few women that called themselves assertive, yet their attitude was arrogant and pushy and sometimes abusive. I feel many people use the word assertive as an excuse to boast themselves in a superior position and put others down."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I prefer to just troll them. If I'm going to get abuse I at least want the chance to be a dick amd it's funnier than arguing.

Yes, one guy was rude and abusive and entitled to my body today so I was rude back. Sometimes I just block but it felt quite gratifying to tell him that his head was so far stuck up his own ass it had come out of his mouth. Hee hee. Naughty H! "

That doesn't sound like assertiveness to me

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I've often seen it said on here that men don't like strong women.

As the father of 3 strong independent women and someone who worked for one for 20+ years there seems to be a different interpretation of the words "strong" and "assertive" on here.

Being strong and assertive means having the courage of your convictions and being able to stand your ground in any argument without having to resort to insults, name calling or misogyny and misandry.

Some people confuse being strong and assertive with people who shout louder and longer than others.

A strong assertive woman doesn't belittle others under the guise of being assertive.

That's along the lines of saying "I know I'm a dick but that's just who I am" and expecting others to accept that.

Some men are intimidated by truly strong assertive women but that's more about their own insecurities.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Sometimes it comes down the way people say things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Assertive: Someone who is assertive behaves confidently and is not frightened to say what they want or believe. (I'd argue that it should say without being rude or a troll).

Assertive shouldn't be about being rude, it's about being confident in your decisions without putting anybody down. If someone repeatedly said they wanted to meet me I wouldn't be rude or nasty to them, I'd be firm but fair without any name calling. I wouldn't put myself on a higher pedestal than them. We're all humans and should be treated as equals. I often think that those who are rude, either giving or receiving have their own issues and insecurities that they're pushing on others.

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

I’m assertive and not afraid to say what I think especially on here

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By *umslaveTV/TS
over a year ago

Sheffield

A lot of men are massive man babys whose egos cannot accept a 'lowly' woman talking back to them. Assertive, confident women are the best. Women who know what they want and aren't afraid to let people know. We need more!

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Men and women can be assertive or not as they feel fit. Makes no difference to me.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

I think you can only be true to yourself. If other people misread your intentions as being unkind or stuck up that is often more to do with their reaction to being rejected, in my experience. I don't think it's always a gendered thing either, although the balance of male to female on fab can make it feel that way.

Mrs TMN x

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Assertive over wishy washy any day

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By *toC Thats MeWoman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I think knowing what you want and having your own rules that won’t be bent for no one is a good thing. If others take offence to that, then they aren’t the kind of person I’d want to meet. X

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

I think many confuse women for not being subservient with being assertive.

Not putting up with all the bullshit we are subjected to every day should be as normal as it is for anyone else but we are labelled for it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've started to answer this a few times then realised I'm not really sure what assertiveness looks like in a woman. Is it the ability to say no to things she doesn't want to do or the ability to clearly communicate boundaries, maybe it's being able to articulate her requirements respectfully or is it refusal to take bull shit? I've never come across any competent adult who objects to women displaying these qualities I have encountered one or two immature men and women who can't cope with it though and label it bitchiness.

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

I much prefer someone who knows their own mind and how to communicate it.

That goes for either gender and all situations.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

She sat at the back and they said she was shy,

She led from the front and they hated her pride,

They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,

They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,

When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,

So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,

They told her they’d listen, then covered their ears,

And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,

And she listened to all of it thinking she could,

Be the girl they told her to be, best as she could,

But one day she asked what was best for herself,

Instead of trying to please everyone else,

So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,

She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves,

She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,

And she told them what she’d been told time after time,

She told them she felt she was never enough,

She was either too little or far far too much,

Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak,

Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,

Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs,

And she stopped….and she heard what the trees said to her,

And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,

For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe.

(Becky Hemsley - Talking to the wild)

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By *aby.rosaWoman
over a year ago

Midlands


"Being assertive or sticking up for one's self as a woman on fab often results in being called a bitch or being misread as someone that is unkind.

How do other women handle this? It's one of the most disheartening things about fab for me. Also, would love to hear from men who enjoy or can handle an assertive woman.

Also, I feel like the dynamics of fab mean that women have to be more Frank in their interactions. I've often been told that women on here are up their own arses without any recognition of what it's like to actually be a woman on here. And don't get me wrong I know it's Very though to be a guy on here too.

I feel like misogyny plays a massive part in what makes ffab a less than fabulous experience for many of us. "

Never apologise for being yourself. We are who we are and people that don’t accept it can move on. Be yourself and embrace it

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"She sat at the back and they said she was shy,

She led from the front and they hated her pride,

They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,

They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,

When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,

So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,

They told her they’d listen, then covered their ears,

And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,

And she listened to all of it thinking she could,

Be the girl they told her to be, best as she could,

But one day she asked what was best for herself,

Instead of trying to please everyone else,

So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,

She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves,

She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,

And she told them what she’d been told time after time,

She told them she felt she was never enough,

She was either too little or far far too much,

Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak,

Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,

Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs,

And she stopped….and she heard what the trees said to her,

And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,

For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe.

(Becky Hemsley - Talking to the wild) "

Lovely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There’s a difference between being assertive and being rude.

The trouble is that some of the time people take assertive/confident as rude, but that is their perception.

I started with refusing to apologise for taking up space I.e. when I’m in a shop and need to get past someone. Don’t need to be sorry for being somewhere I’m entitled to be.

I can’t do anything about those who see assertiveness as rude, or those who are misogynistic and expect women to ‘know their place’, it isn’t my problem, I can only continue to be assertive over my own rights, without being rude or confrontational.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Assertiveness is often damaging to fragile egos, and when you couple that with no 'real life' interaction it is easy to write some horrible things without considering the consequences.

Assertive men are often seen as arrogant men, so I guess we can apply the same fine line to women. Words on a screen can come across so differently in the eyes of the interpreter who has already been knocked back a few times already that day

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"There’s a difference between being assertive and being rude.

The trouble is that some of the time people take assertive/confident as rude, but that is their perception.

I started with refusing to apologise for taking up space I.e. when I’m in a shop and need to get past someone. Don’t need to be sorry for being somewhere I’m entitled to be.

I can’t do anything about those who see assertiveness as rude, or those who are misogynistic and expect women to ‘know their place’, it isn’t my problem, I can only continue to be assertive over my own rights, without being rude or confrontational. "

I remember that video was doing the rounds of the woman who refused to be the one to move out the way when walking through New York and started recording how many men and women she collided with as a result (many men and zero women). It made me so much more aware of it and I've noticed it ever since. It's shocking how often you're even forced to stop completely because someone doesn't move over even if there's plenty of room for you both to keep walking yet I sometimes must walk double the distance weaving back and forth and even stepping off the pavement to let people past because they don't want to give up their place in the centre of the empty pavement.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There’s a difference between being assertive and being rude.

The trouble is that some of the time people take assertive/confident as rude, but that is their perception.

I started with refusing to apologise for taking up space I.e. when I’m in a shop and need to get past someone. Don’t need to be sorry for being somewhere I’m entitled to be.

I can’t do anything about those who see assertiveness as rude, or those who are misogynistic and expect women to ‘know their place’, it isn’t my problem, I can only continue to be assertive over my own rights, without being rude or confrontational.

I remember that video was doing the rounds of the woman who refused to be the one to move out the way when walking through New York and started recording how many men and women she collided with as a result (many men and zero women). It made me so much more aware of it and I've noticed it ever since. It's shocking how often you're even forced to stop completely because someone doesn't move over even if there's plenty of room for you both to keep walking yet I sometimes must walk double the distance weaving back and forth and even stepping off the pavement to let people past because they don't want to give up their place in the centre of the empty pavement. "

Yep! I’m not advocating being rude obviously, but women are as entitled to take space up as anyone else.

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

Op I don't really care If someone mistakes my assertiveness for being bitchy. That's their issue not mine

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Op I don't really care If someone mistakes my assertiveness for being bitchy. That's their issue not mine "

Damn right!

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By *heRazorsEdgeMan
over a year ago

Wales/ All over UK


"Being assertive or sticking up for one's self as a woman on fab often results in being called a bitch or being misread as someone that is unkind.

How do other women handle this? It's one of the most disheartening things about fab for me. Also, would love to hear from men who enjoy or can handle an assertive woman.

Also, I feel like the dynamics of fab mean that women have to be more Frank in their interactions. I've often been told that women on here are up their own arses without any recognition of what it's like to actually be a woman on here. And don't get me wrong I know it's Very though to be a guy on here too.

I feel like misogyny plays a massive part in what makes ffab a less than fabulous experience for many of us. "

You’re 100% spot on about the misogyny issue on here.. there’s been a definite push buck in society against so called “woke” topics and a rise in anti-feminist behaviour is part of that.

Unfortunately there are a growing number of men that feel entitled to something and feel threatened by the thought of women being equal in all aspects of life, who then perceive anyone who declines their advances as being in the wrong… these ignorant guys are also growing on here as well.

Not enough of them get called out on this by other men unfortunately… but there are some of us that do like assertive and empowered women on here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a few others have said, some people think being assertive can be misconstrued as being rude. There are ways of saying things and I always try to be constructive and kind in what I say. I have become more vocal on here over the years but I've not lost who I am and I'd like to think that the people who know me on here will still see I'm a kind person. Always be yourself but you don't need to be nasty with it. That's just not needed x

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"There’s a difference between being assertive and being rude.

The trouble is that some of the time people take assertive/confident as rude, but that is their perception.

I started with refusing to apologise for taking up space I.e. when I’m in a shop and need to get past someone. Don’t need to be sorry for being somewhere I’m entitled to be.

I can’t do anything about those who see assertiveness as rude, or those who are misogynistic and expect women to ‘know their place’, it isn’t my problem, I can only continue to be assertive over my own rights, without being rude or confrontational.

I remember that video was doing the rounds of the woman who refused to be the one to move out the way when walking through New York and started recording how many men and women she collided with as a result (many men and zero women). It made me so much more aware of it and I've noticed it ever since. It's shocking how often you're even forced to stop completely because someone doesn't move over even if there's plenty of room for you both to keep walking yet I sometimes must walk double the distance weaving back and forth and even stepping off the pavement to let people past because they don't want to give up their place in the centre of the empty pavement.

Yep! I’m not advocating being rude obviously, but women are as entitled to take space up as anyone else."

Yep. I have started to occasionally refuse to be bullied out the way. I was going through the automatic doors to leave my tesco the other week and they're wide enough for 4 or 5 people to walk through at the same time (think big main entrance doors) and I was at the very edge of them and ended up face to face with a guy who was slightly to the side of me so he was further into the doorway and he genuinely looked to me to move over even though in the position we were in, me moving over would mean me moving and waiting to the side of the door so he could pass through a huge, empty doorway as his position was blocking me from moving to the side where there was more doorway. What kind of madness is that!?

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

I listened to a discussion regarding the term “Alpha Male”, the discussion was between men. It was strange (and refreshing) because all of them men couldn’t understand why the term Alpha was applied to men and not people.

The discussion was trying to describe what constitutes Alpha behaviour, I was surprised with the results, Alpha, to this group, meant someone that cared for the ones they loved, looked out for them and supported them, offered compassion and empathy and tried to deflect life’s blows. This could apply to either male or female people. Not the definition that we have been led to believe by any chalk.

Labels and the media have contrived to pigeonhole us into roles, it does this so that we are easier to market too, when you break from the “norm” you upset their contrived balance and must be put back in the grouping they have chosen for you.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

If me saying no and sticking to my boundaries and principles deems me as "assertive' then yes I am. I know me better than anyone. Sometimes people put too much emphasis on what others think about them on here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There’s a difference between being assertive and being rude.

The trouble is that some of the time people take assertive/confident as rude, but that is their perception.

I started with refusing to apologise for taking up space I.e. when I’m in a shop and need to get past someone. Don’t need to be sorry for being somewhere I’m entitled to be.

I can’t do anything about those who see assertiveness as rude, or those who are misogynistic and expect women to ‘know their place’, it isn’t my problem, I can only continue to be assertive over my own rights, without being rude or confrontational.

I remember that video was doing the rounds of the woman who refused to be the one to move out the way when walking through New York and started recording how many men and women she collided with as a result (many men and zero women). It made me so much more aware of it and I've noticed it ever since. It's shocking how often you're even forced to stop completely because someone doesn't move over even if there's plenty of room for you both to keep walking yet I sometimes must walk double the distance weaving back and forth and even stepping off the pavement to let people past because they don't want to give up their place in the centre of the empty pavement.

Yep! I’m not advocating being rude obviously, but women are as entitled to take space up as anyone else.

Yep. I have started to occasionally refuse to be bullied out the way. I was going through the automatic doors to leave my tesco the other week and they're wide enough for 4 or 5 people to walk through at the same time (think big main entrance doors) and I was at the very edge of them and ended up face to face with a guy who was slightly to the side of me so he was further into the doorway and he genuinely looked to me to move over even though in the position we were in, me moving over would mean me moving and waiting to the side of the door so he could pass through a huge, empty doorway as his position was blocking me from moving to the side where there was more doorway. What kind of madness is that!? "

It is ridiculous. I’ve started doing the same.

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By *lasphemousGirlWoman
over a year ago

Cambs

Assertive is a yes from me, I love a person who knows what makes them tick and isn't afraid to say it but bitchy, negative or arrogant pretending to be assertive when actually they're just an asshole is a no.

You can usually be assertive without being unkind or rude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There’s a difference between being assertive and being rude.

The trouble is that some of the time people take assertive/confident as rude, but that is their perception.

I started with refusing to apologise for taking up space I.e. when I’m in a shop and need to get past someone. Don’t need to be sorry for being somewhere I’m entitled to be.

I can’t do anything about those who see assertiveness as rude, or those who are misogynistic and expect women to ‘know their place’, it isn’t my problem, I can only continue to be assertive over my own rights, without being rude or confrontational. "

People walking 2 side by side on pavements and expect me to walk in the road rather than them just walking single file for 5 seconds.

I don't move anymore. Or I walk on the inside so they have to step in the road.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"There’s a difference between being assertive and being rude.

The trouble is that some of the time people take assertive/confident as rude, but that is their perception.

I started with refusing to apologise for taking up space I.e. when I’m in a shop and need to get past someone. Don’t need to be sorry for being somewhere I’m entitled to be.

I can’t do anything about those who see assertiveness as rude, or those who are misogynistic and expect women to ‘know their place’, it isn’t my problem, I can only continue to be assertive over my own rights, without being rude or confrontational.

People walking 2 side by side on pavements and expect me to walk in the road rather than them just walking single file for 5 seconds.

I don't move anymore. Or I walk on the inside so they have to step in the road. "

I just stop lol. I get quite miffed when dog walkers expect me to step off the path into mud so that their dog doesn't have to

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Assertive is saying "no thank you" firmly and politely.

Bitchy is saying "not in a million years loser"

All genders are capable of both.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel on fab I have to be assertive as so many don't read profile before they message etc. If its clear by there message they haven't read my profile then I always reply, please read my profile.

This is often replied to with abuse and being called names.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I feel on fab I have to be assertive as so many don't read profile before they message etc. If its clear by there message they haven't read my profile then I always reply, please read my profile.

This is often replied to with abuse and being called names.

"

Strange how quickly their perceptions change when doubt is cast upon their intentions

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I feel on fab I have to be assertive as so many don't read profile before they message etc. If its clear by there message they haven't read my profile then I always reply, please read my profile.

This is often replied to with abuse and being called names.

Strange how quickly their perceptions change when doubt is cast upon their intentions "
.

Indeed! I suppose they're doing you a favour in the long run. I sometimes wonder if I'm suitably thick skinned for fab.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

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"There’s a difference between being assertive and being rude.

The trouble is that some of the time people take assertive/confident as rude, but that is their perception.

I started with refusing to apologise for taking up space I.e. when I’m in a shop and need to get past someone. Don’t need to be sorry for being somewhere I’m entitled to be.

I can’t do anything about those who see assertiveness as rude, or those who are misogynistic and expect women to ‘know their place’, it isn’t my problem, I can only continue to be assertive over my own rights, without being rude or confrontational.

People walking 2 side by side on pavements and expect me to walk in the road rather than them just walking single file for 5 seconds.

I don't move anymore. Or I walk on the inside so they have to step in the road. "

I fake cough now, that soon sends them scurrying out the way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did pushing past someone who doesn't know you are there and not apologising move from being assertive instead of being rude and not just being plane polite?

It is nice to be nice, it is nice to be assertive. It isn't nice to be rude.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

In my experience many people mistake being assertive with being rude

Being assertive is about being honest with what you want, what you don’t, and being unapologetic in it. It’s about being an adult in the interaction and rising above.

Being rude back to someone that’s been rude to you isn’t assertive. It’s childish. Eye for an eye makes the whole world blind etc.

To me being assertive isn’t just one thing. It’s a collection of behaviour and mannerisms that all go together to make some assertive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There’s a difference between being assertive and being rude.

The trouble is that some of the time people take assertive/confident as rude, but that is their perception.

I started with refusing to apologise for taking up space I.e. when I’m in a shop and need to get past someone. Don’t need to be sorry for being somewhere I’m entitled to be.

I can’t do anything about those who see assertiveness as rude, or those who are misogynistic and expect women to ‘know their place’, it isn’t my problem, I can only continue to be assertive over my own rights, without being rude or confrontational.

People walking 2 side by side on pavements and expect me to walk in the road rather than them just walking single file for 5 seconds.

I don't move anymore. Or I walk on the inside so they have to step in the road.

I just stop lol. I get quite miffed when dog walkers expect me to step off the path into mud so that their dog doesn't have to "

Sometimes I stop. Especially if they are oblivious chatting or looking at their phone. They can walk into me, I'm like a grumpy brick wall.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There’s a difference between being assertive and being rude.

The trouble is that some of the time people take assertive/confident as rude, but that is their perception.

I started with refusing to apologise for taking up space I.e. when I’m in a shop and need to get past someone. Don’t need to be sorry for being somewhere I’m entitled to be.

I can’t do anything about those who see assertiveness as rude, or those who are misogynistic and expect women to ‘know their place’, it isn’t my problem, I can only continue to be assertive over my own rights, without being rude or confrontational.

People walking 2 side by side on pavements and expect me to walk in the road rather than them just walking single file for 5 seconds.

I don't move anymore. Or I walk on the inside so they have to step in the road.

I fake cough now, that soon sends them scurrying out the way "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only started getting grief when I asserted my boundaries - "Up yourself" "bitch" "why are you even here?". If some people consider boundaries rude - that's their lookout.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"There’s a difference between being assertive and being rude.

The trouble is that some of the time people take assertive/confident as rude, but that is their perception.

I started with refusing to apologise for taking up space I.e. when I’m in a shop and need to get past someone. Don’t need to be sorry for being somewhere I’m entitled to be.

I can’t do anything about those who see assertiveness as rude, or those who are misogynistic and expect women to ‘know their place’, it isn’t my problem, I can only continue to be assertive over my own rights, without being rude or confrontational.

People walking 2 side by side on pavements and expect me to walk in the road rather than them just walking single file for 5 seconds.

I don't move anymore. Or I walk on the inside so they have to step in the road.

I just stop lol. I get quite miffed when dog walkers expect me to step off the path into mud so that their dog doesn't have to

Sometimes I stop. Especially if they are oblivious chatting or looking at their phone. They can walk into me, I'm like a grumpy brick wall. "

I tend to judge the situation. I find the most polite are groups of teenage guys, they tend to stand back or move to let me through. During lockdown they would go out of their way to allow me to walk past them.

What I really dislike are the people who walk deliberately slowly in front of my car when crossing the road. These tend to be young men and women of around 15 or 16 or quite old people. I feel I'm asserting my ability to digress here though vie I'll bugger off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

And she stopped….and she heard what the trees said to her,

And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,

For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe.

(Becky Hemsley - Talking to the wild) "

Beautiful words

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A collection of behaviours, precisely.

Using my example, you don't have to say sorry when you push past someone who doesn't know they sre in your way, but you can say excuse me and thank you, being both assertive and polite

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There’s a difference between being assertive and being rude.

The trouble is that some of the time people take assertive/confident as rude, but that is their perception.

I started with refusing to apologise for taking up space I.e. when I’m in a shop and need to get past someone. Don’t need to be sorry for being somewhere I’m entitled to be.

I can’t do anything about those who see assertiveness as rude, or those who are misogynistic and expect women to ‘know their place’, it isn’t my problem, I can only continue to be assertive over my own rights, without being rude or confrontational.

People walking 2 side by side on pavements and expect me to walk in the road rather than them just walking single file for 5 seconds.

I don't move anymore. Or I walk on the inside so they have to step in the road.

I just stop lol. I get quite miffed when dog walkers expect me to step off the path into mud so that their dog doesn't have to

Sometimes I stop. Especially if they are oblivious chatting or looking at their phone. They can walk into me, I'm like a grumpy brick wall.

I tend to judge the situation. I find the most polite are groups of teenage guys, they tend to stand back or move to let me through. During lockdown they would go out of their way to allow me to walk past them.

What I really dislike are the people who walk deliberately slowly in front of my car when crossing the road. These tend to be young men and women of around 15 or 16 or quite old people. I feel I'm asserting my ability to digress here though vie I'll bugger off "

Good point, I've found teenage boys to be most polite.

If it's a couple of old people I'd move but glare at them. A la Micky Flanagan.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I recognise a few from the thread where we talked about people pleasers. It strikes me that when women stop being people pleasers, that's when they encounter pushback. (Goes for anyone tbh). But one can be unbending and polite.

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By *heonix_flamesWoman
over a year ago

Midlands

Yep. I’m not particularly “nice” with people who message asking to meet anymore when my profile is very clear. I don’t think I’m rude unless I respond to their rudeness, but I do tell people that what it says applies to them too, even if they think they’re so special that it shouldn’t. Apparently this means that I’m rude, arrogant, miserable, moody, have no manners, shouldn’t be on here, I’m a time waster, and a “Karen”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I recognise a few from the thread where we talked about people pleasers. It strikes me that when women stop being people pleasers, that's when they encounter pushback. (Goes for anyone tbh). But one can be unbending and polite. "

Exactly right, you can uphold your boundaries firmly and confidently, without being rude, however some people will still take that as rude, and you can’t do anything about that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I feel on fab I have to be assertive as so many don't read profile before they message etc. If its clear by there message they haven't read my profile then I always reply, please read my profile.

This is often replied to with abuse and being called names.

Strange how quickly their perceptions change when doubt is cast upon their intentions .

Indeed! I suppose they're doing you a favour in the long run. I sometimes wonder if I'm suitably thick skinned for fab. "

I think we all have times when we feel we aren’t thick skinned enough for fab, I know I have, I’ve found it goes in stages, and has actually been quite helpful in building my ability to be kindly assertive, even though it didn’t feel like that at times.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"In my experience many people mistake being assertive with being rude

Being assertive is about being honest with what you want, what you don’t, and being unapologetic in it. It’s about being an adult in the interaction and rising above.

Being rude back to someone that’s been rude to you isn’t assertive. It’s childish. Eye for an eye makes the whole world blind etc.

To me being assertive isn’t just one thing. It’s a collection of behaviour and mannerisms that all go together to make some assertive "

Agreed. I've felt sorry before for people when I've heard/read on here the responses they receive. Sending fuck off, mocking etc to a "how r u?" isn't being assertive, it's rude.

I think that women as a whole aren't particularly great for being assertive - years of social conditioning to apologise for taking up too much space, for not being the ideal. That being said, I do think assertion and rudeness can be confused.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I feel on fab I have to be assertive as so many don't read profile before they message etc. If its clear by there message they haven't read my profile then I always reply, please read my profile.

This is often replied to with abuse and being called names.

Strange how quickly their perceptions change when doubt is cast upon their intentions "

Exactly.but I have come to the point where I can laugh it off, but did appreciate you sticking up for me the last time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I feel on fab I have to be assertive as so many don't read profile before they message etc. If its clear by there message they haven't read my profile then I always reply, please read my profile.

This is often replied to with abuse and being called names.

Strange how quickly their perceptions change when doubt is cast upon their intentions .

Indeed! I suppose they're doing you a favour in the long run. I sometimes wonder if I'm suitably thick skinned for fab. "

I'm such a softy in real life but I know on fab im not simply because I have to be so straight to the point due to others behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Exactly.but I have come to the point where I can laugh it off, but did appreciate you sticking it up me the last time "

Fixed it

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"There’s a difference between being assertive and being rude.

The trouble is that some of the time people take assertive/confident as rude, but that is their perception.

I started with refusing to apologise for taking up space I.e. when I’m in a shop and need to get past someone. Don’t need to be sorry for being somewhere I’m entitled to be.

I can’t do anything about those who see assertiveness as rude, or those who are misogynistic and expect women to ‘know their place’, it isn’t my problem, I can only continue to be assertive over my own rights, without being rude or confrontational.

People walking 2 side by side on pavements and expect me to walk in the road rather than them just walking single file for 5 seconds.

I don't move anymore. Or I walk on the inside so they have to step in the road.

I just stop lol. I get quite miffed when dog walkers expect me to step off the path into mud so that their dog doesn't have to

Sometimes I stop. Especially if they are oblivious chatting or looking at their phone. They can walk into me, I'm like a grumpy brick wall.

I tend to judge the situation. I find the most polite are groups of teenage guys, they tend to stand back or move to let me through. During lockdown they would go out of their way to allow me to walk past them.

What I really dislike are the people who walk deliberately slowly in front of my car when crossing the road. These tend to be young men and women of around 15 or 16 or quite old people. I feel I'm asserting my ability to digress here though vie I'll bugger off

Good point, I've found teenage boys to be most polite.

If it's a couple of old people I'd move but glare at them. A la Micky Flanagan. "

I suspect I remind teenagers of their nan .

I've never seen you and Mickey in the same room now I come to think of it...

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

But what I really want to know is when are you heading into the kitchen to make me a sandwich?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"But what I really want to know is when are you heading into the kitchen to make me a sandwich?"

In 30 minutes. Mature cheese and Branston pickle?

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"But what I really want to know is when are you heading into the kitchen to make me a sandwich?

In 30 minutes. Mature cheese and Branston pickle? "

Don’t forget to cut the crusts off!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"But what I really want to know is when are you heading into the kitchen to make me a sandwich?

In 30 minutes. Mature cheese and Branston pickle? "

Sounds good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do wonder if there has ever been an ‘Assertive men’ post on Fab, started in a similar non-sexual context.

Probably not ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do wonder if there has ever been an ‘Assertive men’ post on Fab, started in a similar non-sexual context.

Probably not ..."

I searched, there hasn’t.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I do wonder if there has ever been an ‘Assertive men’ post on Fab, started in a similar non-sexual context.

Probably not ...

I searched, there hasn’t. "

I think it'll be the "alpha male" and then you always get the comments like "yeah, I'm an alpha male, I love to throw women round the bedroom and make them gag on my big thick cock" and the room goes....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do wonder if there has ever been an ‘Assertive men’ post on Fab, started in a similar non-sexual context.

Probably not ...

I searched, there hasn’t.

I think it'll be the "alpha male" and then you always get the comments like "yeah, I'm an alpha male, I love to throw women round the bedroom and make them gag on my big thick cock" and the room goes.... "

Usually started by the least alpha type, the one who buys the guys pints hoping they be allowed to sit on the same table.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've spoken to a few guys on here when I (male of MF couple) was on as a single guy. If I said I wasn't interested I would sometimes get crap off guys. So I don't think its as much about the women as it is about guys mis-handling rejection.

I'm not everyone's cup of tea, that's life. If a woman says no then thanks for replying. If they don't respond I'm sure its because she is overwhelmed with offers from better suited guys to their taste. No need to get my knickers in a twist.

Move on and try again.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"Being assertive or sticking up for one's self as a woman on fab often results in being called a bitch or being misread as someone that is unkind.

How do other women handle this? It's one of the most disheartening things about fab for me. Also, would love to hear from men who enjoy or can handle an assertive woman.

Also, I feel like the dynamics of fab mean that women have to be more Frank in their interactions. I've often been told that women on here are up their own arses without any recognition of what it's like to actually be a woman on here. And don't get me wrong I know it's Very though to be a guy on here too.

I feel like misogyny plays a massive part in what makes ffab a less than fabulous experience for many of us. "

Sorry you feel like that but I’m not surprised. Same at work assertive women are labelled all kinds of nasty things.

Culture takes a long time to change and fab will be one of the last things to change on this, it’s decades behind. Just carry on , fuck em.

I bought my daughters lean in by Cheryl sandberg to prepare them for this at work ….

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"I've often seen it said on here that men don't like strong women.

As the father of 3 strong independent women and someone who worked for one for 20+ years there seems to be a different interpretation of the words "strong" and "assertive" on here.

Being strong and assertive means having the courage of your convictions and being able to stand your ground in any argument without having to resort to insults, name calling or misogyny and misandry.

Some people confuse being strong and assertive with people who shout louder and longer than others.

A strong assertive woman doesn't belittle others under the guise of being assertive.

That's along the lines of saying "I know I'm a dick but that's just who I am" and expecting others to accept that.

Some men are intimidated by truly strong assertive women but that's more about their own insecurities. "

That’s all true but the issue really is how women are judged when they ex hit the exact same assertive behaviours as men, they are called awkward, pushy, not empathetic etc because society expects them not to be assertive.

Assertive is simply knowing very clearly what you want and how to go about getting it, without abusing anyone. It comes very natural to many of us men and women, but it’s acceptable for men to do it, it’s seen as a strength. In west Africa most the women are more assertive than guys here in the U.K. , they have to be to survive. And so it’s more acceptable there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have seen more misogyny on here than I have in real life. The vast majority of the men here are sound, but there’s one or two pieces of work.

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