FabSwingers.com forum: How to politely decline

By *irtycumbo OP Couple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Hey everyone... so my question is...how do you politely decline?

I hate the thought of upsetting anyone, sorry if I come across as shallow, but when it comes to meetings with my hubby, I have a particular "type" of guy when it comes to looks. I know looks aren't everything, and I agree there needs to be great personality, laughs and banter too, but I just can't have sex with someone I am not physically attracted to. We tend to ask for face pics, but if said person isn't my "type", I'm not sure how to say so politely without hurting his feelings or stabbing at his confidence.

Any help is appreciated xx

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

Truth is no matter how you go about it as tactfully as you can some will still strop or throw dummies out of the pram. Better to block sometimes and move on.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Hey everyone... so my question is...how do you politely decline?

Any help is appreciated xx"

A simple "sorry, not my type" usually does the job. You don't need to apologise for not having sex with someone you're not attracted to.

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi. Thanks for getting in touch. You’re lovely, but I don’t think we’d be well matched. Wish you all the best though.

How’s that?

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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la

A simple "Sorry you aren't what I'm looking for" I think is fine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would just be polite and respectful of someone's feelings. If I do that and they choose to turn nasty, I know it's on them and not me.

Everyone has preferences, whether they realise or not, and sometimes, there's just no click. And that's OK. We can't all like the same things.

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By *irtycumbo OP Couple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Hi. Thanks for getting in touch. You’re lovely, but I don’t think we’d be well matched. Wish you all the best though.

How’s that?

That's a really good way of putting it! I just feel bad if we have chatted for a bit then they send a face pic...and I'm like ...erm ...nooo...I dont face them lol god I'm now sounding a little shallow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A simple "Sorry you aren't what I'm looking for" I think is fine. "

That’s what we usually write. Last night we got this response…

“Why bother replying? Do you get off on giving people the knock back?”

It seems as a couple or a single lady you can’t win.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

I'd say you do look a lovely person but I'm just going to continue with my circle of friends and don't want to feel like I'm being greedy

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By *irtycumbo OP Couple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"A simple "Sorry you aren't what I'm looking for" I think is fine.

That’s what we usually write. Last night we got this response…

“Why bother replying? Do you get off on giving people the knock back?”

It seems as a couple or a single lady you can’t win."

This is the thing... I don't like to just not reply...however. .there's also people who respond this way... seems like a no win situation sometimes xx

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By *ana_nana_MATTMAN!Man
over a year ago

Haywood Village, Weston-super-Mare

There's not really a guaranteed way of turning someone down without upsetting them, that's more based on their own self-esteem. As long as you're polite, that's all you can do really.

Alternatively, you can always try using a creative lie; one of the better lies I've received over the years is "I'm sorry, you seem lovely, but you look way too much like my ex."

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"A simple "Sorry you aren't what I'm looking for" I think is fine.

That’s what we usually write. Last night we got this response…

“Why bother replying? Do you get off on giving people the knock back?”

It seems as a couple or a single lady you can’t win."

I think that's right. You can't win with some people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have written on my profile that "NO answer means NO as an answer" and that seems to do the trick, I leave them as read and that's it, they get the gist. Otherwise 1) it would be too much to answer them all 2) it would put me in the position of having to politely decline lots of people and that always makes me feel bad and 3) I would likely get some abuse back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A simple "Sorry you aren't what I'm looking for" I think is fine.

That’s what we usually write. Last night we got this response…

“Why bother replying? Do you get off on giving people the knock back?”

It seems as a couple or a single lady you can’t win.

This is the thing... I don't like to just not reply...however. .there's also people who respond this way... seems like a no win situation sometimes xx"

We’ve only had responses like this a couple of times so we will still try to reply. I actually prefer that response to those who try to convince you to meet them. At least with a negative response we just block them.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I usually tell a porkie pie and make it about distance rather than them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually just don't reply. I find when you do, it opens up lines of communication I'd rather not have

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

But I still chat with people whom we sexually don't fit or distance their is more than just sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry you're too far away.

If they've sent a face pic... you're really hot and out of my league. Hope you find someone nice x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I usually tell a porkie pie and make it about distance rather than them."

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

Never engage in chat until you have seen their face pic.

Anybody wanting to meet anybody would send pics before or very early in chatting anyway.

Another line is 'thank you for sharing your face picture, I really appreciated it but I don't want to take this any further'.

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By *irtycumbo OP Couple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"But I still chat with people whom we sexually don't fit or distance their is more than just sex

I totally agree with this also. .however if we are actively looking and chatting about a meet, that's when I'm not sure how to decline

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Hey everyone... so my question is...how do you politely decline?

Any help is appreciated xx"

I think when it comes to one offs then it's not shallow at all for it to be solely based on attraction....it being a given that they aren't a jerk.

If I was looking for deep and meaningful then that's a different story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we get a message from a guy that has taken the time time and effort to contact us we always try to reply. Some days are busier than others so we don't always have time, but if we do we just say ' thanks for your lovely message, it's a polite no thanks from us but happy fabbing'

We always get responses saying how grateful they are to get a reply and in general that's it, no further questions, although we do get a few that then want to know why, what they can do to improve their profile etc but we just ignore from then on otherwise you end up back and forth with messages which aren't going to come to anything xxx

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"A simple "Sorry you aren't what I'm looking for" I think is fine.

That’s what we usually write. Last night we got this response…

“Why bother replying? Do you get off on giving people the knock back?”

It seems as a couple or a single lady you can’t win."

I think it’s actually unhealthy to feel like the OP, and feel the need to explain why you don’t want to have sex. I’m sorry but a straight No, or no reply is plenty, don’t even say sorry or apologise , there’s absolutely no need

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A simple "Sorry you aren't what I'm looking for" I think is fine.

That’s what we usually write. Last night we got this response…

“Why bother replying? Do you get off on giving people the knock back?”

It seems as a couple or a single lady you can’t win.

Absolutely. I (the male of the couple) only reply for the simple fact that I can sympathise with a single male and how hard it can be on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just say;

Thank you for the lovely message. I’m afraid I’m going through a selfish phase in my life and only shagging people I fancy. Sorry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just ignore, sometimes I feel awful especially if I've asked for a face pic, buuuuut I found if I reply with sorry you're not my type people get more offended. I could fully accept if that happened to me without sending rude messages so I tend to think it's a them problem lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have learnt that the more detail you give with a no, the more reasons some people will have to reply back and argue. If I say no due to distance - they will suggest hotels. If I say not my type, they argue about that. So now I say:

Thank you for your message but sorry, I am not interested. Happy fabbing.

No detail on why I have refused.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

I know what u mean I find it very difficult! And it makes me feel shallow and mean x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just ignore, sometimes I feel awful especially if I've asked for a face pic, buuuuut I found if I reply with sorry you're not my type people get more offended. I could fully accept if that happened to me without sending rude messages so I tend to think it's a them problem lol"

I turned down someone recently after a face pic - I said I'm sorry but there's no attraction for me. It's blunt but - what can you do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I just say;

Thank you for the lovely message. I’m afraid I’m going through a selfish phase in my life and only shagging people I fancy. Sorry.

God I love that. I don't have the chutzpah to use it though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I do reply, which I don’t always, I usually say “not for me thanks”.

I haven’t had any problems with that so far.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

How do/would you like to be told no?

Use that to determine how you speak to people.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

"Hi. Thanks for getting in touch. You’re lovely, but I don’t think we’d be well matched. Wish you all the best though.

How’s that?

This.

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By *irtycumbo OP Couple
over a year ago

Glasgow

" I just say;

Thank you for the lovely message. I’m afraid I’m going through a selfish phase in my life and only shagging people I fancy. Sorry.

Fair enough

this made me chuckle haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I just say;

Thank you for the lovely message. I’m afraid I’m going through a selfish phase in my life and only shagging people I fancy. Sorry.

God I love that. I don't have the chutzpah to use it though. "

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By *irtycumbo OP Couple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"How do/would you like to be told no?

Use that to determine how you speak to people."

God I haven't thought about it that way... that's a good point. I thinkni would maybe rather they just didn't answer me haha

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By *irtycumbo OP Couple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Hi. Thanks for getting in touch. You’re lovely, but I don’t think we’d be well matched. Wish you all the best though.

How’s that?

This."

Yes I think this is a really good response!

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"How do/would you like to be told no?

Use that to determine how you speak to people."

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By *rad670Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

Op, it's nice of you to consider the feelings of the person but the fact you would even reply to politely decline is more than most do. There are man men that just take no answer as a no but probably appreciate a no thanks, not for us, not my type message. You can't politely decline everyone, it's not your problem if they are not adult enough to move on.

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By *izandpaulCouple
over a year ago

merseyside

Maybe just meet for a social, have a nice evening in a pub, few drinks and laughter.

Before the meet let them know there will be no play, just a social.

Let them know shortly after initial meet if you are happy to meet again.

For us it's just a " nice to meet you last night, Paul and I had a lovely time but we won't be taking it any further, good luck".

This message within 24 hours.

Only had one negative response to this approach.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Maybe just meet for a social, have a nice evening in a pub, few drinks and laughter.

Before the meet let them know there will be no play, just a social.

Let them know shortly after initial meet if you are happy to meet again.

For us it's just a " nice to meet you last night, Paul and I had a lovely time but we won't be taking it any further, good luck".

This message within 24 hours.

Only had one negative response to this approach."

This is more or less now we do things.

Op you can't say no to someone without upsetting them on some level even if it's just a fleeting feeling of disappointment. We're all adults and most people behave as such

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I keep it short and sweet with a no thank you or not what I'm looking for sorry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unpopular opinion but I’ve learnt over time to not really bother….if they have taken the time for a nice message I will…but other than that I just delete. I tried being polite and replying to everyone but they then just use it as a reason to carry on chatting…or get abusive…or ask what’s wrong with them, they’ll literally say anything to get more replies and it’s extremely draining. So I often delete, and I’m not sorry for that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe just meet for a social, have a nice evening in a pub, few drinks and laughter.

Before the meet let them know there will be no play, just a social.

Let them know shortly after initial meet if you are happy to meet again.

For us it's just a " nice to meet you last night, Paul and I had a lovely time but we won't be taking it any further, good luck".

This message within 24 hours.

Only had one negative response to this approach."

I always meet within 2 weeks of first chatting for just a social. Pics mean nothing to me, I need to meet in person.

Social only, nothing sexual. If they start sex chat before we've met I bin them.

Then they can turn me down via text which is easier than in person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unpopular opinion but I’ve learnt over time to not really bother….if they have taken the time for a nice message I will…but other than that I just delete. I tried being polite and replying to everyone but they then just use it as a reason to carry on chatting…or get abusive…or ask what’s wrong with them, they’ll literally say anything to get more replies and it’s extremely draining. So I often delete, and I’m not sorry for that. "

I agree. Being nice and polite makes it more likely you will have more chat with someone you don't want to chat with. Or get grief. I reply politely but bluntly to some messages. I put the same energy in that they have. So "hi" gets deleted. A long personal message gets a politer reply with "good luck" etc.

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By *erfectman122Man
over a year ago

from somewhere nice

I keep it short just a no thank you

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By *itzi999Woman
over a year ago

Slough

"Hey everyone... so my question is...how do you politely decline?

Any help is appreciated xx"

On here just block.

In real life just say sorry you’re not my type

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By *adbod7519Man
over a year ago

Leeds

‘You’re very good looking but not my type’ Then you’re letting them down but with a compliment. Even if you don’t think they’re good looking.

Theres already too much toxicity in the world without adding to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Girls - sorry, I’m gay.

Guys - sorry, I’m straight.

Job done.

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By *iman2100Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Judging by some on here their preferred method is to play the guy along, arrange a meet, preferably in a hotel so it costs them money and then, a few hours before the meet, fabricate an excuse that blames them for you withdrawing. However I can see you are nothing like that.

Personally I prefer a simple "Sorry not my type - have fun on here" and leave it. I do not bother folks who have said no.

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

...

Everyone has preferences, whether they realise or not, and sometimes, there's just no click. And that's OK. We can't all like the same things. "

Until I looked more closely at the screen, I read that as 'and sometimes, there's just no dick' !

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

After a face pic swap where I don't fancy him, I just say

I'm not feeling the compatibility that I am looking for, so friendship is the only thing I want to continue with. I wish you well in your journey

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By *entative_steps7781Couple
over a year ago

Home

If they ha e pit some thought and effort into their message then something along the lines of

Thanks for your message, you are not what we are looking for right now.

Short and simple and so far not had a bad response.

If its a one word/no effort message - delete straight away. They didn't put effort in, so neither will I!

MJ x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Easy.

Delete the message while blocking the sender at the same time

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

It comes with the territory unfortunately and is worse when you’ve chatted for a while before and then you get sent face pics.

All you can do is be honest and say ‘sorry you aren’t for us’ - we’ve all had knock backs on here, we’ll get them again.

But what can you do? You aren’t going to pity fuck them so being honest is the best way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I end up saying something like, "thanks for your photo, you look great but not quite what I'm looking for".

I hate to think I upset anyone but what else can you say.

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By *irtycumbo OP Couple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Thank you very much everyone for your input... if we get a simple 'hi' message we tend to just delete.

Our profile is very detailed in exactly what we are looking for so as not to waste our time or anyone else..we have also said in our profile...a simple hi or straight up cock pic does nothing for us.

I have taken on board all suggestions and hopefully I won't feel so bad in the future...maybe I just need to toughen up haha

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Not meeting currently or if I am meeting I’ll say already arranged something. Any further questions they just get blocked. I’ll unblock them a few days later.

I’ve had situations in which I’ve been honest with someone but it never ends well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you very much everyone for your input... if we get a simple 'hi' message we tend to just delete.

Our profile is very detailed in exactly what we are looking for so as not to waste our time or anyone else..we have also said in our profile...a simple hi or straight up cock pic does nothing for us.

I have taken on board all suggestions and hopefully I won't feel so bad in the future...maybe I just need to toughen up haha

I'm afraid you do have to think a bit more selfishly or you find yourself spending time chatting with people you have no interest in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to give a full explanation. I tend to stick to "no thanks". Otherwise some will start explaining how they can magically meet the criteria which you have just explained they don't meet.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

"Hey everyone... so my question is...how do you politely decline?

Any help is appreciated xx"

Try and leave them not feeling so negative, other then that honesty is the best policy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey everyone... so my question is...how do you politely decline?

Any help is appreciated xx"

Just say "sorry not my type, good luck and best wishes". That is the polite way to do it. Blocking with no explanation, ghosting, or ignoring is NOT polite, however people try to justify it. If a guy, or a chick, is acting lije a twat, then yes, blocking, etc. is fine but between reasonable people, it's not polite.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey everyone... so my question is...how do you politely decline?

Any help is appreciated xx

So if a profile receives 50/100/200+ messages a day they're not allowed to ignore them?

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Hey everyone... so my question is...how do you politely decline?

Any help is appreciated xx

So if a profile receives 50/100/200+ messages a day they're not allowed to ignore them? "

By replying they also get around any filters set up as well.

And nobody has to justify their actions on this site.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"not for me thanks"

Then if they respond I delete the msg unread, because inevitably they msg again days or weeks later.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

It's in the site FAQs, no reply is no thanks.

Nobody is owed a reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I disagree. I’m not here to spend all my time answering messages, I answer some, if they are polite and warrant a response.

Too many people think they are entitled to a response/women’s time and they just aren’t.

We don’t have to be ‘good girls’ and reply, our time on here is to use as WE wish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I disagree. I’m not here to spend all my time answering messages, I answer some, if they are polite and warrant a response.

Too many people think they are entitled to a response/women’s time and they just aren’t.

We don’t have to be ‘good girls’ and reply, our time on here is to use as WE wish."

And I still get messages from those I did politely reply to, even though my filters are currently on, because once you’ve replied to someone they can circumnavigate your filters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just be honest, tell them you have given it some thought and they aren’t quite the right fit, anyone who has been on here for any length of time will know the rules, if they don’t take it too kindly that’s not you hurting them, that’s them hurting themselves, that’s for them to deal with, calm seas makes shit sailors and all that

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