FabSwingers.com forum: Choosing to be...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

sexy. Quite a simple concept isn't it? A friend last night said they chose to be sexy and that shift in mindset helped them to be.

So, do you think that's possible? Do you find sexiness from within and/or is it from others? And final waffling question - what makes you feel sexy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feeling/being sexy comes from within doesn’t it, an inner belief, so I would agree with her.

Someone can tell you that you’re sexy until they are blue in the face, but you have to know it yourself.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

I feel sexy when I am at my most relaxed. It’s a strange one because I class it as “feeling nourished and content with the world”, when I am able to smile and my eyes sparkle, then I feel sexy, this is very rare for me of late however.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am sexy and I know it....was almost written for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feeling sexy comes from your own head. It's irrelevant what anyone else thinks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I'm feeling a bit frumpy and someone I like says he wants to grab me and fuck me I suddenly feel sexy.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

It’s very much a mindset…

I can be walking around a supermarket but in my head I’m reflecting on a scenario or recent sex! Or if we have a meet arranged I’m playing it through in my head.

You can think yourself sexy too or have triggers like certain songs that automatically can change your mode/mindset.

We can also work each other up - if one isn’t feeling it then watching the other, a few strokes, eye contact, seeing the desire, hearing them, can easily have us back into sexy mode.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I feel sexy when I am at my most relaxed. It’s a strange one because I class it as “feeling nourished and content with the world”, when I am able to smile and my eyes sparkle, then I feel sexy, this is very rare for me of late however. "

Sorry to read this Devon - not because you're not feeling sexy but more because of the lack of content with the world. I hope the smiling more often returns with a vengeance for you soon.

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

Sexy is a state of mind. I chose to be and so I am

I also like having the choice to be unsexy as well, it's a very refreshing feeling to just wear what I want to wear without worrying about judgement from others x

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

As a single guy, fab definitely has a way of making you feel unsexy.

I am comfortable in my own skin, so it isn't too much of an issue for me.

As the song says, "I am what I am"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's possible to choose for other's to see you as sexy, as ultimately confidence is a big part of that. Confidence is something we can all fake with a bit of practice.

Feeling sexy within yourself is not something we can fake as the fight standing in front of the mirror going over your insecurites won't let you.

There's no right or wrong answer of what is sexy, It's in the eye of the beholder. All we can hope for is to feel good in our own skin and not be our own worst enemy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I work with someone who is very large and when I first met her she had no confidence whatsoever about herself and her body. She was not sexy. In the last year she’s grown to love herself, and her body, and now she’s sexy. Something about everything about her is changed. We have discussed it together and she feels sexy now. It doesn’t matter whether she’s wearing sexy close or normal close she is sexier because she gives off a different vibe.

She told me most of this and I have genuinely noticed it in her so maybe being sexy is about how you feel not about whether you are choosing to be sexy or not? I’m not sure I wonder whether anyone has a view on this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me being sexy is just working what you have. Big small literally anybody type it doesnt matter. If you have the charisma and confidence to go with it then thats sexy. Nothing more sexy than a confident woman. They drive me mad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's possible to choose for other's to see you as sexy, as ultimately confidence is a big part of that. Confidence is something we can all fake with a bit of practice.

Feeling sexy within yourself is not something we can fake as the fight standing in front of the mirror going over your insecurites won't let you.

There's no right or wrong answer of what is sexy, It's in the eye of the beholder. All we can hope for is to feel good in our own skin and not be our own worst enemy."

That was explained much better than the way I did it

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By *assie101Woman
over a year ago

Kent

It is definitely a state of mind. Only when I feel it do I become it.

I agree though that certain triggers help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/01/22 12:23:12]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's weird. If I'm being my burlesque alter ego it's a choice I make and I'm comfortable with. It's almost like I give myself permission and it's seen as less silly than it would be if I tried just as myself.

Fact is I don't ever see myself as sexy and when I try to be I fear I look stupid or people think I look stupid.

It's an insecurity thing.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Depends on what we call sexy isn't it?

If we go with the strict definition it's "sexually attractive or exciting" which to me suggests an external influence to it. Does it matter if you think you're sexy as fuck, if nobody else thinks you are?

I kind of think of feeling sexy as a positive feedback mechanism. Where say a lovely compliment is multiplied several fold within the loop. So to me it's a core feeling in an individual but external triggers can and so effect it.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"If I'm feeling a bit frumpy and someone I like says he wants to grab me and fuck me I suddenly feel sexy.

Yes, this can definitely happen. As much as I agree with my friend, certain people can make me feel sexy even if I look like death warmed up.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Definitely a mindset. Being the best that you can be. Looking the best you can be. Will make you feel sexy.

Then as you achieve your goals, like meeting the sex you're attracted to and them liking you, your confidence and self belief grows and that results in + sexy points.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I'm feeling a bit frumpy and someone I like says he wants to grab me and fuck me I suddenly feel sexy.

Yes, this can definitely happen. As much as I agree with my friend, certain people can make me feel sexy even if I look like death warmed up.

Phoebe (Friends) had a sexy gratey voice in between coughing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As a single guy, fab definitely has a way of making you feel unsexy.

I am comfortable in my own skin, so it isn't too much of an issue for me.

As the song says, "I am what I am""

Fab always knocks the sexy feeling out of me. The pics, the messages, all of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it's something I consciously feel very often.

Which isn't a complaint. Overall, I mostly feel okay about myself

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By *heArrowsCouple
over a year ago

I believe that sexy is very much a mindset, both in how we feel in ourselves and how we perceive others.

I feel like we all have seen people who might not be classically beautiful but who get our blood pumping because of a look they give or a comment they make.

I often mentioned on these forums how much fun it is to hang around with swingers in non sexual situations and part of that is the energy they bring to conversations. It's always charged with knowing glances, innuendo but mostly it's being with a room full of people who just enjoy sex and being listed after. (Lusted after by people they lust after themselves ... important correction)

Most people feed off other people's energies. Sexy energy can inspire sexy energy in you. Negative inspires Negative ect

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By *ysyphusMan
over a year ago

Starbase K-7

I think sexy something other people see in you. Thinking yourself sexy is more about ego.

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By *itzi999Woman
over a year ago

Slough

"Feeling/being sexy comes from within doesn’t it, an inner belief, so I would agree with her.

Someone can tell you that you’re sexy until they are blue in the face, but you have to know it yourself.

this

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE

I never feel sexy. I have days when I am more relaxed about myself, but sexy is a step too far.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I think it ultimately comes from within, but external factors can either boost or quell it to a certain extent. I don't think you can fake it like confidence though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes I think I look quite nice, but I never think I'm sexy.

I'm happy with how I look, I'm just not sexy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sometimes I think I look quite nice, but I never think I'm sexy.

I'm happy with how I look, I'm just not sexy. "

You bloody are

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I'm so sexy that people have to think I'm not sexy just so they don't get overwhelmed.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think you can choose to feel sexy I'm not sure you can choose to look it.

I also think that you can choose to not feel sexy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I go through peaks and troughs of feeling very 'sexed'(…horny in other words)..but I don't think I ever feel sexy

I Never look at myself and think "phrowarr!", Normally it's meh.. you'll do

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By *inAndTonic21Couple
over a year ago

Merseyside

Yes it’s part of a mindset if you feel sexy you hold yourself better and give eye contact etc so not just the visual

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

Sorry to read this Devon - not because you're not feeling sexy but more because of the lack of content with the world. I hope the smiling more often returns with a vengeance for you soon."

aww don’t worry about me Meli, I’ll be alright, it wasn’t a call for sympathy merely an honest reflection of how I am currently feeling, I have it within my own power to step back into the light, but just for now I’ll ramble through the shadows some more

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By *heodomusMan
over a year ago

Bristol

I think you must be fishing for compliments (and why not!)

Because you must know that - no bullshitting - your pictures are sexy as hell.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't tell myself I'm sexy, I have to feel it. There's different ways to feel it. Even a good bi-annual shave helps with time for a facial on glowing skin. Lingerie helps but it's not the be all and end all.

If I put lingerie on now then I'd feel like a strung up piece of pork. (And that isn't a fish for compliments, I've just stuffed my face with food!)

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"I can't tell myself I'm sexy, I have to feel it. There's different ways to feel it. Even a good bi-annual shave helps with time for a facial on glowing skin. Lingerie helps but it's not the be all and end all.

If I put lingerie on now then I'd feel like a strung up piece of pork. (And that isn't a fish for compliments, I've just stuffed my face with food!) "

Can I lick your crackling?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree that it’s in the mind. Even if faking it, you can still make it!

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I'm too sexy for my shirt,

Too sexy for my shirt,

So sexy it hurts......

(I bet you're all singing that now?)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Confidence is sexy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Confidence is sexy"

100% this.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

I think feeling sexy and being sexy are different

If you wanna feel sexy, great, go ahead

But if your unwashed with I’ll fitting cloths and making no effort in life, your not gonna be sexy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I put lingerie on now then I'd feel like a strung up piece of pork. (And that isn't a fish for compliments, I've just stuffed my face with food!)

Can I lick your crackling?

I don't share any food. Especially crackling.

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By *heodomusMan
over a year ago

Bristol

... If I'm being my burlesque alter ego ...

Where can we get tickets for the next performance?

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"It's possible to choose for other's to see you as sexy, as ultimately confidence is a big part of that. Confidence is something we can all fake with a bit of practice.

Feeling sexy within yourself is not something we can fake as the fight standing in front of the mirror going over your insecurites won't let you.

There's no right or wrong answer of what is sexy, It's in the eye of the beholder. All we can hope for is to feel good in our own skin and not be our own worst enemy."

I really like this. It wasn't so much about what is sexy because you're right - it's so subjective! For some it would be someone in a full latex get up, for others someone wearing thigh high socks and a vest top. But confidence is good for ourselves and for letting others see the real us.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I think feeling sexy and being sexy are different

If you wanna feel sexy, great, go ahead

But if your unwashed with I’ll fitting cloths and making no effort in life, your not gonna be sexy "

Damn it thicc, going to have to rethink my life choices now.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Sexy is a state of mind. I chose to be and so I am

I also like having the choice to be unsexy as well, it's a very refreshing feeling to just wear what I want to wear without worrying about judgement from others x"

Choosing to be unsexy sometimes is great too

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

"sexy. Quite a simple concept isn't it? A friend last night said they chose to be sexy and that shift in mindset helped them to be.

So, do you think that's possible? Do you find sexiness from within and/or is it from others? And final waffling question - what makes you feel sexy? "

I think 'Yes' you can find sexiness from within

It's all about confidence! How you present yourself, how you dress, speak, body posture & energy you give off

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By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"I'm too sexy for my shirt,

Too sexy for my shirt,

So sexy it hurts......

(I bet you're all singing that now?)

You stole my line

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I believe that sexy is very much a mindset, both in how we feel in ourselves and how we perceive others.

I feel like we all have seen people who might not be classically beautiful but who get our blood pumping because of a look they give or a comment they make.

Most people feed off other people's energies. Sexy energy can inspire sexy energy in you. Negative inspires Negative ect"

It's good to read you again Arrows. There's definitely something to be said for feeding off the positive sexy energy of others - I noticed it after a social I attended, my dear person was full of life and sexual energy after. Not because he was particularly turned on at the event but more being in that kind of environment. It had a positive effect on me as well. Sexy can be a definite mindset, I'm not advocating for it to be a permanent one by any means but in so far as one you dip in and out of? It's a good one to have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I rarely feel sexy - and, if I do, it is generally only during sex

I don't need to feel sexy to be sexually confident - I feel good enough to be thought of as sexy by others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me it's being in touch with my own sexual desires and honest with myself. I suppressed or hid that for most of my life. I don't do that anymore and I feel sexy at least some of the time. It's definitely an internal feeling. I don't feel sexier because people fab my photos or give me compliments. I feel sexier when I have the confidence to show my body here - taking the photos and posting them so others can see makes me feel sexy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can relate ^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me being sexy is just working what you have. Big small literally anybody type it doesnt matter. If you have the charisma and confidence to go with it then thats sexy. Nothing more sexy than a confident woman. They drive me mad. "

Seconded. Inner confidence is indeed sexy.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

It's a Meli thread!

It’s a funny thing, sexy. Sometimes I feel like I look good, dressed up or wearing my fave heels or whatever - but I don't know if I'd go with sexy as a description.

I've been told my sexual confidence is very attractive. Again, I don't think I feel sexy in those moments, but when I'm feeling very comfortable in my own skin then the sexual connections fire up.

Sometimes I'm feeling particularly horny - hello, ovulation - but I think of it as horniness rather than sexiness.

So I guess when I'm feeling happy in myself that can translate as sexiness in certain situations?

Mrs TMN x

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"It's weird. If I'm being my burlesque alter ego it's a choice I make and I'm comfortable with. It's almost like I give myself permission and it's seen as less silly than it would be if I tried just as myself.

Fact is I don't ever see myself as sexy and when I try to be I fear I look stupid or people think I look stupid.

It's an insecurity thing.

Alter egos make perfect sense - you're distancing yourself from you so you're less vulnerable and less likely to feel stupid. I've tried to stay away from complimenting others but I'll say - I highly doubt people will think you look stupid. That being said it's very much how you feel and nothing others say will change that.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"For me it's being in touch with my own sexual desires and honest with myself. I suppressed or hid that for most of my life. I don't do that anymore and I feel sexy at least some of the time. It's definitely an internal feeling. I don't feel sexier because people fab my photos or give me compliments. I feel sexier when I have the confidence to show my body here - taking the photos and posting them so others can see makes me feel sexy. "

Oh yes, this resonates!

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"It's a Meli thread!

It’s a funny thing, sexy. Sometimes I feel like I look good, dressed up or wearing my fave heels or whatever - but I don't know if I'd go with sexy as a description.

I've been told my sexual confidence is very attractive. Again, I don't think I feel sexy in those moments, but when I'm feeling very comfortable in my own skin then the sexual connections fire up.

Sometimes I'm feeling particularly horny - hello, ovulation - but I think of it as horniness rather than sexiness.

So I guess when I'm feeling happy in myself that can translate as sexiness in certain situations?

Mrs TMN x

Ha! You're a lovely cheerleader TMN.

Yes, feeling happy and comfortable in who we are can definitely translate as sexiness. The difficult part (if you want to feel that way) can be getting to that comfortable stage. Ovulation is a nightmare for horniness that doesn't quite translate to sexiness, I ban myself from messaging people who I fancy when I am ovulating.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

It's not something I give much thought to anymore but I used to analyse why I was invisible and wonder what others saw when looking at me if they could see me at all.

Years of trying to work it out to no avail and then suddenly 7 years ago I made a decision that was completely out of character for me and in doing so I realised I wasn't invisible at all.

As to what makes me feel sexy?

Knowing I am visible and comfortable being seen.

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