FabSwingers.com forum: Guys would you intervene if you see someone being harassed

By *agicM53X OP Man
over a year ago

Orpington

...and when I say harassed I don't mean physically assaulted or harassed, but verbally. Also let's say that person is a woman and the people doing the harassment are a group of men ( and they also make sexual remarks). Now this is a sensitive topic and I would appreciate people take it as such.

This morning I had a conversation with one of my female colleagues about how she was out last night and a group of guys started harassing her and her friend at a bus stop. She mentioned that it became so uncomfortable she started crying and shouting at them. It made me feel horrible for her

...however she also mentioned that there were other men there at the bus stop, but none of them stood up and said anything, and that men today are more cowardly.

Now I will tell you exactly what I said to her...As a man, and especially if someone I personally know is being harassed, I would immediately intervene, no questions asked, however if it's someone I do not know, and no physical contact was made by the two parties, I need to be extremely careful and asses the situation correctly and not risk creating a physical altercation by intervening, because men that have no problem harassing a woman in public, are more likely to respond with aggression towards any man that dares to intervene. Before any keyboard warrior comes in and mentions " a real man wouldn't be scared to stand up", let me make it clear, I have been practicing martial arts all my life, and fought in the cage multiple times...I am not afraid of any altercation, however I am terrified of the consequences of having a physical altercation in the streets.

I had two experiences where I was in such a position, where I intervened when a woman was harassed, and both times I was as respectful as possible to the other guy and just politely told him she is not comfortable and he should just let it go...both times I ended up in a fight, and one of the fights was so bad that the police came and both of us ended up on handcuffs, whilst that lady just ran away.

So I would like to know from the guys...if you would see a woman being harassed by a man or group of men, would you intervene? And are you aware of the potential consequences?

And ladies if you would be in that position of being harassed and other men would be there, would you expect them to intervene?

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I would hope that they did intervene, but I think that they would have be very careful how they did it, or just calling the police. That's something I never hesitate to do and have done numerous times in similar situations.

I do however, as the mother of a son, share your fear of retaliation. Because my boy has always been the one to get in the middle of things to try and diffuse situations. I think if he was ever going to get hurt, that would be the reason why.

It's a really hard call!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are just too many hyptheticals in that for me to say what my expectations would be.

But I'd like to think that there are enough good people that if it were to happen they'd say something to at least try and diffuse the situation

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I would do and I have.

I even ended up with with a 'Fab holiday', but it was worth it.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

Stepped in to stop a woman being slapped about by her husband, both d*unk and she absolutely launched at me verbally and threatened to chib me..

Let them get on with it, that was 84..

Not sure now what I would do, given the rise in knife use..

Would certainly call the police if I didn't physically get involved..

Tricky one..

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

I’d hope that someone would intervene, especially if was alone and not with a friend.

I can see the flip-side as well, the threat of and follow through of anyone who intervened being attacked for doing so.

I was at the beach once stood at the ice cream van, two men came up and one was winding the other up.

Anyway he made his friend jump and started laughing, I quietly laughed to myself and he asked me in a very aggressive manner what I was laughing at.

They both walked away and the guy in the van asked if I was ok.

I can see his reason for waiting until they had walked off - he seemed a hothead and who knows what would have ensued.

I still felt really uncomfortable though

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Always happy to intervene I don't fear much might not be that tall but I'm pretty well known so always go the polite way first manners and respect then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would intervene in respect of approaching her, chatting to her calmly and offering reassurence. I would offer to walk her somewhere safe but would do my best not to engage with the people causing the issue for fear of making things worse. There are too many idiots on the streets these days....however, I would be prepared to defend that person and/or myself should it be necessary. I could not walk by

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

I don't have the linguistic gymnastics to diffuse even minor arguments. Getting involved in other peoples business is a bit of a no no for me.

If they were actively shouting for help, it might be a different matter.

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

"I would intervene in respect of approaching her, chatting to her calmly and offering reassurence. I would offer to walk her somewhere safe but would do my best not to engage with the people causing the issue for fear of making things worse. There are too many idiots on the streets these days....however, I would be prepared to defend that person and/or myself should it be necessary. I could not walk by

That’s a good approach

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By *rad670Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

I'm quite short and old but confident, I have been in this situation and took a few moments of weighing up the pros and cons before saying something although making threats is not going to difuse the situation. I couldn't see a woman so scared and do nothing even if there was risk to myself. That said I think there is a big risk trying to diffuse a couple or group of men in drink or otherwise as you then become their target. I can see why some guys might be scared to step in to be honest but would feel the need to do something myself.

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

I would and I have in the past.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really hard call OP

I've been in situations like this myself where I've been harassed and I don't mean just a bit of name calling or flirting , I'm talking really intimidating situations.

Thankfully the times I have been involved in these men have come to my rescue when my husbands not been around. By rescue I just mean letting me stand with them, pretend they are my friend and put an arm around me to show the other guy I'm with someone.

I wouldn't ever want a man to have to get in a physical fight for me, ever, I've seen the consequences of this happening.

I've always been so appreciative of guys who have looked after me, they don't need to but they always step up at the moment and have put themselves at risk to ensure my safety.

I have to say for every wanker out there, you good guys far out weigh them.

It's a scary world for a woman on her own unfortunately but in general I've found guys to be gents thankfully so thanks guys I really appreciate you wonderful lot xxxx

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By *anchester_gentMan
over a year ago

Manchester/ Cheshire border

I have done more than once. Man harassing another man and a man harassing his “partner”.

Never even thought about the risk properly, although the guy harassing his partner was in an airport after a flight, so loads of people around.

A week later they were both on the same flight as me on way home….. all lived up again. Both of them looked daggers at me when they saw me!

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By *ickshawedCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

My husband does intervene and it scares the hell out of me.

The nearest I've had was on a bus and teenagers at the back started being rude and shooting spitballs at passengers. I turned round and told them to stop. I shouted at them. No-one else said a word. I went and told the driver and got them kicked off. Still no-one said anything to me even though I moved to the front of the bus. I had a bright red face and my heart was beating really fast. I told them to grow up as they got off. Only the driver spoke to me and I think he just asked if I wanted to call the police. It wasn't overly threatening but it wasn't nice. But I honestly don't know what I would have done if I was a spectator. I think I'd be too scared to say anything but wanting to say something. I guess you never know until it happens

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Yes I would hope someone would intervene. Whether that's calling the police and hanging back to make sure I was OK or something else.

I know people can be incredibly unpredictable and I wouldn't expect someone to put themselves in danger.

I am, however, the kind of twat who puts myself in danger for others, and God help any blokes who are picking on women when I'm passing.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

That is a tough situation for anyone be in. You're quite right in saying that those kind of guys when there's a few of them will not care about starting on a man. It could get ugly pretty quickly.

I was on a bus recently when the driver refused to move and set the alarm off as he was being harassed, big time by some guys.

Anyone who tried to say anything was immediately also harassed, only we didn't have a protective screen.

In answer to your question...I would understand the difficulties in a man stepping in to aid me. Especially...if going up against a group of guys.

If the abuse turned physical I'd hope someone would step in.

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By *erfectman122Man
over a year ago

from somewhere nice

Yes I would have done it once

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

"Yes I would hope someone would intervene. Whether that's calling the police and hanging back to make sure I was OK or something else.

I know people can be incredibly unpredictable and I wouldn't expect someone to put themselves in danger.

I am, however, the kind of twat who puts myself in danger for others, and God help any blokes who are picking on women when I'm passing. "

I can’t stand by and not do anything. A little different but I once saw a girl absolutely giving another teenage girl hell, threatening her, swearing at her, calling her all the names under the sun - all very loudly, no doubt to look good in front of her friends.

She was sobbing. I went over to check she was ok. I knew the fear she felt and just wanted to let her know I’d been there and the other girl was an idiot. Just wanted to give her a huge hug x

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I have intervened in a work situation where a female staff member was being verbally abused by someone in my dept.

I disciplined him and the next day he decided to retaliate by verbally abusing me instead.

When I told him he was on dodgy ground he responded by headbutting me and immediately played the mental health card to avoid dismissal.

Many years ago I intervened when an ex girlfriend was being verbally abused by a complete stranger in a pub. His response when challenged was to punch her so hard he knocked her out cold and I was one of 3 people barred for life from the pub for taking him down despite never having tasted alcohol in my life.

As I've gotten older I'm more reluctant to get involved where strangers are concerned because I've seen so many ending up on the receiving end of abuse from the women they have stepped in to help.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Yes I would hope someone would intervene. Whether that's calling the police and hanging back to make sure I was OK or something else.

I know people can be incredibly unpredictable and I wouldn't expect someone to put themselves in danger.

I am, however, the kind of twat who puts myself in danger for others, and God help any blokes who are picking on women when I'm passing.

She was sobbing. I went over to check she was ok. I knew the fear she felt and just wanted to let her know I’d been there and the other girl was an idiot. Just wanted to give her a huge hug x"

I live by the "if that was my child, what would I hope someone else would do?"

Everyone is someone's child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I would, though I would be far more wary than I once was.

Years ago I witnessed a girl being hit by a guy, I got out of my car, jumped over the railings and went over. As I came towards them the guy walked away saying he didn't want trouble so I crouched down beside the girl to check she was OK. I have a vague memory of my coat being grabbed from behind. I later found out from a witness in court that this was the friend of the guy who was hitting his girlfriend. The two of them then took turns stamping on my face and kicking my head into the railings. The woman who was being punched stood and watched then walked off with them - there was an open police station about 50 meters away. The witness was the one who went in and alerted the police who took about 10 mins to respond. Luckily she came back out and knew enough first aid to get me in the recovery position so the blood could spray (her words) out of my mouth before it drowned me.

I ended up needing two operations,a permanently deformed lower eyelid meaning I hate facial photos and plates for my orbital socket and jaw.

My father once went to help girl being punched and she started verbally and physically attacking him, culminating in smacking him around the face with her hand bag.

Despite these instances yes, I would always intervene though as above I would be more circumspect than when I was younger.

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By *osta del sol KinkytimesMan
over a year ago

Campanillas, Spain

Always, and have done recently when a knob head was abusing a young female assistant in the Post Office.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have done on several occasions. Mostly it's been one man on a woman, but a couple of times it was a small group of men being really verbally aggressive against a couple of women who have ignored their abusive advances.

It doesn't always work out how you think. One time I physically got between a couple when he started pushing her, only for her to have a go at me. I left that loving couple to it!

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

I would & have. I also reported to the Police as I felt so sickened by it. I would have done more had I not had the kids int he car with me

J x

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

"Yes I would hope someone would intervene. Whether that's calling the police and hanging back to make sure I was OK or something else.

I know people can be incredibly unpredictable and I wouldn't expect someone to put themselves in danger.

I am, however, the kind of twat who puts myself in danger for others, and God help any blokes who are picking on women when I'm passing.

She was sobbing. I went over to check she was ok. I knew the fear she felt and just wanted to let her know I’d been there and the other girl was an idiot. Just wanted to give her a huge hug x

I live by the "if that was my child, what would I hope someone else would do?"

Everyone is someone's child."

I’m exactly the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s a good approach

A guy who is originaly from London (where the incidenttook place) who works in our accounts department took that exact tactic you described.

Unfortunately that approach seem to really enrage the group of young men (the fact they were been ignored?) and he was grabbed and held whilst they carved a gash from just under his left eye down to his cheek bone following a S motion.

It's been ten years, numerous operations and counselling but he has finally reached a place where he has learned to live with what happened to him and move forward in his life.

Food for thought.

In my younger days I thought nothing of jumping into these situations to try and help but my experiences and those of others like they guy mentioned above make me think first and act far more cautiously.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

I wouldn’t

Earlier this year I was told to cross the road to avoid them. I’ll continue to do this to strangers

I’m not risking my safety for strangers. Male or female

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By *inkyInkedBiWoman
over a year ago

That’s a good approach

A guy who is originaly from London (where the incidenttook place) who works in our accounts department took that exact tactic you described.

It's been ten years, numerous operations and counselling but he has finally reached a place where he has learned to live with what happened to him and move forward in his life.

Food for thought.

KJ"

Jesus Christ

seems no approach seems a good idea when there’s some out there just looking for an excuse to fight/attack. That poor man

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

I would and have intervined throughout my years I wade in without thinking tbh and think later that could have got nasty! Thankfully it didnt apart from verbal abuse towards me x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reading some of these stories - Christ. I would not want anyone to be hurt because of me and I know that a male who intervened would be more likely to be attacked. I'd hope anyone witnessing an attack would call for help and not stand by.

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By *ookie_and_NookieCouple
over a year ago

Kent

So many people are now concerned about repercussions that people just don’t intervene. As a 9 stone nothing, 5 foot 5 woman I once stopped a taxi driver from taking a beating from two d*unk men. High street was full of other people, including all the staff of men from a take away who came out to stare but said and did nothing. Not only did I stand toe to toe with one of the morons but I also called the police, gave a statement and was helpful in making sure the dickheads were charged. The taxi driver and his family passed their thanks to me via the police because he genuinely didn’t think he’d have made it home that night if someone hadn’t stepped in to challenge those two men. Now, if I hadn’t had a couple of drinks in me then maybe I wouldn’t have gone marching over shouting at them to stop but as someone who has been assaulted (more than once) in situations where someone could have helped but no one ever did, I can’t walk on by. I’ve gone running out the house in the pitch black to check on someone before because I heard a woman screaming coming out of the alleyway near ours. I didn’t even think about me, I was thinking about some girl not making it home and her family worrying all night and the news the next day and how I’d feel knowing I could have done something but didn’t. That’s someone’s sibling, someone’s friend, someone’s child. I’d hope if someone I loved was in that situation and I wasn’t there, a stranger would help them.

Of course the other side of this is that if more people called men out on their bullshit during conversations then maybe they’d be less inclined to ever step it up a notch and become harassing in the first place. How many men discuss conquests and speak about women in a degrading way and are never pulled up on it by their mates??

C x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have done on several occasions. Mostly it's been one man on a woman, but a couple of times it was a small group of men being really verbally aggressive against a couple of women who have ignored their abusive advances.

It doesn't always work out how you think.

*** One time I physically got between a couple when he started pushing her, only for her to have a go at me. I left that loving couple to it!

*** She may have done that so she didn't get a worse kicking when he got her home.

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By *agicM53X OP Man
over a year ago

Orpington

"Reading some of these stories - Christ. I would not want anyone to be hurt because of me and I know that a male who intervened would be more likely to be attacked. I'd hope anyone witnessing an attack would call for help and not stand by. "

But how fast do you think the police would arrive there...and how fast is a physical attack. It's just a gamble at that point and Hope nothing happens until the police arrives. Screaming at them you are calling the police or you just called the police is also a gamble, some would coward and go away, others would attack you...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd like to think they'd intervene but would understand if they were reluctant to do so.

I think guys are kinda damned if they do and damned if they don't in some situations.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

No-one intervened when our son was assaulted on a bus just over a year ago. Other people chose to move seats and sat by as our son was kicked, punched and stamped in the head. The bus driver did not stop or intervene. When the police finally took it seriously (because they didn't at first), the bus company handed over CCTV but told their driver not to give evidence. The company did not cooperate. No-one came forward as a witness.

Getting it to court and securing a measly conviction of the perpetrator took all our son's mental strength and effort, all during the COVID lockdowns. The court hearing was 4 days his Great Grandad died. Only CCTV footage (masks worn) and no bystander or driver input meant some allegations could not be proven.

I was very disappointed that no-one stopped to help my son. He had a broken cheekbone, broken nose, broken eye socket and defensive injuries to his arm. Even A&E didn't want to know FFS.

I used to be quick to step in to all sorts of situations, probably without thinking it through. I am a bit more cautious nowadays with being a wheelchair user but if I saw a person stamping on another person's head on the bus, I couldn't sit by and watch. That I do know.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I think many think they'd intervene or would like to. But when faced with vicious thugs the reality can be very different.

I have both intervened

and also not.

Not intervening made me feel pretty crappy and I kind of beat myself up about it. The men there did nothing..the women neither for that matter and it didn't become physical...fortunately!

Another occasion I did take on a guy who was out of order making rascist remarks to a woman....you just never know where it can lead to.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Back in the mid 90s I was in Manchester’s Gay Village dressed and with a girlfriend (female). It was the end of the night and we were walking back to her car.

I saw another Tgirl walking down an alleyway with a guy, but something about the way he seemed to be holding her arm just looked off. I shouted down at her to say goodnight or something similar and she immediately pulled away from his arm and started to run / fast walk towards me.

I saw the look on her face and she looked really scared. Anyway the guy started walking towards us, as I was taking the Tgirl to the car. I then asked my girlfriend for the steering wheel lock, big heavy thing. I’m an ex squaddie even in a dress I fancied my chances

I headed towards him as they got in the car and he backed off, so did I. The Tgirl said the guy just grabbed her arm and in terror (she was very slight and he was a big guy)she just went with him. My shout had convinced her to get away.

In female mode I tend to change I can be a bit braver and not as shy. It takes a bit of courage to walk out dressed as a woman, so any shit I find I’m in, I’ll generally face up to it.

However as a guy I’d have walked by and not intervened. Also as a guy I don’t think I would have realised she was in danger. So in some way when I’m dressed I’m more aware of the risks and able to recognise when something looks or feels off.

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By *orruptionandliesMan
over a year ago

leeds

Always and have before, unfortunately resulting in being levelled and then abused by the female for intervening. Too many walk past

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It doesn't always work out how you think.

*** One time I physically got between a couple when he started pushing her, only for her to have a go at me. I left that loving couple to it!

*** She may have done that so she didn't get a worse kicking when he got her home. "

Yep, violence is all about men. Even when a woman is violent to a man it's a man's fault somewhere along the line

And we wonder why it is that although women are twice a likely to report domestic abuse, men are twice as likely not to report when it happens - because inevitably someone will find a way to blame them.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"No-one intervened when our son was assaulted on a bus just over a year ago. Other people chose to move seats and sat by as our son was kicked, punched and stamped in the head. The bus driver did not stop or intervene. When the police finally took it seriously (because they didn't at first), the bus company handed over CCTV but told their driver not to give evidence. The company did not cooperate. No-one came forward as a witness.

I was very disappointed that no-one stopped to help my son. He had a broken cheekbone, broken nose, broken eye socket and defensive injuries to his arm. Even A&E didn't want to know FFS.

OMG I'm so sorry to see of that happening to your son.. what a truly awful thing to happen!

You'd think on a bus a few passengers would get together to stop it..but no one wants to make the first move...they are scared and should be but still...it's really sad times when this can happen to anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

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By *agicM53X OP Man
over a year ago

Orpington

"So many people are now concerned about repercussions that people just don’t intervene. As a 9 stone nothing, 5 foot 5 woman I once stopped a taxi driver from taking a beating from two d*unk men. High street was full of other people, including all the staff of men from a take away who came out to stare but said and did nothing. Not only did I stand toe to toe with one of the morons but I also called the police, gave a statement and was helpful in making sure the dickheads were charged. The taxi driver and his family passed their thanks to me via the police because he genuinely didn’t think he’d have made it home that night if someone hadn’t stepped in to challenge those two men. Now, if I hadn’t had a couple of drinks in me then maybe I wouldn’t have gone marching over shouting at them to stop but as someone who has been assaulted (more than once) in situations where someone could have helped but no one ever did, I can’t walk on by. I’ve gone running out the house in the pitch black to check on someone before because I heard a woman screaming coming out of the alleyway near ours. I didn’t even think about me, I was thinking about some girl not making it home and her family worrying all night and the news the next day and how I’d feel knowing I could have done something but didn’t. That’s someone’s sibling, someone’s friend, someone’s child. I’d hope if someone I loved was in that situation and I wasn’t there, a stranger would help them.

C x"

....OK a few things here, the question was about a circumstance where the physical altercation has not happened yet, because that is the whole different scenario, second...a woman is less likely to be assault physically by men in public, third thing...let's say a physical altercation does happen and you hit one of them or just push them ( even in self defence ) and the d*unk full falls and hits his head on the pavement and is in a coma now or even worse dies, you think that has no consequences on your future?

Also men that have respect towards women are not friends with men that have no respect towards women...

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

Women can be just as brutal as men towards each other. Gangs of girls can be juat as bad!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know. I wouldn't intervene myself in a fight because my kids need their mother. I think before I had kids I was far more prepared to wade in. I would intervene if men were hassling a woman because I think it's possible to do that without taking things up a notch "hi, so long since I've seen you! Let's talk and walk" etc. I'd try that.

I think filming what's happening may attract an attack but it might also distract those being violent. Same as saying you're calling the police. Each situation is different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to think they'd intervene but would understand if they were reluctant to do so.

I think guys are kinda damned if they do and damned if they don't in some situations."

Yes. Very much this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mind you, I am originally from Glasgow. It’s a city of interveners

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And lovers of the underdog.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I couldn't just stand there while a person is in obvious need of help, I'd have to intervene, but totally understand why some wouldn't. It's so dangerous out there and it's getting worse. Highly probable you will end up with a screwdriver stuck in you by the end of the altercation.

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By *agicM53X OP Man
over a year ago

Orpington

"Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone. "

Wow....so if your partner intervened and wad attacked because of that, ended up in the hospital or worse you'd be OK with that? Because that's a possibility

I'm actually a bit disgusted with what you just said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone.

Wow....so if your partner intervened and wad attacked because of that, ended up in the hospital or worse you'd be OK with that? Because that's a possibility

I'm actually a bit disgusted with what you just said"

I actually don’t care that you’re disgusted by what I said. I’m more disgusted by the cowards who stood there and did fuck all, not even call the police.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone. "

I really disagree with this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone.

I really disagree with this."

Most will disagree with me. And that’s fine.

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

"And lovers of the underdog."

There is just something that I love about Glasgow. I can't put my finger on it as there are so many facets to it.

The people are warm and friendly, even when 2 certain teams are playing one another.

But most of all I just like wander around the streets and soaking the city in.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I wouldn't ever expect a man to intervene if it was just verbal abuse. Hell, I'd actually hope that nobody was feeling chivalrous that day...I grew up in a rough area and have seen too many times how these things can pan out.

Saying that, I'd always try not to give any outward indication that I was intimidated anyway, so passers by probably wouldn't think I needed any assistance.

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

"Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone.

I really disagree with this.

Most will disagree with me. And that’s fine."

There is absolutely no excuse for it. Too many people just look away nowadays and don't help others.

Your attitude towards it might come from your native city, where they certaiy don't stand for bull shit or agression towards others, especially women. Glasgow has an undeserved reputation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As someone pointed out, intervene in a sensible way. Talk to the woman and try to bring them to safety. Call the police before you do that so they are already on the way. It also depends a lot on number of normal people around you. Remember that most of the public do not intervene because they don't want to be the "only" intervener. If one person starts to intervene, rest will follow. On the other hand, if there is no one else and it's just you against a gang, there is literally no point starting a fight.

The guys who harass women are mentally deranged. You never know what to expect from them. They actually expect someone to instigate a fight so that they can indulge in physical violence. Starting a fight will end up bad for both the guy and the women.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

I'm female and I've stood up for males and females when they have been verbally and physically assaulted.

Maybe being female people don't expect it and generally stop.

I have been hit in the cross fire but I'd do it again.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

"Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone.

Wow....so if your partner intervened and wad attacked because of that, ended up in the hospital or worse you'd be OK with that? Because that's a possibility

I'm actually a bit disgusted with what you just said"

Coming from the privileged position of the female that is very rarely on the receiving end of the physical violence

How easy it is to stand in the safety of your privilege and say others are disgusting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone.

Wow....so if your partner intervened and wad attacked because of that, ended up in the hospital or worse you'd be OK with that? Because that's a possibility

I'm actually a bit disgusted with what you just said

Coming from the privileged position of the female that is very rarely on the receiving end of the physical violence

How easy it is to stand in the safety of your privilege and say others are disgusting "

Dieu didn't use the word disgusting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I inserted myself between a guy shorter than me who was being confronted by a flipping 6 foot something solid biker complete with full leathers on a pavement next to a busy road in the middle of the day

I just didn't think... I told the biker he'd have to go through me at which point he pushed me backwards forceably, but I held my ground and squared up to him... After giving it some verbal he eventually walked off back to his motor bike.

I couldn't stop my body shaking afterwards...it was crazy.

Nobody stopped to help - pedestrians even crossed the road to avoid us

I offered to walk the guy to his house in case the biker and his mates came back

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

"Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone.

Wow....so if your partner intervened and wad attacked because of that, ended up in the hospital or worse you'd be OK with that? Because that's a possibility

I'm actually a bit disgusted with what you just said

I actually don’t care that you’re disgusted by what I said. I’m more disgusted by the cowards who stood there and did fuck all, not even call the police."

No?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone.

Wow....so if your partner intervened and wad attacked because of that, ended up in the hospital or worse you'd be OK with that? Because that's a possibility

I'm actually a bit disgusted with what you just said

Coming from the privileged position of the female that is very rarely on the receiving end of the physical violence

How easy it is to stand in the safety of your privilege and say others are disgusting "

Females rarely on the receiving end of physical violence?

Are you having a laugh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone.

Wow....so if your partner intervened and wad attacked because of that, ended up in the hospital or worse you'd be OK with that? Because that's a possibility

I'm actually a bit disgusted with what you just said

I actually don’t care that you’re disgusted by what I said. I’m more disgusted by the cowards who stood there and did fuck all, not even call the police.

No?"

Fair

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

"Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone.

Wow....so if your partner intervened and wad attacked because of that, ended up in the hospital or worse you'd be OK with that? Because that's a possibility

I'm actually a bit disgusted with what you just said

Coming from the privileged position of the female that is very rarely on the receiving end of the physical violence

How easy it is to stand in the safety of your privilege and say others are disgusting

Females rarely on the receiving end of physical violence?

Are you having a laugh?"

I think anyone with a brain, and even posters on this thread can agree. A guy is much more likely to face physical violence for stepping in then a female. That’s why it’s so easy for you to judge

Typical toxic femininity

“You must endanger your life for a stranger or you aren’t a man”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone.

Wow....so if your partner intervened and wad attacked because of that, ended up in the hospital or worse you'd be OK with that? Because that's a possibility

I'm actually a bit disgusted with what you just said

Coming from the privileged position of the female that is very rarely on the receiving end of the physical violence

How easy it is to stand in the safety of your privilege and say others are disgusting

Females rarely on the receiving end of physical violence?

Are you having a laugh?"

When it comes to street violence - yes, women are unlikely to be attacked or hurt. This was the context. My gut wants to urge anyone to intervene and not stand by - but the stories here of those who did intervene turn my stomach.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

I’m actually pleasantly surprised how many women on here have seen this from a guys perspective. That feeling that you should step in, but at the same time worrying you’ll get your head stamped on for damaging the guys fragile ego.

It’s refreshing to see those thoughts we have echoed by women, and a general understanding of the moral conundrum you can find yourself in

Shame not everyone sees it that way, but obviously progress is being made

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I’m actually pleasantly surprised how many women on here have seen this from a guys perspective. That feeling that you should step in, but at the same time worrying you’ll get your head stamped on for damaging the guys fragile ego.

It’s refreshing to see those thoughts we have echoed by women, and a general understanding of the moral conundrum you can find yourself in

Shame not everyone sees it that way, but obviously progress is being made "

Stepping in doesn't mean you have to "STEP IN"

Calling the old bill counts. Doing something, anything other than turning a blind eye counts.

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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds

Expectation gets you nowhere in life, except when you expect nothing. Like many others have said, I would hope that someone would help me - but I have brothers and I have seen first hand how quickly fights are started. My step Dad broke his neck in one and has never been the same since. I find myself less frightened for me and more for single guys walking about alone cos they are far more likely to be started on than women.

This sounds horrible but catcalling is definitely the lesser of the evils and I'll take feeling uncomfortable over someone getting hurt.

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By *agicM53X OP Man
over a year ago

Orpington

"Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone.

Wow....so if your partner intervened and wad attacked because of that, ended up in the hospital or worse you'd be OK with that? Because that's a possibility

I'm actually a bit disgusted with what you just said

Coming from the privileged position of the female that is very rarely on the receiving end of the physical violence

How easy it is to stand in the safety of your privilege and say others are disgusting "

To be fair it's not the first time she shames men or calls them "not real men" just because they don't act or behave the way she wants...she also has stated numerous times in other threads how she is a strong independent woman and doesn't need a man, yet under these circumstances she expects men to jump in harms way to protect women, a bit hypocritical...anyways I'm sure she doesn't care about what I have to say , and that's cool ...but she seems slightly closed minded and I prefer not to interact to people like that, so will just ignore her from now on (and I'm sure she won't mind or care). All the best to her

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

I have different take on this. A few months agoy daughter was out with friends. She had quite a bit to drink but lost a few hours, I'm certain she was spiked. Her friends let me know about it and when I found her she was quite agressive then stormed off. She stormed off and when I caught up with her she was going to walk straight across a busy road. I had to pull her off the road and restrain her against a fence until her friends caught up.

In the meantime a car with 2 young lads stopped to make sure she was okay. Then when here friends caught up and we were holding her down as she was adamant she was going where she wanted another young lad crossed the road to see what was happening and to make sure she was okay.

There are good people out there, just not enough.

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By *ommeLadyWoman
over a year ago

yeovil

As a woman, it would be nice to think of a stranger stepping in to help.

However, it certainly isn't that black and white! I wouldn't want to see violence erupt and for that stranger to have his life threatened, or worse, taken. There are some pretty dangerous parts of the country/world and I can certainly understand why strangers to a situation may not want to intervene.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't expect anybody to intervene just because I am a woman. I can look after myself but I would appreciate if they somehow diffused the situation, but the situation would have to be quickly analysed so it didn't turn into something 'more'.

I understand why some men wouldn't intervene in fear of retaliation.

I've got a sharp tongue and the confidence to comment back. I've had to a few times, mostly with misogynistic men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do it on here…

.. keyboard warrior tho

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

I can't stand back and do nothing if I see someone being abusive or showing signs of violence. Even if it's teenagers being cheeky I have to say something. I stood in the middle of fights and defused them. Even if I couldn't stop the fight myself I've shouted for people to help and it's stopped. Seeing people fight makes me feel sick and I can't watch it or walk away from it and seeing people get picked on I can't hold my tongue either. Just today a guy was shouting at a shop keeper for not taking 100 pound note and I had to say something. I think being a female gets me away with it and I'm lucky it's never turned sour but I'll step in every time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s ok Mekell, since to my memory we had never interacted in the first place.

Thanks for the public announcement though. God forbid you should slink off and ignore me quietly

Look folks, I am not saying that I am in the right. I do not blame others for thinking I am in the wrong. I understand your reservations over intervening in these situations. It is a difficult one.

However it cannot help how I feel on this, nor the strength of my feelings.

It is simply not right to ignore someone in need. I recently stood up for a teenage boy who was being hassled by other teens on the bus! I just feel sick for people in dire straits, and empathise with how panicked they must feel at that moment.

Make of that what you will. But I do suspect there’s some defensive projection going on in this thread.

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

There are some guys in here doing the virtual equivalent of physically attacking a woman because of her view on something and daring to have an opinion.

This happened live on TV yesterday with Jess Phillips. It wasn't acceptable in the 60's, it wasn't acceptable in the 80's, it wasn't acceptable yesterday and it certainly isn't acceptable this evening.

Keyboard warriors eh! Machi as fuck, not.

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

I would deffinately intervene

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

Personally I don’t feel that “I can’t help how I feel” is a good reason to just keep on with the toxic femininity

But that’s how things go with the older crowds. You can’t change someone’s mindset when they’ve lived that way for so long. My grandparents had crazy views on race and gender, they had really strong feelings too. Doesn’t mean it’s right and it doesn’t mean you can change them either

Hopefully the younger generations can grow, learn and do better so these toxic mindsets can be changed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are some guys in here doing the virtual equivalent of physically attacking a woman because of her view on something and daring to have an opinion.

Keyboard warriors eh! Machi as fuck, not. "

Hang on. Both Dieu and the guys have quite assertively stated their opinions. Don't turn it into men against women.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Thinking about what I said in my last post a lot of my decisions in recent years have been driven by tiredness.

Not physical tiredness as such but just tired of always being the rock, always being the one compromising, always the one standing up for others, always the one intervening and putting himself in harm's way.

I'm tired of doing all that and when I see threads on here talking about support and helping others I tend to avoid them completely now because I want no part of them.

I didn't join this site to become part of a support group. I've done all the voluntary work and charity stuff since I was 16 so I've done my part.

I've got 3 daughters and yes I'd put myself in harm's way for them but for strangers? Not any more.

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

"There are some guys in here doing the virtual equivalent of physically attacking a woman because of her view on something and daring to have an opinion.

Keyboard warriors eh! Machi as fuck, not.

Hang on. Both Dieu and the guys have quite assertively stated their opinions. Don't turn it into men against women. "

I wasn't trying to turn it men against women, I was trying to point out it was the virtual equivalent of the OP's question and relate it to some of the responses that have been posted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For the record.

I’d of intervened, I’m 100% positive.

Calmly and with authority.

If they turned on me then I’d do everything possible to avoid physical confrontation.

Then busted all of their onions.

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By *wales_hotwifeCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff ish / PDI early Nov

Mrs here- I intervened on a night out when a young girl was being harassed when her partner went to the toilet (he was gone quite a while) The man kept trying to sit on her partners stool and was being a bit of a letch and not taking no! So I pretended to know her and sit on the stool until he got the message and left. The girl was very grateful and said that was something her mam would have done. She then spent the rest of the night calling me her mum!!! So beware

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. Sorry, but I have children to provide for. It doesn’t matter how you intervene, if you are outnumbered, your interference will be seen as a challenge and you will get your head stood on.

Even as a group that outnumbers them, it still isn’t a good idea to get involved, in case it goes pear shaped and one of them gets badly hurt and then one or more of your group could end up facing prison.

It’s horrible that situations like that happen, but the best solution for female safety is more police on the streets.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Slightly different but when I was on a tube train this summer in London, I saw a teenage girl being physically pushed around by three teenage bully girls who she didn’t know.

All this was happening while the good people of London sat and pretended not to see what was going on.

Not only did I call the three scumbags out and made sure the victim got off safely but I called everyone out on the tube who had pretended they hadn’t seen anything.

I could only think of my teenage daughter and how she would of felt had she been on the receiving end of that. I would hope that someone would have stepped in to help her.

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

"There are some guys in here doing the virtual equivalent of physically attacking a woman because of her view on something and daring to have an opinion.

Keyboard warriors eh! Machi as fuck, not.

Hang on. Both Dieu and the guys have quite assertively stated their opinions. Don't turn it into men against women. "

With hindsight my last 2 sentences were unfair.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are some guys in here doing the virtual equivalent of physically attacking a woman because of her view on something and daring to have an opinion.

Keyboard warriors eh! Machi as fuck, not.

Hang on. Both Dieu and the guys have quite assertively stated their opinions. Don't turn it into men against women.

I wasn't trying to turn it men against women, I was trying to point out it was the virtual equivalent of the OP's question and relate it to some of the responses that have been posted. "

But that's just not accurate. Calling it the equivalent of attacking a woman. That's not happened.

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By *agicM53X OP Man
over a year ago

Orpington

"There are some guys in here doing the virtual equivalent of physically attacking a woman because of her view on something and daring to have an opinion.

Keyboard warriors eh! Machi as fuck, not.

Hang on. Both Dieu and the guys have quite assertively stated their opinions. Don't turn it into men against women.

I wasn't trying to turn it men against women, I was trying to point out it was the virtual equivalent of the OP's question and relate it to some of the responses that have been posted. "

But it really isn't...my question relates to harassment, the comments exchange on the forum are a disagreement in opinion...and as you can see both parties have stated their opinion and than moved one....why are you trying to stir up s*it now

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

*white knight has entered chat*

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Sadly intervening is likely to end up with getting stabbed, beat or in trouble with the police.

I have no idea how I’d respond to be honest, and I would have to say it would depend on the day. I’m no hero knowing how I’d likely fare against a group, and have a desire to live a bit longer with fewer hospital stays, but I also won’t stand for bullies.

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By *urio77Man
over a year ago

northampton

"Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone.

Have you not read the comments posted on here from others?.some of the stories are truly shocking and have left good honest people disfigured and experiencing mental health problems as a result of intervention. I’ve experienced the good bad and ugly regarding these situations. Thankfully most of them have resulted in me being able to work away unscathed because I seem to possess the gift of the gab.

Wow....so if your partner intervened and wad attacked because of that, ended up in the hospital or worse you'd be OK with that? Because that's a possibility

I'm actually a bit disgusted with what you just said

I actually don’t care that you’re disgusted by what I said. I’m more disgusted by the cowards who stood there and did fuck all, not even call the police."

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

A very sobering thread for a Friday night.

I've certainly intervened in the past, not necessarily physically or even verbally, often by using distraction techniques and diffusing the situation in other ways.

It's certainly not a done deal and depends entirely on the situation. I would at least be ready with my camera and have no hesitation in calling the police.

I wouldn't expect or want anyone to get into a fight for me, though I'd appreciate buying me a little time or an opportunity to get out of the situation.

I've walked up to complete strangers before and pretended they were friends when a situation was uncomfortable and always found allies.

I was at an open air concert once where a guy was being passively aggressive towards me and my partner at the time confronted him, only to be attacked. This mammoth guy had him by the throat and I saw his face go blue and seriously thought this man was going to kill him. I put my fingers in this meathead's nostrils and inside his lip and pulled his head back to knock him off balance so he'd loosen his grip. It was only when he was on the ground that other guys in the crowd joined in and pinned him to the floor so he couldn't get up til security arrived. I remember being shocked that no-one helped and yet I also understand why.

It's a very tough call.

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By *ig1gaz1Man
over a year ago

bradford

"...and when I say harassed I don't mean physically assaulted or harassed, but verbally. Also let's say that person is a woman and the people doing the harassment are a group of men ( and they also make sexual remarks). Now this is a sensitive topic and I would appreciate people take it as such.

...however she also mentioned that there were other men there at the bus stop, but none of them stood up and said anything, and that men today are more cowardly.

I have intervened often and only once have I paid the price for doing so

A friends party I was visiting at the time.

As I stopped a lady that I didnt know being verbally assaulted and assaulted by this bloke unbeknown to me that it was her husband.

I was told this afterwards as I dont remember the night or a thing of that night.

Still dont to this day.

He walked away from her then turned and went for me assaulting me, putting me in hospital.

Thats just one bloke but when theres a few just one speaking up can cost you dearly.

Like a pack of jackals enough to seriously hurt you or even hospitalise you for it.

This lady has said thankyou and in end she divourced him and no longer has anything to do with him.

Shes doing fine as we do meet from time to time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I don’t feel that “I can’t help how I feel” is a good reason to just keep on with the toxic femininity

Hopefully the younger generations can grow, learn and do better so these toxic mindsets can be changed

One of the most batshit things I’ve read on here! So now I have a toxic mindset because I’m a mature woman.

Riiiight ....

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By *aptain Caveman41Man
over a year ago

Home

Have done numerous times even got my nose broken one of the times

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

"There are some guys in here doing the virtual equivalent of physically attacking a woman because of her view on something and daring to have an opinion.

Keyboard warriors eh! Machi as fuck, not.

Hang on. Both Dieu and the guys have quite assertively stated their opinions. Don't turn it into men against women.

I wasn't trying to turn it men against women, I was trying to point out it was the virtual equivalent of the OP's question and relate it to some of the responses that have been posted.

I wasn't trying to stir things up. I felt it was the virtual equivalent of someone being physically attacked and tried to point that out. I may not have done it in the best way but the original question was asked whether you would intervene or ignore what was happening.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

"There are some guys in here doing the virtual equivalent of physically attacking a woman because of her view on something and daring to have an opinion.

Keyboard warriors eh! Machi as fuck, not.

Hang on. Both Dieu and the guys have quite assertively stated their opinions. Don't turn it into men against women.

I wasn't trying to turn it men against women, I was trying to point out it was the virtual equivalent of the OP's question and relate it to some of the responses that have been posted.

Do you not think it would be the virtual equivalent of people disagree?

Why did you instantly just to a physical attack from a disagreement in opinions/thoughts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are some guys in here doing the virtual equivalent of physically attacking a woman because of her view on something and daring to have an opinion.

Keyboard warriors eh! Machi as fuck, not.

Hang on. Both Dieu and the guys have quite assertively stated their opinions. Don't turn it into men against women.

I wasn't trying to turn it men against women, I was trying to point out it was the virtual equivalent of the OP's question and relate it to some of the responses that have been posted.

Davie, I get you

And thanks, for what it’s worth x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have done numerous times even got my nose broken one of the times "

Doesn’t surprise me at all, CC

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I don’t feel that “I can’t help how I feel” is a good reason to just keep on with the toxic femininity

Hopefully the younger generations can grow, learn and do better so these toxic mindsets can be changed

If I used the phrase toxic masculinity - how would you react? Because comparing a woman my age with your grandparents is ridiculous. It's a disagreement. Calling her opinion a toxic mindset is taking it too far IMO.

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By *aptain Caveman41Man
over a year ago

Home

"Have done numerous times even got my nose broken one of the times

Doesn’t surprise me at all, CC

"
well you can't let someone get hurt

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

"Personally I don’t feel that “I can’t help how I feel” is a good reason to just keep on with the toxic femininity

Hopefully the younger generations can grow, learn and do better so these toxic mindsets can be changed

Depends on how you were using it

My grandparents thought women belonged in the kitchen, that’s toxic masculinity

“You have to put your life in danger for a stranger to be seen as a man” is toxic femininity to me.

Older generations are more likely to have these views because they lived in times when they weren’t challenged as much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I don’t feel that “I can’t help how I feel” is a good reason to just keep on with the toxic femininity

Hopefully the younger generations can grow, learn and do better so these toxic mindsets can be changed

Thanks. Don’t know about you, but I’m hardly surprised by it anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I don’t feel that “I can’t help how I feel” is a good reason to just keep on with the toxic femininity

Hopefully the younger generations can grow, learn and do better so these toxic mindsets can be changed

Depends on how you were using it

My grandparents thought women belonged in the kitchen, that’s toxic masculinity

“You have to put your life in danger for a stranger to be seen as a man” is toxic femininity to me.

Older generations are more likely to have these views because they lived in times when they weren’t challenged as much "

Which times were those? The 1980s?

I think you're interpreting what she said in the most negative way possible. I can understand why you and the OP have reacted to it. It's between a rock and a hard place. And I will never be stuck there.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

"Personally I don’t feel that “I can’t help how I feel” is a good reason to just keep on with the toxic femininity

Hopefully the younger generations can grow, learn and do better so these toxic mindsets can be changed

Depends on how you were using it

My grandparents thought women belonged in the kitchen, that’s toxic masculinity

“You have to put your life in danger for a stranger to be seen as a man” is toxic femininity to me.

Older generations are more likely to have these views because they lived in times when they weren’t challenged as much

Which times were those? The 1980s?

Well I appreciate you at least seeing both sides

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But as a woman in her 40s, I’m ancient dontcha know. And hardly worthy of an opinion anyway!

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

It's is difficult.

I was out in the delight that is wolves once. And this guy was shouting and shoving a woman, do I stepped in, then they both then turned on me and tried to batter me!!

Now I assume that was his partner so a slightly different dynamic to someone randomly abusing someone else.

I'd like to think I would be you have to assess the situation. I've called the old bill to deal with other things I've witnessed rather than me getting involved after that one.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"It's is difficult.

I was out in the delight that is wolves once. And this guy was shouting and shoving a woman, so I stepped in, then they both then turned on me and tried to batter me!!

Now I assume that was his partner so a slightly different dynamic to someone randomly abusing someone else.

I'd like to think I would be you have to assess the situation. I've called the old bill to deal with other things I've witnessed rather than me getting involved after that one.

Fixed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's is difficult.

I was out in the delight that is wolves once. And this guy was shouting and shoving a woman, so I stepped in, then they both then turned on me and tried to batter me!!

Now I assume that was his partner so a slightly different dynamic to someone randomly abusing someone else.

I'd like to think I would be you have to assess the situation. I've called the old bill to deal with other things I've witnessed rather than me getting involved after that one.

Fixed"

Calling the police is better than standing back and doing feck all

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By *aptain Caveman41Man
over a year ago

Home

How anyone could stand back and do nothing when they see someone being harassed is beyond me.

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By *agicM53X OP Man
over a year ago

Orpington

I believe this thread needs deescalating ...

Everyone can have an opinion, no one is trying to silence anyone...but different opinions will come to a disagreement. One thing I would like to point out is that it is not fair for anyone to call a man a coward if that man feels that he doesn't want to intervene under those circumstances...this isn't a black or white situation and there can be consequences (severe consequences sometimes). Also for the women saying they would intervene, that's fine more power to you, but the truth is that you as a woman intervening in such circumstances are less likely to be physically assaulted (of course I am generalising now). Also for those women that say that their father would have intervened...with all due respect please also acknowledge the fact that there are little girls in this world that don't have a father anymore, because their fathers have intervened in such situations. For those men that say that they would intervene without hesitation and don't care about consequences, I would like to add something that Mike Tyson once said...."everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face".

This is a very complex scenario and everyone has the right to say yes I would intervene or no I wouldn't, but if you do intervene and you do get assaulted because of it and you do get hurt, no one will call you a hero...most will say that was stupid and you should not have intervened.

So if there's one thing you take from this thread, let it be the awareness of the fact that there's an element of danger when you do intervene

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I don’t feel that “I can’t help how I feel” is a good reason to just keep on with the toxic femininity

Hopefully the younger generations can grow, learn and do better so these toxic mindsets can be changed

Depends on how you were using it

My grandparents thought women belonged in the kitchen, that’s toxic masculinity

“You have to put your life in danger for a stranger to be seen as a man” is toxic femininity to me.

Older generations are more likely to have these views because they lived in times when they weren’t challenged as much

Which times were those? The 1980s?

Well I appreciate you at least seeing both sides

Thank you

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

"I believe this thread needs deescalating ...

So if there's one thing you take from this thread, let it be the awareness of the fact that there's an element of danger when you do intervene

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

"I believe this thread needs deescalating ...

So if there's one thing you take from this thread, let it be the awareness of the fact that there's an element of danger when you do intervene

I’ve got a metal plate in my hand for intervening

Does that make me more of a man? Am I a proper man now? Or is that the toxic mindset that ends up with people in hospital or dead every weekend.

Your absolutely right. It’s never a black or white situation. And as one poster above said, stepping in doesn’t mean physically, just calling the police is a way of helping

One things for certain, life is fragile. People get hit and have their life changed. A few female posts on here have been extremely brave in saying they’d rather deal with it then see something turn violent. Utmost respect for them.

But as I said above, toxic mindsets need to be changed, including the one where guts think they can pick on an easy target or leer at a woman and get aggressive when they don’t get what they want.

Stepping in is great, but hopefully we’ll reach a point where we won’t need to. A great start would be calling out your mates when this happens. Don’t let a stranger step in while you look on. He’s your mate. Tell him straight, set the record.

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By *ookie_and_NookieCouple
over a year ago

Kent

I was very disappointed that no-one stopped to help my son. He had a broken cheekbone, broken nose, broken eye socket and defensive injuries to his arm. Even A&E didn't want to know FFS.

This breaks my heart and is exactly why I could never just stand by and say or do nothing. I hope your son is ok.

C x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh my God, I missed the post about your son. I’m so sorry this happened to him. Just awful. I hope he’s ok now and not too traumatised.

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By *avie65Man
over a year ago

In the west.

"I believe this thread needs deescalating ...

So if there's one thing you take from this thread, let it be the awareness of the fact that there's an element of danger when you do intervene

There is an element of danger when anyone intervenes in these situations and that is up to the individual.

Personally I have known too many people being severely battered because others didn't do anything when they were being assaulted, some of them very severely. In this day and age too many people just look out for their selves and that is not something I feel does anyone any good.

I grew up in an age where it was acceptable for men to openly talk about giving their wife a slap, that didn't happen in our house but it did in a fair few of my friends houses, never a home.

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By *ookie_and_NookieCouple
over a year ago

Kent

"Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone.

Wow....so if your partner intervened and wad attacked because of that, ended up in the hospital or worse you'd be OK with that? Because that's a possibility

I'm actually a bit disgusted with what you just said

Coming from the privileged position of the female that is very rarely on the receiving end of the physical violence

How easy it is to stand in the safety of your privilege and say others are disgusting "

Did you realty just say that women are privileged?!

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By *ink adventuresMan
over a year ago

norwich

Yeah definitely. I saw a guy push his girlfriend over. Her feet literally left the ground. So I battered him, But aim advocating violence But when I guy hits a women

he deserves it.

I would always help someone if I could see they are trouble if it was male or female.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Oh my God, I missed the post about your son. I’m so sorry this happened to him. Just awful. I hope he’s ok now and not too traumatised."

If this was meant for us, thank you for your concern. He's physically okay but not mentally. He's now getting help but it's taken a long time.

If it wasn't meant for us, then.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely meant for you, Kinky.

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

In my years of being a Licensee, or working in Licensing venues, I've often seen and heard the signs of harassment starting and likely to end up out of control, so I have stepped in to stop it quickly, with the assistance of colleagues.

It rarely escalated further as the culprit would be "advised" very clearly what could happen if they carried on in the same fashion. More often than not, those accompanying the aggressor, would remove them from the venue anyway.

I once also stepped in to help an elderly lady being harassed on a late night train by a d*unken yob, though on that occasion, I was assisted by three other passengers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let me tell you this. In no uncertain terms. If I were the partner of one of the men at that bus-stop, I would dump them. I wouldn’t be able to look at them again, let alone respect them.

My dad would intervene. My brother would intervene. I would intervene.

Shame on the ‘men’ who left her to cry there alone.

Wow....so if your partner intervened and wad attacked because of that, ended up in the hospital or worse you'd be OK with that? Because that's a possibility

I'm actually a bit disgusted with what you just said

Coming from the privileged position of the female that is very rarely on the receiving end of the physical violence

How easy it is to stand in the safety of your privilege and say others are disgusting

Did you realty just say that women are privileged?!

This was dealt with further up the thread. Referring to street violence where women are unlikely to be hurt.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Absolutely meant for you, Kinky.

Thank you. It's been a very difficult year and a bit for him, us and our family. I do wish people had tried to help him. His faith in "people" is rock bottom. His faith in authority types is also low because of how he was treated at hospital and by the police. That was despite me being with him. My son was a completely innocent party but that wasn't the attitude of the "authorities".

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

"Absolutely meant for you, Kinky.

Went through something similar, although not nearly as brutal as what you describe (random attack at a club, 3 surgeries to fix damage. Police refused to follow up despite lots of evidence because I was d*unk)

It can really mentally mess with you, especially how little the police want to do to help you when you need it

Hope he’s doing ok

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

I so dislike bullying.

The metaphorical “cat skinning” comes in many forms.

Why do people who need privacy have small picket fences?

People can’t lamppost piss from confusion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As you said

Have to assess the situation there and then

Could potentially end up being fatally stabbed for stepping in to help someone being verbally abused

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An interesting take, now I now I already commented, somewhat flippantly if still truthfully, but I hadn’t actually read the thread until now (and I’m also replying immediately, rather than reading to the end, which I’ll admit now may not be the greatest move ever made online) but this right here is the first bit I consider as overstepping the mark in a way that is reminiscent of the OPs tone (if not scenario, it’s just a forum thread after all). Fury has been called toxic, and had her forum past dragged out (without examples) and judged, and for what? She repeated a word someone threw at her? Now if I was at that bus stop, I wouldn’t have intervened either. I’d had the fractured skull from doing it before. I’d be scared shitless to do it. I shook like a leaf when a neighbour shouted at me for parking in front of his house. So I would not behave like she would want me to, I’ll admit it. But she’s every right to hold the opinion that she would expect the people there (herself included remember) to intervene, and to not respect the decision of others not to. And I’ve more respect for how she’s presented and backed that up, than I have for how you have, even though nominally we probably have the the most similar approach. Now you’ve said you’ll just avoid talking with her, so I hope when I read down that you have done, because then at least I might reconsider my respect for and approach to communicating with you . Peace out, probably my only comment on this.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Absolutely meant for you, Kinky.

It can really mentally mess with you, especially how little the police want to do to help you when you need it

Hope he’s doing ok "

He's very recently started to receive help (like, this week/today) so that's a positive thing. But yeah. It's completely destroyed his plans and intentions for his education/career and we've spent the year basically trying to hold a drowning young man up by his shirt (metaphorically). Lots of crises which we've had to manage as a team of 3. Tough...

Sorry to hear you had a similar sort of experience, both of assault and lack of support to address it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you DM for your well-considered words.

And maybe I should change my username to Fury. Like it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you DM for your well-considered words.

And maybe I should change my username to Fury. Like it!

Great autocorrect huh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really rather apt in the circumstances, I’d say

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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds

It depends entirely on my mood and the person involved.

Would I step in if the person was known to harassed people before or was a raging dick? No, not even. Just like I wouldn't stick up for someone who wouldn't do the same for me based on my gender.

If they did nothing wrong I will always stick my wise ass mouth in though. I hate injustice.

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By *agicM53X OP Man
over a year ago

Orpington

You hope? I don't know you! You don't know me! What on earth are you talking about? And why say it like this? Like you are trying to intimidate me on a freaking forum...by all means agree with anyone in the comment section you wish. But I have no idea who you are, nor am I in need of your respect. I have no idea where this came from, but before commenting about a disagreement between two people make sure you understand the full conversation that was had.

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

Difficult call but gut says get the girl out of the situation ask her if she wants to walk with me and grab a cab - hopefully it doesn’t get physical but if it does… deal with it. Threads like this do make my blood boil that the rule of law & order seems to be breaking down because these arseholes think they can do and say what they want and their violent antiseptic behaviour goes with little consequence

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

A mate intervened in a situation like that, he ended up in hospital as the idiots all jumped him.

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

"Difficult call but gut says get the girl out of the situation ask her if she wants to walk with me and grab a cab - hopefully it doesn’t get physical but if it does… deal with it. Threads like this do make my blood boil that the rule of law & order seems to be breaking down because these arseholes think they can do and say what they want and their violent antiseptic behaviour goes with little consequence "

Antiseptic…. Bloody autocorrect!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *urio77Man
over a year ago

northampton

I agree and try to voice injustice whenever I see it. I can’t help myself. But it’s just a matter of time before I voice it too the wrong person and end up hurt as a consequence.

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

Took one on the chin for this years ago ,lol ,had a bit of a brawl ,but it was the right thing to do ,some people just dont see theyre doing or saying wrong with a few beers in them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree and try to voice injustice whenever I see it. I can’t help myself. But it’s just a matter of time before I voice it too the wrong person and end up hurt as a consequence. "

I do hope not, for what it’s worth!

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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago

Milton keynes

I think deep down people do what to intervene but not knowing the outcome if it gets ugly may put people to be more cautious. I would like to think myself amd majority of men would intervene if a situation like that arises. Its unfortunate we live in a world where people don't feel safe to be outside

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah I hope. Surely we all want our contributions to be respected. You might not want or need it, but wouldn’t it be good if I gave it anyway? I just got to that point in the thread, and considering the topic and the fact that you started it and was participating in a pile on, that it was a really good time to do the sort of keyboard intervening that I’m more comfortable doing that in the real world. If you found what I said intimidating then it’s not my intention, I phrased it deliberately in a freeze frame monologue to camera way to say hey look, here’s a thread about your thought processes when some woman is getting harassed, and look, here’s a woman beginning be harassed by two guys calling names, referencing things outside of the thread or even scope if it, and I though we’ll if this isn’t worthy of a bit of thought commentary, what is? The irony was strong. I don’t need to know you, I don’t know Fury either, and I wouldn’t know the men or the woman in our invented scenario either. I don’t need to, to be able to share my thoughts in similar detail to the many other posts on here. Intervention is not waiting for it to be all over, so I spent my 2p.

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By *urio77Man
over a year ago

northampton

I agree and try to voice injustice whenever I see it. I can’t help myself. But it’s just a matter of time before I voice it too the wrong person and end up hurt as a consequence.

I do hope not, for what it’s worth!

Thank you x

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By *agicM53X OP Man
over a year ago

Orpington

OK let's conclude this shall we...it is getting late. I did not find what you said intimidating, I feel that was an "attempt" of you trying to sound intimidating. You feel Fury (or Deiu) is in the right with what she said, that's fine, you think she has the right to have her opinion, so do I, what I didn't agree with was her attempt of shaming the men who aren't comfortable intervening in a dangerous situation, making it sound as they are not real men, that's not fair and it's uncalled for. No one has harassed her, or at least I haven't... I said she has shamed men in the past before and some of the things she said in the past now appear to be hypocritical, and then I said I don't want to continue a conversation with someone closed minded (which yes I believe she is) and wished her all the best...and then I stopped referring or replying to anything else she said. By all means think what you want, but that is not harassment and it's despicable that you would even relate that to what I said in my original post.

I wish both you and your friend a good night

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Back end of 2019 I was walking around my local recreation ground. It was sunset, or coming up to sunset. I walked into the path of a woman jogging, and a man cycling. She said something, I didn't catch what. I was in a world of my own. But she wasn't happy. My presence got rid of the cyclist. I asked if she was okay. The cyclist had been following her and verbally harassing her for a couple of miles. I walked with her for a little bit, asked again if she was okay. She said yes. I carried on walking. The cyclist had sat on a bench. I think he was hoping she'd walk past. I turned around to go to her again. I saw her go in a different direction.

I'll always intervene.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men shaming. Give me a break

The many men of Fab - who I like and have much time for - will have absolutely no complaints about my treatment of them.

I don’t suffer fools of either sex gladly, but try to conduct myself with empathy and kindness on here.

Anyway, I’m out. Goodnight all!

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By *ob08Man
over a year ago

Macclesfield

In today's world, a group of men you don't know who could all be armed with a knife or worse, I'd recommend to never intervene and just call the police,the unknown variables are extensive and not worth the risk sadly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did a few years back, at Glasgow Central Station heading to the low level, I saw what I thought was a couple ahead of me on the stairs. Then the guy grabbed the girls bag and swung round to hit her when she wouldn't release it. I caught up and swung him off her, guy was out his face on something. He tried to run downstairs but a couple of women who heard the commotion ran up toward him, so he pushed past me and this lassie and ran upstairs. I aimed a kick at him but missed and nearly fell down the stairs myself.

We got the lassie settled and she just wanted to go home. She was on the same train as me getting off a stop earlier so I sat with her on the train and she phoned her boyfriend to pick her up, but couldn't get hold of him, so I got off the train with her and waited until she could get a taxi.

Thankfully, that has only happened to me once.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You were so kind.

Central is a pretty mixed bag, isn’t it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You were so kind.

Central is a pretty mixed bag, isn’t it?

That it is, as Tam in Still Game said 'Central Station - junkies, whores, murderers, rapists' and that's just the staff!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...and when I say harassed I don't mean physically assaulted or harassed, but verbally.

If you would be in that position of being harassed and other men would be there, would you expect them to intervene? "

This is a subject that i'm very torn about.

Growing up in a rough part of South London violence / confrontations were commonplace.

In my youth I had a reasonable amount of training in various forms of combat / martial arts.

Which gives someone a level of confidence in a confrontational situation. So when witnessing one it's hard to not stand up for someone clearly being bullied.

However one Sensei's words always stuck....

No one ever wins a fight!

- if you have got to that point of it becoming physical, you have lost control.

A couple of peoples comments about diffusing the situation by pretending to be the victims friend is genius, placid & peaceful. A great resolution in these types of situations - if that subdues the aggressors.

I have previously both stood up for a total strangers & also chosen not too, because of fears for my personal safety in that situation.

Twice that I have not reacted & helped someone has haunted me afterwards (for obvious reasons).

Both times were shortly after a friend (who is trained to almost MMA standards) was violently & savagely beaten after stepping in to help a guy being verbally abused by 3 guys in a cab office at the end of a night (the guys were much bigger than this lad they were picking on) & clearly it was about to become physical.

This friend & his mate ended up being set upon by 6 guys & 2 women (one woman was hitting him with her shoe & left a heel scar 1cm from his eye!) for trying to keep the peace!

He ended up in intensive care for 2 weeks & suffered effects for a couple of years afterwards.

There's clearly arguments for both, but it depends upon each individual scenario. Which needs to be carefully evaluated.

- There's a great channel on yt called fight science, where many of these topics & things to think about are discussed in an eloquent & mature way.

Ultimately I believe that we should all look out for one another & do what we can to help others whenever possible.

But if you're not confident in a physical situation or that you can't diffuse it & come away unharmed, don't step in.

As difficult as it is to watch, you can do other things.

- Report it

- Be prepared to give a witness statement.

This could help stop this/these people doing it again to someone else.

Life is a precious thing, enjoy it, spread the love & take care guys! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

Every situation is obviously different, I think in this one I’d just make myself a nuisance or presence. I have two young kids at home, I’d rather they grew up with a father so I’d assess any situation with that in my mind. In this one I’d do as others have said, make out I’m with them to the point of getting on the wrong bus if the guys look to be getting on the same bus as the victim.

With regard to couples I’m less bothered. Moved house to get away from one couple, constant arguing usually her berating him until he’d thump her. 3am once & I kicked their door in because of the screaming & he was laying into her until I decked him (easy when their pissed). H had already called the cops but he’d disappeared into the night by the time they’d arrived.

H stayed in the house all night with her. Cops picked him up the next morning. She wouldn’t press charges & he was back in two days like nothing had happened. Best bit was he asked if I’d help him with the costs to fix the door! I asked if he wanted to be decked again.

Washed our hands of the pair of them after that & moved away eventually, Been told they are not together anymore though.

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By *hunderace...Man
over a year ago

Dudley

Like the fight or flight syndrome its either your automatic response to step in or not. My own reaction would be to very quickly assess my level of response then act and think of the consequences later.

There's little difference in my mind between verbal and physical abuse as they'll both leave traumatic after shocks.

I'm a welding foreman by trade but for various reasons mostly because of a lack of work I'm working weekend security for the same company afternoon/nights.

Last year I heard a woman shouting outside the factory, she was screaming into her phone standing outside her car which was parked in front of the gates. She was in total distress and panic so naturally went out to see if I could help.

As I approached her (about 40m away) a transit van skidded to a halt and a guy got out shouting his mouth off.

The engineering company I work for is in an industrial road with scrapyards, other factories and almost right next door a perminent gypsy camp with 40+ static and transient vans, we've been broken into so many times no insurance company will cover the factory unless someone's here 24/7.

I needn't have gotten involved as nobody had seen me yet but the van driver got out and started shouting at her, she was hysterical.

I feared for her safety so I shouted "thats enough!" Of course I now became the point of his anger.

As he approached me his mate got out the passenger side of the van and of course I'm too far away from the safety of the factory. She took the distraction and got in her car and drove off... I couldn't understand exactly what he said to me as he ran to his van to give chase but It didn't really need much interpretation.

That night a stolen car was dumped outside the factory gates and set on fire which meant me calling the police and fire brigade, then using our forklift to move the wreck so I could get my car out.

Later that week 3 men in a car were forced of the road outside of work by a truck and as they got out to run 2 were run over, not killed but seriously injured. I wasn't at work but attending police said the guys in the truck were apparently from a rival gypsy camp about 5 miles away and this attack was an act of vendetta which had something to do with a marital affair but the injured guys weren't saying anything official to the police. I'm guessing obviously the 2 incidents were connected.

Perhaps stupid of me some might say for getting involved but what might have happened had I not have who knows, I'm sure it would've gotten physical had I not have distracted him. I still get trouble and the odd confrontation but I'd do the same in a heartbeat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I wasn’t with my son I probably would if it was a man being abusive towards a woman. I have a quite a nack of calming situations and being a peacemaker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It doesn't always work out how you think.

*** One time I physically got between a couple when he started pushing her, only for her to have a go at me. I left that loving couple to it!

*** She may have done that so she didn't get a worse kicking when he got her home.

Yep, violence is all about men. Even when a woman is violent to a man it's a man's fault somewhere along the line

Mr"

Wow.

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