FabSwingers.com forum: 50 shades of Chav

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Even though he only had 1 tattoo I longed for him to fill those lonely hours between Jerremy Kyle and Loose women.

As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, the smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour track suit would be hanging from the lamp shade tonight.

It was Dwaynes birthday and I was preparing his favourite Findus Crispy pancakes and pot noodle, I was gonna let him take me anyway he wanted tonight. I knew his favourite position was called the dogs of war....."that's where he does me from behind while he plays Call of Duty at the same time.

Our 6 week anniversary was rolling around. This was the longest I'd been in a relationship without falling pregnant, I thought of this while he lay on top of me making love, his arms either side of my head like two bread sticks either side of an orange. As I coressed his back with my hands I imagined that the spots and moles there spelt out in braille I love you.

As I stood in the Job centre the next morning a sweet smell swept across my pig like nostril, ....b o.....and Lynx Africa. I turned and there was Dwayne.

Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Icelands, he'd tied up his staff at the end of the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed, a tramp watched from an alcove but it just added to the mystery.

I knew it was love and my life would never be the same, mum had told me to leave Dwayne on a number of occasions due to the violence but I knew he loved me cause when he hit me he removed his sovereigns.

But tonight he was in a fowl mood it was my fault because I'd forgotten to defrost his onion rings I'd nicked earlier from farm foods. He picked up the power lead from my sons mega drive and whipped it accross my doughy ass. It stung but I liked it shouting again....again so he carried on......."my god I thought my shell suit would end up in a million pieces.

As I looked back over my shoulder I could see his Wheetabix toothed smile....he even had a semi on which was rare because the crack normally played hell with his erections.

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By *aris23Woman
over a year ago

France

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"but I knew he loved me cause when he hit me he removed his sovereigns."

Classic!!

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By *smCouple
over a year ago

Liskeard

...

wheres the next chapter...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That is amazing!!! I'm tentative about whether you wrote it but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Bravo

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By *riskynriskyCouple
over a year ago

Essex.

That should be in the non fiction thread...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did she manage to bite her bottom lip with no teeth?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

PMSL at this. Dead funny

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By *upitersmileCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

I've seen a few different versions of this, all very amusing!!

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By *uckscouple2007Couple
over a year ago

Bucks

"That is amazing!!! I'm tentative about whether you wrote it but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Bravo

Dont be silly, was in the forums and on the web many months ago

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Chapter 2

Kebabs at lunch.....after yet another incident wiv the bathroom door my face was pretty red, Dwayne had fell asleep so i made my way too town init. Iceland was the 1st on my hit list the security guard had a gold tooth i remember thinking too my self god hes FIT i'd do him. As i was minding my own business filling my Sainsburys bag up with frozens 4 the freeza,only had £1.20 on the emergency tho... then i hit the kebab freeza dwayne really liked kebabs so i tried too get him 5 boxes but then i felt a strong arm squeeze my shoulder and the breath down my neck i went all gooey oooh i said out loud....i thought id cummed but think i just needed a wee, it was the FIT security guard he'd got hold of me and said YOUR coming wiv me i was thinking anywhere darling bham would b nice i like the curries there. Once in the holding room id pleaded wiv Coolio(security guard)that Dwayne would beat me up if i never got him some food, looking around the room i seen 2 security cameras,hey Coolio you look gorgeous he even started too blush next min i was gobbling him his strong arms holding my head after 2\3 mins he tensed up and i swallowed the lot it tasted like beach water bit lumpy like chicken soup,Coolio let me keep 2 boxes of microwavable kebabs and 2 boxes of cheeseburgers my fave, but he did say he didnt want me too see me again. as i walked out i thought to myself is that what tulisa feels like i was on top of the world "I had a week to myself, bliss. The kids were all at their respective dads apart from Shakira whose dad was on remand. Luckily her Grandma was home as this time last year she was in Malia on an 18-30. Dwayne wanted me to be a Dominatrix but I couldn't get the gear as the new security guard at Ann Summers was a right git. I had to improvise. I put on my fave black slag wellies and wrapped bin bags around my muffin tops. For the mask I pulled my old black period pants over my head. I looked like a Gothic Vanessa Feltz attempting a bank job. Dwayne looked well chuffed as he had scored some Viagra off his dealer. I climbed on top but the idiot was asleep. He had bought diazepam my mistake. I tried to get him inside me but it was like trying to push toothpaste back into the tube. Finishing myself on the kids buzz light-year wasn't my finest hour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is Matt Finneys work isnt it, seen it on his group on facebook, love it though, makes me giggle

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Chapter 3

Dwayne didnt come home last night, i think its probably because his mate had dole and they had a piss up and passed

out in an alley way. I knew it wouldnt be long before he came thorugh the door all angin and ready for bed, so i though

i would spice things up a bit for him cos i love him. I grabbed my favourite dress, its bright pink with fluffy neckline and

hid the stains from the last time i wore it with my green cardi. I felt guilty about gobbling Coolio but i knew if i told him

he would leave me and my house would get taken off me. This would be my way of making it up to him.

When he came through the door, i noticed white marks on his trousers and brusies on his neck.. he said that it was from

falling over but i think he was with that slag from next door. he always goes to her when im on and i knew i shouldnt have

told him. He looked me up and down and winked which really got me going. i felt like Tulisa all over again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Chapter 4

Dwayne said he was starving, it must have been from his come down. i made him his favourite, alphabetty spaghetti.

i tried to spell out a really lovely word but i didnt have the letters so i just put 'dway' because i ate the n and the e when

i opened the tin. i knew he was extra hungry today so i found a crust of bread in the cuboard, there wasnt much green on

it so i picked it off before he seen it.

as he was eating i grabbed his trackies off the floor and put them in the sink to wash them and found some washing

powder in a little clear bag, i think he calls them dodgy's. i used it to wash his clothes so that they would smell nice for

him but it was like putty in the water, im glad i dont buy washing powder, its not very good.

i knew that tomorrow we would go and sign on again, so i made sure i had my pink shell suit ready cos i knew id be getting

it in the ally again in the morning. i cant wait to feel his pasty arms around my neck again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But tonight he was in a fowl mood

This made me laugh, dwayne the chicken

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This kind of thing could easily be slipped into Shameless somehow.

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By *ohnny4playMan
over a year ago

Kinross

Bump challenge

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